“My
sheep hear my voice. I know them, and they follow me (John 10:27)”
In a world filled with many voices about sex, relationships, and identity, the Catholic understanding of human sexuality is often misunderstood. Sometimes it is reduced to a list of “don’ts,” or seen as outdated or restrictive. However, what the church offers is a beautiful vision of love that leads to holiness, happiness and healthy relationships.
But Father… everyone does it!
I remember a group of young people saying that to me one evening after a discussion on relationships. We had discussed that having sex without being married is not a Catholic or Christian thing to do. They were being honest. For them, this was simply what they saw among friends, relatives and on social media.
Whether it is sex outside of marriage, “living home”, homosexual activity or other expressions of sexuality, many feel that the Church is asking something unrealistic. This raises a deeper question: since when does “everyone does it” determine what is good?
We don’t use that logic elsewhere. Many people lie but truth still matters. Many act unjustly, but justice is still right. In the same way, even if many misunderstand or misuse sexuality, it does not change its meaning. Jesus calls us to something higher: “Be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). This is a reminder that our Christian values do not come from our culture but from Christ. My sheep hear my voice….
In our hookup culture where “everyone does it,” many people quietly carry wounds, confusion, and regret. They often realize after broken relationships that they should have waited.
We all struggle with lust. Lust is self-focused desire and seeks pleasure without the responsibility of love. Lust views others simply as objects and pulls us to take shortcuts to satisfy ourselves. This is not something that affects only a few, it is part of our human condition. The Church does not only give teaching, but also calls us to conversion, growth, and grace.
Before going further, let us summarize the core of the Church’s teaching on sexuality:
1. Every person is called to chastity. This is different from celibacy or abstinence since it includes right sexual intercourse between spouses. It means learning to love rightly, without using others.
2. Sex expresses a total self-gift (All of me loves all of you). It therefore belongs within marriage, where that gift is faithful and lifelong.
1. Sex is both unitive and procreative. This means that it brings persons together in love and is open to new life.
What We Believe
Meet today, sex tomorrow? Sexual love is not something casual or superficial. It is powerful and deeply meaningful. As John Legend sang “All of Me, Loves All of You”. It involves the whole person (body, mind, and spirit) giving of themselves completely to another Because of this depth, the Church teaches that sexual expression belongs within the stable, faithful, lifelong relationship called marriage
Marriage is a covenant and a sacrament, which is a total gift of self between a man and a woman. Within this covenant, sexual love has two inseparable meanings: (1) It is unitive: it expresses and deepens the loving bond between spouses and (2) it is procreative: it is open to the gift of new life. They belong together, like two sides of the same coin.
Why It Matters
If sex is as meaningful as we claim, then it cannot be treated lightly. This is where the virtue of chastity comes in. Chastity is not simply “not having sex.” It is about learning to love rightly, to see others not as objects to be used, but as persons to be cherished. Simply put, love gives, but lust uses. “Love is patient, love is kind… it does not seek its own.” (1 Corinthians 13:4–5).
Every person is called to chastity Married couples live it through faithful, life-giving. Single persons live it through self-control and openness to God’s plan. Those with different experiences of attraction are called to a life self-control, friendship, and holiness. The Church walks with all who are striving, knowing that this journey is not always easy since we live in a culture that often separates sex from commitment, and desire from responsibility
Living Sexual Lives as Catholics
Within the Catholic vision, we can see why some expressions of sexuality such as masturbation, pornography, or sexual relationships outside of marriage,
fall short of the full meaning of love because they do not fully express that total self-gift or openness to life.
What to do about lust? The movies, music, books and company we keep can indulge our lust or strengthen our virtue (chastity). If we focus on movies that portray nudity constantly then our minds are trained to see others simply as objects. Christian spirituality speaks of the “custody of the senses”. Redirecting our desires towards friendships, exercise, sports, hard work, prayer, hobbies, studies or good books helps us to mute the voice and vice of lust.
Growth in chastity is a journey It involves struggle, patience, and grace. None of us lives this perfectly All of us are learning. Through prayer, the sacraments, and the grace of God, we are slowly formed into people capable of real love.
In Conclusion
Those who are dating and find that they have an intense desire to take the relationship to the next level (i.e. marriage), the question to ask is do you love each other and want to give yourselves completely to each other forever? What a beautiful thing it is to raise children with the person you love for life. To want a person simply for a night or a day is to be in lust not love The Catholic vision of sexuality is demanding, but it is also deeply hopeful and beautiful. May we strive to live it with God’s grace.