Caregiving Just Happens

CAREGIVING JUST HAPPENS

Submitted by Bonnie Lewis, Interim CRC Coordinator

Hello friends! I’m pleased to be able to facilitate the support groups again for the next few months. November is a very special month for me, including that it’s National Family Caregivers month. I share my birthday month with little granddaughter Catherine (she’s turning 5 already) and I eagerly look forward to the holiday season (and grandson Evan’s first birthday). This year’s celebration of caregivers seems a bit more significant for me. Having recently retired I wish I could hug the caregivers in my life who gave me the skills to be a caregiver. Caregivers provide help with medical, emotional, financial, and legal needs as well as being head cook and bottle washer at various times. I was blessed to have talented grandmothers and a wonderful mom who were strong but compassionate, patient, creative, resilient, and empathetic. Mom, the marvelous matriarch who soothes frazzled nerves, still shows me how to be a better caregiver even as she graciously becomes the care receiver. Caregiving is my personal and professional chosen path; for many it just happens - with no forewarning. The Caregiver Action Network/CAN (caregiveraction.org) has selected #CaregivingHappens for 2022 as the theme to reflect the reality that caregiving just happens, sometimes at inconvenient times, often unplanned and unexpected. It also is meant to help explain why caregivers run late (because they’re picking up a loved one from chemo), that they’re not avoiding friends as they care for a mom with Alzheimer’s, or why meetings are missed at their job. Here are tips from CAN to help maintain a stable relationship as caregiving happens. 1. Keep on talking, keep on communicating 2. Find creative ways to maintain normalcy 3. Take care of yourself 4. Keep your sense of humor 5. Make conscious decisions about the things you can change and let go of the things over which you have no control 6. Put your loved one’s illness or disability in its place and keep it from becoming the sole focus of your life 7. Avoid pity. Hold your ill or disabled family member accountable and responsible for their actions to the fullest extent possible 8. Be patient 9. Maintain your individuality, and don’t own a disease or disability that isn’t yours 10. Realize that relationships are always in flux, and every problem you encounter is not caused by the disease or disability 11. Use a support group as a social outlet and network, not just as a place to talk

about your problems 12. Find something outside yourself to believe in 13. Treat your loved one with respect and expect respect in return 14.Begin to dream again Caregiving is stressful and you are not alone in this experience. The Office for the Aging Sullivan County (sullivanny.us/Departments/ Aging or 845-794-3000) and Sullivan NY Connects (sullivanny.us/Departments/ Aging/SullivanNYconnects or 845-807-0257) are the first places to begin any local search for assistance. There are online and in-person support groups and other resources that can be accessed on the Caregiver Action Network’s website (www. caregiveraction.org/resources/ agencies-and-organizations) that provide support for new and experienced caregivers. There is also a Caregiver Help Desk on that website (or call 855-227-3640) that offers free support to family caregivers nationwide. The CRC continues to provide a weekly Wednesday support group at 6:30 p.m. via ZOOM. Life’s circles evolve and intertwine. I consider each day a gift to be there for my care receiver (love you Mom!), to do tag team caregiving with the help of great sister Patti and my new daughters and hope I can show how to do caregiving with the same unwavering panache and grace of my ancestors.