Cheese Grater Magazine Issue 75

The

Cheese Grater

Is this degree worth all the debt?

Issue 75 - Winter 2020 cheesegratermagazine.org facebook.com/uclcheesegrater Thank god 2020 is nearly over. Here’s to a stunningly mediocre 2021. Drown your sorrows with our new festive issue!

This degree is not worth the debt

This degree is probably worth all the debt

2 Winter 2020 The Cheese Grater

News & Investigations

The ethics behind the endowment: UCL’s relationship with The Sackler Trust.

Sophia Robinson In 2019, UCL launched the new Institute of Mental Health (IoMH). The Institute is a research-based organisation, focusing its efforts on academic research into disciplines relating to mental health, including neurology, psychology and psychiatry. A UCL spokesperson said: “Mental health is one of the world’s most pressing challenges and UCL has made it a key research priority.

“UCL’s Institute of Mental Health (IoMH), launched in 2019, underpins this strategy bringing together research and expertise in mental health from across the university.

“Through the Institute, UCL is addressing a full spectrum of lifelong mental health issues from developmental disorders in childhood, to dementia in the elderly and is translating this research into clinical care, helping to positively impact people’s lives.”

The IoMH is led by Director and Sackler Chair, Professor Anthony David. Professor David’s work at the IoMH is funded by The Sackler Trust, a charitable organisation established by the Anglo-American Sackler family.

The Sacklers gained fame and notoriety due to their involvement with Purdue Pharma, which has been the subject of multiple controversies in the last two decades.

Members of the Sackler family have been on the board of Purdue Pharma, and according to Forbes, have an estimated net worth of $13billion. Notably, Purdue Pharma invented OxyContin, a slow release opioid designed for pain management, which hit the US

pharmaceutical markets in 1996.

Since then, numerous pharmaceutical companies have been involved in the manufacture and sale of OxyContin and other opioids, such as Fentanyl.

Consequently, opioid overdose deaths have risen in the US from under 20k p/a in 2000, to 70.2k in 2017, according to statistics from the Centre of Disease Control (CDC). Overall, the opioid crisis has claimed the lives of more than 400,000 Americans since 1999.

With the rise of the Opioid Crisis in the US, Purdue Pharma has been subject to hundreds of lawsuits, relating to its sale and manufacture of OxyContin, specifically with accusations of misleading marketing and downplaying concerns about the drug. However, Purdue Pharma and the Sackler family have strongly denied any wrongdoing.

On the 21st of October 2020, Purdue Pharma reached a £6.3bn settlement, and have agreed to plead guilty to three federal criminal charges relating to the enabling of the supply of OxyContin “without legitimate medical purpose”. It is worth noting that Purdue is still facing numerous other cases relating to their involvement with OxyContin and the US Opioid crisis. The recent settlement is awaiting approval by the courts before it is formalised. The Sackler family have allegedly agreed to commit $3billion of their own fortune to the settlement.

Due to the multiple pending lawsuits, The Sackler Trust halted all new donations in 2019, but agreed to honour ongoing ones, which may include its financial commitment to the IoMH at UCL. The controversies

Society Bitch Santa Claus is coming to town and believe me I hate all that festive joy crap. I promise I’m not going to whine about Bojo again. It just seems that Soc Bitch has stepped into a parallel universe where reality is a Christmas Hallmark film and COVID is happy to ‘cool it’ for a week so I can eat mince pies with my Gran. This surely is the happy ending that a mask-wearing city girl like me deserves.

We’re not all burdened by that sweet hand sanitiser lifestyle – following recent events it seems Tamil Society completely forgot that coronavirus exists.

Freshers keen to have in person sports trials asked Tamil Soc for them during a national lockdown and surprisingly it turned out Tamil Soc had no choice in that matter and just had to make it happen. Damn – if only they were responsible for their actions. After a different set of freshers reported them to the Union, Tamil Soc have now been disaffiliated for a whopping 18 months. We live in truly tragic times when fresher grasses on fresher; when societies are not given the freedom to follow every single suggestion that comes their way, no matter how stupid the suggestion is.

A lot of freshers have asked Soc Bitch to come to their houses and seductively grate cheese for them. But sadly, since surely freshers will tell on me in these dark dark times, you’ll have to just stick to my OnlyFans. surrounding the Purdue Pharma and the Sackler Family, and by extension The Sackler Trust, raises the question of whether it is ethical for a reputable university such as UCL to continue its relationship with the Trust.

Moreover, is it appropriate for UCL to accept funds for the Institute of

News & Investigations

Mental Health from the Sacklers, who earnt much of their fortune from an opioid strongly linked to a mass addiction crisis?

According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), “addiction is a complex condition, a brain disease that is manifested by compulsive substance use despite harmful consequence”. As a ‘brain disease’, addiction could fall under the research disciplines in which the IoMH is engaged, furthering the concern about the association of the Institute with The Sackler Trust. To date, the Institute has not widely carried out research into drug addiction, including illicit and prescription drugs. It is highly improbable that the relationship between the IoMH and The Sackler Trust would have any impact on the research conducted by the Institute, but the optics of such a relationship could be construed as unfavourable both to the IoMH and UCL. In 2019 both the National Portrait Gallery and the Tate made the decision to reject further donations from The Sackler Trust. According to The Rolling Stone Magazine, a spokesperson for the Tate said, “We do not intend to remove references to this historic philanthropy. However, in the present circumstances we do not think it right to seek or accept further donations from the Sacklers”. In a joint statement about rejecting further donations ,The National Portrait Gallery and The Sacklers stated, “It has become evident that recent reporting of allegations made against Sackler family members may cause this new donation to deflect the National Portrait Gallery from its important work”.

According to The Sackler Trust’s Annual Reports, available publicly through the Charity Commission for England and Wales, , The Sackler Trust only made 14 Institutional Grants above £150,000 in 2019, compared to

The Cheese Grater Winter 2020 3

25 in 2017. The 2019 Annual Report from The Sackler Trust also cites a £1,248,370 reduction in previous commitments, which appears to be the only reduction in commitments between 2015-2019. Whilst the report gives no reasoning behind a reduction in commitments, part of it may be due to organisations breaking ties with the Trust, as well as the Trust halting new donations in 2019 due to the controversies surrounding the Sackler family.

UCL did not specify the value of The Sackler Trust’s funding of the IoMH Director and Sackler Chair, but based on the Annual Reports, it is likely that the sum constitutes less than £150,000 p/a. UCL also did not say whether funding by The Sackler Trust was in the form of a one off payment, or a recurring donation.

When asked about UCL’s involvement with The Sackler Trust, a UCL spokesperson said: “All donations and grants are subject to regular review by the UCL Gift Acceptance Committee to ensure they are in line with our established Gift Acceptance Policy which considers the ethical aspects of the donation.

“We always consider any donation or grant in the light of all the circumstances known at the time it is offered. If we were to accept any funds from Sackler in the future, we would carefully review all the current publicly available information.”

The Sackler Trust’s involvement with UCL is still listed on the Trust’s website, which claims that “The Sackler Trust is funding the inaugural Director and Chair of the Institute”. It could be construed, therefore, that the relationship between the IoMH and The Sackler Trust is an ongoing one.

UCL has also previously received a grant of £1.4million from The Sackler

Trust in 2015, according to the 2015 and 2016 Annual Reports by the Trust.

The purpose of the grant is not stated in the report. The Evening Standard reported that UCL has also received or has been pledged £2,654,000 by the Dr Mortimer and Theresa Sackler Foundation, another organisation established by the members of the Sackler family, for the Institute of Skeleto-Muscular Research, and other purposes. A 2004 article on UCL News about the unveiling of a commemorative Sackler Plaque confirms the receipt of a ‘major gift’ from the Foundation by UCL. Dame Theresa Sackler is also a Trustee of The Sackler Trust.

The research undertaken by the IoMH is vitally important. Mental health has increasingly been a subject of academic and social discussion, and it is admirable for UCL to dedicate resources to mental health research.

However, by affiliating themselves with the Sackler family, UCL and the IoMH make themselves vulnerable to the questioning of their ethical stance relating to the opioid addiction crisis, and therefore to the overshadowing of the important work done by the IoMH. The grants provided to UCL by organisations linked to the Sacklers have contributed, and will continue to contribute, to important research, and the benefits of that should not be understated. But with the recent £6.3billion settlement against Purdue Pharma, to which the Sacklers are contributing a substantial amount, and with numerous other lawsuits still active relating Purdue’s involvement in the US Opioid Crisis, it is hard to extricate The Sackler Trust from the controversies surrounding Purdue and the Sackler family.

By accepting grants from the Sacklers, UCL may be interpreted as underestimating the pervasiveness and seriousness of the Opioid Crisis, and prioritising its relationship with a

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a controversial benefactor. At the very least, to avoid a reputational risk, UCL should follow the example of organisations such as the National Portrait Gallery and the Tate, and strongly evaluate

News & Investigations

its previous and current involvement with The Sackler Trust and other Sackler organisations. As such, a next step could entail a pledge from UCL not to accept any future donations from

the Sacklers based on the currently available information.

Additional Reporting by: Min Jing and Stephanie Frank.

Decolonising the divided: how anti-racist is UCL? Riddhi Kanetkar In January 2018, it was discovered that the (now) ex-Honorary UCL Professor, James Thompson, was holding the controversial London Conference of Intelligence (the LCI) on UCL campus. The LCI has been a provocative event due to its alleged affiliations to eugenics and scientific racism, as well as suspected ties to neo-Nazi links. The event was hosted without the knowledge of senior university professionals, and the university later cut all ties with Thompson.

In November 2018, UCL’s Provost, Professor Michael Arthur, commissioned an inquiry to examine UCL’s historical role and current position in teaching the study of eugenics, as well as any financial instruments linked to the study of eugenics which the university may benefit from. This inquiry was led by Professor Iyiola Solanke from the University of Leeds, followed by a report of recommendations, published in February 2020, which sought to implement measures to redress the pervading legacy of racism at UCL. Despite the report being a progressive first step in rectifying UCL’s ties to eugenics, the question still remains: how committed is the university in its wider approaches towards upholding anti-racist values?

What were the inquiry recommendations?

The report of recommendations aimed to act as ‘the first step in a process to create a framework of action at UCL to acknowledge and address its history of eugenics.’ It was categorised

into three themes: teaching the history of eugenics; the dissemination of eugenics; and research into eugenics.

A key recommendation, which had long been a contentious topic, was the denaming of UCL buildings that were previously named after prominent eugenicists, such as Galton and Pearson.

The report also established an initiative to construct a framework for ‘conversation on institutionalised racism, classism, and ableism at UCL’. A primary goal was to implement strategic, practical, targeted and measurable action in fostering a ‘culture of caring’ for Black and Minority Ethnic and disabled students at UCL. However, despite a resolution to rectify UCL’s problematic history, it is notable that 10 out of 16 committee members did not initially sign the recommendations, because they felt that they ‘did not go far enough’. Professor Joe Cain, a Professor of History and Philosophy of Biology at UCL, also served on the committee, but was critical of the final recommendations.

conducting a formal investigation into the LCI. Although the Provost later released a redacted version of the report on the London Conference of Intelligence, Professor Solanke’s decision to avoid investigating the LCI was, according to Professor Cain, “a lost opportunity to investigate if there was a larger body of activity, or supporting mindset at the university”.

While the report had a clear focus on the historical legacy of eugenics at UCL, the ultimate lack of consensus on the final recommendations suggests that further action could have been taken to ensure a ‘long-term commitment’ in rectifying UCL’s institutional short-comings.

Attitudes towards the recommendations.

The inquiry report conducted research into the attitudes of both members of UCL and the public towards their proposed suggestions, to gauge the inflection of public opinions on the matter.

“[The chair’s report] seemed to me to be focusing only on one issue in eugenics, one affected community, and one set of problems. […] Where’s the survey of teaching and study at UCL? Where is the analysis of the community polling that was undertaken? Where is the investigation of the London Conference on Intelligence (LCI)?”

In order to understand how current UCL students feel about the implemented changes and proposed initiatives, The Cheese Grater conducted a smaller internal survey, in which 73 students participated. Our survey utilised three statements from the original inquiry survey, as well as two additional statements on diversity within the curriculum and student body at UCL.

His critique underlines what he considered to be significant gaps in the methodology and aims of the inquiry, especially due to a lack of initiative in

The denaming of the buildings propelled a prickly debate from both sides, which is reflected in the split in public opinion towards the matter. One stu-

News & Investigations

The Cheese Grater Winter 2020 5

dent expressed the concern that: “to rename may be to forget, which may be to deny.”

Q.1. While almost 40% of the participants in the original internal UCL survey strongly disagreed or disagreed with this statement, only 22% disagreed or strongly disagreed in our internal survey.

Subhadra Das, who is a curator working with the teaching and research collections at UCL Culture, has been a prominent figure in this debate. Speaking to her about the politics of (de) naming buildings, she expressed that, “the overtly commemorative action of naming building [sets] the message [of] celebrating the individual.

Q.2. Less than 20% of participants in the original survey agreed with the statement.

Similarly, our survey demonstrates a stronger consensus to-

“When I heard from Black students, and saw the hurt that was caused - well it’s equally easy to dename things.”

Her point highlights the emotional burden that many students of colour had to undertake when walking into buildings which were named after such divisive and bigoted figures.

The university has officially removed the names of Galton and Pearson from their buildings, in line with the recommendations from the Inquiry; the Galton lecture theatre is now renamed as Lecture Theatre 115, the Pearson lecture theatre is Lecture Theatre G22, and the Pearson building has changed to the North-West Wing.

Furthermore, in order to decipher the university’s commitment to issues which transcend the history of eugenics, the survey questioned students about the diversity and inclusivity within the curriculum and the wider establishment.

Q.3. Our data resonated almost entirely with that of the original internal participants, with over 90% agreeing that the legacy of eugenics at UCL should not be confined to the past.

Q.5. An overwhelming majority of participants (over 75%) agreed that UCL was a welcoming space for students of all racial and ethnic backgrounds.

a factor attributing to the discrepancies in opinion. From the student responses received, it can be understood that initiatives towards decolonising the curriculum also differed across departments.

Q.4. While almost half of the students questioned felt that the curriculum at UCL is diversified, over a third of participants disagreed, to varying

Decolonising the curriculum.

With over a third of participants expressing discontent towards diversity within UCL’s curriculum, the data suggests that there is a lacuna in the amount of culturally-representative material taught.

extents, with the statement. This divide in opinion implies the need for a greater dialogue about the inclusivity of the curriculum. It is also important to note that our data did not gather equalised responses across all UCL faculties, and this may be

A student from the Institute of Education (IoE) illustrated what they believed to be an inertia in the process of decolonisation: “As a student rep for [my] course, [I] have received a lot of complaints on the lack of diversity at the Institute of Education (both in terms of speakers and student representation). Efforts have been made from our tutors to diversify our curricu-

Contributors to this issue: Adam Bloss, Rob Davidson, Ella Ticktin-Smith, Riddhi Kanetkar, Jennie Howitt, Cristina Arama, Maximus Woodward, Emilie Mussbach, Sophia Robinson, Maryam Badghisi, Emilia Pearson, Min Jing, Stephanie Frank, Alfie Pannell, Christina Fluharty, Alice Renard.

6 Winter 2020 The Cheese Grater

lum, but without major success.”

Another student from the English department highlighted that: “The English curriculum has undergone some changes to make our readings more diversified - but it has to get better from here”, citing the lack of Asian representation in their first-year modules as a key problem. “The course has so far fallen short of creating a more balanced narrative of the English literary history.”

In 2019, UCL Changemakers launched an endeavour to raise awareness about decolonising the curriculum; this ‘Decolonising the Curriculum Week’ took place in November 2019, with the goal of catalysing a larger discussion about the need for diversifying the material taught at UCL. This initiative was also complemented by a parallel project called ‘Let’s Talk About Race and Racism’, which was launched in November 2019. Its intention was to focus on anti-racist education, and to equip people with an anti-racist toolkit of knowledge from which they could challenge instances of racism.

Moreover, there have been many recent student-led initiatives to address the lack of diversity within departmental modules.

Dr Cathy Elliott, from the Department of Political Science, said that the department were in the ‘early stages’ of developing a “central point where tutors can access resources” about topics that students would like to learn about.

They have been allocated a £700 grant from UCL Changemakers, which they believe is a step towards a more “diverse, inclusive and even decolonised curriculum that students would like to see”.

A Town Hall Meeting held by the Faculty of Arts and Humanities (A&H)

News & Investigations

in November 2020 outlined some key aims that were in progress to sustain the process of decolonisation.

look at questions of economic inequality.

I am not content with definitions of diversity that looks at ‘decolonising the 1%.

Dr Helene Neveu Kringelbach, the Vice-Dean for Equality, Diversity and Inclusion at the Faculty, clarified a key set of goals that are supposed to be implemented across a sustained period of time. These measures included “funding more scholarships and support for BAME students at UCL, [and setting up] curricular workshops, to discuss what anti-racist pedagogy may look like.”

“We have to look at which groups are in need, and which measures allow us to address structural factors in their holistic form.”

Nonetheless, it is equally important to critically consider what is meant by ‘decolonising the curriculum’, because it exceeds the act of simply adjusting a reading list or a module.

Professor Paul Gilroy, who is the inaugural Director at the new Sarah Parker Remond Centre for the Study of Racism and Racialisation, acknowledged that there was more to decolonisation than just changing the curriculum. The establishment of the Sarah Parker Remond Centre is another fruitful step in affirming the validity of race studies as real, academic scholarship, which is what Professor Gilroy envisioned to do. The Centre is a necessary site for examining race relations as they exist in today’s divided society.

He also emphasised a need for ‘supporting people transitioning from undergraduate study to postgraduate study’, as well as aiding their transition from postdoctoral study into the professional world.

“It’s all very well having that commitment to changing the curriculum, but who gets a chance to do a PhD? One of the things UCL has done very well has been supporting Black and Minority Ethnic students undertaking a PhD. However, there is much work to be done.

For me, the politics of diversity has to

His statement highlights the need for the university to undertake a strategic and intersectional approach - especially if it is committed to enforcing institutional change.

Redressing the structural inequalities.

Despite the clear barriers that Black and Minority Ethnic students have faced at the university, there is still optimism for a brighter future.

There have been multiple initiatives to remedy the existing, structural problems that disproportionately affect BME students at university. Of these, the UCL Attainment Project was launched in 2016, following the discovery of a ‘BME attainment gap’ at UCL. Although this margin was said to not be ‘very large’, it is significant that Black students had the highest attainment gap of 28.3%, while Chinese students had the smallest gap within the demographic, of just 6.6%. There was also a variation in this data based on different subject disciplines.

Potential causes of the gap were thought to range from a “lack of diversity and representation in the curriculum [and] staff and role models”, to ‘implicit / unconscious bias’ within institutions.

To address this, the Project created interventions such as “working in partnership with students, colleagues and other institutions”, as well as “developing tailored resources and training to support staff”, such as unconscious bias training and resource banks.

Voices

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The Faculty of A&H also delineated their aims to create BME staff and student networks, which appears to be a constructive step in improving inclusivity.

What is notable is how interlinked these problems are; it is evident, then, that the university should examine the issues of decolonising the curriculum, redressing the BME attainment gap, and confronting its racist history, in connection with each other.

What is next for UCL? Change does not happen overnight.

It is difficult to calculate how committed UCL is to anti-racism as an institution, because there is inevitably a varying approach towards anti-racism

which can differ across departments.

Subhadra Das underscored the need for the university to work in a ‘crossdisciplinary manner’ so as to achieve a more comprehensive impact in the process of decolonisation. The rise in crossfaculty initiatives has laid the foundation for greater collaboration across the institution, which is required if UCL is truly committed to effectuating lasting change.

Concerning his hopes for the future, Professor Gilroy felt “positive to see how people have been responding to these questions on the inside”, and also commended the work undertaken by the Students Union to address the issue of racism at UCL.

Although it has been difficult for UCL to divorce itself from the legacy of eugenics, because the principles of the study still permeate the institution today, there is increasing impetus for change. In May 2020, the killing of George Floyd catalysed a wider dialogue about the existence of structural racism in society. UCL have since undertaken considerable action to acknowledge their history from a more critical standpoint. They can now propel this momentum by continuing to work with the student body, staff and the Students Union to build a community which truly reflects the values of equality and diversity.

Additional Reporting by: Alfie Pannell.

My four walls: coping with an eating disroder in a pandemic.

Alice Renard ful feelings of loneliness and anxiety bedroom and cut myself off from the Trigger Warning: Mentions of an eating disorder. If you are struggling with any of these issues, there are many support mechanisms in place to help. Beat offers the Studentline: 0808 801 0811; https:// www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/supportservices/helplines . You can also reach out to your GP or University Student Support Services.

Most friendships I had were through clubs and societies. But I’m not good at answering messages. I don’t return calls. I find it difficult to start conversations. Video calls are exhausting. I forget about meetings. I panic and cancel appointments.

I have autism and dyspraxia.

I kept telling myself that I enjoyed lockdown because it involves fewer difficult social interactions, less sensory overload, and it should have been less physically exhausting. Instead, I have become utterly isolated. My eating disorder has worsened, softening pain-

and disconnecting me from the living world.

For me, lockdown doesn’t mean being stuck between four walls. It means being stuck between the weighing scale, the fridge, the mirror, and the exercise mat. Weighing scale. Fridge. Mirror.

Exercise mat. Weighing, fridge, mirror, exercise, repeat.

I am exhausted. I can’t read. I can’t study. I can’t go on a walk. I can’t focus on anything — even watching a film has become too hard. What can I do then, when I can’t even lay in bed and watch a film? I sit in the dark. And wait.

I haven’t seen a new face in weeks.

I only go out for my weekly therapy appointment and to be weighed by my doctor. More self-loathing and disgust.

I walk back home fast, sometimes in tears. I want to hide. After all, lockdown is convenient. It has provided me with a perfect excuse to hide in my

world.

And I think about all the people I used to spend time with. All the friends that used to make me smile, go out, laugh, go to the library, and eat, and feel alive. I miss them. I never answered the messages they sent weeks ago. I never returned their calls. I never messaged them to ask how they are coping with lockdown. I wonder if they’re okay. I worry. I have no idea what is going on in their lives. I had to delete my social media accounts to avoid the tempting toxic feeds about productivity and diet culture.

I lay in bed thinking I am a failure.

Mirror. I wonder what the world is like, outside of my bedroom, outside of the cage of the eating disorder. I’ve had an eating disorder for so long that it has become a part of me, a part of who I am, of my identity.

Exercise.

The eating disorder has consumed everything in my life during lockdown.

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Voices

I forgot what it feels like to be happy to go out of my room. I forgot what it feels like to be me, without an eating disorder. I only exist, a puppet in the reassuring cage of the eating disorder.

Weighing. I stare at my scale, my only source of entertainment these days.

Exercise.

I hide from my computer where the missed deadlines and unfinished es-

says are piling up. Fridge. I stare at the mirror in disgust. Weighing. I apply for ECs and I email apologies to my professors for missing seminars because ‘I am unwell’— I don’t want to turn on my webcam and don’t want to be asked to do so. Fridge. I read the labels on packages in the fridge and do the maths.

Mirror. I scroll through the news, sometimes social media which I’ve

started using again during lockdown to try not to lose all my friends. Exercise.

I stare at Moodle for 15 minutes not knowing where to start. Mirror.

Christina Fluharty I moved to London this past September with hopes to escape the bustling Washington, DC lifestyle that I had known for the last four years. With my visa and passport in hand and sixteen hours of flights ahead of me, I was ready to start fresh in London. However, when I landed in London, I really did not leave my American life behind.

and keeping in contact with my friends back in Washington, I was burning out. I needed a way to help my mental health.

exciting to watch the election results come in, as an American I was terrified for my friends and family back home.

My four walls are the exercise mat, the weighing scale, the fridge and the mirror. And functioning within the boundaries of these expectations is difficult.

Pandemics and Presidential elections: an American in London.

I knew the 2020 Presidential Election was coming up and I had just as much anxiety about it as someone back home. Everyone, including the Brits, knew this election was crucial and would determine most of our futures.

Faced with the escalating stress of a new flat filled with housekeeping issues, registering for new modules, and trying to make new friends and join clubs, I could feel the anxiety beginning to set in.

I was told that it was normal to feel a mix of emotions because I was starting graduate school in a new country, but it also seemed like no one knew how scared I was as we approached November. I could feel that I was carrying the anxiety physically – my shoulders were tense, and my stomach would flutter at the mention of, “did you vote yet?” I felt like a failure. I couldn’t get my absentee ballot sent to the UK in time, and I had to tell myself it was okay.

Between trying to contact my landlord, doing hundreds of pages of reading,

Luckily, I found the UCL Yoga Society in the beginning of October. It was one of the best choices I had made since I moved to London. There was nothing better than being able to empty my mind for an hour and focus on grounding techniques with my breath.

It is such a hard topic to escape when it impacts people on a global level - COVID-19 was spiking again back home which made me even more concerned for my loved ones. I felt the stress actually leave my body the day after the election, but that does not mean much.

I was able to self-soothe when I felt anxious, and I began to have fun while learning to push my body to contort in different positions. Two classes a week was a great way to deal with the stress of everyday life, but as November approached I began to have trouble sleeping. While to many in London it was

I realized that while I could not control the results, I could learn to control my mental health. Yoga has especially helped me connect with myself and relieve the stress of life. During these last few months I discovered sometimes the key to happiness starts with my yoga mat and some online classes.

Humour

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Rogue English student spotted digging up nuts in Gordon Square.

Much to the shock of various onlookers, a dishevelled young woman was seen digging up nuts in Gordon Square last weekend. Sitting on a bench, she observed where squirrels had buried their nuts, only to then dig up those very same nuts and bury them elsewhere. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that the woman is Hennie Jowitt, a 3rd year English student at UCL. Drug abuse among student populations has been on the rise, and it is unclear if this helps to explain the incident. In an exclusive interview, Hennie’s friends admitted that they were concerned about her penchant for crack cocaine, which has worsened in recent months. Hennie has not given any explanation for why she has been re-locating squirrels’ nuts, beyond: ‘I just think it’s fun, and I’m a bit of a dick’. In fact, she is so proud of her newfound hobby that it has been her

go-to icebreaker in every zoom breakout room since. Hennie displayed little empathy for the squirrels, claiming that they could go to Regent’s Park if they wanted their nuts buried safely. However, she mentioned that as she enjoys walking there on weekends, the squirrels had better work carefully.

become tired of them stealing all the nuts in the area. ‘At first, it was just a bit of fun’, Hennie explained; ‘but then I got it. It’s so satisfying, having your very own nut that you can bury. I love it, and I want the nuts for myself.’

UCL Psychology Department have confirmed that this is not the first incident of crack-induced squirrel mania.

Some academics have even been taking freshers to witness the crazed nut digging at lunchtime, as part of their Term 1 practical assessments.

A few UCL psychology freshers supported these allegations, claiming that they witnessed Hennie chasing after the furry creatures in Torrington Square during Freshers’ Week. Olivia Hartington-Thompson, a first year psychology student from Surrey, asked: ‘What kind of crackhead do you have to be to catch a squirrel?’.

Hennie’s nemesis, Dob Ravidson, has also accused her of catching and ‘removing’ squirrels. A few months ago, he caught a hair-covered Hennie with a squirming black bin bag outside Malet Place. In her defence, Hennie explained that she was taking the squirrels to a local shelter, and that she had

When pressed for further comment, Hennie said that she was too busy to be interviewed, as she was off to see her favourite ballet, ‘The Nutcracker’.

However, she did emphasise that her motives were not malevolent: ‘I’m just a chaotic person, and I’m a creep - what the hell am I doing here?’

Give a little love at supper.

Oh, jolly Christmas dinner. It is finally a chance to catch up with your aunts, uncles, second cousins and their dogs.

Unfortunately, politics and the news are common conversation topics that spark unwanted confrontation between the young and old. In light of the most recent events, I have compiled a list of unproblematic talking points and things to keep in mind during the beloved Christmas dinner, guaranteed to pacify the honoured guests.

• New Year’s resolutions, such as eating healthier. Although, you may be at risk of Aunt Helen’s inappropriate remarks about your body.

Some safer options include journ-

aling or memorising words from an owl-based language app.

• Cheesecake recipes. Things could go south if you mention veganism, and Nan will proudly declare that “cows have to be milked!”.

• John Mulaney. Prepare for an unbecoming but otherwise harmless impersonation by Uncle Richard.

• A country you have visited recently. Oh, wait – • Puffins. The way they adopt the mannerisms of other animal groups is just adorable. Try to hinder Uncle Barry’s connection between puffins and immigrant assimilation.

• Your workout regimen: no one

cares, but at least there’s no arguing!

• Interesting books. Consideration of Shakespeare’s works must avoid mentions of homoerotic imagery or Auntie Liz will go mad.

• Your favourite movie with Hugh Grant.

• Your favourite movie with Colin Firth.

• Love Actually.

• Scented candles.

With all this being said, happy holidays and don’t forget to give a little love this Christmas*!

*Does not apply to Uncle Richard, thanks very much, creep.

10 Winter 2020 The Cheese Grater

Humour

An obituary for Michael Arthur: UCL Provost, 2013-2020.

Not yet gone, but somehow already forgotten.

Professor Michael Arthur, UCL’s provost of 7 years, is set to retire at the end of 2020. What a wild ride it has been. Although no one knows who he is (yes, literally. 0% of UCL students know who Michael Arthur is.), The Cheese Grater has put together a list of his accomplishments as we bid Michael adieu.

• Michael has increased the number of students at UCL from 40,000 to around 48,000. Are there enough study spaces for them? No. Are the students adequately supported? Also no.

Are big numbers fun? Michael says yes!

•

Speaking of study spaces, Michael Arthur gave us the new Student Centre, with 1000 new study spaces. This will definitely be enough to accommodate the extra 4.5k students at UCL in 2020, because 1000 is the same number as 4500.

• Under Michael’s leadership, UCL’s figurehead, Jeremy Bentham, was moved from a wooden and glass box into a 100% glass box, forcing him into his own Panopticon. Now we get to gaze at Jeremy’s stuffed body while his ghost weeps at the fact that his ‘greatest happiness for the greatest number’

philosophy does not form any part of UCL’s Ethos.

• As we know, Mikey loves big numbers. This was reflected wonderfully in the £512million+ investment into UCL East under his leadership. What is UCL East, you ask? No one knows. Not even Michael knows. Money well spent.

• In his last job as provost at Leeds University, Michael lost a vote of no confidence. He hasn’t lost one at UCL yet, but in 2019, in a poll of 724 UCL staff, only 100 expressed confidence in Michael’s leadership. That’s a 13.8% approval rating. It’s a shame that the numbers weren’t so large this time.

We’re sad to see Professor Arthur go.

Wait, he’s still here? Never mind - it’s just a new, forgettable Michael.

Cheese Grater Christmas gift guide.

In 2020, it’s important to get giftbuying right. If, at the end of this hellish year, you buy your mum a rubbish Christmas present, it will probably tip her over the edge. You can’t get her socks again, because that would show her how pathetic you really are.

Selecting the correct gift is a big responsibility. A BIG one. Also, you’ve had nothing else to do for the last month. Why haven’t you looked online for gift ideas? Have you even asked your mum what she wants? God, you’re useless. Anyway, here are some gift ideas, I guess.

1.

Crack cocaine. To be honest, this is probably the best item on this list. Sure, it can be a bit tricky to source if you’re a boring goody two-shoes, but there’s not really anything else that will cheer your mum up during a 2020 Christmas.

2.

Stocks. I dunno, just find a company and buy her some stocks in

it. Since we’re in a recession she’ll definitely end up losing money, but it will give her a reason to be interested in the FTSE 100. I’ve heard that watching the graphs is fun.

3.

Quartz vagina egg. Gwyneth Paltrow knew EXACTLY what she was doing when she started selling these on her online store Goop. They’re pretty, they’re pink, they’re really expensive,

and they’ll give you a raging Christmas infection.

4.

COVID-19. Mariah Carey famously said that all she wanted for Christmas was antibodies. Apparently they only last 2 months, but that’s plenty of time to cry in the pub instead of the living room. Plus, if Matt Hancock’s in charge of the vaccine, you’ll be dead by the time you get it.

Humour

The Cheese Grater WInter 2020 11

Cheese Grater Crossword No.2

By Nevar

.

Across

11 Circumvent the approval bureau 8 Remove restrictions initially dis- and vaccinate, finally (5) rupting leisure (5) 12 Loads of jams (6) 9 The same as Central Line - end14 The heads of old Boris’s ensemble lessly long inside (5,2) seem exceptionally large (5) 10 Arranged reversal of Northern 16 Big spender’s done for, having Ireland border’s failed to start (2,5) used last of Visa (5) *answers and explanations available on the Cheese Grater website.

New UCL society required.

Dear UCL Students’ Union, Having arrived at university brighteyed, bushy-tailed and ready to engage in extra-curricular activities, I’ve found myself deeply disappointed by the limited scope of UCL’s 250+ student societies. Online socials are comprised of three postgraduate strangers, while the horrors of small talk have been worsened by ten-fold. What’s more, these activities are plagued with apologies, black screens and claims that ‘my Wifi is being fixed today’.

In this context, I demand a society

that embraces the charm of technical difficulties and social ineptitude. Yes - an opportunity for those who tremble for an hour after speaking a single sentence in a breakout room. A community where connection issues are not deemed embarrassing but celebrated instead. We want, nay we NEED a Zoom Appreciation society.

Where else, if not here, would a frozen screen on an unflattering facial expression be reason for genuine jubiation? Who needs yoga society when being comforted for your connection

Down

1 Revised remit for Master’s grade?

(5) 2 Providing tea, perhaps, to help out after lockdown? (3,3) 3 The colour of Rudolph’s nose has inspired a study (4) 4 Nurse graduate gives extra shots (6) 5 Surprisingly, you sell grand Christmas puddings (8) 6 Santa’s family announced a potential loophole? (6) 7 Foolishly, he drove and hung around for a bit (7) 13 Seek fair organisation? They’re not real (8) 15 Is love dead? Just be alone (7) 17 Keenest leaver hides position comfortably (6) 18 Starts off the eggnog, with sprayed cava first to go (6) 19 Thank a rationalist locking down capital city (6) 20 Experiments with new tier system’s introduction (5) 23 A fringe attention-seeker (4) 18 Scenes of Vixen storming Ascot, but only the first two dashes (6) 21 Failure of roles’ reshuffle (5) 22 Boom Queen’s festive banger (7) 24 Test open to everyone is most unlikely (7) 25 Less than half of reindeer? That’s creepy (5) issues is the sole cure to your chronic depression? Fun in this club shall include activities such as - Small-Group Counselling: Overcoming the Fear of Breakout Rooms - Using the Chat Function in Silence - Blending into Your Carefully Selected Background Image I, of course, will appoint myself as the President. I am outstanding at accommodating the humiliation of having crappy audio and being cut off mid-sentence.

Sincerely, Reconnecting…

12 Winter 2020 The Cheese Grater

Humour

It’s (still) EGM season…

Did coronavirus cancel your society’s Emergency General Meeting? Us too, and good luck hosting an EGM with 3 freshers on Zoom. Everyone knows that you don’t bother attending unless there’s free food.

Fortunately, that hasn’t stopped your favourite societies from choosing their committee members for this most exciting of years. Here are some ingenious alternatives to the conventional EGM that UCL societies have tried out: Dance Society members have submitted TikToks instead of manifestos.

In Economics and Finance Society, elections were held at 5am in Camden McDonalds, and all available roles went to the freshers that the Vice-President thought were the least ‘gay’.

Musical Theatre Society decided take a chance on all their members through an online ABBA medley.

Voulez-vouz to know who won? I sure do, I do, I do, I do. Oh wait – successful candidates were those who wrote the most UCLove posts about themselves. The bar was high for that one.

This house believes that Debating Society are still rebattling it or whatever it is they do.

After the success of Drama Society’s A Clockwork Orange was pinned on the lead actor’s damn fine jawline (mm mm mmmm), the jaws of all committee candidates were then judged on angle, symmetry, and chiselledness. Their new, peng welfare officer may not be able to relate to the struggles of the less attractive society members but they can

act and pretend they do.

Artificial Intelligence Society performed the Turing test on all their committee member wannabes. Alas, all standing candidates failed.

Rugby Society sent Olly the legend out in his Range Rover to all the boys’ abodes to summon them to The Red Lion on the night BoJo closed the pubs. Whoever downed the most Stellas through their arsehole got the most lad points and thus first dibs on president. Some students have stereotyped all the members as ‘posh school’ boys, which is actually so not alright because, to be fair mate, the UCL Rugby Society definitely won’t be rising from the ashes like the phoenix from Hogwarts.

Members of Hungarian Society just voted online because, unlike back home, their democracy is more than a hollow facade.

Application to get me, Billy Fresher, on the UCL Disrupt Your Thinking Instagram Page.

Dear Michael, I am not sure whether you, the Provost, will be Michael Spence or Michael Arthur by the time you read this, so I have been appropriately ambiguous in my greeting. I am writing to you primarily out of confusion, but also out of disgust, sadness, and sympathy for you that you have not yet recognised my greatness. According to your Instagram page, #UCLDisruptYourThinking is “a series of advice and thought-provoking recommendations to read, watch and listen to from the UCL community”.

I am shocked I have not yet been approached to contribute to this.

Who, pray tell, is better at giving such recommendations than yours truly? If you think it’s students like this kid here, you’re clearly mistaken. For starters, she’s managed to get her head stuck

in a loudspeaker*, so nobody deserves advice from her. She reminds me of you getting stuck in an echo-chamber of sycophants telling you that listening to your academics is a bad idea. “Disrupt your thinking” doesn’t mean “don’t think at all”, Michael.

I would be a great candidate because a) I’m really smart, b) I am heavily involved in Union activities, and c) I secretly run UCLove, so know what the people care about. Anyway, here are my recommendations for when you choose me as your next poster boy:

*How can you read, watch or listen with a speaker on your head?

Humour

The Cheese Grater Winter 2020 13

Read: my last article in a student newspaper. I mostly regurgitated the opinions of a Times columnist and passed them off as my own original ones, but that’s what the cool kids do.

Watch: The Crown. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it (it’s pretty indie), but this latest season had someone called Margaret Thatcher, and your leadership styles are indistinguishable.

Across both mainstream and student publications, all people can talk about is COVID-19. Do they think we don’t notice? They are simply finding new and creative methods to talk about the same thing; making news where there is none. And the extreme, ridiculous and overly convoluted tautology of their words blows everything out of proportion, as they hide behind dramatic

phrases with little meaning.

Listen: to my Soundcloud.

King regards, Billy Fresher, big shot journalist

An article that is not about the pandemic.

The problem is that articles about COVID-19 are repetitive. We don’t need another article on a cough. If you can’t taste anything, have you tried eating? These articles are so repetitive in fact that you find they aren’t really saying anything new at all – they merely cling to one concept and then stick to

it like a limpet. In these unfortunate circumstances, I am therefore extremely privileged to be one of the only journalists at the moment to avoid writing about the pandemic.

So, finally, I would like to bring back the focus of today’s article onto This article was cut short due to spacing issues in this month’s publication.

14 Winter 2020 The Cheese Grater

UCL Cheese Grater Magazine Society President—Rob Davidson Editor-in-Chief—Sophia Robinson Investigations Editor—Riddhi Kanetkar Humour Editor—Ella Ticktin-Smith Online Editor—Adam Bloss

president@cheesegratermagazine.org editor@cheesegratermagazine.org investigations@cheesegratermagazine.org humour@cheesegratermagazine.org online@cheesegratermagazine.org

Graphics Editor—Maryam Badghisi © Students’ Union UCL, 25 Gordon Street, London WC1H 0AY. Views expressed herein are not necessarily those of SU UCL or the editors.