Suspended state

For many people the uncertainty of the times is frustrating and stressful as plans are shelved and ambitions seem thwarted.

While a lot of the freedoms we lost in 2020, as we fought the COVID‑19 pandemic, have been returned to us, life as we knew it pre‑coronavirus has not.

Although we are thankful for the near‑normal state we are in compared to most of the rest of the world, it is still normal to feel a little frustrated, stuck, or powerless as we negotiate 2021.

We are still in a slightly suspended way of life – that big European trip is off the cards for now, interstate travel is precarious, and some people are finding goal‑setting and future planning difficult.

Should you take that interstate job offer? Should you risk planning your wedding? What should you do now that you’ve finished university and the job market is looking bleak?

Kerry Athanasiadis, Psychologist and Practice Director at Be You Psychology & Counselling in Camberwell, said it is worth remembering that change is the only constant in life – and that’s how it has always been. “COVID‑19 has certainly reinforced this idea for us, but we tend to forget that this was always the case, even prior to 2020,” she said.

I believe that it can be helpful to still set intentions or wishes, as this can help to give us a renewed sense of hope, direction and purpose.

“However, I also think it’s important to be realistic. It may help to bring some flexibility to our plans, and also invite some openness, acceptance, and willingness to change these plans at short notice if the situation with COVID escalates again.”

Having a plan B, plan C, and plan D in place is a great idea, she said. Ms Athanasiadis suggests focusing attention on things we have control over can help manage frustration but, at the same time, don’t give up on dreams and hopes for the future.

“It is helpful to hope for a brighter future – it can also improve our mood and reduce anxiety,” she said.

Ms Athanasiadis said it’s okay to feel disappointed when plans have to change at short notice but we should equip ourselves with the tools we need to avoid giving up.

“Last year was a very tough year for all of us and it’s okay to validate the feeling of wanting to give up. At the same time, we should also acknowledge that we didn’t give up – we survived.

“Perhaps ask yourself: ‘what helped me to get through 2020? What resources, tools or coping mechanisms did I draw on to get through it?'"

Life coach Suzy Green agrees that planning in smaller steps is a good way to approach the current uncertainties.

“Start with short‑term goals and planning, such as one week then four weeks etc. After this stage, then look at longer term goals like six to 12 months,” she said.

“It depends where you are in your life whether you wish or need to look at your two to five year plan.

“I think we need to be aware of COVID and the uncertainty, but we still can plan ahead and always know with COVID things may change at any time.”

Like Ms Athanasiadis, Ms Green believes it’s important to avoid giving up on projects and plans.

“I like to envisage how I would feel if I gave up and, on the other hand, how I would feel if I succeeded or changed the way I am doing something. Obviously, the latter would make me happier,” she said.

Both women believe that mindfulness or some form of meditative self‑care is helpful in retraining our brains and learning to plan differently. And both urge anyone who is struggling to adjust to talk to friends or family, or seek professional support if necessary.

As we learn to adjust and rethink our ambitions and plans, while holding onto our dreams, we can also continue the lessons of last year and master the art of living in the moment.

“2020 showed so many people how to be grateful for what we have and where we live. Let’s all live in the moment but also look to a happier and healthier future for us all,” Ms Green said.

Ms Athanasiadis emphasises that being able to come back to the “here and now” is the most powerful tool of all.

“Life is happening right now, and in this moment everything is okay,” she said.

The takeaway from both the psychologist and the life coach is that even for people who have a strong need to goal set and plan, a new normal and a fresh approach is possible without sacrificing that characteristic and without feeling there isn’t a coherent way forward.

“The issue isn’t with setting goals, per se; it’s only problematic if these goals are too rigid and/or inflexible. So, try to bring some flexibility to the plans you set and see it as an opportunity to grow and develop,” Ms Athanasiadis said.

TIPS FOR AVOIDING STAGNATION AND STAYING POSITIVE

• Setting goals is not necessarily unhealthy. It is when we become overly attached to a particular outcome that it can be problematic.

• Acknowledge that it is in your nature to set goals and that it’s okay to want to. Learn to adapt and change those goals when necessary.

• Don’t jump the gun and cancel plans but certainly be willing to delay, change, or modify them as needed.

• Try to plan in smaller chunks. Work on short‑term goals, then stretch them out. That way, if plans change, you can hopefully adapt.

• Write a list of the ‘good’ things in your life, a list of the ‘dream’ things you would like to do, and when you think you could achieve them.

• It’s important to express disappointment and frustration and hold space for them. It’s okay to validate the feeling of wanting to give up, but also remember to acknowledge that you didn’t give up last year – you survived.

Psychologist Kerry Athanasiadis, of Be You Psychology & Counselling in Camberwell