Decoding the Personality Puzzle: Finding

By Lauren Vu

ISFJ, ISFP, INFP, INFJ, and INTP.

Stanton doesn’t believe she fits those: She is an ENFJ. She is extroverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging. Myer Briggs says ENFJs are helpful, creative leaders.

These people make up the asexual community.

They call themselves aces.

One of them, sophomore broadcast journalism major Shannon Stanton, transferred from Chapman after her freshman year to find a new home at Suffolk University in Massachusetts.

“As an ace person, you kind of feel out of place everywhere,” Stanton said.

While personality does not always influence sexuality, according to Chapman psychology professor Ashley Weller, there is evidence for this sexual minority that suggests a relationship between the two.

To Stanton, personality and asexuality have no relationship.

“I feel like people might think people who are asexual are super quiet,” said Stanton. “And that’s just not the case for me. I’m very outgoing. And I love connecting with people. I don’t really see a correlation there.”

INFJs are more likely to identify as asexual.

One Chapman sophomore identifies with that. She asked for anonymity, but she is an animation and visual effects major. INFJ personality type identifies as sexually repulsed. INFJs tend to steer away from casual sex and are least likely to masturbate, according to Weller. The sophomore source said she found asylum in the animation major away from the omnipresence of college hookup culture.

“I’ve always found safety in kids’ shows… There’s a lot of comfort in knowing that I can just turn on something like that and not worry about a random sex scene,” she said.

“Given” is one of the shows in which the anonymous source found comfort. She envied the romance between the two male protagonists.

The standard most use to judge is the well known Myer Briggs Personality Indicator.

The 16 Myers Briggs types are different combinations of introversion versus extroversion, intuition versus sensing, thinking versus feeling, and perceiving versus judging. They go by complicated initials that won’t mean much to the average reader. But five of them are most likely to be asexual, according to Weller. Those are:

“It made me so sad. I just want what they have. They’re in love and they aren’t having sex,” said the source.

Though INFJs and INTPs are most likely to be aromantic, the anonymous source said she feels romantic attraction in rare cases. Her one-year relationship was one of them. Unfortunately, she did not have the same luck as the characters in “Given” when her partner broke up with her for not wanting to have sex.

“I have not been in a relationship since,” she said. “And I have not pursued one since.”

In a world motivated by sex, asexual individuals often feel alone.

Trust issues are common among ace people. The judging silences and confused stares after they come out are enough to steer ace people away from pursuing relationships.

It feels even worse when doctors tell ace people that they are scientifically abnormal.

Some say aces are erroneously led to believe by physicians that they can be treated for a medical problem.

“If somebody just doesn’t want to have sex, that does not mean that something is medically wrong with them,” Weller said.

In a world that seems to be motivated by sex–a world that says not having sex is wrong–it is often difficult for an allosexual person–someone who experiences sexual attraction–to stay in a relationship with an asexual individual.

Remy Cashman, a 2017 Chapman graduate who majored in film production and is now a post production assistant on “Outlander,” identifies as bisexual. During college, the young woman Cashman liked told them that she did not want to have sex. Unlike many others who unknow- ingly enter relationships with ace individuals, Cashman did not take it personally.

“There’s the expectation of sex. But there shouldn’t be one in general. Just en joy your time with the person and see what happens,” Cashman said.

Experts agree that if there is one thing the general population can learn from ace people, it is to treat every relationship as sacred–not just the romantic ones or the ones that satisfy sexual needs. Asexual people do not have to worry about “situationships” or “friends with benefits,” which are pseudo-relationships that are centered around sex and too often end in heartbreak.

“I think that I find that my friendship[s] with ace people are a lot stronger and deeper,” said the anonymous ace source. “Not having the partner be the priority in a friendship… means you can get a lot closer to them. I tend to treat my friendships with the same kind of emotional depth as most people would treat their relationships, and I find that there tends to be this massive difference in effort.”

Finding where sexuality fits with personality does not complete the entire puzzle. Personality tests like Myers Briggs do not tell the whole story, but can provide a glimpse into how one can grow as a person.

Periodically taking love language and attachment style tests could help romantic partners improve their conflict resolution and adjust to each other’s communication styles and needs.

Learning how to understand a significant other is the most important part of any relationship, regardless of sexuality or personality.

Weller added:

“Above all, the most imperative thing, regardless of personality type, is knowing how your partner wants to be loved, whether that’s physically, emotionally, verbally, through kindness, through small acts of service.”