CHAT 2022

Chat Chatham Day School Arts and Literature Magazine

What am I? My favorite time Good smelling food and chatting Friends laughing outside.

Haiku They are beautiful Monarchs, swallowtails are kinds Butterflies are here.

Nothing to Say Typing away I have nothing to say I might be here all-day Thinking, tapping on my desk I don't know what to say Again, I fear I might be here all day!

But then I say, no way!!

I have tons to say I just can’t find a way.

Game Day! Roll out the chess pieces Tighten your skates Get ready, get ready, it's gameday Everybody gets out on the field The baseball players get out the bats The football players put on their pads The laxers get ready to score The goalies are ready to block all the shots that come their way The skiers are flying through the air The swimmers put on their goggles The pool cues get chalked Joey Chestnut chugs Curling is ready to be played Get ready, get ready, it's gameday Tennis at the US Open Soccer at the FIFA Cup They are all ready to win a trophy The Olympics The Paralympics They’ re all such great sports Get ready, get ready, it’s gameday!

Sleep Every night I fall asleep When I sleep I feel complete While I sleep I dream of things Things so beautiful and things so neat The new day will soon begin For this day is done Sleeping is now within For I must now run My day is done A new one will come I am excited Because I am delighted

too late you missed your chance can’t go back now your heart full of regret, your mouth twisted into a frown wish you could go back, change what you said, but instead you lay in sorrow your face puffy and your eyes red you didn’t mean to, the words just slipped out you hate yourself for it if only you had shut your mouth thought about what you could have said if maybe things would have turned out differently but you said the wrong thing, and now it's too late.

The Orchestra of Summer A breeze goes by cutting through the hot air like a knife, That's when it starts as quickly as the sharp noise of a fife, The sun starts setting we all know what is about to go down, And now it may begin an orchestra, a symphony of summer.

It starts now with the drummer, the low tune will start to get sweeter, And the sympathy will start to get neater, Soon the tempo rises the noise drowns out any voice, Do you keep on listening or do you go inside? it is your choice, The orchestra continuous for hours the musicians seemingly never tire, But these musicians have no assigned attire.

In fact, they are all different they look nothing like you or me, If you look closer you will see, The orchestra is made up of insects, leaves and twigs.

Their music so heard yet unappreciated, Their songs are old and dated.

As the night fades and morning comes The music fades now it is only a few hums Eventually, their concert is over.

Now it is time for the song of a summer morning, the birds will take this one over.

Joey McIntyre is hotter than you The Wahlberg brothers are not But before you say ‘you too’ I'm not saying you are hot I'm not saying you are ugly Like Jonathan Knight You are definitely very cuddly And I hope I’m right Danny Wood should've been named Tom Sorry lol I still listen to the songs with my mom Because I'm a bit young if you can't tell.

Allergies are mean Red eyes, stuffy nose, tissues They make my nose run!

Oh chicken nuggets How can I resist Crisp chicken nuggets For you, I would enlist Fried Chicken Cooked so crispy Made in a kitchen Makes me so happy Chicken nuggies Made in dino shapes Makes me feel lucky Makes children behave like apes Oh chicken nuggets.

When the oceans wave and swish When the rough waves kill a fish Acid rain, hurricanes Floods, with no drains Our climate as fragile as a dish

I am doing my homework Homework is a bummer By the end of the day I feel really dumber I despise homework It is really tough When I go to bed I have had enough When I’m in class It is handed out So very quietly I start to pout.

Autumn leaves fall as I walk on the path The path covered with leaves over the many chalk drawings Portrayed on the bumpy stone I couldn't make out the drawings much, but I think If I could it would give me quite a scare I stray away from the drawings as it gets darker and darker in the sky I can't see the sun anymore as it disappeared into the clouds I stand alone at the end of the path and look around to see if I am truly alone Shadows walked toward me but slowly disappeared as they got closer Leaves fall off the trees landing on the ground piling up quickly A mix of leaves fly through the air but they were so fast I couldn't make them out I catch a leaf and I take a peak to try to make it out but my vision blurs The wind throwing the leaves around gets louder but stays the same speed The leaves feel different The leaves taste different The leaves look different I don´t understand why they do, it puzzles me Hoping it all stops I sit down on a bed of leaves It all quiets down as I quiet down

“Ah, can’t wait for white water rafting!'' Firstname Lastname told his friends.

After graduating from Nowhere University with a bachelor's degree in bathroom visits, Firstname wanted to celebrate his success in life by taking a trip to a white water rafting lodge with seven of his friends. These being Mike, Spamton G. Spamton, Joe Mama, Nathan the bathroom genie, Sand, Dead, and Suspicious Bob. However, the reason Suspicious Bob was so suspicious was because he was actually seven dwarves in an overcoat. These being Sleepy, Weepy, Little Man, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolph, Santa Claus, Tyson, Grabel, Pickle Rick, The Heavy Weapons Guy from Team Fortress 2, Danny Devito, Creeper, Sanic the Hegehog, Leonardo, Raphael, Donnatelo, Michelangelo, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Iron Man, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, a guy from the dystopian future, Barney the dinosaur, Kermit the frog, baconator fries, the narrator from When The Imposter Is Sus: An Analysis and its sequel, the duck somewhere, somehow, watching you, the entirety of the Robbie Rotten clone army, and a chromebook with the creative writing ideas document on it. Anyway, when the eight guys got on the raft, Spamton got whacked in the face by a branch because he thought he saw a [Hyperlink Blocked] and tried to reach out to it, however it was just a piece of a multi-million dollar artifact.

Spamton reacted something like this; “[Ouch]! That [Lazybones] just really [Caramelized] that sweet [Hyperlink Blocked]!” “Shut up, Spamton. That was just a piece of a multi-million dollar artifact, you idiot.” Mike snapped at him.

However, a tentacle grabbed Mike, who had a TV for a head, and dragged him into the water. Spamton reacted first, yelling out, “Holy [Tigerposter], that [Giant Walking Butt] just [Stole] Mike!” Firstname then said to everyone, “Alright, don’t worry. Just because we had our friend pulled overboard by a tentacle doesn’t mean we should panic.” Everyone immediately started panicking. Mike’s head (which was a TV) floated to the surface, scaring everyone. Dead tried to tell everyone to get down into the raft, but another tentacle pierced his chest and dragged him into the water. “Oh no! Dead died!” Sand exclaimed. Everyone got down into the raft, except for Nathan, who was ejected. However, the sussy imposter had yet to be found. Joe Mama noticed pounding against the raft's bottom. “Uh, guys,” Joe told his friends, “Something’s below the raft.” At this exact moment, Firstname’s anatidaephobia (the fear of a duck somewhere, somehow, watching you) kicked in, causing him to bump into Suspicious Bob, revealing his true identities. Creeper started to ignite, so Joe Mama sparta-kicked everyone in the trench coat, except for Little Man, into the water, ejecting the sussy imposters. The reason Little Man survived was because of his littleness.

Anyway, when Creeper blew up and killed the other guys who made up Suspicious Bob, it damaged the thing below the raft, causing it to reveal itself, with Joe exclaiming, “Why did Spamton have to be right about what that was?!”

Low and behold, it was a giant butt with robot legs and robot tentacles. Sand, who had yet to do anything notable except, decided to take a paddle and throw it at the butt. It didn’t work. Little Man then chose to dropkick Spamton into the water, causing him to evolve into Spamton NEO. The butt and Spamton NEO fought for a while, before they came before a waterfall, killing them both, while the raft made it to the end of the river. After that, the four survivors parted ways.

Firstname, after a long and successful career, let his Anatidaephobia get the better of him, and he booked a one-way plane ticket straight into the sun. Joe Mama eventually grew tired of his middle-class street life, so he invested most of his money into a number of stocks. These increased in value over the course of about half a decade, making him a very rich man. He ended up choosing to put away his old name and become a new man, the much more refined and political Joseph Mother, who lived a long life as a rich person. Sand poured all his money into inventing the one-way ladder, however, since it was useless, he went broke and became homeless. He ended up freezing to death on the snowy day of February 31, 20312. Little Man died of lead poisoning shortly after a series of rap battles he participated in. RIP Bozo :(

My name is Owen Carosielli. The year was 2028. It was my 18th birthday. I am currently living with my mom and we have a strong military family relationship.

My dad fought in Operation Desert Storm and my grandpa fought in the The Battle of La Drang Valley. My dad died from severe wounds caused by a grenade explosion ten years after he retired. Anyways, the day after my birthday I got a message from the United States Army. General Gerald O’nine wrote to me and said, “You are now 18, and we need you on the frontline. Good luck, and you have two days to show up for the draft.” The next day I showed up at the recruiting station. Captain Mancool greeted me. I completed all the draft sections and became a Sergeant. I met a couple friends there, Sergeant Crossman and Lieutenant Noon. The Captain came to us and told us we were all being deployed to South Korea in four days. So I went home for the day. I gave the news to my mom. She cried, but we spent as much time together as we could. Now, here is the reason we were being deployed there. The Vietnamese and the Russians were invading South Korea because they are communists with North Korea.

Elswith says 30 seconds! The Pilots picked her to count. Next, we were there. We start walking through the forest, but then, we hear a bang! We all took cover and sadly Captain Obama died due to the explosion. It is the Russians! I start firing and manage to kill one. Then they invade our cover. Only one managed to get over and he killed Lieutenant Noon with a knife. I yelled out, “NOOOO!'' and shot him with my M16. I told everyone to hold off the base as I took out my sniper rifle.

Crossman yells, “What are you doing?” I gave him no response and I vanished. I crawled through the bushes and went behind the enemy's line. I fired a shot, and they noticed it was from behind them, so they got confused. Then I sniped them down one by one. I threw a grenade to finish them off. We won the mission, but lost two people.

We went back to South Korea and I got split up with Crossman. This time, I got deployed to Finland, which would be a snowy battle. The way to get there was by electronic warfare plane. When we arrived, Colonel John Harper gave me warmer clothing. They took me into a room, because this time, I'm not the top rank. They tell me, “First you will go on a mission to assassinate the general of the Thailand army, who was in Russia due to joining the Axis. He will arrive in Finland in around two days to give a speech to the Russian army camp in eastern Finland.”

Fast forward two days, and I am taken to a base near the camp where the General is giving a speech. I was told the plan, and that I would be given one of the best snipers ever invented. Then, I would have to run to the camp because it was not too far away.

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I would have to be really stealthy, find a good spot, and fire the shot. He bids me good luck and I go.

It is very cold in Finland, which is why I got warm clothes. It took me about two hours to get there, then I could see a camp. I get down and start to crawl. I am in a great position, so then I took the shot. It was a direct hit! Then I started to run. I got back to the base and told the General it was a successful mission. Now, before I retired, I would have to go on one more platoon. This is with 2 major captains, so I am not the highest rank. This one would be in western Belgium. I take another plane there and the pilots fly to deploy the platoon and to bomb the Russian bases. We landed and immediately started facing gunfire. We got down in the bunkers and shot back. There is blood all over the place, but luckily it's only the wounds. Nobody died yet. Major Captain Bob says to me, “Use your sniper skills. There is too much fire at us.” “I can't, Sir!” I say. He tells me to run. We start running. I got to safety and so did a Sergeant, but I made the hard decision to risk my life for others. I go in and almost get shot at, but I managed to save seven people in the platoon, including both majors. We all get to safety. One major called in an airstrike and we were safe. A chopper comes down and saves all of us. I go to Washington, DC where I get the Medal of Honor. I go back home to my Mom, and she is very proud of me.

Back in 1853 There was someone called the Plague Doctor. Nobody knew his true identity, as anybody who saw his face would be skinned alive. The Plague Doctor was a scientist and he would experiment on animals trying to make monsters. One time he captured a human and he injected him with some substances to transform him. At first the transformation did not work, so he injected him with different serums. Little did the Plague Doctor know that it took time for the transformation to develop. That human transformed into many things with different attributes. This was how the wendigo was made.

The Plague Doctor would feed it different items, like rabbits, cabbage, carrots, and sometimes human hearts. The wendigo loved the human hearts. Everytime it got something else it would go crazy breaking the Plague Doctor’s lab. It became so bad that he had to chain the wendigo. He decided to make more wendigos to experiment in case one died. He always had another copy. He had not been at his lab for weeks. The wendigo grew hungry. Everyday they would pull at the chain viciously. The chains were rusting and the wendigos were hungry. Soon one broke out of the chains and let the others go. They ran out of the lab and howled before going into the woods. They would kill anybody that was awake in the nighttime because they were weaker in the daytime. They rarely killed in the daytime.

“This was the tale of the wendigo,” said Sam. Sam is a preschool teacher and she reads little kids books from 12 pm to 3 pm. She read them the story of the wendigo because it was October 30th, a day before Halloween. “This is why you always listen to your parents and go to bed!” said Sam. The little children giggled. They all yelled “More wendigo! More wendigo!”

Sam continued to read them another story.

Sam indeed thought that the tale of the wendigo was true, but it was never seen in her small town. Everytime she went to visit her cousins, who lived in the city, she would see a creature that had a human shape but was not very human. It would growl, and look at her. Its hands were bloody, and it was usually dragging something. Sam went to her room and turned on the tv. The news said that the urban legend creature known as the wendigo might be real. “I already knew that,” said Sam. She was about to change the channel when she heard that the news reporter said that the last seen wendigo was in Saint Petersburg. Sam was shocked.

That was the town to the east of her. It was barely 1 mile away. Just then Sam heard a whoosh. “The wendigo,'' she thought. She ran to her closet to find a flashlight. After she found a flashlight she was going to the kitchen to grab a knife when she heard the breaking of windows, she realized that the wendigo was inside her house. (continued on next page)

She turned on her flashlight and she looked for a knife. She heard scratching on the floor and she saw claw marks. She heard a slight growling, like it was trying to say something.

Shaaaam. Shaaaam. Grrrrrr. Come closer. Sam tried to run to her door but she tripped over glass and she cut her face. She saw the wendigo come closer to her. It was drooling.

Its eyes were black. It was looking into her soul. “No, no!!” Sam cried. She did not want her life to end like this. The wendigo opened its mouths and roared. The next thing she knew it’s head fell on her stomach. As thunder flashed, she saw a man. He had abs, a camo mask on, and some huge hard biceps. “You should evacuate this town, there is more where he came from. If you find one, try and kill it so it doesn't reproduce,” said the buff man. “Thank you for saving my life, what is your name?” asked Sam. He walked out the door and said, “Sekario, my name is Sekario.” He walked out and pulled out a gun. He started shooting. “There's nothing in this world I can't do!” Sekario yelled. Sam got up and got some food out of her fridge and ran out of her house into the woods. If there was something that Sam didn't know, it was that there were more wendigos in the woods than in her actual town.

She looked at trees and there were these moving balls. It seemed like there was something in them. There were eggs. That means that there was a female that would keep on making more babies. Sam destroyed the eggs and then she heard a growl. She saw a wendigo in front of her. It had sharp claws and long legs. When its claws scratched the trees, leaves fell off and the tree died. “Does it have poison in its claws?” she wondered.

The wendigo ran at her so she ran. She ran and shrieked when she realized the wendigo wasn't chasing her. It was growling in pain. It seems like it was sensitive to high pitch noises.

She was running as far as she could and then she ran into Liam. He also had huge biceps.

He had a gun. He shot the wendigo and yet more showed up. “Let's kill these little monsters,”said Liam.

Liam was running through the forest with Sam when he saw the Plague Doctor. The Plague Doctor had glowing eyes and had blood all over him. He stared at Liam and Sam and then said “So you brought me the girl. I’ll reveal my identity and give you your achievement now. My name is Trevor. Hand over the girl and come over here.” The Plague Doctor took out something with a yellow serum inside used to inject someone. As soon as Liam went to the Plague Doctor, Owen threw a boomerang at the Plague Doctor's face. Liam stole the serum and ran. “Curse you.” Trevor said as he pulled out meat and dropped it on the floor. All the wendigos ran to the meat, it had something special in it.

“Chase them my pets. Eat them until they are only bones!” commanded the Plague Doctor. (continued on next page)

Liam, Sam, and Owen ran for their lives until they stopped at the end of the cliff.

It was huge and very deep. They were cornered. It was either they jump and possibly die, or they fight the wendigos and die. As the wendigos came closer, Trevor’s mask started to crumble. “After I take over this continent, I will take over the world!!” Trevor said. “Hahahahah- “ *cough* Something was wrong with Trevor. “Yes, it's working! My masterpiece!” Trevor said. Something was happening to him. He was… transforming into something, something inhumane.

The wendigos started screeching as if they were scared and they ran away. “This isn’t supposed to happen,” Trevor said. There were little green lights in Trevor’s body and as Trevor expanded, so did the light. “I think we have to jump!” Owen said. Nobody wanted to jump but then somebody heroic came. It was Sekario! His beautiful body grabbed Trevor and jumped. In the air, Trevor exploded and Sekario flew into the river. “Is he ok?” Sam asked, peering over the edge. They couldn't really see anything, it was all smoke. While they were squinting, they saw a small hand raised in all the smoke. The question was who was it? When all the smoke disappeared, they saw that it was Sekario, he was still alive but half his body was burnt. They ran down to save Sekario. Hopefully it wasn’t too late. *The Editorial Team thanks Sekario for his humbleness.

My name is Daniel Alex Comtois, aged 16 and ½. I recently got kicked out of Chatham Day School, a boarding school for ages 14-18. I don't like to talk about it, but I guess I will. So the story starts on the first day of second grade, when this kid Johnny walks into Mrs. Spice's classroom and sits right next to me.

He’s always been a small kid, never getting over ‘5 “6 in tenth grade. He asked me what my name was, and I replied, "Daniel, how about you?" He responded in a nasty but suave tone, "The name's Bond, Johnny Bond. What a stupid name Daniel is." From then on he picked on me at every opportunity he got.

He did things like opening doors whilst I was changing in the locker room, always taking my food from my lunchbox, and embarrassing me in ways you couldn't even imagine. One time, while I was reciting one of my poems about baseball in front of the whole school, that idiot snuck up behind me and pantsed me. He ripped everything off and the whole school became very familiar with my nether regions.

So now that you understand what Johnny did to me, now I will tell you what I did to him. My parents always have taught me that hurting someone who hurts you makes you worse than them. I never touched his small little soul (although I really wanted to beat his butt into the ground). I just took all his blows and thought I was the bigger man. It continued until tenth grade when one day we found ourselves in the bathroom, all alone. I walked in just to use the urinal and he called me words I cannot type. My anger for him was through the roof and I needed to let it out. I lunged at him and pinned him against the wall. I threw a haymaker at his nose and an uppercut at his nether regions. I punched him onto his knees and grabbed his arm in a way you see in the movies before someone rips it out. I thought about whether I should do it or not. I decided on yes and tore it out. He screamed, like a girl, in pain. I would put good money that everyone in the state heard it. It felt good for about two seconds, then I had an overwhelming feeling of sorrow and shame in myself. (continued on next page)

Following that, I just walked out of school. Nobody seemed to care that one of the students just walked off. I walked for a while, just soaking in the world for possibly one last time. I forgot to tell you, but I'm the most terrified person in the world of getting in trouble. I hate it when a teacher talks to me above their usual tone, it makes me feel super stressed out. That's also one of the reasons why I didn't beat up Johnny for about 10 years. So I continued walking until I got to one of the Hilton Hotels, in Madison. I got a room for four days (I didn't know how long I was going to stay).

Now, you're probably wondering how I got enough money to buy four days at a decent hotel. I'll start by saying that I'm a very left-minded person, meaning that I am more of a logical thinker, rather than a creative one. This pairs well with math and science, as I breeze through those classes quite easily at school.

However, I am not great at English and history as those subjects use more rightsided brain parts. When I turned ten, the only thing I wanted for my birthday was Bitcoin. I did a bunch of research on it and learned it to the point where you could ask me anything about it. My dad bought me some when it was just one thousand dollars and boy it has gone up like a rocket. Currently, bitcoin is sitting at 67,000 thousand dollars stable. My logical thinking mind pulled out exactly 1,000 dollars of my current balance in bitcoin so that my dad wouldn't notice that one digit had changed.

Now, this didn't come easy, I mean getting the money onto my credit card.

Whenever you want to take money out of your balance in some stock, cryptocurrency, etc, one needs to contact a broker and notify them. So I called the man to let him know that all was ok after a thousand dollars was missing. He asked me what my name was and I said Daniel Comtois and the son of Spencer Comtois. He didn't believe me and asked for proof. I still couldn't convince the dang guy so he threatened to call my father. I told him not to, as vaguely as possible. I guess the guy came to his senses or had a neurological pathway rupture because all of a sudden he just said that all was well and I could hang up.

I went into the hotel room and thought about what I should do next. I thought of a lot of possibilities, like going to my parents and telling them the truth, or hitchhiking to California and getting a job, but I decided on one that would be the most fun. I chose to go to Florida. I wanted to go for numerous reasons like going to see my awesome grandfather and to go fishing. The sunshine state is definitely my favorite of the fifty, by far. I thought that I could just live there with my grandfather Jack, play baseball, and go to school without a criminal record. I decided to get a one-way flight the following day at seven o'clock.

I called United and asked them what tomorrow's flights were for Florida. They responded with one seat left for 5:30 pm to Naples, Florida, the perfect flight for me as my grandfather lives in Naples. I said sure and asked how much it would cost. The customer service dude said 200 dollars. I responded perfectly, gave him my credit card info, and was good to go. I hung out in the hotel for a while, playing video games and calling my grandfather to tell him that I was coming to Naples tomorrow. He wasn't in the mood, but he never is, so I guess he sounded a little happy. He has never been happy since his wife, my grandmother, passed away about four years ago from lung cancer.

I popped out to the local Italian restaurant and got a pepperoni pizza all to myself. I always have to share with my family. As I chowed down on my pie a buddy of mine, Nick, walked into the store. He ordered a pizza and sat next to me.

"I heard you beat the life outta’ Johnny. He really did deserve it after all the things he did to you," he said.

"I'm going to Florida tomorrow, I just wanna leave this mess and not have to deal with it."

"Ok," he responded nonchalantly and walked off with the pizza the chef just finished.

I grabbed the pizza box from the chef and I went back to the hotel, pizza box in hand, and fell asleep. I can really sleep for a long time if I'm tired. For example, I've slept past noon many times after going to bed at 8 the night before. I think that's impressive, but nobody else seems to think eye to eye with me.

Unsurprisingly, I woke up at 11:30 am, I had a pizza slice (half eaten) on my face. I threw the slice away and strolled to the deli. My favorite breakfast food is no doubt a Taylor ham, egg, and cheese on a hard roll. Although my parents are British, I am proud of my New Jersey culture of Taylor ham breakfast sandwiches.

I put salt, pepper, and ketchup on the monstrosity and boy did it taste good. (continued on next page)

I next got an Uber to the nearest Dave and Busters arcade. My favorite arcade games are clown and ski ball. My dad and I always have a blast down at the shore house to see who can get the higher score. I believe my record is 37 points, but I could be wrong. I got a lot of tickets and bought a fluffy hawk from the prizes table. I specifically bought it because it reminded me of my school and all the good times I had as the school's mascot is a hawk.

It was about 3:00, the perfect time to get a taxi to Newark airport. Well, not a taxi, but an Uber as I hate taxis because they stick out like a sore thumb in NJ. The man who was driving me was named Alex. He was quiet the whole ride which I was surprised by, but also ok with. I arrived and went straight into the place where they check to make sure you don't have any guns or weapons. I passed straight through that and headed towards the flight.

On the way, I spotted someone I didn't want to see. I saw my aunt Amanda. She had a busy job that demanded a lot of air time. I knew if she saw me I would end up back at my parent’s house in minutes. I ducked into the men’s bathroom only to find my uncle Chris taking a wee. I proceed to quickly move into one of the urinals to hide out for a minute. I looked at my phone and to my luck, it said 5:26.

I may or may not have said some words I shouldn't have under my breath. I flapped my hood over my head and made a break for the exit. I made it just in time for the flight.

In my crappy seat at the back of the plane, it was the most uncomfortable ride of my life. I'm 6'2 and bulky for a sixteen-year-old, so my feet got crushed for three hours. The cart didn't even come all the way down the aisle to me so I was starving. However that wasn't the worst part, the worst part was the multiple toddlers screaming, constantly! I wanted it to be over so badly. Another part of the plane ride I hated was that I got off the plane last because of my terrible seat.

Once I got off the plane I got an Uber to my grandfather's house. It was a long drive, like five horses and the driver wanted a lot of money. I gave him $150 and told him to keep the change.

(continued on next page)

I walked up to his house, astonished by how big it was. I knew that Jack, my grandfather, was loaded, but this was more than loaded. I rang the doorbell, which had this 80s song I couldn't name as the tune. He opened the door and hugged me.

"My man Dan, how are you son?" he asked.

I responded, "Alright, I guess, and you?"

"I'm doing just fine down here in the sunshine state. I got a bed set up for you in one of the spare bedrooms. It's late so I'm gonna head back to bed if that's alright?"

"Sounds good to me, I'm about to fall over, I'm so exhausted."

We went upstairs to the third floor and went our separate ways. Luckily he had a robe laid out on my bed so I could wash my dirty clothes. I got into it and almost fell asleep, but I didn't because my phone started to buzz. It was my dad.

I chose not to respond and to block him for the time being. I put it on charge and got into my California king bed and snoozed for a while.

I woke up around ten o'clock because I had to pee and decided not to go back to bed afterward. I strolled downstairs to get my clothes and to talk to Jack for a bit. He was nowhere on site, so I got into my clothes and headed off. My balance was now only 500 dollars which was enough to do everything I wanted. The first thing I really wanted to do was go fishing for some tuna. I Ubered to the marina to see if there were any trips available today. There was one on this really sketchy boat that looked like it needed repairs a couple hundred years ago. I settled on fishing for some shipwreck fish, like snapper and stuff. Plus the boat I was going on had just been repaired.

The captain was named Liam and he was very patriotic. I kind of liked the American flag wrapped around his entire boat. He was also a diehard Catholic, which I don't mind, except when people shove it in your face that they're Catholic and you should be too. There were nine other guys on the boat. All of them were shirtless mid-forties guys with cigars in their mouths or drinking White Claw. The fishing gear the crew provided to the fishers was outstanding.

Top-notch reels and the best-looking rods in the game. We all caught a bunch of fish and had a blast. I got into a talk with this guy named Eddie. He's a real nice fellow who loves the New York Yankees, just like I do. (continued on next page)

We chatted about them for a while, which really reminded me of my dad and mom talking to me about them. It made me feel depressed in a way I never felt before. We were on the water for a total of five hours and surpassed the catch limit by tenfold (We didn't keep all the fish we caught, only the catch limit). I went back to Jack's mansion and thought about what I should do next. I decided on going to the batting cages to get a few swings in.

So I'm a baseball freak. I love the game and I'm really dang good at it. I don't like to boast however I'm not joking I really am. At sixteen, I have already had four D1 colleges reach out to me for a possible spot on their team in three years. I hit fourteen home runs and batted six hundred in my sophomore year and was named team captain. So yeah, I'm really freaking good. It was about seven o'clock when I got to the place. I really like Floridian baseball facilities because they generally care more about the sport than New Jersey folk. I took about seven rounds, absolutely smashing the ball and getting everyone's attention. Even one dad asked me if I could teach his son a thing or two. I told the guy that I was from outta town and couldn't.

It was late again and I headed home via another uber.

I got back, and to my surprise, there was nobody home besides Jack, at least I thought. I woke up in the morning and went downstairs to get my clothes washed. I probably wouldn't have done it, but because they had fish guts all over them I couldn’t bear it.

I thought about what I should do today. Many options floated around in my head but I decided on going to the aquarium. I only had two hundred dollars which was plenty to get an uber to the aquarium. Fortunately for me, the entrance was free if you were under 18. Once again, the Uber driver didn't peep the whole car ride. It only cost me about 60 bucks for a 2-hour drive. I walked up the stone steps into one of the most magnificent aquariums in the world. There were sculptures of dolphins and sea turtles the size of trucks put up on stilts. There were paintings of waves on the walls of the building.

I strolled into the building and went straight to the turtle section. There was a family of sea turtles swimming in a massive cage along with nurse sharks. The animals were truly spectacular. It was feeding time and all of the creatures seemed to be chowing down on some mackerel. I watched as they inhaled one fish at a time.

It reminded me of my birthday parties with my friends. Specifically when we would do cupcake shots. (continued on next page)

Next, I went to the shark portion of the aquarium. I wanted to see a tiger shark, I don't remember why in hindsight. They were all sleeping, peacefully. I walked up to them and touched the glass. They reminded me of my mother sleeping when I made breakfast in bed for her. It made me depressed.

I kind of just walked around for a bit. I saw the sea otters playing like me and my sister used to. I saw some dolphins doing show stunts for the entertainment of tourists which reminded me of my step-mom and her hate for the idea of dolphins being slaves. It all made me really damn depressed. So I decided to go back to Jersey.

I'll quickly tell you about the trip because it was really boring. I told Jack that I wanted to go back to Jersey and that I needed some dough for a ticket. He's very nice and loaded with dough, so I got what I needed. The plane ride was better this time as I had enough money to get seats in business class. I'm never riding coach again.

I showed up at my dad's house first and told him I was really sorry. He was just glad that I was ok and home. I could tell he was worried sick about me. I next went to my mom's house and apologized again. She said the same thing to me, my dad said. Although the only person who didn't seem to be happy that I was home was my sister. **A very false story.

The night before the crime scene was found, the Chatham Day School eighth grade students broke into the science classroom with a beautiful, totally-not-going-to-get-them-expelled plan: destroy the science classroom the sixth grade was so fond of. Their rage fueled them and they were ready to get revenge.

It needs to be said that these eighth graders didn’t have a passionate dislike towards all of the sixth grade. Adam, Stella, and Caden, to name a few, were kind and friendly towards the eighth grade. But their need for revenge unfortunately outweighed their love towards some of the sixth graders, and thus, the Category 5 Gordon advisory struck the science classroom.

Cackling, they tore up the room, overturning chairs, knocking down whiteboards, tossing markers, pens, pencils, and highlighters to the floor carelessly. Lilian zipped open her backpack to reveal yards upon yards of crepe paper streamers in blue and white. She and Nick ripped massive pieces off and chucked them at the desks at random. They let the rolls fall naturally off of the chairs, and in the process knocked over some textbooks that those sixth graders left on the desks.

For some reason, James felt the need to meticulously take the tape roll out of the holder that usually sat happily on Ms. Gadzi’s desk, so everyone just let him be as he muttered under his breath about it. Olie, Harry, Daniel, and Alexis were sadly still quarantining at the time, but Hannah was on FaceTime with the four of them and was dutifully walking them through all that was going on, pretending to be a vlogger and making Alexis laugh.

Raahil and Gavin reached into their pockets and pulled out plastic bags full of white powder, which they opened and began dumping out onto a desk. Brynn silently judged them, and when Dylan asked what it was, they replied in unison, “sniffy dust”. No one asked further.

Emily sniffed in disgust as they flicked a water bottle over, grinning as it hit the desk and spilled a sugary liquid all over it, nearly ruining the sniffy dust. Alex elbowed James and asked him if that’s where the 6th graders got all of their energy. James said nothing, still immersed in his tape.

Jordan and Alex were making a special pair as they worked together to try and balance a broom on the corner of one of the desks. Eventually, they gave up, threw it down on the floor, and walked over to the pool table to try to begin a game. Olivia stood in front of them, filming a TikTok to a dance she just learned. Brynn noticed she was filming halfway through and jumped in.

Olie was trying to get Lilian’s attention to tell her about something that happened in their discord group chat, but Lilian was too impressed with Olivia’s skills and ignored him. Olie accidentally screamed at her too loud and his mom barged into his room. Olie’s eyes widened and he hung up, Harry cackling over the phone. One could really never be sure, however, because he didn’t have his camera on. The eighth graders assumed. continued on next page

Unfortunately, Alex and Jordan couldn’t find the pool balls, to which Gavin made a joke I won’t write down. (No one laughed.) Jordan opened the door to the mini fridge and pulled out a random drink he found. It wasn’t his, but he opened it up and began drinking anyway.

Alex took to unsubtly making fun of James with Daniel popping in once in a while on the phone.

“Hey, does anyone know whose Chromebook this is?” Raahil asked, gesturing to an unlabeled computer sitting sadly on a desk.

“Nope,” Nick replied, intensely focused on ripping up little pieces of white crepe paper.

Raahil shrugged, and when, to his delight, the computer was already unlocked, he started up a game of boxing random with Dylan.

“Hey, are we done?” Hannah asked, her arm tired from holding it up for too long trying to show the FaceTime people.

“I guess,” Alex said. “Hey look, James finally got the stupid tape roll out. Okay, everyone, are we done?”

Olivia, Brynn, and Hannah nodded. Nick mumbled a “yeah,” still focused on his streamers. Gavin, who was looking over Raahil’s shoulder (Raahil, of course, was getting brutally beaten by Dylan as she scored her fourth point), gave a thumbs up, speaking for the whole group. Emily nodded.

Jordan put the now empty can on a desk and nodded, and Lilian was immersed in her text conversation with Olie but she made a vague movement the students took to mean “yes”.

Everyone else was mostly spoken for.

“Finally,” Hannah said, quickly saying goodbye to the online people and hanging up.

Dylan pumped her fist as she won 5-1, gloating with a massive grin. Raahil kindly told her to shut up and he closed the Chromebook, Gavin laughing at him obnoxiously. Lilian and Emily had made plans for the night, and Emily was giggling at something Olie said on Lilian’s phone.

Everyone suddenly got a text notification at once, and they checked their phones frantically, nervous they were getting caught or it was an Amber Alert or something. But no, it was a Descendants meme Alexis had sent to the whole group chat along with a string of crying laughing emojis. Hannah immediately responded with some emojis of her own. Alex and James rolled their eyes and James whispered something in Alex’s ear no one heard.

Lilian said “fruity,” and the whole floor table laughed, Raahil elbowing Gavin suggestively. James looked exasperated, trying and failing to defend himself. Alex whispered that they shouldn’t worry because it was past his bedtime, which just made them laugh harder. continued on next page

Eventually, the eighth graders all made it downstairs, where their various parental units were waiting with varying levels of impatience. Of course, they all were in support of the grand plan, because it’s a well-known fact that at least one sixth grader has offended you during your lifetime, but it had taken a little longer than anticipated.

Alex’s parents were the first ones in line, and Alex walked very fast to his car to keep a low profile. Brynn and Hannah carpooled, and Raahil and Gavin carpooled, and Lilian and Emily were carpooling. Dylan made a very dramatic goodbye to Lilian, complaining that she was cheating. Lilian brought up the topic of Susan, and Dylan shut up. Jordan and Olivia just kind of disappeared. Andrew waved out the window to James, who looked back in horror. Nick cackled out of the window as he rolled out.

The next day, the professionals arrived on scene. The police were first, called immediately by Ms. Gadzi when she saw the disaster her precious classroom had become. Dr. Mott had called a Middle-Upper School meeting, and was asking everyone if they knew about the cause of the crime or the prime suspects. He was most suspicious of the fifth and sixth grade, for reasons unknown. Andrew was the only non-eighth grade student who knew what really happened, but he was sworn to secrecy under a threat he refused to talk about.

The police officers secured the crime scene by wrapping DO NOT CROSS crime scene tape around the desks. After making sure it was secure, CSI units did a walk-through and began to come up with possible theories and motives. They documented all the evidence and started sketching the scene. No medical examiners were called, as there were no known casualties. The detectives took over for Dr. Mott, who thanked them passionately. Most of the evidence was okay, but the white powder was taken in to be further analyzed by the forensic specialists. They were concerned it was illegal to be in possession of.

The eighth graders were never convicted. The conclusion the police made was that raccoons broke in the open windows and wreaked havoc in search of something edible. The entire Middle and Upper School were out of school for a week as a result of the crime, to give everyone a break after the traumatizing experience. All in all, a successful caper for the eighth grade. They celebrated and began planning their next offense.