CommUNITY Magazine (vol 3 iss 2 ) LQBTQ Health & New Leadership

l hcare Healt nee d s + Latino Diversity

l hcare lt l hc Heaare Healt + ds + nee d snee Latino Latino sityersity Div ner Div

Health Disparities

Healt l h Hep C l hHealt DisparDiitsip ea srities

Pla to End AIDS by 2020

Heallthcare Barriers Hep C

Hep C

Plan Plan d End to Ento byIDS by AIDS A 2020 2020

Hear Heallthc allethcare BarrieBa rsrriers

MARCH 12-13, 2015 MARCH 12-13, 2015 ALBANY, Y NEW YO Y RK ALBANY, NY

IDENTIFYING & ADDRESSING HEALTH DISPARITIES AMONG LATINOS IN NEW YORK STATE

Reunion Latina provides an opportunity to bring experiences together in oneIDENTIFYING powerful forum. The trainings HEALTH and & workshops, ADDRESSING panel discussions highlight critical issues and provide an space to brainstorm solutions. AMONG LATINOS IN NEW YORK

DISPARITIES STATE

Reunion Latina provides an opportunity to bring experiences together in one powerful forum.

2015 2015 MARCHMARCH 12-13 12-13

AtIDENTIFYING Reunion Latina participants will have an opportunity to:critical issues and provide , to , an space IDENTIFYING & ADDRESSING HEALTH DISPARITIES The workshops, trainings and panel discussions highlight &2015, ADDRESSING HEALTH DISPARITIES AMONG LATINOS IN NEW YORK STATE LATINOS IN NEW YORK STATE brainstorm solutions.

Participants will Epidemic have an opportunity The Plan to End the AIDS by 2020, andto understand The Plan to End the AIDS •AMONG Understand examine by the2020 implementation and discusschallenges. the healthcare needs and diversity of Latinos in New York State.

Epidemic

ALBANY, Y RK ALBANY, Y NEWYYO YNEW RK YO

Reunion Latinaanprovides an opportunity to bring experiences Reunion Latina provides opportunity to bring experiences together in one powerful forum.

The workshops, together in one powerful forum.

The workshops, trainings andtrainings • Understand the Healthcare Needs and Diversity of Latinos in and discussions highlight critical issues and provide an space panel discussions highlight critical issues and provide an space New Yorkpanel State. to solutions. brainstorm solutions. to brainstorm

WELCOMING PARTICIPANTS FROM ALBANY/CAPITAL DISTRICT

At Reunion 2015, participants have an to: opportunity to: At Reunion Latina 2015,Latina participants will have an will opportunity

The the PlanAIDS to End the AIDS • Understand The Plan to End Epidemic

by Epidemic 2020, andby 2020, and • Understand the implementation examine theexamine implementation challenges. challenges.

Registration &•Sponsorship Opportunities: (646)and 375-4446 Understand the Needs Healthcare Needs Diversityinof Latinos in • Understand the Healthcare and Diversity of Latinos New York State.

New York State. l www.latinoaids.org/reunionlatina dleyva@latinoaids.org

FEATURES Celebrate 45 Years as the Community’s Center with a look back at the Kickoff Reception:

Pictures from the 45th Anniversary Kickoff Reception pg. 5 50 Ideas for Self-Care

pg. 15

MENTAL HEALTH: HOW TO HEAL THE QUEER SOUL

BY ARLENE LEV The healing of the queer soul is a process of coming home to ourselves. Recognizing our own human suffering – anxiety, depression, addiction – and committing ourselves to the hero’s journey of finding solutions that work for us

pg. 16

Home Healthcare

pg. 18

Meet 6 of the New Leaders in our Community

The Pride Center seats a new board

and welcomes 6 new leaders to it. pg. 22 A Letter from the New President pg. 23

On the Cover (l to r): Board Secretary Gretchel Hathaway, President Pat Wood, Vice President Jeff Baltes, and Treasurer Jeffrey Dyber Cover photographs and opposite page © Jay Zhang / Jay Zhang Photography

4

March 2015 Volume 3, Issue 2 CONTENTS

COLUMNS The Fashionable and the Frivolous Trapped Like the Devil by Alan Bennet Ilagan pg. 10 Gay Man’s Musings Letters to a Fabulous 8 Year Old... by Nyvek Moshier pg. 12 To Be a Blessing Reclaiming God, Faith& Community by Deborah Reyome pg. 17 Trans View Who’s in the Circle? by Moonhawk Riverstone pg. 20 Ask the Lawyer Protecting Parent Child Relationships by Geri Pomerantz pg. 26 Ask Mark Your Tax Questions by Mark D. Witecki pg. 24 Michael Cooks and You Can Too Happy St. Patrick’s Day by Michael Meade pg. 29 Out in the Garden How Sweet It Is

by

Here’s Guffman “Waiting” in Albany

by

Judith Fetterley pg. 31 Patrick White pg. 32

Vintage Pride: Who We Are The Many Aspects of Joe:: Reminiscing Joe Norton by Chuck Zimmerman pg. 38

NEWS,UPDATES & INFORMATION

Director’s Note pg. 7 From the Editor’s Desk pg. 7 Quick Clips pg. 9 The Pride Center is No Longer Offering Case Management Services pg. 23 Affiliates Calendar Advertisers Index Weekly Events Calendar Special Events Calendar CommUNITY Calendar

pg. 25 pg. 30 pg. 34 pg. 35 pg. 36

45th Anniversary Kickoff Reception

5

On February 5th, at the gorgeous Linda Norris Auditorium in the heart of Albany, the Pride Center of the Capital Region kicked off its 45th anniversary celebration with over 100 community members, notable elected officials like Albany Mayor Kathy Sheehan, Albany County Executive Dan McCoy, Assemblyman John McDonald, Common Councilwomen Dorcey Applyrs and former Assemblyman Ron Canestrari, and our honorary co-chairs Gloria DeSole, Norman Rea and University at Albany President Robert Jones. The evening was filled with smiles, laughter and some tears as we looked back over 45 years and celebrated our victories, rejoiced in our accomplishments and remembered those we have lost that made the Center what it is today. photographs: Jay Zhang Photography

6

45th Anniversary Kickoff Reception

and transform our community. And without the courage and vision of the many early members, we wouldn’t have had the political presence at the capitol that has been vital to our many victories since then.

DIRECTOR’S NOTE As we are celebrating our 45th anniversary as the community’s center, it is important to take pause and acknowledge the significance of the moment.

It is equally important for me to thank you, who have been an integral part of the Pride Center and our local LGBTQ community. Today, in 2015, the landscape of 1970 seems unimaginable. It was a time that homosexuality was a mental diagnosis. When some of our founders Ron Alheim and Ernie Reaugh could only post flyers at midnight when they wouldn’t be assaulted and the flyers wouldn’t be defaced. Joe Norton fought hard to get the Center’s name in the phonebook- to even publish the word gay was a fight - but he knew it would save lives

FROM THE EDITOR’S DESK by

M i c h a e l We idr ic h

In preparation for a recent interview I was in on Homo Radio, I was asked “How long have you been involved with the Center?”. I had to think for a moment and count back

We are at an amazing point in our community’s history. We have generations in our community that are straddling a vast difference in what life as an LGBTQ person looks like.

We have people in our programs who lived through McCarthyism, and who remember the days of electroshock therapy as treatment for being gay. We have young people in our community who will not remember life with DOMA or even know what SONDA is. When our founders were teenagers, our current reality was a wild fantasy.

Our advancements have been remarkable, and we certainly do have a lot to celebrate as an organization and as a community.

But it also presents some interesting challenges. As many of us reach unprecedented levels of acceptance, we all have to continue to work towards equality for our entire community. This means our allies speaking up as often

the years. It feels like I’ve always been affiliated with the Center from a volunteer, to a Board member, now as a Staff member. It dawned on me that I’m going on my 10th year! In that time, I have worked with 3 Executive Directors (Keith Hornbrook, Nora Yates and now Curran Streett), 6 Board Presidents (Mike Mcardle, Paul Leyden, Judy Disco, Gwen Wright, Ken Mortensen, and now Pat Wood) and several other Board members and staff.

And as we now welcome 6 new Board members during this anniversary year, I’ve become very conscious of us be-

and vocally as possible. This means LGBTQ people banding together as a community - and operating as a community - outside of each letter of our acronym. Recommitting ourselves to our community and our cause because our work is far from over. Until our older adults can age with dignity, until our youth are not at an increased risk of homelessness, and until our trans community members are safe and affirmed in our society, and until people of color in our community can exist as their whole selves in all of our society, we all have to keep fighting, with the same voracity and tenaciousness that characterized some of our most fierce and bold founders.

The need for our community to be all in, to invest in our community, is as strong as ever, and in fact it is vital if we are to survive as a community, and for the Pride Center to last another 45 years. We have so much to be proud of, and so much more to do, I hope you will dig your heels in with me, and be ALL IN for our community.

Curran Streett, Executive Director

ing the current torch bearers of a proud legacy. We’ve looking back at old photos and video, we’ve seen the people that came before us that kept this Center running for 45 years. We’ve heard stories of what the Center means to so many people and how much it means to them and how it impacted their lives. By the end of the evening of our 45th kick-off, I felt the full weight of the enormous legacy we all proudly serve to maintain and hope to continue for another 45 years.

7

These Presbyterian Churches Welcome You Where you can find a place ~ come as you are!

Albany First Presbyterian 362 State Street (at Willett) www.firstpresalbany.org Sunday Worship 8:30 am & 10:45 am

Hudson Falls First Presbyterian Church 5 River Street www.fpchudsonfalls.org Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Stephentown Stephentown Federated Church 1513 Garfield Road StephentownFederatedChurch.org Sunday Worship 9:30 am

Albany Westminster Presbyterian 262 State Street / 85 Chestnut Street www.WPCalbany.org Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Putnam Station Putnam United Presbyterian Church 365 County Route 2 518-547-8378 Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Stillwater Stillwater United Church 747 Hudson Avenue StillwaterUnitedChurch.org Sunday Worship 9:00 & 10:30 am

Amsterdam United Presbyterian Church 25 Church Street www.upchurch25.org Sunday Worship 9:30 am

Rensselaerville Rensselaerville Presbyterian Church Main Street at Methodist Hill Road rvillepres.org Sunday Worship 11:00 am (Summer Only)

Troy (Lansingburgh) Cornerstone Community Church 570 3rd Avenue www.cornerstoneccl.org Sunday Worship 10:30 am

Colonie Roessleville Presbyterian Church Elmhurst and Central Avenue 518-459-2816 Sunday Worship 9:30 am

Saratoga Springs Presbyterian-New England Congregational 24 Circular Street www.pnecchurch.org Sunday Worship 10:45 am

Troy First United 1915 Fifth Avenue (downtown) www.UnitedPresTroy.org Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Delmar Delmar Presbyterian Church 585 Delaware Avenue www.delmarpres.org Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Schenectady Union Presbyterian Church 8 North Church Street www.UnionPres.org Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Valatie First Presbyterian Church 3212 Church Street 518-758-9658 Sunday Worship 11:00 am

Guilderland Hamilton Union Presbyterian Church 2291 Western Avenue

Scotia-Glenville Trinity Presbyterian Church 185 Swaggertown Rd. HamiltonUnionPresbyterianChurch.org www.ScotiaTrinity.org Sunday Worship 8:30 am & 10:00 am Sunday Worship 10:00 am

Hudson First Presbyterian Church 369 Warren Street FirstPresHudson.org Sunday Worship 10:45 am

Spencertown St. Peter’s Presbyterian Church 5219 County Route 7 SaintPetersPC.org Sunday Worship 10:00 am

West Charlton West Charlton United Presbyterian 1331 Sacandaga Road www.westcharltonUPC.org Sunday Worship 10:30 am

More information at www.presrainbow.org

age ad for March 2015 CommUnity For any questions regarding this ad, please contact Judy Moyer (518) 283-7663 or Moyer.Judith@gmail.com.

Presbyterian Rainbow contract(?) for 2015

We are all God’s children ~ Come as you are!

8

The Pride Center is no longer offering case management services.

During the 2 years that the Pride Center offered Case Management Services we learned a lot about what groups in our community are most in need of support and services.

QUICK CLIPS

If you or someone you know is in need of Case Management contact In Our Own Voices or Be Clear at the numbers below.

Here’s a brief look back at those most served...

Take care of yourself

(There are 50 ideas on how to on pg 15)

% of clients identified as people of color

% of clients identified as living in poverty

You can heal your queer soul (find out how on pg. 16)

% of clients identified along the Trans* spectrum

All LGBTQ folks seeking

assistance with goal setting and finding LGBTQ friendly providers can also contact Alyssa Hackett at the Alliance for Positive Health: ahackett@alliancefph.org; If you are Trans* (518) 434-4686 identified, and in need of Case Management support, please contact

Gabby Santos at In Our Own Voices: gsantos@inourownvoices.org, (518) 432-4188

Spring is coming and before you know it you’ll be out in the garden!

(Get some help on making it the best season yet on pg. 31)

FIND SOMETHING TO DO IN OUR COMMUNITY (Expanded calendars begin on pg. 34)

STAY IN TOUCH! EMAIL USmweidrich@capitalpridecenter.org

(be sure to include your name and a phone #)

9

THE FASHIONABLE AND THE FRIVOLOUS by ALAN BENNET ILAGAN

Lifestyle Photography is... Your Everyday, Your Important Moments, Your Once In A Lifetimes, Your Loved Ones.

Lifestyle Photography for a Lifetime of Moments

www.Facebook.com/ZhangPhotography www.JayZhangPhotography.com JZPhotographicServices@gmail.com

TRAPPED LIKE THE DEVIL

that you looked extra-slim in a black turtleneck, and before you realize it your closet is filled with the basic one-note palette. Maybe your college crush admired your cashmere cable knit sweater and now your dresser is stacked with cashmere softness in every shade and hue. Perhaps your best friend, normally reluctant to give praise of any kind, mentioned that she loved your navy pea coat and you end up wearing it year round until one day it all but disintegrates in a sad heap of wear and tear.

She sits in the back seat of a Mercedes Benz S550. The skyscrapers of New York reflect in the windows, looking like a cage, imprisoning their pretty prey. Inside, fashionable and feared Miranda Priestley looks out at the young woman who’s just left her employment, and gives the slightest of smiles.

She watches the woman walking freely along the crowded streets, then impatiently directs her driver to go before putting her sunglasses on and barricading herself against the world.

There’s a fine line between signature style and stagnation, and too often we allow laziness to substitute for a trademark look.

It’s always safer to embrace the tried and true rather than the experimental and different, and on certain days, when I’m feeling fragile or simply unsure of myself, I’ll revert to wearing what I feel works best.

It’s easier that way.

In this final scene of ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ we witness an interesting role-reversal in that the woman who already seems to have it all is the one who’s trapped – by her image, by her power, by her veneer of polished perfection.

That moment, save for the all-too-brief and elusive smile, has always terrified me. The idea of being trapped and caught is torturous to many of us, yet how often it happens without us even realizing it.

We get comfortable.

We get stagnant. We get stuck. In its most flagrant form, it exhibits itself through our clothing – we favor a certain style, or a certain color, and suddenly it’s our signature thing. Maybe someone once told you

10

But on those days when I’m feeling good, when I’m feeling adventurous and confident, I like to break out of my comfort zone. It’s good to periodically jolt the status quo, to surprise the universe that wants only to peg us down with labels and categories. The world is always going to want to put you into a box and keep you there, and the day you try to break free is the day all hell will seem to break loose.

It’s so much easier to break down that box from the beginning and defy those expectations, living as you’d like to live.

Sometimes it’s something as simple as changing up your socks or underwear, switching out your black bag for something brighter, or making the shift from pleated to plain front pants. Greater risks, and greater glories, can be found with grander makeovers – dying your dark hair platinum blonde, drastically retooling your wardrobe, or trading in your sneakers for stilettos. The point is not to be afraid.

We all get trapped from time to time. In this month that comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb, take a chance and see what transformations you can accomplish.

Alan Bennett Ilagan is a freelance writer and amateur photographer who resides in upstate New York with his husband Andy. He created the website www.ALANILAGAN.COM. He was the manager of the Romaine Brooks Gallery from 2008 to 2012. His writing has appeared in Instinct, xy magazine, Capitalmen, Q Northeast, the Windy City Times, and the Boston Phoenix. Notable artistic collaborations have been created with the likes of Steven Underhill, Paul Richmond, Dennis Dean, and Michael Breyette.

Traditional & Holistic Psychotherapies for Healing & Growth

“My business is my life.”

Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Relationship & Parenting Issues Healing Trauma & Abuse Depression & Anxiety Relationship Violence Addictions & Recovery Living With HIV & Illness

Get more out of both.

Body Image & Eating Disorders

The Living Balance Sheet® can help you find hidden value in your balance sheet. Learn

Homestudies & Adoption Services

how to protect and grow your business and make the most of untapped potential.

C

This revolutionary financial model lets you

hoices Counseling Consulting &

518-438-2222 Fax 438-7777

523 Western Avenue, Suite 2A (second floor) · Albany, NY 12203 info@choicesconsulting.com · www.choicesconsulting.com

see the big picture of your finances – both business and personal – all in one place.

Helping you to adjust your strategies for optimal impact across the board, while allowing you to maximize your opportunities and the value of your business.

It’s worth it. Visit veronica_mangione@wagroupllc.com, or call VERONICA MANGIONE at 518-867-3210 for more information on The Living Balance Sheet ®.

Wealth Advisory Group LLC is an agency of:

®

The Living Balance Sheet ® and the Living Balance Sheet ® Logo are registered service marks of The Guardian Life Insurance Company of America (Guardian), New York, NY. The graphics and text used herein are the exclusive property of Guardian and protected under U.S. and International copyright laws. © Copyright 2005 – 2013, The Guardian Life Insurance Company of America.

Registered Representative of Park Avenue Securities LLC (PAS) , . Securities products and services are offered through PAS. Financial Representative, The Guardian Life Insurance Company of America, New York, NY (Guardian). PAS is an indirect, wholly owned subsidiary of Guardian. This firm is not an affiliate or subsidiary of PAS or Guardian. |PAS is a member FINRA, SIPC|

VERONICA MANGIONE, Financial Representative • Wealth Advisory Group LLC • 255 WASHINGTON AVE EXT, SUITE 108 • ALBANY, NY 12205 •

Pub5941 GEAR 2013-0972

5 “ x 7”

 Design Build  Renovations  Additions  Green Services  Decks  Porches  Carpentry

“Providing All Your Residential,

Historic & Commercial Construction Needs!”

P.O. Box 504 Delmar, NY 12054

Phone: Fax:

518.488.0506 518.439.1222

admin@skylandsservices.com www.skylandsservices.com

11

GAY MAN’S MUSINGS by NYVEK MOSHIER

Letters to a Fabulous 8 Year Old… My dear little one, please do not fret over these simple things. That soft voice will one day project such passion. One day that posture of yours will allow you to withstand a hurricane of social change.

That skip in your step will give you the power to march for something far greater than yourself. And I can testify to the fact that that limp wrist will produce pages of emotions. Do not fret my child; everything that makes you different now will one day make you a man who is surrounded by love, kindness and a desire to live each day to its fullest. This, my dear child, I promise you.

Hey you. Why aren’t you playing with the other kids? I know you have just discovered something about yourself that scares you. I know you are beginning to realize that this inner truth sets you apart from the other children. I fully understand that the truth you have realized is something you know will create challenges for you in the future. I know your first memory of feeling this was when you were 4. And I know you would give anything to feel about it now as you did then, because at the age of 4 you had no understanding of just how it made you different. But take heart hun. Everything you are feeling now, while frightening, will lead to a world beyond your imagination. Everything you are feeling now will drive you to seek more than the small town in which you currently ride your bike, go to school and play in could ever offer. One day, the very thing you fear at this moment will place you in the arms of an amazingly beautiful person with a smile that will warm your heart for the rest of your days. What you fear about yourself now, is something you will unapologetically fight to protect in the future.

Oh hun, I know you are upset. You wanted to go to Stacey’s sleep over and you do not understand why you can’t. You cannot conceive as to why no boys are allowed. Yes, you have been invited to Mark’s camp out in the yard, but there is no connection there. Mark is cute, but he and his friends play the dumbest tricks on each other and the fact that these sometimes involve boogers just does not excite you the same way it does the other boys. I know the boundaries set for you by adults at this point in your life make you feel so very alone. You feel denied the

12

kids who make you smile and forced to interact with the ones that go out of their way to tease you. But cheer up my darling boy. One day you will break through those boundaries and never look back.

One day you will fight to make sure such ridiculous presumptions as to the proper roles of girls and boys become a thing of the past. One day you will do everything in your power to make sure that no future child will have to feel the way you do now.

I know it’s difficult, but one day you will be the change you wish you could have in your current world.

Hey you. I see you standing there with those hearts and not thrilled as to what’s expected of you. All the boys and girls in class are taking joy in giving their valentines to each other. I know you want to give yours to Josh. I know it frustrates you to have to walk by his desk and put one of your hearts on Stacey’s desk instead. Stacey is sweet and you adore her, but she is not Josh. I know why you tease Josh, it’s the only way you can show him affection without anyone becoming suspicious of what’s in your heart. I know this saddens you deeply hun. But you just wait. One day you will do more than give a paper heart to a boy you like. One day you will give not just your heart, but also your soul to an amazing man. You will proudly hold his hand as you walk down the street poking into shops to see what’s on sale. One day his head will rest on your chest as you watch a movie and proceed to run your fingers through his hair. One day you will be nerved wracked because in a few months you will be committing your life to loving the most amazingly kind and gentle soul. So hold onto to those hearts hun, Josh is not meant to have your heart anyways. Your heart my boy, is meant for……Well, I have to leave you with some mystery.

I see you closing your fists and clenching your jaw. I see those droplets forming in those baby blues, which will become more hazel with time. I know someone you loved just used a word that has caused you pain. I know it breaks your heart that you are too afraid to tell them that what they said cut you deeper than any blade that could ever be forged by the hand of man, or woman. I know you feel betrayed by them. After all, families should love each other unconditionally. I know you

want to scream the truth at them, but will instead retreat to your room to hide and seek comfort in the embrace of your Barney blanket. But cheer up hun. One day you will find more strength than you ever thought you could possibly possess. One day you will tell that loved one exactly how they made you feel. One day you will reveal to your whole family the secret that you currently protect with such conviction. Now some of those close to you will let you down, but many more will embrace you for everything that makes you beautiful. You will also one day come to define family very differently than you do now. One day you will have a family large enough to fill a dozen of those cornfields outside your bedroom window. You will have a family so diverse it will put Sesame Street to shame. And one day, you and your soul mate will sit browsing baby name books, in preparation for a family of your own. And that word that was just used against you will have no sway over you. You will play a role in stripping that word of its power. One day, the power inside you will give you the strength to withstand anything an ignorant world could ever hope to throw at you. One day, you and those like you will seize this world and make it truly beautiful.

Hey you. I see you staring at me with wonder in those baby blues. When I look into your eyes, I see everything you want me to be. I see everything that you hope I will be. Your eyes tell me so much, such specific and traditional plans for the future. Well, I’m going to have to disappoint you hun. No, I am not what you wanted me to be. The standard normal that currently surrounds you will never be reflected in my heart. It is true that I will never be a carbon copy of those who you currently look up to and try so desperately to please. But please try and hold off from being too disappointed in what I am telling you. Please take comfort in knowing that, while I am not who you wanted me to be, I have become exactly who you will one day need me to be.

One day that

posture of yours will allow you to withstand a hurricane of social change.

Nyvek is a local college student who has been volunteering with the Pride Center since 2008. It was Nyvek’s passion for weddings that first got him involved in the fight for marriage equality and the community as a whole.

Residential • Commercial Land & Development Landlord / Tenant Representation

Brian Brosen & Reginald Monroe Licensed Associate Real EstateBrokers

Interim Healthcare‌ Providing Companions, Aides and Nurses in the Home 2 to 24 Hours a Day So You or a Loved One Can Stay in Your Home.

94171_4

Caring Caregivers Needed!

Call today (518) 452-3655 52 3655 www.interimhealthcare.com

Share your

commitment

Let us help you create the perfect wedding rings to show the world your special commitment!

JOIN US ON

1675 Western Ave | Albany, NY 12203 | 518.464.9636 | www.druesanders.com

13

COLON CANCER IS PREVENTABLE, TREATABLE, BEATABLE. FREE, easy take-home screening kits for uninsured adults age 50+ (treatment available — further eligibility rules apply) Learn more, and get your kit by going to CSPofAlbandRen.com or call (518) 525-8680 for details.

Have you put yourself at risk?

Need PrEP or HIV testing?

Albany Medical Center offers free assesment for PrEP and free HIV testing. www.amc.edu/HIV

14

Call 518.262.6923 for more information.

50 IDEAS FOR

SELF-CARE

Read Volunteer Wash dishes Get a haircut Laugh at yourself Knit or crochet Play video games

Stay in your PJs Make art Watch TV Dress in drag Hang with pets Rearrange a room Pleasure yourself

Make lunches for work Take daily vitamins Drink lost of water Host a potluck Eat chocolate Drink tea

Put together puzzles

Blast music Dance in your underwear Sing in the shower or car

Color in coloring books Build unstructured time into weekly plans

Deep breathing Morning stretches Wake up at sunrise Hot packs Meditation Moisturizer Acupuncture Running Showers Reiki Yoga

Š 2015 Lyndon Cudlitz / Pride Center of the Capital Region

Write poetry (and speak it aloud to the air) Listen to podcasts or audiobooks

15

Traditional & Holistic Psychotherapies Traditional & Holistic PsychotherapiesHow Traditional Traditional & Holistic & Holistic Psychotherapies Psychotherapies Traditional & Holistic Psyc Mental Health: to Heal the Queer Soul for Healing & Growth for Healing for Healing &Lev Growth & Growth for Healing & Growth for Healing & Grow

By Arlene I spend a lot of time&thinking about Sexual Orientation Gender Identity mental health, probably more Relationship & Parenting Issues than most people. Healing For nearly years I have Trauma30 & Abuse been teaching Depression social work, which in& Anxiety hoices cludes a C courseRelationship on psychopathology.

I Violence have also been a therapist, specializing Recovery in the mentalAddictions health &care of LGBTQ Living With HIV people and their families.& Illness And, to be Image & Eating Disordersbeing transparent,Body I am also a human Homestudies & Adoption Services and had my own challenges with the vagaries of human pain and suffering.

Anyone who is Orientation suffering wants relief.

Indeed, they lived inOrientation emotional Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Sexual Sexual &Orientation Gender Identity & Gender logical.

Identity Sexual & Gender Id But if we have no definition of mental pain because they saw themselves as Issues Relationship Relationship & Parenting Issues & Parenting Issues Relationship & ParentingRelationship & Parenting Iss health, how do Healing we know how to attain psychologically ill.

This is something Healing Trauma & AbuseHealing Trauma & Abuse Trauma Healing & Abuse Trauma & Abuse relief? Is it enough to just &Depression stop the pain hard for aDepression younger& Anxiety generation to unDepression Anxiety & Anxiety Depression & Anxiety hoices hoices C C (alcohol can sometimes numb pain; exderstand – the problem was often not Relationship Violence Relationship Violence Relationship Relationship Violence Violence cessive pornography might lower stress; homophobia from the outside, but a Addictions & Recovery Addictions & Recovery Addictions &Addictions Recovery & Recovery avoidance of intimate relationships can hollow unending pain on the inside Living With of HIVyour & Illness Living With HIV Living & Illness With HIV & Illness Living With HIV & Illness quickly solve most interpersonal is- that assured you worthlessness Body Image & Eating Disorders Bodysome Image Body & Eating Image & Eating Disorders Body Image & Eating Disord sues)? Is there way toDisorders measure as a human being.

Services Homestudies Homestudies & Adoption Services & Adoption & Adoption Ser happiness, joy, satisfaction in our lives ServicesHomestudies & AdoptionHomestudies to know that we are on the right path to Before homosexuality was officially rea state of mental health? moved from the DSM it was replaced with a slightly less&noxious diagno-& Consu Counseling Consulting Counseling Counseling & Counseling Consulting& Consulting Often following the518-438-2222 suicide or excessive sis: Ego-Dystonic Homosexuality.

In 518-438-2222 518-438-2222 518-438-2222 drinking/drugging Fax binge of a promithe psych-speak of the profession this Fax 438-7777 438-7777 Fax 438-7777 Fax 438-7777 nent entertainer exposed on social me- meant “Homosexuals were very un523 Western floor) ·Avenue, Albany, Suite NY 12203 523 Western Avenue, 523 Western Suite 2AAvenue, (secondSuite floor)2A · Albany, (secondNY floor) 12203 · Albany, NY Avenue, 12203 Suite 2A (second 523 Western 2A (second floor) · A dia, there is a barrage of· www.choicesconsulting.com public service comfortable with info@choicesconsulting.com their sexuality and info@choicesconsulting.com · www.choicesconsulting.com info@choicesconsulting.com info@choicesconsulting.com · www.choicesconsulting.com · www.choicesc messages saying “Seek help.” As I am felt bad about themselves. This pain and sitting at home watching television or discomfort is also a mental illness, even on the Internet, I find myself thinking if it is technically okay to have feelings 3.75 “ x 5” for someone of 3.75 “ xI5” am the 3.75 “ x “help” 5” 3.75 “ the x 5” that they are encoursame sex.” This too aging people to seek, as if therapy is a was later removed because it became panacea for human suffering, as if “go- clear that living in a homophobic and ing to therapy,” could replace doing the heterosexist culture left few “happy work that happens in therapy. If only well-adjusted homosexuals.” “therapy” (or medication) was powerful enough to eradicate human pain.

There have been seismographic changes in the social and political world for LGB Psychology is the study not just of the people – changes that have generated mind or the brain, but of the soul – an increase in legal protections, marpsyche comes from the word for soul riage equality, and a freedom to live our -- breath, life, spirit. Maintaining qual- lives that a previous generation could ity mental health requires us to think not have imagined. It is worth ponderabout how we care for our souls. We are ing whether these social changes would all in a process of daily decision-mak- have happened if homosexuality had ing about how we live, the choices we remained in the DSM. Throwing off the make, that ultimately point us towards yoke and stigma of “pathology” allowed increased health and well-being, or a not only for the coming out of gay, lesstate of mental dis-ease. Yes, therapy can bian, and bisexual people, but also alhelp (and medication). As can yoga, or lowed for legal and political transformeditation, or finding a spiritual path. mations that could never have been But, in truth there is no “quick fix.” Get- granted a “mentally ill” population. As ting sober is certainly better than active Richard Green has said, “On that fateaddiction; but that doesn’t mean it will ful day in 1973, in America alone, sev“feel good,” at least not immediately. eral million mentally ill persons were Climbing out of depression, takes work, cured.” and it’s hard to work hard when you feel depressed.

The “cure” produced the possibility of legal changes, but also a slow but steady For queer folk there are added compli- healing of the LGB soul, a glimpse, and cations. When homosexuality was first later a watershed experience, of comremoved from the DSM, it was very ing into wholeness. Many young people controversial, not just for the psychia- will never grow up thinking they are trists who voted to remove it, but for “sick,” or “bad,” or “dirty,” in the way an gay and lesbian people – most of who older generation did. had been raised to believe homosexuality was a mental illness and actually This process is currently mirrored in saw their own desires as sick and patho- the ongoing struggle to remove Gender

T raditional & Holistic Psychotherapies T raditional & Holistic Psychotherapies T raditional & Holistic Psychotherapies for Healing & Growth for Healing & Growth for Healing & Growth Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity

Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity

Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity

Relationship & Parenting Issues

Relationship & Parenting Issues

Healing Trauma & Abuse

Healing Trauma & Abuse

Traditional & Holistic Psychotherapies Traditional & Holistic PsychotherTradipiteisonal & Holistic Psychotherapies for Healing & Growth for Healing & Growth for Healing & Growth Relationship & Parenting Issues Healing Trauma & Abuse Depression & Anxiety

Relationship Violence

Addictions & Recover y

Living With HIV & Illness

Body Image & Eating Disorders

Homestudies & Adoption Ser vices

& Consulting 518-438-2222 Counseling

Fa x

438-7777

523 Western Avenue, Suite 2A (second floor) · Albany, NY 12203 i n fo @ c h o i ce s co n s u l t i n g. co m · w w w. c h o i ce s co n s u l t i n g. co m

3.75 “

x

5”

Choices

Mental health problems, mental illCounseling i.e., & Consulting ness, are defined518-438-2222 by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Mental Health Fax of 438-7777 Disorders (DSM-5) which outlines all 523 Western Avenue, Suite 2A (second floor) · Albany, NY 12203 defining characteristics of mental illinfo@choicesconsulting.com · www.choicesconsulting.com nesses; it was recently updated in 2013.

The book weighs nearly 5 pounds, and is almost 1000 pages long. It covers over 3.75 “ x 5”diagnostic categories and cost ap300 proximately $25 million to produce; it is the primary funding source for the American Psychiatric Association. Researchers estimate that approximately 25% of the adult U.S. population suffers from one or more mental illnesses listed in the DSM. That is one in four adults. Approximately 20% of children are diagnosed with a mental health issue every year. Given the extensive and detailed knowledge about mental illness described in the DSM, you might be surprised to learn it does not define mental health – at all!

Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Relationship & Parenting Issues Healing Trauma & Abuse Depression & Anxiety

Relationship Violence

Addictions & Recovery

How can it be that we have such detailed information about mental illness – depression and anxiety, ADD, ODD, OCD, sleep disorders, and addictive disorders –yet really do not have a working definition of mental health?

Now in all fairness, the DSM included homosexuality until 1973 (I was in high school), and still includes Gender Dysphoria – clearly an imperfect “bible.” But anyone who has struggled with depression – even a small “subclinical” depression – or found themselves drinking consistently more than they thought was healthy, but couldn’t stop (or at least didn’t stop, even if they thought they could), knows that there is something painfully real about human emotional pain. Even if the term mental illness is a total turn-off, suffering is, however, an indisputable human experience, whatever we call it.

Living With HIV & Il ness

Body Image & Eating Disorders

Homestudies & Adoption Services

C

hoiCounselcinesg Consulting & 518-438-2222

Depression & Anxiety

Depression & Anxiety

Relationship Violence

Relationship Violence

Addictions & Recover y

Addictions & Recover y

Living With HIV & Illness

Living With HIV & Illness

Body Image & Eating Disorders

Body Image & Eating Disorders

Homestudies & Adoption Ser vices

Homestudies & Adoption Ser vices

Counseling & Consulting 518-438-2222

& Consulting 518-438-2222 Counseling

Fa x

Fa x

438-7777

438-7777

523 Western Avenue, Suite 2A (second floor) · Albany, NY 12203 523 Western Avenue, Suite 2A (second floor) · Albany, NY 12203 i n fo @ c h o i ce s co n s u l t i n g. co m · w w w. c h o i ce s co n s u l t i n g. co m i n fo @ c h o i ce s co n s u l t i n g. co m · w w w. c h o i ce s co n s u l t i n g. co m

3.75 “

x

3.75 “

5”

x

5”

Choices Choices ChoicesChoices

Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity

Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity

Relationship & Parenting Issues

Relationship & Parenting Issues

Healing Trauma & Abuse

Healing Trauma & Abuse

Depression & Anxiety

Depression & Anxiety

Relationship Violence

Relationship Violence

Addictions & Recovery

Addictions & Recovery

Living With HIV & Il ness

Living With HIV & Il ness

Body Image & Eating Disorders

Body Image & Eating Disorders

Homestudies & Adoption Services

Homestudies & Adoption Services

C

C

hoiCounselcinesg Consulting & 518-438-2222

hoiCounselcinesg Consulting & 518-438-2222

Traditional & Holistic Psych Traditional & Holistic Psychotherapi Traditional & Holistic Psychotherapies Traditional Traditional& &Holistic HolisticPsychotherapies Psychotherapies 16 for Healing & Growth

for forHealing Healing& &Growth Growth

for Healing & Grow for Healing & Growth

Dysphoria from the DSM, as a proud

Welcoming Congregations

Counseling & Consulting 518-438-2222

Ser vices

Disorders

I llness

Adoption

Anxiety

Violence

Recover y

438-7777

& HIV

&

Eating I mage

Living

& Homestudies

F ax

&

With

&

&

Depression

Relationship

Addictions

&

Body

Congregation Temple Sinai (Reform) 509 Broadway, Saratoga Springs www.templesinai-saratogasprings.org (518) 584-8730

Eastern Parkway United Methodist Church 943 Palmer Avenue, Schenectady www.easternparkway.weebly.com (518)374-4306

St. George’s Episcopal Church 30 North Ferry St., Schenectady www.stgeorgesschenectady.org Emmanuel Baptist Church 275 State Street, Albany, NY www.emmanuelalbany.net

First Lutheran Church 181 Western Avenue, Albany www.FirstLutheranAlbany.org (518)463-1326 First Presbyterian Church 362 State Street, Albany www.firstpresalbany.org (518)449-7332 First Reformed Church 8 North Church Street, Schenectady www.1streformed.com First Unitarian Society of Schenectady 1221 Wendell Avenue, Schenectady www.fussonline.org (518)374-4446 First Unitarian Universalist Society of Albany 405 Washington Avenue, Albany www.albanyuu.org (518)463-7135 First United Methodist Church 603 State Street, Schenectady, www.gbgm-umc.org/schenectady (518)374-4403 First United Methodist Church, East Greenbush www.fumceg.org First United Presbyterian Church 1915 Fifth Avenue, Troy www.unitedprestroy.org (518)272-2771 Friends Meeting (Quaker) 727 Madison Avenue, Albany (518) 436-8812 Presbyterian New England Congregational Church, Saratoga http://pnecchurch.org/ 5”

Identity

Issues

Abuse

Gender

Parenting &

Congregation Ohav Shalom (Conservative) 113 New Krumkill Road, Albany www.ohavshalom.org

First Congregational Church of Albany UCC & NACCC 405 Quail Street, Albany www.firstcongregationalalbany. org (518)482-4580

x

C

Congregation Gates of Heaven (Reform) 842 Ashmore Avenue, Schenectady www.cgoh.org (518)374-8173

First Church in Albany 110 North Pearl Street, Albany www.firstchurchinalbany.org (518)463-4449

Good Shepherd Lutheran Church 501 Albany Shaker Road, Loudonville 3.75 “

Relationship & Parenting Issues

Congregation Beth Emeth (Reform) 100 Academy Road, Albany www.bethemethalbany.org (518)436-9761

523 Wester n Avenue, Suite 2A (second floor) · Albany, NY 12203 i n fo @ c h o i c e s c o n s u l t i n g. c o m · w w w. c h o i c e s c o n s u l t i n g . c o m

Founder of Choices Counseling and Healing Trauma & Abuse Consulting (www.

Depression & Anxiety choicesconsulting.

Relationship Violence Addictions & Recovery com), and has Living With HIV & Illness been providing Body Image & Eating Disorders Homestudies & Adoption Services individual and family therapy for hoices Counseling Consulting the LGBTQ community of & the Capital Region 518-438-2222 since 1986. She isFax also438-7777 the Clinical Supervisor for Center Support Counseling, at the Pride Center. She can be reached at 518-438-2222.

Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity

Choices

Arlene Lev LCSWTraditional & Holistic Psychotherapies for Healing & Growth R, CASAC, is the

Congregation Berith Sholom (Reform) 167 Third Street, Troy www.berithsholom.org (518)272-8872 Trauma

The healing of the queer soul is a process of coming home to ourselves.

Recognizing our own human suffering – anxiety, depression, addiction – and committing ourselves to the hero’s journey of finding solutions that work for us, which might include coming out, therapy, support groups, medication, meditation, yoga, and combinations of treatments aimed at creating a holistic and balanced self. Perhaps the DSM does not define mental health because it is an individual process, indeed an ongoing process, without an endpoint. How do you define your own mental health, and what do you do to support the healing of your (very queer, very fruitful) soul?

Congregation B’nai Shalom (Reform) 420 Whitehall Road, Albany www.bnaishalom.albany.ny.us (518) 482-5283

Orientation

The World Health Organization defines mental health as follows: “Mental health is not just the absence of men3.75 “ x 5” tal illness. It is a state of well-being in which every individual realizes his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.”

Congregation Agudat Achim (Conservative) 2117 Union Street, Schenectady www.agudatachim.org (518) 393-9211

Healing

info@choicesconsulting.com · www.choicesconsulting.com consulting.com

Community Reformed Church of Colonie 701 Sand Creek Road, Colonie www.coloniereformed.org (518)869-5589

Relationship

C

hoices

Church (UCC) 221 Columbia Tpke, Rensselaer www.clintonheightsucc.org

Sexual

LGB people there are two levels of healing, one is healing from the horOrientation & Gender Identity dentity rors Sexual of ongoing societal oppression Relationship & Parenting Issues sues and the other is the internalization of Trauma & Abuse e negative Healing messages about one’s self and Depression & Anxiety one’s worth.

The psychological anguish Violence gender dysof painfulRelationship “ego-dystonic” phoria causes soul&dis-ease.

Addictions Recovery Although I will neverLiving believe that gender dysphoWith HIV & Illness s ria is a mental illness, I do believe genBody Image & Eating Disorders ders der dysphoria exists, and that healing Homestudies & Adoption Services rvices the psyche of gender dysphoria is not something that can always be solved by an improved social world, but rathulting & Consultingrecovery er requires Counseling a psychological 518-438-2222 of one’s relationship with their body, 438-7777 their soul, asFax well as the communities inWestern which weSuite live.

523 Avenue, 2A (second floor) · Albany, NY 12203 Albany, NY 12203

T raditional & Holistic P sychotherapies for Healing & Growth

Traditional & Holistic Psychotherapies chotherapies trans community names themselves, Join Us In Exploring Your Spiritual Side At One Of The Welcoming Congregations Below: and forges their own freedom. Like Community Congregational for Healing & Growth wth (518)465-5161 www.goodshepherdchurchloudonville.org (518)458-1562

Holy Trinity National Catholic Church 405 Washington Avenue, Albany www.NCCofA.org/holytrin.html (518)434-8861 Journey United Church of Christ 500 Kenwood Blvd, Delmar www.journeyucc.com Saratoga Springs United Methodist Church 175 Fifth Avenue, Saratoga Springs www.saratogaspringsumc.org (518)584-3720 Saint Aelred’s Priory and Retreat House (National Catholic) 670 Bunker Hill Road, Northville staelredpriory@aol.com (518) 863-8086 / (518) 434-8861 St. Andrews Episcopal Church Main at Madison Avenue, Albany www.standrewsalbany.org (518)489-4747 St. John’s Lutheran Church 160 Central Avenue, Albany www.stjohnsalbany.org (518)465-7545 Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Saratoga 624 North Broadway, Saratoga Springs www.saratoga-uu.org (518)584-1555 Unity Church in Albany 21 King Avenue, Albany www.unitychurchinalbany.org (518)453-3603 Woodstock Jewish Congregation (Reconstructionist) 1682 Glasco Turnpike, Woodstock www.wjcshul.org (845)246-1671

Proud To Be Open!

Affirming!

Welcoming!

T & Holistic Psychothe 523 Western Avenue, Suite 2A (second floor) · Albany, NY 12203 info@choicesconsulting.com · www.choicesconsulting.com

3.75 “ x 5”

hotherapies ies Traditional & Holistic Psychotherapies for Healing & Growth wth

Joyous!

17

cies understand how important it is to receive the appropriate level of care for people to remain safe and independent in their homes. An RN and a client service supervisor will oversee care and staff on each case. Services are customized to meet your needs from 2 hours a day up to 24 hours a day 7 days a week. A continuum of care from nonmedical companion right up to a skilled nursing level can be provided. So as your needs change the agency is there to help identify those needs and

HOME HEALTHCARE

Show Your Pride Online

There is no place like home, home care can help you live a safe, independent and enriched life. If you want to stay in your home you are not alone. Today more than 80% of seniors would prefer to stay in their homes if they need help. Not everyone that needs care at home is a senior. The good news is that home care can provide that extra help to keep you living independently. Whether help is needed short term due to an injury or surgery or long care to keep you in your home, before the next level of care may be needed.

You are in control of how much help you need. You have several different levels of care to choose from. Help that can be provided may be at the companion level which may include meal preparation, light housekeeping, doctor appointments, outings, socialization, safety and much more. Home Health Aide level of care may include bathing, grooming, assisting with ambulation, medication reminders, toileting, meal preparation, light housekeeping and much more. Nursing level of care may include medication management, client assessments and reassessments and much more. Home care agen-

provide the appropriate level of care. If you or your family are considering hiring someone privately to help with services in your home, please make sure you are a fully informed consumer. Knowing the issues and the facts can actually save you money and prevent possible legal problems.

Agency versus private hire, are you making the right choice? When you hire a licensed agency you have the comfort of knowing that each employee has been carefully screened, bonded and insured. And since they are employees of the agency, there is no need to worry about taxes, social security of liabil-

ity insurance. Employees are also insured and covered by worker’s compensation as required by law. When you hire privately you are responsible for knowing what services are needed for you or your loved one. There is no RN involved to be able to make health care needs assessments. You are the boss and responsible for managing performance and discipline. You are also responsible if there is an injury in your home. This could result in medical bills or even a major lawsuit. When you hire an agency every attempt is made to skill match.

An example of companion care is an older golfer who could no longer drive but still wanted to golf so the agency provided a golfing companion. They played several times a week and were so good they won awards at the golf course. Another example of home care, is a man who lived out the area had to go through chemo at Albany Medical Center and was staying at the hotel hired an aide through an agency. The aide not only helped daily with his personal care but went with him to his chemo treatments.

When you are considering staying at home and need support there are licensed home care agencies to meet your needs.

HUDSON LGBTQA YOUTH GROUP Hudson Opera House | 327 Warren St, Hudson, New York 12534 | THIRD TUESDAY of every month | 4:30-6pm for lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans*, queer, asexual & allied youth ages 18 & under

18

T O

B E

A

B L E S S I N G

Reclaiming God, Faith & Community by Deborah Reyome In June 2014, I took a mini-vacation and visited friends on the coast of Maine.

Although still a bit cool, the weather was mostly clear. The views were amazing; intensely blue skies, a rich green array of tree varieties, and the majestic ocean, awe-striking waves crashing up against Maine’s notorious rocky shore. Its source, in the seemingly ominous horizon in the east, is what consistently draws me to this place. It is the unknown, and when I stand on the shore and look out, it is where I find peace.

I have not always had this perspective; to welcome that which I cannot see, and believe, spiritually, it is all going to be O.K. “It” being what may, indeed, be on the horizon for me. Although I still contend with a few lingering demons from my past, I am no longer immersed in its torment. I am largely at peace with myself and who I have become regardless of the world in which we live with all of its preconceived judgments.

I grew up in a traditional Catholic family where not only attending mass on Sundays was required, but also first Fridays and every day during the summer months. Additionally, residing in a small rural community, the Church provided a range of activities of which my large extended family was integrally involved.

One can only imagine how a feisty little tomboy, unwilling to subscribe to gender roles and play with a Barbie doll (other than to use it as a prop for rodeos) survived.

“God” was to be feared. It was drilled into us that if anything bad happened, it was because we were being punished. Obviously, the implications for a child to absorb this belief system, in the context of a sometimes insensitive and cruel world, are enormous. Suffice it to say the end

result of tragic experiences in my youth was devastating, complex trauma deeply ingrained into every essence of my being.

In August of 1990, I began a journey back in time that enabled me to simultaneously begin a journey forward. I was 29, and letting go of a heavy nicotine addiction when I crashed and desperately sought solace by developing a working relationship with “God” through a self-help program. Over the years, “God” got redefined and captured. Spirit. Creator. No longer simply restricted to a whimsical male deity, “God” became a much greater Source from which to draw power to not only heal from the deepest of wounds, but to also fully realize my own unique blend of knowledge, skills and creativity to offer humanity.

Early on, I rigorously read any spiritual book that I could get my hands on that challenged my perception of “God.” “The Seat of the Soul” by Gary Zukov totally changed the way I oriented my responsibility to others. I regularly “church surfed,” practicing various religious and spiritual traditions for months, years at a time.

Once, in the midst of struggling with significant medical issues, I diligently studied the Bhagavad-Gita and practiced yoga - Karma Yoga (the yoga of Action), Bhakti Yoga (the yoga of Devotion) and Jnana Yoga (the yoga of Knowledge). And a true blessing it all became for in my efforts to sooth, I discovered the reaffirming nature inherent in spiritual seeking.

The truth of my “Spirit” became honored again and again as I read through the scriptures and practiced deep guided meditation, intuitively sensing answers to the problems in my life. As time passed, I stopped hating myself and discovered a self-love that was dependent on my

“God” was to be feared. It was drilled into us that if anything bad happened, it was because we were being punished.

spiritual relationship with my Creator and little else.

Last year, I began studying Ignatian Spirituality, took part in an intensive Vipassana training, and regularly attended a spiritual discernment group. If there was a single gift that I could give others struggling to find peace and comfort, it would be spiritual discernment and connection. When your default becomes, “I’m good with God,” rather than internalized shame and humiliation from the judgment of others, like-minded or not, there is no greater blessing to be had.

I have all too often been in the company of LGBTQ folks and allies who bristle at the mention of the word, “God.” And understandably so, given how we’ve all been used as fodder for political candidates and religious leaders alike. But equally disheartening is the realization that so many of us in our efforts to protect ourselves have inadvertently made the ultimate sacrifice in falling prey to such opportunists by denying the existence of anything greater.

Please note that last month’s To Be a Blessing erroneously stated that “Do-Re -Mi” originates from Mary Poppins. It is from The Sound of Music.

“God” got redefined and captured.

Deborah Reyome, Ph.D., LMSW is an Assistant Professor of Social Work at the College of St. Rose. She facilitates “Reclaiming God, Faith & Community,” a support group for LGBTQ’s and allies, that meets every 1st & 3rd Saturday of the month at the First Reformed Church in the Stockade section of Schenectady from 6-7:30 p.m. Please contact Deborah at ridewthwind@yahoo.com if you are interested in attending or would like more information.

This article is one of a series provided by Advocates for Welcoming Congregations, a Capital Region group that encourages the welcoming of LGBT persons into the full life and leadership of communities of faith. The group also works to make visible for members of the LGBT community opportunities for practicing their faith traditions.

19

TR A NS* V IEW

Who’s in the circle? by

Circles are by their nature inclusive, a universal symbol for cycles of all kinds, particularly those cycles of Nature. Virtually all indigenous peoples worshipped the cycles of Nature before we began worshiping other things, before we even created gods and goddesses we knew the circle of life and our place in it.

Who’s to say what happened that the circle broke or when the circle broke, or how it broke, or even to be perfectly none circular, who broke the circle, and who’s to blame. But these days it seems the circle is in tatters, all its little degrees scattered like so many grains of sand before the wind. There are a lot of conflicting stories about broken circles. Our whole culture, indeed, our whole world runs on them.

There’s not a successful blockbuster movie that not about us vs. them/ Maybe, it’s time to ask--who’s in the circle?

Almost 20 years ago on a sunny Wednesday morning, April 19, 1995, the Oklahoma bombing took place shattering our cultural identity in an instant. Amid the shock waves that morning, I called a friend to check in about a mutual friend whom we knew was already on a plane to have a key role in the investigation and the recovery at the site. The friend, whose name and reputation as a founder of the lesbian separatist movement in this country would not be known to those under 55 said to me, “You know, Hawk, for a brief moment this morning, I wanted to believe in the death penalty and see that guy suffer and die.” I paused, too long maybe, and said quietly, “Me, too.” And, almost simultaneously we said some version, “but then I felt so horribly ashamed for thinking that.” We talked a bit more about what might have driven someone (we didn’t know who then) to do something like that and felt sad for the terrible loss and what suffering those directly touched by the bombing would endure and questioned would they ever fully recover. That day, we broke the circle, even if for a moment, and felt deeply ashamed,

20

Moonhawk RiverStone

felt remorse for being fully human and the inescapable product of our reptilian brain wanting to lash out and hurt for having been hurt, even though we were not the ones bombed we wanted the blood lust of revenge.

For my friend was also a nationally known member of the revival of paganism among feminists, and I, too, traveled that path and we both knew the violation we committed to that circle was as ancient as it was modern. We forged a different bond that day humbled by how fragile our hold on the circle had been.

Most readers will know this more recent story. On December 28, 2014, Leelah Alcorn, 17, a transgender girl, stepped out in front of a semitrailer and committed suicide. She left a startling suicide note published post her death on tumblr creating a firestorm of responses. Like that day in Oklahoma many of us had that moment, some longer than a moment, wanting to hurt her parents for what had happened, wanting to lash out to a religious belief that encouraged and sanctioned reparative therapy, wanted to lash out to a society whose circle does not include transgender people, especially transgender children. It felt at times you could actually smell the blood lust in the air. I am so incredibly proud that so many in our transgender community rose and spoke of compassion, of the need to change things, the need to be nonviolent and to end violence of all kinds against transgender people. I am most humbled by those parents of transgender children like my dear friend and colleague, Shannon Garcia, cofounder of Trans Youth Family Allies, the first national organization devoted to trans kids and their parents. In her facebook post she spoke powerfully of the need for compassion toward Leelah’s parents for bringing them into the circle for surrounding them with love. Shannon spoke to making the circle whole. If Leelah’s desperate action does anything, it is my hope that beyond it being the transformative moment for transgender people’s inclusion in the circle, it is one of THE transformative moments for the

rebuilding of the world circle.

It is easy for us to exclude those who commit acts of violence and cruelty from the circle, to create an us and them like those blockbuster movies we are constantly being fed. It is much easier and more convenient to put Carla and Doug Alcorn, to put Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols, to put ISIS (the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria), to put Adam Lanza and his mother, Nancy Lanza outside the circle like some kind of dirty garbage we don’t want to in our homes or in our heats and spirits. It’s the challenge of a lifetime, to extend our hands and to open the fragment of our part of the circle to Carla and Doug, Tim and Terry, ISIS and Adam and Nancy. As Doug Wong, in a article (1/25/15) on www.cracked.com states there are only two groups in the world: those who want to dominate Earth and those who want to coexist or the broken circle or the whole circle.

Who’s in the circle? Who’s in your circle? And who’s not in your circle?

Indeed, who’s in the circle is all that matters these days. That we rebuild the circle, gather those grains of sand and fuse them together to reform the whole is the arduous work of lifetimes, but it is our work, the only work we need do. For it is not our tribe against your tribe, but it is truly we are all One Tribe. No matter the diversity in each grain of sand, each difference is an integral part of the whole. I have faith that Leelah’s sacrifice has made our little corner of the circle a whole lot more whole.

I read recently of this in Spirituality and Health (1/2/2015). In an article

by Kathryn Medico (pp. 26-27) she speaks of taking a vow of nonviolence many years ago and the huge transformation that happened layer by layer over the ensuing time. Consider this, consider the making the circle whole. Consider, maybe taking the vow. We’ve nothing to lose and circle of wholeness to gain.

So, who’s in the circle? Everyone.

Until next time...T

(A special thank you to the person who brought David Wong’s article to my attention in just the nick of time! www.cracked.com/blog/6-ways-to-keep-terrorists-from-ruining-world/#ixzz3RD5fHeHj)

Vow of Nonviolence

Like What You See?? Consider Giving a Gift.

Close your eyes.

Serving 10 Center Counties,of the the Pride onlyoldest LGBTQ betweencenter Kingston the Canadian The Pride CapitalCenter Regionis the is the gaycommunity and lesbiancenter community in theand country and has grown to be the largest lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) multi-service agency in Upstate Border. The Pride Center’s mission is to promote the well-being of all gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and NY. queer identified people and those affected by discrimination based on gender identity and expression.

Take 3 deep, cleansing breaths.

Put your awareness in your heart.

Ask yourself honestly if you are willing to take the vow of nonviolence.

State aloud: “I am committed to bringing about a world of peace, harmony, laughter and love. I take this vow to be nonviolent in my thoughts, my speech and my actions.”

The Pride Center of the Capital Region is the oldest gay and lesbian community center in the country and has grown to be the largest lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) multi-service agency in Upstate Like What You See?? Consider Giving a Gift.

NY.

Serving 10 Counties, the Pride Center is the only LGBTQ community center between Kingston and the Canadian Border. The Pride Center’s mission is to promote the well-being of all gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and Because of you, the Pride Center’s core programs and services will continue to benefit the LGBTQ and Capital queer identified people and those affected by discrimination based on gender identity and expression.

Region community now and in the future. Our programs include the following: CENTER ARTS, CENTER FAMILIES, Because of you, the Pride Center’s core programs and services will continue to benefit the LGBTQ and Capital CENTER SUPPORT, CENTER YOUTH, TRAINING EDUCATION, TRANS PRIDE, andFAMILIES, VINTAGE Region community now and in theCOMMUNITY future. OurOUTREACH, programs include theAND following: CENTER ARTS, CENTER CENTERYour SUPPORT YOUTH, COMMUNITY AND EDUCATION, TRANS PRIDE, and VINTAGE PRIDE. gifts, CENTER stay local, helping to serveOUTREACH, the LGBTQTRAINING community in Albany, Columbia, Fulton, Greene, PRIDE. Your gifts stay local, helping to serve the LGBTQ community in Albany, Columbia, Fulton, Greene, Montgomery, Montgomery, Rensselaer, Rensselaer, Saratoga, Saratoga, Schenectady, Schenectady, Warren Warren and and Washington Washington Counties.

Counties.

Tear Out - Pledge Form Mail to: 332 Hudson Ave, Albany, NY 12210 Have Questions or NeedTear Additional Information?

Out - Pledge Form Call: (518) 462 - 6138

To help the Pride Center of the CapitalMail Regionto: 332IHudson Ave,gift Albany, NY 12210 will fulfill my in the following manner:

I want to make a __ oneHave time Questions __ monthly giftorof:Need ______Check Additional Information?

462 -of6138 made payable Call: to the (518) Pride Center the Capital Region

Rev. Moonhawk River Stone of Riverstone Consulting is an Interfaith Minister, transgender activist, writer, educator, consultant, keynote speaker and psychotherapist in private practice for over 25 years with experience and extensive expertise in all aspects of transgender policy and health.

TRANS VIEW© #130

□$25 □$50 □$75 □$100 □$250 To□$10 hel p the Pride□Other Center$___________ of the Capital Region □$500 □$1000

I wil fulfil my gift in the following manner:

________ MasterCard ______ Visa

is:

CVV

_______ Amex

Card # __________________________________________Exp. ____/____

IThis wantgiftto make a __ one time __ monthly gift of: ______Check made payable to the Pride Center of the Capital Region ___In Memory of ___In Honor of

_________ Signature ________________________________

□$10 □$25 □$50 □$75 □$100 □$250 ________ MasterCard ______ Visa _______ Amex Honoree _______________________________ Other Ways To Give to the Pride Center: □$500 □$1000 □Other $___________ Please give us your name and address below: Donate Online: www.capitalpridecenter.org Card # __________________________________________Exp. ____/____ Workplace Giving: SEFA, UNITED WAY, Northern New England CFC

Name

This gift Matching Gifts: Check withSigyour regarding matching gifts & please iStreet s: ___In Memory of ___In Honor of CVV _________ natureemployer ________________________________ apply to have your gift matched.

Honoree Other WaysGiving: To Give to theabout Prideleaving Center:a lasting impact on the Pride Center City _______________________________ State Zip Planned Thinking of the Capital Region through your will and estate plans? Please contact us

Please give us your name and address below:

Donate Online: www.capitalpridecenter.org at 518-462-6138.

Name Phone (____)

Workplace Giving: SEFA, UNITED WAY, Northern New England CFC Email ____________________________________________________

Street

_____-__________________

21

Matching Gifts: Check with your employer regarding matching gifts & please apply to have your gift matched.

MEET 6 OF THE NEW LEADERS IN OUR COMMUNITY!

It is with great pride that we welcome six new very talented individuals to our leadership. The Pride Center is at an exciting time and the interest and dedication of people like our new board members is evidence of our growth. As the chair of the Governance Committee, I am honored to welcome them all aboard! ~ Joe Kerwin, Governance Chair

Kimberly Eck, PhD

Kimberly Eck grew up on a farm in Pennsylvania. She spent six years living in the Midwest and moved to Albany in 2007. She now lives in the Helderberg neighborhood of Albany with two Boston Terriers - who are adorable. Kimberly owns a business with her husband called Classy Body Art. It’s a piercing studio dedicated to providing safe, professional piercings, high-quality American-made titanium and gold jewelry, and empowering clients to demand safe piercings. With a background is in public health, Kimberly is most excited about the Pride Center's public health-related initiatives, especially clinician education and youth outreach. She believes that Community-based organizations are essential to connecting marginalized communities with inclusive health care providers. Kimberly is excited about joining the board because it affords her the opportunity to develop new skills, especially strategic planning.

She, along with the UAlbany students she teaches, are looking forward to supporting the Pride Center through grant writing.

Joseph Bailey is excited to be joining the Board of Directors. He earned his B.A. in Political Science from SUNY Cortland in 2009, and currently works as an Assistant Vice President of Retail Banking for TD Bank. Joe and his wife Samantha live in Voorheesville with their new daughter Abigail, and their yellow lab Annabelle.

Linda Richardson grew up in Rye, New York and have lived in Connecticut, Montana, California, Arkansas and Joseph Bailey Maine. Linda is anxious to use what she has learned throughout her career at Siena College, whose mission is to promote lifelong learning, to make even a small contribution to the Pride Center. She is excited by the ability to be a part of a community that has struggled to be accepted and respected and the Pride Center serves as a strong advocate. Linda is addicted to Law and Order marathons and was recently found to be stalking ICE -T. She is looking forward to meeting everyone.

Linda Richardson

John Daniels lives in Troy, and is the President of L&P Media. Joining the board with significant board experience, John is excited to bring his support of the Pride Center to the next level. Having served on numerous other boards and dedicating much of his personal and professional time to dozens of other causes, John has expertise in marketing and fundraising.

Kisha Santiago-Martinez lives in Delmar with her wife. Kisha is excited to be planting roots in the Capital John Daniels Region, where her wife Michelle grew up. Kisha participated in the Governor’s Empire Fellowship program after spending years working in urban planning between New York City and Albany. She is excited to bring her talents to the Pride Center, and after serving on the Scholarship Committee in 2014 believes in the impact of the organization because she has seen it firsthand.

Kisha Santiago-Martinez

Vincent Lanzone lives in East Greenbush with his husband Michael and their 2 dogs. Vince was first connected to the Pride Center as a 16 year old in need of someone to talk to. When Joe Norton answered the phone at the Center, Vince found the support he was looking for. Since that time, Vince has been a very successful businessman both on wall street and now in his role as a financial advisor. He has served on the Pride Center’s Finance Committee for two years and is excited to serve in the leadership of the organization.

Vincent Lanzone The Pride Center of the Capital Region (Pride Center) is dedicated to serving the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) community in the Capital Region. Based in Albany, the Pride Center has been meeting the diverse needs of LGBTQ people in a ten county region since 1970. Our programs, both at the Center (332 Hudson Ave in Albany) as well as held throughout the region, meet the health and human service needs of the LGBTQ community as well as educate and advocate for those needs in the broader Capital Region. As the oldest continuously-operating LGBTQ community center in the country, the Pride Center has worked to build a welcoming and empowering community for all people.

22

Pri A LETTER FROM

THE NEW PRESIDENT

Dear Friends in Pride:

What an incredible honor it is for me to serve as the President of the Pride Center for 2015-2017! We have so much to be thankful for– and immensely proud of – as we enter our 45th year of the Center’s existence.

As I begin my new leadership role, I want to pay tribute to those courageous, dedicated souls who came together in the early 1970’s to establish our Pride Center. Those were times of tremendous social upheaval and injustice. It is hard for many of us today to imagine the often brutal, sometimes horrific treatment and overt discrimination our LGBT predecessors faced in earlier times. But, despite incredible odds, many brave and truly dedicated community members recognized the need to have a safe, supportive place where the LGBT community could come together. And through hard work and perseverance, the Pride Center was established and has continued to operate over these past forty five years. To those many LGBTQ leaders of the past – you have my eternal thanks and gratitude!

WHAT IS YOUR LEGACY, YOUR VISION FOR THE FUTURE?

Pride Center Legacy Society

And speaking of thanks – as we begin our new 2015 Board year – I want to thank several people who recently ended their Pride Center Board tenure. Laura Gouveia and Mike Mitchell were honored in January for their Board service. And Ken Mortensen, our distinguished, immediate past president served on our Board for over a decade!!

In my few years on the Pride Center Board, I was always inspired by Ken’s amazing dedication to the Center, his positive outlook, and his remarkable ability to unite people on behalf of the Pride Center. Ken – Laura – Mike – please accept my sincere thanks and appreciation for your service.

The Center is a better place because of you!

HAT IS YOUR LEGACY, VISION FOR THE FUTURE?

WHAT IS YOUR LEGACY, UR VISION FOR THE FUTURE?

Finally I am very happy to introduce the 2015 Board of Directors: Jeffrey Baltes, vice president; Gretchel Hathaway, secretary; Jeffrey Dyber, treasurer. Joe Bailey; John Daniels, Kimberly Eck, Joseph Kerwin, Vincent Lanzone, Paul Patel, Lesley Phelan, Linda Richardson, Kisha Santiago-Martinez. I look forward to working with our Board, and helping move the Center ever forward in 2015.

All the best to you, my Friends in Pride!

Want to know more?

Patricia K. Wood, 18) 462 – 6138 forPresident information.

Want to know more?

Pride Pride Center Legacy Society Want to know more?

Planning for – the can be CALL (518) 462 6138future for information. difficult. But planning for ourselves and our families is vitally important.

WHAT IS YOUR LEGACY, By preparing now, you can make sure VISION FOR FUTURE? PYOUR lanning for honored the THE future can be your wishes are by people planning for ourselves youdifficult. love andBut trust. and our families is vitally important.

AND WITH A LITTLE PLANNING TODAY, By preparing now, you can make sure YOU CAN MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE IN THE your wishes are honored by people LIVES OF OTHERS TOMORROW. you love and trust.

Consider a gift PLANNING to the Pride AND leaving WITH A LITTLE TODAY, Center Trust, or YOU through CAN MAKEyour A BIGWill, DIFFERENCE IN THE other EstateLIVES Plan.OF OTHERS TOMORROW.

Consider leaving a gift to the Pride

Want toyour knowWill, more?

Center through Trust, or CALL (518) 462 – 6138 for information. other Estate Plan.

23

Pla

diff and By you you

YO

Co

Cen oth

ASK MARK YO U R TA X Q U ESTI O N S

Welcome to the DEAR MARK column where you can ask a tax question. Of course some questions might warrant answers that cannot be answered to due to the limited space in this column or warrant more facts due to specific circumstances of the taxpayer. =============================

Dear Mark, I sold some stock last year that I inherited but I don’t know what the cost was for the person I inherited from. I just don’t know what to do.

Dear Undecided,

Dear Wondering,

This particular forum is based on questions and answers for taxes. There are wonderful resources advertised in this publication that would be relevant to your situation. ========================== Mark Witecki,

The first question to ask is if you are in business at all or just pursuing a hobby.

Perhaps you are an investor. If you truly are in business, you have to “inventory” your purchases and deduct the cost against the selling price when sold. You don’t say if you are using the table in your “business”. On the surface it does not look like your are pursuing a business with a goal to make a profit. The IRS spells out several factors that determine whether a venture is entered into with a reasonable expectation of a profit. It sounds like you are pursuing a hobby, or in the alternative, investing in some items. with a distant hope of reselling them at a profit. I would need more detail on what you are doing. =============================

I have heard that there are new rules regarding materials and supplies and some kind of repair versus capitalizing stuff. I have done some reading on it and I am puzzled. Can you help? I know of others who are just as confused.

VTY, Confused

Sign me,

Dear Confused,

Don’t know what to do.

There has been much discussion about these topics but there are some “safe harbor” rules and well as some De Minimis rules and others. It also involves a decision to file a Form 3115 with the return. It is somewhat based on facts and circumstances. Contact me to set up an appointment and I can review your circumstances.

Dear Don’t In most cases, your cost is what the fair market value of the stock on the date of death. If the stock is publicly traded, that should be easy to find. If not publicly traded, you may have to get an appraisal on what the stock is worth. ========================== Mr. Mark, My partner and I want to get married but he wants me to sign a prenuptial. I don’t want to.

He spends lots of money and I am frugal.

We love each other and get along the majority of the time. The worst thing is that if we get married it looks like we will be paying higher taxes.

What would be the best course of action for us?

Undecided

========================== Mr. Witecki, I purchased a large sitting table for my business which I hope someday will be worth much more than I paid for it, although at present it is just a regular table.

I like to buy things and hang onto them for a long time and hope to make money on them. So far that has not worked out but I am hoping it will. Time will tell. I plan on purchasing other items that are ordinary today but some day might be worth some money. Can I deduct the cost of these things I am buying?

Wondering

=============================

=============================

Answers that apply to specific taxpayers may not necessary apply to others. Changes in tax law and rules may affect answers given at any point. You can write Mark at Mark Witecki CPA CFP(R) CFE, 3701 State St, Schenectady, NY 12304. Mark D. Witecki specializes in small businesses and professional individuals. Mr. Witecki has a B. S. in Accounting from S. U. N. Y. Albany and an M. S. in Accounting from Syracuse University. Mark D. Witecki is a Certified Public Accountant, CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER ™ practitioner, Certified Fraud Examiner, Certified College Planning Specialist and is admitted to practice before the United States Tax Court. Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards Inc. owns the certification marks CFP® , CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ and federally registered CFP (with flame design) in the U.S., which it awards to individuals who successfully complete CFP Board’s initial and ongoing certification requirements. Mark’s office is located at 3701 State Street, Schenectady, New York

=============================

Mark D. Witecki

Certified Public Accountant Certified Financial Planner™ Certified Fraud Examiner Tax Preparation 3701 State Street, Schenectady, NY 12304 (518) 346-4000 f: (518) 346-5196 Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards, Inc. owns the Certified Marks CFP (c). Certified Financial Planner ™ and federally registered CFP (with flame design) in the U.S. which it awards to individuals who successfully complete CFP’s initial and ongoing certification requirements

24

Affiliate Events

Chorus Rehearsal The Albany Gay Men’s Chorus rehearses on Tuesday evenings from 6:45 to 9:00pm at the First Lutheran Church.

For more information: www.albanygmc.org, E-mail: albanygmc@yahoo.com, Voice-mail: (518) 459-7563 or join us on Facebook at: Albany Gay Men’s Chorus - AGMC.

Movie Night-Second Tuesday of each month We will begin at 5PM at Harvey’s Pub, 14 Phila Street Saratoga Springs,. From there, we can decide who wants to see what movies and leave accordingly for Bowtie Cinemas.

Lesbian Networking Breakfast We meet on the third Thursday of each month, at the Country Corner Café on Church Street in the upstairs dining room at 7:30 am. Latecomers are welcome.

Monthly GLBTQ Support Group Second Sunday of the Month Fallstaff Building, Skidmore College 3-4:30pm.

Contact Caroline with questions: 518.857.9361

QueerEngineer Get to know us & how you can support LGBTQ* students in science, technology, engineering, & mathematics. /QueerEngineer

agmc

is an affiliate of

AGMC

AGMC is looking for new members Albany Gay Men’s Chorus

@QueerEngineer

Rehearsals are Tuesdays 6:45 - 9:00 pm at the First Lutheran Church of Albany.

A Pride Center of the Capital Region affiliate

For more Information Website: www.albanygmc.org E-mail: albanygmc@yahoo.com Voice-mail: 518-459-7563 Join us on facebook... Albany Gay Men’s Chorus - agmc

25

ASK THE LAWYER by Geri Pomerantz

including cost, it is absolutely imperative that people consult with an attorney before doing assisted reproduction with a known donor or third party, even if you are married.

PROTECTING PARENT CHILD RELATIONSHIPS

The lawful spouse of a birth parent is presumed to be the second parent of a child born during the marriage.

However, that presumption can be challenged. Please do not rely on the presumption of legitimacy of a child born to a marriage to establish parental rights.

First , unless and until our marriages are recognized in every state, which may be very soon, the parentage that flows from the marriage will also not be recognized in non-recognition states. Moreover, a recent Monroe County case did not apply the presumption of legitimacy to a child born during a lesbian marriage.

This case is dangerous because the judge emphasized the biological differences between husbands and wives in terms of the presumption of legitimacy, and ruled that the lesbian spouse had no parental rights.

I have heard from too many parents, usually lesbians, about the devastating consequences of having insufficient legal protection of their relationships with her children. Lately, this mostly occurs upon the dissolution of the adult relationship with the child’s legal parent. But there are other situations too. While we have made incredible progress with marriage equality, that struggle has not necessarily helped many of these parents.

In New York, except for limited circumstances, only a legal parent has the right to make decisions about her child’s wellbeing, or to obtain a court order of custody or visitation of her child. Without parental rights, if you die without a will providing for her, your child will not be able to claim her statutory right to inherit as your child. She won’t be able to get your social security dependent benefits in the event of death or disability. You may not be able to make important decisions about the child, such as medical care, or enrolling her in school.

There are limited ways in which one becomes a legal parent in New York. A legal parent is the child’s biological or birth parent. You become a legal parent by adopting a child. New York law has long allowed for second parent adoptions by the intimate partner or spouse of a biological or adoptive parent, and a same sex couple can adopt a child together.

When a child is conceived using an unknown sperm donor through a clinic, the donor has waived his rights as a potential parent. But when a known donor is used, or a child is conceived by way of a third party, there can be multiple legal complications. The third party could successfully assert parental rights, equivalent to the birth mother, and the birth mother’s partner or spouse may not have any parental rights. While there are several reasons women or couples may prefer to use a known donor,

I cannot say this often enough: if it is your intention to be a parent to a child who is not biologically related to you, I urge you to adopt. If your partner or spouse is the legal parent of the child (by birth or adoption), she will need to consent to your second parent adoption.

What if the adoption never happens? It’s expensive, and intrusive, and we’d like to think it unnecessary. Or, it was one of those things that you just never got to. My heart is warmed by biological or adoptive mothers , who, after breaking up with their long term partner and co parent, cooperate to obtain an adoption in order to protect her relationship with their child. They do this because they want to act in their child’s best interests and because it is the right thing to do. It is those days that I am a proud lesbian lawyer. The collaborative law process, which focuses on the needs of the family and uses a holistic approach to conflict resolution, is ideal for these co-parents to work out any issues with parenting plans and support.

There are different considerations about adoption depending on how your family was formed. For example, the situation where a woman has a child and then enters into a new relationship is quite different from the situation where a couple decides together to have and raise a child. In the first situation, regardless of how fabulous your partner/spouse’s relationship is with your child, when and whether to allow your partner/ spouse to adopt, and whether as a partner you want to adopt the child, are huge decisions with significant and far reaching implications.

In this situation, it is critically important that each parent obtain independent and confidential legal advice as to your respective rights and obligations, before entering into a second or step parent adoption.

And then there are those days when I am no so proud. Perhaps the adoption didn’t happen because the legal parent wouldn’t consent to it. Maybe there are issues of domestic abuse, and this is one way to exercise power and control in the relationship, regardless of the devastating consequences for your child. When this couple breaks up, the child still believes that both women are her parents. But if there is no marital presumption to apply, absent certain limited exceptional circumstances, the legal mother has a superior right under the law to raise the child as she deems appropriate, without regard for the actual best interests of the child. If you are not a legal parent, and your ex doesn’t want you to have a relationship with your child, you may

Do we as a community

want

to embrace the concept that biology controls who is a parent?

LAW OFFICE OF GERI POMERANTZ, ESQ. Proudly serving the LGBT community and our friends

26

In the second situation, a couple decides to have and raise a child together, with the intention of creating a family, utilizing ART or perhaps a foreign adoption by one parent only because of homophobic adoption laws in the child’s country.

Here, to protect the parent childrelationship, second parent adoption for the non biological or non adoptive mother is critical. It is even possible get a pre-certification before the child is born, expressing your intentions to co parent. (If you are married at the time of ART with an unknown donor using a clinic, I still wouldn’t bet my parental rights on the application of the marital presumption.) Adoption of the child should be important to both parents, such that both parents can be recognized as full legal parents to their child.

Practice focused on family and matrimonial law

694 Columbia Turnpike East Greenbush, NY 12061 Tel: 518-479-3713 http://pomerantzlaw.org/

I often think about the role of community in the situation where a mom with parental rights exerts a superior right to parent over a mom without legal rights, who is nonetheless clearly a parent in every sense of the word. Do we as a community want to embrace the concept that biology controls who is a parent? What do we do about domestic abuse in our community, and how do we react to abusers who use their children to control their partners? Do we want to protect children’s relationships with adults they believe are their parents, when those relationships conflict with the wishes of a legal parent?

Finally, the Child Parent Security Act (A4319-2015; S2765-2015) has again been referred to committee (Assembly Judiciary Committee and Senate Children and Families committee).

There do not appear to be any capital district sponsors of this bill. The CPSA will establish a legal procedure for a partner of a biological or adoptive parent to be declared a parent through an order of parentage, making adoption unnecessary. The CPSA would also lift the ban in NY on gestational surrogacy contracts. If passed, the CPSA would be an important step in recognizing the ways in which families are formed and protect many parent child relationships.

Are you searching for a Financial Advisor?

Are you searching for a Financial Advisor?

Are you unhappy with your current advisor?

Are your accounts receiving the service they deserve?

Are you struggling to manage your portfolio on your own?

Has your portfolio lived up to your expectations?

Experience the Wells difference. If you are Are you unhappy withFargo your Advisors current advisor? looking for a Financial Advisor who stands apart from the crowd, Are your accounts receiving the service they deserve? come and see what makes us different.

We offer comprehensive Are you struggling to manage your portfolio on your own? investment advice, a broad range of investment choices, and Has your portfolio lived up to your expectations? dedicated personal service.

Experience the Wells Fargo Advisors difference. If you are looking for a Financial Advisor who stands apart from the crowd, come and see what makes us different. We offer comprehensive investment advice, a broad range of investment choices, and Meleco, DiNallo, Kelleher Wealth Management Group of Wells Fargo Advisors dedicated personal service.

CW Kelleher Vice President - Investment Officer 30 S Pearl St P-2 Albany, NY 12207 Direct:DiNallo, (518) 455-7461 Meleco, Kelleher Wealth Management Group of Wells Fargo Advisors cw.kelleher@wellsfargoadvisors.com www.melecodinallokelleher.wfadv.com CW Kelleher Vice President - Investment Officer 30 S Pearl St P-2 Albany, NYand 12207 Investment Insurance Products: u NOT FDIC Insured u NO Bank Guarantee u MAY Lose Value Direct: (518) 455-7461 Wells Fargo Advisors, LLC, Member SIPC, is a registered broker-dealer and a separate non-bank affiliate of cw.kelleher@wellsfargoadvisors.com Wells Fargo & Company. ©www.melecodinallokelleher.wfadv.com 2013 Wells Fargo Advisors, LLC. All rights reserved.

74034-v5 A1585

not have a right to even see your child or participate in her life. I urge any parent who finds herself in this heartbreaking situation to consult with counsel as soon as possible.

0214-03393

Investment and Insurance Products: u NOT FDIC Insured u NO Bank Guarantee u MAY Lose Value The legal rights of LGBTQ

families are an ever-changing landscape, to be addressed monthly in this column.

The material in this article is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended to give legal advice, and should not substitute for the independent advice of counsel. The views expressed in this column are solely those of Ms. Pomerantz and do not reflect the opinion of the Pride Center.

Geri Pomerantz is an attorney in the capital district with a practice focused on family and matrimonial law, specifically including LGBTQ issues. Geri conducts continuing legal education training for other lawyers on issues of importance to the LGBTQ community. Amongst other things, Geri is a member of the Collaborative Divorce Association of the Capital District.

Geri can be reached at pomerantzlaw@albany.twcbc.com

Wells Fargo Advisors, LLC, Member SIPC, is a registered broker-dealer and a separate non-bank affiliate of Wells Fargo & Company. © 2013 Wells Fargo Advisors, LLC. All rights reserved.

74034-v5 A1585

do not rely on the presumption of legitimacy of a child born to a marriage to establish parental rights

0214-03393

27

28

MICHAEL COOKS AND YOU CAN TOO by MICHAEL MEADE

Happy Saint Patrick's Day! Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig! Saint Patrick’s Day is fast approaching and even if you’re not Irish, you’re still welcome to join the festivities. If it involves a party, and especially if it involves good food, I’m a Cajun on Mardi Gras, Irish on Saint Patrick’s Day and German for Oktoberfest.

Irish food (like British food) has gotten a very bad reputation over the years, and rightly so. Most of it is bland, dull, overcooked and just plain awful. But in recent years, Irish cooking has undergone a remarkable Renaissance. In homes and restaurants across Ireland, local foodstuffs and time-honored recipes are being transformed with improved cooking methods and a wider variety of ingredients and seasonings.

So forget the corned beef and cabbage.

Instead, for Saint Patrick’s Day this year, we’re going to try some more sophisticated and delicious Irish fare. We have a recipe for beef stewed in Guinness (please don’t try substituting any other beer, it won’t be the same), Irish potato pancakes known as “Boxty” (the word is from the Irish “Bacstai” and refers to the traditional method of grilling over an open fire) and, to provide a grand finish, Irish Coffee. A Happy Saint Patrick’s Day to one and all!

Mash the cooked potatoes while still hot and add the grated raw potatoes.

Add the flour, soda and salt. Mix well and add enough buttermilk to make a stiff batter. Heat a heavy frying pan and grease with butter. Drop batter by spoonfuls onto heated pan and cook until crispy and golden brown on both sides. Serves four to six.

Beef Stew with Guinness 1 & 1/2 pounds chuck or round steak, cut into chunks 1/2 pound carrots, peeled and cut into bitesized pieces 2 medium onions, peeled and chopped 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour, seasoned with salt and pepper 2-3 tablespoons cooking oil 1/2 tsp fresh basil, minced 2/3 cup Guinness 1 teaspoon honey 1 cup beef stock Fresh parsley, chopped

Irish Coffee

In a large heavy pot or Dutch oven, heat the oil and cook the onions until they are soft. Transfer with a slotted spoon to a large, shallow, oven-proof dish. Toss the beef in the seasoned flour and brown quickly in the hot fat. Remove the beef and place on top of the onions. Arrange the carrots around the beef. If necessary, add a little more fat to the pan and stir in the left-over seasoned flour. Cook for a minute or two, stirring constantly.

Add the basil and the Guinness. Allow to cook for another minute or two and then add the honey and the stock. Again, bring to a boil and then pour over the beef, carrots and onions.

Cover with a lid or foil and cook in a 325 degree oven for about 1 1/2 hours.

Sprinkle with chopped parsley before serving. Serves four.

1 cup freshly-brewed hot coffee 1 tablespoon brown sugar 1 jigger Irish whiskey (1 and 1/2 ounces) Heavy Cream, slightly whipped

Fill a heavy footed glass or a mug with hot water to preheat it, then empty.

Pour piping hot coffee into warmed glass until it is about 3/4 full. Add the brown sugar and stir until completely dissolved. Blend in Irish whiskey. Top with a collar of the whipped heavy cream by pouring gently over back of spoon. Serve hot.

Michael Meade graduated from the Culinary Institute of America in Hyde Park, New York, worked at Jack’s Oyster House in Albany and is currently sous-chef at Thunder Mountain Curry in Troy.

gs pot.com r

wrpi.org

PM

22 s

year s 8 ounces freshly-cooked potatoes 8 ounces peeled raw potatoes, grated 2 cups white flour 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 1 to 1 & 1/2 cups buttermilk Salt Butter (for frying)

2

Boxty

the

Questions and comments are welcome at Michaelmeade1215@yahoo.com.

Proudly continuing to serve as the voice of the LGBT community after 22 years…

Live every Sunday 10AM – 2 PM Check us “OUT”: WRPI 91.5 FM or wrpi.org 518.276.6248 • homoradio.blogspot.com

voic

ve ng as to the serve voice as to the serve voice as the voice Proudly continuing to the serve as the voice uing ycontinuing continuing Proudly to serve continuing as to the serve voice Proudly as to the serve voice continuing as voice to serve as voice Proudly continuing to the serve as the voice Proudly continuing to years… serve as the voice munity GBT ter 22 community years… after 22 years… after 22 of the LGBT community after 22 years… mmunity LGBT of the community after LGBT 22 community years… after of 22 the years… after LGBT 22 community years… after 22 years…

Proudly continuing Proudly continuing Proudly to serve continuing as to the serve voice as to the serve voice as the voice of the LGBT community after 22 years…

29 of the LGBT community after 22 years… of the LGBT of the community LGBT of the community after LGBT 22 community years… after 22 years… after 22 years… unday M ive – every 2every PM 10AM Sunday – 2 PM 10AM –continuing 22 PM Proudly Proudly continuing Proudly toPM serve continuing to the serve voice toPM the serve voice the voice Live every Sunday 10AM –as 2 PM Sunday Live 10AM Sunday Live – every 2 PM 10AM Sunday – PM 10AM Live – every 2 Sunday 10AM – as 2 Live every Sunday 10AM –as 2 PM

WRPI FM us “OUT”: or 91.5 wrpi.org FM WRPI or“OUT”: 91.5 wrpi.org FM or wrpi.org Live every Sunday 10AM 2Check PM us “OUT”: WRPI 91.5 FM or wrpi.org :k WRPI us “OUT”: Check 91.5 WRPI FM us or 91.5 wrpi.org FM WRPI or Check 91.5 wrpi.org FM us– “OUT”: or wrpi.org WRPI 91.5 FM or wrpi.org Check us “OUT”: WRPI 91.5 FM wrpi.org of the LGBT of the community LGBT of the community after LGBT 22 community years… after 22 years… after 22 Live every Sunday Live every 10AM Sunday Live – or every 2 PM 10AM Sunday – 2 PM 10AM – 2 PMyears…

Advertisers Index

Your Point of Entry for Information, Referral and Assistance to Long Term Care Services Montgomery County Office for Aging, Inc. & Montgomery County Department of Social Services

1-888-460-9624 518-843-2300 518-853-5088

Thomas J. Walling, CFP®

INVESTMENT ADVISER REPRESENTATIVE

NY Insurance License #LA910069 235 Lark St., Suite 43 Albany, NY 12210 Direct: 518.878.1294 thomas.walling@ceteranetworks.com Cetera Advisor Networks, LLC, Member FINRA/SIPC

EVENTS THINGS TO DO CONTESTS

Guide to the Capital Region DINING NIGHTLIFE DIRECTORY & MORE!

30

Albany.com.....30 Albany Bombers Hockey.....28 Albany Gay Men’s Chorus....25 Albany Law School.....39 Albany Medical Center.....14 Albany and Rensselaer County Cancer Services Program.....14 Buenau’s Opticians.....27 Canterbury Animal Hospital.....11 Choices Counseling & Consulting.....11 Corey Jamison Consulting.....10 Drue Sanders Custom Jewelers.....13 HomoRadio.....29 Interim Healthcare.....13 Jay Zhang Photography.....10 Law Office of Geri Pomerantz....26 Joseph Roche, Accountant.....31 Ronnie Mangione, Financial Advisor.....11 Montgomery County Office for the Aging.....30 Northeast Acura.....13 Queer Engineer.....25 Presbyterian Rainbow.....8 Realty USA - The Capital Team.....13 Reunion Latina Training Institute.....2 RiverStone Consulting.....10 Saratoga Pride.....25 Security Plumbing and Heating Supply.....10 Skylands Services.....11 Spectrum 8 Theatre.....37 The State Room.....8 Times Union Center.....37 Tri City Rentals.....40 Welcoming Congregations.....17 Wells Fargo Advisors.....27 Thomas J. Walling, CFP® / Cetera Advisor Networks.....30 Mark Witecki CPA, CFP......24

Place your ad in CommUNITY and expand your brand awareness while directly reaching the important LGBTQ market For more information contact Steven @ 518-462-6138 or sminchin@capitalpridecenter.org

out

in

the

garden

How Sweet It Is by

I don’t try to put myself out of business, but sometimes I encounter a book so good I want to give it to my customers and say, “Here, read this and then you can fix your problems yourself!” Of course, no book is quite that good; there is always a need for the interpreter and implementer. But Rebecca Sweet’s Refresh Your Garden Design with Color, Texture, and Form (2013) comes close to making the ordinary designer unnecessary.

I have been a Rebecca Sweet fan since I first encountered her column, “Harmony in the Garden,” in Horticulture, a magazine I read religiously. My appreciation of her work went up a notch when I discovered Garden Up (2010), a book she wrote with Susan Morrison.

Gardeners work in four dimensions, but it is often the third dimension, the vertical, that gives us the most difficulty. I had a customer whose garden needed vertical elements to make it more dynamic and dramatic. Sweet expanded my repertory for solving my immediate problem, but she also opened my eyes to the possibilities of the living wall and growing vegetables vertically.

In Refresh Your Garden Design, Sweet works with already existing gardens, the situation that most of us face. She provides tools for identifying design problems and she offers do-able solutions to these problems, solutions that the home gardener or small-scale designer can implement. Sweet provides ample before and after photos with sidebar texts that clearly indicate what changes have been made and to what effect. She emphasizes and explains basic design concepts such as flow, connection, repetition, balance throughout the book and shows us how to realize these concepts in our gardens. She provides easy to grasp and useful tips in every chapter and

Judith Fetterley

lots of them. For example, in the chapter on color she tells us how to use the color wheel to determine the mood and temperature of our garden – hot and happy, cool and serene; how to use color to make a garden seem larger or more intimate; how to use color to create balance when a walkway garden is larger on one side of the path than the other; how to use color to direct the eye away from an eyesore.

Author Rebecca Sweet

Sweet addresses what is perhaps the primary problem for the ordinary gardener – how to see our gardens with fresh eyes. If we cannot identify a problem, we cannot solve it. Often we sense that something is not quite right with our garden, but we have become so familiar with our garden’s look that we cannot actually see the forest or the trees. Sweet suggests that we take photographs, lots and lots and lots of them.

When we look at our garden in a photograph it is as if we were seeing it for the first time and we can suddenly realize, “Oh, wow, there’s a big hole in the middle where the Baptisia used to be!”

Or, “Yikes, that pink and orange combo I fell for at Hewitts really doesn’t work.”

Or, “Holy, moly, that shrub I planted in front of the air conditioner actually draws attention to it!” Sweet also suggests that we switch our photos to black and white mode for a different kind of seeing afresh. When we strip away the distracting element of color, the bones of the garden emerge more clearly and

we can clearly see if our garden lacks contrast, is filled with shapeless forms repeated way too often, lacks winter interest, is filled with disappearing plants or unconnected dots.

Following Rebecca Sweet’s advice, I turned my eye onto black and white mode and before the snow came and buried the garden I made some major redesign changes in my head to the long perennial border. I could suddenly see lack of contrast and shapeless forms and dots not connected and, seeing the problem, could then imagine how to fix it. As I evaluate my gardens and those of my customers this coming season, I will also be invoking a concept Sweet has given me a name for – “layering.” “Layering” refers to how plants relate in space in terms of color, texture, form and shape. It involves, for example, the repetition of a particular color at different heights and depths or the way a branch of dark purple Physocarpus (Ninebark) cuts into the space occupied by a golden Chamacypaeris. According to Sweet, “It’s the artful combination of these different elements that help to transform an ordinary garden into one that is memorable, meaningful and magical.”

We all need help. It is sweet to give and receive help. I am grateful to Rebecca Sweet for the help she has given me.

And I am grateful to be able to help others in the work Sweet and I both love best -- identifying and solving garden design problems.

Judith Fetterley lives and gardens in Glenmont, New York. She also runs Perennial Wisdom, a garden design business for new and existing gardens.

Reach Judith at f etterleyj@gmail.com

31

HERE’S GUFFMAN by PATRICK WHITE

“WAITING” IN ALBANY

For me the waiting is over because I’ve been waiting to work with Linda Shirey since I auditioned for her production of (my then boyfriend) Joe Norton’s “Coffee Box” over two decades ago when we were both nascent theatre artists running around with mutual friends. Four people auditioned for three roles and I didn’t get it but I still remember her rejection. She told me I was too good to work with the others and I would have thrown off the balance of the play. 25 years later, she’s directing me in Confetti Stage’s production of “Waiting For Godot” at the Albany Masonic Hall, 2/27-3/8. I sat down with her before a rehearsal and caught up with her.

We knew a lot of the same people. I saw your production of “My Sister in this House” with Dee Hanbury and Johanna Day. What else were you doing in the city? I was very involved in an after school program for inner city kids called Brooklyn Kids Onstage. I was involved in the music theatre program. I did that for a couple of years while we had funding but eventually the city just destroyed it which was too bad because these kids had nowhere to go and they just loved it and they were super, super talented-kids who could sing and dance and act. My favorite was we did a production of “Oklahoma!” and we had 10 kids, all between the ages of 10 and 14 and these little black kids playing cowboys and country girls. They were probably the best cast I ever worked with in my life. I did that for 4 years until they lost their funding.

What drove you upstate? The last year that I stayed in New York (pause) was the worst year in my life. We had just done a show. There was a little theatre on 18th street and the people we rented from loved us. We had all these wonderful people working with us and they had offered us to stay as their resident company but during that year the person I had staying in my apartment, I had gone away to visit my family, got followed home and kept her there for two days and raped her. And I couldn’t go back to my apartment because every time I’d go back-she’s gone on with her life, I don’t know how you get thru

32

something like that. I couldn’t stay in my apartment and I didn’t know what to do.

Also it was a high point of a very big group of friends, my male friends had gone thru the AIDS epidemic and I had lost a lot of my male friends that way.

Actually my friend who lived upstairs, I experienced a really horrific event with him and he passed away. Ummm and I think that was the year where I said I just don’t want to be here. I was drinking heavily and doing drugs and doing all this stuff I knew was self-destructive.

I knew I just couldn’t stay in New York right now cuz I knew where this is going. Even though theatre was this big draw, this outlet, there’s the community draw, that’s what I really wanted to do.

I just thought: I can’t stay here. I know where I’m going. I’m going to be dead in five years if I don’t get out of New York.

Why “Godot”? It’s always been on my

back burner and I’ve never felt mature enough to take it on and and I’m not sure I’m mature enough now but I think it takes a great deal of skill to make it work as a director, it takes a great deal of maturity to understand the simplicity without getting bogged down in the intellectual qualities.

I look at it like it’s still so timely. I think it will always be timely. You’re talking about the basic elements of life. Living each day, trying to get through each day when the burdens are difficult. They are no more difficult or maybe they are more difficult than in the ‘50’s but we’re still trying to figure out who we are and how we fit into the universe and what’s out there and what’s out beyond the walls we’re safely comforted in. What’s beyond life? I still feel mesmerized by it. I still feel it’s timely for an audience who’s patient enough to sit through it and listen to the poetry of it, listen to the simplicity of it, listen to the life story being told here, the companionship, the humor…I’m very passionate about it.

What do you say to people who say Beckett is bleak, dreary. “Nothing happens. Nobody comes, nobody goes. It’s

awful.” There’s always a banana peel in this play. There’s nothing funnier than people’s unhappiness. Their fascination with meaningless detail. Their fascination with the tree that bears no leaves.

They show hop. They show happiness.

They show interest. They show fear.

They show everything about human life.

People who say they don’t like Beckett, I challenge an audience to come and I’ll say to them “What did you really hate about this?” Come see it and open your minds. How often do you open an Albany paper and see a Beckett play?

Do you think “Godot” has anything to say to the LGBTQ community, in particular? It’s funny you asked me

that question because he could’ve written about a man and a woman and he didn’t. He wrote a story about two men.

He wrote about two men in a bondage state. He wrote about a young boy.

A lot of women asked me if I was going to cast women in this play and I said no, it’s not a female play. This is a story about men. This is a story about men and men’s perspective on life and the world and it’s sexual. I think there’s a lot of sexuality between Vladimir and Estragon. I think maybe you know, there’s nothing else out there and they’re dependent on each other but they don’t resist each other. They bond, they hide, they show compassion and love for one another, they bicker with each other as if they had been married fifty years so is there an underlying homosexual theme in this play? Yeah. Is there a sexual theme in this play? Yeah, of course there is. They show love for each other. They show hatred for each other. They show anger for each other.

They complete each other’s sentences… they’re a couple.

$64,000 question. who is Godot? I’m not so sure I think Godot is a person.

I don’t know. I’ll go through the rest of my life like everybody trying to figure it out. I really don’t think it was answered for a reason. I do follow his train of thought…if he knew he would have answered it. If Godot was meant to be there, he would have been in the

This is a story about men and men’s perspective on life and the world and it’s sexual.

Members cast list. We don’t know who God is up there anymore than we know who Godot is down here. If I were to answer it, part of me would say Godot is death.

We’re waiting to die. We go from this moment to the next moment to the next moment waiting for the moment when the moments stop. That’s what I think Godot is, waiting for our final moments.

Play that changed your life:

Samuel Beckett’s “Endgame.” There’s a ticking in my head. Hamm. That is my favorite play of all plays. In my silence I hear that dripping and it reminded me that in our life, it is fading away every day and those moments of hearing that silence, and I guess I hear the silences in “Godot” and I hear the silences in “Endgame” and they’re just always riveting to me because when you hear the silences, you hear the ticking and I love Hamm for that.

That was the play that made me understand that theatre can be nothing more than an actor onstage. I’m not fond of props. I’m not fond of fancy costumes.

I’m not fond of set changes. All you need to do a play is to listen to the voice of an actor and what he or she is doing in that particular moment is the most fascinating part of seeing a show.

Handling a prop or moving a chair, it all becomes cumbersome and it takes away from what I like best about theatre which is the storytelling of the actor, so all that stuff I’m not interested in. I’m really interested in what you as an actor do with a moment you’ve been given onstage and hearing that tickingtick, tick, tick-that makes me excited.

Patrick White is an actor, director and teacher who will be performing in “Waiting For Godot” 2/27-3/8. He teaches an Adult Acting class open to all levels and is an adjunct instructor of acting at the University at Albany. white.patrick1963@gmail.com

Alliance for Positive Health Albany.com Albany Renaissance BBL Hospitality Aras Performance Group, Inc Bank of America/ Merrill Lynch Buenau's Opticians Capital District YMCA Canterbury Animal Hospital Central Avenue BID Charles F. Lucas Confectionery / The Grocery Classy Body Art Corey Jamison Consulting, LLC. Connections Psychotherapy Consumer Optical Deb Best Practices Deja Vu Experience and Creative Design, Ltd. Geri Pomerantz, Esq Homo Radio / WRPI Interim Healthcare Janet Stein / Arbonne International Jay Zhang Photography Joseph Roche, Accountant Journey United Church of Christ Key Bank L&P Media Mazzone Hospitality / Aperitivo Bistro Mexican Radio Schenectady Montgomery County Office for Aging Northeast Acura Rain Modern Chinese Ronnie Mangione / Wealth Advisory Group RBC Wealth Management Scofield Access Solutions LLC Security Plumbing & Heating Supply Skylands Services, INC Spectrum 8 Theatre Sunrise Management and Consulting Tri City Rentals Wells Fargo Mark D. Witecki, CPA Wolff’s Biergarten, Schenectady

2015

LGBTQA Professionals Networking Event

TUESDAY MARCH 3rd 6-8PM

PECK’S ARCADE 217 Broadway Troy $10 Suggested Donation

1883

PECK'S ARCADE

- JOIN THE BUSINESS ALLIANCE TODAY! -

www.capitalpridecenter.org/resources/business-alliance

33

34

Special Events Tuesday 3/3 Saturday 3/7 Leadership Development Council Meet and Greet The Gay Soiree!

The Leadership Development Council is a diverse group of LGBTQ professionals and allies dedicated to the preservation and future growth of the Pride Center of the Capital Region. The Council’s mission is to develop and empower young LGBTQ and allied professionals and develop a new generation of leaders within our community.

This event is for anyone who is looking to: Obtain more information about the council Join the council or Network with other professionals seeking professional development opportunities Tuesday, March 3 Peck’s Arcade 217 Broadway, Troy 5-6 pm FREE!

The Pride Center and Honorary Co-Chairs John Daniels (The Wizard) & Kate Otis (Dorothy) cordially invite you to join us and dress like you’re in the Merry Old Land of Oz! Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh My! THE funky formal (Tin Man), gender bender (Scarecrow), high fashion (Cowardly Lion) The Gay Soiree attracts a wide variety of people for a night filled with dancing and fun. Held at the new and improved State Room in downtown Albany!

Please note, this event is for AGES 18+ ONLY Eat! Drink! Dance! And be Merry!

Gay Soiree!

Hors D’oeuvres & Lite Fare Cash Bar Complimentary Virgin Drink Bar Dance Music by Oz, The Great & Powerful

Tuesday 3/3 LGBTQA Professionals’ Networking Event

Presented by

Don’t miss the biggest monthly LGBTQA event in the Capital Region. This month the Business Alliance brings its Professionals Networking Event to Peck’s Arcade in Troy for another great evening of food, drink and connecting with other lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and allied professionals.

Tuesday, March 3 Peck’s Arcade 217 Broadway, Troy 6-8 pm $10 Suggested Donation

1883

PECK'S ARCADE

for your convenience, you can donate online in advance:

www.capitalpridecenter.org/events/marchnetworking

Friday 3/6 Opening Reception: Young Artist Showcase Join us for a very special 1st Friday opening reception in celebration of the talents of over a dozen young LGGBTQA visual artists and musicians!

Friday, February 6 Romaine Brooks Gallery 332 Hudson Ave, Albany 5-9 pm Free!

Saturday, February 7 The State Room 100 State St., Albany 7-11pm Soiree Ticket: $45 per person/$65 per couple, Student & Discount Ticket: $25 in advance Emerald Honorary Committee + ticket: $145 per person/$215 per couple tickets may also be purchased online at www.capitalpridecenter. org or by calling the Pride Center at 518.462.6138.

LOOKING AHEAD : April LGBTQA Professionals Networking Event

Thursday 4/16: Circus Cafe, 392 Broadway, Saratoga Springs, NY 12866

GET EVENT UPDATES:

35

Calendar AUDITIONS / CALL FOR ENTRIES Open Auditions for All Performers Friday 3/20 & Tuesday 3/24: Be a part of the show at this year’s Say It Loud: Black & Latino Gay Pride! Open auditions and coaching for all types of acts, all are welcome! Coaching is available. Contact Gabby for more information, questions. 6pm In Our Own Voices 245 Lark St., Albany (518) 432-4188 FUN & GAMES / ETCETERA Gay Skate Tuesdays: An open skate for the LGBTQ Community! $9.50 w. Skate Rental / $6.50 w. your own skates. For more info contact David at DB40@AOL.com or (518) 573-3962 - 7-9:30pm Rollarama Skating Center 2710 Hamburg St., Schenectady Saturday 3/28 - Open Skate with the Albany Bombers Hockey Team 5:30-6:30 pm Knickerbacker Ice Arena 191 103rd St., Troy KARAOKE Mondays: Waterworks Pub - 10pm 2am, No Cover 76 Central Ave, Albany, (518) 465-9079 Thursdays: Oh Bar - 10pm - 1am, 21+, No Cover 304 Lark St., Albany, (518) 463-9004 Fridays: Waterworks Pub - 10pm 18+ (w. cover) 76 Central Ave, Albany, (518) 465-9079 Rocks - 9pm-12am 77 Central Ave, Albany, (518) 472-3588 Saturdays: Circus Cafe - 10pm - 2am, 21+ 392 Broadway, Saratoga, (518) 583-1106 OPEN MIC / LITERARY Wednesday, 3/11: Live from the Livingroom open mic w. featured poet Robert Eaton - 7pm The Pride Center, Garden Level 332 Hudson Ave, Albany, (518) 462-6138 Thursday 3/05 & 3/19: Open Minded Mic & Talent Showcase (for all performers)- 8-10pm Rocks 77 Central Ave., Albany (518) 472-3588 SOCIAL / SUPPORT GROUPS Out of the Closet I Am (for women who have sex with women): 1st & 3rd Wednesdays- 6:30pm-8pm Men’s Empowerment Group: 1st & 3rd Thursdays -6-7:30pm

36

Voices of Unity (for Transgender people of color): 2nd & 4th Wednesday of each month from 6pm-7:30pm Groups listed above meet at In Our Own Voices 245 Lark St., Albany (518) 432-4188 YouthPride! A student led meeting that centers around helping LGBTQ students and allied students discuss matters in our community, schools, and in their Gay Straight Alliances (GSAs) that they have in their schools. YouthPride provides leadership development and an opportunity to help plan activities around GLSEN’s Days of Action and Days of Support. 1st Friday of the month 6-9pm Professor Java’s Coffee Sanctuary 217 Wolf Rd., Colonie Trans Partners Group: provides support for people to discuss and explore their relationships with trans-identified or gender non-conforming individuals.

Open to people currently in partnerships with trans-people or people exploring their gender identities. Monthly on Tuesdays at 5pm. Contact Faith Hoffman at faith@choicesconsulting.com for more information.

Choices Counseling and Consulting 523 Western Ave. Suite 2A Albany, NY 12203-1617 (518)438-2222 SPECIAL EVENTS Friday 3/06 - Sunday 3/08 - Bear Albany & Ego Parties: Best in Show!

After this “Ruff ” winter season, Bear Albany is teaming up with EGO Parties to thaw off our paws, shake off the cold of winter, and party hard at our BEST IN SHOW party (March 06-08). This special freak show of an evening will feature big furry beefcakes, performances by the EGO Parties, and dancing till everyone is barking like a dog. Attendees are welcome to participate, but by no means required to do anything other than gawk at the crazy visual and audio circus! EGO Parties, hosted by Isis Vermouth feature some of the most unique shows in the Albany and Hudson Valley regions. Acts range from classic camp, to performance art, hard core trash, and everything inbetween. Whatever form they take, the demented divas of EGO are sure to leave a fabulous permanent scar.

For full schedule & hotel information: www.bearalbany.com Friday, 3/06- Albany Empire Soccer Club 5th Anniversary Celebration This is an all-Inclusive event so bring your friends and significant other -all

you spectators out there! Please come out, eat some food, ride a bull, and hang out with us for a couple of hours. Beer and cocktails will be available at the cash bar. We will most likely head over to Waterworks Pub to celebrate some more!

Come out Come out!

8:30-10:30 2015 Member: $0, All Others: $10, City Beer Hall, 42 Howard St., Albany Friday 03/13- Sexversations for Women who love Women Join us for a night of sexversations around orgasms, consent, power play, kink and overall sexual health. Bring your appetite for self-love, mental stimulation and sharing in community.

Rocks 77 Central Ave, Albany (518) 472-3588 Joy Families Weekend Conference Friday 3/20-Sunday 3/22: At the Holiday Inn Arena and University Downtown Center in Binghamton, NY. PLEASE NOTE REGISTRATION DEADLINES: Deadline to register children and youth: Friday, February 27 Deadline to register adults: Friday, March 6 SPORTS Albany Bomber’s Hockey Saturday, 3/07: vs. Lucky B’s - 7:00pm Knickerbacker Ice Arena 191 103rd St., Troy Saturday 3/28 : Blue vs White fundraiser game for GLSEN - 7:00pm Knickerbacker Ice Arena 191 103rd St., Troy Albany All-Stars Roller Derby Sunday, 3/01 - Double header vs. MidHudson Misfits & The Quadfathers 1:00pm Washington Avenue Armory 195 Washington Ave, Albany Hellions of Troy Roller Derby Saturday 3/07 vs. Royal City Roller Girls - 7:00 pm 2710 Hamburg St., Rotterdam TRIVIA Live Trivia with Frieda Tuesdays, 8-10pm Rocks 77 Central Ave, Albany (518) 472-3588 Wednesdays: Oh Bar - 9pm-12am 304 Lark St., Albany (518) 463-9004

To have your event listed email the details to info@capitalpridecenter.org by the 15th of the month BEFORE the event. See more events at www.capitalpridecenter.org/upcoming-events

37

V I N TA GE PR ID E: W h o W e Are ! inte rvie we d b y Chuck Z imme r man The Many Aspects of Joe: Reminiscing Joe Norton

Carolyn Beeker

interviewed Joe at his Loudonville home.

He opened

the garden gate, bare-butt naked, and asked her if this venue would suffice during the question and answers….

My relocation to Albany from the Catskills in 2004 opened the floodgates for my acquiring new and additional first and secondhand knowledge of this peculiar little short and fragile looking elderly man as I first perceived him [CommUNITY, December 2014]. During my initial interview with Norton for the purpose of a potential news article involving vintage-aged Capital District GLBT movers and shakers for ’the cause’ , Joe provided me with a folder which contained several personally written memoirs that were all undated. “Twentyfive Years of CDLGCC - A Personal View” summarizes in less than two pages his thoughts regarding the founding and evolution of the Capital District Lesbian And Gay Community Center. Since we are presently celebrating the 45th anniversary of the our renamed Pride Center the article was probably written in or about 1995.

Joe Norton, in the memoir, credits the center with providing him twenty-five years of something to do! The Center, he also indicated, had been the catalyst for the spawning of many diverse groups, some no longer functioning [the Hudson-Mohawk Business and Professional Association] and others continuing and developing in strength

38

[AIDS Task Force of the Capital District, to become the AIDS Council of North Eastern New York]. Only the basement of the building which now houses the Pride Center of the Capital Region [322 Hudson Street] was originally rented and was the Crisis Center called Refer, according to Joe’s writings. A group of nine individuals made the decision to purchase the entire structure, and Norton emphatically stated to me….“let the record show that I did not provide the funds to purchase the Community Center building, but instead, my name was used for the necessary legal purposes”. Joe Norton’s prime satisfaction, according to the memoir summary, follows …..”And now the greatest event: the hiring of an Executive Director.

At last the organization has full-time leadership.”

Everyone who knew Joe Norton has a story.

Some are rift with humor…. Carolyn Beeker , studying for her Doctorate while heading up the Men’s Project for HIV studies involving area men, interviewed Joe at his Loudonville home. He opened the garden gate, bare-butt naked, and asked her if this venue would suffice during the question and answers….she declined and he covered. Joe invited several friends and me for dinner one evening at his Elk Street home. Follow-

ing dessert he informed us, his guests, that the roast we had consumed was retrieved from four or five year old foods secured from the bottom of his freezer following an over-due cleaning. Mentioned that evening was Joe’s chagrin on not receiving a proper acknowledgement from the mid-west S&M museum that had recently been the recipient of a majority of his personal sexually oriented equipment. He often utilized and or demonstrated this paraphernalia at courses he conducted during his retired years. Ask Joe Norton’s former Loudonville neighbors what they thought of his notorious parties; all responses many not be total humor. And not everyone enjoys having their nipples tweaked to pain-level.

I attended Joe Norton’s memorial service at the First Unitarian Universalist Society of Albany. Joe was an active participant there and often acted as a greeter to members and guests for Sunday services. The memorial service was not a somber affair! I spoke about Joe’s involvement with S.T.A.R.S [men’s ‘fraternal’ group] and of my being the last member to be accepted into S.T.A.R.S a mere month or two before its’ demise. A woman praised Norton for his benevolence in assisting her through her college years. Others spoke of their first hand experiences and recollections, ranging from a multitude of Pride Center activities over years, kink experiences, his ministry of prison inmates, student experiences at SUNY Albany where Joe was professor of psychology, and his being instrumental in having the definition of homosexuality redefined, excluding it as ‘mental illness’.

How man aspects of Joe’s multifaceted life have become and will become recorded history? Reminiscing Joe Norton may answer that question.

Mentioned that evening was Joe’s chagrin on not receiving a proper acknowledgement from the mid-west S&M museum [to be continued]

A free program addressing legal issues in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender communities

FrEE ANd opEN to All SAturdAy, MArCH 21 10:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m.

Offering legal assistance on issues such as: • Name changes

Advance registration is appreciated.

For more information, or to volunteer to participate, contact 518-445-2304 or pbarn@albanylaw.edu or psautterwalker@albanylaw.edu SPONSORED BY: GE POWER & WATER LEXIS NEXIS

• Adoptions • Child custody • Immigration • Employment discrimination • Civil rights

COMMUNITY PARTNERS: Empire State Pride Agenda Herzog Law Firm Human Rights Campaign In Our Own Voices Latimer Law Firm, pllc NYCLU Pride Center of the Capital Region Project Hope Sullivan Keenan Oliver & Violando, llp Trevor Project

80 new scotland avenue, albany, new york 12208 tel:

518-445-2326

www.albanylaw.edu

39

NON-PROFIT US POSTAGE

P AID PERMIT #798 ALBANY, NY

332 Hudson Avenue Albany, NY 12210

Distinguished Living...Successful Living...Gay Living Tri City Rentals is a Proud Supporter of the LGBT Community

Visit one of our 24 Fine Capital District Apartment Communities

www.TriCityRentals.com

518.862.6600