TLC FOR NEWBIE HUSBANDS AND WIVES
More than just seemingly bite-size crash courses in Marriage 101, the CFC Young Couples program is an accessible wellspring and avenue for shared wisdom, care and formation for young couples who are at one of the most crucial stages of their marriages.
“When you look at CFC, [you see that] we don’t have a special eye for the young couples...You won’t see so many young leaders.. [There is also a] need to address the transition of SFCs to CFC,” said Rommel Ancheta, CFC Young Couples program coordinator just before the 3rd Young Couples assembly at the Unilab Bayanihan Center, Pasig City on May 23, 2015. The ojective of the Young Couples program is to empower young CFCs, he said, and at the same time, to address the needs of married people, especially in the early years of marriage, which are often the most prone to separations and marital troubles.
Surprisingly or maybe unsurprisingly, the most glowing reviews about the Young Couples program come from non-CFC members. Bro. Rommel, who has been leading the program since September 2013, shared about a young wife whose 25-year old husband spends all his free time only on two things: basketball and partying. After getting him to attend a Young Couples assembly, she asked him if they could attend the next Young Couples’ assembly after his de riguer basketball game and a scheduled party; his reply shocked her – in a good way. He said, “No need for basketball, no need to attend the party. Let’s go straight to the assembly.” Bro. Rommel also shared about a family doctor in her 30s who told him, “You know, I know so much about family culture. I studied it. But it really is different when you apply it...That’s when I realize that I can’t do it alone. I need a community, I need CFC.”
HEALING MARRIAGE EMERGENCIES BEFORE THEY HAPPEN More than the infamous seven-year itch that is said to threaten most marriages, recent studies show there is a 4-year itch and even a the 12-year itch. The result? Odds seem to be stacked against young couples even before they warm up to the idea of wedded bliss. “They need a community that will help them and in turn, [form them to] help other couples as well. They should seek the guidance and the wisdom of the older couples,” said CFC Young Couples program coordinator Bro. Rommel Ancheta. Gateway evangelization This sort of thinking is backed up by no less than St. John Paul II, who wrote in his encyclical Familiaris Consortio: “Young married couples should learn to accept willingly and make good use of the discreet, tactful and generous help offered by other couples that already have more experience of married and family life.”
“(The family) should be helped and trained in their responsibilities as they face the new problems that arise, in mutual service and in active sharing in family life,” the then Pope added, stressing this is especially true for young families, which are adjusting to new realities in their first years of marriage. For Bro. Rommel, the Young Couples program is not just gateway evangelization at its most intuitive, but is both strategic and exactly what modern society needs. “There is an increase in annulments...The age group [of married couples] who get separated is getting younger and younger,” he noted, citing a study by the Office of the Solicitor General, which showed that there has been a 10% increase in annulments in the Philippines since 2002. Attack on young couples What Bro. Rommel called an “attack on young couples” is worsened, he believes, by modern, external influences like social media, mainstream media, advertising, and the like. “That’s why the individual is highly affected when they make crucial decisions in life,” he observed. This is exactly why, Bro. Rommel said, the aim of the Young Couples program is to empower the young CFCs, as well as to address the needs of newbie husbands and wives. And that may be the best news for marriages.
TELL ME YOU LOVE ME: COUPLES DISCOVER THEIR ‘LOVE LANGUAGES’ A hug or taking out the trash? A dozen roses or telling your wife she’s gorgeous? Some 430 young couples discovered the best way to say “I love you” is to say it in their spouse’s love language. “As long as you know the love language of your spouse you can always their love tank filled,” said Sis. Rachelle Arguelles at tonight’s CFC Young Couples Assembly at the Unilab Bayanihan Center on May 23, 2015. The better half of Bro. Biboy Arguelles, who also gave the session with her, used a combination of psychology and cinema to explain the mechanism of being“in love”, the glorious feeling that everything is perfectly all right. “When you are in that feeling of ‘in love’ like in (the movie) ‘Dear John’, anything that happens, is ok. Everything is beautiful. [But] most psychologists say, that is only temporary; feeling in love lasts only for two years. When reality sets in..that’s when it is important to know the love language of your spouse,” she explained. Earlier, the couple who serve as sector leaders of CFC – Central A, outlined the main differences of men and women, showing that men tend to be more analytical and have “compartmentalized” brains, while women are multi-taskers whose brains can be compared to the internet – where everything is connected. “We are different but we can bridge these differences by knowing our love languages, making our spouse feel loved is the way to make our marriage last,” Sis. Rachelle said. The speakers discussed the five Love Languages, namely: Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, and Words of Affirmation. Aside from having differences because of gender, people with different love languages express and receive love in various ways. Ultimately, Arguelleses emphasized how everything falls perfectly into place; at the end of the day, it’s not the “battle of the sexes” but the harmony of complements. “We are a match made in heaven..Your spouse is God’s plan for you..We are complementary. It means at the end of the day, we are supposed to be better individuals being together... Out of our differences goodnes comes out,” Bro. Biboy explained.