Paul Heiney

The energy crisis has hit Paul where it really hurts; in the gas locker of his boat, where the shortage is threatening his ability to brew a decent cuppa

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How is your energy crisis going? Not too well for me, I’m afraid. If you’ve been reading this column for some and you had to refill it. Meths isn’t cheap either. But there was another problem; the smell of burning meths made me seasick. I was rather more prone to it back then than now, but even to this day I can feel queasy just time you will know that my thinking about it. I thought I would boat doesn’t plough through the solved this debilitating problem water driven by wind or diesel, by changing boats, but not so. but by its skipper being regularly Next we bought a lovely wooden fuelled with tea. But now that’s yacht, built with the same care as become an energy problem went into a Chippendale sideboard, – I’m running short of gas. and truly gorgeous she was. Apart

I used to think those nice from the shimmering varnish, people at Calor Gas were my and her sleek lines, and the red friends, but these days I’m not leather upholstery that creaked, so certain. Once every few she boasted a Taylors Paraffin months I would lug my empty Stove swinging gently to and fro gas bottle ashore, swap it for a in its gimbals, desperate to bring full one and have the kettle on countless kettles to the boil. within minutes. But not these days. If you are not familiar with

Ask if they’ve got any gas and you these stoves, they are works of art , get the same shocked response as if you’d asked for a free berth for ‘A friend has just done a 50- sculpted in brass and stainless steel. You could be certain that whatever the night. “Not a chance, mate!” mile round trip by car to get a else on the boat may fail, this stove (Have you noticed how you’re always ‘mate’ when it’s bad news?) bottle of gas to guarantee was never going to break. The only problem, and it’s a big one, is that

I don›t blame the retailers, but I must cast a suspicious glance at next morning’s bacon they consume paraffin. Now, paraffin is safer than gas, quite easy to get

Calor Gas. I’m sure they’ll tell us it’s “supply chain issues, or driver sandwich’ hold of, but it needs the dreaded meths to light it. Also, timing is shortage , or the war” probably with crucial. Put a match to cold paraffin a bit of Covid thrown in just to ice and you will only get a sooty, yellow the cake. It would be fine if we could shop elsewhere, flame; but preheat it and burn it under pressure and you but given that the gas lockers on a lot of boats are built get a wonderfully hot roar. But it takes practice to get that around the size of their cylinders, it’s difficult. You far and the rehearsals can be scary. If you don’t pre-heat can buy refillable bottles now, but finding somewhere the paraffin sufficiently, once you turn on the pressurised convenient to get those topped up is like searching for the fuel you get a jet flame reaching the cabin roof, a bit like

Holy Grail. A friend has just done a 50-mile round trip a jet engine exhaust. After you’ve been close to ringing by car to get a bottle of gas to guarantee next morning’s the fire brigade for the third time, you gradually get the bacon sandwich, and there have been many others hang of it, which I did. But the snag, for me, was that whose summer cruise has had the dark shadow of a pre-heating done with meths – cue that bilious feeling. desperate butane-fuelled treasure hunt hanging over it. And I do now know that you can preheat with a small

But I don’t want to give up on gas just yet because I’ve blow torch instead, but nobody ever told me that. lived through a couple of alternative energy sources in Which leaves us with electricity. What? An electric my time, and it wasn’t pleasant. My very first, and very cooker on a boat, and all the batteries needed, and basic boat, had a weird kind of two burner stove, which the invertor the size of a sub-station, and solar panels consisted of a small tin filled with wadding into which big enough to act as wings. Isn’t electricity always you poured half a bottle of meths. Then you lit it, and all the first thing to fail on a boat, therby the last thing of half an hour later the kettle reluctantly came to the boil. you want to make tea with? I could go on, telling

The problem was that by the next time you used it, which you why electricity on boats will never catch on might have been six hours later, the meths had evaporated but, quite frankly, I haven’t got the energy.

ILLUSTRATION CLAIRE WOOD