4 minute read
Why is no one talking about the post-stress
By Fiona Kearns WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THE POST-STRESS ‘LET-DOWN EFFECT’?
Have you heard of the post-stress ‘let-down effect’? No, I don’t mean the way you feel when you find out your spouse/partner won’t be home from exercise on the expected date. I’m talking about when you get sick on your holidays after working really hard or when a killer migraine floors you after a crazy week at work. These aren’t coincidences; this is the let-down effect in action.
Being part of a military family means lots of opportunity for excitement and challenge. At times, it might feel like you have to do it all by yourself. Add in kids, pets, life… and it can feel like a very heavy weight on your shoulders. Doing all of that alongside a career can be a very tall order and military precision is a requirement just to get by. Sometimes, you might feel like you’re failing everyone as you try to do it all. You don’t want to let the side down but that often means letting yourself down. Too often the challenges you face are diminished because you’ve been through it before or others have it worse, but that’s really not the way forward. Holding space for yourself and acknowledging that you’re entitled to time for yourself helps you cope with challenges much better. IT CATCHES YOU COMPLETELY OFF GUARD
The let-down effect often sneaks up right after you’ve done a wealth of work. You think you’re over the worst of it and then, BAM! You crash. It can be the reason you never get to do the things you really want to do. You give your all to others but, somehow, your own stuff never gets done. Sound familiar? Working with women who are burnt out or dealing with huge responsibilities, I’ve seen this happen a lot! It scuppers your plans whether that’s doing something fun, going for a promotion, or setting up your own business.
IS THIS YOU?
In the run-up to annual leave, you cram in as much as possible so it’s all in order while you’re away. You dread coming back to carnage, so you cover off all the tasks that may occur while you’re gone. You work until the last minute in a massive effort to leave things ship-shape! Newsflash: you will still come back to a crazy number of emails and you will still have some cleaning up to do when you return!
YOUR CONFIDENCE TUMBLES
Despite doing your absolute best, the let-down effect stops you doing your own thing. You have no capacity for extras, only the everyday basics. You beat yourself up for not being able to follow through and you question whether you’ve got what it takes to reach your goals. Then, you recover and get back on the wheel, prioritising others, but now your goals are even further away. You wonder where that ambitious, fun-loving person went – they’re still there but fading until you take action to manage it.
HOW TO MANAGE THE LET-DOWN EFFECT?
The good news is there are concrete steps you can take to protect yourself from this cycle. Here are 5 practical suggestions to manage this stress cycle.
1. Wind down gradually Set a fake deadline before the real one. I recommend treating the day before as your aim so that your real last day isn’t manic. It’s much better if you plan it out in a more measured way.
2. Plan to fill the gap Do a handover to a colleague, covering the most critical issues, and communicate the holiday contact to clients/suppliers etc. If it’s your own business, a VA could help or you could set your email and voicemail to an automated reply telling clients when you’ll be back and, if appropriate, how to contact you if it’s urgent.
3. Prioritise If you have lots of tasks and projects in progress, don’t try to squeeze everything you haven’t managed to do in the past 6 months into the week before your holiday – you’re setting yourself up for failure. Prioritise the critical ones and do those.
4. Don’t put everything else on hold While its tempting to focus exclusively on ticking off everything on the list, you still need to find time to exercise, have good quality sleep, and take some breaks. You’re smart so you ‘know’ these things but are you doing them? 5. Eat, drink, and be well Are you drinking enough water and eating properly? Eating unhealthy foods and drinking alcohol to relax after a tough day won’t help you here. You don’t have to be an angel; just be mindful of what you’re doing. Also, I like to up the vitamins with a supplement to give myself a boost.
In modern military family life, the let-down effect is something we’re all likely to experience at some point. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Making a few small changes can help reduce the stress that comes before a holiday, helping you feel more relaxed and better able to enjoy the time off with your family.
About the author Fiona Kearns, Certified Business Psychologist Kearns Consultancy Confident and Powerful Leadership Presence
