Catártica: May'21

May 2021

No. 2

Vol. 5

Bourgeois, L. (1999) Maman

Catharsis can be understood as a process of purificación and emotional, mental, and spiritual freedom. Its origins are attributed to Greece, where Aristotle made use of the word to explain the sensation of the souls being cleaned after watching the Greek tragedies.

The cathartic method is the one used to elevate the emotion and beyond that, the liberation of it. It is curious to think about artworks as part of the cathartic method. Who hasn't cried, shivered, been angry at an artwork? Catártica is born as a project to explore, experiment, discover at the maximum, our capacity to feel through art.

We are a group of students of different disciplines with the ambition of carrying art to anyone who needs it. With the desperation of making us understand and heard in this world with so much noise, Catártica allows us to have a voice behind tinted letters, having speeches that although they are monologues, open the dialogue in the student’s community and field professionals, and especially reach everyone who ignores, wants to know and feels ready to read voices with contrasting opinions. In a nutshell, Catártica is our tool to make us understand and communicate our sensible and affective relationship with our world.

Akelarre

¡Madres!

Congratulations &

Thank you

14. Mayo. La vida cuesta

_Wallets

Otras Mujeres

I want to be shadow with

you

Dientes de Leche

I do (not) want to

be a mother

Women, connected to the earth and its energy. They have the power to influence people, animals, plants, or situations. Knowledge in herbalism is part of their arsenal of skills. And they are often associated with the obsession of getting an heir to hand down their knowledge. I'm not talking about mothers, but their counterpart: witches. On this occasion, Catártica commemorates women who did not limit themselves to a reproductive function to leave a mark on the world.

Between 1797 and 1798, the Aragonese Francisco de Goya painted a series of pictures at the request of the Dukes of Osuna: witches' affairs. El Aquelarre is a scene that places us in the cold night illuminated by the moon. A large dark goat is the center of a group of women with wrinkled faces orbiting around it. There is no doubt that the composition is balanced, still, their facial expression is disconcerting. The old women on the right hold two infant bodies and hands indicate that they are handing them over, but the suffering expression on their face makes us doubt whether they are happy with the transaction. The ambiguity with which Goya portrays the witches is Ficha técnica de El aquelarre Francisco de Goya Fecha: 1797–1798 Técnica: Óleo sobre lienzo

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possibly due to the influence of his friend, the writer Leandro Fernández de Moratín, who at the end of the 18th century criticized the trial of the witches of Zugarramurdi. El Aquelarre evokes the description of a specific case of Zugarramurdi in which two sisters María Presona and María Joanatokilled their children "to please the devil" who gratefully received the offer.

Akelarre (2020) by Pablo Agüero is a fictional story set in the Basque Country in the early 17th century.

The director comments that the research project was based on the book La Bruja (1862) by French historian Jules Michelet, which exalts this female figure as a woman who does not conform to the conventions of the time and is persecuted by the political and religious powers. As its name suggests, Akelarre focuses on a group of women accused of calling demons with songs and dances in a village where the men are absent for long periods because they

spend months working at sea.

Realizing that the inquisitors have sentenced them as witches even before putting them on trial, the girls decide to take on the role to buy themselves time until the full moon, the signal for the return of the mariners.

The moment Ana (Amaia Aberasturi) assumes the attributes of a witch the inquisitors are intoxicated by her movements, looks, and chants. Akelarre portrays women who create a bond to survive, celebrates their intelligence, and highlights the foolish males who condemn themselves with their assumptions.

Beyond questioning the existence of witches, Pablo Agüero's film invites us to reflect on the behaviors that we qualify as evil on women, such as rebelliousness, hunger for knowledge, or the determination to make their own decisions. The fire of the so-called witches has not been extinguished.

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SERDAM

Madres: Person who gives life. ¡Madres!: Expression of surprise as something incredible happens.

It was not long ago that motherhood was a goal for a lot of us. Having life in our belly and arms was the end of our existence.

A purpose that sometimes is a desire, and another bunch is instilled in. The value of a woman has been strongly related to the ability of being a mother. Cruel and confused stares are fired when we decide not to be. In artistic manifestation, the mother has been a figure of undeniable recognition and identification, a recurring archetype.

The reflection about maternity and the value given to a woman due to the procreation she is capable of doing is overlooked. Let’s take a moment to think about it.

In this time to think, I would really appreciate it if you could grab your computer and search on Youtube “VTS 01 1”. No, it is not a code to hack your systems. You are now watching a performance by Maris Bustamante and Mónica Mayer in 1987, during a television show with Guillermo Ochoa. Madre por un día - Mother for a day- (1987) was part of a project called ¡Madres! by Polvo de Gallina Negra, a feminist group developed by Maris and Mónica. I would love it if you could hear from minute 2:24 to minute 5:55, where you will see really interesting attitudes that, as a personal opinión, gave me a rash. I would like to quote some of the comments by Guillermo Ochoa.

Talking about Maris’ pregnancy and now asking Monica “And you, you don’t have children?"

“Yes I do, I have a five year old boy and a two year old girl” Both talk about their pregnancy as part of a method of investigation, scientific and artistic manifestation, part of a great project that demonstrates the true experience of motherhood. Ditch the manmade maternity artwork, I have seen very few pregnant men. Same comment that Ochoa himself says on television "I am great at maternity."

Now, the performance continues to give Mr. Ochoa the honor of being a mother for a day, to which he responds with a bit of sarcasm, shame and even a certain tinge of humiliation. Is it humiliating to cover your belly full of life with an apron, Mr. Ochoa?

Her performance ends up being a coronation to the pregnancy.

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Pregnancy, which I have not experienced in any of its aspects other than as a friend, is a life-generating process, which implies a million responsibilities, pains, anguishes, discomforts. Pregnancy, a process that gives a woman a crown and a new shine. Is it really?

Who grants it? A man who has never been pregnant, but while using a fake styrofoam belly feels humiliated and even offended?

What if I don't want to be a mother?

WHAT IF I CAN'T BE A MOTHER? I hope I made myself clear, being a mother must be a conviction, a decision that will have implications from now on. Let us remember that there are mothers without being mothers, and there are mothers with very little mother*, let us remember that we are queens with or without a belly.

Oh, by the way, the mothers with a lot of mother* who performed the act with Guillermo Ochoa confirm that it was a success, since 9 months after the television event, someone called the TV Host to ask if it had been a boy or a girl.

Link to video "Madres por un día" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abaDXr3HKck

*Very little mother- Poca madre: A rude, not nice person. *A lot of mother- mucha madre: A cool, nice person.

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Congratulations & Thank you

This month in Catártica was intended to be dedicated to non-motherhood in this very sacred time for mothers.

Beyond thinking about non-maternity, I wanted to think about all the mothers I have, and to be grateful, as - I think - I have never been, especially with those who are not my mother. I understand motherhood as the quality and opportunity of being a mother, but nothing more? Of the list of gratitude that I will elaborate below, not all are mothers. None of them is my mother.

But they planted me, cared for me, watered me, cut off twigs and roots, harvested, as if they had been.

My grandmother Mercedes García Villegas de Nachón planted a seed of courage in me as no one has ever done.

A woman who marked a path not only in my life, but in the lives of all who were in her presence. She taught me not to complain about the life I have had, and on the contrary to raise my head and absorb the rays of the sun and to learn how to shine. Thank you granny, for absorbing my tummy ache and taking it with you. My grandmother Doña Anita García Nuñez, who in her 91 years of life has let me sail in a small boat - so small so small that I could hardly sail- without ever raising her voice at me because she understood that her place in my life is a warm shelter where I can take refuge every time I want to return from the high seas, forever.

Since I was born, Gabriela my sister has had the fascination of acting like my mother, even posing as her in amusement parks and movie theaters. As soon as I reached her height and I stopped wearing braces she stopped being a second mother to become my sister. But she never gave up her nonmotherhood for me. She continues to wipe my nose when it is too swollen from crying. My godmothers Luli, Meche and Anabel. Like fairy godmothers, they have fulfilled my every wish and whim, hugging me when my mother's arms have remained far away, when dengue has left me with sore eyes and a dry throat.

My D-100 roommates and my many other friends who adopted me in an unfamiliar city. I remember September 8, 2017, when I dropped boiling wax on my skin, pain and shock took away my voice and consciousness. They wiped my tears, my nose, my blood and wax.

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They changed my clothes and like very few people, they saw me naked without caring for anything more than taking care of the skin that continued to bubble under the heat. They were the ones who learned from my brother, scolding me every time I made a fool of myself to avoid eating, they made an effort to make me breakfast in the morning with a hangover and remind me that I had to get out of my room - and my mind - yelling, every time I locked my doors.

My Professor Lázara Guadalupe, who always had a bright and warm soul with each person who has sat at her desk. For understanding and reading eyes beyond colors and composition. Professor Laurence, thank you for that one wake-up call that shook the floor and made me take the wheel, beyond that, I appreciate your attention and the constant reminder of questioning what I know and do not know. Professor María Claudia, thank you for connecting with me in a friendly and simple way, for asking beyond the class and worrying about each one of us, for knowing that Xalapa and Coatepec are great towns with an excellent climate.

Thanks to those who have been my nonmothers, because they have made me understand that my mother's arms do not cross roads or travel continents, but they extend with people like you, who shelter me, scold me and understand me.

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En la vida nos pensamos que la gloria es el dinero pero nos equivocamos: nuestra gente es lo primero.

Kiko Veneno The start of the pandemic found me at my (now) ex-girlfriend's house. Innocent, like everyone else, thinking of going back to school in a few days and meanwhile together, in the heat of her apartment, from here to there, like tourists in a town where we paid rent. And the days passed and the pandemic knocked on the door, and rather than leaving, she sat on the stairs waiting to be received.

I recently started working with José Juan. The idea is to carry Alamo Caskets as far as possible and as soon as the wind blows. It's going to take years, we know, although he may not like to believe it. And in the end it does not matter, things are not as they are but as one sees them. Maybe one day I will start my own company; for now, I am earning enough to (maybe) buy a Chevy, have surgery so I can breathe well and pay off a debt that has years of a failed business.

There were failures from the beginning. There is a story that I really like to tell: if you put a frog in

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a saucepan with boiling water, it will jump as soon as it feels the heat. But if the water is cold and you are heating it, by the time the frog realizes that it is burning it will no longer be able to get out.

Unintentionally wanting so many things happened. I lived of Pao for many months of a pandemic, and as if nothing had happened. She understood. She loved me so much that she gave everything. She wanted me so much that she gave herself. I said that one of those days I was going to find a job and take her out. The least that can be expected. But just like the end of the pandemic, that day never came.

Now I am alone. I fell off the cliff; I went from living with my girlfriend to living with my parents. There is not much to explain: it is not the same. There are no fights, but neither entire days of watching series in bed. You don't have to worry about money, but you don't feel the pleasure of taking care of someone either. Anyway. Now I am here, so close to my past and so far from the life that I met a year ago.

I guess people come to you for a reason. I can't be sure, and sometimes I don't understand how the same intuition that makes you say yes at the beginning makes you say "no more" at the end. I guess being together changed us, although if I'm honest, it helped me to know what I don't want in another relationship. We went through a lot. The endless problems with my sister, the day someone broke into her house, the weeks we spent in mine, moving to another place and playing house. If there is one thing I reproach myself for all those months, it is not having been honest before when it stopped feeling good. As I said, I guess things happen for a reason.

But I don't know why either. Steve Jobs said that you have to live and at some point the dots connect backwards. It also makes sense to me to think that every place is here and every moment is now, that is, that the future is an illusion and it always comes too soon. Meanwhile I try to live a little and appreciate where I stand.

Getting down to earth took months. I remember who I was a year ago; One of the first things I talked to Pao about was getting out of school. She disagreed with me; maybe because one learns the hard way to acclimatize. The truth is that the school was never what I expected, especially now that it is mediated by screens. Pao said: if you're going to go out, just do it. I preached to half the world that I wanted to quit school and that day never came. And it will not come.

At the end of this I learned that sometimes you have to settle and sometimes you don't. Yes, because the pandemic put us all in places where we do not think we would be, good or bad, inside or outside of ourselves. And at first it seemed like a joke that we all laughed at but then it left us with no choice but to say: this is what it is. And why not. That we have to pay attention to that which beats in us, that knows who we are, what we want and what we can.

Following your intuition is perhaps one of the most difficult things to learn, but once you do it, it is like parachuting.

Or so they told me.

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__Wallets is a performance that has been going on over the last 3 years in order to take an unconventional look at the concept of identity through personal curiosities within an article of daily use: the wallet.

Usually the viewer hopes to find things in common, things that we all carry in our wallets: money, cards, credentials, but going further, it is also true that there is almost always something that differentiates one wallet from the other, or in this case, one individual from another.

These objects regularly have some kind of sentimental charge that is usually translated into a story and that reveals something very particular about the owner.

Name, age and location of the portfolio are added to each delivery to round out the construction of the identity.

The call to participate in the performance is currently open

Luis, 26. Puebla.

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Olga, 20. Londres.

Ana, 20. Londres.

Natalia, 22. Ciudad Victoria.

CONTACTO: @_wallets @wizgrana2

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"Since 2014, I have been able to portray and interview in depth 19 women from different backgrounds: Argentina, Chile, Brazil, Mexico, Spain, the United States, France and Poland. This visual project is linked to otherness or alterity.

The right to be different, to be another. In this sense, it is to speak and show that there are women who wish not to be mothers. It is a construction of the "no" to the dominant vision. It seeks not to fall into the stereotype of the mother and non-mother, avoid thinking or believing that there is a dichotomous polarization. (...) The important thing is thatmaternity or nonmaternity are chosen units. I believe that we must fight to demolish the stereotypes and social mandates of how a woman should be."

Deyanira Since I was a child I was very independent. I left my town when I was 14 years old. I lived away from my family to build a different future. I can say that my spirit was libertarian and was never tied to circumstances or places. My decision not to be a mother was a process that came naturally, but socially it was difficult. For how my generation was educated, having decided it meant being more singled out by other women. Motherhood was a topic that was not even questioned, it was thought to be a kind of "natural order" and not a free decision.

Photo: Judith Romero Deyanira Playa Aguachil, Ixhuatán, Oaxaca, México, 2017 Serie: “Otras Mujeres. La decisión de no tener hijos”

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Gisela I know that my decision has a political impact.

Pregnancy for me is unthinkable, to a certain extent I would say that I reject it and I feel that it would generate madness, I could not live it as something idyllic. I do not want to be tied with the responsibilities of motherhood, I want to take care of other things that give me satisfaction, perhaps that is why they tell me that I am self-centered.

When you have children there is a relationship with death that relieves you, because somehow you want to die before your children. But on the other hand, that anguish, which I now see in my mother, is that you are going to die and you will not be able to be with your children. I would have liked my parents to have had another daughter, another who was functional to their wishes.

Photo: Judith Romero Gisela Buenos Aires, Argentina, 2015 Serie: “Otras Mujeres. La decisión de no tener hijos”

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Claudia We are ten siblings, from the same mother and different father, I am the fifth daughter. My mother had me when she was thirty. Neither of us grew up together, my mom scattered us all over the place. She asked, among the relatives, who was missing someone to help them.

I am the only one of my sisters who does not have children, they also had very hard lives. If I had stayed in Catamarca maybe I would have many childrens, because life is different over there, women are to be scrubbing the floors and taking care of the children, I see it in my sisters and my nieces, who are young, all full of children, with five or six children.

Photo: Judith Romero Claudia Buenos Aires, Argentina, 2015 Serie: “Otras Mujeres. La decisión de no tener hijos”

Emilia The first time the possibility of not being a mother crossed my mind was when I heard Rita Torler speak openly. She was a teacher I had in my undergraduate degree, she told us that from a very young age she had decided not to be a mother and I loved the idea that there was another way, that of not being a mother. I grew up very late, I was very naive, I was about 27 years old and through her I saw the passion I had for her work and the relationship she had with her partner.

Photo: Judith Romero Emilia Desierto de Sonora, México, 2015 Serie: “Otras Mujeres. La decisión de no tener hijos”

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Fabiana I have decided not to have children. I don't know what will come later in my life, what I know is that this decision will accompany me for the rest of my life. I do not need motherhood to say that I am fulfilled. The realization comes from my work of the projects that I carried out. Of what I managed to create to improve the world. Placing a child in the world is not simply getting pregnant.

Pregnancy is the most temporary part of motherhood. I notice that some women of my generation romanticize their relationship with motherhood.

I think that now people are more free to say. However, when you say that you do not want to have children, there are still people who believe that it is because you do not like children, or because you were disappointed with love, or because you have some physical problem that prevents you from having children.

I see that in Brazil people think that having children is something that should happen in their lives, that it is the path that we all must go through. I am weird for these people. I think that anyone who goes outside the norm, who comes out of the circle, will be questioned.

Photo: Judith Romero Fabiana São Paulo, Brasil, 2014 Serie: “Otras Mujeres. La decisión de no tener hijos”

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Lisa I never thought about being a mother. I have no memories of having dreamed or thought of having children, never in my life did I imagine myself pregnant.

It's like a line of thought. It is difficult to define how this decision is reached, it is something so deep within me that it is as if it had always existed.

I have decided not to have children because I think that having a child is the greatest commitment a person can make. It is not that I am afraid of it or that I lack courage, but it is for me a decision totally taken and assumed, and not a cultural mandate. The decision not to have children I do not live as unusual, I live it as something natural.

Photo: Judith Romero Lisa Buenos Aires, Argentina, 2015 Serie: “Otras Mujeres. La decisión de no tener hijos”

Photo: Judith Romero Mariana Tigre, Argentina, 2015 Serie: “Otras Mujeres. La decisión de no tener hijos”

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Mariana I think that here, in Argentina, the issue of lesbianism is more open than in any other country in Latin America. But I feel like in the gay world there is a rush to reenact the heteronorm. For example, talking about gay marriage and adoption is important in legal and juridical terms, in terms of law and of law.

But why endorse a structure that is not necessary?

I met women, with whom I dated, and having children they totally retreated.

They resign and denounce the other way, that of not being mothers, they accuse it as something libertine. You realize that they are mothers, but they are no longer women.

Renata La maternidad no es un constructo homogéneo, hay muchos grupos de madres marginadas y calladas. Las madres lesbianas era el tema del primer texto que escribí en polaco.

Me hice feminista no por moda, sino por mi propia historia. Tengo una postura política firme. Siento que también es un trabajo feminista apoyar a las mujeres jóvenes. Creo que las jóvenes que están cerca de mí [mis estudiantes] pueden verme como una figura materna, pero es otro tipo de maternidad.

Para mí el no tener hijos es la libertad, es hacer lo que me gusta. Soy consciente de lo que implica tener un hijo, de la responsabilidad, de la carga de trabajo, de los riesgos. Uno no puede tener todo en la vida y una mujer menos.

Tienes que elegir.

Foto: Judith Romero Renata Capulálpam, Oaxaca, México, 2015 De la serie: “Otras Mujeres. La decisión de no tener hijos”

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Ronda I think that making a decision like this is not easy. Reaching forty and having decided not to have children... you have to be quite strong to decide. It is quite a process to go through the fertile years.

I grew up on a ranch in the United States, my family is very traditional. We are three siblings, I am the oldest. I grew up Catholic but I don't practice religion.

Here [in Mexico] people are surprised if you say that you are a Catholic gringo.

It bothers me when some colleagues tell me to do certain things at work because "I don't have children." As if not having children was not having commitments and many other things to do. I get a lot of satisfaction from what I do, and I think that by not having children I can pay more attention to the people I love.

Foto: Judith Romero Ronda Oaxaca, México, 2015 De la serie: “Otras Mujeres. La decisión de no tener hijos”

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Natacha When I was twenty I had an abortion, I had the support of my parents. At that age I was still living in their house. It was an oversight and I took responsibility because I believe that a child should be born out of love, but it went all wrong, back then I did have a job and was not stable, and my partner was a failure, there was no future with him. At that age, everyone wants to have fun, enjoy sex, but not pay as high a price as bringing a child into this world. The decision I made was common sense, it was not the time and I knew that I had to terminate the pregnancy. Doing so didn't shock me, either.

I do not feel less of a woman, nor less feminine for not having children, because it seems that because we did not have children the tenderness left us.

There are women to have children and there are women not to have them.

Foto: Judith Romero Natasha Ciudad de México, México, 2017 De la serie: “Otras Mujeres. La decisión de no tener hijos”

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without being your shadow, I want the nights you feel lonely, so you can look at our reflection projected on the wall i want you to listen to me in the halo of light that surrounds your infinite body.

I want to be with you But being different, I want to go to the market on Sundays and bring fresh fruits to our house, I want a sky above me and also three little hounds, some records in the cupboard, so i can sing while making you a tea and pay for 1 more month of happiness, you and me sitting in a tree.

I don't want to leave without needing to make love to you at least 3 times, I want to snuggle in your chest and let me talk about my stupid things.

For about seventy years, But for now Give me this semester at least.

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Immature humor, a very low budget and a talking anteater. These are some things that make up my comedy show on Instagram: Dientes de leche. My sense of humor is something that I have always enjoyed sharing with others. There is nothing like what I feel when I create something that makes someone laugh out loud. During June of last year, I felt a great need to be able to do just this and, at the same time, be able to have fun and manifest my creativity.

After spending years enjoying television icons like The Muppet Show and Monty Python's The Flying Circus, I decided I wanted to create a show that didn't even consider taking things seriously. That's the kind of humor I love: conscientious, sarcastic, and innocent.

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Dientes de Leche is a show that uses this type of humor to create an absurd but extremely funny program. During the past summer, I dedicated myself to recording a great variety of comic segments and sketches that occurred to me, being joined at the end by the host Gustavo Encías and his vermilingual cameraman, Pablo. From a newscast that brings irrelevant news to interviews given by a lazy person, the show offers all kinds of surprises to the audience.

With the idea of creating the show, a question also came up: Where will I upload the episodes? For me, considering the audience I am going to address is one of the most important things. With an innovative idea, I decided that I was going to premiere a new episode every Sunday on Instagram. This made it easy to share with multiple people and loved ones, but mostly, it would have their attention. Anyway, I continued to have fun.

Dientes de Leche, represents a break, a break from all the adverse going on in our lives today. It also means a great opportunity for me to keep creating, keep laughing, keep helping, and all with the perspective that a child would have. After finishing a season, I feel extremely satisfied with the results and determined to go for more. Do not miss the second season that will begin to come out this June 13 on the instagram profile @dientesdelecheofficial. My name is Mauricio Nava and never forget… show those pearls.

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I don't want to be a mother. I do not need to be a mother, however, I want to love a lot of people in many ways: I like them and I believe in the little ones, in their smiles and little eyes: with them I feel that I could do a lot and exploit part of my potential. I want to love the children and adolescents that I see in art workshops in a museum. After all, I am an art historian and curator. This is how I heal myself and project part of my love, part of myself. Towards myself? It comes from the cuore, the kokoro. So I think I do want to be a mother. But the false mother of a lot of children. For 6 years I have been the aunt of my halfbrother's son, but I have never felt like his second mother. Sebastian's second mother. Super Sebastian. He is a charming boy but he rarely comes to my house and I have shown little interest in going to visit him. Now they do not wear a mask, neither he, nor his parents, so it is way more difficult to interact with him. Still, he is he and I love him very much.

I barely became the aunt of the son of the brother of the love of my life, who just a little longer than two months ago died of tongue cancer in a “fight” (he did not appreciate that people used that term) of ten months. I'm aunt again, now a bit more fragmented than before, but with more boards to heal. At least that's what my therapist told me and I really believe it and I want to believe.

Today I felt good. Two weeks ago I found out that my brother-in-law is already a dad. But in between, for a month and a half, everything has been a roller coaster.

The boy Rafael gives me great hope of being the cool aunt, not just the "second mother-aunt".

Too bad he lives in Guadalajara. Too bad for now, I say. I wrote him a letter welcoming him to the world, opening myself a little, telling him that he has a wonderful uncle, and that I will tell him about him when he grows up. feel like Twilight, I printed myself without even having met him in person (hahaha). But he looks beautiful in the photograph.

And without a doubt I long for a stronger relationship with him. If in general Manolo's family (my boyfriend) already has a place in my heart for my whole life (because there’s a part of Manolo in them and a part of Manolo in me), how can I not feel that an extension of Manolo is in Rafael ?

I will be the mother of my nephews and children.

However, I also want to be the mother of old people.

Since I was a teen, I have lived with people who are much older than me: I am the last granddaughter-niece of a family of 28 cousins and ten uncles and aunts. My grandparents were born in 1918, I was born in 1996.

My grandparents passed away when I was five and eight years old respectively. My uncles are the oldest and there are six of them: the oldest is 81 and the youngest is 71, whom I see and love the most: I have a lot of confidence in him. There are three of my aunts: The oldest must be sixty-nine or seventy around; the one that follows sixty-seven, more or less (then my mother with sixty-four) and finally my aunt, who just died in January of this year from COVID who was sixty-two years old. My cousins are in their fifties and thirties.

My older brother is 29 years old and I am 24. Sure, I also have nephews, children of my cousins, but I have always lived more with my cousins and uncles than with my nephews-children of cousins. Therefore, I have been a jovial lady since approximately 2013. And I like it, although there was a time when it overwhelmed me a lot. I was embarrassed. Obviously, I also have friends my age, in their twenties and thirties, and I can be with everyone without problem. That is why I also want to be the mother of some elderly people.

But I also want to be a mother to myself. Why not? I want to be able to become capable of loving myself seriously as my mother has. But don't overprotect myself. But not distrusting me. But not yelling at me in a coercive way. But not preventing me. I do want to reprimand myself (without punishment) and question myself when necessary, when I have done something that has hurt others and when I have many doubts in my head. I want to challenge myself and push myself. I want to accept myself as I am and maintain a dialogue with me without attacking myself. I want to think positive and lift my head. I want to take responsibility and not blame. I want to be humble and proud at the same time. I want to acknowledge my mistakes and apologize when I screwed up. I want to achieve my goals, because I know that I can achieve them. I want to not apologize for everything. I want to accept my emotions, feelings and thoughts as they are and that that is not a problem for me or for anyone, because they are and because I am: just channeling them and channeling myself. I want a quiet and fun life. Yes I want to let it be. I do want to set myself free and let myself feel. I do want to try to be happy every day of life.

I want to be the mother of them and me, however they come and wherever they are. Out there it is said that then she would like to be the mother of what society sometimes discards: Of joy, imagination, naivety and the will to live; as well as experience, wisdom, and preparation for the afterlife.

I don't want to be a mother to anyone else.

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