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Editor’s Note

1 April 2022 Editor-in-chief: Jillian Piper • editor.charlatan@gmail.com

Amid changing COVID-19 restrictions and an odd amount of once-in-a-lifetime events, the Charlatan staff has worked tirelessly to keep the Carleton community informed. Behind the scenes, we have cackled during unhinged ed staff meetings, posted questionable memes in our Slack channels and had sleep-deprived laughing fits while filing copy. Not only is the current Charlatan masthead a phenomenal group of journalists, but they’re also part-time comedians. Due to journalistic standards, I often have to remove the jokes that the editors try to sneak into their content. Occasionally the odd #IAmARaven comment is approved, but the average reader doesn’t get to see just how funny the staff really is. In this special joke issue of the Charlatan, readers get a glimpse of the editorial staff’s humour. As EIC I have the final editorial say on content, and I say one last time to my amazing, talented and hilarious staff: that’s funny.

Volume 51, Issue 2 Editor-in-Chief Jillian Piper News Editors Laura Blanchette and Isaac Phan Nay National Editor Benjamin Steven Features Editor Christianna Alexiou Arts and Culture Editor Pippa Norman Op/Ed and Blogs Editor Isabel Harder Sports Editor Mark Colley Photo Editor Spencer Colby Graphics Editor Sara Mizannojehdehi Copy Editor Valerie Patulot Multimedia/Web Editor Parisha Haque Social Media Manager Makayla Morgan

AD: STUFFED J-SCHOOLER, ANYONE? JONAH GRIGNON Perhaps I acted preemptively. Perhaps I should have waited for the warmer spring weather. Perhaps, for a second straight year, I overestimated Carleton’s wild groundhog population. Alas, I will go home empty-handed again. Not a single critter caught in one of the many traps I set up in front of the Richcraft Building. It proved not to be the rodent hotspot I once believed it to be.

On a separate, absolutely unrelated note, would anyone like to purchase a life-size, freshly-taxidermied journalism student? The stuffed model is fully lifelike, complete with a wool toque, Blundstones™ and a zebra-patterned S’well™ water bottle. For an additional fee of $4.20, you will receive a heavilystickered laptop and a copy of the Canadian Press style guide—both essential aspects of the

creature’s ecosystem. Model is ideal for filling out crowds at events or being set up for hours on end at your coffee shop (don’t worry, it won’t look out of place).

Please send your inquiries directly to groundhoggrabber69@ hotmail.com. Serious inquiries only.

News

3 April 2022 News Editors: Isaac Phan Nay and Laura Blanchette • news.charlatan@gmail.com

‘We have feelings’: Carleton’s building support group consoles pain from student hate AUSTINA YU

From Loeb to Tory, Carleton’s buildings are done facing harsh criticism from students alone. Now, they come together to grieve in a support group created by Loeb Building.

Participants in the group said they suffer from low self-esteem because of their confusing and unattractive designs. The group is led by Loeb Building, which says it wanted to help other buildings because of its own struggle coming to terms with its appearance. “It’s not hard to see why I’m an easy target,” Loeb said. “Mary Shelley wishes I was her Frankenstein.” Loeb said the group helped it connect with other buildings facing similar judgment.

“I may have a ground-level exit on my third floor, but at least people don’t mistake me for Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated,” Loeb said. “Poor Dunton Tower.” Robertson Hall, a regular attendee of the support group, said it has been helpful for buildings to share their stories in a nonjudgmental environment. “I used to feel like I was the eyesore of campus,” Robertson Hall said through misted eyes. “I was so relieved when I met the Herzberg Laboratories and realized that things could be so much worse.” The support group is urging the university to take more responsibility to help the buildings and the students who use them. University Centre said at least once a month, a student has a breakdown in the stairwell claiming they spent the last hour trying to find a washroom.

“ ” “I was so relieved when I met the Herzberg Laboratories and realized that things could be so much worse.” Robertson Hall

“By the time they find Basil Box, they may as well be directed to the Wellness Centre too,” University Centre said. Mackenzie Building echoed these sentiments. “Students just stop coming to

class because it takes them an hour to find their classroom,” they said.

Last month, the Wellness Centre told the Charlatan they started a parallel support group for students filled with frustration about campus layout. “It took me until the second term of my third year to figure out that University Centre’s fourth floor is on the same level as Tory’s second floor,” one student said through tears. “Or…is it?” Paterson Hall said they have not joined the support group yet, but they hope that the university will finally listen to the buildings’ concerns. “We can’t all be sugar babies like Nicol,” Paterson said. “Some of us have a history on campus and with great history comes great responsibility. That’s what Peter Parker said, right?” q

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charlatannews

April 2022

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I think I’m going to cry.

ODE TO A RED-EARED SLIDER A POEM BY IZZY-P

There once was a green green turtle He didn’t know how to play Wordle He made out with another And now she’s a mother “Ahh Ahh” that is the sound of turtle sex

National

5 April 2022 National Editor: Benjamin Lopez Steven • national.charlatan@gmail.com

BREAKING: Ottawa Mayor Jim Watson steps down, takes position as LRT driver SPENCER COLBY

Ottawa Mayor Jim Watson has abruptly stepped down as leader of the city to pursue a career on the other side of the tracks. Literally. In a statement released by French-based train manufacturing company Alstom, who makes the light rail trains, the mayor said he is stepping down following allegations the train system was working so well it was scaring local residents. “Frankly, I am just scared that the train is outperforming itself,” Watson said. “The LRT is so efficient, we don’t really know what to do anymore. I mean, it’s like we have no problems. Frankly, it’s concerning.” According to the statement, the mayor’s resignation comes with immediate effect as Watson is set to start his first shift tomorrow as one of LRT’s newest drivers. “You know, I just really think that this will be my opportunity to shine as mayor—uh, I mean, as an LRT driver for the city. This is my opportunity to give back to the community.” Jim Watson’s rule began in 2010 having previously served as a city councillor from 1991 to 1997. It is unclear if his resume was still up-to-date—or even digitized—when he began his application for the LRT. He will see a significant decrease in salary in the new position. ”It’s not about the money, you know, I made a heck of a lot of money off this deal, so on that side of things, I’m running smoothly,” claimed the now former mayor. He did not respond to the Partisan’s question about corruption. With the mayor’s abrupt resignation, a power vacuum remains in the halls of Ottawa City Hall as residents are set to go to the polls to vote on their next mayor on Oct. 24; in a move that will see the LRT-driven city without a conductor for months to come. “I guess that means we’re on holiday, eh?” said one councillor. “I’m going on vacation.” The shift in the balance of power does not

Ottawa Mayor Jim Watson poses with his first delayed train.

come without accusation, as one source, who the Partisan agreed not to name, accused the city’s planning committee of creating problems to deal with the absence of not having any problems. “I have evidence the planning committee purposely derailed the LRT to create the illusion of imperfection in an effort to ease the minds of residents,” said the councillor. Alstom could not provide details as to

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when the mayor will start his new job but some Ottawa residents are worried. “I am just not sure Watson has the qualifications for the job, you know, come to think about it, I’ve never even seen him ride the train before,” said local resident Imma Trane, who rides the train to and from work. It is unclear how well the train will continue to run but for now, local residents remain confused. q

April 2022

charlatannational

Ford unveils election strategy: tiny props to look bigger than opponents

Doug Ford waves with his HUGE, MASSIVE, ENORMOUS fingers. BENJAMIN LOPEZ STEVEN

Inspired by his red shovel, Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced his new election strategy today: make all of his campaign materials tiny to look giant compared to other candidates. Ford announced his new strategy outside the Legislative Assembly of Ontario while standing behind a childsized podium. “Ontarians need a government that shows it is powerful and capable in delivering what they want and need,” Ford said. “One of the ways the Progressive Conservatives will do this is with an illusion.” The Ontario premier said he decided on the strategy after a video displaying him hunched over, shovelling snow with a comically small red shovel went viral. “Yeah, the shovel wasn’t very effective but c’mon, I looked absolutely

PHOTO PROVIDED BY BRUCE REEVE

ginormous,” Ford said. In his remarks, Ford said his team has been hard at work downsizing his office so everything is at least half the size it was before. Pens have been reduced to the size of his fingers, and his wooden office desk has been replaced by a plastic one from Fisher-Price.

“

Yeah, the shovel wasn’t very effective but c’mon, I looked absolutely ginormous.

”

Doug Ford Premier of Ontario

Ford’s main opponents, Ontario NDP leader Andrea Horwath and Ontario Liberal Party leader Steven Del Duca did not comment publicly on the announcement, but leaked party emails that have been obtained by the Charlatan suggest their parties are forming counterstrategies.

“If Ford wants to look bigger, then we need to look taller to match,” said Horwath, who suggested raising every platform that NDP candidates stand on by five metres. An email exchange between Del Duca and the Liberal caucus suggests the party isn’t concerned with size or height, but is compensating for Ford by hiring stand-ins to cheer at campaign events, with the intention of making the party look more popular. “Guys, I swear, we’re a legitimate party,” Del Duca said, referring to the Ontario Liberals losing official party status in 2018 after obtaining only 7 seats. “This will work. When it does, we’ll stop Ford and Trudeau will finally call us back.” Ford said he will provide more details on his campaign later this year at a press conference outside the Big Nickel in Sudbury, Ont., which will be downsized to just a regular nickel. q

Features

7 April 2022 Features Editor: Christianna Alexiou • features.charlatan@gmail.com

Charlatan editors vote to make paper Spanish-only publication by fall 2022

TODOS HEMOS PERDIDO LA CABEZA. ¡ENVIÉN AYUDA!

LA MENTIROSA

The Charlatan’s annual staff meeting took place on Friday, April 1. The editorial staff used to meet on a weekly basis, but editor-in-chief Gilligan Pfeiffer ruled last year that “one meeting is more than enough.” And most section editors agreed. “Hey, if I’m doing the absolute bare minimum and getting paid, I’m happy,” said national editor Ben Dover. “After all, we’re just a student paper. Who’s reading this shit anyway?” The editors discussed a lot of different topics during the meeting, but only few actually had to do with the Charlatan. There was a lot of discussion about turtles and when asked about the relevance, one of the editors whose Zoom name was

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labelled “#IAmARaven,” unmuted and yelled “Mind your business buddy!” The atmosphere of the meeting was tense and awkward, especially with Dover constantly using the “Raise hand function” in Zoom while everyone else was just unmuting and speaking freely. Pfeiffer rolled her eyes and threatened to fire him every time this happened. But by far the most shocking was the editorial staff’s rogue decision to make the paper a Spanish-only publication by the fall 2022 semester. The features editor, who legally changed her name to Christiano Ronaldo based on the editorial vote, was most excited about this decision. “He estado estudiando español en Carleton durante cuatro años y aunque todavía necesito usar el traductor de

Google, creo que esta es una gran decisión,” Ronaldo said. Pfeiffer said that Ronaldo has only been speaking Spanish for the past two months and the other editors have no idea what she’s been saying. “Spanish is a cool language though and it seems like she knows what she’s doing,” she said. “I don’t think anyone is really reading our content anyway, so switching the language shouldn’t be that big of a deal.” And though decisions like this are usually addressed at the Charlatan’s annual general meeting with board members and other eligible voters, Pfeiffer said “she couldn’t care less.” “I run this place and if people want to write for us, I suggest they sign up for some Spanish classes.” q

Which section editor are you most like?

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Arts/Culture

9 April 2022 Arts Editor: Pippa Norman • arts.charlatan@gmail.com

Bird Food Reviews: Dumpster dive with Arnold

PIPPA NORMAN

Stowed away in the most unsuspecting of places—for reasons unknown to me—is a cornucopia of fine dining on Carleton’s campus. On a windy day, when the breeze hits the snout just right, lucky passersby can get a whiff of the wonderful concoctions stewing in this sweet sauna. On this fine day, I was waddling my way past Prescott when the wind picked up. I scampered over, enticed by scents of moulding Oasis burgers and rank residence ‘za. Jackpot. Scaling the side of the slippery bastard, I finally got my claw wedged beneath the lid and whoosh. A swift swan dive and I was in dumpster bliss. The curdling cheese curds and thick rancid oil coated my fur, giving it the sheen it’s been missing. I looked over at crusty caf cookies, calling out to me, “Arnold we’ve missed you,” and “Arnold, come snack on us.”

As I sat on my throne of trash I felt like a king. The aromas, the all-you-caneat premise and the pals I saw popping in and out of the dining room made me feel at home. Finally, my company for the evening, the REAL Rodney (the rat), arrived. He scavenged some forgotten vegan mac and cheese, which is oddly naked without the furry green coat its dairy counterparts often come dressed in. While the dung beetle quartet played in the corner, we reminisced about good times like the night when we were here for after hours drinks and some random kid came crashing through the ceiling. “Apparently that idiot got a job at the student paper now... no wonder we can’t trust the media no more,” Rodney (the rat) said. With nostalgia on our minds, we peered up at the patch in the roof as we licked the last few streaks of icing off of a Cinnaholic box. As the raccoon days of summer (I said what I said) draw near and all the little

kiddos go home to their burrows, now is the time to capitalize on the delights of this hidden gem. Dumpster à la Prescott receives five out of five on Arnold’s Paws food critic site. q

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charlatanarts/culture

April 2022

New CUAG exhibit draws recordbreaking crowd with nude exhibit

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PIPPA NORMAN

Often referred to as “figure painting,” a new exhibit at the Carleton University Art Gallery(CUAG) featuring paintings of nude models by local artists is attracting staff, students and faculty, many of which are visiting the gallery for the first time. Titled “Naked and (Un)Afraid,” the exhibit opened at the beginning of March and will remain open until the end of the semester. “In this COVID-y world filled with masks and germ-protecting things, I feel like many of us are losing sight of just how wonderful the human form truly is,” Inda Buff, curator of the exhibit, said. “I wanted to bring us all back to nature with this one.” The exhibit’s opening day on March 9 had 200 people in attendance. Among them was

Titsan Dass, a first-year computer science student at Carleton. When asked how he found out about the exhibit, he said it was a hot topic of discussion at the recent mixer he went to for culturally refined first years, such as himself. “Duh yuh we were all slammin’ em back and some kid was like ‘YO did u see in that Plate of the Raven email thing that there’s gonna be porn on campus?’” Dass said. Hollee Hooters, a fourth-year art history student at Carleton, said the large numbers at the art gallery were not necessarily due to the impressive raw talent on display. “These models sat for hours in compromising positions for the sake of these masterpieces,” Hooters said. “Then all these idiots come here to ogle them because, well, to put it bluntly, they can’t get laid.” She said she would have liked to have

seen a system in place similar to the recently dismissed vaccine passports, but instead of checking for vaccination status, she’s recommending intelligence levels be checked. “CUAG is no place for these doofuses who still probably laugh at 5318008 on a calculator,” Hooters said. However, Streek Er, a second-year biomedical sciences student, said he was there to educate himself on the sophisticated nature of the art of painting and the beauty in this “forbidden fruit.” “Gah..... BOOBS....” Er said. CUAG staff said they intend to keep the exhibit open despite complaints about some of the patrons. “This is the most attention we’ve gotten in years,” Fullee Klothed, director of exhibits at CUAG, said. “Honestly, it’s just kind of nice to have people know we exist...” q

Op/Ed & Blogs

11 April 2022 Op/Ed Editor: Isabel Harder • oped.charlatan@gmail.com

Opinion: Cereal should always be poured before milk ISABEL HARDER Cereal comes first. It is what nature intended. At the Charlatan, we strive to do what’s best, to do what’s right. At the Charlatan, we always pour our cereal before we pour our milk. It’s just the way things are. When one pours cereal first, they are able to accurately gauge the amount of food they have poured. If they have poured too much, it is easy to return some dry cereal to the box. Food waste is a cardinal sin. To waste perfectly good Cheerios, or Oatmeal Crisp— the favourite amongst Charlatan editors—is even worse. When one pours cereal second, there is no turning back. As a sinner descends into hell, the cereal pourer descends their breakfast into chaos. How can one be expected to begin their day with such an unhinged event? No person could ever be expected to continue on with business as usual after such a catastrophe. Breakfast is supposed to be the most balancing and grounding meal of the day—one literally breaks their fast from the night prior as a start to their day. To begin this process with a move as vile and horrific as pouring milk first sets one up for failure. Pouring the cereal first allows for evenly moistened cereal with just the perfect amount of milk. Like pouring dressing on a salad, starting with a solid and following it with a liquid only makes sense. It is the only way to ensure proper coating of the solid. To quote the great chef Gordon

Cereal should always be poured first. Ramsay himself: “You don’t want dressing with some salad, you want a salad with some dressing.” Pouring the milk second ensures you have your salad and the right amount of dressing. It ensures you won’t cut the roof of your mouth on crispy shards of grain that have yet to be moistened while floating at the top of the bowl. It ensures you hear the Snap, Crackle, Pop! of the processed rice flakes you’re about to ingest. It ensures you don’t fill your face with cereal slime and are able to enjoy crunchy morsels

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instead. It ensures cereal doesn’t plop into the milk and splash cow juice all over the counter. It ensures your place in the order of things remains as it should be. To do anything else not only makes me fear for your emotional wellbeing but spiritual wellbeing as well. Be not like the heathens who disregard all order in favour of a chaotic reality. Pour your milk second. Your cereal—and your soul—will thank you. q

April 2022

charlatanopinion/editorial

Opinion: Milk should always be poured before cereal

Milk should always be poured first. DOMINIQUE GENÉ Pouring your milk before your cereal is a celebration of life and independence. Doing otherwise undermines the struggle for humanity’s liberation. We learn about those who take pleasure in rewriting history to their advantage. They ban books and erase traditions. They do everything in their power to hide the truth and mislead you. But I’ve been sent to enlighten you. Centuries ago, a group called the World Warriors led the fight for free-

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dom and unity against The Highest Order—a powerful group that terrorized and pillaged nations. Each battle was bloodier and deadlier than the last. But the Warriors came out victorious. To celebrate their newly-found freedom, they stood on the Mountain of the Brave. In a large bowl, the leader poured out a jug of snow-white milk which symbolized the blood of those who gave their lives. He then picked out the cereal grain by grain from a sack, which he said signified abundance and

prosperity. Speaking to the crowd, he cried, “May the blood of our brothers and sisters be poured first, without which freedom would remain an unanswered prayer.” When you put your milk first, you’re not only paying homage to these brave warriors, but you’re also reaping countless benefits. Pouring the cereal after the milk makes it stay crispy for longer. If you enjoy eating soggy Lucky Charms or Corn Flakes, that’s between you and your dentist. But you should care about food waste. When you put your cereal first, you’re left with a puddle of milk after you’re done because you didn’t see how much milk you poured. The counterargument that you can drink the milk or add more cereal fails to consider one thing: You might already be full. For the record, unless you’re slam dunking the cereal in the bowl of milk, it won’t splatter anywhere. The cereal-first majority has been brainwashed by descendants of the Order who, to no one’s surprise, cannot accept defeat. They put a spin on the tradition and claimed adding the cereal first leads to wealth and order. This doesn’t make sense now, does it? Well, sore losers never do. As a journalist, my right to advocacy is constantly snatched away in the name of being objective and impartial. But this is an opinion piece, so you’ll hear my two cents. Put your milk first. It’s the right thing to do. Thousands of people didn’t die so you could sit in your fancy kitchen with a double-door refrigerator and three sinks, adding the cereal before the milk. Pull yourself together. q

Sports Nihilism sets in for men’s basketball after perfect season

13 April 2022 Sports Editor: Mark Colley • sports.charlatan@gmail.com

Men’s basketball head coach Taffe Charles (left) catches some Zs during a blowout against another bad team. MARK COLLEY

The Carleton Ravens men’s basketball team posted a perfect 14-0 record in the 2021-22 season, extending their reign of dominance over Ontario University Athletes (OUA) and all of U Sports. They’ve now lost only eight times in the regular season since Feb. 6, 2010—a span of 228 games. But amid all the winning, nihilism is setting in among the team and coaching staff. According to a source in the Carleton clubhouse, players are beginning to question whether any of their wins matter. “I’ve had three or four players come up to me looking lost,” the source said. “They just have an overwhelming feeling that everything is useless and there is no objective truth.” One player who spoke to the Charlatan said all the winning had gotten boring. “To be honest, I don’t even know what nihilism means. I had to Google it,” the

player said, a sentiment shared with the author of this article. “But it sounds cool. I mean, look—we beat uOttawa and it was boring. Why keep playing?” Many players are now considering enrolling in a master’s degree in philosophy. Two players said they were entering the priesthood; another said he was planning on becoming a Buddhist and backpacking India. One player even mentioned becoming a monk, citing the “simpler lifestyle” where “I don’t have to think about winning anymore.” “I don’t know where these guys are going, but that monastery is gonna have one hell of a basketball team,” said one Carleton coach. “Do monks even play basketball? They should. Ballin’ is definitely a spiritual pursuit.” The recent change of tone for the Ravens’ clubhouse could spell trouble for Carleton’s dynasty, which is closing in on the two decade mark. The players who

PHOTO BY L. MANUEL BAECHLIN

spoke to the Charlatan weren’t scared of losing their throne. “After you win the championship 15 times, it’s kinda just like, all this for a piece of metal?” one player said. “Maybe I’ll leave before my eligibility is up, then come back when I’m 30, just so winning feels good again.” Although the news was met with disappointment from Carleton students, who have experienced only four years of soul-crushing victory instead of 19, many across the OUA and U Sports were ecstatic. That included one rival coach, who said it would take several seasons to remember what winning felt like. “Sorry, you’re asking for the last time I won a championship? Do you know what league I coach in?” the coach said. “Journalists these days.” The Charlatan pressed the coach for an answer, but the coach blocked our number. q

charlatansports

April 2022

Carleton quidditch team receives varsity status MARK COLLEY

Alongside basketballs, hockey sticks and shin guards, the Carleton Ravens equipment manager will have new gear in their portfolio: plastic broomsticks. The Carleton quidditch team has officially received varsity status from the university, joining the ranks of varsity basketball, hockey, soccer and rugby. The team will compete in Ontario University Athletics (OUA), which recently added quidditch to its list of G1 sports. The move was met with celebration from some. “We’ve been lobbying for this for years. It’s so nice to see our sport get some recognition,” team captain Seeg Kerr said. “Maybe now my parents will stop telling me to get a real job.” Obtaining varsity status means the team will receive funding from the university for its program. This allows for improvements in equipment, like the PVC pipes players hold between their legs while playing, Kerr said. “I think we may be able to upgrade to steel pipes instead of PVC,” Kerr said. “This will help us on the pitch. Opponent makes one wrong move? BAM. Steel pipe straight to the noggin.” Kerr later retracted his statement, expressing concern that Carleton Athletics “wouldn’t be happy with me encouraging violence against others. I’ve already been warned twice and I really don’t want to go through the paperwork again.” The Charlatan decided to publish his comments anyways because we’re badasses. While quidditch players celebrated, others said they were frustrated. The Carleton men’s rugby team, which will start competing in the Réseau du sport étudiant du Québec (RSEQ) next year, does not have varsity status, meaning it

Carleton’s quidditch team flexes on those hoes now that they’re varsity.

doesn’t receive additional funding from Athletics. Imup Set, president of the men’s rugby team, said this represented a double standard. “Are you fucking serious? Quidditch got varsity status before us?” Set said while quietly weeping and caressing a rugby ball. “I’m done. I quit. This is bullshit. Carleton is paying money for a bunch of grown adults to cosplay for two hours.” The OUA’s decision to add quidditch to the list of G1 sports was also met with criticism. G1 sports have higher entry fees

PHOTO BY ANYA SWETTENHAM

to join the OUA than G2 or G3 sports, as well as more stringent broadcast requirements. They also have different eligibility requirements. “To be honest, we did it for the meme,” an OUA source told the Charlatan in a text. “Everyone takes their sport so seriously, so we wanted to see how much we could get under their skin. Plus, making it a G1 sport means teams have to pay us more money. Hell, I just bought a cottage in Muskoka last week. Quidditch is great!” The source signed their text “lol rofl lmfao, see you in the fall suckers.” q

Photos

15 April 2022 Photo Editor: Spencer Colby • photo.charlatan@gmail.com

A Love Letter Poem to Photographers

BY: CLICK BUTTON MAKE PICTURES Warning: This story may contain flashing lights Dear photographers, Author’s note: This poem was going to be a love letter to a photographer, but then I remembered, photographers only think in pictures. So here’s a badly written poem instead. Once upon a time, we made our images on film. Now, we shoot on digital. Or even overly priced Leica cameras that cost an arm and a leg. Literally. Sometimes, we cry when the light is not right. Sometimes, we go into bouts of rage. But in the end, the frame gets made. We strive to capture the perfect moment but make the fatal mistake of leaving the lens cap on. We make the mad dash out of our house to cover a story but leave behind our batteries and spare cards. We live and breathe the Canadian Press Stylebook but for some of us, we can’t style our way out of it. Once upon a time, we dreamt of having all the gear. Our bank accounts said no. Either at dusk or at dawn is when you’ll see us outside of our house but never in between. Some of us are landscape photographers. Some are portrait or studio shooters. But in the end, we all think that our genre is better than the others. Landscape photographers are losers. We love taking pictures but never getting our picture taken. We run when the camera is pointed the wrong way. We despise the iPhone photographer and cringe at the Leica shooter. But in the end, the frame gets made. Long live the photographer, for the photographer is all we have.

April 2022

charlatanphotos

THE FUN NEWS PHOTOS BY SPENCER COLBY

Captions from top-left to bottom-left: 1. Italian soccer fans take to the streets in celebration of their team’s 2020 EURO cup victory. 2. When the Panda game returns, so do the streakers. 3. Pride is back, baby!

Captions from top-right to bottom-right: 1. The tulips have reclaimed their rightful spot at Dow’s Lake ahead of the Canadian Tulip Festival. 2. Skaters are seen on opening day of the Rideau Canal Skateway on Jan. 14. 3. When the canal is poppin’, so are the Winterlude festivities.

Graphics

17 April 2022 Graphics Editor: Sara Mizannojehdehi • graphics.charlatan@gmail.com

Number four will 1

1. Taking in the gorgeous construction sights around campus.

you!

2. Looking at the tunnels and reminiscing about The Great Flood.

charlatangraphics

April 2022

4 3. Gasping for air while getting steps in at the University Centre.

5 4. Visiting St. Patrick’s Building and losing all sense of space and time.

5. Playing with Charlatan frisbees by the canal. GRAPHICS BY SARA MIZANNOJEHDEHI