Wellness Rabbi Zoe B. Zak – Befriending Death

Rabbi Zoe offered an in-service in December for staff called Befriending Death. In our culture, the topic of death and dying is not comfortable now to broach or access. She loves that in our community we are so loving and embracing. Also, she appreciates that we always want to learn and improve ourselves. We are faced with having to think about and deal with end of life more so than a community that supports children or some other life phase. She experiences us as so sensitive and loving and caring that the person who is at the end of life may have the blessing of a beautiful end of life experience.

She shared some of her experiences and things she had learned with our “holy” community. The most important thing is to show up and be there for someone at the end of life. She has arrived with an idea of what should happen and realized that what she thinks she is going there to do is not what is most needed. Arriving without an agenda is best. Sometimes just sitting there and being and keeping company with the person is best, since they are going through their own very mysterious process. Being there as a comfort for the person who is dying and their family member is very important. She has found it best to tune in and find out how she can be most helpful. Setting herself aside is a very helpful approach in these moments.

We also need to take care of ourselves, which can be one of the hardest things, particularly if our loved one is near the end of life. It is very crucial to speak to your loved one as though they hear every word. Speak from your heart and say what you truly feel.

On the other hand, it is good to know when to hang onto emotions if the person would be disturbed by seeing you in distress; these can be processed at a later time.