4 minute read
Bereavement Ministry Serves as a Guide for the Grief Journey
As Catholics, we are called to serve our brothers and sisters in Christ — and when someone loses a loved one, it’s a time when they need that helping hand the most. St. Patrick’s Bereavement Ministry is a resource for those navigating grief after losing a loved one. By providing emotional support and solidarity, the ministry gives the bereaved a place to process their grief journey.
“Each of us grieves differently,” says ministry leader Mark Frederick. “Grief is a journey, in the same way as life. It’s very important that we take our time on that journey — you can’t push somebody into grief, and you also can’t push someone out. Some days are good, and other days are bad. Some people are calm, some are angry, some get emotional. What matters is that you do it in your own time, and not anybody else’s time.”
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Mark first got involved in bereavement ministry after losing two of his own loved ones. In late 2010, his brother-in-law passed away — 12 days later, he lost his sister to cancer. One day, while driving and listening to Catholic radio, he heard an advertisement for a local bereavement workshop. He called the organizers and shared his experience, and they explained to him that the workshop was intended for those wanting to get involved with helping the bereaved, but that he may also be able to get some help from what he learned.
“It was a really good start,” Mark says. “It helped me a lot, and I decided I wanted to start up a bereavement ministry at my own church. I contacted Hospice of the Foothills to see if they could help me get started, and they let me join them for a few of their sessions to get an idea of how it worked. Then I approached our priest at the time and told him what I wanted to do, and he said he had been praying for this, praying for someone to do that.
“I asked two nurses who had dealt with grief to help me out,” he adds. “We started having monthly meetings, and I met individually with people if they wanted to meet more often. We also did things like candle lightings and celebrating All Souls Day. We’re open for anyone experiencing any type of grief — both those who are grieving family and friends and those who have lost beloved pets. I’ve had several people come back and thank me for helping them get through a rough period, and there are people I talk to every few months to see how they are doing. A lot of them have gotten to a place where they don’t need to come to meetings anymore, and they are moving forward and things are going well.”
Since everyone’s grief journey is different, the Bereavement Ministry tries to meet everyone at their own pace. Group sessions involve sharing and discussion, but no one is forced to share or participate. Many find that they prefer to listen before speaking, and Bereavement Ministry meetings are a safe place to do just that. Mark regularly attends bereavement workshops to stay up to date, and he works to ensure that people know a variety of different methods of dealing with grief.
“There are many different ways that we can approach grief,” he says. “What matters is that we find what works for us so that we can move forward. I had a big oak tree fall in my backyard, and it was completely crushed and falling apart. After I removed all the broken wood and pruned it back, it gave it a chance to start growing into something new. It had a good root structure, and after I pruned and guided its growth for a couple of years, it is now back in full production and able to prosper. People are like that — we need to be pruned and guided sometimes, and it’s the same for grief.
“It’s also important to be aware of yourself and to know what times are more difficult for you than others — if you know that, then you can prepare,” he adds. “For example, if you have difficult evenings, it might be helpful to have a designated person to talk to before you go to bed. Our physical health also impacts our mental and emotional health, so I always want to make sure that people are healthy and taking care of themselves. This involves getting good sleep, good nutrition, making sure they are getting out of the house, taking walks, and exercising. I ask people what their hobbies are, and suggest they start getting involved in those again. I also have several book suggestions that might be able to help people through their pain. It can enrich the mind and provide a different point of view.”
As a Catholic, Mark also helps the bereaved to approach their grief through a faith perspective.
“There are so many good readings in the Bible for grief, and I recommend a lot from Psalms, Sirach, Wisdom, and Proverbs,” he says. “A lot of the readings involve images of nature, and I find it helpful sometimes to go outside and find something that reminds you of a verse, and to sit and ponder that. I also suggest doing daily Scripture readings and reflections. There are also times where it’s a good idea to just go and sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament and just open up and talk to God — to say, ‘This is my problem, Lord, how can you help me?’”
