Who Is Lois Griffin?

Quahog, Rhode Island is not a town for the tranquil, and resident 43-yearold housewife Lois Griffin can attest for its quaint rambunctiousness — much of which goes on right under her own roof.

Born Lois Patrice Pewterschmidt to affluent Protestant parents Carter and Barbara — along with younger sister Carol — the redhead speaks with a nasally, distinct New England accent, often filled with enthusiasm. She resides on Spooner Street with her husband Peter; their three kids Meg, Chris, and Stewie; and their dog Brian.

To say the wealthily-raised Lois is living lavishly today would also be a lie, but the Griffins make do. While Peter rakes in the cash from his job as a shipping clerk at Pawtucket Brewery when he’s not engaging in shenanigans, Lois holds down the fort with laundry, cooking, and her favorite pastime of all, grocery shopping.

“Things can get mundane and stressful at home, especially since my husband can act like a fourth child most of the time,” she says, “but a large part of my sanity comes from grocery shopping. Dozens of aisles full of exciting, endless possibilities that I can escape to. Sometimes it’s the little things in life that bring the most joy.”

Despite being a housewife at her core, Lois has had balls in many different courts throughout her life. “I’ve held multiple jobs in my life, never staying at one for very long,” she says with a grin, her lips chalked with red lipstick. “Sometimes you just get bored.”

What most don’t know is that Lois was nearly a part of the American diving team for the Olympics as she was once a professional swimmer in her past life. She had to give up her dream once she fell pregnant with her first child Meg, though tried passing on the competitive swim genes to her youngest Stewie by devoting time to his swim lessons.

“I think there might be some unresolved resentment there, but sometimes, you have to set aside your own dreams for your children, and that’s okay,” Lois says, looking down with a glimmer of sadness in her eyes before returning eye contact. “That’s what being a mother is all about.”

She dedicated herself to a new hobby, one that’s much more manageable with three kids, and it even earns her money on the side. Lois finds joy in the musical stylings of the piano — her’s a brown wooden one standing upright with a red cushioned bench. She sits and plays a tune, one she calls the theme song of her life.

“Once, I tried forcing Meg to play for a big show against Alexis Radcliffe, my tough competition, when one of my students couldn’t make it — big mistake,” she says. Not musically inclined whatsoever, Lois let Meg go from the shackles of being a musician, discovering Peter’s talent for the keys instead. Sometimes, even the intelligent dog Brian likes to join in.

“I’m kind of the outlier of the family,” Meg says. “My mom can definitely be intense at times, but deep down, I believe it’s from her love and dedication for us.”

It takes some warming up for Lois to feel more vulnerable in conversation. She’s a personable person, but not when it comes to digging deep inside of herself and her past. “I can tell you another career path I nearly went down, nothing I haven’t exposed before,” she says, with a small grin forming and narrowing eyes. “I was once in an adult film in college back in the 80s.”

This wouldn’t be the first time the news has exposed Lois’ darkest secret. She once confided in Joyce Kinney, the new Channel 5 News co-host at the time, who then took it to air in front of all of Quahog. Looking at Lois, you can still see the steam coming out of her ears, seething from the situation. “We go way back to high school and never had a good history,” Lois says, refraining from the details. Kinney was unable to be reached for comment.

Once a welcomed face in the neighborhood, Lois was made out to be a pariah of the town, affecting her kids at school and the family’s church-going time. “My religious practices have always kept me grounded,” she says. “When I was turned away from the priest, I was lost and beside myself. It wasn’t until I talked to Brian when I realized I had to face the past in order to move forward.”

So what did she do? She took charge of her body and soul, making a bold statement by showcasing the porno to the congregation. “Oh my, it was such a rush,” she says giddily, shaking her hands in fists while closing her eyes and reopening them wide. “Turns out the church crowd can get quite rowdy. They took me back in after that.”

Lois might have some bad blood with the press, but coincidentally, she’s also had a job as a reporter — with Fox News. She got a job opportunity after Rhonda Latimer left her position. Her first assignment was to do an expose on Michael Moore, and when she discovered that it would potentially put Rush Limbaugh in a bad light, Fox News refused to publish compromising material about the fellow conservative. “I got so excited about a job opportunity, I just couldn’t refuse, despite getting warnings about their bias,” she says. “After they went against honesty and integrity, I couldn’t keep working there, so I left.”

Speaking of politics, did you know Lois was Quahog’s mayor for a short period of time? “That was a complete mistake,” she says sternly.

When the Griffin family went swimming at a friend’s cabin in Lake Quahog, they discovered an oil refinery dumping toxic waste, causing them intense hair loss. Complaining to Mayor Adam West and outraged at his admittance of sanctioning the waste in exchange for free goods, Lois decided to run against the incumbent — despite no political science education.

“I nearly didn’t win the race, but I guess I was able to swindle them with my charm,” she says with a slight chuckle, shrugging her arms. She was able to raise enough money to clean up the lake, restoring it to its naturalistic state — but it nearly didn’t stay that way for long. “The corruption that goes on behind-the-scenes, it’s easy to get persuaded and brush it off.”

With her morals crumbling, Lois had no choice but to resign from the short-lived position, leading Mayor West to return to his role. “I was consumed by the money and power — especially the power part,” she says. “I turned into what I set out to dismantle, contributing to the system I’m firmly against.” champion who has killed three women in the ring — who challenges Lois to a match.

“Right before that, I had gotten a broken nose and thought to myself, ‘Is this really what I want to be doing?’” she says. “I was nearly about to retire when Deidre just pissed me off by insulting Peter — no one does that to my husband, except maybe me.”

A pre-fight interview with Deidre revealed her intentions to kill Lois in Round 6. Was she scared? “Not even a little. That only made me more mad.” She was getting demolished for the entire fight, nearly becoming unconscious. But with an exuberant amount of pent-up rage, she got back to her feet, knocking Deidre unconscious herself. “That was the last time I ever fought, and I think that’s enough for me. The next morning, I was surrounded by my family having a lovely breakfast and realized, that’s all I need to keep going.”

She could never hold a job for very long (besides the occasional piano lesson). She says trying new experiences, many even later in life, excites her and distracts her from the mundane life of a housewife. But at the end of the day, the core of the satisfaction from all the hats she wears is always missing something, so she goes out to seek it elsewhere.

Lois doesn’t have many regrets, but compromising herself will always be one of them. But with the adrenaline rush of power she so craved, she later turned to a new outlet.

“It all started when I went with Peter to a female boxing club for the first time after he got tickets for his birthday,” she recalls. “I was volunteered for a fighting competition and I won, but I had never fought before in my life — I was completely baffled, so I vowed to never fight again.”

Like her position as mayor, that didn’t last long. Her husband, amazed at her talent, had tricked her into going to a boxing club. “I was so angry, I imagined I was fighting him, and I won again. When I got home that night, I had this sudden drive to do it again.”

Lois took it seriously and started working out, inspired and set out to become a champion boxer, fueled by her inner rage for Peter’s childlike tendencies. Eventually, she became the top-ranked boxer in Quahog, and is commemorated by Mayor West with a statue unveiling. There, she’s stopped in her tracks by Deidre Jackson — an undefeated

“Sometimes, I think that elsewhere is a new job, a new hobby, and sure it can be,” she says. “But really, it’s my family — Peter, the kids, Brian. They may all drive me nuts, but in a way, I live for the chaos.”

LEFT:

Lois seen stunned at the disaster her husband, Peter, and kids Meg, Chris, and Stewie have made.

RIGHT:

Lois has had many identities over the years, from porn star, to boxer, she still feels the most comfortable as a good, reliable housewife.