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Beloved

A Spiritual Companion for Couples All documents are published thanks to the generous support of the members of the Catholic Truth Society

catholic truth society publishers to the holy see

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Contents Part 1

Introduction: Marital Spirituality . . . . . . . . . . . 9

PART 2

The need to pray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21 Prayers of Engaged Couples . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Approaching marriage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The domestic church . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Love one another . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

22 24 26 27

Recalling our Promises . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Bond of marriage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Freedom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Consent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blessing and rings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Nuptial blessing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Indissolubility . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Love and marriage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Human love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

One in heart and mind . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

28 28 29 30 31 32 34 34 35 35 37

Open to Life Together . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Loving new life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Prayer before making love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Prayer to have a child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Prayer for openness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Prayer for trust . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Prayer of Tobias and Sarah . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The couple’s happiness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Song of the bridegroom . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Song of the bride . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Expecting a child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

After the birth of a child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

39 39 40 41 42 43 44 46 47 48 50 50

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Children: gift of marriage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51 Transmission of life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52 What is love? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53 Prayers of a Married Couple . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Remember us today . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Teach us to love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Prayer of dedication . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Prayer for spousal unity . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Gratitude and trust . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Wedding anniversary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Silver wedding . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Golden wedding . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Prayer for anointing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Your spouse’s faith . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The four essential qualities of married love . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Natural fertility awareness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Procreation and love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Give way to one another . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

54 54 55 56 57 59 60 61 61 62 65 66 68 69 70

Praying for your Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

For our children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

At the time of baptism . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

At confirmation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

At first communion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Going to school . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

For the children’s future . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

For priestly vocation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

For young people . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A parent’s prayer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

For a grown-­up child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

71 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80

Prayers for your Family . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82 For the family . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82 Prayer for all your family . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83

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Prayer of a father . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Prayer of thanksgiving . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

For marriage and family . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Prayer to the Sacred Heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

For relatives and friends . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Sacrament of marriage . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Indissolubility . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

84 86 88 89 91 92 93

Some Favourite Prayers . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94 Day by day . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94 One day at a time . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 95 May we do your will . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96 God alone suffices . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96 Peace in our heart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97 St Michael’s prayer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97 Learning to love . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 Prayer for parents . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99 Bless our work . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 100 For the sick . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101 For the suffering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102 For the aged . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 103 For the dying . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 104 Prayers for a journey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105 Protect us as we journey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 106 In the difficulties of life . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107 Lord, you are our refuge . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108

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Part One

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Introduction: Marital Spirituality

A

mong all the other aspects of married life, an essential responsibility of spouses is that they help each other to get to heaven. In a sense, we could say this is their most important mission, worked out through the daily pleasures and challenges that form the graced adventure of living as husband and wife. For the couple, Christian marriage is a vocation to holiness. It gives witness to God’s love, made present in the family home, the “domestic church�.

Through the sacrament of marriage, the natural and earthly lives of the spouses are elevated and orientated towards the supernatural and the heavenly. They enter a school of loving and growing in virtue, manifested in their shared desire and mutual consent, before God and his Church, to love faithfully, freely, fruitfully and totally.

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To live faithfully…

I

n the rite of marriage, the bride and bridegroom are asked if it is their firm decision to take each other as husband and wife: to love, comfort, honour and protect each other, and, “forsaking all others”, to be faithful, one to the other, for as long as they live. This promise of fidelity, of faithfulness, mirrors God’s faithfulness to each of us and Christ’s faithfulness to the Church. For the spouses, this is a permanent and exclusive commitment to each other in a lifelong bond, a covenant of reciprocal loving and trustful devotion.

The love of Christ, which has blessed and sanctified the union of husband and wife, is able to sustain their love and to renew it when, humanly speaking, it becomes lost, wounded or worn out. The love of Christ can restore to spouses the joy of journeying together. This is what marriage is all about: man and woman walking together, wherein the husband helps his wife to become ever more a woman, and wherein the woman has the task of helping her husband to become ever more a man. This is the task that you both share. “I love you, and for this love I help you to become ever more a woman”; “I love you, and for this love I help you to become ever more a man”. Here we see the reciprocity of differences. The path is not always a smooth one, free of disagreements, otherwise it would not be human. It is a demanding journey, at times difficult, and at times turbulent, but such is life! Within this theology which

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the word of God offers us concerning the people on a journey, spouses on a journey, I would like to give you some advice.

It is normal for husband and wife to argue: it’s normal. It always happens. But my advice is this: never let the day end without having first made peace. Never! A small gesture is sufficient. Thus the journey may continue. Marriage is a symbol of life, real life: it is not “fiction”! It is the sacrament of the love of Christ and the Church, a love which finds its proof and guarantee in the cross. My desire for you is that you have a good journey, a fruitful one, growing in love. I wish you happiness. There will be crosses! But the Lord is always there to help us move forward. May the Lord bless you!

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(Pope Francis, Homily for Holy Mass with the Rite of Marriage, Rome, 14th September 2014)

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To live freely…

F

or love to be authentic it has to be free. Any kind of ‘forced’ love would simply not be love. When a couple begin the formal part of the celebration of marriage they are asked whether they have been pressured into taking this step. This is to ensure that their consent is free and unreserved, that it’s a genuine ‘yes’ from the heart. How important this is. Spouses can have no hidden agendas on their wedding day. The love of a man and woman is freely given in marriage, without any strings attached or legal obstructions. Their love is to be like God’s love, free and unconditional.

In the sacrament of matrimony the reciprocal acceptance by both parties, the consent verbally expressed by you, was an external act which has drawn divine grace upon you… Before the altar your free will alone can join you together in the ties of the sacrament of matrimony, no other consent can substitute for yours… Here triumphs the incomparable grandeur of the greatest gift, freedom of the will, and the terrible responsibility given intelligent beings to be the masters of themselves, of their lives and the lives of others, to be the master of lives that leap towards eternity… Dear newlyweds, lift up your eyes

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towards heaven; in the sacrament of your marriage in which you have been the ministers, God has marked and laid out for you the road to salvation.

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(Venerable Pope Pius XII, Address to Newlyweds, Rome, 5th March 1941)

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To live fruitfully…

T

he love spouses have for each other is a fruitful and abundant love. During the marriage liturgy they are asked to accept, lovingly from God, any children with which he may bless them, and to bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church. Each child is the fruit of their loving union. This fruitful love also reaches out to their wider family and society, so that their home becomes a place of welcome, hospitality and service, especially for those in need, reflecting God’s loving embrace.

It is not only the Church that is called to be the image of one God in three persons, but also the family, based on marriage between man and woman. In the beginning, “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply’” (Gn 1:27-28).

God created us male and female, equal in dignity, but also with respective and complementary characteristics, so that the two might be a gift for each other, might value each other and might bring into being a community of love and life. It is love that makes the human person the authentic image of the Blessed Trinity, image of God. Dear married couples, in living out your marriage you are not giving each other any particular thing or activity, but your whole lives. And your love is fruitful first and foremost for yourselves, because you desire and accomplish one another’s good, you experience the

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joy of receiving and giving. It is also fruitful in your generous and responsible procreation of children, in your attentive care for them, and in their vigilant and wise education. And lastly, it is fruitful for society, because family life is the first and irreplaceable school of social virtues, such as respect for persons, gratuitousness, trust, responsibility, solidarity, co-operation.

Dear married couples, watch over your children and, in a world dominated by technology, transmit to them, with serenity and trust, reasons for living, the strength of faith, pointing them towards high goals and supporting them in their fragility.

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(Pope Benedict XVI, Homily for 7th World Meeting of Families, Milan, 3rd June 2012)

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To live totally…

T

he love of spouses is total. There are no “ifs and buts”, no holding anything back. The love of husband and wife is to be whole and unreserved.

Whatever the good times or bad times, whether they end up wealthy or impoverished, healthy or ill, theirs is to be an all-encompassing and enduring love, which images the love of God made real in Christ Jesus our Lord.

In a marriage a man and a woman pledge themselves to one another in an unbreakable alliance of total mutual self-giving. A total union of love. Love that is not a passing emotion or temporary infatuation, but a responsible and free decision to bind oneself completely, “in good times and in bad”, to one’s partner. It is the gift of oneself to the other. It is a love to be proclaimed before the eyes of the whole world. It is unconditional. To be capable of such love calls for careful preparation from early childhood to wedding day. It requires the constant support of Church and society throughout its development.

The love of husband and wife in God’s plan leads beyond itself and new life is generated, a family is born. The family is a community of love and life, a home in which children are guided to maturity. Marriage is a holy sacrament. Those baptised in the name of the Lord Jesus are married in his name also. Their love is a sharing in the love of God. He is

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its source. The marriages of Christian couples, today renewed and blessed, are images on earth of the wonder of God, the loving, life-giving communion of three persons in one God, and of God’s covenant in Christ, with the Church. Christian marriage is a sacrament of salvation. It is the pathway to holiness for all members of a family. With all my heart, therefore, I urge that your homes be centres of prayer; homes where families are at ease in the presence of God; homes to which others are invited to share hospitality, prayer and the praise of God.

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(St John Paul II, Homily for the Holy Mass for the Families, York, 31st May 1982)

ď ˜Rt Rev John Wilson Auxiliary Bishop of Westminster Titular Bishop of Lindisfarne

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