Freshers' Issue 2019

2 Freshers’ 2019 The Cheese Grater

News & Investigations

Students with disabilities excluded from UCL libraries Weronika Strzyzynska

It is a commonly acknowledged fact amongst UCL’s student population that library facilities leave a lot to be desired. But, whilst for abledbodied students the libraries might seem as though they are filled with an unending litany of minor inconveniences, for those with disabilities they are often outright inaccessible.

Representatives of SU UCL’s Disabled Students’ Network can easily point to a number of issues, from lifts that are too small for larger mobility aids (such as an electric wheelchair) to a lack of wheelchair accessible bathrooms. Certain UCL libraries don’t allow wheelchair users to enter inside.

Whilst the fifth floor Archaeology Library has step free access and can be reached via a lift, one of the emergency exit routes includes a single step. UCL has opted to resolve this issue by banning wheelchair users from entering the library due to safety concerns. This has meant that Kyle Lewis, a postgraduate Archaeology student who uses a wheelchair, has never been inside the Archaeology Library, despite having studied at the department for the last five years.

The university’s considerable lack of

space seems to be part of the problem.

Sandra Bond, the facilities manager at the Institute, has explained that although UCL did investigate the possibility of installing a ramp, it was decided that it would be too long to fit in the limited space of the library.

“We’re just unfortunate to be on the fifth floor.” Admitted one of the library staff. “There just isn’t enough room for us on the ground floor.”

An evacuation lift was installed at the Institute recently, however it only goes up to the fourth floor.

As things stand at the moment, when Kyle needs books from the Archaeology collection he has to make a special request for them to be delivered to the main library, where he is required to pick them up. This may seem like an amicable resolution, but the reality is quite different. It creates an unnecessary hinderance to Kyle’s research, as not only does he have to plan his library trips in advance, he also cannot browse the physical library shelves, making him entirely reliant on the online library service. Additionally, the current system means that Kyle has to collect books in bulk, which can be quite heavy, and is then left to transport them to a suitable study location.

The student union’s Disabiled Students’ Network believes that the book collection system could be improved – the campus could include a designated study space where students who cannot enter other inaccessible libraries could pick up their books and also study without having to carry a heavy load. However, they realise that given UCL’s current issues – lack of space and ever-increasing student numbers the university is unlikely to prioritise the needs of students with disabilities.

“UCL follows a medical model of disability,” says Kyle. This means that the university views the student’s own medical condition as the source of their disability and limitations. “Instead, they should be following a social model of disability,” Kyle explains, suggesting that UCL should focus on the way the university is structured to exclude those who do not fit the fullyabled standard.

Our university was built with abled-bodied students in mind, and even as higher education institutions now have a legally binding duty to provide equal access and opportunity to students with disabilities, UCL seems to consider accessibility to be the problem of the student rather than the campus.

News & Investigations

The Cheese Grater Freshers’ 2019 3

Union Council bans iPads for sabbatical elections

Society Bitch

Soc Bitch has Sasha Baker runner-up Waronda George by just awakened from 9 votes.

This year was the first in which her summer long campaigners in elections for Union daze, ready to share Last year, use of iPads was initially sabbatical and part-time officers are included in election expenses, camthe most exciting forbidden from approaching students paigns charged for their use at £19 of UCL’s intrigue with electronic devices and encourag- per week, and students were forbid- and corridor whispers, this time from ing them to vote on the spot. A mo- den from using them to campaign for the lofty halls of Cruciform. Where tion to ban use of iPads and similar multiple candidates. But after multi- the NHS’s finest future recruits found devices was passed by Union Council ple complaints that campaigners were themselves in a pickle earlier this year, as in February after it failed at the Gen- doing exactly that, the Union Chair they tried to outwit the medical school’s eral Assembly in December. reversed the decision, and removed examination system by applying the iPads from campaign expense calcula- highly sophisticated method of *checks A representative from the Union tions. notes* passing down past questions. told CG that a candidate who breaks this bylaw could receive any punishIt is impossible to know exactly Unidentifiable RUMS societies have ment from an oral warning to dis- how use of electronic devices has af- created a document where each year qualification from their candidacy, fected election results. But even so, students meticulously recorded the depending on the severity of the vio- the practice frequently led to voter questions which they were asked at the lation. intimidation. One third-year student, oral exam. Consequently a ‘large and approached by an iPad-wielding cam- unidentifiable number’ of last year’s Zak Mohran, who proposed the paigner during last year’s election, second year medics have found themselves motion, was previously Sustainability, said, ‘they were extremely persistent, in possession of past questions, which Engagement and Operations Officer and many people around me voted incidentally didn’t seem to change year on year. The ploy was thwarted by the from 2016–2017. His complaint simply to get them to go away.’ medical faculty who promptly forced the with the use of iPads is not that their use damages democracy, but rather The democratic legitimacy of the entire year group to retake the exam. that this perception ‘shifts focus away Union Chair, a student, acting as Refrom the hard work done by genuine turning Officer in student elections Whilst the culprits avoided repercussions candidates and their campaign teams.’ has been questioned, largely due to due to their aforementioned anonymity, the uneven application of Union elec- many resolute medics have pointed out Mohran told CG that ‘the percent- tion rules over the years. Endorsing that the medical school could have easily age contribution [of votes obtained the recommendations of the democ- avoided the whole debacle by not asking by campaigning with electronic de- racy review, Union Council voted to the same questions every year. vices] is far smaller than the margin introduce an External Returning Ofof victory for successful candidates in ficer but this will not take effect until were disqualified from the race altorecent years. next academic year. gether.

Four of last year’s winners won with margins of over 1000 votes, and the BME officer position was uncontested. The Postgraduate Officer won a sizable majority of 365.55 (having been docked votes). However, the Women’s Officer race was extremely close and went to two run-offs, with Abeni Adeyemi eventually beating

Two Sabbatical Officers and six candidates for other positions, including the current Union Chair, were found to have overspent the £100 maximum budget. A Union disciplinary panel docked them only 0.5% of their votes. All but one went on to win. Candidates who committed similar offences the previous year

If you are approached by someone with an electronic device or believe a candidate is breaking election bylaws, complaints can be submitted to suunion.chair@ucl.ac.uk

Contributors to this issue: Sasha Baker, Darcy Bounsall, Sam Dodgshon, Alice Fraser-Edwards, Suzy Kingston, Isobel Macleod, Sophia Robinson, Weronika Strzyzynska, Ella Ticktin-Smith

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6 Freshers’ 2019 The Cheese Grater

Humour

The Secret To Failure: Barbara is Back Barbara Tresemmé Hey guys. Barbara Tresemmé’s the name, a failed career in public speaking’s the game. You might remember me from the riotously popular article ‘The Secret to Success’. Well, it’s been two years since then, and I still don’t have your bloody answer so stop bloody asking me, okay? What I do have is a sorry tale to chill your bones…

I was sitting morosely in the print room café, dragging my toe across the floor with wanton idleness. I had just been bodily thrown out of that hotel opposite IOE for trying to deliver a lecture on how it was aliens what done the pyramids to a group of disgruntled historians. It looked like the utes of this, Schnitzel piped up. final nail in the coffin – or dare I say, “Barbara, you are not a very good sarcophagus – of my career as a moti- friend,” he said. Then he turned on vational speaker. his heel and departed.

When lo, my friend, Schnitzel Schauser scuttled up to me.

“What?” I said.

“Guess what?” said Schnitzel.

“What?” I bellowed.

“I’ve got just the thing to cheer you up,” he said. “Biscuits!”

This was good news. Good news indeed.

“What kind?” quipped I. “Blackcurrant puffs and party rings,” said Schnitzel.

My face darkened. “Those are the two worst choices in biscuit you could possibly have made.”

Young Schnitzel cowered. “I know,” he said. “I was in a rush when buying them. I panicked.”

Hob Knobs. Jaffa Snakes. Anything – anything would have been better. I put my head in my hands and shook it repeatedly. After about forty min-

That was the last I ever saw of Schnitzel. His parting words made me realise something: I am not a very good friend.

I’d been career-less for some time. I was often biscuit-less. But I had never been Schnitzel-less until then. It made me realise how much I needed him and how much I had failed to ’preciate him. Thus ensued my annus horribilis. I bounce atop my rock bottom, calling for Schnitzel, yet he cometh not.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is, no matter the turbulence that will come this year, don’t lose sight of what really matters. Don’t be like me (Barbara): too tied up in my quest to spread tired conspiracy theories whilst also motivating the masses to realise their dreams that I shunned my only

friend. Yes, maybe all he had was blackcurrant puffs and party rings, but those humble biscotti would have been a life raft through the steaming hot mug of failure in which I’m now drowning.

#1984 THE CITY OF LONDON If you like dystopian fiction, why not head down to the City of London on a Sunday and try your hand at living in your very own dystopia?

Revel in the eerie silence as you walk street after street of empty offices with the lights left on. All you have for sustenance are the stacks of Friday’s Evening Standard, which you solemnly hunch over and chew from the corners. Big Brother may not be watching, but neither is anybody else so literally do whatever you want.

Humour

Cultural Icons

The Cheese Grater Freshers’ 2019 7

GASH - Let Your Love Wilt

Pop singer Beyoncé caused The Cheese Grater is proud to launch GASH, a platfrom a sensation earlier this week when for sex and body negativity. Read Katherine’s Story below. she declared her daughter, Blue Ivy My them so uncomfortable that they left.

Carter, a cultural icon amidst an name This is such an important element of attempt to trademark the stylish 7-year old’s moniker. Whilst the is Katheri- sexual repression. You should never young Miss Carter was too iconic ne and I live, embrace your inner emotions and deto comment upon her mother’s breathe and sires, and I find it helpful to be totally legal travails, we here at The Cheese speak sex negativity. My out of touch with my mind and soul.

Grater have decided to stick it to motto is that if you feel it, you For example. I have to shut my eyes these soi-disant “sceptics” by listing should suppress it. I only enjoy. MeShare your stories! our own selections for youth diocre sex, and I am proud off it. Our cultural icons of the week. bodies desrerrve so much better than email: ihatemybody@ satisfying sexual excperiences, and inhotminge.com stead, I crave the intense feelings of dissappointment and self-loafing that come with shagging people who I am fundamentally repulsed by.

1.Darnit Dyer. Born of a brief but passionate liaison between political strategist Dominic Cummings and Love Island winner Dani Dyer, the 2-year old Darnit is already making waves in the youth influencer circuit. Most recently, Dyer can be seen fronting the Campaign for Resisting Age based Prejudice, or CRAP, which focuses on helping our young people self-actualize in a time of great confusion and turmoil.

2.Chia Seed. This baby is in fact a lot edgier than their nutrition-based Mononym would suggest. The fictional progeny of the tall one and the hot priest from Fleabag, our second cultural icon has already forged a path for young people looking to create space for foul-mouthed, angry babies to win television awards.

3.David Dimbleby.

“sometimes sex it doesn’t make us feel good. that’s standard. the most important thing when I put my socks on in the mornto do is; if it you feel it: ing because my feet scare me so much. ignore it, forget it, repeat it Ultimately, no one should judge you - repress it.” for the way you experience your metaphysical sexual reality, and if any one Recently, I went on a night out with that does, you should just tell them five of my closest comrades at uni. In to fuck off. MAKE ART. JOIN THE the club, I saw someone who I was REVOLUTION. deeply attracted to. Instead of offering to buy them a drink: I decided to awwkwardly stare at them until I made

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Locations TBC - check our Facebook page for more details UCL CHEESE GRATER MAGAZINE SOCIETY President—Darcy Bounsall Co-Editors—Suzy Kingston and Weronika Strzyzynska Investigations Editor—Sophia Robinson Humour Editor—Sam Dodgshon Online Editor—Rhiddi Kanetkar Graphics Editor—Isobel Macleod

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