STYLIN’

To: Editor Mike Seate Re: Motorcycle safety

I’m not suggesting your staff is getting older, but I think I rode past your esteemed editor and his left turn signal was on for five, maybe ten miles. Just wanted to let you know.

A Reader Who’s Very Observant East Liverpool, Ohio

Dear Sirs or Madams,

I stridently object to the inclusion of modern fuel-injected multicylinder motorcycles in a magazine titled Cafe Racer. From my perspective, a true ‘Caff’ racer is an air-cooled British single or twin with alloy tank, a magneto ignition, a proper kickstarter and swept-back exhausts, period. If I wanted to spend my precious Pound notes to read about the latest traction-controlled this or 170 horsepower that, I’d subscribe to Popular Science.

Yours, Ted “1950s Forever” Sanderson

Dear Cafe Racer,

What’s the deal with all the rickety oilspewing kickstarter-only British bikes you run? I’m 22 and would never, ever, under any circumstances pay for print magazine, but I read my Dad’s copies of your magazine whenever I’m visiting the folks to borrow money to customize my bike. At any rate, stick with the road tests of the latest fuel-injected traction-controlled 170-horsepower naked retros and superbikes and leave that old rickety stuff to Classic Bike. Ride on, bruh.

A Millennial Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Me and some buddies were riding along the New Jersey Thruway recently when I noticed a flash of light every time we blew through the toll booths. Does this mean some sexy toll-taker girl digs fast bikes and the guys who ride them? If so, she can hit me up on Facebook or Instagram under sexyfastHondaguy4409@gmail.com. Otherwise, what’s up with the flashing lights?

Studley Doright

Patterson New Jersey like so many throw pillows on canopy beds?

Just wondering, Larry Flynt, Bob Guccione and Hugh Hefner

Still Pervy in the Afterlife

Dear Cafe Racer Magazine,

By now, you may have heard about the absolute travesty that is the cancellation of the entire 2023 Irish Roadracing calendar. The bureaucrats claim the Ulster Grand Prix, Northwest 200 and other events have been axed due to escalating insurance costs, but I’m calling bullshit on that. The real reason the races – which are run at speeds exceeding 200 mph on narrow public roads fraught with all sorts of potential hazards – are canceled is because they race organizers have grown afraid that the racers might injure themselves. Nonsense, say I: at those speeds, even the slightest slides or crashes would result in instantaneous death, so on with the festivities, our group says.

Paul Bearer, President Irish Undertakers and Funeral Directors Association