ARE YOU OK? TIM BISHOP

ARE YOU OKAY?

On Friday, 20 July 2018, my life changed radically. To be honest, life changed more profoundly for my wife and some of my friends and mentors than my own, but I will get to that a little later.

If you look at my professional and personal journey from the outside, you would see that of the Chair of the CCF SA Next Gen Committee, the manager of South Australia for a large civil contractor, a man married to a wonderfully devoted partner who has two beautiful young kids. What I am though, is the same as each and every one of us in the construction family. I am human, with a life history that has had its ups and downs.

Now, generally, when we look at how we live our lives, we are governed by a set of rules around those incidents that interrupt the smooth journey like ill health, losing a job, financial issues, death, divorce and everything else day-to-day. I’ve learned in the past few months, that some of those rules we create ourselves, some of those rules are taught, some are indirectly pressured by society, but rules are rules, and we live and breathe those rules daily and they become ingrained in us.

By now you must be wondering where this article is going?

I will start by letting you into the events of 20 July this year. On that day, I made the bravest decision of my life. I finally let my wife and some close friends know that not only was I suicidal but that I had gained the means and made the plan to end my life. Telling you, the reader this, is not easy. I can tell you more certain that my wife looked at me that morning and cried rivers of tears when I made my startling confession to her. She was blindsided. My colleagues whom I have known and worked with for 13 years were utterly shocked. They are mates as well as colleagues, and they didn’t have a clue how I was feeling.

I have been a massive advocate of MATES in Construction over the past two years, and this time period pretty much aligns with my journey through mental health. By day I was promoting mental health to my teams, getting connectors into our business, doing the right thing for others around me, but by night I was battling my own demons. MATES saved me from suicide – a simple phone call to them forced me to get some help.

What have I discovered in the past two years? I discovered that I almost became another statistic. Last year, 3,128 Australians committed suicide. That number rose 9% from the previous year – 2,348 men, 780 women. One person in every two hours and 45 minutes. That’s 56 people a week. In our industry, it is one worker every second day which is greater than 180 lives lost a year. One in every 700 construction workers attempts suicide each year.

I cannot, and will not, claim that I understand other people’s reasons for thinking of suicide, but what I can talk through is how I think we need to provide leadership and make a massive improvement in the culture around mental health. Men, especially those in the construction industry, buy into a self repeating cycle of hyper-masculinity. We should be fit, physically and mentally strong, always positive, independent, and tough. We live by a societal set of rules that tells us to harden up and get on with it. Over the last two years, I’ve lived by a set of rules that almost cost me my life.

So, what do we need to do? Well, I have a few ideas.

1. Listen to our colleagues and friends, and break this cycle of stigma we have created.

‘RU OK?’ and all the programs that promote discussion about mental health are destined to succeed. The consensus, which is backed up by the statistics, is that talking about our feelings, admitting when we need some help, and addressing and dealing with those issues that cause us pain, can lead to lower rates of depression and suicide.

2. Create a culture where discussions about mental health are nonjudgemental and people can ask for help.

The overwhelming message from the support team I have encountered this year is that we are talking about generational change. We need our younger colleagues to be self-aware and pro mental health programs so that we can build from a solid foundation. Part of my role as Chair of Next Gen is to bring young leaders through the CCF SA and bridge the gap with our

mothers, fathers and mentors who have tackled the path in construction before us. In this role I directly challenge those senior leaders to join me and confront this issue head on. Don’t tell people to get over it. Always have the door open. Let your teams know it is ok to not be ok.

3. As leaders (and we are all leaders), step up to the plate and support, drive and let flourish mental health programs that filter through our organisations and communities.

This article was written three months from my startling confession. In that time at least three South Australian construction workers have suicided. That to me is simply unacceptable. Three times as many women engage with mental health support as men. Men are three times more likely to successfully suicide than women. The commonality though is not in the statistics, it is in the people left behind, the grief-struck family and those friends and colleagues who had no idea someone was struggling. My wife and colleagues can attest to being blindsided by my condition.

As 72% of men do not seek help for mental health disorders, most would turn to other activities to cope or mask their emotions. Alcohol, drugs, gambling and domestic violence are part of these coping mechanisms and we all would agree that addressing these issues is of supreme importance to upholding our values in society.

Only 13% of workers feel they can talk to a line manager about mental health problems. If we train our managers in simple mental health discussion techniques, I believe we can improve communication and realise real outcome changes.

Some intriguing patterns have occurred in the discussion around mental health in everyday life and particularly that of our youth. If a man and a woman present to a group on mental health and ask for shared experiences, you will find about 75% of the ladies but only 25% of the men will put their hand up and volunteer. If the two presenters are male, that split changes to 50/50. What this tells us is that men adopt the behaviour and social norms of other men. Men revert to stereotypical behaviour in front of women and generally do not speak up and be vulnerable. This shows the difference we make to each other in a male dominated industry. Imagine if we could increase the participation in mental health discussions by speaking out. Let’s not idolise stoicism and endless positivity.

I wrote this article for two important reasons. The first is a commitment to not hide from my struggles, the second is to step up and break the stigma around our industry’s major cause of loss of life. If I can be there for one person, or a hundred people, I will have helped with change. If the owners, managers and leaders of South Australia’s construction industry band together, we can begin to change our industry. Remember we are all leaders. Your job title does not matter as we all lead in our daily lives whether it is at work or at home.

I will finish up with a simple request. Ask someone each day if they are ok, ask direct questions and look out for your mates. If you are not ok, please tell someone. No one judged me for being suicidal, not one person. And if anyone reading this needs some support, I will stand with that person and help.

Tim Bishop (CCF SA Board Member)