Get ahead with

By Sara Smalley GET AHEAD WITH PLANNING LIFE BEYOND THE MILITARY: AN EXERCISE FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

Getting ready to leave the military can have a knock-on effect on everyone involved and it can be a mixed-up, emotional old time. You may have a sense of worry over “What if?” but also one of excitement and opportunity over “What next?”

Worried, happy, excited, sad, nervous, delighted – if you or your partner are at the stage of transitioning from military life, how many of these emotions can you relate to?

Most service leavers, spouses, partners, and veterans are very aware of the practical steps that need to be taken – things like finding a job, somewhere to live, and potentially a new school for the children. They know exactly what needs to be ticked off the list, but they’re not sure where to start.

Yet, it is rare for people to think about how they feel about all the potential options and different outcomes available to them. Whilst it can be an unsettling time, these emotions are important. Emotions can act as a guide to how we are feeling and how our minds are responding to what we’re going through. Emotions are information, a type of data if you like, and they can help us work out what is important to us when it comes to making decisions. They can help us focus on where to start first.

If you were to fast forward your life to a time when your association with the military is not as strong, what would life look like for you?

Imagine if you made time to think about this, if you were able to throw down all your thoughts and ideas for this next stage of life onto a huge piece of paper – get it all out there.

This is exactly the exercise I encourage people to do. Long before your end-of-service life is on the horizon, before the pressure of thinking, “Where is my next pay cheque going to come from?”, I encourage you to sit down with your family and start picturing what life will look like beyond the military. This gives everyone involved a chance to share their thoughts and it can bring up some significant results.

Try this exercise… • Take an enormous piece of paper (a roll of wallpaper lining can work well here) and lay it out on the table or floor.

• Give everyone a pen and ask them to start scribbling down their thoughts and ideas about the change you’re considering.

• Think about these questions: - What’s important to you in the next stage of your life? - What’s your priority? - What are you looking forward to/not looking forward to? - Where would you love to live? - What are you interested in? - What do you enjoy about your current work? - If you could write down your ideal work day, what would it look like?

Writing everything down can help you work out what is most important to you. This exercise also brings out how people feel about the different elements of their life and how they may be affected by this change. It is also a way of starting to highlight what the main priorities are for you and your family.

When people try this exercise, they often feel an immediate sense of relief because they are no longer ‘carrying around’ all these thoughts and considerations in their minds. Writing it all down helps lighten the mental load! And this activity gets people talking.

Sometimes, dealing with the pressure and stress that come with these big life changes becomes easier when we start to share our hopes and concerns that surround them, rather than trying to guess what is going on in the heads of our family or those who we care about.

So, with everything out on the table, and a better understanding of what’s important to those involved, you can begin to write a list of your priorities for planning the next phase of your life.

For example, if you decide the number one priority for you and your family is to live in the north-east of England, then this could direct the location of the jobs you’re looking for, how you will build your network, where you will look for accommodation, etc. If there is a part of your life that is particularly important to you, or a part you want to stay the same, then this might become the priority.

There can sometimes be competing priorities and you will need to consider what compromises you need to make. But when you start to prioritise what you need from this next move, you can start to work out what steps you need to take and in what order they need to happen.

Once you know this, you can start writing an action plan. It may not all be straight-forward, and you may need to go back to the planning stage on occasions, to reconsider your priorities, but the next steps will eventually become clearer.

With a clear idea of what you need to consider, what elements are more or less important to the different members of your family or partnership, and open conversations about how you are all feeling about the different parts of this next step, you’ll be able to plan and carry-out this next step much more clearly and calmly, which will result in an outcome where everyone concerned is more likely to feel satisfied and settled.

About the author Sara Smalley, Career and Leadership Coach

sara@sarasmalley.com www.sarasmalley.com Sara-Smalley-Coaching-Consultancy-112559017600376 sarasmalley.coaching sarasmalleycoaching