Cheese Grater Freshers Issue 2020

The

Cheese Grater

Issue 73 - Autumn 2020 cheesegratermagazine.org facebook.com/uclcheesegrater A new academic year begins, Corona rages on. The Cheese Grater is back with another Freshers Issue.

Inside this Issue: Why We Need The 93% Club, Voices: A Results Day Like No Other, Interview with Christopher Nolan? , and more...

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News & Investigations

Why we need the 93% Club at UCL.

An Interview with the Co-Founders of the 93% club.

Riddhi Kanetkar It is no secret that state-school students have faced, and continue to face, significant barriers when accessing higher education – especially in comparison to their private school counterparts. Following the A-Level results day fiasco, many state-school students had their initial grades downgraded on the basis of an algorithm that used postcodes and income as a deciding factor.

The 93% Club are a new society that aim to redress this social inequality which can permeate into higher education and beyond.

Speaking to the co-founders, Finley and Tania, we discussed the core aims of the society.

T: ‘This is a society that aims to bridge the gap between private and state-school students We are planning to provide a wide range of careers and social events to create this community at UCL for state-school students who could potentially feel a bit out of touch with the careers or social aspect of university life at UCL. It’s a nation-wide network, and we have 16 different universities involved, which provides a great system for former state school students who didn’t have access to alumni networks. The careers events will include online events, including hop-in platforms, as well as networking opportunities for multiple career sectors. We are quite an all-encompassing society, and we want to foster a good community.’

F: ‘We’re trying to break into professions that are inaccessible to many state-school students. We’re trying to create an expansive network across ‘elite’ fields that many state-school student wouldn’t be able to access as easily.’

Particularly, Russell Group universities such as UCL appear particularly inaccessible to state-school students. Beyond creating a community,

the 93% Club want to tackle negative sentiments that exist towards state-school students.

F: ‘The more top-10 schools in the country are more inaccessible – you have to have your sights set on them from the start. You have to break down these barriers at these institutions especially, and explain to state school students that these aren’t gated institutions - they’re actually potentially more accessible than they believe. It’s important to have something within the system and to show that the system can be changed.’

T: ‘Coming from a state-school background, which dominated my region, when you come to UCL - a lot of students come from private schools.

I was initially looking at this society through a very content lens. However, I saw a lot of negative commentary towards state-schools, with a lot of prejudice channelled towards them.

As well as creating a community, we want to break down this negative perception of state schools that exists.’

As well as understanding the role of class as a limiting factor, it is important to view this matter in an intersectional light. I asked about the racial dimension within access, and role that race plays within this equation.

T- ‘Looking at what happened to an Oxford student who spoke out against racism this year, there is still a long way to go in a national perspective.

For example, English and History have fairly limited curriculums – and not just at UCL, but the whole nation has a long way to go. In the Bristol medicine course, they started this campaign to ensure that the symptom checking process was ‘decolonised’, to cater to people of colour as well. In general, in education, there needs to be progress in all sectors. I think we are taking strides towards a more posi-

tive outcomes.

F – ‘The university more holistically has a long way to go in addressing the intersections of the inequalities we see in class, which are not only mirrored with race, but intensified by it. We want to drive forward a perspective across a spectrum of different people.

The issues of gender, race and class intersect a lot; we could do a lot of work with other societies because social mobility isn’t solely driven by class.’

What conscious effort should UCL make to ensure that they provide adequate opportunities to students who come from working class backgrounds and/or state schools?

T – ‘To my knowledge, UCL provide a few bursaries, but more could be done. Before coming to UCL, students may question if this is accessible for them, as it’s regarded as a prestigious institution, and they may be deterred from applying here, especially due to the lack of bursaries offered to them.

UCL could do with expanding their funding options and providing better research for non-white subjects.’

Moreover, access can also be limited due to geographical barriers; students from the North may not find it as convenient to visit or apply to UCL, which exists in a separate bubble in London.

T – ‘We’re partnering with a company called ‘Zero Gravity’, who will find students from more disadvantaged boroughs, and they will be paired with a mentor from that university.

This is one of the gaps in opportunities between state and private school students. We’re hoping to go around London boroughs, and maybe even beyond.’

F – ‘We hope to provide some manpower to demonstrate the accessibility of these institutions. We want to show that there will be support available once you get to university. It’s important to ask representatives what socio-economic aid is made available at these universities.’

Voices

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The recent A-Level fiasco showed us how state school students are at an innate disadvantage, because of the way this educational system operates.

T – ‘A-Levels are an inherently broken system because students are graded against each other. That is why a supportive community is needed at UCL. So many people come into UCL feeling quite jaded. A lot of students from state-school backgrounds go to university with bad mental health and an imposter syndrome. So many people feel so isolated in this huge city, and having a supportive community in general can help you feel less disorientated.’

F – ‘There needs to be more of a radical approach to how we approach higher education. The government strategy really affected some students’ mental

health. The system needs to be adjusted more holistically into a more catered representation of your academic abilities. There needs to be reform and change, and hopefully it’s coming in small steps.’

Even when state school students go to university, a study conducted by the IoE found that private school students earn 35% more than their state-school peers by age 25. This suggests that the problem of access is not wholly eradicated just by going to university.

F – ‘It’s a systemic issue in a lot of ways. It’s a similar reproduction of the gender pay gap in some ways, as there is no rational reason to earn less than your peers who are doing the same job as you. It’s necessary to

encourage a culture of accountability. Also, we’re not exclusively for state school kids, as perhaps private school students can join in and help understand their privilege.’

T – ‘There’s a barrier in communication. There’s a perception that affirmative action is happening against those with privilege in certain fields, and there needs to be more discourse surrounding this idea of privilege, as some people tend to get very defensive.’

Thank you to the 93% Club for taking the time to talk to us; it is imperative that societies like this are emerging at a time when the discourse around inequality is shifting greatly, especially in higher education institutions.

‘They’re robust, they’re good’ and other lies behind the 2020 exam scandal.

Young people are always told that they are the future. When did it become acceptable for others to control theirs?

Eleanor Corney versity places, and there was no clarity

2020 has been a year unlike any other, so when the exams of thousands of GCSE and A Level students were cancelled, can we really say that we were prepared for such news? The announcement, which preceded the 19th of March, at once rocked the boats of thousands of young people across the UK, many of whom were planning to return to school after a short period of time, ready to sit the exams for which they had spent years preparing.

The mist of uncertainty clouded our minds as we frantically sent emails to our teachers and texts to our friends to celebrate what felt like a weight off our shoulders. The hope that things would get easier from here was false, things were about to evolve in ways in which none of us were prepared for.

After the momentary euphoria disappeared, we were battling with unanswered questions, the main one being, how exactly would we obtain our

from the government about how we would be awarded our grades. We were promised that the government would continue to work with OFQUAL, our exam body, to “ensure that children get the qualifications that they need.” Immediately after that, the list of unanswered questions grew longer and fears grew over university admissions for the coming academic year. It was soon confirmed that there would be a standardisation model put in place, which would ensure that our grades would be “robust.” This included a system of a rank order, where student’s grades would then be adjusted accordingly, based on the rank order, and there was also to be a heavy focus on a school’s historical data. Statistically, private schools in affluent areas performed better than state schools in deprived areas, with researchers from the UCL Centre for Longitudinal Studies and the UCL Institute of Education concluding that ‘private school pupils gain one A‑level

grade over state rivals.’ Fears grew over the possibility of unfair grading for the bright students in state schools. I have attended state schools throughout the duration of my schooling, my secondary school was in the bottom 3 schools for 2019 A Levels results in my borough, so already our historical data was not looking promising. However, my year group was told that we had already exceeded the grades of the previous cohort in our December mock exams - how were we meant to prove this progression if we were not even able to individually appeal our grades?

Results day approached and despite one class in my school having 26 out of 27 students’ results downgraded, we were still being assured, in the words of our Prime Minister, that our results were ‘robust, they’re good’. However, a week later he was saying that the standardisation model was a ‘mutant algorithm.’ Was it ever possible for young people to have faith in someone who wasn’t even sure if our grading was suc-

4 Autumn 2020 The Cheese Grater cessful? Despite the U-turn, an appeals system was still something we needed.

Many students still feel let down by the grading system. There have been many shortcomings regarding the exam’s fiasco of 2020, and it has revealed the grade disparities between areas, school types and certain ethnicities. Due to the problems surrounding A Level exams in 2020, many students have now had to reshape their life plans due to no longer being able to attend university, it has also become increasingly difficult to find a job during the gap year that many of them have had to take, due to the current state of the economy. There are fears that employers will view us as the ‘COVID cohort,’ which will lead them to undervalue the validity of our A Level grades. Additionally, even the students who are attending university this year are harbouring fears that they are paying for an improper education, due to the fact that most universities are going virtual. Despite this year’s A Levels being something of the past, we still have a way to go to ensure that the

Society Bitch

After months of silently judging Covid-bleak Twitter threads about stocking up on bleach, Soc Bitch is back to cast that judging eye to all you UCL younglings. The September wind blows, and babyfaced freshers stream into London to pay the best part of ten grand for online lectures, googling how much an Open University course costs, and crying into their face masks. The evil hag, whose name is Corona, continues to suck the joy from our lives; she even made Soc Bitch cancel her annual Karen’s Gone Wild boat party, but after conferring with Bojo, Corona has agreed to only come to

Voices

grading in future years is fair, should this ever happen again.

pubs after 10pm. And so it was, freshers week, with all the drunk hook-ups and hangovers, is being replaced with lonesome Zoom calls and early nights. But worry not, here at The Cheese Grater we have put our experts on the case to digitise all the freshers fun and frolics.

Whether or not Men’s Rugby will return in February is hanging in the pandemic balance, but nowhere in the government guidelines do they mention that the torture of terrified underlings is not an essential activity? There will be an initiation, and someone will force a fresher to eat a bat. Not only will it be tasteless and surprisingly tasty, but everyone will find it a lot more ‘fucking hilarious’ than it actually is and some poor cunt will spend the rest of his degree being called ‘Batty Lad’ by his intellectual equals.

Soc Bitch’s secret sources spilt the tea on shocking corruption in Climate Action Society. Following their Sustain-

ability Symposium last year, the ample funds raised went straight to the UN’s even more ample pockets. And as some of you nerds out there have already realised, the SU was never going to approve that – not that the wet wipes at Climate Action Soc thought to consult them. Scandal ensues, when it comes to light that a certain Chairperson, who certainly was behind this, has her eyes on a career at – you guessed it - the UN. And unsurprisingly, the prudes at the Union don’t condone bribery.

In one fell swoop, Climate Action Soc is suspended, said Chairperson steps down, and Greta Thunberg shakes her head as she descends into the Atlantic Ocean on a melting iceberg. On a separate note, The Cheese Grater Magazine are accepting charitable donations which may or may not go to Soc Bitch’s wine fund.

Humour

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Interview with Christopher Nolan?

In an unprecedented turn of events, The Cheese Grater was recently fortunate enough to catch up with UCL alumni and world-renowned director Christopher Nolan. Famed for his experimental directorial approach and complex narrative structures, he joined us for a quick chat about his latest film, Tenet.

So, Christopher, talk us through the film-making process. What was the starting point for Tenet?

Well, I should say firstly that it’s all part of my epistemological reality. If I remember correctly, the basic con-

cept of Tenet came to me one early morning in 2010, around 8pm. I was sitting upside down in the bath, in the seventh dimension, when I inverted my own body clock using the thermodynamic principle of dark matter. Once I began writing, I simply used multiple philosophical algorithms I composed while dreaming about a wormhole.

How do you feel Tenet is different from your other work?

It is important to me to connect with my fans, who have been pretendingo understand my scientifi-

cally and cinematically incomprehensible work for decades. I like to build on the ebb and flow of time, while also concentrating on specifically futuristic phenomena.

Some critics have suggested the dialogue in your films can be hard to follow. Is this a directorial choice, or just an inevitable consequence of the modern cinematic experience?

Mmmmhgpgh.

Mmghmmpgh?

Grrr. Hmmmghph

Contributors to this issue: Rob Davidson, Jennie Howitt, Riddhi Kanetkar, Ella Ticktin-Smith, Eleanor Corney, Sophia Robinson, Sam Dodgshon, Suzy Kingston, Isoben Macleod.

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Humour

V-, L-, or U-shaped recovery? Economists run out of letters to describe their forecasts.

Chief economists are looking for someone with GCSE Art to help interpret the shape of their forecasts, so people know exactly what kind of economic recovery to expect in 2020. “U-shaped”, “Vshaped” and “L-shaped” curves have all been speculated in recent weeks, but it turns out none of them are very accurate, so the public are left in the dark as to how we shall fare.

Economists have faced increasing pressure to communicate more clearly with the public in recent years, especially as most people think they’re entitled fools who are as good at making predictions as Game of Thrones fans. “We considered adding new letters to the English Language to help our messaging, butWebster’s dictionary told us to piss off,” a spokesperson for a major investment bank told me. “The traditional letter

shapes just don’t cut it anymore, so hiring someone experienced in convincing the public that a random shape resembles something else should prove invaluable. Hurray for artists!”A graph of UK output between 2008 and 2015 has now been referred to as “somewhere between a drunk horse and the

outline of Jeremy Corbyn’s beard”, and the public is furious such excellent analysis has only just been introduced.

The Cheese Grater has no doubt this represents a new dawn for relations between forecasters and the wider public.

For economic pundits, the only way is up (and down a bit, then up a bit).

Humour

The Cheese Grater Spring 2020 7

This simple trick with Cling Film will change your life!

I’m sure you are all familiar with cling film. You probably have some in your kitchen. Maybe you’re wrapping up some fruits and breads right now.

However, you may not be aware of some of cling film’s unique applications.

- Did Janet laugh too hard at her own joke and spill that glass of red wine on your precious white cushion? Just wrap it in cling film and watch the stains fade instantly.

-Having problems with your Wi-Fi? Look no further! Simply wrap your router in cling film and watch your phone signal double.

- Rid yourself of that nasty cold in record time! How? Take five to seven sheets of cling film and wrap them

around your feet each morning. After two to four weeks, you will notaround your feet each morning. ice the difference already! (If you notice no difference please consult a medical consultant). How amazing, you say. You’re blown away. You think how you have not fully appreciated cling film upuntil now. You want to know where you can get your hands on some. And quickly!

Well for only £12.99 – that’s right £12.99! – you can get four sheets of cling film TODAY. Hear from Linda from Coventry who said: “I used to use cling film just to wrap up fruits and breads.

Now I use it for everything! I can finally walk again.” * But wait there’s more! For the next ten minutes we’re slashing our prices and

selling our cling film for £12.99 £6.99!

Buy now and get a FREE cling film case to take your cling film on the go.

That’s right! FREE! And you may be wondering how we can say that our sale is only on for ten minutes considering this is in a magazine. Well, we’re watching you.That’s right. We know that you’ve stopped buying cling film. You’ve started putting leftover pasta in tupperware containers. Well how can you turn down these ENDLESS uses for cling film?

That’s right. YOU CAN’T. Fulfil all your cling film dreams for just £6.99 only if you buy now! Just click the link below: CLICK HERE YOU BASTARD! Or, just fill in the form below, print it out and get cling film NOW. **

Name: Address: No. of cling films wanted: Credit card number: Shipping? (please circle) : YES Send all forms to: Miss Clin Fulm, 146 Camden High Street, Camden, London, NW1 *Reviews may or may not be sourced from a vivid dream I had ** ‘Now’ is an abstract term, and in this case means one to twelve weeks, depending on your chosen shipping option.

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Like what you see? Want to know more?

Investigations Investigations Welcome Meeting, Oct 5th 1800

Voices

Humour

Humour Welcome Meeting, Oct 6th 1800

Zine

Sketch

Sketch Welcome Meeting, Oct 7th 1800

All meetings will be remote and COVID-proof - check our Facebook page for details.

UCL Cheese Grater Magazine Society President—Rob Davidson president@cheesegratermagazine.org Editor-in-Chief—Sophia Robinson editor@cheesegratermagazine.org Investigations Editor—Riddhi Kanetkar investigations@cheesegratermagazine.org Humour Editor—Ella Ticktin-Smith humour@cheesegratermagazine.org © Students’ Union UCL, 25 Gordon Street, London WC1H 0AY. Views expressed herein are not necessarily those of SU UCL or the editors.