Issue 71

The Cheese Grater

Issuse 71 - Spring 2020 cheesegratermagazine.org facebook.com/uclcheesegrater

Happy Valenstrikes!

Inside this issue: Not Cool Club, UCL’s Mistreatment Of Disabled Students, Number 10’s Press Walkout, and more...

2 Spring 2020 The Cheese Grater

News & Investigations

What Exactly Is Not Cool Club?

In conversation with the club’s president Sophia Robinson The Not Cool Club at UCL has gained a lot of traction. All around campus the walls are covered in black and yellow posters promoting the club and inviting students to ‘Be Better’ and ‘Give a Shit for Once’. Having only started in September, the club already had a membership of almost 80 people, and a polished social media presence. The Cheese Grater Magazine sat down the Not Cool Club President, Ian Piczenik, for an interview to discuss the club’s vision and goals going forward.

When asked about how the Not Cool Club was born, Ian recounts a heart-breaking story from his travels in India, Varanasi, in December 2018, where an older man invited him to engage in sexual activity with a 12-13 year old girl selling hats in a street stall. Ian says, ‘I walked away and it really upset me a lot… I didn’t do anything wrong, but by not doing anything wrong, I also wasn’t doing anything right, and by not doing anything right I wasn’t part of the solution.’ After realising sexual harassment happens all around us, he came up with the idea for the Not Cool Club, launching it in September 2019.

Ian explains that one of the goals of the Not Cool Club is to challenge the culture that normalises sexual harassment, which is why the ‘flagship programme’ of the club is the Not Cool Sessions. ‘We’re going to societies, where they are, and run a session with them as a group.’ One of the main selling points of the sessions is that they’re led ‘by students for the students.’ There is, however, concern about how the Club will ensure students attend the meetings. Ian believes that because the sessions are delivered by students, more people will listen, saying ‘students listen to culture’. The club also has a

‘rep’ scheme, where students promote the sessions to a club and build enthusiasm around it. However, there seems to be little guarantee of attendance and people willing to learn, outside of the Not Cool Club’s belief in the efficacy of peer-led sessions. It is worth noting that UCL’s Active Bystander sessions are also conducted by students.

Ian adds, ‘I’m in full praise of the active bystander training programme at UCL, UCL does try its best,’ and insists the Not Cool Club isn’t a criticism of UCL’s handling of sexual harassment issues. But perhaps it ought to be. There are numerous posts of social media platforms, such as UCLove , expressing concern with how UCL has handled cases of sexual harassment.

With programmes such as ‘I Heart Consent’ and the Zero Tolerance Policy appearing as publicity stunts instead of proactive solutions, the student body feels there is a gap in resolving the issue. The Not Cool Club has an opportunity, should they take it, to fill that gap and offer students what they want: a club that not only offers solutions to a pervasive problem, but actively challenges authority where it fails to support those in need, and demands much needed reform.

The Not Cool Club members are being trained by the Brandon Centre in Camden to be able to deliver the sessions, but Ian is aware of their limitations. ‘there’s reactive measures and preventative measures towards sexual harassment,’ he says, ‘with regards to the reactive measures, we’re here to listen, we’re not here to advise.’ What Ian means there is that he understands he and his club aren’t qualified to provide comprehensive counselling to victims of sexual harassment, ‘it would be irresponsible for us to advise.’ However, he assures that during the Sessions,

students will be provided with leaflets that give information on where people can get the necessary support and advice that the club cannot reasonably provide. Ian stresses the desire to open up dialogue surrounding sexual harassment, ‘in these sessions, we want everyone to be there, people who give a shit and people who don’t, and we want people who don’t give a shit to start realising that they should give a shit, because it everyone gave a shit, then the problem wouldn’t be there.’

Whilst the Not Cool Club has generated a lot of enthusiasm, it hasn’t been immune to criticism, with UCLove posts expressing concerned with how the Not Cool Club is approaching the issue of sexual harassment. When asked about this, Ian says, ‘there’s valid criticism and there’s not valid criticism.’

Ian wants to focus on the valid criticism, and he accepts that some of it is indeed valid. One UCLove post criticising the club points out that sexual harassment is a very complex issue and Ian agrees, ‘sexual harassment is an incredibly complex issue… there’s no one key solution to sexual harassment, and we don’t believe there is, however, complex problems, yes, complex solutions, no.’ Ian believes that ‘solutions always have to be direct and clear.’ One UCLove post accuses the Not Cool Club of being ‘self-indulgent and shallow,’ which Ian says is ‘ignorant’ and doesn’t consider to be valid criticism.

When it comes to the criticism he sees as invalid, he says ‘I don’t give a shit about those to be honest, because it’s incredibly ignorant.’ To people who have ‘valid’ criticisms, Ian says ‘message us directly it’s so much more helpful. Join us, get on board, there’s room for more people to get involved.’

In the next year, the Not Cool Club has ambitions to offer the Not Cool Sessions to schools. ‘we want to go into schools and speak to kids, year 9, year 10, year 11, year 12, these are the re-

News & Investigations ally crucial years be cause that’s when you start becoming sexually active and that’s when you start deciding and cementing in your head what is correct behaviour, what are incorrect behaviours,’ Ian says.

Ian believes that the conversation

The Cheese Grater Spring 2020 3 should be open to everyone, whether it’s people who are already invested in the movement, or those who have questions and doubts. He says that the club ‘is about sparking up conversation, and from there answers flow.’ He ends by stating that the Not Cool Club ‘is a collective movement of people say-

ing enough is enough.’ There seems to be a genuine passion about challenging the culture of sexual harassment and being part of the solution, and it’s certainly generated a lot of interest. However, the club is still in its infancy, and whether it succeeds is yet to be seen.

UCL’s Bleak Treatment of Disabled Students Sophia Robinson On January 20th, UCL Disabled Students’ Network published a report detailing the issues surrounding disabilities at UCL, containing students’ testimonies and recommendations for improvements to the treatment of disabled students at UCL. As of the Equality Act 2010, it is unlawful for a university to discriminate against a student based on disability or long-term mental and physical health conditions; but the testimonies of the students show UCL has been doing just that. The report also states that ‘disabled students are significantly less likely to complete their university course’ and that ‘universities are failing to provide [them] with equal access to education’. UCL hasn’t met the Gold Standard requirement for the Disability Standard since its application in 2017.

There is an overall lack of understanding of how to support disabled students. One student says, ‘whenever I would bring up my situation to my examinations officer, he would advise me to either drop out or simply get on with it’ and the student was also ‘told by a senior member of staff that UCL is an “institution that requires minimal level of functionality from its students”.’

The misunderstanding of the law leads to one student being told that ‘having cancer and chemotherapy is not considered a long-term health condition’ and therefore they were not entitled to extenuating circumstances, despite the Act stating a person with cancer has

the same rights as any other disabled individual.

Some UCL students also encountered ableist and eugenicist rhetoric.

One testimony states that a Genetics professor ‘taught about Eugenics in a way that called out racism, but which validated ableism… He also mimicked sign language, conflating his random hand actions to an official language.

Most egregiously, he taught quantitive genetics using an example showing why killing disabled people would not, mathematically speaking, remove the disease genes from the population…

He effectively espoused the idea that disabled people should be exterminated – but not in such an inefficient way.’ One student experienced blatant discrimination when their supervisor said they were ‘too disabled to do [their project]’ and forced them to move projects, and that if they refused to do so, the supervisor ‘would make sure [they] never graduated and never got a job in that industry’.

The report offers up extensive recommendations for how UCL can ensure fair treatment of its disabled students. Some of the recommendations include appointing a Disability Inclusion oversight team ‘headed by a professional who is either an expert on disability studies, or is an access consultant and disabled themselves’. The role of the team would be creating a plan for implementing improved disability support across UCL. The report throughout stresses the importance of

an overarching policy for protecting disabled students, instead of expecting individual departments and bodies to ensure equal treatment within their contained environments. Moreover, the report urges UCL to ensure all staff are appropriately trained in the law regarding equal treatment of disabled students to avoid any misepresentations.

Zohar, the Disabled Student officer, who has a medical condition, told The Cheese Grater that they struggled to obtain a rent adjustment on their accommodation, which is a legal requirement as of 2016. UCL has continually failed to inform their students of their rights to reduced rent accessible rooms.

Zohar said, ‘when we tried to talk to people about these issues, all we would get is deflection, it’s a very interesting strategy that UCL employs…’ Zohar also said that the Union has only just started to take issues of disability seriously, and whilst they do well on issues of mental health, there is still a problem with supporting students with physical disabilities and chronic illnesses.

The report calls for more transparency and accountability at UCL when it comes to the treatment and support of students with disabilities. The failures to support students, as highlighted in the report, fundamentally disadvantage disabled students and hinder their access to fair, equal and rigorous education.

Additional reporting by Joanne Land

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News & Investigations

“If it weren’t for my parents I would have dropped out” Weronika Strzyżyńska sion, hoping they would finally be able

Matt, a deaf first year student who is worried about using his real name, told CG that he has not had access to a reliable BSL interpreter during all of first term, even though UCL is legally obliged to provide one. He came to his first lecture and nobdoy was there to assist him, even though he was assured that a BSL interpreter would be in place. When he turned to UCL for help he was let down by administrative staff who appeared to be under the impression that the responsibility for assuring Matt had access to his lectures laid with him, not the university. As Matt characterised his interactions with UCL administration, “their approach seemed to be ‘you chose to come here, you sort out the issues.’ ”

As UCL does not have any in-house interpreters, the university relies on outside agencies. However according to Matt, it was his parents who were left arranging everything whilst UCL “just signed the papers that we [Matt’s parents] gave them.” In the end, Matt had to change agencies three times before he was provided with a reliable interpreter who attended his lectures, and even so Matt says that something goes wrong “about every two weeks.”

“I feel that I have really been taking my interpreter in sixth form for granted… just knowing she’ll always be there for all of my classes seemed normal,” says Matt.

Over the months Matt and his parents were left sending countless emails, but even scheduling a meeting with Student Support and Wellbeing proved difficult, as a senior member of staff claimed they were “unprepared” to attend one. Eventually, Matt and his parents chose to come to a drop-in ses-

to express their concerns, however their meeting was ‘terminated’ after only eight minutes.

Meanwhile, the problems only seemed to be accumulating and Matt was struggling, feeling alone, helpless, and unable to adjust to the new inaccessible university environment.

Whilst he was left without a reliable interpreter through all of first term, he also encountered issue with the notetaking agency hired by UCL, Randstad.

The note-taker they sent to assist him turned out to be hard of hearing himself, something he has failed to disclose to the agency. When Matt tried to sort the issue out with Randstad he again found himself ignored.

Even a simple flashing doorbell, which only costs about £10, was not installed in his accommodation until November although it was agreed upon in August.

“If it weren’t for my parents I would have dropped out.” Matt says recalling his parents’ support and determination.

At times they would be forced to take extended periods of time off work and travel to London in order to negotiate basic accessibility for their son from a university that seemed largely unconcerned and unwilling to co-operate.

“I would ask other disabled students to seriously think about applying to UCL,” Matt says, before mentioning that if it weren’t for his department’s willingness to support him, studying at UCL would have been unbearable.

Society Bitch

Spring has sprung (as far as this issue’s misleading title issue is concerend)! The season of new life!

After many cruel and torturous years of sociteyless oppression, The Bartlett School Of Architecture Society has been born! Hallelujah! Praise be! Soc status now gives Barteltt students their own budget (which they already had), allows them to host parties and events (which they already did), and means they get to join the rest of us societies at Carl’s weekly briefing (Mondays at 1 in the CSC). So welcome to the table you chain-smoking, Hackney Wick freaks; Soc Bitch will save you a seat.

A few metres north, another society was also having it’s v-card punched.

The UCL Shakespeare Society held its premiere production at the Camden People’s Theatre. Sadly Soc Bitch could not be there to see The Tempest performed, because she had better things to do. After all, if SB were keen on reciving sweaty and awakward performances from virgins in a darkened room then she would’ve spent a lot more time hanging around with Men’s Rugby whilst she had the chance.

Finally, a look inward. The Cheese Grater has been PLAUGED by emails from its benevolant-like-a-despot founder. From annoying ‘You owe me money, please pay me my money’ type-requests to ceaseless critisicism of our work and piubloshing qulaity - this dude has been on our backs like the semen of a men’s rugby player two minutes into rubbing your posterior on his crotch. But no love for Soc Bitch? Soc Bitch has recived a grand total of zero harrassing emails to date. Oh founder, what have I done to desrve this? It is but your attention I have been craving, my darling. Bed me!

Humour

The Cheese Grater Spring 2020 5

Press Walkout Last week journalists from the UK’s premier news outlets and Huffpost. com were called to Number 10 for a Brexit briefing. Upon their arrival they were segregated into two groups, the ‘Boris-negative’ (The Mirror, The Independent, The Times) and the ‘Borispositive’ (The Telegraph, and the man who writes on the back of the toilet door in Stevenage Wetherspoons).

Apartheid enforced, the ‘Boris-negative’ journalists were then told to leave Number 10, prompting a solidarity stirke by those remaining. This annoyed not-Dr Lee Cain, Director of Communications and testicleface sufferer, who stormed out of the room in protest, a bit like the journalists had all already done a few moments before.

Well, almost all of the journalists.

2006’s Guardian Student Media Award winning low-budget publication The Cheese Grater was also in attendance, but did not participate in the strike (that’s for not inviting us to the press corps Christmas drinks, wankers). Hence, we now present a world exclusive: What exactly is going to happen with Brexit?

We’re fucked. We’re all so fucked.

We are so totally and completely fucked. David Frost cried, guys, HE CRIED. Nobody knows what’s going to happen, but they all know it’s going to be awful. Boris was glumly despairwanking into a copy of The Spectator the whole time. Dominic Cummings is just a mannequin being operated by two children stacked on top of one and other. Priti Patel was the only positive face in the room, but when CG quizzed her as to why she just let out a long, dull tone reminiscent of a burglar alarm just after you’ve set it but before you’ve closed the front door.

Nobody knows what they’re doing!!!!!!

And that concludes ‘What exactly is going to happen with Brexit?’

5 Ways To Get In Shape For Module Registration Would you look at that? Our favourite time of the year has already been and gone! That’s right. The week-long period where for two short windows a day you must sprint through the sleet to search for an office to wait for an hour to be told that the class you wanted is full and that you should have sent an email but you did that yesterday and they told you to come in person and now you don’t know what’s real anymore and you have to crawl back to your parent department alone and ashamed. In order to prepare your bodies and souls for the next of these biannual slaps in the face we have compiled a list of the best training methods for UCL module registration.

1. Learn to Biathlon. This combination of cross-country skiing and shooting will prepare you in all the right ways. Physically you’ll be able to sprint at high speed from building to building before slowing your heartrate on an itchy chair for what feels like a decade. Socially, after a week of knock-

ing poles with biathletes you’ll emerge with the perfect posh accent for convincing registrars that you know what you’re doing even if Papá isn’t really paying for your education.

2. Run a marathon. Endless running, body cramps, and nipple chaffing. Notorious elements of class registration.

3. Take “The Knowledge”.

Much like how a cab driver knows every street in London, you’re going to need to know every office in UCL if you’re going to survive. Might as well learn the street names they’re on.

Or, better yet, learn the direct route to Heathrow, get on a flight, and never come back.

4. Learn binary. 00110101101 011011010…am I right??!!

5. Call your mum. After seeing how your parent department treats you during this process you realise that your actual parents aren’t all that bad. Just give them a ring. Who knows, after a week like this you might be settling into their basement again.

Contributors to this issue: Agnes Carrington-Windo, Sophie Clark, Sam Dodgshon, Lorenzo Faggiano, Alice Fraser Edwards, Jennie Howitt, Isobel Macleod.

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Humour

A Statement From The Editors In an effort to remain in the public eye, world’s smiliest man and former Change UK MP for Ilford South Mike Gapes has been popping up everywhere of late! We here at The Cheese Grater couldn’t help but notice his appearances on This Morning, a cameo role on the long-cancelled soap opera Brookside, and his nationwide sellout stadium tour To Be, Or Not To MP. Most notably of all, however, Gapes somehow managed to sneak himself into the last 2 issues of CG.

For this, we are truly sorry. We really cannot be entirely sure how Mike Gapes managed to get into The Cheese Grater, but we sure as hell are struggling to get him out. His grin has been invading our every page, and his devious fingers replacing a lot of our words with ‘Hello! I’m Mike Gapes!’. We hope you understand that the veracity of Mike Gapes off of the Change UK is no match for that of The Cheese Grater’s editorial staff. We will endeavour to have Mike Gapes professionally

removed from any future issues, but in the meantime hope that his presence will not detract from your satirical experience.

Suzy Kingston, Co-editor and devoted mennonite

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Humour

The Cheese Grater has long been known for it’s unparalleled influence around campus, and has a history of holding the management’s balls to the fire (normally metaphorically, once literally). However, from sexual harrasment to eugenics, we here at CG have NEVER seen a plight as GRAVE as some of the doors to the IOE being closed at some times of the day/week.

We here at CG are SEETHINGLY OUTRAGED about Estates’ descicion to make sutdents walk an extra 200 yards AND down some stairs to

The Cheese Grater Spring 2020 7

gain access to the IOE. CLEARLY just a conspiracy to boost sales at IOE bar, but we shall not succumb to the oppressive capitalism!!

We won the arguemnt after all...

UCL Estates thinks they’ve got away with this? Well, HARD CHEESE because CG Campaigns is on your case.

By way of blackmail, we here at The Cheese Grater will publish an incriminating photo of Francesca Fryer (Estates’ Director) in each of our future issues until this evil has been undone! Don’t test us Fran, we have receipts!

Brexit: A Living Museum It’s Thursday night. I turn up to this event where an important politician is supposed to speak. I’ve been told about this event by a friend, but I don’t know much more. The guest is, apparently, the Leader of the House of Commons, a Tory, and a funny-looking, puritan conservative. I arrive a bit late, it’s dark outside Roberts building and the event is probably about to start. I enter the room: the atmosphere is quite immediate. Most people are sitting down, chatting composedly. 90% are males, a good ratio of ½ wearing a suit. The room is dense and filled with 19th century romanticism and nostalgia, most people seem quite happy of being in the room with their fellow Victorian mates, and almost no outsiders.

Few times in my life I’ve perceived such a vivid contrast between the room I was in and the outside world, the same feeling I have in ancient museums. It’s almost as stepping into the lecture theatre you stepped into another epoque. It was surely fascinating.

However, I could not help but think of the poor lives of these kids, destined to

live in an era which does not belong to them. A lot of emo kids (at least, where I’m from) usually say stuff like “I was born in the wrong decade” trying to look cool and different. I never really liked those kids, because they never actually meant what they said, and their words were only a vague and ephemerous act of rebellion. But these people around me on Thursday night, they really were born in the wrong decade.

There’s nothing worse than that, and I felt nothing more than empathy for them, sons of an era which they will never witness.

Yes sure, they were a bunch of selfreferential and upper-class kids, referencing to themselves as the “elite of society”, but you know, once you understand their position, you can’t really hate them. And now I get Brexit. The European Union is a futuristic ideal, irreconcilable with the nostalgia I perceived in the room. It requires a constant aspiration towards the now, not the old. Maybe Brexit is good after all.

Lol, jk.

‘I’ve lost a negligable amount of weight from the little bit of extra walking. It’s dispicable.’

- Jordan Street, 21

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UCL Cheese Grater Magazine Society President—Darcy Bounsall president@cheesegratermagazine.org Co-Editors—Suzy Kingston and Weronika Strzyzynska editor@cheesegratermagazine.org Investigations Editor—Sophia Robinson investigations@cheesegratermagazine.org Humour Editor—Sam Dodgshon humour@cheesegratermagazine.org Online Editor—Riddhi Kanetkar online@cheesegratermagazine.org Graphics Editor—Isobel Macleod © Students’ Union UCL, 25 Gordon Street, London WC1H 0AY. Views expressed herein are not necessarily those of SU UCL or the editors.