Community vol 4 issue 2 (mar april 2016)

VOL 4 ISSUE 2 | IN THIS ISSUE: A PUBLICATION OF THE

MAR/APR 2016

WE ARE MORE THAN HOW WE DRESS | STOP POLICING MY GENDER | KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF commUNITY MAR-APR 2016

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PrIdE 6/11/16

RaLlY & rEvEl

Register Today REGISTRATION IS NOW OPEN FOR THE LARGEST PRIDE IN UPSTATE NEW YORK OVER 35,000 ATTENDEES IN 2015!

PARADE FESTIVAL VENDORS + PRIDE GUIDE ADVERTISING (ad deadline - April 1st)

Capital PRIDE Registration Deadline - June 1, 2016

Download the Registration www.capitalpridecenter.org/pride Capital pride 2016 - June 11 - lark St / WaShington park

QueStionS? ContaCt Steven @ (518)462-6138 / SMinChin@CapitalprideCenter.org 2 |

Capital PRIDE is produced by the Pride Center of the Capital Region

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*

used with permission

used with permission

commUNITY MAR-APR 2016

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CONTENTS

MARCH / APRIL 2016 VOL 4 ISSUE 2

Features

Columns

News, information, and updates

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9 Sex Ed Corner

6 L etters from the Publisher and Co-Editor

The Femininity Double Standard

BY LYNDON CUDLITZ

10 Ask the Lawyer

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Village Elders

13 To Be a Blessing

17 We Are More Than How We Dress BY ALEXANDRA ELEAZAR

BY AUDREY SEIDMAN

18 Trans View

BY MOONHAWK RIVER STONE

15 Being a GOOD Gender Therapist BY ARLENE ISTAR LEV

34 Weekly Events Calendar

BY GERI POMERANTZ

25 Ask Mark Your Tax Questions

BY MARK WITECKI

35 Special Events Calendar 35 Affiliates Calendar 36 CommUNITY Calendar 37 Advertisers Index 37 Pride Center Programs

26 Out in the Garden

17 Guidelines in Seeking a Therapist

BY JUDITH FETTERLEY

Stonewall Veteran and ”mama bear”,Stormé

29 The Fashionable and the Frivolous

BY ALAN BENNET ILAGAN

21 S top Policing My Gender BY DEIDRE DUMPSON 14 Keep Your Hands to Yourself BY LAUREN SIMONE

31 Here’s Guffman

BY PATRICK WHITE

33 Michael Cooks and You Can Too

BY MICHAEL MEAD

Stonewall, as quoted in Village Elders (Penny Coleman,University of Illinois Press, 2000)

pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

PHOTO CREDITS Cover & Opposite Page: © Penny Coleman Page 7: © Penny Coleman

“ I used to say, ‘Don’t let the clothes fool you. Under the clothes, it’s the female side of me that’s a holy terror.

Under here is a stone cold woman who’s been fighting her way through half the universe since the day she was born ” — STORMÉ, who threw the 1st punch at

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ON THE COVER

ABOUT COMMUNITY MAGAZINE CommUNITY Magazine is published bi-monthly by the Pride Center of the Capital Region, 332 Hudson Avenue, Albany NY 12210. Telephone (518) 462-6138.

Entire contents © 2016 Capital District Gay & Lesbian Community Council d/b/a Pride Center of the Capital Region. Reproductions in whole or in part without express permission of the publisher are strictly prohibited.

CommUNITY Magazine welcomes submissions of articles & artwork of interest to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people in the Capital Region. Editorial and advertising deadline is the 5th of each month. Written work should be submitted electronically with author’s name and phone number to mweidrich@capitalpridecenter.org Opinions expressed in CommUNITY Magazine are those of the authors and are not necessarily those of the Pride Center of the Capital Region, its Board, Staff or Volunteers.

Letters to the Publisher may be sent to Michael Weidrich at mweidrich@capitalpridecenter.org. Letters must be 100 words or less and must include contact information (name, phone, email). To receive home delivery of CommUNITY please send your address to sminchin@capitalpridecenter.org or mail your request to 332 Hudson Ave, Albany, NY 12210

PENNY COLEMAN

VILLAGE ELDERS

Village Elders captures the faces and memories of LGBTQ seniors whose lives spanned the 20th century in New York City. These heroes and heroines lived richly revolutionary lives that altered the political and social landscape. They have much to teach, not just about a community’s resilient response to discrimination and the pain of living secret lives, but about the complexities of gender, the richness of age, and the rapidity of change.

Clockwise from Top Left:: Erenece & Caroline, Jerre, Hal & John, Blackie.

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LETTER FROM THE publisher BOARD OF DIRECTORS:

Patricia K. Wood, PRESIDENT Joseph Kerwin, VICE PRESIDENT Paul Patel, 2ND VICE PRESIDENT Jeffrey Dyber, TREASURER Gretchel Hathaway, Ph.D, SECRETARY Joseph Bailey Timothy Beebe John Daniels Vincent Lanzone Angela D. Ledford, Ph.D Tiffany Ramos Linda Richardson, Ph.D IMMEDIATE PAST PRESIDENT:

Kenneth P. Mortensen, Jr. PRIDE CENTER STAFF:

Lyndon Cudlitz

TRAINING AND EDUCATION MANAGER

Deidre Dumpson

STREET OUTREACH WORKER

Alyssa Hackett PROGRAMS SUPERVISOR

Jeremy Hollon

PROGRAM ASSISTANT AND VOLUNTEER COORDINATOR

Luke Lavera

EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT

Steven Minchin

COMMUNICATIONS & SPECIAL PROJECTS SUPERVISOR

Oliver Peters

OPERATIONS COORDINATOR

James Shultis

YOUTH PROGRAM MANAGER

Lauren Simone PROGRAMS SUPERVISOR

Mark Vogel DEVELOPMENT & MARKETING MANAGER

Michael Weidrich EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR & CEO

INTERNS:

Paola Sposito, Yi Zhou, Lauren Ennis, Justine Pascual, Taylor Nazon OUR MISSION

The mission of the Pride Center of the Capital Region is to promote the wellbeing of all lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer identified people and those affected by discrimination based on gender identity and expression.

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pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

Spring is here and we’re getting ready for some amazing events! From our Annual Meeting & Donor Reception on March 9th, to our Center Youth Celebration & Scholarship Reception on April 20th, to our NEW & IMPROVED Gay Soiree now called REVEL Pride Dance on May 15th, leading up to our annual Capital PRIDE Festival & March on June 11th. And that’s only the first half of the year! So prepare to come out and celebrate with the Pride Center for another fantastic year!

Be well and be empowered!

Michael Weidrich Executive Director & CEO

LETTER FROM THE co-editor

My relationships to sexism, misogyny, and transmisogyny have been complex.

My experiences are shaped by having been assigned female at birth, expressing my gender in fluid ways throughout my adolescence, coming out as trans and genderqueer at 18, and identifying as a Femme.

On a daily basis I have to reconcile a world that most often reads me as masculine woman, sometimes as a feminine woman, sometimes as a feminine boy, and occasionally as a masculine man. Yes, I am seen as all of those and more - depending on the day, the situation, and who is making that subconscious assessment. And with rare exceptions, I am never read exactly as I identify and AM. This means I’ve had the unique pleasure, and the horror, of seeing firsthand what these gender perceptions mean for how people are treated with respect or disregard, given access or questioned, listened to or talked over based on gender identity and expression alone. Not to mention how my whiteness, disAbilites, class background, and more may make this experience different than for others under the same gendered circumstances.

I know, for example, what it’s like to be threatened with sexual violence as a means of correction for gender nonconformity, as well as being told that simply existing in my femininity means that I “was asking for it”.

Unfortunately, I also know what it means to start to internalize the subconscious superiority that I am afforded when I am being perceived as a man and/or masculine: like somehow a room, a conversation, leadership roles are just unquestionably mine, and that somehow my voice, opinion, presence are more important than those of the women and/ or feminine people around me.

As you read this issue of CommUNITY, you’ll see a number ways LGBTQ people experience these things, as well as the ways we push back. As you do, I encourage you to join me in asking ourselves some additional critical questions: -What do we really mean when we say someone does or doesn’t “look gay?”

-How does a “double-male income” differ from a “double-female income” for our families?

-What message are we sending when we see drag queens as only good for entertainment, but not as people who are “dating material?”

-Why are queer femmes so often made invisible by our own lesbian, bi, and queer women’s communities?

-What causes gay, bisexual, and queer men to experience such high rates of eating disorders?

-Why, on the rare occasion that transgender people are granted positions of leadership, it’s mostly white trans men and almost never trans women of color?

-What makes gender nonconformity in those assigned male at birth less accepted than in those assigned female at birth?

-Why are trans women of color experiencing the highest rates of violence and murder of all LGBTQ groups?

These are examples of how our own LGBTQ+ communities manifest sexism (one-way system of oppression that privileges men and subordinates people who are not men), misogyny (negative attitudes towards and devaluing of feminine traits and individuals), and transmisogyny (negative attitudes towards, devaluing of, and neglectful harm of transgender women and trans-feminine people).

It’s these observations and my aforementioned complex variety of experiences that inspire me to think more about how I can push back against these damaging values and structures within my LGBTQ communities. Assessing our roles in deconstructing sexism and misogyny, as well as what feminism (and transfeminism) means to each of us, are essential components to better the lives of LGBTQ+ people. As we do this work on individual and institutional levels, we also need to be mindful that we haven’t left people out (for example, fighting for the rights of all women without mistakenly neglecting women of color or transgender women).

Perhaps most importantly, I am striving to better exercise humility and the self-reflection that allows us to better serve those around us and to continue our individual growth and healing.

Lyndon Cudlitz Training and Education Manager

ROMAINE BROOKS GALLERY

VILLAGE ELDERS

Village Elders opens in the Romaine Brooks Gallery on 1st Friday, March 4th with an artist’s reception from 5-9pm in the Rainbow Cafe. The Show will be on exhibit through March 2016.

Located on the 1st floor of the Pride Center of the Capital Region at 332 Hudson Ave, Albany, The Romaine Brooks Gallery and Rainbow Cafe are open Every 1st Friday from 5-9pm and every 2nd and last Sunday from 6-9pm.

Clockwise from Top Left: Gerry, James William, Hank / Helena, Sandy and Eileen.

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LOCALLY BY ALEXANDRA ELEAZAR

We Are More Than How We Dress My school has a gender-neutral dress code, but this is a pretty rare find within schools. My Student Council worked together to create the dress code in alliance with the teachers. After months of work we were able to change the dress code to what it is now. After hours of brainstorming, attending teacher meetings, studying what other schools were doing, and reading a lot of feminist articles, we were met with success. Having the dress code be gender neutral makes the school more inclusive to trans* and gender nonconforming people. But it also helps get rid of the assumptions of gender and its associated clothing.

Across many schools we see dress codes directly connected to how girls are allowed to dress, while barely accounting for the clothing typically associated with men. Girls are taken out of classes for minor infractions, something as simple as a bra strap being seen. This form of thinking tells girls that how they dress is more important than their education, and that the education of boys is indirectly more important.

They are taken out of classes, sent home, and shamed by the people who are supposed to be educating them.

This is what feeds ‘slut-shaming,’ an idea that if a girl is sexually active in any way, she is a slut, which is ridiculous. The system tells girls that their bodies should be hidden, while at the same time displaying a culture that feeds sexualization and perfection. It tells people that if boys can’t control themselves, it is the girl’s fault for wearing something ‘inappropriate.’

It directly feeds into rape culture. This idea is also completely hetero-normative. If women and gender nonconforming people who are attracted to women can control themselves- there is no reason we should tell our boys they can’t (who under this system are all presumably straight, which we all know is not true).

The gender neutral dress code helps dispel the idea that the dress code is aimed towards women. It is for every student. Instead of focusing on how our girls dress, let’s focus on education. Let’s teach people to respect each other. Instead of taking girls out of classes and making them miss out on their education, let’s teach self confidence in all it’s forms. We are more than how we dress.

“Don’t wear that, it’s going to distract the boys in your class.”

For more Groups, Meetings and Events at the Pride Center and across our community see the calendars on pages 34-37 and online at www.capitalpridecenter.org

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pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

Hi! My name is Alexandra Eleazar. I am a senior in highschool, and I attend Hawthorne Valley Waldorf School. I am part of the Student Council, and the cofounder of the Rainbow Club, an LGBT club at Hawthorne Valley. I am also part of the CYAT through the Capital Pride Center.

SEX ED CORNER

RENAME REDEFINE RECLAIM There are many ways queer and trans people push back against the heteronormative and cissexist things we’re taught about bodies and intimacy.

Here’s a few to consider and explore!

Rename

body parts.

Regardless of what we were taught to call certain body parts, we can choose new names or use words that align more with our gender identity or expression.

Redefine

sexual acts.

We each get to have a personal definition of what sex means to us, be that sex with ourselves or sex that involves others. Much like getting to name our own body parts, we also get to decide what we call a particular act.

Reclaim

the narrative.

Remember, not all women have vulvas; not all men have penises. And that’s pretty awesome. Masculine people are not restricted to topping; feminine people are not restricted to bottoming.

Lifestyle Photography is... Your Everyday, Your Important Moments, Your Once In A Lifetimes, Your Loved Ones.

Lifestyle Photography for a Lifetime of Moments

Got questions about any of this?

Email lcudlitz@capitalpridecenter.org or talk it over in one the Pride Center’s groups for youth or adults! www.Facebook.com/ZhangPhotography www.JayZhangPhotography.com JZPhotographicServices@gmail.com

commUNITY MAR-APR 2016

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Ask the Lawyer BY GERI POMERANTZ At the end of every Ask the Lawyer column, it states “the legal rights of LGBTQ families are an ever-changing landscape, to be addressed monthly in this column.” This month is a very good example of that statement. Here, we report on the Liberty Ridge sexual orientation discrimination case and a pair of lesbian custody cases going to the Court of Appeals.

In the last issue of CommUNITY, we were waiting for a decision from the Appellate Division, Third Judicial Department in Gifford v. Erwin. On January 14th a favorable decision was issued against the owners of Liberty Ridge Farm in Schagitocoke. At issue was whether a business, or public accommodation, can permissibly refuse to offer services on an equal basis to same-sex and different sex-couples, or based on any other protected classification such as race or gender. The decision protects the State’s ability to enforce the Human Rights Law against commercial entities who would otherwise discriminate based on the owner’s proffered religious beliefs.

The court held that the Giffords unlawfully discriminated based on sexual orientation by refusing to allow a lesbian couple to get married on their farm, in violation of New York State law. Presiding Justice Karen Peters wrote a unanimous decision, joined by all five judges. The appellate court upheld a $10,000 fine and a $1,500 restitution order, imposed against the Giffords by the state agency tasked with enforcing the state’s Human Rights Law. Importantly, the Court soundly rejected the Giffords’ claims that the agency’s determination violated their constitutional rights to freely practice their religion, and nor did it violate their free speech rights.

With respect to the free speech claim, the Giffords argued that the ruling compelled them to espouse support for same-sex marriage, to which they are opposed.

The Court quite simply held that “the Giffords remain free to express whatever views they may have on the issue of same-sex marriage. The determination simply requires them to abide by the law and offer the same goods and services to same-sex couples that they offer to other couples. . . . Like all other owners of public accommodations who provide services to the general public, the Giffords must comply with the statutory

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pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

mandate prohibiting discrimination against customers on the basis of sexual orientation or any other protected characteristic.”

Although this is the first case of its kind in New York, there have been similar cases in other states involving businesses who violate their state’s anti-discrimination laws because they don’t want to provide services in connection with same sex marriages. Appellate courts in other states have similarly rejected these first amendment claims advanced by homophobic business. While the antigay and anti-abortion right wing Alliance Defending Freedom has promised to appeal the Giffords decision, the New York State Court of appeals does not have to accept the case for appeal.

The NEw york state court of appeals has accepted two cases of great interest to the lgbtq community, concerning the rights of nonbiological and nonadoptive parents The New York State Court of Appeals has accepted two cases of great interest to the LGBTQ community, concerning the rights of non-biological and nonadoptive parents to seek custody and visitation of a child after the parents’ separate. I have written extensively in this column about the lack of parental rights of intended parents who are not biologically or legally related to their children.

In 1991, our Court of Appeals issued a bright line rule that only a parent linked to a child by biology or adoption has the right to seek custody or visitation of that child.

Mtr of Allison D v. Virginia M. Thus, the 2010 court ruled, in a dispute between former lesbian partners who had a child together through assisted reproductive technology, that only the birth mother had a right to custody and control of the child, with no regard for the best interests of the child to maintain her relationship with the non-biological mother. This bright line rule was re-affirmed in 2010

by the Court of Appeals in Debra H v.

Janice R. However, in the 2010 cases, the child was born while the women were in a Vermont Civil Union. The Vermont Civil Union statute conferred parental rights to the non-birth mother in such circumstances. Thus, the New York court held that because of the Vermont Statute only, the non-birth mother had the right to seek custody and visitation of her child. Once that right is recognized, the family court can then decide what custody arrangement between two parents is in the child’s best interest.

Since then, and in the age of marriage equality, there have been varied results in custody cases involving children born during same-sex marriage. In certain cases, the outcome has depended on how the child was conceived. That notwithstanding, there remain plenty of custody disputes between parents who have never been married, and only one parent is the biological or adoptive parent.

In Mtr of Brooke SB, the Appellate Division Fourth Department (In Rochester) upheld the determination of family court that dismissed a custody petition for lack of standing, relying upon the bright line rule of Alison D and Debra H. The Petition here was filed by Brooke, the former unmarried partner of the biological mother. Brook and Elizabeth were in a committed relationship since 2006. They decided to start a family. In 2008 Elizabeth got pregnant with donor insemination. MB was born in 2009, and they all functioned as a family unit, with two mothers, including everyone having the same last name. The women held themselves out as MB’s mothers, and were both recognized as such by their extended families, medical providers, the church where the child was baptized, and the like. The family lived together until May 2010 when the women separated.

For about three years after separating, MB shared his time between his two mothers’ homes. Then, in July 2013, Elizabeth prohibited Brooke from having any contact with MB. Brook filed for visitation in family court in the fall of 2013. Elizabeth’s motion to dismiss that petition was granted.

Arguing that Alison D and Debra H are out of touch with the realities of

there have been varied results in custody cases modern families, and the importance to children of maintaining parent/child relationships, Brooke and MB’s attorney (the law guardian) appealed to the Court of Appeals. Several organizations are submitting friend of the court briefs in this case in support of the appeal, urging the court that the time has come to recognize parent/child relationships that are not based on biology or adoption.

The issue is whether the legal doctrine of equitable estoppel, or parentage by estoppel, should be embraced by the courts in New York. That doctrine would allow an intended parent who is not legally or biologically related to a child to seek custody or visitation of that child against the wishes of the biological or legal parent. Oral argument is expected in the Spring of 2016.

In the second case, Arriaga v. Dukoff, the Appellate Division, Second department (in Brooklyn) ruled that a biological mother can’t have her cake and eat it too. In that case, the birth mother sought child support against her former partner, claiming that the former partner was also the child’s mother responsible for her support. The court held that the birth mother could not later argue that the former partner’s custody petition should be dismissed because she wasn’t a parent of that same child. Leave to appeal, requested by the birth mother, and was granted by the Court of Appeals in September 2015. Oral argument is also expected in the spring. Watch this column for further information.

The legal rights of LGBTQ families are an everchanging landscape, to be addressed monthly in this column. The material in this article is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended to give legal advice, and should not substitute for the independent advice of counsel.

Readers are urged to consult an attorney for legal advice. The views expressed in this column are solely those of Ms. Pomerantz and do not reflect the opinion of the Pride Center.

Geri Pomerantz is an attorney in the capital district with a practice focused on family and matrimonial law, specifically including LGBTQ families.

Geri conducts continuing legal education training for other lawyers, and conducts community education, on issues of importance to the LGBTQ community. She can be reached at GPEsq@pomerantzlaw.org.

Men’s Pride For gay, bisexual, transgender, same-gender-loving, queer, and questioning men ages 18+ Meets Every Monday at 7pm 1st, 3rd & 5th Mondays - Discussion Group 2nd & 4th Mondays - Social Gathering at the Pride Center of the Capital Region 332 Hudson Ave, Albany - Garden Level For more information on Men’s Pride call (518) 462-6138 or ahackett@capitalpridecenter.org

For more information on Women’s Pride call (518) 462-6138 or lsimone@capitalpridecenter.org

Women’s Pride For lesbian, bisexual, transgender, same-gender-loving, queer, and questioning women ages 18+ Meets on alternating Wednesdays at 6pm 2nd Wednesday–Social 4th Wednesday– Discussion at the Pride Center of the Capital Region 332 Hudson Ave, Albany - 1st Floor commUNITY MAR-APR 2016

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To Be a Blessing BY AUDREY SEIDMAN

Feeling Grateful for this Moment

In the first days of January I attended the funeral of the Dad of my best friend in junior high. He was 92 and lived a full and happy life. As hard as losing a parent may be, this is how we usually expect life to unfold.

During these last days of January, I have been visiting the bedside of a friend my own age who is dying of cancer. It is both heart breaking and an honor to companion my friend and the loved ones who have gathered around from life’s many times and spaces. It is a reminder that life is fragile, that my own current health is a true gift, and that we only have today.

I have felt surrounded by illness and death beyond these two for the past several weeks. I wonder if this “streak” is an anomaly, or if it is the “new normal” for those of us who are old enough for senior tickets under the new rules at the Spectrum Theatre.

I am not a stranger to death, though I’ve been more fortunate than many. I am still blessed with two parents. My vigils at the hospital have been mostly as a chaplain to others.

Yet I’ve been drawn to commit much of my new retirement time to the exploration of aging and the preparation for dying well. I am completing a course of study offered by ALEPH, the Alliance for Jewish Renewal, called the Sageing® Mentorship Program, a “spiritual eldering” program based largely on the book From Age-ing to Sage-ing: A Profound New Vision of Growing Older

by Zalman Schachter-Sholomi (Reb Zalman) with Ronald S. Miller.

Reb Zalman and other spiritual teachers, including Ram Dass and Father Richard

Rohr, write about the shift in our later years that Freud called Thanatos, or the Death Instinct, which includes “contraction, quiescence, lack of activity and inwardness.” Reb Zalman proposes that to do the work of eldering, we must “meet, embrace, ennoble, and domesticate the death instinct.”

None of this is to say that Eros or Libido, the life force goes out. Indeed, the growth towards Thanatos enables us to be more choosey about where to invest our energies, honor the truths of who we are still becoming and share our experiences by mentoring others. It is the time of assessment and legacy building.

These are the years that invite us to focus more deeply on tasks such as life review and completion.

These are years that invite us to focus more deeply on tasks such as life review and completion. What am I grateful for each day? What forgiveness work remains undone? Who were my greatest mentors and severest teachers? What is my sacred offering to this world? And perhaps, “Who do I want around me when I am dying?”

We harvest our experiences – particularly those that were difficult – into wisdom and blessings. And we come to terms with our own mortality. As a student in the Sage-ing® Program I have had the opportunity to write a first draft of my own obituary, final confession and ethical will. Each of these has been a tool for calling my attention to how I wish to live life to its fullest.

Doing this work reminds me of my roots in the late 1970s when I volunteered with the organization that has grown into the internationally known Services and Advocacy for LGBT Elders (SAGE). At that time, the era of the Gray Panthers and senior rights, we were on the true cutting edge, making visible a largely hidden population. One of my dearest friends from that time is now 86 and has always been a true guide for living every stage of life. Now there are GLBT senior centers; we have come far, with more to do.

Meanwhile, there is the younger generation that is still creating life’s container, their sense of identity, their careers, their relationships. My niece called me this late January morning to announce her engagement! I am happy to hear her joy. It opens a new space in my day.

I then go to yoga where the physicality calls me into the moment. Breathing in, breathing out I can feel the tension in my body, the ability to stretch just a little more, the limits, and the release. It is a blessing to be reminded that life is about finding balance, finding the ground, and feeling grateful for this moment. And the next.

This article is one of a series provided by Advocates for Welcoming Congregations, a Capital Region group that encourages the welcoming of LGBT persons into the full life and leadership of communities of faith. The group also works to make visible for members of the LGBT community opportunities for practicing their faith traditions.

Audrey Seidman is an intern in the ALEPH Sage-ing® Mentorship Program, a spiritual director and volunteer chaplain. She dabbles in storytelling, loves contra dancing, and works to build bridges across differences of all kinds.

She can be reached at seidmanaudrey@yahoo.com.

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Project HOPE’s website got a facelift!

Now something for everyone!

With a sleek new design, Project HOPE’s menu of support services has expanded to include LGBT health!

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ProjectHOPEafph.org

pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

Being a GOOD Gender Therapist

by Arlene Istar Lev Our culutre is at the beginning of a revolution - the transgender movement is at the forefront of a truly feminist, non-sexist and liberating social transformation.

I originally wrote this article in 1996 (!), and – although the field of transhealth has dramatically transformed in this time – this article (with very minor changes) has withstood the test of time.

I have an image indelibly etched in my mind: I’m watching the Wizard of Oz on television as a child, and get to the scene when the merry travelers first reach the Wizard’s castle in Oz, after a long and perilous journey. They are met at the door by a gatekeeper, who opens the peephole and says, “Go away,” Therapists working in the gender community are often viewed as this gatekeeper was – a powerful figure that can determine entry and must be convinced, cajoled, bribed or tackled into allowing admission. Clients often come prepared to their first session, armed with more clinical reading material than any other client population. On their first visit, they often present with a description of “gender dysphoria” literally lifted from a medical textbook. They are either terrified of me because I have the power to diagnosis them, or furious at me because they need me to diagnosis them in order to receive the medical care they desire.

Developing a healing and trusting relationship that starts from the premise of power and exclusion is a challenge.

How can I be a gatekeeper who is a gentle door’man’, warmly inviting an often scared and vulnerable client in to my office, offering a safe haven from judgment and diagnosis?

Clients are right to be wary. Most therapists are ignorant of transgender people and the challenges they face, and have had virtually no training on these issues. Some therapists still believe gender diversity to be a disorder; a few, in their effort to refuse the yoke of being a gatekeeper, eschew any clinical assessment and approve all requests for medical referrals on principal, ignoring ethical guidelines, and individual narratives, and do not provide any ongoing advocacy or emotional support.

Therapists working in the gender community are placed in an untenable position, -- caught between the requirements of western medicine’s bureaucratic machine on one hand, and the burgeoning trans liberation movement on the other. The medical model requires diagnosis before medication can be provided, and the trans political community challenges a pathologizing model that diagnoses disease, mislabels identity, and infers illness. The politics of liberation, however empowering, do not often bear witness to the intensity of very personal human pain in the face of gender confusion, or gender oppression The decision to come into a therapist’s office is rarely an easy one for anyone; it often represents a change, a step forward. As a therapist, what can I do to help this person on what can be a perilous, as well as joyous, journey?

Therapists are professionals with experience and expertise in understanding something about human pain, and who have the goal of assisting people to live healthier, more productive lives. I am also a family therapist who believes that people are interconnected in a web of others; I see that our actions and decisions impact one another. I am also a feminist, a social worker and political activist, which means I cannot limit myself to psychological explanations of human behavior, but am committed to seeing

the social and political ramifications of oppression in why people experience the kind of pain they do.

These parts overlap inside of me, synthesizing a working analysis of my professional obligations. I believe that living in a binary gender system is no less than tyranny. I believe that everyone has a right to their own gender presentation and expression, their own understanding of their own identity, and that everyone has a right to access appropriate and expert medical care. I believe that our culture is at the beginning of a revolution and that the transgender movement is at the forefront of a truly feminist, non-sexist and liberating social transformation.

You can find a guide to travel with you on a sometimes perilous, but often exhilarating journey I also believe that we, all of us, are deeply wounded from the ravages of this racist, heteronormative, and patriarchal society. I believe that those of us who are “different” -- racially, culturally and genderly -- suffer greatly. At its worst the system kills us, institutionalizes us, and abandons us to poverty. At its best, we can heal; we can deconstruct the patriarchy’s lies, we can reinvent ourselves in our own image. Good therapy is a tool that can help this process.

That I am a gatekeeper is undeniable – I have the power to write referral letters for hormones and surgery, or not. I have the power to diagnosis people with mental illnesses, and who among us is not afraid that of some outside authority’s power to decree us “mad”?

I am one of the authors of the World Professional Association of Transgender Health’s Standards of Care. The current edition has significantly reduced the commUNITY MAR-APR 2016

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power of the gatekeeping role, something I strongly advocated for. These new guidelines make it much easier for a therapist to provide an assessment and referral to a physician, without long evaluations or a need for psychotherapy.

This a great advance in our field, assisting in easier access to quality medical care.

However, there are times when assessment processes are more complex.

We are seeing increased numbers of young clients, small children who live in very black and white worlds regarding gender (“If I like playing with Barbie dolls then I am a girl, because only girls can play with dolls, right?”), as do most other children of their age group. Sorting out family messages of judgment, societal sexism, normative expressions of gender diversity, from transgender expression and gender dysphoria is not always a simple process. Working with adolescents, who sometimes present in therapy wanting medical treatment with no history of gender diversity or gender dysphoria, but a new insight having seen a series of YouTube videos – often accompanied by confused, angry, frightened parents – requires more than a quick assessment and referral. Decisions about medical care can impact fertility, and permanent bodily changes, and few young people are “happy” with the changes brought on by puberty. We live in a culture that refuses these young people the legal right to have tattoos because they are “too young,” yet therapists are asked to assist in decision-making with far more serious permanent changes

Adults seeking treatment are often in great pain. They are often married with children and less than supportive spouses, they are fearful of job loss, and losing custody of their children.

Sometimes people present with ongoing psychiatric issues – severe depression, chronic alcoholism, suicidality, extreme anxiety. Will medical treatment for gender dysphoria increase or decrease their pain? It is easy to assume it always will help, but having worked with trans people for nearly 30 years, I have seen that sometimes – without proper support – mental health issues can dramatically increase. People can lose family and supports, become unemployed and homeless, and sometimes the changes in their body cause increased confusion 16 |

pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

and pain. Assisting people in developing support systems, understanding the life-long physical effects of medical treatment, and helping them negotiate complex bureaucratic medical and legal systems so they do not lose their jobs or children,must be part of the gender therapist’s work, or we might inadvertently cause more harm, rather than lessen pain.

You do not need to settle for a gatekeeper to present a false self to who will judge and diagnosis you; nor should you settle for a paper pusher who does not challenge you and help you see yourself more clearly.

At the end of the Wizard of Oz, you may remember the scene when Toto pulls back the curtain behind which the wizard is hiding. The wizard says, in what I think of as one of the great moments of cinema, “Please ignore the man behind the curtain.” Therapy is about opening up this curtain. Therapy is not magic; the therapist is not a wizard.

And this gendered world we inhabit is most certainly not Oz. Any therapist who is hiding behind diagnoses and clinical interpretations is just hiding behind a curtain. Any good therapist will open the curtain, and show you his or her or their face.

Trans people have inherited a binary system in which they do not fit, and becoming whole is no easy task. The work of healing, of deep healing, is the best work we can do. Not because transgender people are gender dysphoric or mentally ill, but because the system is crazy-making, and we all have a right to heal at the root of our spirit.

Indeed, it has been suggested that coming home to one’s true spirit is a shamanistic journey. In most spiritual traditions before undertaking a spiritual quest, one seeks out a guide. One client called me a “transition assistant,” and indeed this work is about assisting and guiding. I think of a guide as a skilled person who is prepared for all circumstances, and knows the diversity of the terrain. Guides do not necessarily know everything that will be encountered, and cannot know

the inner path of the seeker, but they can often sense when danger is near, or know how to prepare shelter in a storm, or lead the seeker to water.

I learned many years ago to never go camping without carrying matches in sealed plastic bags. When clients are drenched in the rainstorm of job loss, partners’ abandonment, complicated medical problems or authoritarian doctors, I can pull out my matches and build a fire. I can provide warmth and listen to their pain, and then listen some more.

Being a “good” therapist requires myriad skills. I can advocate for clients, and help them build up the strength they need to advocate for themselves. I can be the voice of expertise in talking with family members. Often I can use my professional power to help people receive other services they need; sometimes I must use my professional power to push clients to examine issues they would rather ignore.

I am often a fashion consultant.

There is nothing more important in the therapeutic relationship than finding a therapist who provides a safe space, and feels comfortable to you – who you can trust with your truths. You do not need to settle for a gatekeeper to present a false self to who will judge and diagnosis you; nor should you settle for a paper pusher who does not challenge you and help you to see yourself more clearly. You can find a guide to travel with you on a sometimes perilous, but often exhilarating journey.

You deserve nothing less.

Copyright Arlene Istar Lev 1998/2016 Arlene Istar Lev LCSW, CASAC, is a social worker, family therapist, educator, and writer whose work addresses the unique therapeutic needs of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people. She is the founder of Choices Counseling and Consulting in Albany, New York and TIGRIS: The Institute for Gender, Relationships, Identity, and Sexuality.

Sh is on the adjunct faculties of the University of Albany, School of Social Welfare, Empire College, and Alliant University, California School of Professional Psychology. She is the author of The Complete Lesbian and Gay Parenting Guide (Penguin Press, 2004) and Transgender Emergence: Therapeutic Guidelines for Working with Gender-Variant People and their Families (Haworth Press, 2004). She can be reached at Choices Counseling and Consulting, 518.438-2222, or info@choicesconsulting.com www.choicesconsulting.com

Guidelines in Seeking a Therapist The therapist must have training in gender issues. These 1. mean that he or she has studied transhealth through courses or research, and is affiliated with transgender organizations. The best referrals will come from the experiences of other trans people. This can be a difficult obstacle, since there is little training available. Many people with advanced degrees have little knowledge in this area, and some people who are very knowledgeable are "self-taught." If the therapist admits to a lack of concrete knowledge, they must be willing to read and study, as well as be under the supervision of someone trained in gender issues.

2.

You must feel comfortable with the therapist. This is something only you will know, and may have little to do with the therapists' skill. This is about "connection," and in order to trust and make use of your time, nothing is more important that an authentic relationship.

3.

The therapist can hold a number of different degrees including a Masters degree in Social Work, Counseling Psychology, Marriage and Family Therapy, or an approved medical degree in Nursing, or Clinical Psychiatry. However, he or she should be trained in a wide range of practice skills including individual and family therapy, psychopharmacology, psychodynamic and developmental processes, mental illnesses, addictions, and trauma recovery. Ideally, the person should be eclectic in their treatment approaches, and treat each client as a unique person, without fitting them into a predetermined treatment modality.

Show Your Pride Online

4.

The therapist should be aware of issues of sexual and gender identity, and the impact of political and social forces in the construction of identity. A clinical and medical knowledge is not enough; a socio-political understanding of gender, ethnicity and class are essential skills.

5.

Services should be financially reasonable, and confidential.

6.

Before beginning a therapeutic relationship, interview the therapist and inquire as to their degrees, qualifications, and belief systems regarding gender as well as more general psychotherapeutic issues. Remember that you are the consumer. If you are not satisfied with the therapists' expertise, or style, find another more compatible therapist. Therapy can be a healing and empowering experience, so do your homework to find the right person to work with.

Copyright Arlene Istar Lev 1998/2016

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T R A N S V I E W BY MOONHAWK RIVER STONE

The Politics of Hatred: Commentary on the Changing Times I’m a big fan of Maureen Dowd, columnist for The New York Times. She’s been silent so far on Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s death. Maureen knows how to get to the point of an issue, but without devolving into the current verbally abusive milieu. Lots of other folks have been writing and otherwise expressing opinions about Scalia’s death that are, to say the least, unbecoming to us Americans. His death, like Donald Trump’s candidacy for the Republican Presidential nomination, has become a flashpoint for what is now commonplace among Americans: the vitriolic verbal expression of hatred in the form of derogatory, degrading, shaming, demeaning, malicious, belittling, denigrating, disdainful, disparaging, pejorative, scornful, and contemptuous bordering on the slanderous and libelous. Miss Manners must have a permanent look of horror on her face.

As it is said among some of my Christian friends when Christian folks are doing something particularly heinous, and “Jesus Christ rolled over in his grave.” No doubt about that these days.

But along comes my second favorite columnist, Chris Churchill of the Times Union, to ride to Miss Manners rescue.

His column in the Tuesday, February 16, 2016 paper (p. C1, C3) is a breath of fresh air, if not a slap in the face for mean-spirited people everywhere. Entitled, “Reaction to death shows ugly intolerance” is a treatise (albeit a bit informal) on the runaway freight train of American intolerance. Clearly we don’t so much as need gun control (we do), as we need mouth control. Whatever happened to counting to ten before you speak (or text or tweet)? What happened to don’t say anything at all if you can’t say some18 |

pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

thing nice--or say it nicely? There are plenty of ways to give feedback about others behavior and/or ideas or character without resorting to the kind of open verbal warfare that seems so pervasive in America today. So, thank you, Chris, your article was hard to read in places because I’m one of those folks who certainly never liked any of Justice Scalia’s opinions on the High Court, and certainly did not like the way he treated others in his questioning during arguments made before the court, and certainly really didn’t like his dismissive judgementalness declared in some of his dissenting opinions.

You can disagree with someone’s position without calling it “applesauce.” One of the points of Churchill’s article was to bemoan the Americans’ loss of Americans’ ability to be civil and respectful and to civilly and calmly consider the opinions of others learning from them. Discourse, respectful discourse and the healthy agree-to-disagree because there in life there is always give and take. From my perspective, wrongs are always, at some pointed righted. If we forsake that hope, then we are doomed to the verbal chaos of contemptuous behavior that leaves everyone a victim.

The problem in academics is that it’s partly a game of who’s published how many times and done how much research that determines how one gets power, not the soundness of one’s theory or the ability to change with the times or that one study, perhaps, changes the world.

So what’s all this got to do with Trans* you might ask? Well...what those of us who oppose the stance and behavior of Dr. Kenneth Zucker have all been waiting for has finally happened. In December 2015, Dr. Zucker was summarily fired from the Center for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) in Toronto, Canada.

For years people had been advocating for an External Review of the CAMH, par-

ticularly Dr. Zucker’s program, The Child Youth and Family Gender Identity Clinic (GIC). Dr. Ray Blanchard, one of the inventors of the spurious diagnosis of Autogynephillia is also employed at CAMH (previous discussed in this column years ago). The External Review was finally complete, and Dr. Zucker was fired as a result of the findings. There is counter opinion out there that he was fired unfairly and that the Review was, perhaps, heavily weighted in favor of those wanting to see him gone, but others see it as a needed change to stop what they viewed as the decades long harmful treatment of children. Zucker’s approach was to convince (reparatively) children that they were not transgender and to give interventions to essentially force children to conform to gender stereotypes of their birth sex. For children whose gender nonconformity was fleetingly transient this approach “might have”--and I say, “might have” worked.

For all other children it was potentially severely traumatizing with potentially life long disastrous outcomes as the many reports out of the GIC have indicated.

The CAMH (f. 1988) is a combination of four entities, most important for this article, The Clark Institute of Psychiatry (f. 1966--the year Harry Benjamin’s book, Transsexual Phenomenon was published) which became known as The Clark. Among progressive mental health researchers and providers The Clark, later CAMH’s GIC became synonymous with reparative therapy for children and adults who were gender dysphoric. Both Dr. Blanchard, but especially Dr. Zucker, were disliked, and even reviled for their views on gender identity which seemed not only out of step with the times and other academic research, but were ultimately punitive and harmful to clients exhibiting gender dysphoria. The problem in academics is that it’s partly a game of who’s published how many times and done how much research that determines how one gets power, not the soundness of one’s theory or the ability to change with the times or that one study, perhaps, changes the world. Dr. Zucker held, and likely still holds, a disproportionate amount of consolidated power and control over the field of gen-

T R A N S V I E W #140©

der identity in mental health, something that has to change now that he’s been fired from CAMH. He previously led the committee for the development of the DSM-5 chapter on Sex and Gender Disorders despite ongoing controversy about his appointment and what appeared to be some superficial attempts at diversifying the committee membership; ultimately Zucker held sway on the final discussions and we’re still stuck with Gender Dysphoria in the DSM-5.

Miss Manners must have a permanent look of horror on her face.

How this hooks up with Chris Churchill’s article? Simple, all those ways we like to speak about someone we don’t like will certainly come out as folks speak out about and write about Dr. Zucker. Much as I intensely disagree with his research and clinical approach to working with children, I think reparative therapy on gender dysphoric folks is flat out wrong, and abhor his bullying behavior toward colleagues who disagree with him, I in no way want us to devolve into contemptuous and disparaging speech and writing, but to offer clear critique and to be glad to be moving on from this controversial figure without being shaming of him.

Though I haven’t read much online about Zucker’s firing, I do know I can count on certain quarters to be every bit as vitriolic as the Scalia/Trump folks. We just need to move on with the opportunity we’ve been given to right the balance of things, without harming anyone--Dr. Zucker or ourselves. Thank you, Chris.

Until next time...T Rev. Moonhawk River Stone of Riverstone Consulting is an Interfaith Minister, transgender activist, writer, educator, consultant, keynote speaker and psychotherapist in private practice for over 25 years with experience and extensive expertise in all aspects of transgender policy and health.

Trans Pride Trans Pride

The Trans Pride program is dedicated to empowering trans* and gender non-conforming people and their allies through social opportunities, community building, resource sharing, and advocacy.

The Trans Pride program is dedicated to empowering trans* and gender Discussion Group & Greet non-conforming people and Meet their allies A discussion group opportunities, An informal social evening through social community focusing on issues for trans* people to building, resource sharing, and advocacy. important to trans* people and community.

1st Tuesdays, 7-9PM

connect and build community.

3rd Tuesdays, 7-9PM

The Discussion Group and Meet & Greet are open to all trans* people and those questioning their gender, ages 18+.

Trans* denotes a wide range of people including those who identify as transgender, transsexual, two-spirit, genderqueer, gender-non-conforming, questioning their gender, and more. We use the asterisk to help us remember that trans* identities and experiences are diverse, while still sharing a common thread.

All meetings take place at the Pride Center, 332 Hudson Avenue, Albany

P: 518.462.6138 PROGRAMS@CAPITALPRIDECENTER.ORG www.capitalpridecenter.org

Discussion Group - A discussion group focusing on issues important to trans* people and community.

1st Tuesdays, 7-9PM Meet & Greet - An informal social evening for trans* people to connect and build community.

3rd Tuesdays, 7-9PM

The Discussion Group and Meet & Greet are open to all trans* people and those questioning their gender, ages 18+.

Trans* denotes a wide range of people including those who identify as transgender, transsexual, two-spirit, genderqueer, gender-non-conforming, questioning their gender, and more.

We use the asterisk to help us remember that trans* identities and experiences are diverse, while still sharing a common thread.

All meetings take place at the Pride Center, 332 Hudson Avenue, Albany P: 518.462.6138 PROGRAMS@CAPITALPRIDECENTER.ORG

www.capitalpridecenter.org commUNITY MAR-APR 2016

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QueerEngineer Get to know us & how you can support LGBTQ* students in science, technology, engineering, & mathematics. /QueerEngineer

@QueerEngineer

A Pride Center of the Capital Region affiliate agmc

is an affiliate of

AGMC

AGMC islookingfornewmembers Albany Gay Men’s Chorus

Rehearsals are Wednesdays 6:45 - 9:00 pm at the First Lutheran Church of Albany.

For more Information Website: www.albanygmc.org E-mail: albanygmc@yahoo.com Voice-mail: 518-459-7563 Join us on facebook... Albany Gay Men’s Chorus - agmc 20 |

pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

Gender Policing. There are so many versions of it that you could find yourself

dealing with, but let’s start by defining it.

POLICING

Simply put, gender policing is the act of imposing or enforcing

GENDER

gender norms on an individual’s expression, size, language,

MY

based on one’s own perception of another’s assigned sex/

B Y:

DEIDRE DUMPSON

gender and/or gender identity.

In other words, it’s telling one person how they should act,

GENDER POLICING LOOKS LIKE:

look, etc. based on your own

TELLING TRANS*/GENDER NON-CONFORMING FOLKS TO…

idea of how a specific gender

SHARE WHETHER OR NOT THEY HAVE HAD ANY SURGERIES.

should be performed.

DRESS, CARRY THEMSELVES A CERTAIN WAY TO “PASS” BETTER

Gender policing is a tool of sexism and

TELLING WOMEN OF COLOR TO…

cissexism. It is utilized to strip women

NOT BE SO AGGRESSIVE

(trans and cis) of the agency they rightfully should have over their bodies. It is the ever

BE CONCERNED ABOUT HOW OTHER PEOPLE WILL PERCEIVE WHAT THEY DO/WEAR

present hatred and devaluing of femininity.

AVOID GETTING DARKER FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR ATTRACTIVE-

It feeds the endless hunger of a misogynistic and hyper masculine society. It fuels the Fatphobia so severely engrained in our minds. It encourages other Queer folk to

fall to misogyny by using, “No Femmes” and “Straight-Acting Only” in their dating

NESS

TELLING MEN TO… NOT BE SENSITIVE VEER AWAY FROM FEMININITY

TELLING FAT PEOPLE…

profiles. It erases neutrality, fluidity and

TO CONSIDER DIET PLANS

androgyny and forces our world to focus

NOT TO SHOW OFF TOO MUCH SKIN

on the false binary of assigned sex/gender,

TO CONCEAL THEIR WEIGHT

gender identity and gender expression.

TO CHANGE THEIR LIFESTYLES TO CATER TO YOUR DISCOMFORT

So ask yourself where your discomfort

TELLING POOR OR WORKING CLASS PEOPLE…

comes from with certain people doing cer-

TAKE BETTER CARE OF THEIR APPEARANCE

tain things, do your best to combat that

THEY ARE LESS ATTRACTIVE OR VALUABLE BECAUSE OF THE THINGS THEY

discomfort, and NEVER NEVER tell some-

DON’T/CAN’T AFFORD TO WEAR

one what they should do with their body. commUNITY MAR-APR 2016

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LAW OFFICE OF GERI POMERANTZ, ESQ. Proudly serving the LGBT community and our friends

694 Columbia Turnpike East Greenbush, NY 12061 Tel: 518-479-3713 http://pomerantzlaw.org/ Practice focused on family and matrimonial law

22 |

pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

by Lauren Simone Like racism, the reality of sexism is also complex. And we can’t discuss sexism without acknowledging that it is rooted in male privilege.

The first guy who grabbed my breasts and made a crude joke was a friend of mine.

I felt uncomfortable, but tried to laugh it off. Why make a big deal out of it? It’s not like he actually wanted to have sex with me or meant it “that way”.

He was gay.

Being a teen in high school, I didn’t want to reflect on how it made me feel. We were friends. Being LGBTQ, we were both on the same “team”. There was a sense of “us against them”, an implicit idea of safety.

That was not the last time that a man, straight or gay, touched me sexually or said something about my body without my consent. As I got older and began calling out this behavior, I was dismayed when not only straight men reacted incredulously. Gay men responded dismissively or angrily, surprised they were even questioned, often saying “but I’m gay” as justification.

It was something that frustrated me. I couldn’t understand where it came from.

Why were these men, who said they were my friends, refusing to talk about this? Why did they feel entitled to touch me, make me feel uncomfortable, when they were supposed to be safe?

Turns out, I was making a similar mistake that they were. I was assuming that because they were gay, they couldn’t be sexist and sexually harass women.

Think about how we are taught about what sexual harassment is. One popular example is the straight, cis male boss hitting on the hot, young, straight, cis female intern.

It’s because he can’t control himself; he wants to have sex with her. The reasoning behind this behavior assumes everyone

is straight and fit into assigned gender roles. It’s one overly simplistic narrative that leaves out important truths.

Sexual harassment is not about sexual desire. Regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, age, etc., anyone can be a perpetrator or victim. It happens in many different ways, for many different reasons.

Our society accepts and reinforces limited narratives. Insidiously allowing -isms of all forms to run rampant, with little fear of truly being dismantled, because we can say, “it wasn’t like that”.

I was assuming that because they were gay, they couldn’t be sexist and sexually harass women.

When a black child is murdered by a police officer, think of those who deny racism, because their narrative is whiterobed-men-burning-crosses and can say, “it wasn’t like that”.

Like racism, the reality of sexism is also complex. And we can’t discuss sexism without acknowledging that it is rooted in male privilege.

Privilege is inherent societal advantages that may seem normal to you because you don’t have to think about them. This can be race, sexuality, ability, etc. It’s about being considered the norm, where others are considered a deviation. Male privilege is how society gives men, as a class, advantages and power in relation to women, as a class. Men are the norm, women are the deviation. Though their experience of that privilege may depend on the other intersections of their identity (such as gender expression, religion, race), every man by virtue of being read male, benefits from this.

So sexist behavior, like sexual harassment, having been reinforced by attitudes, stereotypes, and cultural norms that promote discrimination against women, can be perpetuated by men of all sexualities.

Although our LGBTQ communities are

oppressed and discriminated against, we don’t have a free pass to do that to others.

When we have privilege in any way, we have an unconsciously investment in those –isms. As a bisexual woman, my gender and sexual orientation does not negate my privilege as a cis, white, middle class citizen.

It took me years to begin to do this personal work, to understand larger power structures at play, and reflect on moments like when my gay friend grabbed my breasts that first time.

With an intersectional lens, I’ve come to several realizations about that experience.

My feelings are valid. Like many women in our society, I was taught to accept behaviors that are unacceptable.

I experienced sexual harassment. I didn’t use that language at the time, because it did not fit the limited narrative I had been presented with, applying only to straight men and women.

A man’s sexual orientation does not invalidate his male privilege. Or give him the right to touch or comment on a woman’s body without her consent, regardless of her sexual orientation.

Having privilege does not automatically make someone a bad person. People we care about (even ourselves) will make mistakes. They can hurt us. We have all internalized society’s limited and toxic narratives.

We have to own our actions, confront our privilege, and most importantly, not leave others to do the work alone. Disrupting the narrative makes us stronger, both as individuals and as a “team”.

Be open to having complex conversations, respecting boundaries, and please, keep your hands to yourself.

Lauren is currently a Programs Supervisor at The Pride Center of the Capital Region. A former education and outreach specialist with Planned Parenthood who studied LGBTQ and women’s history in college, she is committed to confronting rape culture and applying intersectional feminism to both her personal and professional life.

commUNITY MAR-APR 2016

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Members Aeon Nexus Lucas Confectionery and Wine Bar Albany Medical Center Mansion Inn Albany.com/Mannix Marketing Mark D. Witecki, CPA Alliance for Positive Health Mazzone Hospitality / Aperitivo Bistro Aras Performance Group, Inc McGeary's Bank of America/ Merrill Lynch Mexican Radio Schenectady BBL Hospitality Montgomery County Office for Aging Berkshire Bank Foundation MVP Health Care Bomber's Burrito Bar New York Life Insurance Company Buenau's Opticians Northeast Acura Canterbury Animal Hospital NYSUT Capital District YMCA Oh Bar Casswood Insurance Olde English Pub CDPHP Omni Development Company Central Avenue BID Peck’s Arcade Classy Body Art Price Chopper Supermarkets Connections Psychotherapy Rain Modern Chinese Consumer Optical RBC Wealth Management Corey Jamison Consulting, LLC. Renaissance Albany Hotel Deb Best Practices River Street Men’s Club Decrescente ROCKS Deja Vu Ronnie Mangione / Wealth Advisory Group The Desmond Hotel & Conference Center Samaritan Hospital DiCarlo's Scofield Access Solutions LLC Ellis Medicine Security Plumbing & Heating Supply Empire Merchants North Skylands Services, INC Experience and Creative Design, Ltd. Spectrum 8 Theatre Geri Pomerantz, Esq Sunrise Management and Consulting GP Fund Solutions LLC Sylvan Learning Center HomoRadio TD Bank Interim Healthcare The Grocery James Leone State Farm Tri City Rentals Janet Stein / Arbonne International Turner Construction Jay Zhang Photography University at Albany Foundation Joseph Roche, Accounting Waterworks Pub Journey United Church of Christ Wells Fargo Key Bank Wolff’s Biergarten, Schenectady LAX on Lark 24 |

pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

Ask Mark Your Tax Questions

Welcome to the DEAR MARK column where you can ask a tax question.

Of course some questions cannot be answered to due to the limited space in this column or warrant more facts due to specific circumstances of the taxpayer.

Answers that apply to specific taxpayers may not necessary apply to others. Changes in tax law and rules may affect answers given at any point. You can write Mark at Mark Witecki CPA CFP(R) CFE, 3701 State St, Schenectady, NY 12304 DEAR MARK

I hired a contractor to put a new roof on my house. I live in the house and my neighbor told me I should give the contractor what they call a 1099 form.

Sign me, Should I Dear Should I, Form 1099’s are given to those who perform services in a trade or business.

In your case, there does not appear to be a business because the work the contractor did was on a personal, not business address.

BY MARK WITECKI

Dear Writer, IRD is income a taxpayer earned before death but not received by the date of death.

It is not necessarily good or bad.

DEAR MARK,

I fell on some steps this summer and was on short term disability for a couple of months.

I received my regular pay as well as short term disability from the insurance company.

My W-2 did not include my disability pay, but when I got my disability checks from the insurance company, they took out taxes. I asked my boss, and he said my W-2 does not include my disability pay, and when I called the insurance company they said they would not issue a W-2. Any suggestions?

DEAR PUZZLED,

You most certainly should receive a W-2 from the insurance company. Contact their Human Resource/Accounting Office to follow up.

DEAR MARK,

(No name signed.)

When you file your 2015 New York return assuming you are a NYS resident only, you will show the NYC withholding as a credit and no NYC tax liability. Your boss should have you fill out a new IT-2104 which should only allow withholding from New York State.

DEAR MARK,

I just purchased a small farm in 2015. I bought a tractor in 2015 which I have not used yet.

Can I write it off in 2015?

Wondering DEAR WONDERING,

Since the tractor was not placed in service in 2015, you will have to wait until 2016 or whenever you place the tractor in service to begin depreciating it.

Puzzled

DEAR MARK,

I keep hearing about IRD income and that it’s something good. What is it?

DEAR MAD,

I live in Albany but commute to NYC to work four days a week. I don’t have a place in the city and don’t want to.

However, my boss is taking NYC tax out of my pay and did so for all of last year.

What should I do? He says he has to.

Mad.

Answers that apply to specific taxpayers may not necessary apply to others. Changes in tax law and rules may affect answers given at any point.

You can write Mark at Mark Witecki CPA CFP(R) CFE, 3701 State St, Schenectady, NY 12304.

Mark D. Witecki specializes in small businesses and professional individuals. Mr. Witecki has a B. S. in Accounting from S. U. N. Y. Albany and an M. S. in Accounting from Syracuse University.

Mark D. Witecki is a Certified Public Accountant, CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ practitioner, Certified Fraud Examiner, Certified College Planning Specialist and is admitted to practice before the United States Tax Court. Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards Inc. owns the certification marks CFP® , CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ and federally registered CFP (with flame design) in the U.S., which it awards to individuals who successfully complete CFP Board’s initial and ongoing certification requirements. Mark’s office is located at 3701 State Street, Schenectady, New York

®

Tax Preparation commUNITY MAR-APR 2016

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Out in the Garden BY JUDITH FETTERLEY

February Light I welcome February. In February the light changes. Of the light in November, Emily Dickinson wrote, “There’s a certain Slant of light,/ Winter Afternoons -/ That oppresses, like the Heft/ Of Cathedral Tunes -/” She’s right about that; November’s dying light oppresses.

By December we have embraced the darkness, knowing the solstice is near when light begins its return. Then we wait, we wait until February when finally light is back. But it is not the light of any other month. It is no accident that Christos and Jeanne-Claude planned their installation of “The Gates” in New York City’s Central Park for February.

February light is clear, clean, sparkling, magical. It is the kind of light artist’s seek when they plant their easels in front of a north facing window. In his essay, “Nature,” Emerson writes that “the eye is the best of artists.” But he quickly goes on to add, “And as the eye is the best composer, so light is the first of painters.

There is no object so foul that intense light will not make beautiful.”

I can’t quite go that far, but I can say that with the advent of February light, the winter garden’s basic brown, so dominant this year since we have no snow and usually so drab, disperses into subtlety and difference. I notice now the intense dark brown of the dried flower heads on the ‘Autumn Joy’ sedum. I take in the light brown straw-color of

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pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

the Miscanthus grasses, still standing and waving, that surround the sedums, and further away I see the hints of blue that striate the straw stalks of the Little Bluestems. The brown of the Rhamnus tall-hedge is almost black, the brown of the doublefile Viburnum almost gray, the brown of the Siberian cypress almost purple. The bigroot geraniums sport a reddish brown, the color of my best friend in high school’s hair; the iron hedgehog forms a rusty brown mound in the patio garden. The brown of the Hydrangea paniculata is tipped by the last bits of white flowers, making the brown of its branch come true by contrast. The bark of the paperbark maple (Acer griseum) curls off a chocolate colored trunk to reveal inner bark the color of cinnamon.

When the February light shines through the curls of cinnamon, I stand at the kitchen window transfixed.

I give thanks for February light. But I look forward to April when I can once again get out in the garden and tend to my plants. Despite what I’ve been told, I honor Eve as the first horticulturalist. She probably planted that tree herself, she certainly tended it, and she knew its fruit was ready to eat and good to eat. Only a patriarchal god, the product of men who have problems with women because they have problems with themselves, would have tossed her out for wanting to know more about the world of plants. Luckily,

in my own back yard I can return to Eden and in a small way participate in the plant-based culture, a culture of feeding and healing, that women have created over the centuries. No fruit without roots, for sure, but the point of roots is to produce fruits. This year, however, I will miss the company of our beloved cat, Oscar, who died in August. Even that nasty patriarchal god who made Adam and Eve leave paradise let the snake stay and if there had been a cat in the garden, he no doubt would have let the cat stay on too. Our animal companions still inhabit Eden and when they join us in our gardens we are as close to heaven as we will ever come. This summer we will find a spot in the garden for Oscar’s ashes and I will open my heart to the chipmunks and rabbits.

When the February light shines through the curls of cinnamon, I stand at the kitchen window transfixed Judith Fetterley lives and gardens in Glenmont, New York. She also runs Perennial Wisdom, a garden design business for new and existing gardens.

Reach Judith at f etterleyj@gmail.com

Welcoming Congregations

Join Us In Exploring Your Spiritual Side At One Of The Welcoming Congregations Below: Community Congregational Church (UCC) 221 Columbia Tpke, Rensselaer www.clintonheightsucc.org Community Reformed Church of Colonie 701 Sand Creek Road, Colonie www.coloniereformed.org (518)869-5589 Congregation Agudat Achim (Conservative) 2117 Union Street, Schenectady www.agudatachim.org (518) 393-9211

110 North Pearl Street, Albany www.firstchurchinalbany.org (518)463-4449 First Congregational Church of Albany UCC & NACCC 405 Quail Street, Albany www.firstcongregationalalbany.org (518)482-4580 First Lutheran Church 181 Western Avenue, Albany www.FirstLutheranAlbany.org (518)463-1326

Congregation B’nai Shalom (Reform) 420 Whitehall Road, Albany www.bnaishalom.albany.ny.us (518) 482-5283

First Presbyterian Church 362 State Street, Albany www.firstpresalbany.org (518)449-7332

Congregation Berith Sholom (Reform) 167 Third Street, Troy www.berithsholom.org (518)272-8872

First Reformed Church 8 North Church Street, Schenectady www.1streformed.com

Congregation Beth Emeth (Reform) 100 Academy Road, Albany www.bethemethalbany.org (518)436-9761

First Unitarian Society of Schenectady 1221 Wendell Avenue, Schenectady www.fussonline.org (518)374-4446

Congregation Gates of Heaven (Reform) 842 Ashmore Avenue, Schenectady www.cgoh.org (518)374-8173 Congregation Ohav Shalom (Conservative) 113 New Krumkill Road, Albany www.ohavshalom.org Congregation Temple Sinai (Reform) 509 Broadway, Saratoga Springs www.templesinai-saratogasprings.org (518) 584-8730 Delmar Presbyterian Church 585 Delaware Ave, Delmar www.delmarpres.org Eastern Parkway United Methodist Church 943 Palmer Avenue, Schenectady www.easternparkway.weebly.com (518)374-4306 St. George’s Episcopal Church 30 North Ferry St., Schenectady www.stgeorgesschenectady.org Emmanuel Baptist Church 275 State Street, Albany, NY www.emmanuelalbany.net (518)465-5161

First Unitarian Universalist Society of Albany 405 Washington Avenue, Albany www.albanyuu.org (518)463-7135 First United Methodist Church 603 State Street, Schenectady, www.gbgm-umc.org/schenectady (518)374-4403 First United Methodist Church, East Greenbush www.fumceg.org First United Presbyterian Church 1915 Fifth Avenue, Troy www.unitedprestroy.org (518)272-2771 Friends Meeting (Quaker) 727 Madison Avenue, Albany (518) 436-8812 Presbyterian New England Congregational Church, Saratoga http://pnecchurch.org/ Good Shepherd Lutheran Church 501 Albany Shaker Road, Loudonville www.goodshepherdchurchloudonville.org (518)458-1562

First Church in Albany

Holy Trinity National Catholic Church 405 Washington Avenue, Albany www.NCCofA.org/holytrin.html (518)434-8861 Journey United Church of Christ 500 Kenwood Blvd, Delmar www.journeyucc.com Saratoga Springs United Methodist Church 175 Fifth Avenue, Saratoga Springs www.saratogaspringsumc.org (518)5843720 Saint Aelred’s Priory and Retreat House (National Catholic) 670 Bunker Hill Road, Northville staelredpriory@aol.com (518) 863-8086 / (518) 434-8861 St. Andrews Episcopal Church Main at Madison Avenue, Albany www.standrewsalbany.org (518)489-4747 St. John’s Lutheran Church 160 Central Avenue, Albany www.stjohnsalbany.org (518)465-7545 Temple Israel 600 New Scotland Avenue, Albany www.tialbany.org (518) 438-7858 Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Saratoga 624 North Broadway, Saratoga Springs www.saratoga-uu.org (518)584-1555 Unity Church in Albany 21 King Avenue, Albany www.unitychurchinalbany.org (518)4533603 Woodstock Jewish Congregation (Reconstructionist) 1682 Glasco Turnpike, Woodstock www.wjcshul.org (845)246-1671

Proud To Be Open!

Affirming!

Welcoming!

Joyous!

EVENTS THINGS TO DO CONTESTS

LGBTQ+

First United Presbyterian Church Dedicated to inclusiveness & social justice

You are welcome!

Check us out on: www.facebook.com/fupc.Troy Holy Week & Easter Services schedule at: www.unitedprestroy.org

Guide to the Capital Region

1915 Fifth Ave., Troy 12180 (272-2771)

DINING NIGHTLIFE DIRECTORY & MORE!

commUNITY MAR-APR 2016

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These Presbyterian Churches Welcome You Where you can find a place ~ come as you are!

Albany First Presbyterian State & Willett Streets www.firstpresalbany.org Sunday Worship 8:30 am & 10:45 am

Hudson First Presbyterian Church 369 Warren Street FirstPresHudson.org Sunday Worship 10:45 am

Spencertown St. Peter’s Presbyterian Church 5219 County Route 7 SaintPetersPC.org Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Albany Westminster Presbyterian 262 State Street www.WPCalbany.org Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Hudson Falls First Presbyterian Church 5 River Street www.fpchudsonfalls.org Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Stephentown Stephentown Federated Church 1513 Garfield Road StephentownFederatedChurch.org Sunday Worship 9:30 am

Amsterdam United Presbyterian Church 25 Church Street www.upchurch25.org Sunday Worship 9:30 am

Putnam Station Putnam United Presbyterian Church 365 County Route 2 518-547-8378 Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Stillwater Stillwater United Church 747 Hudson Avenue StillwaterUnitedChurch.org Sunday Worship 9:00 & 10:30 am

Colonie Roessleville Presbyterian Church Elmhurst and Central Avenue 518-459-2816 Sunday Worship 9:30 am

Rensselaer First Presbyterian Church 34 Broadway 518-463-0894 Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Troy (Lansingburgh) Cornerstone Community Church 570 3rd Avenue www.cornerstoneccl.org Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Delmar Delmar Presbyterian Church 585 Delaware Avenue www.delmarpres.org Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Rensselaerville Rensselaerville Presbyterian Church 1454 CR 351 rvillepres.org Sunday Worship 11:00 am (Summer Only)

Troy First United 1915 Fifth Avenue (downtown) www.UnitedPresTroy.org Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Glens Falls First Presbyterian Church 400 Glen Street

Saratoga Springs Presbyterian-New England Congregational 24 Circular Street www.pnecchurch.org Sunday Worship 10:45 am

Valatie First Presbyterian Church 3212 Church Street 518-758-9658 Sunday Worship 11:00 am

FPCgf.org

Sunday Worship 10:00 am Guilderland Hamilton Union Presbyterian Church 2291 Western Avenue

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Scotia-Glenville Trinity Presbyterian Church 185 Swaggertown Rd. HamiltonUnionPresbyterianChurch.org www.ScotiaTrinity.org Sunday Worship 8:30 am & 10:00 am Sunday Worship 10:00 am pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

West Charlton West Charlton United Presbyterian 1331 Sacandaga Road www.westcharltonUPC.org Sunday Worship 10:30 am

THE FASHIONABLE AND THE FRIVOLOUS There’s a classic fashion adage that’s informed some of our lives more than others: you are what you wear. In terms of identity, that’s a dangerous one to try on, much less to pull off. Placing one’s worth and value in a coat or pair of shoes, giving away a sense of self to an inanimate object, or allowing a piece of fabric to speak your mind – these are perilous risks to take in treacherous times. In our final estimation, we will not be a label or a dress size, so why should we be such at any point?

Perhaps you’re thinking that this goes against the entire premise of this column, which is, admittedly, a celebration of all things fashionable and frivolous. Yet as much as I celebrate fashion, as much as I enjoy a proper top-coat and briefcase, I’ve never let it define my identity. Many others have, and if that’s all the world sees in me, so be it, but it’s what I think and know that truly matters.

Sometimes, though, I fall into label whoredom, turning my nose up at one thing and idiotically celebrating another, all because of whose name and fashion house it falls under. It happened recently as I was sampling cologne in New York. I came upon a small black bottle labeled ‘Perfume 11’ by BLK DNM. I didn’t know the brand or the label, but I loved its peppery, wood-based notes.

The store clerk said she loved that one, then whispered conspiratorially, “It’s not known by many, but this cologne is actually produced by the Levi company.”

a e s n e def

y t i t n e d i f o I looked at her with the expected expression of incredulity that she seemed to be seeking. My friend Chris also searched my face for a reaction. I stepped into the role the world had crafted for me and exclaimed, “I can’t wear that! What am I going to tell people, that I’m wearing a cologne by Levi’s?!”

The sales clerk chuckled, satisfied at the shared horror of it all, and Chris walked away unamused. I brought my wrist to my nose and inhaled the lovely fragrance, sadly relegating it to unpurchased status.

A few days passed. I thought of the

BY ALAN BENNET ILAGAN

fragrance fondly, remembering its smoky base, its bright black pepper notes, its haunting hat-trick of lingering yet remaining clean and crisp. I’d put it back on its shelf, ashamed of how someone might react to me wearing something by Levi’s, as if anyone would care or even notice. When Chris was in town again, I asked him to purchase a bottle. I suddenly remembered who I was, and it wasn’t someone defined by names or labels or popularity.

It wasn’t a person bound to Tom Ford or Frederic Malle or any other high-priced fragrance conjuror. It was a guy who liked what he liked regardless of price or prestige or exclusivity. It was a guy who didn’t care what he wore or what he looked like, as long as he was happy.

In our final estimation we will not be a label or a dress size Alan Bennett Ilagan is a freelance writer and amateur photographer who resides in upstate New York with his husband Andy. He created the website www.ALANILAGAN. com, which contains a repository of his work, as well as a daily blog; the website recently celebrated its tenth anniversary online. He was the manager of the Romaine Brooks Gallery from 2008 to 2012. His writing has appeared in Instinct, xy magazine, Capitalmen, Q Northeast, the Windy City Times, and the Boston Phoenix. Notable artistic collaborations have been created with the likes of Steven Underhill, Paul Richmond, Dennis Dean, and Michael Breyette.

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FEMINISM RESOURCES

Books, Articles, and More

Blogs and Articles: http://juliaserano.blogspot.com/ http://everydayfeminism.com http://intersectionalfeminism101.tumblr. com/ http://blackgirldangerous.tumblr.com/ http://www.bustle.com/articles/1206847-things-feminists-of-color-want-whitefeminists-to-know http://www.bustle.com/articles/1072778-feminist-women-of-color-who-are-stillfighting-the-good-fight-for-equality

Books: Excluded: Making Feminist and Queer Movements More Inclusive by: Julia Serano Women in the Arab World by: Nawal El Saadawi Feminist Theory: From Margin to Center by: bell hooks Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic

by Alison Bechdel

ORGANIZATIONS

INCITE! www.incite-national.org National Organization for Women: www.now.org 30 |

pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

HERE’S GUFFMAN

BY PATRICK WHITE

the play that changed my life When even our favoured candidates can’t or won’t muster more support for the arts than a feeble response to maintain arts education in our schools, I find it incredibly helpful and necessary to ask those I admire and emulate what got them started in their life in the theater. In short: What is the play that changed your life?

I was in college and everybody else in the house was asleep

I was flipping channels I came across something...

and and

“In 1978, at the ripe old age of 18, I drove 715 miles and went to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland, Oregon.

In seven days I saw many fine plays including Taming of the Shrew, Richard III, Timon of Athens, Tartuffe, The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man-in-theMoon Marigolds, Night of the Tribades, The Tempest, Private Lives, and Miss Julie. These plays were produced in three different theatres that were probably at that time the most state-of -theart technical venues in regional theatre and were directed by some of the finest Regional Theatre directors. But there was one additional play I saw that trip that changed my life forever. That play was Mother Courage and her Children.

This play was everything I was not used to seeing in plays: A story of a deeply flawed woman in an episodic format covering 12 years who foolishly assists in destroying her children’s lives one by one and then has to live on with her own life and with her self-made pain. This was not happily ever after storytelling. From then on I started to be on the lookout to see and read all kinds of theatre not just plays I had heard about but to take chances on seeing and reading everything including unusual and the uncomfortable topics. It is still my favorite kind of play to see today.”

-Chris Foster, Actor/Director

“I was in college and everybody else in the house was asleep and I was flipping channels and I came across something...it was Mandy Patinkin and listening to like two seconds of it was enough to keep me riveted for the rest of the piece. And I was just...What is this? I’d never seen anything like this before. I hadn’t watched musicals since I was a baby. I mean I was totally ingrained. I watched West Side Story, I was maybe 7 or 8 years old on a tiny black and white television in my house in Brooklyn and I cried thru the whole ending and I think that my father who came in and found me crying thru the ending-he didn’t turn it off and he was actually sort of proud that I got what was going on there and that was Sondheim and that was different. It was musical and it was different than anything else I’d seen. When I saw West Side when I was a kid, I remember thinking “Wow, this is something different.” and what do they have at their core? The lyrics of Stephen Sondheim and in Sunday’s case the music

by Stephen Sondheim. That made me think of musical theatre as something way more substantive than I did before.

I know Hammerstein is the guy who took musicals from the realm of the fluffy to the story. He dealt with misogyny, he dealt with racism, so there was a lot of heavy stuff. This was different. This was social and more cerebral. It was just something that made me think-you can tell a whole different kind of story in a whole different kind of way. I know a lot of people have a problem with the second act of that show but I love everything about that show. I love that it talks about the life of the artist, the sort of interior, cerebral world. I just thought it was just beautiful. That’s it. That’s my story, I’m sticking to it!”

-Mary Darcy, Actor/Journalist (All Over Albany)

“I was not a ‘theatre’ kid. I never dreamed of being in a play; the idea of auditioning made my blood run cold -- and in our household, theatre-going was not in the cards. With the encouragement of a student teacher in a drama class I had taken for an ‘easy A,’ I succumbed to her nagging and auditioned for Thorton Wilder’s, OUR TOWN. I was 17; my father had died two years earlier and when I spoke Emily’s words as she looked back on life from her own grave, I was no longer terrified to be on that stage. In that moment, I went to a place that released all the grief I had experienced.

‘Oh, Earth…Do human beings ever realize life while they live it – every, every moment?’ I got the part and waited for that moment to come at every performance; I felt that I had something to communicate, forging a bond between myself, the words and the audience. Let’s say: I was hooked! Shortly thereafter, I attended a production of Tennessee Williams’, THE NIGHT OF THE IGUANA with a school group lead by that same student teacher– and that sealed the pact I would forever have with the theatre.

The larger-than-life characters, the agony of Rev. Shannon, the wildness of the jungle and sweat that pulsed beneath the repressed sexuality pulled me into the story like only novels had done before. I felt part of the story and I loved it. And yes, it changed my life.”

- Maggie Mancinelli-Cahill, Artistic Director (Capital Repertory Theatre)

Patrick White is a Capital Region actor, director and teacher who is performing in Glengarry Glen Ross thru 3/19 and is directing Living on Love which runs April 1-30, both at Curtain Call Theatre. info@ actingclasswithpatrickwhite. com

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䐀䨀 猀攀爀瘀椀挀攀猀 搀漀渀愀琀攀搀 戀礀 匀攀愀渀 䴀挀䰀愀甀最栀氀椀渀 愀渀搀 刀礀愀渀 匀洀椀琀栀 漀昀 䠀漀洀漀刀愀搀椀漀 漀渀 圀刀倀䤀 㤀㄀⸀㔀 䘀䴀

䄀䰀䈀䄀一夀ᤠ匀 䜀䄀夀 䄀一䐀 匀吀刀䄀䤀䜀䠀吀ⴀ䘀刀䤀䔀一䐀䰀夀 䠀伀䌀䬀䔀夀 吀䔀䄀䴀 32 |

pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

Michael Cooks and You Can Too

BY MICHAEL MEADE

Spring Has Sprung It’s Spring, which means that very soon, the first produce of the season will be available and it will be time to start cooking and eating lighter, fresher fare.

Here are two salads to usher in Springtime: first, a dinner salad that pairs a juicy marinated skirt steak with arugula and citrus and then a side salad of baby lettuces accented with fresh herbs. And for dessert, a tangy, refreshing Key lime pie.

Skirt Steak Salad with Citrus and Arugula 1/4 cup soy sauce 1/4 cup orange juice

radishes and mix well. Mound on a platter. Cut the steak across the grain into slices 1/4 inch thick, arrange over the salad, and serve immediately.

Serves 4.

Baby Lettuce Salad with Spring Herbs

1/4 cup Champagne vinegar 1 & 1/2 tsp. fresh lemon juice 1 & 1/2 tsp. Dijon mustard 3/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper to taste

4 Tbs. lime juice

4 heads assorted baby lettuces (such as red leaf lettuce,

1 Tbs. fresh ginger, peeled and minced

Bibb lettuce or radicchio), leaves separated

2 garlic cloves, minced

3 large radishes, very thinly sliced

1/2 red chili paste 2 pounds skirt steak, about 1/2 inch thick

1/2 cup fresh herbs (such as parsley, chervil, dill and basil)

1 & 1/2 Tbs. Extra-virgin olive oil

2 Tbs. finely-chopped fresh chives

8 oz. baby arugula leaves

Whole grain crackers or flatbread

1 large navel orange, peeled and sliced crosswise

In a small bowl, whisk together the vinegar, lemon juice and Dijon mustard.

Slowly whisk in the olive oil and season with salt and pepper.

5 radishes, trimmed and sliced

In a sealable plastic bag, combine the soy sauce, orange juice, 1 Tbs. of the lime juice, the ginger, garlic and chili paste. Add the steak, shake to mix the marinade and coat the steak, and refrigerate for 8 to 24 hours.

Prepare a charcoal or gas grill for direct-heat cooking over high heat.

Oil the grill rack. Remove the steak from the bag and discard the marinade.

Grill the steak, turning once, for 4 to 6 minutes total for medium-rare.

Transfer to a platter and let stand for 10 minutes.

In a large bowl, whisk together the remaining 3 Tbs. lime juice and the oil. Add the arugula, orange slices and

In a large bowl, toss the baby lettuces, radishes, herbs and enough vinaigrette to lightly coat. Sprinkle with the chives and serve with crackers or flatbread.

Serves 4 to 6.

Key Lime Pie (Crust) 10oz. gingersnaps 5 tbs. butter, melted 2 Tbs. sugar 1/2 tsp. salt (Filling) 2 egg yolks 1 can (14 0z.) sweetened condensed milk 2 tsp. grated lime zest

1/2 cup lime juice 2 cups heavy cream 1 tsp. vanilla extract 1/4 cup sugar 4 green onions, finely chopped, trimmings reserved

Preheat oven to 350°F. To make the crust, in a food processor, process the gingersnaps until fine crumbs form. Add the butter, granulated sugar and salt and pulse until moistened. Press the mixture firmly into the bottom and up the sides of a 9-inch pie dish. Place on a baking sheet and bake until the edges are dry and set (about 5 to 7 minutes). The bottom will still be moist and soft but will firm up as the crust cools. Transfer to a wire rack and let cool completely.

Using an electric mixer, in a bowl, beat the egg yolks on medium speed until blended. Add the condensed milk, lime zest and lime juice and continue beating until well blended. Pour the filling into the cooled crust and bake at 350°F until the edges of the pie are set but the center still jiggles slightly (about 15 to 20 minutes). Transfer the pie to a wire rack and let cool completely. Refrigerate the pie for at least 2 hours or up to overnight to allow it to set.

When ready to serve the pie, combine the cream and vanilla in the bowl of an electric mixer. With the mixer set on low speed, slowly add the sugar while beating, gradually increasing the speed as the mixture thickens. Continue to beat until soft peaks form, about 2 minutes total.

To serve the pie, cut into 8 slices and garnish each slice with a heaping spoonful of the whipped cream. Serves 8.

Michael Meade graduated from the Culinary Institute of America in Hyde Park, New York, worked at Jack’s Oyster House in Albany and is currently souschef at Thunder Mountain Curry in Troy. Questions & comments are welcome at Michaelmeade1215@yahoo. com

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WEEKLY events SUNDAYS

TUESDAYS

WEDNESDAYS

EVERY SUNDAY OF THE MONTH

FIRST TUESDAY OF THE MONTH

FIRST WEDNESDAY OF THE MONTH

LGBTQ Alcoholics Anonymous†** 7:00–8:30 PM in the Garden Level

Saratoga LGBTQA Youth Group (ages 18 & under) 4:30–6:00 PM Saratoga Springs Library, Susman Room 49 Henry St., Saratoga Springs

Vintage Pride Sober Happy Hour 4:30–6:00 PM on the 1st Floor

Trans* Pride Discussion Group 7:00–9:00 PM on the 1st Floor

Women’s Pride 6:00–7:00 PM: social hour 7:00–8:00 PM: discussion on the 1st Floor

SECOND SUNDAY OF THE MONTH

LGBTQ Support Group 3:00–4:30 PM Saratoga Springs Library, 49 Henry St., Saratoga Springs More info:Caroline Russell Smith 518.857.9361 Sponsored by Saratoga Pride and The Pride Center of the Capital Region

Movie Night 6:00PM in the Rainbow Cafe THIRD SUNDAY OF THE MONTH

Vintage Pride Potluck Lunch 1:00–3:00 PM First Presbyterian Church, 362 State St., Albany

SECOND TUESDAY OF THE MONTH

T-Talk: Trans* & Gender Non-Confroming Youth Group (ages 18 & under) 6:00–8:00 PM on the 1st Floor Capital Region Support Group for Family & Friends of LGBTQ People 7:00 PM First Unitarian Society of Schenectady 1221 Wendel Ave., Schenectady More info: Deborah Kenyon, deborahkenyon2@gmail.com 518-584-4774 (C), 518-695-4117 (H)

LAST SUNDAY OF THE MONTH

Supper Sunday 5:00–9:00 PM on the 1st Floor

MONDAYS EVERY MONDAY OF THE MONTH

Men’s Pride 7:00–8:30 PM 1st, 3rd & 5th Mondays – Discussion 2nd & 4th Mondays – Social in the Garden Level

THIRD TUESDAY OF THE MONTH

Saratoga LGBTQA Youth Group (ages 18 & under) 4:30–6:00 PM Saratoga Springs Library, Susman Room 49 Henry St., Saratoga Springs Trans* Pride Meet & Greet 7:00–9:00 PM on the 1st Floor FOURTH TUESDAY OF THE MONTH

T-Talk: Trans* & Gender Non-Confroming Youth Group (ages 18 & under) 6:00–8:00 PM on the 1st Floor

†Anonymous meetings held at the Pride Center are non-affiliated, independent groups **indicates an outside group that meets at the Pride Center

Except where noted all events take place at The Pride Center, 332 Hudson Ave, Albany, NY 12210 The Garden Level is wheelchair accessible. Enter from the street through the door beneath the front steps.

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SECOND WEDNESDAY OF THE MONTH

Live from the Livingroom Poetry Open Mic** 7:00 PM in the Garden Level FOURTH WEDNESDAY OF THE MONTH

Women’s Pride 6:00–7:00 PM: social hour 7:00–8:00 PM: discussion on the 1st Floor

THURSDAYS EVERY THURSDAY OF THE MONTH

Schenectady LGBTQA Youth Group (ages 18 & under) 6:00–7:30 PM Proctor’s Theater, Underground Space 432 State St., Schenectady LGBTQ Narcotics Anonymous†** 7:30–8:30 PM in the Garden Level

FRIDAYS EVERY FRIDAY OF THE MONTH

Drop-in Rapid HIV Testing 10:00 AM–8:30 PM walk in Appointments also available by calling (518) 462-6138

AYO! Youth Drop in Space (ages 18 & under) 3:00–9:00 PM on 1st Floor & in the Garden Level (Garden Level only on 1st Fridays) Albany LGBTQA Youth Group (ages 18 & under) 7:00–8:30 PM in the Garden Level FIRST FRIDAY ALBANY

Special Artist Reception and Opening in the Romaine Brooks Gallery 5:00–9:00 PM on the 1st Floor Check out the artists at www.capitalpridecenter.org/RBG

SPECIAL events MARCH WEDNESDAY, MARCH 9

Annual Meeting and Donor Reception 5:30–8:00 PM Renaissance Albany, 144 State St., Albany, 12207 Free Please join the Pride Center staff and Board of Directors as we highlight our impact in 2015, preview the amazing events and programs we have in store for 2016, and celebrate our donors and sponsors who helped make our past year a success. Complimentary hors d’oevres and soft drinks will be served alongside cash bar. Please RSVP by email to RSVP@ capitalpridecenter.org by March 1st, 2016. Contact Mark Vogel at (518) 462-6138 or mvogel@capitalpridecenter.org with questions.

FRIDAY, MARCH 11

Frostbite Ball 5:30–8:00 PM Albany Barn, 56 Second St., Albany, 12210 $7.00 The FROSTBITE BALL is a dance party for LGBTQA+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, asexual, and allied) youth! AGES 18 & UNDER . We’ll have refreshments, snacks, giveaways, and more! We’ll also be offering free, rapid HIV testing for folks. It’s confidential, LGBTQA+ friendly.

Contact James Shultis for more information (518) 462-6138 or jshultis@capitalpridecenter.org THIS IS A SAFE, INCLUSIVE SPACE.

AFFILIATE events AGMC Rehearsals The Albany Gay Men’s Chorus' Spring rehearsals will be held on Wednesdays, 6:45-9:00 PM. Please join them at the First Lutheran Church of Albany (181 Western Ave, Albany, NY).

Movie Night Second Tuesday of Each Month We will begin at 5 PM at Harvey’s Pub, 14 Phila Street Saratoga Springs. From there, we can decide who wants to see what movies and leave accordingly for Bowtie Cinemas.

Lesbian Networking Breakfast We meet on the third Thursday of each month, at the Country Corner Café on Church Street in the upstairs dining room at 7:30 AM. Latecomers are welcome.

Monthly LGBTQ Support Group Second Sunday of the Month 3:00 – 4:30 PM Contact Caroline for meeting locations and more information Contact Caroline with questions: 518.857.9361 sponsored by Saratoga Pride & the Pride Center of the Capital Region

APRIL WEDNESDAY, APRIL 20

Youth Scholarship Reception & Celebration!

5:30-8:30 PM Glen Sanders Mansion, 21 Glen Ave., Scotia 12302 Join us for a very special evening where we will proudly award this year’s Pride Center’s Youth Scholarship, David, Gladys, & Candace Groudine Scholarship, and Gregg Stein Scholarship and celebrate the many young people making a difference in the Capital Region.

MAY SUNDAY, MAY 15

Revel Pride Dance 4:00-8:00 PM Franklin Plaza, 4 4th St, Troy, NY 12180 Don’t miss this amazing Pride kick-off party. With 3 floors of fun, community, music and DJs, dancing, great food, and a few surprises this not to be missed event will be a highlight of your Pride celebtration!

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CommUNITY calendar SPORTS/ FUN & GAMES Annual Albany Bombers Blue/White Fundraiser Game Saturday, March 19, 7–9:30 PM Kinkerbacker Ice Arena, 103 8th Ave., Troy To benefit GLSEN - New York Capital Region Chapter!

There will be a public skate* from 5:30 pm to 6:30 pm, prior to the game; this is a chance to meet and skate with some of the Bombers players. There will be concessions, raffles, and some giveaways.

Last year was great fun and we had our biggest crowd ever; let’s see if we can up the attendance this year. Advance tickets are available at: http://www. hockeyfundraiser.org Tickets are $10 General Admission, $5 for Students w/ ID, and children 12 and under are free. *Note: ticket price includes skate rental for those who don’t have their own ice skates.

Gay Skate An open skate for the LGBTQ Community!

Tuesdays, 7–9:30 PM Rollarama Skating Center, 2710 Hamburg St., Schenectady $9.50 w. Skate Rental/$6.50 w. your own skates.

For more info contact David at DB40@aol.com or (518) 573-3962

Geek and Gaymer Night Thursdays, 9 PM Rocks, 77 Central Ave., Albany (518) 472-3588 Capital Area Pride Bowlers Sportsman Bowling Lanes 1652 Crane St., Schenectady.

Open to all.

More info: Dimas (518) 894-1083

KARAOKE Waterworks Pub Mondays, 10 PM–2 AM 76 Central Ave., Albany, (518) 465-9079 No Cover. (18+)

Oh Bar Thursdays, 10 PM–1 AM 304 Lark St., Albany, (518) 463-9004 No Cover. (21+) 36 |

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Waterworks Pub Fridays, 10 PM 76 Central Ave., Albany, (518) 465-9079 18+ (w. cover)

ROCKS Fridays, 9 PM–12 AM 77 Central Ave., Albany, (518) 472-3588 Circus Cafe Saturdays, 10 PM–2 AM 392 Broadway, Saratoga, (518) 5831106 (21+)

Center Square Pub Saturdays, 10 PM–2 AM 32 Dove St., Albany, (518) 729-2880 No Cover.

OPEN MIC/ LITERARY The Final Live from the Livingroom Wednesday March 9th The Pride Center, Garden Level 332 Hudson Ave, Albany, (518) 462-6138 Open Minded Mic & Talent Showcase (for all performers) Every 1st & 3rd Thursday Sign up 8:30 PM, Start 9:00 PM Rocks, 77 Central Ave., Albany (518) 472-3588 Variety Open Mic Sundays, 10:00 PM–12:00 AM Waterworks Pub, 76 Central Ave., Albany (518) 465-9079

SOCIAL/SUPPORT GROUPS Out of the Closet I Am (for women who have sex with women) 1st & 3rd Wednesdays, 6:30–8 PM In Our Own Voices, 245 Lark St., Albany, (518) 432-4188 Men’s Empowerment Group 1st & 3rd Thursdays, 6–7:30 PM In Our Own Voices, 245 Lark St., Albany, (518) 432-4188 Voices of Unity (for Transgender people of color) 2nd & 4th Wednesdays, 6–7:30 PM

In Our Own Voices, 245 Lark St., Albany, (518) 432-4188 YouthPride!

A student led meeting that centers around helping LGBTQ students and allied students discuss matters in our community, schools, and in their Gay Straight Alliances (GSAs) that they have in their schools.

Youth-Pride provides leadership development and an opportunity to help plan activities around GLSEN’s Days of Action and Days of Support.

1st Friday of the month, 6–9 PM Professor Java’s Coffee Sanctuary 217 Wolf Rd., Colonie Trans Partners Group:

Provides support for people to discuss and explore their relationships with trans-identified or gender nonconforming individuals. Open to people currently in partnerships with transpeople or people exploring their gender identities. Contact Faith Hoffman at faith@choicesconsulting.com for more information.

Monthly on Tuesdays at 5 PM Choices Counseling and Consulting 523 Western Ave. Suite 2A, Albany, NY 12203-1617, (518) 438-2222

TRIVIA Live Trivia with FriedaTuesdays, 8–10 PM ROCKS, 77 Central Ave., Albany (518) 472-3588

SPECIAL COMMUNITY EVENTS Open Call Talent Audtions for Say It Loud! Black and Latino Gay Pride.

March 4th & 30th / April 11th & 15th In Our Own Voices, 245 Lark St., Albany, (518) 432-4188

Be a part of the show at this year’s Say It Loud: Black & Latino Gay Pride! Open auditions and for all types of acts, everyone’s welcome! Auditons are only to screen for

Send the details of your event and a brief description to sminchin@ capitalpridecenter.org at least 6 weeks before your event. *event listings may be edited for space and content.

advertiser INDEX family appropriateness. Coaching is available. Contact Gabby at the number above or gsantos@inourownvoices.org for more information, questions and times.

Say It Loud! Black and Latino Gay Pride Meetings In Our Own Voices, 245 Lark St., Albany, (518) 432-4188 Get involved in the 10th annual Say It Loud celebration!

Meetings are on the following Thursdays- March 24th and April 14th at 6:00 PM (additional meetings to be announced).

Albany Bombers.................................................................. 32 Albany Gay Men’s Chorus..................................................20 Albany.com.......................................................................... 27 Buenau’s Opticians............................................................. 22 Choices Counseling & Consulting.....................................12 Copps DiPaola, PLLC......................................................... 22 First United Presbyterian Church......................................27 HomoRadio......................................................................... 26

6th NYS LGBTQ Families Conference March 18-20 multiple times The Holiday Inn-Downtown Binghamton, 2-8 Hawley St., Binghampton The event is intended to meet the needs of families with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer adult members. Families with and without children are welcome.

Allies and single LGBTQ adults are welcome. Extended family members are also welcome – grandparents, aunts, and uncles will all have a wonderful time!

In Our Own Voices............................................................. 35 Interim Healthcare.............................................................. 12 Jay Zhang Photography........................................................9 Jaye McBride, Comedian....................................................20 Joseph Roche, Accountant................................................29 Law Office of Geri Pomerantz..........................................20 Mark Witecki, CPA, CFP.................................................... 25 Mary Kay Cosmetics .............................................................9

Vince Sgambati, Syracuse-based writer, retired teacher and gay dad, will present the keynote address on “LGBTQ Families in Transition.” Adult workshops will be held on legal issues, schools, adoption and foster care, kids with special needs, transgender experience, LGBT mental health, gay dads, and talking to teens about sex. Childcare and Camp Highlight programs will be provided for children three years and older.

A teen panel will give youth with LGBTQ parents a chance to speak out. Inter-generational activities, a family dance party and a resource/vendor fair will also be provided. A Pre-Conference Professional Development Workshop, “Providing Welcoming and Affirming Care for Transgender People,” will be offered Friday, March 18th. These programs are cosponsored by the Lesbian and Gay Family Building Project, the Binghamton University Women, Gender, Sexuality Studies Program, Camp Highlight, Family Equality Council and others.

Presbyterian Rainbow........................................................28

For more information, go to www.binghamton.edu/prideandjoyfamilies/ or on Facebook at LGBTFamCon.

Welcoming Congregations................................................27

Project Hope.......................................................................14 Queer Engineer................................................................... 20 Riverstone Consulting.......................................................... 9 Ronnie Mangione, Financial Advisor.................................12 Saratoga Pride.................................................................... 20 Security Supply/Bath Expressions Showroom...................9 Skylands Services............................................................... 12 Tri City Rentals................................................................... 40 Upstate Concert Hall.......................................................... 39 Warner & Warner Attorneys at Law.................................22

Spring LGBT Q Dance Saturday, April 16 7:00-11:30 PM Colonie Elks Lodge, 11 Elks Ln., Colonie, 12110 Special Guest Performance By Our Friend & Singer Maureen DeLuke who will be singing ballads. 50/50 Donation For THE DANA FARBER CANCER INSTITUTE.Eclectic Songs (www. eclecticsongs.com/518-883-3911) Will Be Spinning Your Favorite Dance Hits From The Oldies To The Latest Top 40 Dance Hits. Please Email <eclecticsongs@yahoo.com> Any Special Song Requests! I Will Be Taking Requests At The Dance As Well As Providing Dance Videos. The Bar Will Be Open The Entire Dance! PLENTY OF SAFE PARKING!! PLEASE SPREAD THE WORD AND INVITE ALL YOUR FRIENDS—–ALL ARE WELCOME TO ATTEND! COVER-$8.00

In 2015, 20,000 copies of CommUNITY Magazine were distributed to public locations throughout the region and 60,000 copies were delivered directly to our subscribers

For more information contact Steven @ (518) 462-6138 or sminchin@capitalpridecenter.org commUNITY MAR-APR 2016

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pride center PROGRAMS Center Youth

Trans Pride

Support, outreach & advocacy for LGBTQA youth ages 18 and under.

Programs include regional groups, Albany Youth Organizing! (AYO!) Drop in Space, HIV testing, the Center Youth Action Team, opportunities with legislators, and annual events.

We support schools in 11 counties by providing training for staff and students on how to support LGBTQA youth.

Promoting the wellbeing of transgender and gender non-conforming communities in a safe, empowering space through social opportunities, community building, peer support, resource sharing and advocacy.

Training & Education Services

Your Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Community Center since 1970

Creating safer spaces and services for LGBTQ people in the Capital Region by offering comprehensive, high quality, customized trainings for mental health and medical providers, colleges, businesses, organizations, and any entity seeking to improve services for LGBTQ individuals and communities.

Center Families Helping LGBTQ headed families in the Capital Region achieve their goals of building and sustaining happy and healthy families through providing ongoing social and community building opportunities.

Center Support Offering low-cost counseling, and peer support groups such as Men’s Group, Women’s Group, and Family and Friends of LGBTQ people. Also providing comprehensive and culturally specific referrals for LGBTQ individuals.

Rainbow Café has been open since 1971 and is an open community space for recurring events such as Game Nights & Supper Sunday.

Vintage Pride Connecting LGBTQ older adults to each other and to the broader community with monthly social gatherings, special events, educational and leadership opportunities, and celebrating their resilience and community contributions.

Business Alliance Business Alliance members gain exclusive visibility, ways to leverage customer allegiance & access to a dedicated consumer base. Monthly Mixers to meet up with friends, distribute business cards, and make important business contacts.

Capital PRIDE As the producer of the largest annual Capital Pride celebration in Upstate NY, the Pride Center brings a record breaking 30,000 festival and parade attendees, and 35,000 people celebrating throughout PRIDE week each year.

CommUNITY Magazine The Pride Center’s bi-monthly publication highlights & informs the larger Capital Region on local LGBTQ news and events as well as supports other LGBTQ organizations. We reach over 3,000 avid readers per month.

Center Arts

BUILDING pride

ENGAGING community EMPOWERING lives

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Our Romaine Brooks Gallery is a creative space and outlet for LGBTQ artists and themed work. LGBTQ Book Club also meets monthly to discuss works written

by LGBTQ authors.

THE PRIDE CENTER’S SERVICE AREA

Albany, Schenectady, Rensselaer, Saratoga, Warren, Washington, Columbia, Greene, Fulton, and Montgomery counties

Cardiknox

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NON-PROFIT US POSTAGE

PAID

PERMIT #798 ALBANY, NY

332 Hudson Avenue Albany, NY 12210

BUILDING pride

ENGAGING community EMPOWERING lives

Distinguished Living...Successful Living...Gay Living Tri City Rentals is a Proud Supporter of the LGBT Community

Visit one of our 24 Fine Capital District Apartment Communities

www.TriCityRentals.com 40 |

pridecenter OF THE CAPITAL REGION

518.862.6600