Simpler Times

POSSUM PEARLS

By Charles D. Williams, M.D., FACR, FAAP (“Pedro”)

Humor back in Simpler Times wudn’t so sophisticated as now and reflected a simpler uncomplicated way of life. Country folks would poke fun at each other and themselves. So often they would play word games (shooting the bull) in order to make hard times more tolerable and to keep their spirits up. Dillard, Millard and Willard often did this during their share-cropper years and they did survive.

Willard dropped by to pick Pedro up and they headed over to Dillard’s to go to the gospel sang. Upon arrival at Dillard’s, Dillard said he wasn’t feeling too well and he thought his blood pressure might be up. He said upon getting out of bed this morning he saw red and green spots. Willard then asked, “Did you see a doctor?” Dillard replied, “No, just them red and green spots.”

Dillard, Willard and Pedro decided to go on to the gospel sang anyhow. The gospel sang was being held outside on a hill near Crosland between Moultrie and Tifton. Some people were sitting on the ground on quilts, others were sitting in folding chairs, and others were leaning against their cars. Upon arrival Willard pointed out to Pedro and Dillard how friendly everybody was and that they were waving at us. As we got closer Dillard remarked, “They’re not waving, they’re fanning gnats.” It was truly hot and the gnats were aggravating. We got up real close so we could see the sangers real good and they cut loose on an old time favorite called, “Where the Soul of Man Never Dies.” The lead sanger had come all the way over from Pavo. He rared his head back, started the second verse with the mandolin in the background and suddenly and abruptly stopped and said, "Excuse me, I swallowed a gnat.” He then went over and drank a dipper full of water and came back and started the second verse all over again. Dillard then turned to Willard and said, “I swallowed a gnat too, but I decided to let mine walk down. That’s why I have a pot-belly from swallowing too many of those thangs.”

Mama said that gnats wuz what keeps them Yankees out of Colquitt County. Reckin that’s so. ‘Cause it seems to be working-at least for the past 127 years. It goes to show you that if we look hard enough we can find some good in all God’s little creatures.

Later the sangers took a break and people started wanderin’ around to get away from those gnats and lookin’ for a shade tree. Millard had gotten there ‘bout that time and saw Clyde and struck up a conversation. Millard told Clyde that he had gotten a dog for his wife. Clyde responded, “I can’t get anything for my wife so I’m going to keep her.” Clyde also told Millard that the doctor didn’t like the way his wife looked and Clyde said that he wuzn’t too crazy about her looks either but she was down right good to him and the kids.

Somebody had set up a wash pot filled with lard and selling mullet that had come all the way over from St. Marks. Dillard, Millard, Willard and Pedro headed over to the mullet pots before the crowds built up. Millard started talking about unusual foods and mentioned that he had some snails in France during World War II. Dillard said that he would like to try some snails but in Colquitt County they couldn’t catch’em.

They kept runnin’ their mouths off about food and Willard said that he had a friend over in Daugherty County near the county line that liked seven course meals. Dillard wanted to know what that wuz. Willard replied, “A six pack of beer and a plate full of possum.” Dillard said, “Moultrie don’t have beer and that wuz too far to go for a seven course meal.” Millard then said, “I don’t even like beer. Reckon I won’t ever have a seven course meal.”

Millard continued talkin’ ‘bout possum and pointed out that the only way in the South to have possum is with a sweet tater. You need need to be careful ‘cause even after he is dead, he can still git away ‘cause all he wuz doin’ wuz playing possum.

About dark just about everybody had their fill of gospel sanging, fried mullet, tall tales and gnats and began heading home. They all felt better runnin’ their mouths, had their fun and ready to go back to choppin’ the fields.

Reprinted with author permission from Simpler Times.

Dr. Williams’ sequel book, More Simpler Times, can be purchased from the Capital Medical Society. All proceeds from the book are donated to the Capital Medical Society Foundation’s We Care Network program. The total sales from his books have raised over $40,000 for the CMS Foundation’s We Care Network.