Issue 22

VOL UME

47

NORTH VANCOUVER

MARCH 24TH 2014

ISSUE

N O . 22

Slaughterhouse Science

How the meat of the future will be butchered in the lab

BABY TRUDEAU

CAMPUS BATTLEGROUND

POPPIN' CHERRIES

COFFEE DUMPS

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CAPILANO Courier 09

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News

A+C

features

opinions

columns

Calendar

CABOOSE

Shopping Drunk

Tasting Terms

Enjoy Employment

Tinderella

Friendships

Cheryl's Grandma

Old Banana

VOLUME

Katherine Gillard News Editor

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS:

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47 ISSUE N O . 22

Capilanocourier.com

06

Leah Scheitel Editor-in-Chief

CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS:

THE CAPILANO COURIER

@capcourier

04

The Staff

2

@capilanocourier

of this OBJECTIVE & UNBIASED news source.

Kristi Alexandra Copy Editor

Andy Rice Arts + Culture Editor

Cheryl Swan Art Director

Therese Guieb Features Editor

Andrew Palmquist Production Manager

Faye Alexander Opinions Editor

Jeremy Hanlon Caboose Editor

Scott Moraes Managing Editor

Ricky Bao Business Manager

Carlo Javier Staff Writer

Lindsay Howe Marketing + Web Editor

Alva Tee, David Young, Julia Gabriel, Michael Ros, Gabriel Scorgie, Steve Tornes, Keara Farnan, Amber Bedard, Kevin Kapenda, Tomas Borsa, Amy Poulston, Brian Cameron

Chris Dedinsky, Danielle Mainman, Cristian Fowlie, Alain Champagne, Ksenia Kozhevnikova, Cole Pauls, Arin Ringwald, Vivian Liu, Jocelyn Wong, Jana Vanduin, Kristen Wright, Crystal Lee, Ekaterina Aristova

The Capilano Courier is an autonomous, democratically run student newspaper. Literary and visual submissions are welcomed. All submissions are subject to editing for brevity, taste, and legality. The Capilano Courier will not publish material deemed by the collective to exhibit sexism, racism or homophobia. The views expressed by the contributing writers are not necessarily those of the Capilano Courier Publishing Society.

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Expectations and excuses “I'm not good at a lot of things, especially thinking things through.” - Guy Trilby in Bad Words

Let me be frank for a sentence: these editorials have gotten more difficult to write every week. I know I have mentioned (or bitched) about this before in a previous editorial. It seems to be the pattern when I write these in a rush. But this is harder for different reasons, specifically two. And, given that you’ll read it through, I will explain.

The first reason is that I have a habit of writing my editorials like nobody will ever read them. That is a fault of mine. My writing style can be described as “open”, and I tend not to hold back personal details. It’s almost as if I’m a 13-year-old girl and using these editorials as a “Dear Diary” outlet. That’s not my intention when I set out to write my weekly exerpt, but it is often the outcome. It’s not always a bad thing, and it has made for some interesting reading for my staff members. But it is awkward when it seeps into my personal life. Over the past week, I’ve become more aware of people who know way more about me than I know about them, and it’s because they read these every week. It’s a mixed bag of emotions — I’m happy that people are reading the Courier, and my work in general, but also slightly disheartened. They have a head start on knowing me — everyone reading this does. But what can be expected when I write about such personal things?

That’s reason number one why this editorial has weighed heavy this week — I feel the need to censor myself now that I’m aware of others reading it. And I’m going to be the first to admit that it’s a hindrance, and I apologize for that. It’s almost like stage fright. Someone is amazing when they’re singing to their friends and using a hair straightener as a microphone. Add an audience and all they want to do is pee their pants and run off stage. That’s what I’m feeling this week.

The second reason this editorial has been my demise is because of the unexpected popularity of last week’s letter. As ritual dictates, I worry about what to say until the last minute, and last week was no exception.

On Thursday evening, I poured a glass of whiskey, sat down at my computer and 15 minutes later I had 1,000 words on my luck, the overdose of my brother and killing a pack rat with an axe. I thought of it as another barf up of words, but my editor, Scott, wrote back saying it was his favourite one yet.

If you’ve ever met Scott, you’d understand that this compliment means something. It’s like Picasso saying that your art is deep and harsh yet he understands and enjoys it. But that compliment plagued me with the idea that I have to top it, and I don’t know how to do that. I’ve thought about other sentimental stories

Leah Scheitel × Editor-in-Chief

and anecdotes that I could pour into this editorial, but nothing felt like it was of any value. So I did what most writers do and waited until the last minute to see what panic would produce. To my dismay, and probably to Scott’s, it’s about how pressure is making things worse. Pressure and censorship — basically the two evils that cause mainstream media to be the mess that it is.

There can be a silver lining to this editorial, and believe me, I hope it’s not a waste of time to read. But while talking the few sparks of ideas I had by talking with a few friends, the idea of expectations kept surfacing. Even if people don’t expect things from us, we do of ourselves. That expectancy is the most conflicting one imposed on us. Scott is not holding me to writing a better editorial than last week, or even a decent one. But because he said it was his favourite, I want to. I want to do better. It’s an internal desire, one that most people can probably relate to in one way or another.

The burden of expectation is prominent in the world. People withering under pressure is evidenced daily.

It’s evident in politics, with Alison Redford, Alberta’s first female premier, announcing that she was leaving her position just 28 months into her term. It’s shown in this paper, with one of our bi-weekly columns missing this week. With the strains of the writer’s day job, there just wasn’t enough time to dedicate to making the column decent. And it’s shown in the classrooms of Capilano. With the finals weeks of the semester upon us, many students are feeling the pressures of group projects, term papers and final exams.

Mentioning an external pressure that is greatly affecting campus right now is this week’s referendum, on whether or not the CSU should stay in the CFS. The Canadian Federation of Students has been on campus, campaigning for the Yes vote, while the Capilano Student’s Union has been working hard to promote the No side. Many students may be aware of this, with students and CFS representatives (who look like students) coming into classrooms to speak to on why they want you to vote one way versus the other. Each side may expect you to vote one way or another, but it’s ultimately up to you, the voter.

Because of my position at the paper, I will not voice my opinion to either side, and neither will anyone on staff. We are an objective source, one that will present the facts to the best of our abilities. If you ask us anything about the referendum we will tell you where to vote (CSU Library Lounge), when to vote (all day, every day from March 24 to 28) and how many votes are needed (10 per cent of the student population, roughly 800 votes). Then we will tell you to vote. Democracy — it’s like a boner for intelligence.

tweets from their seats

THE VOICE BOX

God @TheTweetOfGod Fred Phelps, I'll see you soon. Kidding! I won't be seeing you.

with: Scott Moraes

“If the Cap Courier doesn't publish during the summer, where should I go for my weekly campus and local news?

I'm taking summer courses and I don't wanna be ignorant.”

even know who we will be. Also, why does everything have to be about Carlo and Katherine? There's more to life than following campus newspaper celebrities, you know.

House of Cards @HouseofCards Once someone is exposed, they're at your mercy.

It's summer, for God's sake. Forget about the school and news and go get tanned with a coconut in your hand.

“When is this garbage man that Leah and Faye are talking about going to show up in the office?”

“Are you guys sad that Katherine and Carlo are leaving you guys to attend different universities? Does this mean you guys will visit them or have them come and visit you next year?”

Carlo's not going anywhere. Katherine is moving on, but can we blame anyone for moving on to an actual university? We will also certainly not force anyone to come visit us. We don't

I'm usually a big fan of the f-word. Some days, I'm kinda like Joe Pesci in Goodfellas. Fuck this, fuck that. But the “fag” word, I'm with ya — not cool. Back in the day, I campaigned against my friend Danny from Swindon, England, because he had a strange love/hate relationship with cigarettes. He was always talking about them out of context, getting himself in trouble. “I fuckin' hate fags, they're killing me.” I got him to drop the word for good — at least around me. I don't know why we have to re-appropriate words. Languages are dying. The time is upon us to create new words. Right?

Capilano University @CapilanoU It's true! THE Ryan Reynolds was here today for an intimate talk with our film & writing students. Big thanks to instructor @ryanknighton Anna Kendrick @AnnaKendrick47 Oh, "that's the price of fame" is it? I just wanna be able to pick up my Valtrex without the world knowing about it!

Wait. Shit.

Katherine Gillard @KatGillard Gluten-free food and a spring fling in one day! @Capilano_CSU is killing it on the first day of spring.

Hugh Linehan @hlinehan Pretty accurate: TIME's obit lead on Fred Phelps. "Fred Phelps, a colossal jerk, died Thursday."

Carlo Javier @MrCarloJavier Suits and light parkas are essential in this weather.

47 ISSUE N O . 22

Tyler, The Creator @fucktyler HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT SIZE SHIRT YOU ARE? PEOPLE COME TO THE STORE LIKE " SHOULD I GET M OR L?" YOU IDIOT WHY WOULD I KNOW YOU'RE GROWN

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The Voicebox is back, ready to humbly respond to your questions, concerns, and comments about anything. To inquire, just send a text to 778 - 689 - 4642 to anonymously "express" and "voice" your "opinion" and "thoughts" on any "subject" or "issue". And, as long as it's not offensive, we will publish it here, right in the Voicebox. It's a win - win, or whine - whine - whatever way you look at it.

Miss Faye @thecellardoor_ Surfboard. Surfboard. Surfboard. #SURFBOARD

×

*

“Steve Tornes' piece 'The other F-word' was a well-argued but terribly wrong opinion. Publishing a piece to normalize the word 'fag' isn't cool. Not all gays want to appropriate that word — where is the other side? Offended!”

THE CAPILANO COURIER

They stopped talking about this guy months ago, when he disappeared. It's last year's news. He may have ended up in the garbage himself. Who knows? Poor soul.

Amanda Wills @AmandaWills Snowden: "I'm living proof that an individual can go head to head with the most powerful intelligence agencies around the world — and win."

3

NEWS

KATHERINE GILLARD NEWS EDITOR

NEWS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

Eby's educational lesson VANCOUVER MLAS VISITS CAMPUS TO TALK MONEY Steve Tornes × Writer Capilano University is bankrupt and David Eby, MLA for Vancouver-Point Grey and NDP critic for Advanced Education, came to the university to give a talk about the funding cuts and student debt. The presentation did not focus on the university administration, but on the politics of the provincial government of B.C. The purpose of Eby’s talk was for students to better understand the political implications of government choices on their education and finances.

Brittany Barnes, an organizer of the presentation, notes that there is a relationship between politics and issues such as student debt. “We need to be looking at all of the aspects of this issue, not just the administration.

We need to be going outside of the campus and looking at the role government is playing. How we vote, or don’t vote, is affecting our future and our lives.”

In other words, political institutions can have important influences on the lives of students, even after their graduation.

Eby explained that, typically, the province gives a bulk amount of money to each school and that school’s administration is supposed to use that money on a certain number of full-time students. CapU was given $37

million and expected to educate 54,000 students. Per student, the province invested almost $6,900 to CapU. On the other hand, per student, the province invested roughly $7,300 to Kwantlen Polytechnic University.

That is a $400 difference, and when the $400 is multiplied by 54,000 — the number of Cap students — that means that the university is short $2.16 million due to underinvestment. This is what led to the $1.3 million shortfall at CapU. According to Eby, the underinvestment happened when Capilano College became a university and it made an agreement with the province not to receive the extra funding it would have normally received. The underinvestment, said Eby, was not due to the cost to support students or to the run administration, but because the financial arrangement was already agreed upon.

However, this is just one of the worries for Cap students. Due to the large deficit, courses have been cut, programs have been lost and professors have been suspended from their jobs. “They’ve actually cut our prerequisite courses,” said audience member and student representative for the Studio Arts Program, Jennifer O’Keeffe, “making it impossible for students to graduate, only the ones that had taken it last year are able to graduate.”

This could lead to higher student debt for Capilano students in particular because the budget cuts could af-

fect the ability for students to graduate and effectively pay their student loans. O’Keeffe also described students who got accepted to CapU and made plans, only to discover that their program was cut.

“B.C. has the highest student debt [in Canada],” said Eby. This is because the province does not provide high enough loans to students, which means that for students to be able to pay for their tuition and expenses, students require alternate forms of credit, such as credit cards.

This is a problem because credit cards charge interest right away. On the other hand, student loan interests don’t begin until after full-time studies have ended. This means that British Columbian students are paying more in interest than students in other provinces, leading to higher debt.

“You might know that B.C. has the highest [student loans] in Canada,” remarked Eby, “but perhaps you didn’t know that B.C. has higher student debt even than the United States [on average].” The accumulated interest, which leads to higher debts, means that it will take longer for students to pay their loans and develop stable finances for the future.

“B.C. has the highest interest rate on student debt on any province in Canada, except for New Brunswick. [The government charges] 2.5 per cent higher than it costs them to borrow money, which means they make $36

million every year on student debt. This is why I suspect they are in no rush to reduce student debt because, if they did, they would also reduce the $36 million a year that they make on student debt,” Eby adds.

Eby suggests that the government is deliberately keeping student debt high in order to create more revenue.

This has led Eby to claim that the governing B.C. Liberal Party holds the election after the exam period so that campuses can’t organize groups for student voting, thereby causing students to be less likely to vote.

“There has been a systemic effort to prevent students from voting, and if it wasn’t intentional in the beginning, continuing it after several elections, when it was apparent that students weren’t voting, was either willful blindness or it was intentional.” The effect could be long-term, with Eby saying “the habits you form here [in regards to voting] carry with you through your whole life.”

Eby talked about how the influence of government has led CapU to being underinvested and has also led students in B.C. have to shoulder larger debts than students in other provinces. Moreover, Eby suggested that the government seeks to limit students from voting, thereby maintaining the system.

Overall, Eby linked politics to education to explain CapU’s financial crisis and B.C.’s student debt.

when groceries and alcohol collide CHANGES TO LIQUOR LAWS IN B.C. Keara Farnan × Writer

ton, the recommendations have not yet been implemented. Some of the changes will include getting rid of fenced beer gardens and increasing alcohol variety at sport events as early as this summer.

“The Liquor Policy Review Final Report is a direct reflection of feedback received from British Columbians and a wide variety of stakeholders dur-

× Jocelyn Wong

In February 2014, B.C.’s government began adjusting their liquor rules and endorsing all 73 recommendations made in parliamentary secretary John Yap’s final report on B.C.’s Liquor Policy Review, starting with recommendations to allow alcohol to be sold in grocery stores and to allow children in pubs with their parents for Happy Hour (5 p.m. to 7 p.m.). According to Justice Minister Suzanne An-

ing the B.C. Liquor Policy. The report makes more than 70 recommendations that will modernize B.C.’s outdated liquor laws — enhancing convenience for consumers, cutting red tape for B.C. businesses, sup-

porting jobs and the economy and continuing to safeguard health and public safety,” explains the B.C. Liquor and Control and Licensing Branch spokesperson, Cindy Stephenson.

This new policy also means that alcoholic beverages will be allowed at music festivals and public areas such arenas and stadiums as opposed to just beer, wine or coolers. Guests at B.C. hotels will also be allowed to bring alcoholic drinks bought at the lobby bar into their rooms.

“There is a fair amount of work that needs to happen before changes can be implemented. Most of the recommendations will either require changes to the policy, regulations, legislation or a combination of all three. Some are fairly straightforward and can be implemented as early as this spring, while others are more complex and will take more time,” adds Stephenson.

Anton feels that safety is a priority and that festival organizers need to demonstrate that they can keep

people safe and minors away from liquor before obtaining a license.

“Liquor sales in grocery stores [have] received considerably more attention and interest support than any other topic during the course of the Liquor Policy Review. The final tally, including all blog posts, emails and tweets, amounted to 75 per cent generally in favour of the idea. B.C.’s grocery model is currently under development and is anticipated to be implemented in early 2015,” explains Stephenson.

“Liquor inspectors work closely with police and local governments to encourage licensees to voluntarily comply and reduce potential threats to public safety such as overcrowding and intoxication and service to minors. Liquor inspectors also regularly inspect licensed premises to monitor compliance with B.C.’s liquor laws. Licenses who do not comply with the terms and conditions of their liquor license may be subject to enforcement action,” concludes Stephenson.

Ell funding wrongfully allocated

THE CAPILANO COURIER

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47 ISSUE N O . 22

CHILDREN FALSELY LABELLED IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS

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Gabriel Scorgie × Writer It’s no secret that schools in B.C. feel that they’re underfunded. What’s unexpected is the allegation that schools in the Vancouver School District have been improperly labelling their students as English Language Learners to receive extra funding. CBC reported that Sir Sanford Fleming Elementary, a South Vancouver elementary school, has been placing its students in ELL despite the students speaking perfect English.

Sir Sanford Elementary may not be the only school that is possibly falsely labelling students as ELL. Statistics obtained by CBC News show that Sir Sandford Fleming claims 51.4 per cent of its students as being ELL, nearby Walter Moberly Elementary has 59 per cent and Pierre Elliott Trudeau Elementary claims 63 per cent of their students are ELL. Those percentages aren’t insignificant.

Walter Moberly has an enrollment of 452 students this year — that’s 266 students in ELL and over $266,000 dollars in funding per year for the school. The average

school has roughly 23.8 per cent of its students in ELL, more than 25 per cent lower than all three of the schools mentioned above.

In the case of Sir Sanford Elementary, Ms. Perrin wasn’t even aware that her daughter Krystina was enrolled as an ELL student. "I felt like I'd kind of been betrayed. I had no knowledge of this. I felt it was an extremely huge waste of resources since English is our first language," she said in an interview with CBC. Ms. Perrin wasn’t the only one left in the dark, CBC learned that all 20 of the students in Krystina’s kindergarten class were designated ELL and many parents were also unaware of their students designation. The only clue was a small note on the children's report cards that said, “Practice speaking English at home.”

It is against provincial guidelines to place a student in ELL without first informing their parents or guardian.

The process of receiving ELL funding for a student is simple. “Every year, school boards get a supplemental grant of $1,340 for each full-time equivalent student in ELL that meets ministry reporting criteria,” says Ben Green, the Ministry of Education Relations secretariat.

“Each reported ELL student must have a current annual instructional plan designed to meet the needs of the student or groups of students as identified in their English language proficiency assessments. For each ELL student, a specialist teacher is involved in the development of the instructional plan and participates in a regular review of that plan during the school year,” Green adds.

However, while the student has to meet ministry criteria, it is the responsibility of the local school district to keep track of the student’s progress. So it may be easier for individual schools to get funding for students in districts that aren’t as strict with their record keeping. In 2013 and 2014, the ministry provided $79 million in funding for ELL programs.

While the provincial government is unknowingly overspending on ELL classes, the federal government is doing the exact opposite. In December of last year, it was announced that B.C. colleges and universities were going to lose ESL funding. “The Canada B.C. Immigration agreement has been suspended by the federal government,” says Steven Beasley, the internal coordinator for the Canadian Federation of Students in B.C. “Part of the agreement pro-

vided $17 million in funding for University ESL programs.”

That money paid for over 9,000 ESL students to learn English last year. “The Provincial Government has stepped up and provided a $10.5 million transition grant for certain schools, but it will only last for this year,” Beasley adds.

“We have had people who lived in Canada for years and never had a job interview. Now that they have ESL on their résumé, they have been getting interviews,” says Leslie Hemsworth, a faculty member at Kwantlen Polytechnic University. Beasley says that without funding from the federal government, many of the ESL programs will fold.

Currently, those who do not need funding for ELL are getting it, while those who are actively seeking it are not.

People on both sides are upset and frustrated — parents that are confused as to why their children are in ELL, and university students who can’t get a job without governmentfunded ELL. Sir Sanford Elementary is currently under investigation by the school board. B.C. Education Minister Peter Fassbender said that he will wait for the full report before deciding if any action is required by the province.

news

the cfs comes to campus UPDATES ON THE UPCOMING REFERENDUM Katherine Gillard × News Editor Students at CapU have likely noticed the opposing tables set up in the cafeteria this past week — one representing the CSU’s “Vote No” campaign and another representing the CFS’s different campaigns available to CapU students.

The CSU is currently endorsing the side of voting “No” to whether the CSU should stay a member of the CFS, whereas the CFS wants students to vote “Yes”.

“I hope that in this vote that happens, that it isn’t all about money, it’s about what students want to do, what campaigns they want to work on, what their priorities are,” say Jessica McCormick, national chairperson of the CFS. “With respect to CFS and CFS-BC fees, we feel that Capilano University students have not seen value-formoney when it comes to campaigns and services. That being said, the fees are not the main argument for de-certifying from the CFS and CFS-BC,” says Natasha Prakash, spokesperson for the CSU. The CSU was one of the founding universities in the CFS 30 years ago, and have been voting on motions at CFS meetings as recently as January. The CFS has requested to have information booths on campus 13 times in the past year, all of which have been declined until the referendum.

“Professional support for student campaigns on [the] Capilano University campus is unionized work performed by CSU employees represented by the Canadian Union of Public Employees, Local 1004,” Prakash explains. “After mounting concerns surrounding the effectiveness of CFS and CFS-BC campaign tactics, and due to the need to protect the rights of our workers, the Capilano Students' Union saw no recourse other than to request that the CFS and CFS-BC stop booking space on our campuses to campaign.”

“Many CSU delegates to CFS and CFS-BC general meetings in recent years have walked away feeling that the opinions and concerns of Capilano University students have not been adequately addressed. Some CSU delegates have expressed that they have felt CFS and CFS-BC general meeting environments to be hostile, undemocratic and unsafe for our student delegates,” says Prakash.

“At the time they recognized the value of working with

other universities across the country on issues that matter to Capilano and I think that those values and principles that the federation was founded on are still just as relevant today as they were back then,” McCormick says.

Capilano students met the number of signatures required for the referendum to be held, and CapU’s registrar verified it. According to the CSU, the CFS stalled the process and it wasn’t until they were threatened with litigation that the CFS went forward with the referendum.

“The petition was verified and we’re here now and the referendum is happening, and it’s happening on the dates that the CSU recommended that it happen on, so I’m not sure why anyone would think it’s stalled because we followed the timelines that were actually suggested by the CSU in their initial correspondence with us,” McCormick says.

Although they were communicating through lawyers, there were never any court dates set between the two organizations.

Both organizations, however, seem to have the same thing in mind — keeping students' best interest in mind and trying to provide them with the tools they need in university.

“I know, coming from a student union that was smaller in Newfoundland, the value of being able to communicate and work with other universities across the country,” McCormick comments. “To share the campaigns and the advocacy work that we’re doing, and to also have that strength in numbers when it comes to lobbying provincial and federal governments.”

“They go toward the campaigns of the federation, the services of the federation, so we offer student services that help students save money and we’re able to do that through economies of scale — so the more students that are participating in the services, the lower the prices and there are also ethically and sustainably made products.”

The products include pens, shirts, lanyards, water bottles and other school supplies.

Fees paid to the CFS also go to the International Student Identity Card (ISIC), which is a discount card, as well as to their advocacy campaigns, such as their work with Lead Now on the unfair elections act as well as other campaigns such as stopping violence against aboriginal women through letters to Stephen Harper, their Water is

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a Human Right campaign, which works to remove bottled water from schools and raise awareness about water to people around the world. The CFS works on campaigns brought up at their provincial and national meetings based on student demand.

Both the CFS and the CSU provided students with re-usable water bottles on water-bottle free day, March 19.

The CSU has been developing their own campaign strategy, which focuses on the voices and interests of their membership — CapU students. Some of these are their Quit Cutting Cap campaign, a campaign to reclaim consent and a campaign to oppose the blood ban on MSM — men who have sex with men.

“We feel that it is more effective for the Capilano Students' Union to develop these campaigns based on the feedback of individual students here at Capilano University, rather than to rely on an Ottawa-based not-for-profit corporation to do it for us. For these reasons, we are not moving forward with CFS and CFS-BC sponsored campaigns at this time,” adds Prakash.

The CFS-BC is also currently working on the Squash the Squeeze campaign, which is a plea to the administration to stop increasing their advertising costs because as the CFS-BC advertisements say, “Capilano’s bloated administrative budget is being balanced on the backs of students.”

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Tension may be mounting at Capilano now, but the CSU has been feeling this tension for a while.

“We have had Capilano University delegates to CFS and CFS-BC meetings who have walked into plenary with an open mind, and who have left meetings in tears due to the frustration at dealing with the internal CFS and CFSBC workings that we feel to be unfair,” Prakash says.

“Cap students can’t do it alone. Nor can students at UofT or Memorial. The only way to be an effective force for change — for an affordable, accessible, post-secondary education — is by working together across the country,” says McCormick. “I believe that it is vital that Cap students be represented by both the federal levels as the majority of funding comes from the federal government but decisions about funding happens provincially. Voting yes means continuing to work together.”

The Chief Returning Officer, Stephen Littley, from the CFS requested that the “No” side of the campaign remove certain articles from the DumpTheCFS.com website.

There was a complaint from a representative of the CFS that alleged the articles were potentially false or libelous.

One of these articles was published in the National Post.

Voting will be held from March 24 to 28, in the CSU Library Lounge. The CSU must get at least 800 students out to vote in order to meet quorum, and a simple majority is needed.

42%

want to do it at the cottage.

March 24 to 28

Do it your way.

The semester is almost over. Are you thinking of picking up a prerequisite or redoing a course? Get ahead without sacrificing your summer.

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47 ISSUE N O . 22

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Enrol anytime, study anywhere, then transfer your credits back to your current program.

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Voting will take place March 24 to 28 Vote at the CSU library lounge.

Old school rules, majority wins.

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Information

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arts + Culture

ANDY RICE ARTS + CULTURE EDITOR

ARTS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

you, me and a cherry tree ANNUAL FESTIVAL CELEBRATES THE BEAUTY OF BLOSSOMS Alva Tee × Writer

× Andy Rice

EVENTS IN BLOOM “I believe in the power of the blossoms. It’s appreciating the beauty in life that makes life worth living. In our universal response to their beauty, we are united.

Especially during these times we must connect back to nature. Reminiscent of the famous Issa haiku, truly ‘there is no stranger under the cherry tree.’ The ephemeral nature of the blossoms reminds us to seize the moment and celebrate life now.” – Linda Poole, founder and director, Vancouver Cherry Blossom Festival Vancouver Cherry Blossom Festival celebrates the arrival of spring by creating an enchanting experience full of laughter and joy, lost in a fantasy world of pink and white. From April 1 to 26, events all over the city will bring Vancouverites together to gaze at the beauty of the cherry blossoms at their peak times. Events will include music, dance, arts and crafts, food and a whole lot more.

Vancouver has about 40,000 cherry trees, most of which were gifts from Japan. Many of these events allow for one’s knowledge of the culture and history of Japan to be enriched. This type of festival is not limited to Vancouver as cities all over the world such as Tokyo, Hokkaido, Beijing, Copenhagen, Paris, Brooklyn, San Francisco and Washington D.C. partake in the Cherry Blossom Festival. Vancouver has made its mark in joining this extravaganza for the past nine years, and the annual celebration rejuvenates those in the community with the idea that there are no strangers under the blossoms, but all with the same mind of appreciation.

FibreEssence and Vancouver Guild of Fibre Arts - April 1: Silk Purse Gallery hosts the start of the festival, beginning with the showcase of many local artists' translations of the blossoms onto tiles. With a glass window by the ocean-side and a wall full of beautiful art pieces and sculptures on textile, this will surely be a marvellous sight to see.

Cherry Jam Concert – April 3: The clash of all performance artists celebrating the festival meets at the indoor concourse of the Burrard Skytrain station. This buzzing event will include musicians, dancers, celebrity readings of haikus and even the thunderous sounds of Taiko drums. The concert will be covered by Norma Reid of CTV news channel.

Sakura Illumination – April 4: Be mesmerized under the night sky in Sutcliffe Park (behind False Creek Community Centre on Granville Island) by the cherry blossoms, as they will be tinted with the dashing colors of LED lights in a fascinating display.

Sakura Days – April 5 and 6: The VanDusen Botanical Garden celebrates cultural arts and old age traditions of Japan. More cherry tree viewing, food, tea ceremonies, arts and crafts, dance, calligraphy, martial arts, and music; guaranteed to be a true cultural experience.

World Green City Lecture – April 7: A session involving international experts presenting the environmental outlook on how to help the sustainability of Vancouver by being smarter with building and city design. Robson Square, Theatre C300.

Blossom Biology Workshop – April 10: This is a chance to learn about the anatomy of cherry blossoms. Located in a classroom at VanDusen Botanical Garden, this workshop could develop the next greatest identifier of the cherry cultivars.

Bike the Blossoms - April 26: Meet some fellow cyclists for a guided tour at China Creek South Park for a way to enjoy the viewing of the glorious cherry blossoms by being physically active.

Wondrous Tales of Old Japan – April 4 - 6, 11 - 13, 18 - 20: With the amazing amount of Japanese folklore, fascinating stories will take over the night at the Waterfront Theatre on Granville Island. From fantasy, to lessons learned, to love, great tales will be featured and told through dynamic fusion, Taiko drumming, and shadow puppets.

Tree Talks and Walks – April 3 - 20: A chance for residents all over Vancouver to learn about cherry trees, their history and the cultural significance while enjoying the view. Below are some dates and locations: April 4 ....................................Mandarin tour:

Downtown Coal Harbour April 5 ........................................*Stanley Park,

& Oppenheimer Park April 6 .............*VanDusen Botanical Garden April 12 ..........University of British Columbia,

& Stanley Park April 13 ......................*Queen Elizabeth Park,

& Mandarin tour: Larry Berg Flight Path Park April 20 .................During the Easter Parade,

location TBA Visit Vcbf.ca for more details. * Cherry tops for viewing spots

Spring Fling

THE CAPILANO COURIER

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SOCIAL EVENT BRINGS CAMPUS TOGETHER

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Carlo Javier × Staff Writer Capilano University welcomed the new season in style on March 20. The Capilano Queer Collective and Social Activities Committee-led Spring Fling provided an event at which students from any program were welcomed to simply have a good time and socialize.

Even though the turnout still left more to be desired, the simple fact that students from various areas of studies came out showed that Spring Fling could be a sign of better days for CapU, which is known among its students for its lack of a strong student community.

“I was really anxious and really nervous,” begins event organizer Jon Kinsley. “I thought that it would be like five people standing in a room,

all alone, so I am really pleased. Also with the prizes we got, we got prizes from the president’s office, from the theatre, from the CSU and they all wanted to give.”

To provide a fitting environment for the event, the CSU library lounge underwent a little makeover. Outfitted with high tables, music and the always crowd-drawing liquor license, the lounge temporarily took on the feel of a party. One of the popular amenities available during the Spring Fling was a photo booth stationed adjacent to the lounge’s foosball machine. The photo booth included an entire rack of funky articles of clothing that proved to be popular among the event’s guests.

CapU has been home to a few student-led events, but two problems have always persisted.

Either the event becomes too exclusive to the

organizers’ respective program, or no one shows up at all. “What we want to really do is create more community here at CapU,” says Kinsley. “As well as connectivity between the newspaper, the CSU, the MACS (Marketing Association of Capilano Students), the CUBES (Capilano University Business Enterprise of Students), the IBA (International Business Association), the Queer Collective, we want them all to meet each other."

One of the biggest takeaways from the Spring Fling, aside from the confirmation that the library lounge is a versatile space, is that CapU certainly can have an event that students will come to. “I think we have the opportunity to create culture on the campus, and have more of a community here,” starts Kinsley. “I just think we need more events like this. Most events are open to everyone,

× contributed but they still feel exclusive. We’re hoping that this event kind of gets rid of that feeling and gets more inviting for every collective here on campus.”

And Cady Heron got elected Spring Fling Queen.

Big surprise... And none for Gretchen Wieners.

arts + Culture

Liquor lingo TERMS FOR DESCRIBING YOUR NEXT SENSORY ADVENTURE Andy Rice × Arts + Culture Editor When it comes to alcoholic beverages, most would agree that tasting them is the easy part. It’s describing what’s being tasted that has a tendency to get people tongue-tied — even long before they’ve had a few too many. The Courier tracked down three professionals in the liquor retail industry to deconstruct some of the most popular tasting terms in use today. Surprisingly enough, the word “dope” didn’t even make the list.

mas that a wine represents out of the nose and that’s why you swish the glass — to promote oxygen and to oxygenate the wine enough to release the flavours,” says Ley. “The point of wine is that everything is in balance, that alcohol, scent, mouth feel, acidity, sugar, are all equal and not overpowering the other.”

WINE × Ekaterina Aristova

“I like to use words that people will understand,” says Max Ley, a wine guide at Liberty Wines Park and Tilford. “I use kind of the most basic and easy ones and I try to find the flavours and the fruits that you can smell within the wine.” He also suggests terms like “legs” — the amount of residual wine that runs down the glass after a sip, or “tannins” — the sort of gripping of the cheeks that is triggered by some of the more robust varieties of red wine.

“Dry” is one of the most common terms used to describe both reds and whites and refers specifically to pucker. “A [dry] wine really kind of clings to your mouth,” says Ley. “It’s not tannins, it’s just that there’s not a whole lot of residual sugars within the wine.”

“Another term that I like to use is ‘fruit forward,’” he says, adding that it’s an easy way to typically differentiate between old world and new world. “If you know those two terms and understand them, you can get by at any tasting. Old world is basically all of Europe, new world wines are basically everything else. Most new world wines as a basic rule tend to be a little bit more fruit forward. Big, really robust fruit flavours right at the front of the palate.” Smell also comes into play significantly and is referred to as “the nose.”

“You typically get most of the flavours and aro-

BEER The “nose” is a popular term in beer tasting as well, according to Mark Galvani (@lupulist), a blogger and craft beer portfolio supervisor at the Village Liquor Store in Park Royal. “It can come from anything in the beer — the yeast, the malt or the hops.”

“What you’re looking for in a hoppy beer is the aroma,” he begins. “Often times of grapefruit and other citrus. You can also get some aroma of pine or even sometimes an almost skunky aroma, but more attributed to smelling like a weed.”

While a skunky smell can be hops-related, a skunky flavour is almost always caused by expo-

sure to damaging UV light. “It actually starts to change the chemical composition of the beer,” says Galvani, using Heineken and its signature green glass bottle as an example.

Malts can significantly add to a beer’s flavour profile as well. “Often in a lot of British beers, you’re going to be talking more of a biscuity malt so it’s going to be lighter, slightly toasty tasting,” he says. Amber-colored beers will have caramel or toffee-like flavours emerging from the malt, while darker varieties like porter and stout will have notes of bittersweet chocolate, cocoa or even espresso.

As for yeast, the contributions are varied. “Lager yeast doesn’t contribute too much to the flavour and the aroma, it just gives the beer a nice clean crisp flavour, whereas with ale yeasts you’re going to get more of the fruity esters and aromas to it,” he says. Yeasts used to make German hefeweizens can give off bubblegum and dried banana flavours while the Brettanomyces strain can create a sour aroma not unlike that of a barnyard.

A beer with over-the-top flavour is known as “aggressive”, while milder and more balanced creations are given the term “soft”. The word “body” pertains to how delicate or robust a beer feels on the palate and in the mouth during a sip, and similar to wine, a “hot” or “spicy” beer is one where alcohol is the predominant taste above all other ingredients.

The finish of a beer is another key part of the drinker’s sensory experience. “That sort of lasting, lingering taste that you get, and it’s also a bit of the

mouth feel, like how it feels right when you finish a sip,” he says. “A smooth finish, for example, would be one where you don’t notice anything abrasive or sort of off-putting that’s going to distract you.”

WHISKEY With hard liquor, on the other hand, a spicy nose or a kick at the finish is all part of the fun. “Most spirits, they’re going to be 40 per cent alcohol, so by nature they’re going to have a hotter flavour profile,” says local bartender Steve Matick. “The different varietals and types are like whole different worlds of flavour.”

Whiskey is a prime example, although there are some uniting factors between the many kinds on the market. “One of the common unifiers in all the whiskeys are certain grains have certain flavour profiles that are pretty easy to pick up on,” says Matick. “Some can be very bready and malt-forward. Barley, when it’s roasted, gives a really kind of bready sort of flavour, sort of caramelly, almost like a buttered toast flavour if it’s done really well.”

“Jameson has a really malty almost kind of honey character from the kind of malts they use,” he continues. Bourbon, made from wheat instead of malted barley, will often have a honey taste as well. “Wheat has a really sweet character, kind of a Wonderbread-like sweetness to it,” says Matick.

“Vanilla is also a common thing you get in flavours of whiskey because of the barrel.”

“Peat and peat smoke is really predominant in Scotch,” he adds. “It’s so synonymous with that Scotch whiskey category. Also, a lot of them can be kind of briny tasting almost like you have a bit of salt water in there or something.”

Water itself is a hot debate among whiskey enthusiasts. Whether for or against, it’s important to know that “on the rocks” means with ice, while “neat” means the drink will arrive un-chilled, free of ice or water, and likely with a nod of respect from the bartender as well.

put through the ringer CELL PHONE DEPENDENCY IN PUBLIC David Young × Writer

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box while the bartender holds on to the key. “The idea came from one of our servers, Ian Kampman, who’s been in the industry a long time," explained owner Jesse Ritchie to Vancity Buzz during the initial media scrum. "It’s a variation of the phone stack game where people stack their phones in the middle of the table and have to pay the bill or buy a round if they check their phone.” Ritchie adds, that about 20 per cent of their customers have now begun to request this service.

Not all such unique solutions have received a positive review. Red Mill Burgers in Seattle, WA, has had a sign telling people that they’ll be asked to leave if they use their cell phones. One reviewer on Yelp, frustrated with this policy, says, “That’s neat, like 10 years ago. Now it’s just stupid and elitist.”

Landon Kelbert, the owner of Waves Coffee

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still on the phone so the server has to go back and forth to see when the customer is ready.” He also notes that some customers aren't quite as bad and will politely interrupt their conversation to speak to the server.

Restaurants, pubs and coffee shops are coming up with solutions that range from voluntary smartphone lockboxes to actual policies that enforce no cell phone use. One pub in downtown Vancouver, Score on Davie, has recently received significant media attention for providing a voluntary smartphone lockbox for their patrons, which will be fully implemented in early April. Score’s Facebook post sums it up: “Sometimes, the only 'social network' you need is the people in front of you.” The lockbox system works just as it sounds: the phones are locked away in a transparent lock-

THE CAPILANO COURIER

× Danielle Mainman

It's hard to deny that smartphones have become the pinnacle of all distractions. The buzz, the flashing lights, the pulsing LEDs – all irresistible. Each new notification stops everything — lectures are drowned out, a friend’s rant about the newest episode of Walking Dead is ignored, only to find out that a distant cousin’s mother sent a request for an extra life in Candy Crush Saga. Smartphones have truly revolutionized social interaction, ranging from the trend of shameless selfies to obnoxious pictures of too-good-to-eat food. And while they have made it easier to gather friends together or keep in touch from a distance, in many ways they've also proven to be detrimental to in-person contact. Those who work in the food and beverage industry have a particularly unique view of this situation, along with a few unorthodox solutions as well.

“It’s common to see two people sit down, and they’re both on their cell phones,” says Gary Kelbert, owner of IHOP in Surrey. Kelbert also mentions that this problem not only affects the customer's interaction between each other, but it also extends to the server’s ability to do their job.

"It happens quite often that a customer comes in, talking on the phone; we seat them as they gesture how many they have in their party. Then, the server tries to take their beverage order but they are

House in City Point Surrey, agrees that restaurants such as Red Mill and Score may be onto something when it comes to their preventative measures. Disruptions happen quite often and can be especially frustrating when they involve Bluetooth headsets, he says. “They’ll have their phone away, walk forward in line, ask a question in your general direction, and when you answer, tell you they were talking on the phone.” More often than not, the server will stare blankly at the customer, forced to wait until they are finished to take the order. “It is simply rude to the server and the customers in line.” Whether he will implement some form of technology restriction is yet to be seen.

Some might point out the irony in needing systems to restrict ourselves from too much social and technological “progress”, a strategy not unlike the option provided for gamblers to self-exclude from casinos. However, superior self-restraint is not a trait that all are born with, and it remains understandable to peek every once in a while. Ritchie says that in regards to the lockboxes, “most people can hear their phone vibrating and try and look at any angle possible to see who is texting and what they say. I believe most people want to be cell phone free, [but] just need to go through our 12-step cell phone rehab program.”

And until such a thing exists, Score on Davie will have to do.

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FEATURES

THERESE GUIEB FEATURES EDITOR

S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S @ C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . C O M

the post-‐grad job hunt TIPS ON HOW TO LAND A JOB AND SEARCH FOR ONE EFFECTIVELY Therese Guieb × Features Editor Follow your passion, study hard and get a degree are the three actions that have been embedded by society in each of us as the formula that leads to a bright future. However, this formula has not necessarily secured employment after graduation for Generation Y, as it did before. There are many other factors that must now be taken into account in order for students to not be stuck with empty career promises.

“During university, I applied for a number of summer job opportunities… I would only qualify for administrative positions. What I didn’t understand was that I had years of experience working with non-profits and organizing events through university but because of the years of study associated with my résumé I was not being considered for the positions that I knew I was qualified for,” shares Dave Wilkin, founder and CEO of Redwood Strategic.

As of today, the Canadian unemployment rate stands at seven per cent. “There’s not as much jobs that are being created as we once had,” comments Shoshana Sommerville, student employability coach at Capilano University. “Youth unemployment in B.C. is just under 14 per cent and that’s a pretty significant percentage.” Statistics Canada reported that 25,900 part-time positions have disappeared this year which mostly affects youth employment, as there has only been a slight employment growth in Canada since August 2013.

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“The only way that you’re going to succeed is if you have that end goal in mind,” notes Nancy Tran, a career coordinator at CapU. It is expected that when admitted to a program in a post-secondary institution, students already have an idea of what they see themselves as after graduation. However, most have no clue of how they are going to get there except through receiving an education.

Self-assessment is one of the most important tools that help individuals make informed career choices that will be appropriate for them. This process can reveal one’s personal attributes, values, skills and interests. “This is now one of the critical components… in order for someone to understand how they operate every day, who they are, and how they best fit the workplace,” states Sommerville.

Obtaining a job before was as simple as completing a program of study, getting a career in that field, and staying in that job until retirement. However, it has become much more complex than it was.

“Historically, self-assessment has played little if any role in how a student prepares themselves,” says Sommerville. This process increases an individual’s confidence and helps create more choices for the career path of which they have chosen to pursue.

Sommerville advises that before job searching and writing your résumé, self-assessment must be the first task to be done in order to fully understand your personal objective.

BUILDING A PORTFOLIO The marketplace is becoming increasingly competitive which makes it harder for students to obtain a promising career. As a result, they have to find ways to stand out and always be a step ahead of everyone else. Having a presentable portfolio that will impress employers can be challenging to put together.

However, if you understand the key components your portfolio should contain, it will be easier to

to waste time sending dozens of CVs…. There are ways to make the job search much narrower and more productive, this is one of them.”

There are different must-haves other than completing a post-secondary education that employers look for when hiring. According to Sommerville, being a well-rounded person, knowing time management and being analytical are attributes that employers seek in their applicants. However, these characteristics take time to possess and are done so differently by everyone.

MAKING THE CUT Résumés and cover letters are considered the first interview but no matter how excellent an applicant’s qualifications are, it is still not enough to guarantee a position. There are different must-haves other than completing a post-secondary education that employers look for when hiring. “Employers are demanding that students have some sort of field education or field experience because now they want their graduates to have been in a realistic workplace and not just stay in the cocoon of the classroom,” says Sommerville. Internships, practicums, co-ops and work experience are ways that students can participate in what is considered field experience.

However, nothing compares to an applicant who knows people that work in the industry that they are pursuing.

“We are judged by a résumé that really doesn’t communicate these new skills that have come into play over the last decade or so,” argues Wilkin.

“We are told we need experience to get a job, but we can’t get a job because we don’t have the expe-

rience.” This is the common frustration that is faced by many students when it comes to attaining a job. Networking is a marketing technique that is suggested to be the tool that gets the student’s foot in the door. Using social media platforms such as LinkedIn, Facebook, Google+ and Twitter are some ways to network and brand yourself outside of your community.

A new social media platform that differs greatly from others is TenThousandCoffees.com, launched by Wilkin in January. “It was developed to help young people connect with industry leaders and professionals over something as simple as a coffee to have a conversation and unlock opportunities,” says Wilkin. This platform revolutionizes the networking abilities of not only students, but employers as well. “Young people are able to request coffees from experts that they know are open to having a coffee conversation… It allows the novice to not just seek advice from the expert but show the expert the value they can bring to the conversation,” he continues. “I always stress to young people that if you want to have a discussion with a CEO or industry expert you need to show a two-way benefit. You can’t just ask them for help, you need to show how you can help them, what insights [you can] bring to the discussion.”

Spending hours in front of your computer surfing through job recruitment sites will only get you as far as basic research. Tran advices that, “This is your future. If you don’t take the necessary steps and actions, nobody will. Nobody owes you anything. A degree doesn’t guarantee you a job like it did 20, 30 years ago. You need to take it into your own hands and set those goals to make sure that you’re setting yourself up for success.”

JOB HUNTING “The biggest mistake that students make often times when they come at the end of their degree is that they will say, ‘Okay I’m finished, I’m ready to look for a job, where are the jobs at?’” says Tran.

Though excessive partying and going on vacations may seem like a good idea for a college student to do during their post-secondary years, Tran advises that “students have to be career-minded the whole time they’re [here].” Spending time in post-secondary to think about the next step to further your career will benefit in the long run.

Starting early and having a strategic plan are essential when looking for a job. Today, job postings can be found in different resources. Knowing the right places to look will help make the process easier and this can be done through researching.

“There are tons of resources out there,” says Tran.

She lists Monster.ca, Salary.com, TalentEgg.ca and Glassdoor.com as the most common job searching websites that are available. “We have all the different websites for job posting sites in our business resource site on Moodle,” adds Tran. Oftentimes, it is frustrating for students to sift through these resources, but by learning the post-deconstruction technique offered by the career services at CapU, job searching becomes straightforward. “It’s a technique that we teach students how to deconstruct job postings phrase by phrase and be able to set up a comparison with their environment so they know if they can realistically compete in the work environment,” says Sommerville. “They don’t have

× Vivian Liu

THE CAPILANO COURIER

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GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF

create and become less time-consuming.

The most basic documents that everyone is required to have in building their career portfolio are the résumé and cover letter. “A résumé is a very important life document. That document is the only document that will allow you to secure good employment,” notes Sommerville. She emphasizes that the way that résumés are written has changed drastically because there are different elements that can be added to it to give a better understanding of one’s characteristics. “It’s viewed very different these days especially because of the slow job creation that we’ve had over the past few years,” adds Sommerville. “You now write it for the reader, you don’t just put down an accurate background of your history.

You have to write for interpretation by the reader…. the reader is the potential employer.” When writing a résumé, students have to keep in mind that when they state information down, the reader must clearly understand each bullet to avoid misinterpretation.

“The moment that they have to ask a question about your document, you will slide a little down the list,” warns Sommerville.

As one changes view in life, their résumé should continuously reflect it. “I always tell students that I have about 75 versions of my résumé and you guys should have about three or four,” suggests Noel Genoway, business professor at CapU. Sending the same résumé to different jobs may sound efficient; however, different jobs require different set of skills and attributes. As a result, each résumé must be tailored specifically for each job posting. “The thing that [we] employers are using today is the Word Match system,” continues Genoway. “So, the Word Match system is if it says in the job description, ‘Looking for team player, enthusiastic, reliable, flexible,’ if it says that in the job description it better be in your résumé and your cover letter.” It is essential for the résumé and cover letter to resonate with each other to show the employer that you are indeed interested in getting the job.

VOTE YES TO CFS A MESSAGE FROM OTHER STUDENTS' UNIONS ABOUT WHY YOU SHOULD VOTE YES TO CFS Jessica Thyriar President, York Federation of Students CFS Local 68 Dear members of the Capilano Students Union, On behalf of the over 52,000 students who are members of the York Federation of Students, I am writing to encourage students at Capilano University to vote “YES” in your referendum on March 24 to 28 and remain a part of our national student movement, the Canadian Federation of Students.

Although the York Federation of Student is the largest students union in Canada, we have relied heavily on the Canadian Federation of Students to ensure that our members are putting constant pressure on the federal and provincial government. By working together we have been able to actively lobby both government

and our institutions on issues such as increased funding for post-secondary education, increased grants, environmental sustainability, and combatting gender based violence and all forms of oppression. At YFS, we rely on the Canadian Federation of Students for resources, representation, and for uniting our calls for justice into one voice.

We’ve seen numerous victories by working with the Canadian Federation of Students. We have been able to create Canada’s first evernational system of grants, we have seen tuition fee reductions and freezes as a direct result of student pressure, and we have been able to win various campaigns within our own campuses.

International students saw a linked work and student visa this year because of the work of the CFS, we saw more plentiful and significant discounts through the ISIC discount program, an enhanced bulk-purchasing program, and we

Chairperson-Elect, Vancouver Island University Students’ Union CFS Local 61 Dear Capilano University Students,

Melissa Palermo President, Ryerson Students’ Union CFS Local 24 Dear Students of Capilano University,

Jessica

members of the CFS, we have been actively lobbying on issues such as increased government funding for post secondary institutions, increased grants, reduced tuition fees and environmental sustainability.

Sherry

We are very proud of our membership with the Canadian Federation of Students, and urge your to vote YES to continuing to be a part of an active student movement that is committed to making every campus open, inclusive and affordable for everyone.

We are stronger together!

Melissa

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On a local level, working together has helped us gain some great victories for students, just last year, the provincial component of the Canadian Federation of Students in Ontario launched a task force on campus food. It was the work and research done through the CFS that helped us win some significant gain in food service provisions on our campus, resulting in cheaper food and better options on our campus In addition, our work with students’ unions though the CFS, on the Task Force on Campus Racism, gave way for some significant changes on our campus to address overt and covert forms of racism. The task force hearings that traveled to campuses across Ontario, helped provide students a venue to discuss their own experiences of racism on campus, and ultimately provided us the research we needed to increase multi-faith space on our campus, and push for the creation of the office on Equity Diversity and Inclusion on our campus.

Kleco-Kleco.

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We strongly believe that when students work together we can make positive change.

At the RSU, we depend on the CFS to brief us on current affairs, to represent us in meetings with Ministry staff and stakeholder groups, and to bring our issues to light in the media.

The 10,000 members of the Vancouver Island University Students’ Union could not have achieved the successful banning of the sale of bottled water on our campus had it not been for the work of the CFS in creating a national dialogue on the subject. Similarly, our students’ union could not have won a national system of grants without working collectively with other students across the country. Recently, the CFS, working with the provincial faculty union, won

the restoration of $10.5 million in funding for ESL, and more than $330,000 of those dollars will go to Capilano. As a business student, I can do the math on that equation: $85,000 in membership fees produced $330,000 for Capilano students on that single issue alone.

As an Aboriginal person I can tell you that my people spent decades fighting for the right to work collectively with Indigenous people across the province and across the country to seek justice and fairness for our peoples. We have fought to work together because we are stronger together, and regressive, colonialist governments from John A. MacDonald to Stephen Harper have fought like hell to divide us. No social movement has been stronger divided that united; this is true for workers, for Aboriginal peoples, for women and for students. Let’s continue to work together in strength, rather than stand alone in isolation.

THE CAPILANO COURIER

I am writing to you on behalf of the Ryerson Students’ Union (RSU), Local 24 of the Canadian Federation of Students. I’m writing you to urge you to continuing working with students across your province and across the country by voting YES to remain part of the Canadian Federation of Students.

The RSU represents approximately 30,000 full time undergraduate and all graduate students at Ryerson. Our University is located in downtown Toronto, and has a student body with a diversity of needs. Our work with the Canadian Federation of Students has provided us with the tools and resources to adequately represent our students. Through the CFS, the RSU is able to have a full-time voice both at the Legislature and at Parliament Hill. In conjunction with the other

achieve our educational goals. The Canadian Federation of Students is the only national and provincial organization fighting to reduce these barriers on our campuses, and in our communities. Not only does the CFS give voice to those seeking economic justice in a system that prices poor and middle income students out of university, the CFS also takes on racism, homophobia, rape culture, sexism and ableism.

Vote YES to reaffirm your commitment of uniting your voice with over 600,000 students across Canada who are members of the Canadian Federation of Students, and who are dedicated to making post secondary education affordable, accessible and a s afe space for all.

We are stronger together!

Students have long worked together at the local level because it is clearly understood that we can achieve more together than we can as individuals. This is as obvious on a provincial and national scale as it is for our local students’ unions.

Sherry McCarthy

I am writing to you today to urge you to vote YES in the upcoming referendum on membership in the Canadian Federation of Students and Canadian Federation of StudentsBC. As the Aboriginal Students’ Representative for Vancouver Island University Students’ Union, Local 61 of the CFS, I have seen first hand how our students’ union’s members have benefited from CFS membership.

Students face many challenges in seeking, and completing, a post-secondary education.

Whether it is Aboriginal students who face systemic discrimination, students with disabilities who must work through the system without necessary accommodations, or mature students who must balance family, work, and school while not having any childcare, there are so many obstacles we must each overcome to

continued to combat oppression by challenging sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia and ableism.

By uniting from British Columbia to Newfoundland, we are able to stand strong against the forces of oppression, the realities of student debt, and constant cuts faced by our post secondary institutions. When Capilano University students work in solidarity with students at York University, we can realize the collective power in creating change in this country. By continuing to work together for change, there is no telling what students can accomplish, certainly more than we achieve on our own.

WWW.YESCFS.CA *THIS PAGE HAS BEEN PAID FOR.

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FEATURES

THERESE GUIEB FEATURES EDITOR

S P E C I A L F E AT U R E S @ C A P I L A N O C O U R I E R . C O M

A Synthetic Feast The future of food

× Chris Dedinsky

Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor

THE CAPILANO COURIER

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“Twenty years from now if you enter the supermarket you would have the choice between two products that are identical. One is made in an animal, it now has this label on it that animals have suffered or have been killed for this product. It has an eco-text because it’s bad for the environment and it’s exactly the same as an alternative product that has been made in a lab. It tastes the same, and is the same quality; it has the same price or is even cheaper.” - Dr. Mark Post There is a large disconnect between the meat we purchase at the grocery store and the process it took to get it there, neatly wrapped in saran and Styrofoam. Meat consumption world-wide has increased considerably over the past four decades, making sustainability of livestock systems a growing challenge. The average Canadian consumes upwards of 137 pounds of red meat and poultry per year, an average of 100 grams per day.

Yet the harrowing truths of the economic impact of modern commercial agriculture rarely make the headlines.

“Around the world, millions of people don’t get enough protein,” explains nutritionist Albina Beresnyeva. “Animal sources of protein tend to deliver all the amino acids we need — but people tend to forget that there are other sources like some fruits, vegetables and grains that can make up for a lack of meat.”

Aside from a large concern over the right to kill animals for meat when less expensive and equally nutritious alternatives are readily available, a growing concern is the resources that go into the production of a single meat product. Cars and electric power are two culprits that are quickly pointed to when the discussion of greening our future is on the table, but the foods we eat — meat in particular — tend to slip cleanly away from the discussion. According to a 2006 report by the United

Nations Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO), it is our meat-centred diets which cause more greenhouse gases, carbon dioxide (CO2), methane and nitrous oxide than transportation or the electric power industry.

And red meat has the worst reputation. Beef production contributes more than 13 times as much to global warming as is emitted from poultry production. With current meat production levels contributing between 14 and 22 per cent of the 36 billion tons of CO2 greenhouses gases worldwide, the amount of energy required for one simple half-pound of ground beef is enough to make someone gawk — yet not enough to consider removing meat from their diet altogether. Most people do not associate their store-bought steak with costs such as transportation, refrigeration and gas-guzzling farming equipment. The relationship people have cemented between themselves and a meat-based diet dates backs to living in caves in fur pelt loin-cloths.

The business of eating meat has been evolving alongside the human race as it grows and the demands flow and ebb. Humans have evolved to consume meat and the positives that have been a result of this relationship are notably profound.

Meat has been a direct contributor to the increase in complexity and relative size of the brain as well as physical growth. Larger brains benefited from the consumption of high-quality proteins found in meat because the killing of animals, butchering and sharing the foodstuffs was a key in the development of human intelligence. Hunting and our inherent need for protein, in our earliest history, promoted the development of language and socialization — communication itself was helped by our need for an ideally balanced diet. But in 2014, food farming has become a mega-industry

and sustaining a healthy relationship with meat without compromising an already fragile environment becomes a question of ethics.

With meat consumption on the rise, in turn there has been an increase in the mass-scale feed industry. More animals for slaughter mean that a demand for their food source also needs to be met. Meat has thus become an environmentally expensive food. “A meat -based diet does require more energy,” says Beresnyeva, “besides energy, meat proteins demand more land and water resources. So in many ways, a vegetarian diet would be more sustainable in an environmental sense.”

Demanding not only resources like grain, water, fertilizers, energy and fuel — cattle demand large areas of land. With production methods trying desperately to meet the rising demand there is an overwhelming potential for a compromised final product. With the global population set to rise from seven to nine billion people in 2050, the demand for meat is set to double.

THE MOO KID IN TOWN In 2008 Dr. Mark Post, a cardiovascular biologist from Maastricht University, began working on an unusual endeavour to find a scientific solution to the growing ethical debates on meat production.

After five years, in August 2013 at a special event in London, United Kingdom, the fruits of his lab work were brought to the table accompanied by a bun, sliced tomato and romaine lettuce: introducing the first in-vitro hamburger.

“Meat is muscle, muscle from an animal. By our technology we actually are producing meat — it’s just not in a cow,” he explained to CulturedBeef.net. Produced using stem cells — basic cells that can turn into tissue-specific cells — from

cow shoulder muscle found at a slaughterhouse, the cells were then multiplied and placed in petri dishes where they would become muscle cells, slowly becoming tiny strips of muscle fibre. Over 20,000 strips were used to make the five-ounce patty which was first tasted by Josh Schonwald, the author of The Taste of Tomorrow: Dispatches from the Future of Food and Hanni Rutzler, a nutritional scientist who has built up an international reputation for her research into eating and drinking as well as penning The Future of Food.

Although the burger was criticized for being dry due largely to the burger containing absolutely no fat and falling short of flavourful, Schonwald remarked on the similarity to its traditionally farmed counterpart. “The mouthful is like meat. I miss the fat, there’s a leanness to it, but the general bite feels like a hamburger.” Receiving high marks from the test audience in achieving the appropriate burger texture, both tasters skipped the bun and fixings to get the full experience of the first lab-grown burger.

And scientists are not overly concerned about the initial criticisms on flavour. “Taste is the least [important] problem since this could be controlled by letting some of the stem cells develop into fat cells,” explained Stig Omholt, director of biotechnology at the Norwegian University of Life Sciences.

Dr. Post, along with his team of scientists from Maastricht University in the Netherlands developed the burger with the hope that the ability to grow meat in labs could combat world hunger and climate change simultaneously. With a two year project dedicated to creating the one beef patty, plus required testing of the tissue, this could arguably be the world’s most expensive hamburgers as well. Sporting a price tag of $325,000, the creation was a landmark among the science community and a growing audience for a future of

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"Instead of the millions and billions [of animals] being slaughtered now, we could just clone a few cells to make burgers or chops."

to heart disease and diabetes due to the saturated fatty acids. Post believes that cultured meat may have the potential to be better for us. “We gain greater control over what the meat consists of, for example its fat content,” said Dr. Post in an interview with the Atlantic.

The in-vitro hamburger was still just a proof of concept and just an exciting step towards the future of our foods. Made up solely of muscle fibre, the range of nutrients in cultured meat would be different from the conventional option. Dr. Post’s creation included no growth hormones, which have already been banned in the European Union but are still approved in Canada and the U.S., nor did it include the residue of pesticides, de-wormers or tranquilizers. According to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), 72 per cent of antibiotic sales in the country are given to animals in factory farms. Yet there are still ethical implications on society by embracing cultured meat, due in large part to the controversial nature of using stem-cells.

The main concern is whether society itself is becoming out of touch with nature and a diminishing relationship within our natural community. And surely there will be unexpected impacts caused by something as seemingly innocent as a five-ounce burger patty — yet there is an excitement when there can be outstanding positives to an industry that is struggling to meet demand which means compromised environments for both the animals and humans involved. That includes you.

“Some people think this is science fiction, it’s not real, and it’s somewhere out there. I actually think that’s a good thing. If what you’re doing is not seen by some people as science fiction, it’s probably not transformative enough.”

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"By our technology we actually are producing meat - it's just not in a cow"

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However, there is still something that seems unsettling about ingesting a food product made entirely in a lab, even if the final product is genetically identical — it just came about through an entirely different, if not immensely more complex, process.

What is disturbing is that humans are more easily off-put by a man-made product with the same nutritional value than being put-off by the conditions of the product before it is packaged. Creating a meat product that can truthfully label itself cruelty-free is revolutionary. Although it’s still years away from being available on the consumer market, the debut of the in-vitro burger brings factory farming and animal cruelty back into the spotlight. “We have a vision in our minds of this pristine farm, a couple cows, couple chickens. But that’s not actually how meat is produced today,” said Brin. “When you see how these cows are treated, it’s certainly not something I’m comfortable with.”

Although moral views on killing animals are greatly divided, there is a general consensus that suffering is an evil. A future with the possibility of cultured meat being made available to the marketplace has a potential impact in replacing old-school livestock practices. The current meat production systems in North America have led to its fair share of unnatural problems including foodborne illness.

Removing the animal itself from the equation may leave some vegetarians morally at a loss. The manner in which we think of lab-grown food is what stands

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cultured meat. National news anchors hosted the event among a circus of journalists and members of the scientific community alike, launching the term “Frankenburger”. The unveiling of an edible product has brought in some surprising support from animal rights groups, including PETA. “As long as there’s anybody who’s willing to kill a chicken, a cow or a pig to make their meal, we are all for this,” said Ingrid Newkirk, PETA’s president and co-founder in an interview with CBC. “Instead of the millions and billions [of animals] being slaughtered now, we could just clone a few cells to make burgers or chops.”

The big reveal of the first lab-grown hamburger demonstrated that mankind can grow meat without the standardized process of raising, slaughtering and processing animals. The Dutch government originally funded Post’s program to produce the in-vitro burger, but by 2010 the initial grant had run dry, leaving a mysterious benefactor to step in to see the project come to completion. During the London debut of the in-vitro burger, which may have been the main attraction, Dr. Post revealed the identity of the independent financial backer to an awe-struck crowd, Google co-founder Sergey Brin. “Sometimes a new technology comes along and it has the capability to transform how we view our world. I like to look at technology opportunities where the technology seems like it’s on the cusp of viability, and if it succeeds there, it can be really transformative to the world,” explained Brin.

“There are basically three things that can happen going forward. One is we will all become vegetarian; I don’t think that’s really likely. The second is we ignore the issues, and that leads to continued environmental harm. And the third option is we do something new,” said Brin when explaining why he was compelled to contribute to the project.

in the way of our appetite.

“In theory, it’s a much better quality burger.

Once you get over the lab-grown gross factor, it’s actually quite exciting. No more ground up cow anus or testicle in your burger. Just lovely bits of muscle from an organic cow,” said Nathan Gray, a science journalist with FoodNavigator.com. A squeamish feeling still tends to linger when posed with a burger created in a petri dish by a scientist in a lab coat as opposed to a butcher in a blood stained apron. There is an apprehension that is a basic human instinct. The concern about the hamburger is whether or not it’s natural. Although nature is not always synonymous with goodness, what makes something “natural” is hard to define, much like something as abstract as human intelligence in nature. Human children are natural, but if they are born from in-vitro fertilization are they no longer considered natural? Defined as existing in or caused by nature, “natural” specifies it cannot be made or caused by humankind. With science making leaps and bounds, the in-vitro burger a prime example, the definition of “natural” itself may evolve. Arguably, creating cultured meat is less unnatural than raising farm animals in intensive farming confinement systems, injecting them with hormones, and feeding them artificial diets.

The “father of animal liberation” Peter Singer has praised the recent effort to produce cultured meat. “My own view is that being a vegetarian or vegan is not an end in itself, but a means towards reducing both human and animal suffering, and leaving a habitable planet to future generations,” said Singer. “If in-vitro meat becomes commercially available, I will be pleased to try it.” Conventional meat grown within the animal itself is not always good for overall health; research has shown that being a regular meat eater can lead

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opinions

Tinderella, Tinderella MODERN VS. TRADITIONAL DATING Gabriel Scorgie, CON

Steve Tornes, PRO

× Writer

× Writer

[CON] Long ago, in a far off world, there was a time when people met in person. It was a time when people learned about people’s interests through coffee dates and conversation rather than reading a 150-word or less biography. It was a simpler time — it was a better time. Okay, that may not be entirely true, but there is something empty about getting a notification from your phone informing you that you’ve been matched with someone. There’s something about seeing someone you’re attracted to, in person, chasing after them and finally getting them, for a night or a lifetime. That’s much more satisfying than staring at a computer screen.

At this rate, future romance books won’t be about “standing in a bar, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw you walk in the room,” instead it’ll be, “laying on the couch, covered in Cheetos dust, when I felt my phone vibrate in my sweatpants pocket.” Of course, meeting people is hard. It’s supposed to be.

People have to overcome fear, self-doubt and anxiety. But that’s what makes it so good. When people overcome those fears, they start to see personal growth. When they finally work up the courage to talk to the person they’ve had a crush on all year and then find out the feelings are mutual. Or not.

But even then they learn that rejection isn’t as bad as originally thought. Apps like Tinder make it harder to make that progress. Nobody is taking a risk by setting up an online profile, a few photoshopped pictures and a short “bio”. There is no courage in anonymously “liking” 50 people and only being able to talk to the ones that “like” back.

“Throw shit at a wall and see what sticks,” and “quantity over quality” are both applicable Tinder mottos. It’s a popular app because it’s easy and comfortable. Not because it’s good. When you have a seemingly limitless population of attractive people to choose from, it’s easy to reject someone who you would be all over in real-life for the more trivial reasons. Elbows too pointy? Next. Cliché tattoo?

Nope. Unpronounceable name? Goodbye. And in a society that already has a growing issue with body image problems, it would be nice to see a dating app that places a higher value on personality.

[PRO] “There’s nothing ill can dwell in such a temple,” writes Shakespeare. “If the ill spirits have so fair a house, Good things will strive to dwell with’t.”

It is not a bad thing to judge people based on appearances because when you first meet someone, it is impossible to know them right away. In the

beginning, all we have are first impressions. We are always taking a chance when we first meet a person, whether we first see them in a bar or their picture in an app. Tinder simply makes it more convenient and easily accessible.

Tinder is an app for meeting people, nothing

more. It is another avenue for people to connect in this impersonal and cold city. If a person is shy, then this app lets them connect to people more easily. For some people, the persona they create online could be more true to their inner nature than the first impression they give off. Tinder is not about finding your “true love” but about meeting new people more easily, and should be judged only on that merit.

People have this horrible habit of only staying within their comfort zone. Some people just hang out with the same friends, go to the same bar or only join groups they feel comfortable in. Dating apps are amazing because you can connect with people you might not normally have met. Sure, it is good to date people with the same interests, but sometimes it’s fun to date someone completely different because you will learn more from them.

Perhaps you’ll learn to appreciate hiking up Grouse Mountain every week, or perhaps, discover the joy of Dungeons and Dragons. The greatest benefit of Tinder is that you can meet people you would have never have met on your own.

If you meet someone and feel the destruction of your soul when you find out that they are already in a relationship, then you should have used Tinder.

The beauty about a dating app is that everyone is looking for someone. This means that you already know more about people on Tinder than people in the real life — because you already know that they are not in a relationship. It is a mutual understanding, which is often missing, in real life. Our lives have become intertwined with social media, like Facebook, and it has allowed us to stay connected with friends around the world. A dating app is just the natural progression, allowing us to connect to more people. Are dating apps perfect? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean that it is without value. Just enjoy it for what it is.

× Kristen Wright

profit over culture THE RUMPUS ROOM SET TO CLOSE

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Amber Bedard

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× Writer

The final days of the Rumpus Room, beloved Main Street landmark and restaurant, are numbered. The restaurant is set to close at the end of March, leaving patrons shocked and disheartened.

The site is set to be demolished and replaced by an apartment complex, leaving many questioning the ethics of city councilors. Is the closure of the Rumpus Room just another example of city planners placing profit over culture?

The sudden news has many flocking to the cultural hub, paying a sad homage to a favourite pastime.

The fight to keep the place open has been a long and difficult battle for the owners of the restaurant.

Known as a “cozy hangout with ‘70s inspired meals and décor,” the Rumpus Room offers an array of board games and comfy seating to accommodate the most nostalgic of patrons. In its wake, the restaurant has come to be known as a cultural centre,

a Main Street vestige. For people like Eric Miranda, a lover of the quintessential landmark, the closure is down right disturbing. “It was a place where you could take your guard down, put your feet up, talk some nonsense, play some Jenga and relax.”

To Miranda and others like him, the fear is that Vancouver will become a cultural wasteland — cold, concrete and unappetizingly unaffordable.

“It’s pretty shitty that [the restaurant closure] has to be at the loss of a defining factor of Main Street.”

He continues, “There are numerous spots between 2nd and 16th that would create way less of an uproar about the situation."

It is clear that the Rumpus Room offered much more than a good atmosphere and a satisfying meal.

It was a living, breathing representation of the community. The allure of Main Street is its culture: youthful, vibrant, bohemian and artistic. This culture is what makes many proud to live in a city like Vancouver. The culture defines spaces and molds them into places that feel like home. “Main Street has become this crazy place for the congregation of the youthful people of the city, where subcultures have and continually merge in harmony, and the

Rumpus Room no doubt had a hand in that.”

“It is a kind of richness you find in being close to friends, extended friends and friends of friends, where it is at the point that most people can’t go up Main Street or Commercial [Drive] without seeing at least one person they know,” explains Miranda when describing what sets this neighbourhood apart. “It is unique in it being small town, big city, and it would truly be a disappointment to see the things that make it this way destroyed and replaced with condos.” Or, in this case, replaced by a four-storey, multi-use apartment building. The richness that these unique establishments bring, like little hole-in-the-wall, offbeat type places like the Rumpus Room, doesn’t seem to reach top city bureaucrats. It is apparent that the bottom line, money and who can make more of it, is the loudest voice in all of this. Culture and affordability have long been swept to the side.

Although, there is a petition against the demolition of the Rumpus Room, it doesn’t seem to have much weight. The petition reached 2,470 signatures as of March 20. The question is begged: does a petition like this actually make a difference?

It is the view of many that the value of cultural hotspots is irreplaceable. It is clear that these places matter, as demonstrated with the petition. For Miranda, it’s cool places like these, carved out niches, which make Vancouver a cool place to be.

“They all play a key role in creating [an] atmosphere that makes Vancouver so special,” says Miranda. The owners of the restaurant have stated that they hope to re-open at a different location; however, the same issues that have confronted them are rampant all along Main Street. It’s uncertain what the next step will be, so it can be assumed that a re-opening is not in the near future.

If you want one last stab at chicken and waffles, breakfast poutine or a cheap mid-day beer or two (or three), you better hurry. Soon, “good ol’ Rumpy” will be nothing but a reminiscent pang in our hearts. For Miranda, the hardest part is that he has to find a new first date spot. “It's going to be sad to part with Rumpus Room, especially because now I don't have a first date spot where I could rely on my Jenga abilities to compensate for my poor conversational skills.”

opinions

FAYE ALEXANDER OPINIONS EDITOR

OPINIONS@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

vote, baby!

TRUDEAU BIRTHS HIS BEST CAMPAIGN Kevin Kapenda × Writer In late February, and a few days after the Liberal Party Convention concluded, Liberal leader Justin Trudeau’s wife Sophie Gregoire gave birth to Hadrian, their second son and third child. Babies and young children often enhance the likeability and relatability of political and public figures alike in campaigns because the optics and symbolism of parenthood is a faction of life that almost everyone can relate to. Media coverage of politicians’ partners, children and some cases parents, is not a new trend.

Since he first became a Montreal MP in 2008, Trudeau has often drawn comparisons to his father, former Prime Minister Pierre Elliot Trudeau — comparisons that are sometimes positive and sometimes negative. The presence of his three young children, while campaigning next year, will help further authenticate his warm and caring image of a suburban dad who, despite his privileged upbringing, will stand up for Canada’s middle class.

However, even with good optics, it is almost certain that Trudeau’s youthful character and young family will only help bolster the belief of most Conservatives and some independents that the Liberal leader is inexperienced and not ready to run a national economy, like our economist prime minister.

In February, when Hadrian was born, Trudeau

× Crystal Lee was very subtle in his communication of the news, posting a picture on Twitter clutching his finger.

Though the Trudeau family has decided to keep the birth of their newborn fairly private, having not published any photos of the child yet, this hasn’t stopped Liberal Party president Anna Gainey, from using the birth of Hadrian to register party supporters by jotting down the contact information of would-be voters who wish to pass on their congratulations to the Trudeau family. Those who want to send their regards to the couple will be added to the party database, which uses contact information such as e-mail addresses to sell memberships and collect donations from registered supporters of the party. Gainey, however, views this move as non-political, stating that it is for observers and supporters of the Liberal leader who simply want to congratulate Justin, and his wife, on adding baby Hadrian to their family. “Don’t expect to see Trudeau in the news for the next few days, he’s with

his family,” said Gainey in Maclean’s. “I imagine many of you would like to express your excitement and happiness for the family, so we wanted to give you that opportunity here [on the party website].”

When campaigning, politicians are often seen with their families, as it can be used to establish some kind of connection between candidates and voters as parenthood is something many Canadians experience. Karen Brunger, president of the Toronto-based International Image Institute, told Maclean’s that it is usually hard for political leaders to mask the lives of their children because family life can yield many political advantages for candidates.

Brunger told the magazine that voters love to see candidates with young and cute children, because it makes them seem caring, warm and less robotic in a political culture which is full of aggressive and confrontational rhetoric and attack ads.

Brunger’s interviewer, Joan Bryder of Maclean’s believes that Gainey’s actions were exploitative because she used the birth of Hadrian to add would-be voters to the Liberals’ supporter database. Brunger’s analysis of the conflict has been mixed because her experience leads her to believe that almost all political parties use their candidates’ children to gain support. “I don’t know a politician who doesn’t use their children,” states Brunger.

Brunger also notes that most politicians in Canada, at all levels of government, send mail-outs to constituents or would-be voters during the year, in which they are photographed with their children,

doing activities that most Canadian families can relate to. In fact, last December, Trudeau sent out a “Happy Holidays” card in the mail, in which the Liberal leader is seen kayaking with his older two children and his wife.

Like Brunger explains, the younger the children are the better for candidates at all levels of government. They are often new, like Trudeau, and are trying to pry away voters from already established leaders, like Prime Minister Harper. It is no secret that Trudeau and his young family are very likeable.

In the fall of last year, Michael Den Tandt of the National Post stated that Trudeau is undeniably the country’s “most likeable candidate.” However, in attack ads published by his main opponents, the Conservatives, there is a valid truth to their opinion that Trudeau is relatively inexperienced in comparison to Harper and out of touch with many voters on certain issues such as the economy and the decriminalization of marijuana. With the global economy being how it is now, and the role it will play in next year’s election, it is unlikely to me, at this point, whether or not having young children and youthful looks will be enough to propel Trudeau to victory over a Conservative Party that won re-election in 2008 and 2011, mainly because of their economic record. What is clear though, is that his young family and newfound popularity will help his Liberal Party gain much more support in 2015 than it did 2011, whether he wins or not.

rebuild not retool THE HONEST TRUTH FOR GILLIS Carlo Javier × Staff Writer

× Jana Vanduin

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twins, Kesler is still on board (only more disgruntled and probably as surprised as everyone that he did not get traded during the deadline), two young and inexperienced goalies, a fiery coach and a GM with his days on the job numbered. It’s always a tricky situation when fans begin to point fingers at the coach or at the GM. These guys are not the athletes who can physically alter how a game turns out, but the coach works to put his players in the position to succeed and the GM’s job is to put the right pieces together and build a team capable of success.

Pointing fingers and passing blame is not going to solve the Canucks’ problems, but in the world of sports, fingers will be pointed and this time they’re

×

scorers and twins, Daniel and Henrik Sedin, the two-way ability of forward Ryan Kesler, a collection of players who played their roles to the best of their abilities and, of course, one of the league’s best goalies in Luongo. Valiantly, the Canucks weathered issues with injuries and still managed to reach the playoffs several years in a row despite nagging ailments with their best players — showing considerable team resolve and chemistry. However, a hot streak from Schneider, a struggling Luongo, and the constant media pressure on whom to trade and whom to build around ultimately proved to be the Achilles’ heel of the Canucks.

Now here we are. The team still has the Sedin

THE CAPILANO COURIER

In his letter written to the season ticket holders of the Vancouver Canucks, president and general manager Mike Gillis reiterated that the team’s goal of winning the Stanley Cup remains the same, and that the long-expected trade of much-beloved yet much-maligned star goalie, Roberto Luongo, was a difficult but necessary move for the better. The letter seemingly comes off as a solemn message for Canucks fans that are financially capable enough to afford the second most expensive game tickets in all of sports — second only to the Maple Leafs!

The letter is also a futile attempt to maintain a strong relationship with a divided fan base, considering that the once perennial Stanley Cup contenders are now very much primed for a temporary rebuild, and not the retool that Gillis proclaimed.

The situation the Canucks are in is all too familiar in sports. Sometimes the boundaries between greatness and mediocrity are ultimately dictated by a cycle: great players age and inevitably fade, team chemistry fumbles, money issues rise and GMs panic. There are many other factors that can bring a powerhouse team down; ill-advised trades and the ever dreaded injury problem are always in the mix. For Canucks, the problem can be boiled down to one single situation: the mismanagement of the goalie situation between Luongo and Cory Schneider.

After a series of years where the Canucks either lost to the eventual champions in an early round or missed the playoffs entirely, the team finally broke through about the time that the Winter Olympics were in Vancouver. For a stretch, the team featured a balanced offense-defense strategy of league-leading

towards Gillis. Unlike the other top teams in the NHL, the Canucks have never had a true franchise player. The team doesn’t have a Sidney Crosby or an Alex Ovechkin, a player that can single-handedly change the culture of the franchise. Instead the team is built on several very good players and role players, and in all honesty, the Canucks overachieved when they reached the Stanley Cup finals in 2011.

This season, the team has suffered from more laughably embarrassing losses than any other. Remember that 9-1 loss to the Anaheim Ducks? What about that 7-4 loss to the New York Islanders, where the Islanders scored seven goals in the third period?

The Sedins have struggled all year, Alexander Burrows has been incredibly underwhelming, and the fact that the biggest highlight of the year was a line-brawl with the Calgary Flames speaks volumes about the current and prospective season of the Canucks. Gillis is delusional in his futile attempt to calm fans that have already lost faith in a lost year.

He preaches a plan for a sustained long-term success by “surrounding our veteran stars with new, young talent.” He might as well have said “surrounding our declining players with unproven, inexperienced players.” Still, the Canucks will have some cap space to work with in the coming off-season. With a stroke of luck or genius, they may be able to swing a gamechanging player to the team. Or they can take a patient rebuild instead of a panic move laden “retool.”

One thing’s for certain, it’s not going to be Gillis making these decisions.

As for the goal of winning the Stanley Cup, that’s preaching to the choir. Every sports team in every association aims to win their respective championships; it’s ultimately the team’s goal, long-term or short-term. Unless it’s the Phoenix Coyotes, they’re just trying to sell tickets.

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columns

LEAH SCHEITEL COLUMNS EDITOR

EDITOR@CAPILANOCOURIER.COM

Girls on top BO$$, NOT BOSSY Amy Poulston × Columnist

A few things about Amy Poulston: she adores Harry Potter, can finish a crossword like a boss, and has a twin brother. While studying Art History and English at UBC, she also is an open-and-out feminist, and will argue her points in an articulate manner. Her column will explore feminist issues in today’s pop culture.

Could it be true? Do I really have Facebook to thank for something, besides helping me creep on random people? It really is true because last week Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg launched her campaign #BanBossy to spread awareness about double standards women face in roles of leadership. These double standards are shown in the campaign as authoritative men being referred to as “leaders” while women with the same traits are called “bossy”, constructing negative views of women in power. The video clip accompanying the campaign features celebrities such as Beyoncé, Jennifer Garner and Jane Lynch, as well as successful business woman Diane Von Fustenberg and former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. Other high profile figures including Michelle Obama, Alicia Keys, Victoria Beckham, Katie Couric, Melinda Gates and Chelsea Handler are also lending their faces to the campaign. Sandberg has already written a book called Lean In to empower women to become leaders, and while this new campaign will benefit everyone in its attempt to break down negative labels, it is a similar message now targeted towards younger girls.

The #BanBossy campaign shows many different statistics that highlight the true impact of negative words like bossy. The stats show that young girls’ self-esteem drops three-and-a-half times more than boys’ during school, girls are twice as likely to worry about how others will view them

× Ksenia Kozhevnikova negatively when they are in roles of leadership and that girls are called on less in class while also being interrupted more when they do speak. The dominant negative labels we are shown are “bossy”, “pushy” and “stubborn”, which cause girls to be less interested in leadership than boys. This is a huge issue that affects girls into adulthood, as we can see when we look at female presence in corporate America and the world. As Business Insider wrote, “At the lowest levels, more than half of the employees in organizations are female.” They then show that as you move up the corporate ladder this ratio lessens and “the number of women steadily shrinks.” This continues until we reach the top rank of CEO, where “worldwide, there are only

three per cent to four per cent who are women.”

The even more shocking thing is that these facts are all evidenced in an article by Business Insider entitled “Why Women Are More Effective Leaders Than Men”. This article showed that studies proved women were actually more effective leaders than men due to many factors including their consistent desire for self development, their increased ability to foster relationships, their ability to be more positive role models and their higher capability in delivering results. If women are not only capable of being leaders but in fact excel at being leaders then this campaign does a great job of building the desire to lead in the minds of young girls.

Another ad I saw before #BanBossy premiered

was an ad by Pantene shampoo in the Philippines.

It has since become so popular that Pantene will be launching it as an international campaign. The ad features situations for strong career men, which are then followed by the same situation featuring a woman in the man’s place. They attempt to show the double standards in how each gender is viewed in the corporate world. A man in an office is seen with the word “boss” behind him, while the woman mimicking his actions has the word “bossy” behind her. A man speaking at a podium is seen as “persuasive”, while the woman is shown as “pushy”. Parents working late nights show a dad described as “dedicated” to his work, while the mom is “selfish” in her ambition. This continues with “neat” contrasted against “vain”, and “smooth” contrasted against “show-off”. The ad ends with the slogan, “Don’t let labels hold you back,” and the hashtag #ShineStrong. While this ad is ultimately trying to sell hair products, it touches on the same issues as the #BanBossy campaign, and is great in how it works to make people more aware of our double standards towards women.

While thinking about the word “bossy”, the song by Kelis from 2006 instantly came to mind.

Here was a song by a woman, calling herself bossy in a positive way and proudly singing about how it has brought her success. In this way Kelis was attempting to reclaim the word and make us aware of negative gender labels. These gender labels occur because females are trained to be kind, passive and non-confrontational, so when society sees a woman who is aggressive and self-promotional, it goes against the stereotype of what a woman should embody and causes hostility. Since so much of our behavior is due to cultural factors rather than what we are actually capable of, these negative words and gender stereotypes really do matter.

So instead of letting men take all the positions of power, let’s confront these negative stigmas and become the successful leaders studies show we are meant to be. As Queen Beyoncé sings, “A diva is a female version of a hustler.”

for argument's sake

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CAFFEINE CONUNDRUMS

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Tomas Borsa × Columnist

Whether we call them “sacred”, “taboo”, or simply “off-limits”, some things in life are guarded, and their place of privilege in the collective consciousness is all but taken for granted. They’ve had their time in the sun — it’s time to hold them to the flame, and this is just what Tomas Borsa will do — argue against things that typically wouldn’t be argued against. And argue back, simply for the fun of it.

Caffeine. It is the fuel which keeps the world turning, a commodity (literally) more valuable than gold. Stop in at a restaurant in Milan and you’ll find it in a short cup of espresso. Nip in for a spot of tea in London and you’ll find it in your Earl Grey. Head to the gathering of the Juggalos and you’ll find it in your Faygo. It is everywhere, and

no amount of well-meaning advice from a board of cardiologists is ever going to change that.

Caffeine is my everything. It is the single ingredient which sustains my productivity throughout the day; without it, I am a bed-ridden sack of potatoes. Caffeine means the difference between a day spent thundering through to-do lists and a day spent lollygagging on a couch. But dagnabbit, if words-per-minute were the metric of a certain something’s usefulness and benefit to society, then meth would be decriminalized in a heartbeat.

And so, for all its magnificent, ass-kicking bravado, there are some definitively god-awful aspects to caffeine that need unpacking.

First off, no one needs caffeine. Neither a midday energy crash nor a habitual gravitation towards Starbucks’ gaudy green gates are signals that your body is genuinely yearning for a hit — it’s an indication that you’re covering up some other inadequacy in lifestyle and diet. You need sleep, not another triple-venti-half sweet-non-fat-caramelmacchiato.

But alas, you and I both know that’s advice both

unsolicited and unlikely to be heeded. Why? Because we’re addicts. Granted, there are plenty of worse things to be addicted to – self-flagellation, painkillers, and MineCraft all spring to mind — but for many, caffeine is nevertheless a legitimate and apparently socially-sanctioned addiction.

What begins as an occasional pick-me-up soon becomes a daily habit on which the rest of the day’s productivity hinges.

And like every other drug worth doing, that addiction comes at a hefty expense. Assuming you’re a seasoned fiend who gets their fix from one large barista-made coffee ($4), and one large homemade drink per day (an average of $2), your daily habit works out to a monthly total of $180.

But price isn’t the only concern here: coffee, the source of roughly two-thirds of the world’s caffeine fixes, carries a whole other set of baggage. The vast majority of the world’s coffee production takes place in developing countries, while consumption happens mainly in the industrialized economies.

In Brazil alone, where almost a third of the entire world's coffee is produced, over five million people

are employed in the cultivation and harvesting of over three billion coffee plants. But as global demand for coffee has risen, market prices have fallen. Coffee farmers’ incomes have declined to such an extent that many are left earning less per month than the cost of a single cup of the beverage derived from their crop.

Call me a sentimentalist, but that doesn’t sit well with me.

Speaking of which, caffeine also triggers something called peristalsis — or, in layman’s terms, it makes you poop. I understand that might be a cool party trick in some circles, but ingesting anything that causes me to shit my pants is generally something I try to avoid. On top of that, caffeine curbs your appetite dramatically. For some, that might be seen as a positive (likely the same crowd that finds the aforementioned bowel-vacatingproperties beneficial) but I happen to really love food, and I want no part in a romance that takes me away from my one true love. What’s the use in living out a jittery existence if you can’t even fill it with cheeseburgers?

columns

life money TRAVELS: WHERE FRIENDSHIPS ARE FOUND

Brian Cameron × Columnist

Brian Cameron is a writer, traveler, cyclist, and all around good guy. While he is currently based in Whistler, snowboarding the winter away, he is also planning his next adventure. Maybe becoming a Sherpa, who knows? Keep updated on his travels at Neverlostforeverfound.blogspot.ca Gems are found in the oddest places, and so are best friendships. I was on a trip with a few of mine in South America when I met the latest addition. We were in Mancora, Peru and had sent it pretty hard the night before. I was awoken by my longtime friend Katie shaking me and screaming “Jordan’s dead!! He’s in the streets of Peru not answering and sleeping on garbage!!” I jumped up from bed and followed Katie to where Jordan was.

I found him completely passed out at 6 a.m. in the fetal position using a garbage bag as a pillow lying on the sidewalk. After I realized he was just asleep and thankfully not dead, I threw him over my shoulder and proceeded to carry him back to our room. It blows my mind what you can get away with in these countries. I walked casually by the front desk with one of my best friends over my shoulder and the only thing the concierge had to say was “Buenos dias, quiere desayuno?” which translates to, “Good morning, do you want breakfast?”

We made it back to Jordan’s room to put him

× Cristian Fowlie to bed. Katie and I found another friend, Gomez, butt-naked on his back snoring so loud I was worried he’d inhale his own face. At this point, I was laughing hysterically at the state of the humans I regard as my “best friends”. I threw a sheet on Gomez to cover him up but that just managed to do the opposite and woke him up. Gomez has this habit of blasting the biggest smiles at the worst times — right when he’s really pissed you off, he’ll smile and say, “Why are you so mad, buddy?”

I’ve never wanted to punch someone in the face I care for more than Gomez. I asked “Mez, why are you so naked?” and he just smiled his stupid grin

Staff Editorial

and replied, “Why wouldn’t I be?” as the scent of a rum distillery wafted from his mouth. After about 30 minutes of naked still-drunk Gomez chasing me around the halls of the hotel asking, “Why don’t you want to give me a hug, buddy?” I managed to convince everyone to go for breakfast.

We had opted to stay in the cheaper local hotel rather than the tourist hostel, Loki. All of us except Jordan had made it to breakfast out front and as we were finishing eating he came barreling out of our hotel yelling, “Swimming!” The first person to jump on board was still-drunk Gomez and I didn’t want to miss out on the humour that would ensue,

TODAY SUCKED

Andrew Palmquist × Production Manager

Drawing maps helps me get from place to place. This is the map I drew to get to Cap for day one.

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document, figuring out our page size, what pages go in colour, which article goes where, whose name is whose and so on. Eventually Leah showed up and asked, "Is everything okay?"

"Hmmm, no. The Internet sucks, and I am trying to figure things out. It's going to be a late evening. Did you drive?"

"No, I rode my bike."

"Okay."

It's times like these having a friend makes life a lot easier. This was Leah’s first official day as Editor-in-Chief, and she did not know what she was doing. I can say that because she told me that.

We arranged the pages as best we could. Things were looking okay. Then in came the rest of the staff. Meeting new people is great, especially when you’re going to be working with them. Because, you know, a few weeks from now you’re going to know more about each other and you’re going to

×

Late in the evening, after mine and Leah’s runthrough exporting and formatting the paper for print, a storm came through. It knocked down some power lines in such a manner that our Internet at the office didn’t work. It amazes me how much we, me, you — maybe not your grandma, but definitely you — rely upon the Internet. Our software is all linked to the Internet. I came into the office on Friday and turned on the computer. I tried to open InDesign, but it would not open. I went to access the Internet, but it would not open. I went to go cry some tears, but I could not cry them. The complete 24-page template I had created the day before was useless. Unable to export and use the template on my own computer, for various technical reasons, I was left to start from scratch.

Thinking back on it now, it was very minor. But at the time, this was the worst thing that could have happened. So there I was, creating a new

share some laughs. We went around and introduced each other. I was not in the mood for that. I was stressed out at my workstation trying to create a newspaper, but here it went: "Hi, my name is Andrew. I like to ride my bike, blah blah blah."

I listened to everyone introduce themselves and then got back to work.

"So, how’s it going?" I heard Leah say as she put her teeth back in.

"Good, we can probably send this to print soon."

"Really?! Jeez, you’re amazing probably the best!

Andrew you’re so clever! You should be crowned king and eat pizza and grapes all day!" I may have exaggerated what Leah said to me, just a bit.

As I went to send the files to the printer I realize again, "Darn, we don’t have Internet..."

"Shit. What do we do?"

"Let's package it up and send it from home?"

"Good idea. Who do we send it to?"

"I have no clue."

It was very late at that point, kind of a blur to me. Actually, it is a full blur. What I can recall is closing the office door behind us on our way out and thinking, "This is going to be fun, but today sucked." We rode our bikes down that amazing hill and up and over the Second Narrows. As I was coasting down the hill I realized my thought when I closed the office door was correct. This is going to be fun.

I have met a dozen very talented journalist. Yes I am referring to the entire staff. It's thanks to them that I have pages to layout on Thursdays and Fridays. What I've read and learned from them is very inspiring. We've ate pizza, burped and traveled together. That sounds like friendship to me.

We all have a passion for this news paper. We love it. It is our paper baby.

THE CAPILANO COURIER

What started as a smooth sailing run through of the Capilano Courier’s production schedule soon took a turn for the worse. It was 3 a.m. and 24 hours later when we threw in the towel. But I am getting a little ahead of myself. This is how it began.

“I'll see you at the office for noon-ish?" my friend and now Editor-in-Chief, Leah asked me on a Wednesday afternoon.

"You bet, see ya there!"

Being near the end of summer, the weather was quite pleasant. Having ventured from my place in Kits to Capilano a few times, I thought this may be a great opportunity to ride my bike. As I set sail on my two wheels, with a breath of enthusiasm, things seemed to be going way too easy. An hour and a bit later I arrived at the office door.

"Here is your key, and the code is ****," said Leah, a little short of breath. The hill up to this place is steep one. "****, ohhh yes, the year Columbus sailed the seas, or something like that," I replied.

"Sure. Do you need me to repeat the code?"

"No, I've got it." It took me 18 issues in to remember that code. I would text Leah in the morning every Friday asking her for it. Sometimes she didn’t even know the code. I became friends with the morning security guards. Dressed in their patrolling uniform, they would come into the office and say, "Forgot the code, eh?"

"Yeah, I'll get it one day," I would respond.

I miss not seeing the morning patroller. Our conversations were short, to the point and we always nodded our heads farewell.

so the three of us took off down the road. Loki hostel used to be an all-inclusive resort that had gone under and been sold to the Loki hostel chain.

It’s absolutely gorgeous beachfront property with a massive pool for the low price of $10 a night.

Jordan managed to talk our way onto the grounds so we could swim in the pool by insisting we’d all lost our bracelets and were staying there.

Once we were in, we jumped into the pool and within seconds, making attempts at triple shoulder rides. Just picture a guy getting a shoulder ride while a third guy tries to climb on his shoulders. Needless to say, with their blood-alcohol content, it didn’t go too well. Eventually we were half-drowned and out of breath, hanging out poolside when some guy walked up and said, “I’ve been watching you guys for a bit and you seem like a crew I can get weird with!” he introduced himself as Jay and bought a round of beers. Over the next week or so Jay became an integral part of our crew and though his actions earned the nickname “Caesar”.

That was over three years ago and I’m proud to say Jay is now one of my best friends and confidants. He’s up in Vancouver more times in a year than I can count. We’ve been down to California to visit and to take trips to his brother, Robbie’s, place in Mexico. You never know where you’ll be or what situation you’ll be in when you meet your best friends. Regardless of where or when you meet them, having best friends is one of the most important things in life. They keep you grounded when your ego is soaring and pick you up when you’re down in the dumps. Friendships are like all the male bathing suits of Europe — the tighter they are the better, because without them it’d all hang out, and that’s not good for anyone. #friendshipsarethebestships

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Kristi

Cheryl's Grandma's Birthday Ottawa All Day $ - cost of a flight to Ottawa

@capilanocourier Leah's Dad's Birthday

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Somewhere in B.C. All Day $ - cost of three tanks of gas

@capcourier

Alex Leslie M 24

CapU 1 pm $ - free

CapilanoCourier.com Saintseneca

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The Biltmore Cabaret 8 pm $10

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Our Art Director, Cheryl, is visiting Ottawa for her grandmother’s 100th birthday party. For her birthday present, Cheryl has stolen our EIC, Leah’s, dentures so that grandma can have a nice new set of pearly whites to commemorate her century on earth. Unfortunately, it’s putting Leah back a few hundred bucks.

Our EIC’s daddy is turning 62. You may remember him from such editorials as “Let’s Get Old Together” where he advises Leah to stand up in a pen full of balls that she was literally drowning in. He’s right — next time you’re choking on balls, remember to just stand up and breathe.

Vancouver writer, Alex Leslie, reads from her work as part of the Open Text series. Her book of micro-fictions named Twenty Objects For The New World was published in 2011 and she’s the proud recipient of a Gold National Magazine Award for personal journalism and a CBC Literary Award for fiction.

The band Saintseneca is so little known that its Wikipedia page was deleted because there was “no explanation of the subject’s significance.” Growing up as a fat ginger, I’ve heard my share of insults, but for a struggling band to get deleted from Wikipedia because they just aren’t relevant—well, that’s a burn if I’ve ever heard one.

Porcelain Fashion Show

Editor-in-Chief Elections

Cheese Tasting Class

St. Vincent

Performance Works (Granville Island) 6 pm $25

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Maple Dumpster 11:30 am $ - cost of democracy

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The Modern Pantry 6:30 pm $40

T 25

Commodore Ballroom 7 pm $27.50

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Class 143 of John Casablancas Institute is hosting a fashion show to celebrate their coming graduation. Join in celebrating and contributing to their chosen charity, Covenant House Vancouver.

There’s got to be some wild creations among the bunch – perhaps a dinosaur-inspired ensemble complete with scaley make-up.

It’s that time of year again, when spring comes abounding and students are nail-biting all the way until their final exams—and then probably drinking it off at the Two Lions promptly thereafter. Why not come by, chow down on some free pizza and vote in next year’s Editor-in-Chief. They might hire you on-staff if you do.

I love cheese. I’m pretty sure that it’s my love affair with cheese that keeps me consistently overweight. But I’d rather be that than ever have to give up baked brie with some roasted garlic and jam. Anyways, this tasting class is for those who want to gain a more discerning palette than mine — like someone who can detect the hints of fig in that sharp gouda.

Oh, St. Vincent — is there a picture of her anywhere in which she’s not frowning and wearing her hair the exact same way she’s been doing it since she emerged in the late oughties? She just seems like the kind of person that would seriously dampen the mood of a party. She plays in support of her self-titled upcoming release.

Against Me!

Sea Wolf

Taco...Wednesday

Golden Age of Musicals

Commodore Ballroom 8 pm $18.50

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Biltmore Cabaret 8 pm $12

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La Taquiera All Day $ - four for two

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Coast Capital Playhouse 2 pm $12

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Florida punk-rock foursome tours in support of latest release Transgender Dysphoria Blues, with guests Laura Stevenson and Cheap Girls. From the sounds of their new album, Against Me! Might be totally overwhelmed by Facebook’s new 58 gender options — it’s best not to let them know about the change.

L.A. indie folk-rock band led by Alex Brown Church, with guest Ben Rogers. This kind of music is best consumed at your bedside along with some cookies and warm milk, and maybe some pictures of your ex and the voodoo doll you’ve made out of the strands of hair they left on your pillow after breaking up with you.

Ok, La Taqueria, Taco Wednesday just doesn’t have the same ring to it as Taco Tuesday (marketing tactics, people!), but who are we to disagree with a bargain? Every Wednesday, when you buy four tacos, you get two for free. Every Wednesday.

Not Tuesday. Got it?

You’d be upset not to see our resident musical buff, Jeremy “Moustache Francais” Hanlon at this afternoon of songs and stories from musicals like Anything Goes, Gypsy, Thoroughly Modern Millie, and Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella… but he’s broke. Why don’t you buy him a ticket?

Honky Tonk Heroes

Savour Our Neighbourhood

The Drowsy Chaperone

Gamer Corner

The Bottleneck 10 pm $ - free

Th 27

Heritage Hall 6 pm to 9 pm $35

Th 27

Blueshore Financial Centre for Performing Arts 8 pm $10-22

Th 27

Birch 166 4 pm $ - cost of a Magic card

Th 27

A night of rebel rock & outlaw country with DJ Elliot Christopher Way and friends. All vinyl, all night long from his personal collection of wax.

There will be beer and whiskey specials and ain’t no cover! Tunes include Waylon, Willie, Townes and anyone else who’s picked up a guitar around the same time they left their wife, lost their job and had to suffer through the death of their dog.

Savour the flavours of the Mount Pleasant neighbourhood—and no, that doesn’t just mean eyeing up the exceptionally good looking staff at Kafka’s coffee house. Highlights include cuisine from local eateries, wine from Tinhorn Creek Vineyards, craft beer, entertainment and a silent auction.

Exit 22 presents the Canadian musical about a theatre aficionado who is stuck inside his apartment listening to a recording of his favourite 1920s opera when the characters come to life.

Kind of like a sonic, more sophisticated version of Alice in Wonderland. It’ll be a trip, but we don’t suggest showing up on mushrooms.

The Gamer Corner is back again this Thursday, featuring discussions from the rarest Pokemon cards to the most imaginative game of Dungeons and Dragons you’ve ever played. Maybe you’ll even play a round of D&D, but it’s unlikely you can wrap it up in just an hour and half. Well, good luck!

Noah

After

Vancouverites: A Comedy

Game of Thrones Burlesque

A Theatre Near You All Day $ - more than downloading

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Havana Theatre 8 pm $20

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Hot Art Wet City 8 pm to 10 pm $5

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The Rio Theatre 7 pm $25

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Well… this is awkward. I mean, physicists just found a ripple in time that almost completely proves that the Big Bang is responsible for creation, and then Hollywood comes out with this epic Bible tale featuring Russell Crowe about God drowning the entire world and starting over. But the question remains: are you not entertained?

Kind of like that movie featuring the cast of Popular, Young People Fucking — four people: a man and woman in their 20s and a man and woman in their 30s, each at different stages in their lives, get themselves caught up in complicated and sometimes surprisingly emotional and confusing conversations, all taking place after sex.

Amber Harper-Young and Brent Constantine bring you very funny stories about what adjusting to Vancouver has been like, told to you by some of the best Vancouver comedians. Outsiders settling in Vancouver may very well relate to these tales of cold rain and colder people.

It’s not like there’s not enough nudity in the HBO hit series A Game of Thrones, but if waiting everso-patiently for some nudity in the much anticipated season four premiere has got you, well, a little impatient, throw down a couple bucks and see some real-live dragon boobs for yourself. Disclaimer: performers aren’t the actual actors for GOT - too bad for all you Emelia Clarke fans.

Hawkers Market

Lipservice

Tuck Shops: Spring Night Market

Mark Sultan

East Van Studios 6 pm to late $10

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The Imperial 8 pm $20

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The Toast Collective 5 pm to 10 pm $2

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Electric Owl 7 pm $8

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The Imperial hosts an all-out Jimmy Fallon-style lip sync battle. As a bonus to the hilarity on stage, Lipservice is raising funds for imagine1day, a local Vancouver charity creating global change through their education-focused work in Ethiopia. This night of syncing, drinking, dancing and changing the world simply should not be missed.

Browse the hipster-est of Vancouverite hipster goods, like gluten-free treats, Kombucha drinks, and jewelry made of air plants. Purchasable items also include wearable wood, body products, leatherwork, hot sauce and t-shirts! If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to get your hair French-braided for a small price.

Made at least a little bit famous by his partner in crime — literally — King Khan, Mark Sultan, better known as BBQ in the King Khan and BBQ show shows up at the Electric Owl to play with guests, Neighbourhood Brats. That is, of course, if he doesn’t get arrested in Arizona for drug possession somewhere along the way.

Blim Market

The Simpsons

Sunday Blues Revue

Sunday Skate

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Celebrating its one-year anniversary, the Hawkers Market is throwing a party and announcing the launch of their Kickstarter project at the market.

Expect the biggest line-up yet of Hawkers and more food trucks, 33 Acres beer, cocktails, dancing and more. Kind of like a summertime market, chow down and buy shitty iPhone covers!

THE CAPILANO COURIER

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with

Heritage Hall 12 pm to 6 pm $2

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Refresh your home and closet with curious knickknacks and some unique gifts for those spring babies at the first Blim community market of the year. This month, the Blim Market will feature handmade accessories, jewellery, vintage, pottery, cards, gifts, baked goods and more from 50 local vendors.

Fox 9 pm $ - cost of cable

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The Simpsons is STILL making new episodes. If you’re a non-Simpsons snob, like me, you’ll still wait patiently every Sunday for new episodes.

And then you’ll watch the Simpsons Movie all over again, perhaps while playing the Simpson’s Tapped Out game on your iPhone.

The Columbia (New Westminster) 5 pm to 9 pm $ - free

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Enjoy the New Orleans style venue, newlyrenovated, for some blues by some of the finest musicians in this vintage show lounge every Sunday night for Sunday Blues Revue—which is odd, considering this old playhouse is primarily used for stand-up comedy and overpriced drinks.

Robson Square Ice Rink 9 am to 9 pm $ - free skating, $2 rentals

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If it’s just too cold for that North Shore hike, where animal tracks are frozen in the what-oncewas mud, it might just be the perfect temperature for an outdoor skate. Brought to you by our Olympic hosting city from 2012, this rink boasts free skating and super cheap skate rentals.

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caboose where your scotch is always cold Faye Alexander × Opinions Editor It’s a certain kind of person who finds themselves drawn to this place. Alert, NV — Canada’s northernmost community. Generally, it’s just a passing ground for military personnel who busy themselves with this and that. Nothing I pay much mind to. Being this far north has always brought me comfort, despite the comings and goings of army types and the presence of radio towers which are likely conspiring with Russia’s (which can be seen just over the horizon), being far removed from the hustle and bustle of regular Canadian life suits me fine. It does tend to get lonely up here on the tundra, and women are scarce at best. That’s what you sign up for when you come to Alert. Something about the isolation has to appeal to you.

I get by though. I opened a small goods store and offer hot chocolates to whomever passes through right by the airport. I take my liberties with the pricing. No one can argue on a $7 cocoa when there are no competitors within an easy hundred miles. It affords me my modest luxuries like my subscription to Scientific American and a few other magazines that keep the loneliness at bay. I’ve developed an affection for a couple bud-

ding beauties and I take the time to write them and critique their poses and stylistic choices — which I’m sure they appreciate. It will only make them stronger and may just help land them a magazine where they can keep their pants on.

The first time I saw Gary, he was debarking the smallest charter plane I have ever seen around these parts. You’re not like to see a real aircraft here, but it was barely a tin can with wings. It couldn’t have seated more than five by my reckoning, and he was the only one I saw climb down to the icy runway.

Wearing one of the wildest seal-skin parkas I had ever seen, I saw the twinkle of an adventurer in his eyes — even at a distance. Walking across the tarmac towards my shop, I noticed the peaks of silver peeking out from below his beaver-fur cap and a concerning lack of luggage.

“Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey,” he says in a voice as loud as hell’s bells as he drops his fists on the counter. “The name’s Gary Parsley and I’m seeking provisions.” Gary makes his introduction with the kind of shit-eating grin that reminds me of an eccentric politician. He might as well have been one. By the time we get to talking about what brought him to these parts and how he’d come to Alert, he delivers everything with a wink and a chortle. Always falling short of a full chuckle, Gary chortles unhinged, obviously finding him-

self quite entertaining. I know the type, A-Type, like me. A real alpha-male. It’s the only type of man that could face this great unknown. When I ask him over a cocoa what his intentions are here, he smiles slowly and scans the landscape. “It’s the final frontier, Jack,” dropping a second marshmallow in the paper cup, “I’ve lived and laughed and loved all over this land, but I never made it this far North — so why not end it here?”

“End it here?” I say. “You’re planning on staying?” A small wave of anxiety washes over me. A new man in town could encroach on my business if he had any intention of making a living up here. I can’t imagine he is independently wealthy, not by that coat and the tattered leather suitcase he’s sporting.

“Oh no, I’m not staying,” says Gary Parsley. “I bought a harpoon and packed this here suitcase with bottles of the finest scotch, and I have one fine glass I purchased in Nova Scotia. I’m off to make it on my own. Up here, I’ll never run out of ice. That’s what I told my wife,” he says, smiling, “but you know women, they don’t understand adventure.”

He slaps his one way ticket down on the counter next to the empty scotch glass. ONE WAY. He offers a grin while picking my shelves of odds and ends. His choices don’t make all that much sense to me, but my selection is limited. I’ll give him that.

A jar of pickled eggs is what really catches his fancy and he goes off on a tangent about how his mother used to pickle things in the Depression. I’m not sure that’s true. He offers me an American Express business card, but I don’t have a machine. I admire the man, really. I let him take the eggs and a tin of sardines on the house, even offer him some fishing line and a few old copies of Scientific American to keep his mind alert.

He leaves on foot after shooting the shit for close to an hour in my little shop. He left me his wife’s address with instructions to inform her of his passing through — and to express to her in my own words that his journey was one of importance. He never explained why it was important, he left me to answer that one, knowing I would probably be the best man for the job. It was an elation to have a new person to write. When I ask him where exactly he is going, Gary bursts into his most guttural chortle yet. “North!” he exclaims, raising the harpoon into the air. I see him treading out into a great white nothing, disappearing into the frozen unknown. He’ll find his adventure, surely. He never looked back.

a final repose Michael Bull × Writer

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× Arin Ringwald

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They laugh at what they don’t understand. I don’t blame them, naturally. The others might. We don’t speak much, those of my ilk, so I don’t really know how they feel, but I’m fairly certain they feel the same as I do. We hold no contempt for the folly of their youth, because we have been around long enough to understand the difference between malice and ignorance. They’re just too young to understand. Plucked from their homes at such an early age, like I was, green is the colour of their novice nature. They can mock me. They can call me soft.

They can stand tall and look down upon those who can no longer stand themselves. They can chuckle with derision at our flaccid and sagging stalks. They aren’t wrong, of course, but soon they will come to realize that being soft is just as much a part of time, as time is a part of all of us. We all grow soft, sooner or later, and one day, if they are lucky, their stalks will start to sag, and their stickers will start to

peel and they will finally know, and they will finally understand that there are worse things than growing old, and there are worse things than a peaceful, if rather unremarkable, death.

I had a family once. We grew up bunched together, a part of the same great tree. Leaves grew in every direction and we would keep the company of the chirping of birds. Though I don’t remember much, I remember it clear and vivid, as if it were only a few months ago. The beautiful beginnings of a life lived together; gentle winds subtly sweet, the summer sands, the sun the colour of our destiny. We would laugh and we would carry on, swaying and swinging in our ignorance. But soon our tree, our great and magnificent tree, would know us no more and we would be ripped from our homes in mute anguish and despair.

Ceaseless pokings and proddings have left me bruised and tired. I’m nearing the end, but hope-

fully my end is sweet and the air will smell both of myself and my memories. I have seen what happens when the green turn yellow. I have seen rows of gnashing teeth and I have seen snot-nosed fervour and I have seen my family skinned and flayed by dirty and unforgiving hands. After the great purge, only a few remained. While I lay motionless and prone to bearing witness, horrors no one should have to imagine, let alone see, I wondered, ‘Why us? Why were we spared?’ To this day I have often wondered the same thing, though I suppose it doesn’t really matter. Fate is fate, time is time, and we all see the beginning of the end. All I can do is pray that I will die serenely, that my flesh will decompose within my skin and I will be not be around to see the last mash. All I can do is pray that my skin will be buried with the earth, so I can be a part of all things, so I can once again be a part of that great tree. I look for a dignity in my

end and for a purpose in my elderly solitude.

I weep often now, with no effort to conceal my feelings. My skin is mottled and ugly and grows more moist by the day, but I know few regrets.

I sat next to a honeydew melon once. We didn’t talk much, but the sweet smell of his summer skin reminded me of home. It was, apart from my humble beginnings, the best time of my life, and also the worst because he couldn’t sit still and bumped into me all the time. I was secretly pleased when he was cut open and his insides were ripped out and made into a delightful fruit salad. Fuck that guy.

Sacrificially yours, That Gross Banana

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JEREMY HANLON CABOOSE EDITOR

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Julia Gabriel // Pooper Scooper

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Michael Ros // Smooth Move

Carlo Javier // #Hung

I’ve always thought death was a shitty thing, having to suddenly leave the life you’ve been living to go towards the light, unaware if you’re headed up or down or maybe even to some strange afterlife to the left or right. The grim reaper must have some ironic sense of humour, because for me, death was the shittiest thing I’ve ever experienced — literally. Long story short, I died by suffocating under 200 pounds of elephant poop. As a zookeeper, exotic constipated animals were fairly common.

Who knew it would be my downfall. One minute I’m standing behind Dumbo, and the next thing I know, all I can see is a giant tidal wave of shit.

Hitting me with such force that I was knocked unconscious, I couldn’t even see the fucking light that everyone always talks about, all I could see was brown. Two-hundred pounds of deadly feces squashed the life out of me, making my body barely visible to the poor zookeeper who saw only my big toe peeking out from the pile. I feel bad for whoever it was that had the job of recovering my corpse. Death is literally shit, and I can still smell it from the afterlife.

This is definitely the shittiest way to die. Not only is their last waking moment going to be them choking on and inhaling shit, but that’s also how they’re going to be found. After being missing for hours, calling police and the search dog leading to the base of a septic tank, there’s no way to downplay a death like that. Nobody has ever been casually found in the bottom of a shit-filled tank. A farmer doesn’t wake up every morning wondering how many bodies he’s going to be pulling from his septic tank on that day. It’s just not the type of place people expect to find bodies, likely because they don’t look or smell like a very good place to go take a dip and relax in. And the mortician won’t have enough industrial strength soap and bacteriaremover to get rid of the smell that comes with a body that was marinating in poop for a few days. If you thought you smelled bad after a few days without a shower, think again. One can only hope that the family isn’t insistent on an open casket funeral.

Elvis was a King — and no shit — he died on his throne. “Throne”, because judging by what he ate, that's probably where he spent most of his time, and “no shit,” because due to his narcotics abuse, he was constipated. But, explaining that last joke is like dissecting a frog — you know more about the frog, but the frog is now dead. Kind of like how when they did the autopsy, they discovered more about Elvis, but the Elvis is now dead.

And personally, I hate it when people kick it in the bathroom — I prefer glamorous, wide open spaces, which is why I refuse to believe Elvis is actually dead, merely joining the ranks of Michael Jackson, Jesus, that one man from the Beatles, and of course, Abraham Lincoln. Conspiracy theories aside, it’s actually quite a terrible and embarrassing way to die when many (sound-minded individuals) believe you’re not actually dead, let alone victim to a lethal butter-on-butter addiction. Neil Young once wrote, “It’s better to burn out than fade away,” which Elvis clearly disregarded — now forever immortalized by his use of the “push out” option instead.

Many people have died with a heart full of shame.

Kurt Godel was a brilliant mathematician, he was also considered one of the greatest logicians in the history of humankind, but his logic — or lack thereof — ultimately led to his death. The genius was so paranoid of getting poisoned that he only ate meals made by his wife, then one day his wife was hospitalized and incapacitated. The man who takes the cake however, truly wins the trophy for most embarrassing death. Kenneth Pinyan, an American Boeing engineer died due to a perforated colon. That means something that shouldn’t be in his ass, was in his ass. (Hint: it was a horse’s penis.) Make no mistakes, Pinyan didn’t die during intercourse, he died later from the injuries. The worst part about his death was that he and his three friends have been reported to casually and often visit a farm in King County, Washington. Yes, this was a thing. But Pinyan didn’t leave without a legacy, his tragic end led to the state prohibition of sex with animals, as well as videotaping of people having sex with animals. P.S. The true worst way to die is not getting saved by Jesus before you die. #Jesuslovesyou

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