The Utopia Issue

BUZZSAW What a Wonderful World April 2012

News & Views

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Buzzsaw  presents...

EDITORS’ COMMENT

The Utopia Issue

Nothing can be perfect. A utopia, a perfect place, would never truly exist because people are different, and they ZLOO DOZD\V KDYH FRQĂ LFWLQJ LGHDV RQ KRZ VRFLHW\ VKRXOG be constructed.

But people are similar, too. We are all human beings who want to better our society. Though society can never be completely perfect, we can envision and form an enhanced civilization. In fact, we go to great lengths to create our ideal world, from occupying a city for months (“By the People, For the People� by Daisy Arriaga, pg.

19) to living off the grid (“An Independent Existence� by Marissa Framarini, pg. 13).

Some people, of course, get a little out of hand concerning perfection — like those who attempt to design perfect children (“You Don’t Know Jackâ€? by Kerry Tkacik, pg. 25). But, we do need to believe in some form of utopia LQ RUGHU WR Ă€QG PHDQLQJ LQ RXU DWWHPSWV WR LPSURYH society. Otherwise, we think critique is useless, protest is ineffective and change is impossible.

Dystopias warns us of what can happen if we fail to change our detrimental behaviors. Sydney Fusto, in her article “Shop ‘Til You Dropâ€? (pg. 18), explains how our consumerist culture is enveloping our lives, as materials are becoming the only means in which we can relate to one another. In “The United States of Panem,â€? Kristen Tomkowid (pg. 34) describes how the dystopia created in The Hunger Games is not too far off from the state of the 8QLWHG 6WDWHV 6KH ZULWHV ´/LIH LQ WKH &DSLWRO UHĂ HFWV WKH economic inequality and materialism of America.â€?

With this issue, we hope to explore utopias through XQGHUVWDQGLQJ YDULRXV ZD\V RI OLIH DQG UHà HFWLQJ RQ D range of societal visions. After all, perhaps the only way we can begin to improve our society to satisfy the needs of DOO SHRSOH LV WR ÀUVW GLVFXVV WKHVH GLIIHUHQW EHOLHIV

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

<3 The Editors

ABOUT THE COVER...

In 1516, British philosopher Thomas More wrote Utopia, a book DERXW OLIH RQ D Ă&#x20AC;FWLRQDO LVODQG XVLQJ WKH VWRU\Ň&#x2039;V LPDJLQDU\ ZRUOG WR FULWLTXH WKH WURXEOHV LQ (XURSH 7KH LPDJHV RQ WKH %X]]VDZ FRYHU DOOXGH WR WKH ZRRG SULQWHG FRYHU RI 0RUHŇ&#x2039;V ERRN 7R FUHDWH WKH LP DJH ZH GLJLWDOO\ WUDFHG D SKRWRJUDSKHG H\H LQFRUSRUDWLQJ LPDJHU\ IURP 0RUHŇ&#x2039;V 8WRSLD LQ WKH LULV DV DQ KRPDJH WR KLV IDQWDVWLFDO LVODQG :KLOH FRQWHPSRUDU\ QRWLRQV RI ´XWRSLDÂľ DUH YDVWO\ GLIIHUHQW WKDQ WKRVH H[SUHVVHG 0RUHŇ&#x2039;V ZRUN WKH KXPDQ WHQGHQF\ WR LPDJLQH DQG VHHN RXW D SHUIHFW ZRUOG UHPDLQV $V WKH FRYHU VXJJHVWV WKH GHWDLOV RI WKLV SHUIHFWLRQ OLH LQ WKH H\H RI WKH EHKROGHU

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Adviser Founders

Kacey Deamer Gena Mangiaratti Meagan McGinnes Mariana Garces Jenni Zellner Catherine Fisher Danielle West Daniel Sitts Adam Polaski Jenni Zellner Alyssa Figueroa Andrew Rivard

Zachary Anderson, Chelsea Hartman, Darby Jones, Kayla Reopelle, Chelsea Russo

Jeff Cohen Abby Bertumen Kelly Burdick Bryan Chambala Sam Costello Thom Denick Cole Louison James Sigman

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Front & back cover by Daniel Sitts Table of Contents image by Daniel Sitts Center spread by Kennis Ku Upfront divider by Emily Miles Ministry of Cool divider by Layan Bitar Prose & Cons divider by Kennis Ku Sawdust divider by Jess Hock

Table of Contents News & Views .................................................4 Current events, local news & quasi-­educated opinions.

Upfront .......................................................11 Selected dis-­education of the month.

Ministry.of.Cool ........................................28 Arts, entertainment and other things cooler than us.

Prose & Cons ............................................39 6KRUW Ă&#x20AC;FWLRQ SHUVRQDO HVVD\ DQG RWKHU DVVRUWHG OLHV Threatening the magazineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s credibility since 1856.

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BUZZSAWMAG.ORG Our magazine exists to inspire thoughtful debate and open up the channels through which infor-­ mation is shared. Your comments and feedback are all a part of this process. Reach the editors by email at: buzzsawmag@gmail.com

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N Bews UZZSAW & Views

Sawdust .......................................................42

Compiled by Kacey Deamer

buzzcuts

American Utopias A timeline of attempted utopian societies

Robert Owen organized a socialist community, in which everyone was to share equally MR PEFSV ERH TVS½X MR [IWXIVR Indiana. The New Harmony Community’s 1,000 residents divided and eventually crumbled into chaos after the creation of a constitution.

1825 1841

Brook Farm was established in West Roxbury, MA, as a community free from the capitalist world. While cultural life blossomed, societal staples deteriorated, and after E ½VI MR XLI JEVQ [EW sold and the society dissolved.

1840s

The Shakers, whose origins date to the American Revolution, believed mankind suffered due to the lust of Adam and Eve. They created communities to escape society’s wickedness.

Strict rejection of marriage and demand of celibacy led to a decline by the 1850s.

A group of disaffected Methodists created the Society of the Burning Bush, which established a GSQQYRMX] [LIVI TVS½XW ERH property were common. The community thrived until the agricultural troubles of the 1920s led to a forced sale.

1930s 1971

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

in NY by John Noyes, combined cooperativist and Shaker beliefs. They practiced complex marriage, where all members of the community were married to each other. The community declined after Noyes himself ¾IH XS 'EREHE XS EZSMH persecution for adultery.

1896

The Farm Eco-Village was created by hippies from San Francisco in Summertown, TN. The Farm produced its own food and power, embracing simplicity and self-reliance — common to the Ecovillages of today.

Celebration, Florida was a planned community created by a division of The Walt Disney Company. In 2004, Disney sold the town center to a private real estate investment company.

1994

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1848The Oneida Colony, established

The depression of the 1930s led the U.S. government to create a number of settlements, though the theory behind them was not quite “utopian.”

1970s - 1980s

Jim Jones and a few Peoples Temple members rented over 3,800 acres in Guyana to develop a society based on religious devotion and living off the land. The utopia ended with a mass suicide and murder of 900 members of the community in 1977.

Facts compiled from: Gale Encyclopedia of US History, PBS, and The Guardian.

Last Stop, London

Cornell grad tries for Olympic gold

By Brittany Romano

T

Center. But after one year of training away from home, Nickerson recently decided to move back to Ithaca for the last few months before Olympic Trials. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Being around familiar faces in my old training environment, I felt that it was the best decision for PH WR Ă&#x20AC;QLVK RXW P\ last couple months of training,â&#x20AC;? said Nickerson.

He came back and chose Mike Grey, a former teammate at Cornell, to be his personal coach. Grey is a huge part of Nickersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s support system and says that he is less of a demanding coach and more of a friend to Nickerson to support and push him in his training.

Nickerson trains six hours a day in Photo courtesy of Troy Nickersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Facebook Fan Page addition to the time is the pace. Collegiate wrestling is a dedicated to rehabbing KLV LQMXULHV ZDWFKLQJ Ă&#x20AC;OPV RI KLV slower-­paced match where the athlete with the better endurance usually opponents and focusing on his diet.

After four shoulder surgeries and a wins.

At the international level, Nickerson few other serious injuries, Nickerson said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really fast paced, much said he couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t train as hard as he more focused on technique than used to. â&#x20AC;&#x153;[A]t this point in my career I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t conditioning.â&#x20AC;?

Nickersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s next step is the Olympic know if I would ever consider myself trials in April. Here, the U.S. national fully healthy,â&#x20AC;? he said.

Fortunately, Nickerson has more teams for wrestling are assembled for control over his training in Ithaca and a tournament in each weight class he is able to test his limits without and style.

Whatever the outcome of the pushing too far. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Troy is able to battle Olympic trials, Nickerson said this through injuries and does not make is going to be his last year competing excuses, despite the adversity he due to health issues. faces,â&#x20AC;? said Grey. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m really just trying to take it one Nickersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s focus is on his body day at a time,â&#x20AC;? said Nickerson, â&#x20AC;&#x153;and GXULQJ WKHVH Ă&#x20AC;QDO PRQWKV RI WUDLQLQJ make sure I leave the sport on my With his weight being one of his toughest opponents, Nickersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s terms and walk away with no regrets.â&#x20AC;? nutrition is a top priority. He must ____________________________________ also adjust his mentality and strategy Brittany Romano is a sophomore to be able to compete at the national journalism and sport media major level. The biggest difference between who plans to win gold in table tennis. collegiate and international wrestling Email her at bromano1@ithaca.edu.

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News & Views

roy Nickerson has had four shoulder surgeries and a sidelining back injury; most wrestlers would hang up their singlets and move on from the sport after college â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but not Nickerson. He has GHFLGHG WR Ă&#x20AC;JKW WKURXJK WKH KDUGVKLSV and give the sport one last run.

When Nickerson was pre-­med at Cornell University, he was the face of Cornell wrestling. Now, he hopes to become the face of American wrestling at this summerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Olympic games in London. After graduating from Cornell in 2010 and training in Colorado all last year, Nickerson has decided to come back to the sport for one last SXVK DQG KH LQWHQGV WR Ă&#x20AC;QLVK ZLWK gold.

Nickersonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wrestling career EHJDQ DW DJH Ă&#x20AC;YH +LV Ă&#x20AC;UVW PDWFK was against a girl, and he was pinned almost instantly. Despite this discouragement, Nickerson kept with the sport and began to train YLJRURXVO\ ZLQQLQJ Ă&#x20AC;YH 1HZ <RUN State titles at Chenango Forks High School in Binghamton, N.Y. At Cornell, Nickerson was a four-­ time All-­American and a national champion in 2009. Despite his achievements, Nickerson admits that he never reached all of the goals he wanted to and as a self-­motivating athlete, Nickerson constantly pushes himself to see what his limits are.

Throughout his career, Nickerson has had to wrestle just as many opponents off the mat as he has on it.

According to Cornell wrestling coach Rob Koll, â&#x20AC;&#x153;[Troyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s] biggest battle is with the scale, and the second biggest battle would be the opponent he faces.â&#x20AC;?

Making weight is a crucial part of wrestling; Nickerson plans to compete in the 121-­pound weight class at the summer Olympics, but in the past, he has competed in the 125-­weight class.

Nickerson must focus on keeping his weight at 121 pounds, which is an LQFUHDVLQJO\ GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW WDVN HVSHFLDOO\ as Nickerson gets older.

Nickerson stresses that wrestling is no longer just a sport â&#x20AC;&#x201D; it is his job. For the past two years, Troy has dedicated his life to wrestling. He moved to Colorado Springs to train full time at the Olympic Training

Love in the Time of Lymphoma An IC grad struggles with Cupid during cancer

By Adam Polaski

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

D

uring his time at Ithaca He ignored it for two months until College, Daniel Haack was the January 2011, when he woke up in %LJ *D\ RQ &DPSXV +H Ă LUWHG WKH PLGGOH RI WKH QLJKW WR Ă&#x20AC;QG WKDW WKH with everyone, went on dates every lymph node had expanded to the size few weeks with the best-­looking guys of a baseball and became tender. After at the school, and used his naturally three more months of medical testing FKDUPLQJ VZDJJHU WR HDVLO\ Ă&#x20AC;OO XS KLV DQG ZRUU\LQJ 'DQLHO Ă&#x20AC;QDOO\ UHFHLYHG a positive diagnosis in April 2011: He social calendar. +LV FRQĂ&#x20AC;GHQFH GLGQ¡W IDLO KLP ZKHQ had Hodgkinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lymphoma, a relatively he graduated in 2010 and moved to â&#x20AC;&#x153;curableâ&#x20AC;? cancer thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s common in New York City, where he continued young men in their twenties and dating, using the NYC night life as thirties. a backdrop for â&#x20AC;&#x153;My original new romantic approach was experiences. very matter-­ Meeting guys of-­fact,â&#x20AC;? Daniel was never a said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I said to problem for him, myself, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;I have and his pick-­up this disease, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m lines were never going to do the met with eye-­ treatment for it, rolls. and letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just go But a year from here.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;? later, when The treatment Daniel was involved eight d i a g n o s e d months of with Hodgkinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s chemotherapy, lymphoma at which Daniel the age of 22, he began almost started using a immediately, different line at going into bars: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hey, my the treatment nameâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Daniel, facility every Photo by Mallory Diamond and I have other Thursday. cancer.â&#x20AC;?

Over the weekend, he would recover â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was almost like a novelty,â&#x20AC;? Daniel from the chemo, dealing with his VDLG DERXW WKH GLVHDVH LQ KLV Ă&#x20AC;UVW nausea and fatigue and resting up so few weeks after being diagnosed. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It that he could go back in to work on was something that I embraced and Monday. treated lightly; I knew that it probably He strove to maintain normalcy, made a lot of people uncomfortable, refusing to take a leave of absence so I wanted to make it seem like at from his job and continuing to forge least my approach was light-­hearted.â&#x20AC;? new romantic relationships with guys He would make jokes about it, â&#x20AC;&#x201D; including a boy named Jonathan, explaining away his lack of hair or who Daniel had been casually dating other physical signs of illness before since prior to receiving the diagnosis. anyone â&#x20AC;&#x201D; new friends, potential Daniel quickly found that it was romantic interests â&#x20AC;&#x201D; could even be hard to maintain a completely normal curious. â&#x20AC;&#x153;At the beginning, it was life while dealing with cancer, and something that was more â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;interestingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; he began to see that the disease was rather than something that affected interfering with his romantic pursuits. me tremendously,â&#x20AC;? he explained. â&#x20AC;&#x153;When youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re undergoing chemo, Danielâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s initially light-­hearted dating â&#x20AC;&#x201D; especially dating someone attitude functioned as a defense QHZ Âł LV YHU\ GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW Âľ 'DQLHO VDLG ´, mechanism about his previous few had worries that he was only staying months, where he endured needle with me because he felt pressured by biopsies, surgical biopsies and endless the fact that I was going through this. doctorsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; visits trying to determine a I mean, no one wants to be the one diagnosis for the disease. The process who dumps someone with cancer.â&#x20AC;? began in October 2010, when Daniel Beyond that, the chemotherapy took noticed a painless, marble-­sized D VLJQLĂ&#x20AC;FDQW SK\VLFDO WROO RQ 'DQLHO¡V lymph node above his collarbone. body. The sickness and fatigue would

6

start right after treatment and last for several days, plummeting his energy. â&#x20AC;&#x153;They were putting poison into my body and basically breaking me down every two weeks,â&#x20AC;? he explained. â&#x20AC;&#x153;When I was sick after chemo, I just wanted to be alone. I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to be with anyone. I just wanted to be in bed and power through it by myself. I think the idea of someone being super close to me or sleeping in the same bed as me would have made me even more nauseous.â&#x20AC;?

Daniel and Jonathan eventually decided that the relationship wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the right thing for either of them, and stopped seeing each other.

Daniel soon found that cancer didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t just affect his relationship with Jonathan; it dramatically changed the way he viewed himself and made him second-­guess his decisions regarding meeting new guys and dating around. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve always gravitated toward being a strong, dominant person in relationships,â&#x20AC;? Daniel said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And all of a sudden, I was ill. I felt very weak â&#x20AC;&#x201D; like I was the one who needed care and needed protecting. It made me feel like a victim.â&#x20AC;? +LV VHOI FRQĂ&#x20AC;GHQFH IHOO HYHQ PRUH dramatically when the chemo started to affect his appearance, making him lose his hair, some muscle mass, his eyelashes, and his eyebrows. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The eyebrows thing really affected me â&#x20AC;&#x201D; I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know why it was just WKH H\HEURZV Âľ 'DQLHO UHĂ HFWHG ´, had always had dark, full, strong eyebrows. But when you look at SLFWXUHV DW VRPH SRLQWV LI WKH Ă DVK was bright enough, it looked like I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even have eyebrows. That made me feel neutered in some ways. It took away what I had considered essential parts of me and essential parts of being a man.â&#x20AC;?

Danielâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s increasingly negative understanding of his body image discouraged him from pursuing guys as much as he used to. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel ugly,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I just felt like I looked like I had cancer, and that really bothered me. I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to share my body with someone new when it was in that state â&#x20AC;&#x201D; I felt like my body was betraying me.â&#x20AC;?

Daniel found himself feeling stuck in a confusing mindset, one that was PDNLQJ FRQĂ LFWLQJ GHPDQGV â&#x20AC;&#x153;There was a profound part of me that wanted a romantic partner,

SEESAWpresents

&+(&. 287 285 9,'(26 $7 ZZZ \RXWXEH FRP XVHU EX]]VDZPDJ

â&#x20AC;&#x153;In Case You Missed It: Trampoline â&#x20AC;&#x201D; In the Beginningâ&#x20AC;?

Seesaw gives you the inside scoop on the newest event in the newest bar in Ithaca!

Lot 10, in the location that formerly housed Delilahâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, partnered with Buffalo Street Books, Catâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Pajamas, Buzzsaw Magazine and Standard Art Supply to kick off a monthly storytelling competition held on the third Thursday of each month. Though the theme was â&#x20AC;&#x153;In the Beginning,â&#x20AC;? as the nightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s festivities continued, a new theme began to emergeâ&#x20AC;Śswinging genitals.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Radio Documentary: College as Utopiaâ&#x20AC;?

Oh, college. To adults, it represents the â&#x20AC;&#x153;good olâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; days,â&#x20AC;? to the media itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a giant party, to parents itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a big waste of money â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but to students? This radio documentary in the style of â&#x20AC;&#x153;This American Lifeâ&#x20AC;? explores just that question.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Radio Documentary: Man in the Sunâ&#x20AC;?

Boca Raton, Florida is a retirement hotspot for snowbirds. Robert Krisky, a NYC native and grandfather of Rachael LewisKrisky, explains why he ½RHW *PSVMHE XS FI XLI perfect place to settle down for his golden years.

News & Views

especially when I was going through something like this,â&#x20AC;? Daniel said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But the idea of letting in someone new and expecting someone new to come in and embrace my situation was something I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to deal with. There were points where I really would have loved the companionship and the stability, EXW WKHUH ZHUH GHĂ&#x20AC;QLWHO\ WLPHV ZKHQ LW felt more appropriate to be doing this alone.â&#x20AC;?

Daniel found it challenging to negotiate the two desires. He had very quickly gone from being a strong, FRQĂ&#x20AC;GHQW PDQ WR EHLQJ VRPHRQH ZKR wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even sure what he wanted.

Eventually, he gave up on trying to date, enduring the last few months of his treatment removed from the dating game that had formerly occupied a VLJQLĂ&#x20AC;FDQW DPRXQW RI KLV WLPH â&#x20AC;&#x153;If I ran into someone cute who ordinarily I would have had an interest in, I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel like I was in the place to approach them or pursue them or anything,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to feel like a burden, and I made myself feel less strong than I actually was. I lost this sense of comfort and I was suddenly reevaluating my strengths.â&#x20AC;?

Instead, he turned to his friends and family, who helped him deal with his feelings and encouraged him to push through the discomfort of the eight-­month chemo process.

Now, a year after receiving the RIĂ&#x20AC;FLDO GLDJQRVLV RI +RGJNLQ¡V lymphoma, Daniel is in remission. He has to get PET and CT scans every six PRQWKV IRU WKH QH[W Ă&#x20AC;YH \HDUV XQWLO KH LV RIĂ&#x20AC;FLDOO\ GHFODUHG WR EH FDQFHU free. â&#x20AC;&#x153;For a while,â&#x20AC;? he said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m going to be living my life in six-­month increments.â&#x20AC;?

In the meantime, heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s transitioning back to the normalcy of his pre-­cancer life. ´,Q WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW IHZ PRQWKV DIWHU Ă&#x20AC;QLVKLQJ FKHPR ZKHQ , ZDV VWDUWLQJ to feel a lot better and my hair started coming back, I felt a sense of rebirth,â&#x20AC;?

Daniel said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m back to being the same guy as I was before being diagnosed, but with an extra drive.

Getting through cancer has really empowered me to become the best man I can be.â&#x20AC;?

As for his love life, Daniel is playing coy. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There are good things happening for me,â&#x20AC;? he promised with a smile. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m totally ready to get my life back to normal.â&#x20AC;? __________________________________ Adam Polaski is a senior journalism major who found love in a hopeless place. Email him at apolask1@ithaca.

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Where the War Really Lies When did safe sex make women slutty?

By Rachel Maus

L

DWHO\ VLJQLĂ&#x20AC;FDQW EX]] KDV circulated around President Obamaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Contraception Mandate, which states that private employers must provide contraceptives and other preventive services without co-­pays or deductibles to women who request them. The mandate was swiftly met with outrage by segments of the population, despite the Presidentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s insistence that religiously a f f i l i a t e d organizations would not be required to provide these services and that insurance companies would instead.

The compromise has not stopped social conservatives from slamming President Obama, going so far as to compare his administrationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s view on religion to Nazi Germany.

Many organizations â&#x20AC;&#x201D; religious and others, but namely the Roman Catholic Church â&#x20AC;&#x201D; have stated that the use of contraceptives is a VLQ DQG WKDW UHOLJLRXVO\ DIĂ&#x20AC;OLDWHG hospitals should not be forced to distribute an item they consider to be amoral.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;

I have a problem with the Churchâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hypocritical logic: according to a 2011 report from the Guttmacher Institute, an organization dedicated to providing factual resources on reproductive health, 98 percent of Catholic women (of legal age) have used some form of birth control. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m guessing the other 2 percent are the ones driving pickup trucks full of cats.

It does seem absurd that in this day and age we are more angered about the idea of providing a service to womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s health then â&#x20AC;&#x201D; oh, say, our tanked economy?

Or perhaps the increasing threat of nuclear warfare?

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been 50 years since birth control ZDV Ă&#x20AC;UVW GHYHORSHG and I thought we had stopped arguing over the morality of it around the same time that polio stopped being a threat.

Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s next? A resurgence of McCarthyism? After all, didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you hear our president is a communist? I wonder which Atheist, Commie scum WKH\ ZRXOG JHW ULG RI Ă&#x20AC;UVW %LOO\ -RHO" Bruce Willis? Dear God, just donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t let them take Kevin Bacon.

But I digress.

Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a real issue beneath the surface here: Why arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t more women being vocal about this contraceptive

Image by Clara Goldman

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â&#x20AC;&#x153;

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

We are, once again, reverting to a patriarchal society where women have no rights or control over their body.

conundrum? It appears that all of the most in-­your-­face protesters of Obamaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mandate have been middle-­aged men, including Senator Roy Blunt of Missouri, who wrote an opposing bill that claims employers should be able to opt out of Obamacareâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s regulations based on moral or religious reasons.

This isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t a question of First Amendment Rights. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a question of power. If an institution has the power to deny access to preventative services based on their religious convictions, then whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s to say it will stop there? Had Bluntâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bill been passed, it would not only have included contraceptives, but any other drug or service the individual in charge has a â&#x20AC;&#x153;religious or moralâ&#x20AC;? opposition to. This has sparked a surge of anti-­women bills being passed, including a Georgia bill that would require women to continue to carry stillborn or dying fetuses, which could put her own life at risk.

Or an Arizona bill that would give HPSOR\HUV WKH ULJKW WR Ă&#x20AC;UH D ZRPDQ for being on birth control unless they present proof that they are not using it to have sex (i.e. for hormonal or acne treatment). From bills such as these it seems as though we have stopped caring for the living woman and taken up the role of champion for the zygote.

One such embryonic-­crusader is none other than presidential candidate Rick Santorum. Apart from statements made to CNN in which he insisted a woman should have to carry a child conceived out of rape because it is â&#x20AC;&#x153;making the best out of a bad situation,â&#x20AC;? he has also shown h i s ignorance to why women need birth

to people such as Limbaugh and Santorum, are sluts. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ask me WR GR WKH H[DFW PDWK ,¡P D Ă&#x20AC;OP major. But we could totally just turn Nevada (the state with the most teen pregnancies, according to a 2006 study, also conducted by the Guttmacher Institute) into the national slut-­scaffold.

Another thought to consider is, what about the men? Women are not the only ones using birth control tactics. Men use condoms all the time, yet who has bothered to bring that up? I guess we are, once again, reverting to a patriarchal society where women have no rights or control over their body. We are becoming property, as we were once seen as before the days of womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s suffrage.

This Puritanean way of thinking is atrocious and degrading to all women, whether they are on birth control or not. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Slut-­shamingâ&#x20AC;? is no way to pass judgment on someone, particularly because, like most of the GOPâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s arguments, it is based in little to no fact. It is a scare tactic to embarrass a young, ambitious woman like Sandra Fluke â&#x20AC;&#x201D; in addition to the millions of girls and women she represents.

During this drawn-­out debate, many have voiced their opinions against the birth control mandate.

Reasons have not been concrete, with many individuals resorting to doing nothing more then making degrading comments toward women who take birth control, or toward WKRVH ZKR DGYRFDWH LWV EHQHĂ&#x20AC;WV The most conservative right-­wingers would like everyone to believe that all women who have sex are sluts, and that birth control is unacceptable because a child is seen as punishment for the â&#x20AC;&#x153;sin.â&#x20AC;? What many of them fail to realize is that we are not advocating its use to be a culture of free love. We just want control over our bodies and what goes in â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and grows â&#x20AC;&#x201D; in them. It is not a battle cry for polygamy, but rather a cry of help for those in need, those who the real â&#x20AC;&#x153;warâ&#x20AC;? is being fought against. ___________________________________ Rachel Maus is a freshman cinema and photography major who thinks our country has bigger things to deal with. Email her at rmaus1@ithaca. edu.

Planned Parenthood Funding In 1970 Planned Parenthood began to receive federal funding with the singing of the Family Planning Services and Population Research Act by President Richard Nixon. A title in the law provides funding for all family planning services, which includes contraception.

By law, the funding cannot be used for abortions, however.

According to their 2009-2010 annual report, the following is a breakdown of their services:

38%

STI/STD testing and treatment

35.5%

Contraception

14.5% 10.4%

Cancer and screening prevention Other womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s health services

3% 0.6%

Abortion services Other services In 2010, Planned Parenthood provided

2,219,726 women with reversible contraception.

They also provided

1,461,816 emergency contraception kits.

In comparison, there were

329,445 abortion procedures

performed by Planned Parenthood in the same year.

While the organizationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s services are mostly comprised of contraception and STI/STD testing services, â&#x20AC;&#x153;parenthoodâ&#x20AC;? is in the name and does play a role in the organizationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s provided services.

Some services Planned Parenthood provides donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make the media spotlight. For instance, they assist families with WIC â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a federally funded nutrition program for low-income families.

Counseling services are also provided, as well as adoption referrals.

- Kacey Deamer

9

News & Views

FRQWURO LQ WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW SODFH ,Q WKH February 22 GOP debate, John King asked him about his view on the â&#x20AC;&#x153;danger of birth control,â&#x20AC;? to which he responded that the danger was the increasing number of children being born out of wedlock. My follow up question to that is: How is using preventative measures creating children? The point is to prevent that from happening.

6DQWRUXP¡V VWDWHPHQWV UHĂ HFW WKH ignorance of these middle-­aged male politicans when it comes to womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s issues. There is no way Santorum or any other candidate is going to stop people from having premarital sex.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just not going to happen. We live in a world where sex, and even teen SUHJQDQF\ LV JODPRUL]HG LQ Ă&#x20AC;OP DQG on television shows and has been for quite some time. Sex is becoming less taboo, and it needs to be talked about.

So, instead of simply saying that girls should â&#x20AC;&#x153;hold an aspirin between their kneesâ&#x20AC;? to prevent pregnancy, as Santorum enthusiast Foster Friess so eloquently put, perhaps itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to stop this war on contraception and for women to start teaching teenagers that while abstinence is the only guarantee, there are a variety of other measures that can be taken to be safe when it comes to sex.

Conservative radio personality Rush Limbaugh sparked enormous Ă&#x20AC;UH ODVW PRQWK ZKHQ KH PDGH demeaning and offensive comments about Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke, one of the few females who has been vocal about the bill on a national level. Limbaugh claimed Fluke was a â&#x20AC;&#x153;slutâ&#x20AC;? who wants to be â&#x20AC;&#x153;paid to have sex.â&#x20AC;? These comments were meant to imply that a woman who is on birth control is a dirty whore â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or, since we have clearly gone back to the most archaic reasoning, perhaps the better word to use would be â&#x20AC;&#x153;harlot.â&#x20AC;?

We better start mass-­producing iron-­on scarlet Aâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s because, according to the Planned Parenting website, an estimated 99 percent of women in America have used contraception. And if women account for 50.8 percent of the population in this country (according to the 2010 Census), that means about half the people in America, according

Buzzsaw Takes A Bite... ...of Ithacaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s southwestern options

By Kait Hulbert

Moeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Moeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Southwest Grill is perhaps one of the few places on the planet where â&#x20AC;&#x153;cheeseâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;quesoâ&#x20AC;? are two distinct entities. The fran-­ chiseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Ithaca location is on Route 13. Until recently, it was the only national south-­ western franchise in Ithaca, and though its status as â&#x20AC;&#x153;onlyâ&#x20AC;? secured it top-­ranking on a technicality, its food lived up to the hype. Admit-­ tedly, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a nuisance to have to translate â&#x20AC;&#x153;burrito without guacamoleâ&#x20AC;? into â&#x20AC;&#x153;Joey Bag of Donuts,â&#x20AC;? and their salsa and chips may not qualify as works of culinary art, but they do have queso. The melted-­cheese concoction is one of the dozen or so offered EXUULWR Ă&#x20AC;OOLQJV DYDLODEOH along with numerous others.

Though delicious and all natural, the food shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t necessarily be equated with â&#x20AC;&#x153;healthy.â&#x20AC;? Fun fact:

One side of their all-­ natural, hormone-­free queso comes in at 150 calories and 25 percent of the average personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s daily recommended dose of sodium. Most prefer the queso as dip to ac-­ company their chips, but I happen to think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s best mixed into a chicken rice bowl. Also excellent are â&#x20AC;&#x201D; when available â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the taco stacks. And the very best part of Moeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s is Moeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Monday, when from 11a.m. until clos-­ ing you can get any en-­ trĂŠe, queso and drink for $5.40.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s potential to cause heart disease is going to cost it a star, but letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s be real: Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m giving it four out RI Ă&#x20AC;YH VWDUV DQG KRSLQJ the words â&#x20AC;&#x153;Welcome to Moes!â&#x20AC;? are the next three I hear.

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

Chipotle As the newest addition to the corporation conglomer-­ ation that is Meadow Street, Chipotle and Ithaca are still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. Opening weekend, it took upwards of an hour to get a burrito.

Every seat was always full.

Half of Ithaca is still un-­ der Chipotleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hype-­driven spell. But if weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re being honest, Chipotle is a little overrated.

It seems to have em-­ braced simplicity, offer-­ ing only burritos, burrito bowls and tacos â&#x20AC;&#x201D; by those names â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and allowing cus-­ tomers to customize as they SOHDVH 3RWHQWLDO Ă&#x20AC;OOLQJV include their admittedly incredible corn salsa and guacamole, the generic rice-­ beans-­cheese-­sour cream mix and one of their four

10

meat options. Everything offered by Chipotle meets its promise of providing â&#x20AC;&#x153;food with integrity.â&#x20AC;? The vegetables are sustain-­ ably grown, and accord-­ ing to Chipotleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s website, meat is only purchased from farmers with a his-­ tory of â&#x20AC;&#x153;treating animals with dignity,â&#x20AC;? and treat-­ ing their employees with respect.

But at the end of the day, Chipotleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s actual product seems to be a love-­it or hate-­it type of deal. Their meat is heav-­ ily spiced, their chips arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t free and thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a notable lack of queso among the assemblage of EXUULWR Ă&#x20AC;OOLQJV For that, Chipotle, I award you two stars and a pat on the back.

Viva Cantina Drive straight down Dan-­ by and you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t miss Viva.

In fact, if you somehow for-­ get to turn at the South Au-­ rora/State Street intersec-­ tion, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll hit it. Unlike its big business counterparts, Viva is a uniquely Ithacan local, opened in 1995 and a staple of the Commons.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s eat-­in-­menu is de-­ cent. Like Chipotle and Moes (and most places in Ithaca) Viva prides itself on its fresh, natural ingredi-­ ents and premium Califor-­ nia style Mexican food. Its food is good, in a natural, IUHVK ZD\ WKDW¡V VLJQLĂ&#x20AC;FDQW-­ ly different from the type of food produced by a Moes or Chipotle franchise. Again, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no queso; the full-­ service Cantina does serve burritos, tacos, quesadillas, fajitas and enchiladas. It also hosts a full service bar

stocked with premium te-­ quila and margaritas.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s local, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s good food and the ingre-­ dients are produced with a commitment to fresh-­ ness in mind. If Vivaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s establishment started and ended with the food at the Cantina, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be able to hand it three stars as I ordered a Fajita Burrito.

Unfortunately, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not the case â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and money matters. Unlike Moes â&#x20AC;&#x201D; where chips and salsa are provided at no extra charge â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Viva charges for chips. (Chipotle charges too, but at a fraction of the cost.) In comparison, entrees are also a little on the pricey side, and since you can hardly separate the meal from the check, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll give Viva 2.5 stars and a 15 percent tip.

Garciaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve may never have heard of Garciaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s: the small, nearly-­authentic Mexican restaurant sits right behind the Burger King on Elmira Rd. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s quaintly decorated, offering a mix of southwest-­ ern and living room fur-­ nishings, and it legitimately is home to some of the best Mexican food in Ithaca.

Though not completely authentic, Garciaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s menu is a bit more cultured than Moeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s or Viva. They offer a mix of lesser-­known and common Mexican appetiz-­ ers, desserts and entrees â&#x20AC;&#x201D; including chimichangas, EXUULWRV DQG FKHHVH Ă XWDV (In case you didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know, a Ă DXWD LV D WDTXLWR DQG DW Garciaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s they come smoth-­ ered in queso.)

Not all the menu offerings were entirely understand-­ able, and the wait staff is more than understanding

and willing to describe different foods and offer recommendations.

The service was fast, the pric-­ es were decent and like Moes, chips and salsa were provided for free.

Unlike Moeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s (and Chipotle and Viva), how-­ ever, nowhere in the res-­ taurant was there a men-­ tion of organic produce, fresh ingredients or â&#x20AC;&#x153;food integrity,â&#x20AC;? nor was there an emphasis on vegan or even vegetarian options.

In a town like Ithaca that could be a major turn off, but it hardly diminishes the quality of their food.

Of the four restaurants reviewed, Garciaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s was by far my favorite.

I happily award it 4.5 starts, and just for refer-­ ence, we left the waiter a 20 percent tip.

Upfront

UPFRONT. UPFRONT. UPFRONT

11

Not-So-Natural Selection

Is there a modern-day eugenics movement?

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

12

A n K ieu e b y ag

ing whether to have a child based on its eye color,” while prenatal testing is about allowing pregnant women to “understand what their options are” and to “make informed deci-­ sions.”

Whether a person believes the abortion of children with Down syndrome or disabilities to be an offshoot of eugenics often depends upon that person’s view of abortion and whether they believe the proce-­ dure is morally permissible under such circumstances.

Meanwhile, philosophers such as Peter Singer are also commonly linked to the eugenics movement.

Singer theorizes in his book Practi-­ cal Ethics that the parents of babies born with disabilities should be al-­ lowed to legally choose whether the child lives or dies. He reasons that by euthanizing a disabled infant, the parents will prevent the further suffering of that child and increase the overall happiness of the family.

This will also give parents the op-­ portunity to have more children in order to effectively replace the dis-­ abled child. Though his statements are unacceptable to contemporary society and unlikely to become a common policy, members of the dis-­ abled community and their allies have made an effort to vocally op-­ pose Singer’s philosophy.

Diane Coleman, the president and CEO of Not Dead Yet, believes that the views of Peter Singer “draw a comparison to the eugenics move-­ ment.”

The organization Not Dead Yet op-­ poses euthanasia, supports disabil-­ ity rights, and takes a strong stance against Singer’s beliefs. The group organized protests when Singer was hired as a professor at Princeton University.

“His overarching theme has a big effect on people who are brain in-­ jured or have intellectual disabilities or have dementia, Alzheimer’s and such. He would draw a line some-­ where and say people below this line of mental ability are not persons under the law. They would not be entitled to the equal protection of

Im

T

he concept of eugenics, the science of improving the genes of a population, of-­ ten seems like a relic from a his-­ tory book. Before the start of World War II, discussions of eugenics were prevalent in America. Begin-­ ning with Indiana in 1907, many states enacted compulsory steriliza-­ tion laws that targeted people with mental illness with the purpose of decreasing the amount of children born with such conditions. State fairs held “Better Baby Contests” which ranked children based on their genetic superiority, health and race.

The topic of eugenics lost popular-­ ity and public approval in the Unit-­ ed States after World War II when the word became linked to the Na-­ zis and their attempts to engineer a superior race. The Nazis practiced eugenics by encouraging people with “desirable” traits to reproduce, while preventing people with “un-­ desirable” traits from reproducing through their policies of mass mur-­ der.

Yet one cannot help but wonder whether the movement has truly faded out. In the 1970s, many poor Native American women were steril-­ ized, often against their will, by the American government in an attempt to decrease the amount of children born in poverty.

Today when reports assert that around 90 percent of pregnant wom-­ en whose fetuses are diagnosed with Down syndrome opt for an abortion, it brings up the question of whether we are still selecting infants for their genetic traits.

In October 2011, the company Sequenom developed new prenatal procedures that allow a woman to know whether her baby will have Down syndrome after only ten weeks of pregnancy. Nationwide implemen-­ tation could increase the amount of women who decide to abort a child on the basis of Down syndrome or another disability.

Yet Dr. Mark Evans, who special-­ izes in prenatal testing, explains that eugenics is more about “decid-­

h

By Jennifer Pike

the law,” explains Coleman.

Francesca Minerva, another phi-­ losopher, has been similarly criti-­ cized for her article “After-­Birth Abortion: Why Should the Baby Live?” co-­written with philosopher Alberto Giubilini in the Journal of Medical Ethics. The article argues that after-­birth abortions and pre-­ birth abortions are theoretically similar. As a result of the article, Minerva has received death threats, though she has stated numerous times that the position is purely a philosophical argument and that she would oppose the position in terms of actual policy. $PHULFDQV DUH VWLOO FRQÁLFWHG RYHU the ethics of abortion, so controver-­ sial theories of Singer and Minerva are unlikely to be considered in terms of actual laws anytime in the near future.

Ultimately, people must question whether allowing parents to select children on the basis of their abili-­ ties or lack of disabilities would tru-­ ly create a better society or human race, or if a less diverse human race becomes impoverished from the loss of unique perspectives. ___________________________________ Jennifer Pike is a freshman writing major who is down with Darwin.

Email her jpike1@ithaca.edu.

An Independent Existence Stories of life off the grid

By Marissa Framarini

W

RXW DQ RIĂ&#x20AC;FH MRE DW $SSOH RQ &RFRD The treehouse was more of his spot, something to identify with. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I built 90 percent of the treehouse myself,â&#x20AC;? Dunn said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It really was my own place. It was kind of my own identity, my own thing.â&#x20AC;?

Weston eventually became unhappy with the low-­income lifestyle he was living in London and nostalgic for the simplicity of his childhood. He returned to the countryside to live in D VHOI VXIĂ&#x20AC;FLHQW PDQQHU â&#x20AC;&#x153;The treehouse was the catalyst I needed to change my life and put it back on track and in the direction I wanted to be going,â&#x20AC;? Weston said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think the reason going off-­grid is so appealing is because it is a metaphor for all the things you could want in life: Being your own person, not having to answer to anyone else and being responsible for your own future.â&#x20AC;?

While living off-­grid is supposed to EH D OLIH RI VLPSOLFLW\ LW LV GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW WR pull off in the modern world.

The Kuncaitis family reexamined their lifestyle after a member of the family got severely sick last year. In January they invested in a washer, dryer, three outlets, a lamp and an indoor toilet.

Dunn, on the other hand, said that he never saw living in the treehouse as a permanent residential option.

Factors like the location of his job and desire to maintain an electrical car prevented Dunn from seeing off-­grid living as the best choice for him. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s possible to break off the JULG FRPSOHWHO\ EXW LW¡V YHU\ GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW Âľ Dunn said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You have to make some choices. You have to give up some things.â&#x20AC;?

Beyond maintaining a lifestyle of off-­grid living, Kuncaitis said the UHDO GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW\ LV EUHDNLQJ RII IURP mainstream ideals and pursuing the lifestyle you want. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Everyone is looking for the utopia,â&#x20AC;?

Kuncaitis said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;People are sick of the rat race. People want liberation but they just donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know where to start and how to get off the hamster wheel.â&#x20AC;? ____________________________________ Marissa Framarini is a freshman journalism major who wants to drop out and live in a treehouse. Email her mframar1@ithaca.edu.

Upfront

said there was â&#x20AC;&#x153;frictionâ&#x20AC;? between her viewpoint and the structure of society, which often places an emphasis on personal appearance â&#x20AC;&#x201D; something that wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t as much of a priority for her. Kunicaitis also longed to have a stronger relationship with her children and husband. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The decision to go off-­grid was about me and how I wanted to live my life,â&#x20AC;? Kuncaitis said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I had to get out of the box.â&#x20AC;?

Living off-­ grid allowed Kuncaitis to explore the way they truly wanted to raise their family.

The family does chores and daily farm tasks together, and at night they crowd around a single bright light in the kitchen to recap the dayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s events.

Kunicaitis said that the farm provided the family with a community, as they were exempt from most societal pressures often present in mainstream society. She said prior to moving to the farm, her children were pressured to conform to societyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s standards for appearance, but with their arrival in the countryside they tossed away the make-­up and just ran freely outside. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was a beginning for us, it was freedom and it was so beautiful,â&#x20AC;?

Kuncaitis said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I just knew that this is who I was and how I wanted to raise my family.â&#x20AC;?

Beyond just the search for liberation, living off-­grid becomes a search for oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s identity. Corbin Dunnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s decision to live off-­grid in D WUHH KRXVH IRU Ă&#x20AC;YH \HDUV LQ 6DQWD Cruz, California was more about feeding his desire to be surrounded by nature than to escape society. For the duration of the adventure, Dunn had the treehouse wired with some electricity and water, and even sought Image by Georgie Morley

ith an increased and ever-­growing demand for technology, it may seem nearly impossible to log off Facebook or go without electricity. However, thousands of Americans each year are choosing to â&#x20AC;&#x153;unplugâ&#x20AC;? in favor of a simplistic life, living off the land.

The concept of living off the grid, or in other words, independence from one or more public utilities, has jumped into national prominence over the last few years.

Nick Rosen, author of Off the Grid: Inside the Movement for More Space, Less Government and True Independence in Modern America estimated in a 2010 article for USA Today that about 750,000 U.S. households were living off the grid, with an expected increase of 10 percent each year.

Amid soaring electricity prices and high unemployment rates, individuals are looking for ways to cut down on expenses. Since energy in off-­the-­grid housing is primarily based off solar panels and other environmental-­ friendly energy sources, electricity bills become a thing of the past.

Nick Weston, author of The Treehouse Diaries, which tells the story of the six months he spent in the woods of southern England living RII JULG LQ D WUHH KRXVH VDLG Ă&#x20AC;QDQFHV were the main reason he started the project. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Why did I have to spend so much money on bills, rent and other pointless things I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need, when nature has been the ultimate provider for thousands of years?â&#x20AC;? Weston said in an email.

For the Kuncaitis family, the pressures of everyday life contributed to their decision to move to the countryside, to an Amish farm in western Michigan. Angela Kuncaitis

13

The Doctor Is In

How Ron Paul would change America

By Kyle Robertson

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

T

he 2012 election is in want or do what they want. The only full swing, but for many criminal acts in a libertarian society $PHULFDQV WKH ÀHOG RI are those that are harmful to the potential presidential candidates rights of others. Therefore seems decidedly lacking. On controversial social one side, an exhausted and issues like prostitution, cynical President Obama drug use and abortion draws criticism from liberals would be absolutely and conservatives alike, unregulated. while in the Republican While Ron Paul camp the sheer volume of does stand by candidates, none of whom libertarianism in succeed in inspiring party most aspects, he members, is dividing the departs in a few GOP. Neither seem to have situations for a satisfactory solutions for more traditional the problems facing our Republican stance. nation.

His campaign website Enter Ron Paul: a former states he is against small-­town Texas baby doctor, abortion, and he defers and now U.S. senator, currently from the libertarian idea of in the running for the Republican unregulated immigration presidential nomination. Despite by saying he would tighten promising showings in several border security and put swing states, most political an end to programs RIÀFLDOV DQG PDLQVWUHDP PHGLD that provide amnesty to anchors are quick to dismiss illegal immigrants.

Paul as an outlier or a non-­ Image by Nathan Krauss Carla Howell, competitor, his stabs at the executive director of the policies of both his own party and Libertarian Party of America, the Democratic administration often said her party seeks to provide regarded as just more outburst from an alternative to the Democratic/ “crazy uncle Ron.” Republican system that has failed So what does Ron Paul believe?

America for too long.

This itself seems to be a question When asked to describe the ideal ZLWK YDULRXV DQVZHUV +XIÀQJWRQ libertarian society, Howell said a Post columnist Joel Sucher suggests perfect world is never a possibility anarchy, pointing out that Paul but that in order to maintain supports drastically downsizing personal freedom it is imperative that the role and power of government government be downsized. in people’s lives. The New Yorker “Our mission is to shrink the size labels him a “party crasher” for his of government and reduce waste and apparent distaste for the platforms bureaucracy; more freedom means of Democrats and Republicans alike. less government,” she said. “The The Washington Post’s Chris Cillizza best we can hope for is maximum even called Paul “the most dangerous freedom with minimum government, man in the Republican party” for the as a small government protects lives, way his rise seems to be splintering liberty and property.” the GOP. Howell also said Paul’s growing Simply put, Paul believes in support is likely due to the spreading libertarianism.

According to the of the libertarian message through RIÀFLDO ZHEVLWH RI WKH /LEHUWDULDQ dissatisfaction with the status quo.

Party of America, the basic tenant of “His views and agenda make him this political philosophy is personal essentially Libertarian,” she said. freedom: Everyone should have the “More young people are learning right to live however they choose and about our economic and social do whatever they want to, as long policies and he is a respectable leader as these pursuits do not infringe on people can rally behind.” the rights of others to live how they Ithaca College junior Molly Petrie

14

said she supports Ron Paul because of his message of government VLPSOLÀFDWLRQ DQG SRZHU WR WKH SHRSOH “A lot of the problems in this country stem from people investing too much power in the government and having no idea of how to use the rights they are given in a democracy,” she said. “By consolidating authority in the states it would be much easier to speak up and instigate change as a citizen.”

Petrie also said she admires Paul’s honesty on his opinions and dedication to his ambitions.

“I don’t agree with him on every policy but his political philosophy gives me hope that there is a way out of this mess after all,” she said.

Others feel Paul’s ideas may be key to resolving America’s current economic crisis. Nationally recognized libertarian politician and former Libertarian vice-­presidential nominee Wayne Allyn Root said the candidate’s SODQ WR UHVWRUH WKH QDWLRQ·V ÀQDQFLDO standing depends on reducing the role of government.

“The world is on the edge of a cliff,” he said. “Our economy, jobs, and our children’s future hang in the balance and it’s all caused by too much spending, too much debt and too much government intervention.

Despite this, Root said Paul’s message needs to be relaxed on certain issues to make his platform palatable to most Americans.

“Ron Paul does not have enough support to change a thing. He will not get elected,” he said. “You have to moderate the message so you don’t frighten suburban mothers and grandmothers, the independent voters. That’s the position that wins elections, and I wish Ron Paul had realized that.”

Perhaps not all Americans are ready for Ron Paul’s brand of revolution.

But with the grassroots strategy and enthusiastic supporters he has mobilized this election season, Paul has assured that traditional party leaders will no longer be able to ignore his voice. ____________________________________ Kyle Robertson is a sophomore journalism major who believes in

Two Parties, Two Perspectives

Ithaca College political student groups share their vision statements

I

n our ideal world, we must work together. In a utopian, democratic society, Americans realize that ZH PXVW EH VHOI VXIĂ&#x20AC;FLHQW EXW ZH must also rise and fall as one nation.

In the words of Barack Obama, it is a fundamental belief that â&#x20AC;&#x153;I am my brotherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s keeperâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;I am my sisterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s keeper.â&#x20AC;? Each member of the community has a role to play, and our diversity of strengths makes our country stronger.

In a democratic utopia, there is equal opportunity. Regardless of gender, socio-­economic status, nationality, or sexual orientation, all citizens have the chance to learn, conduct business and pursue individual aspirations.

As Americans, we have the chance to make our lives what we will.

To facilitate equality of opportunity, our country is built on hard work and responsibility, not excessive greed. In our ideal world, we help the excluded and disenfranchised so every citizen has the same chance to strengthen our country and live happily. Our citizens will be physically able

I

Images by Adam Polaski

physiological needs. If these were the sole two tasks of the federal government, and if they were funded DQG FRQGXFWHG HIĂ&#x20AC;FLHQWO\ WKH UHVW would be left up to the various states and to each individual. Restricted immigration would be handled on a smaller scale by the states, and it would be faster and easier for people who desired it to have access to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness through citizenship.

The economy would be a perfect free market and anybody with motivation and dedication would have ample opportunity to be economically VXFFHVVIXO 7KH RIĂ&#x20AC;FLDOV ZKR ZH FKRRVH would be honest and only serve our best interests. In a perfect world, civil rights would be implicit and people would be able to love who they want to and share the culture they inherit without biases or discrimination.

The term â&#x20AC;&#x153;Republicanâ&#x20AC;? has a negative connotation at Ithaca College and in many other places in the country. The thing is â&#x20AC;&#x201D; there is no Republican who wishes to deny anybody of their natural born rights.

We wholly trust that our Constitution

If you would like to learn more about the Democratic Party and how you can help make this utopia a reality, join the Ithaca College Democrats for debate, conversation, and education every Thursday at 7:30 p.m. in the Cayuga Lake room. With guest speakers from the local political community, campaign training, and collaborative discussion, we invite all students of the IC community to add to the conversation.

gives more than it takes away, and we need only to follow our forefathersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; composition in order to live freely and safely among each other. In our ideal society, everyone around the world would have access to these rights if they followed a few rules, which only exist to make the country run more systematically.

With only these few rules in place, much more freedom is given to citizens of different ethnicities, cultures and political stances to live the lifestyle they choose. With too much regulation in place, everyone is forced to live a certain way. People constantly search for a simpler life.

What is simpler than the freedom of being in control of yourself that has been won, fought for and preserved for over a century?

-­ Jason Emry & Stephanie Czajkowski IC Republicans meets Tuesday nights at 8 p.m. in Friends 302. If you are curious about politics, our individual opinions, or wish to voice yours, stop by a meeting. New members are always welcome.

15

Upfront

n a perfect world, people have the right to do whatever they want, and it would simply work out. A common belief among the Ithaca College Republicans is that the Constitution written by our IRUHIDWKHUV SURYLGHV D VXIĂ&#x20AC;FLHQW structure to that freedom while simultaneously protecting us from inherent evils.

If our nation had continued to follow that framework, the government would solely manage our military and international trade. These are both seemingly basic commodities directly connect to our innate desire for safety a n d

to pursue their desires because health care is readily available to all Americans. Supporting our health with clean-­energy technologies, we drink unpolluted water and breath fresh air.

Our military is prepared to defend our borders and we are ready to support allies. We accept and celebrate that our country is made up of immigrants from all over the world. According to Democrats. org, we will bring â&#x20AC;&#x153;11 million undocumented immigrants out of the shadows and create a legal, fair and economically viable system that holds both immigrants and employers DFFRXQWDEOH DQG Ă&#x20AC;QDOO\ WR HQVXUH WKDW our borders are safe.â&#x20AC;? And with this viable system that welcomes diverse peoples into our country, we will have a fair voting system that gives every citizen a voice.

But this is fantasy, and as supporters of the Democratic Party, we are hopeful, while knowing there is still work to be done.

-­ Jennifer Barish

The Intentional Tent City How residents of The Jungle create their own community

By TinaMarie Craven

I

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been a source of recent controversy for the city of Ithaca: the question of what to do with The Jungle, the name for the place where the cityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s homeless and not-­so-­ homeless have found sanctuary for the past 70 years.

If you walk along the rusted railroad ties, you can see the snatches of color from the Jungle residentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; tents among the barren trees. A small dog is tied to the side of a wooden doghouse with a chain, and smoke rises in the DLU IURP D VPDOO Ă&#x20AC;UH SLW E\ WKH VLGH RI the river.

Rick Sherman has been living in DQG RXW RI 7KH -XQJOH IRU WKH SDVW Ă&#x20AC;YH years. He says he has a house but that he prefers the solitude and the peace that the Jungle provides for its residents. He refers to his tent as his â&#x20AC;&#x153;man caveâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the place he likes to go to get away from the world.

Sherman is currently one of the few remaining residents of The Jungle, most of whom have cleared out for the winter season but will be back in the spring.

Sherman said he spends his time going over to the Friendship Center to get the day-­old bread, which he feeds to the ducks that he refers to as his â&#x20AC;&#x153;childrenâ&#x20AC;? in the river.

He lives in his tent with his cat Slinkers and Slinkersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; kitten, September, who Sherman named in memory of his mother, who died this past

Image By Kennis Ku

16

September.

Sherman said he is fond of gospel music, pulling out a Chip Ingrim CD as he talked about his favorite music genres. He also listens to country music and various selections of rock nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; roll. Sometimes he even calls in the local radio station on his cell phone to make a song request. Others in The Jungle blast classic 80s hair bands from their respective radios and their tents.

Several of the Jungle citizens have prepaid cellphones that they use to keep in contact with their families and the world outside of The Jungle.

One resident, Dee, said she technically has a home but prefers to live in The Jungle because she feels safer here than in her home. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I live in a crack house,â&#x20AC;? Dee said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d rather be here than there.â&#x20AC;?

Cleveland Meyers came to The Jungle more reluctantly than some of the communityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s other inhabitants â&#x20AC;&#x201D; after he had been evicted from his home. He stressed that he was homeless and that while he appreciated the help and support from his Jungle family, he is looking forward to moving into the new apartment he found.

Dan* said he lives in The Jungle by choice because the rent in Ithaca is too high. â&#x20AC;&#x153;After paying the rent and buying a couple beers and packs of cigarettes, t h e r e â&#x20AC;&#x2122; s nothing left,â&#x20AC;? Dan said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The rent is too high, a n d when you Ă&#x20AC;QG D SODFH itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nowhere, and if you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t drive or canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t drive, you have to depend on the bus schedule,â&#x20AC;?

Meyers said.

He went on to voice his grievances about the affordable housing being too isolated and how frustrating it is to have to depend on the busses to get you where you need to be.

The Jungle residents are not completely lacking when it comes to Ă&#x20AC;QDQFHV VHYHUDO RI WKHP KDYH MREV DQG WKH\ DOO Ă&#x20AC;QG D ZD\ WR OHJDOO\ PDNH money.

Sherman makes his living through â&#x20AC;&#x153;cleaning upâ&#x20AC;? The Jungle and through KLV ´Ă&#x20AC;VKLQJ WULSVÂľ LQ WKH ULYHU +H KDV found old bikes, propane containers and other odds and ends, as well as the recyclables he collects and returns everyday to make his living. â&#x20AC;&#x153;See that pile over there? Twenty dollars! And that one over there?

Thirty dollars! Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s everywhere â&#x20AC;&#x201D; you just have to look for it,â&#x20AC;? Sherman said as he pointed to multiple piles of collected recyclables.

Sherman refuses to take handouts from people when they come with gifts or charity from one of the local churches. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I have to work for it. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want handouts,â&#x20AC;? Sherman said.

They live off of the land, but they do what they can to respect it; they keep the area clean, and even though they could chop down trees in the area, they choose not to because they want to preserve the natural surroundings.

Many of the Jungle members have WKHLU WHQWV Ă&#x20AC;WWHG ZLWK SURSDQH KHDWHUV to keep themselves warm during the colder seasons.

Living in The Jungle is all about learning how to get by and how to survive with what you can, although the residents do stress the importance of socks and long johns if you decide to try out the Jungle life. *** Meyers said he fell into a depressed VWDWH ZKHQ KH Ă&#x20AC;UVW FDPH WR 7KH -XQJOH after being evicted from his home. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard,â&#x20AC;? Meyers said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;All of my things were put in storage. I came here with nothing.â&#x20AC;?

Meyers said when he came to The Jungle he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to be there and that he felt trapped.

Dan agreed with Meyers and said to live in The Jungle, you need to have an escape. Dan said his job provides him with that escape; it prevents him from feeling too isolated from the rest of society. However, he said not everyone living in The Jungle is

depressed.

“I know there’s hope down here,” Dan said.

The Jungle community has its own methods of therapy. Meyers said that the best way to deal with the depression is to talk about what you’re feeling with others in the Jungle family.

“We try to encourage people to talk about their problems,” Meyers said.

Meyers described his depression as overwhelming, attributing his healthier mental state to his friends in The Jungle and his excitement about moving to a new home.

Depression is a problem that many of the Jungle residents deal with.

Several residents have turned to suicide.

“We’ve lost a lot of family down here,” Dan said.

The depression in The Jungle is partially caused by the isolation that many residents feel from the rest of the world, from the living conditions and partially from their addictions.

While the residents of The Jungle work to keep the area clean, they also try to keep the people clean by prohibiting people with substance abuse addictions from The Jungle.

“No needles down here,” Dan said.

Alcohol and cigarettes are the only substances that the residents allow to be part of Jungle life. But that isn’t to say that the Jungle community is without its addictions.

“I’ll be honest with you,” Dan said.

“I’m an alcoholic.”

Other residents said they turned there originally because their alcoholic status prevented them from being accepted into a homeless shelter.

Upfront

*** The Jungle might not have televisions, but it certainly does have a radio connection, which serves as one of the primary news sources for the community members. They joked about the GOP candidates, discussing which ones they weren’t fond of (like Mitt Romney), while they praised President Obama. Meyers jumped to defend Obama from the Republican FULWLTXHV RI 2EDPD·V ÀUVW WHUP “Leave him alone,” Meyers said.

“He’s doing all right.”

When asked about local politics, Sherman said he was fond of Svante Myrick and had been opposed to the previous mayor. ´, KRSH SHRSOH ÀOO WKH SRWKROHV DQG the city drain and leave us alone,”

Sherman said.

The residents admit that they don’t have the fondest views of society because of how they feel society views them.

“We’re not part of their system … we don’t like to be judged,” Meyers said.

“We are who we are.”

As the society discussion continues, the expressions on the Jungle dwellers’ faces falter as they talk about how they think society sees them. They said they believe that society doesn’t view them in a positive light because they live a very different lifestyle from it.

“It’s a different life; you can enjoy it or hate it,” Dan said.

The Jungle citizens joked about what their utopias were: There was a general consensus on a warm climate and a few votes for the Mediterranean (even the luxurious Ritz hotel), but some of the residents showed how much they truly loved living in The Jungle through their answers.

Dan waited for the others to quiet down about the Mediterranean before he said what his true utopia was. He described a two-­story log cabin in the woods and said that it would have indoor plumbing, and that he would be isolated in the woods so he could be surrounded by nature.

Other residents agreed with Dan’s paradise. All of them praised him for thinking about indoor plumbing, an amenity the Jungle residents don’t have the luxury of in their tents. For their hygienic needs, such as showering, they depend on the Friendship Center, a local shelter, or the kindness of friends willing to extend the hospitality of their bathrooms.

Sherman said he keeps coming back to The Jungle even though he has a home and a family because he likes the natural atmosphere of it.

“Every morning, I love waking up to the squirrels chuckling at me, and I love cleaning here everyday,” Sherman said. “I claim The Jungle everyday. It’s not fun down here, but it’s not bad.” * Some names have been changed at the request of the source. _________________________________________

TinaMarie Craven is a freshman journalism and politics double major who loves playing with squirrels.

Email her at tcraven1@ithaca.edu.

17

Shop â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Til You Drop

How our â&#x20AC;&#x153;perfect worldâ&#x20AC;? of consumerism is damaging our livelihoods

By Sydney Fusto

T

Image by Georgie Morley

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

he United States is one of the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s leaders in global consumption.

Currently, there are over 300 million people in the United States, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Each person is a walking vessel of consumption.

We consume massive quantities of goods every single day. Everywhere we turn, we are bombarded by advertisements.

Whether itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ZDWFKLQJ WHOHYLVLRQ Ă LSSLQJ WKURXJK a magazine, or even waiting at a bus stop, we are trapped in an inescapable prison of consumerist propaganda. But besides the obvious toll on our wallets, just how much of a price are we really paying to keep up in our material world?

The amount of products available to us is seemingly unlimited, and companies spend millions of dollars each year on advertisements directed toward children.

Kids absorb everything like sponges, so if the consumerism ideal is embedded into their conscious deep enough when they are young, they can continue to grow and buy with the mentality of super consumers. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We are trained from a very young age to be super consumers,â&#x20AC;? James Rothenburg, an associate professor of sociology at Ithaca College, said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Advertising is

18

aimed at kids â&#x20AC;&#x201D; very young children â&#x20AC;&#x201D; partly to get them to go home and nag their parents to buy things, [and] partly to get them in the mindset that having things is going to make them happy.â&#x20AC;?

Instead of achieving our own sense of well being, we have become completely dependent on products IRU WKH IXOĂ&#x20AC;OOPHQW RI RXU RZQ happiness. From our childhoods, we allow ourselves to only strive for and DFKLHYH LQVWDQW JUDWLĂ&#x20AC;FDWLRQ LQVWHDG of emphasizing hard work and discipline to reach stronger, more IXOĂ&#x20AC;OOLQJ JRDOV 'XH WR WKLV PHQWDOLW\ of â&#x20AC;&#x153;got to have it now,â&#x20AC;? people end up consuming things that they either donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need or are not good for them, Rothenburg said.

One of the main sources for LQVWDQW JUDWLĂ&#x20AC;FDWLRQ LV IRRG ,I \RX turn on the television or walk down an aisle in any supermarket, you are surrounded by advertisements and assortments of processed and packaged foods. According to Dr. David Ludwig in an article for CBS News Healthwatch, billions of dollars each year are spent on fast food advertising, especially those that cater to young children. If you look at most of these advertisements and packages, most of them are loud, bright and colorful to capture the attention of kids. Also in the article, Ludwig cited a study in the January 2009 issue of Pediatrics that found the amount of consumption of processed and fast food to have increased dramatically â&#x20AC;&#x201D; about Ă&#x20AC;YH WLPHV WKH DPRXQW since 1970.

Through our consumption of highly processed foods, we are witnessing a huge rise in childhood obesity, and diabetes and heart disease in older adults.

But besides the physical implications, excessive consumerism has also impacted us

mentally. â&#x20AC;&#x153;[Advertisements] play on the basic fundamentals of human needs: the need to be loved, and to belong, to be part of a community, to feel competent at things,â&#x20AC;? Rothenburg said.

But what kind of an impact does this materialistic mindset seem to be having on the consumerist public if our happiness and self-­worth only seem to be measured by how many things we buy? In his book Surviving Americaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Depression Epidemic: How to Find Morale, Energy, and Community in a World Gone Crazy, the clinical psychologist Bruce E. Levine compares the rise in depression among the American public to our excessive consuming of products -­â&#x20AC;&#x201D; especially technological products.

Levine writes: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Technology is all about control, and the more we Americans singularly worship technology, the more we singularly worship control ... Human beings pay a psychological price for any technology that controls them more than they control it; they can actually feel more powerless. And the feeling of powerlessness is highly associated with depression.â&#x20AC;?

Our materialism is rooted in shameless vanity; it creates a competitive desire for constant relevancy and superiority that keeps us coming out in droves to wait in Ă&#x20AC;YH KRXU OLQHV IRU WKH QHZHVW XSGDWH But in doing so, we are creating an atmosphere where our worth and standing in society is only based by how updated our iPad is.

We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t connect on the basic human levels anymore; we connect and bond through our purchases, creating an overall sense of VKDOORZQHVV DQG VXSHUĂ&#x20AC;FLDOLW\ Without those fundamental human connections, we quickly begin to shrivel. Our minds and our bodies are telling us something about this lifestyle. I think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time we started listening. ___________________________________ Sydney Fusto is a freshman journalism major whose life was the inspiration for Confessions of a Shopaholic.

Email her at sfusto1@ithaca.edu.

By the People, For the People Various visions of the Occupy movements

By Daisy Arriaga

I

Binghamton as a city,â&#x20AC;? Cemelli said.

Binghamton is a part of Broome County, which has been recovering IURP D à RRG WKDW DFFRUGLQJ WR WKH Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has set economic development back over 20 years. There is also a high unemployment and poverty rate as well as the Hydraulic Fracturing (Fracking) debate. The same mission of Occupy Wall Street moved into the city of Binghamton on Oct. 15. The movement is primarily for equality on all levels, but also on localized issues like fracking in the city of Binghamton. Occupy Binghamton succeeded in getting a two-­year ban on fracking in the city and have what is called Mic-­Checks at city council meetings. The group plans on continually shining light on the issues left in the dark and is currently working on hosting a showcase to present their protest artwork.

Mainstream media coverage has decreased since the major protests in New York City in late 2011, but the mission has not been completed. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Just because they may not be showing a dramatic raid of a camp every day doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mean that the Occupy movement is done,â&#x20AC;? Cemelli said.

There is still plenty for both Occupy Wall Street and localized movements to work on before making major changes, but the determination has not disappeared. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I gotta be honest with you, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re still going and I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t see us stopping anytime soon!â&#x20AC;? Meyering said. ____________________________________ Daisy Arriaga is a junior journalism major who dedicates this article to Abraham Lincoln. Email her at dar-­ riag1@ithaca.edu.

19

Upfront

rights for all people, rather than looking for individual SURĂ&#x20AC;W RU gain?â&#x20AC;?

Although supporters of the Occupy movement h a v e visions of what their ideal society is, they are also realistic as to how much of it, if any, is possible to achieve. â&#x20AC;&#x153;To focus on social justice, to end environmentally harmful practices and to love one another would take a huge change. The change would be so huge that Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be seen as a radical for even suggesting it,â&#x20AC;? Meyering said.

Buckley said she believes such a society is possible. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Such societies already exist, and have existed long before the United States and its current form of capitalism. Sometimes I think this will take at least 50 years,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Other times, like right now, after reading that the Lakota nation has cancelled all treaties and contracts with the USA and declared themselves sovereign, I think it is already happening.â&#x20AC;?

Occupy Wall Street has successfully publicized the issues in both New York Stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s government and across the country. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think the two main ways to look at it is looking at the problems that exist but also the world that we actually want to live in,â&#x20AC;? said Buckley. â&#x20AC;&#x153;[What was unique about the encampments of Occupy Wall Street] was that most of us wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really call it a protest because what it really was about was sort of trying to create this society that would get people thinking about how we might want to live... where it isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t about the competition of capitalism.â&#x20AC;?

Lauren Cemelli is another supporter for Occupy Binghamton. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Although we had complaints from some people that the camp was unsightly, I think that as much as we tried to make the place look nice it was important that the camp forced people to see everything that is unsightly in

Image by Darby Jones

W KDV EHHQ RYHU Ă&#x20AC;YH PRQWKV VLQFH Occupy Wall Street took action in downtown Manhattan and since then there have been localized Occupy movements all over the world.

However, there has not been a clear consensus as to what the movement is really about. It seems that its supporters know where they want to go, but have different ideas on how to get there.

Jillian Buckley of Occupy Wall Street said the protests are to inform both the citizens of the nation and those in economic power that capitalism isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t working, and there needs to be a representative democracy because as it stands now, there isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t one. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We hope that over the next 50 \HDUVÂŤZH FDQ Ă&#x20AC;JXUH RXW D ZD\ WKDW we would be able to do things that donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t lead to the kind of competition that capitalism has given us,â&#x20AC;? Buckely said.

Nico Meyering, current graduate student at the State University of New York at Binghamton University, is a supporter for Occupy Binghamton.

He does not agree with the strict structure of what it means to be an American, which is why he joined the movement. â&#x20AC;&#x153;My ideal society is one where corporations are not people, anybody can get married regardless of ethnicity or sexuality, higher learning is affordable for everyone, defense spending is cut in half, more money is allotted to programs that reduce poverty and hunger, abortion is safe and legal for both practitioner and patient, and humans put less strain on the Earth,â&#x20AC;? Meyering said.

Fairness in every possible way, economically, socially and so forth, is the umbrella mission for Occupy movements all over the world. Goals include being able to own a home, landing employment and even gaining an education without as much debt as many students are in today. Buckley agrees with this concept of fairness. â&#x20AC;&#x153;My ideal society would be one in which housing, fresh and healthy food, healthcare, education and community support and services are understood to be rights and not privileges given monetary value,â&#x20AC;? Buckley said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Decisions would be evaluated with criteria that asks, does this produce a balanced society and maintain the

Currency of Smiles

Bhutanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gross national happiness: idealistic or realistic?

By Nicole Arocho HernĂĄndez

20

Studies, a Bhutan-­ g o v e r n m e n t research institute that developed the metrics for GNH, the concept of Gross National

Happiness is divided into four pillars: good governance, cultural preservation, sustainable socioeconomic development and environmental conservation. These four pillars are further divided into nine domains: psychological wellbeing, health, education, time use, cultural diversity and resilience, good governance, community vitality, ecological diversity and resilience, and living standards. From these nine domains there are 33 components that are computed into the GNH Index.

The Centre for Bhutan Studies states on its website that â&#x20AC;&#x153;the objectives of Bhutan and Buddhist understandings of happiness are much broader than what is referred to as â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;happinessâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; in Western literature.â&#x20AC;?

Does this mean that GNH is non-­ applicable in a Western country like the United States?

To Frank Dixon, a sustainability advisor to some of the largest companies in the world, including Wal-­Mart, it is possible to adapt GNH to Western society if we follow three steps. First, the community has to decide together what an ideal society LV :KHQ WKLV GHĂ&#x20AC;QLWLRQ LV HVWDEOLVKHG the community can then decide how they are going to measure their progress toward their goal. It is at this stage that metrics like GNH can be considered as better systems than GDP. The last step is to keep up with the established plan and reach out to other communities to show them that a better society can be achieved.

Linda Wheatley, president of the QRQ SURĂ&#x20AC;W RUJDQL]DWLRQ *URVV 1DWLRQDO Happiness USA (GNHUSA), agrees with Dixonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s three-­step plan. She

Image by Daniel Sitts

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

W

hile the United States and other countries of the West worried about the state of the economy in 2008, there was a small kingdom-­democracy between India and China that didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel the need to be alarmed by a decline in their Gross Domestic Product (GDP). $ *'3 LV FXUUHQWO\ XVHG WR GHĂ&#x20AC;QH D country or regionâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s production based on ownership and geographical location, respectively.

The Royal Government of Bhutan, VLQFH WKH V KDV XWLOL]HG WKH concept of Gross National Happiness (GNH) to measure the countryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s social and economic welfare instead of GDP. It wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t until 2005 that the system was clearly established, and WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW FRPSOHWH VXUYH\ UHVXOWV ZHUH published in 2010.

Many people may question if this system really measures happiness, but a main question is: Does GNH really work as a measurement of social and economic status? Or is it a utopian concept, something too good to be true? Could it be the right way to measure societyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s development and welfare, something highly idealistic but still attainable?

Chris Sperry, director of Project Look Sharp who recently traveled to Bhutan to teach media literacy, said that â&#x20AC;&#x153;like all utopian projects it is littered with realities.â&#x20AC;? To him, GNH can be very idealistic, but it can become a reality if we approach it with high standards.

Sperry said that Bhutan doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to be a wealthy country, and he wonders if other countries should follow. â&#x20AC;&#x153;At some level, [GNH is] a very practical recognition that the goals of society shouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t and canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be WUDGLWLRQDO HFRQRPLFDO Ă&#x20AC;JXULQJ because it doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t represent what the real goals of society are,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;People arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t necessarily happy in a VRFLHW\ GHĂ&#x20AC;QHG E\ *13 <RX FDQ KDYH a society that is low on its national income, but the people are happy.â&#x20AC;?

Sperry disagrees with skepticsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; FODLPV WKDW *1+ LV VXSHUĂ&#x20AC;FLDO DQG XWRSLDQ EHFDXVH *1+ LV GHĂ&#x20AC;QHG and practiced by many elements of wellbeing, not just happiness, he said.

According to the Centre for Bhutan

HPSKDVL]HV t h a t the most important step now in the United States is to inform WKH FLWL]HQV ZKDW *1+ LV DQG ZK\ LW is necessary to change our metrics to measure societyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s wellbeing. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nothing more important than a group that has a mission with real data and information. Like the Occupy movement, with these kinds of groups you can change things drastically because of all the energy and creativity that people get when they feel passionate about something,â&#x20AC;? she said.

U.S. state governments have already started to apply measures that resemble GNH. Maryland, for example, uses the Genuine Progress Indicator (GPI), described on the stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s website as a tool that â&#x20AC;&#x153;provides FLWL]HQV DQG SROLF\PDNHUV IUXLWIXO LQVLJKW E\ UHFRJQL]LQJ HFRQRPLF activity that diminishes both natural and social capital. Furthermore, the GPI is designed to measure sustainable economic welfare rather than economic activity alone.â&#x20AC;?

6XVWDLQDEOH 6HDWWOH D QRQ SURĂ&#x20AC;W VXVWDLQDELOLW\ RUJDQL]DWLRQ LQ 6HDWWOH Wa., has its own Gross National Happiness regional survey and The Happiness Initiative, which does a national survey of the wellbeing of the country.

Dixon quoted Einstein to describe why we need to change our metrics of social wellbeing: â&#x20AC;&#x153;We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.â&#x20AC;? ____________________________________ Nicole Arocho HernĂĽndez is a sophomore writing major who believes you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t buy happiness. Email her at narocho1@ithaca.edu

Which Way to Feminist Utopia?

8LI SZIVWMQTPM½GEXMSR SJ XLI JIQMRMWX QSZIQIRX

By Timothy Bidon

F

[it is] also dangerous,â&#x20AC;? said Zerilli.

Too many forms of feminism exist for a view of utopia to be feasible. I should have seen this sooner, considering that for my feminist theory class, the pile of required reading takes up more than half a shelf. But it took this harsh wake up call from Zerilli WR UHDOO\ EULQJ WKLV WR IUXLWLRQ <HV there are some overarching themes that string these feminisms together, but for Zerilli, the overarching theme is one that is simple: equality. But even within this concept there are diversions. Equality, she argues, has been misconstrued: â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is often misrepresented as equality with men, where man is the measure,â&#x20AC;? said Zerilli.

But the moral of this story stands at the simple fact that though equality may unite these feminists in their struggle, there are too many theories, WKRXJKWV HVVD\V Ă&#x20AC;OPV SRHPV drawings (I could go on) that are designated as â&#x20AC;&#x153;feministâ&#x20AC;? but could not be more different from each other.

New forms of feminism come and go like the wind. They all add something to the dialogue and further the struggle for womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rights and social justice issues on the whole, but to simply ask for a utopia is a preposterous request. It is an unhelpful, obsolete WHUP WKDW RYHUVLPSOLĂ&#x20AC;HV D FRPSOH[ VRFLDO VWUXJJOH , Ă&#x20AC;QDOO\ JRW WKH wake up call. I no longer should ask â&#x20AC;&#x153;which way to feminist utopia?â&#x20AC;? but rather, â&#x20AC;&#x153;where do I see feminism taking me?â&#x20AC;? The path is not a simple one; it diverges and there are many choices to make, but the importance lies within the thoughts and theories that are produced when we meet and diverge on our own individual feminist journeys. So, I challenge you, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t go forth and search for a feminist utopia. Instead, run into the woods of feminism and get as lost as you possibly can along the way. The results will surprise you. ____________________________________ Timothy Bidon is a sophomore jour-­ nalism major who is still MIA, lost in the woods of feminism. Email him at tbidon1@ithaca.edu.

Upfront

eminist. Even the word has an write an article asking the real expert impact. Feminism is a loaded feminists what feminist utopia meant concept with layers upon layers for them. The response? Virtually of different theories and views. In fact, none. I spent weeks tearing at my hair, sending email after email, struggling to call feminism by the name WR Ă&#x20AC;QG VRPHRQH ZKR ZRXOG FOHDU XS â&#x20AC;&#x153;feminismâ&#x20AC;? probably does this mess for me. Though the movement injustice I was frustrated when you take into and angry, I account all the Ă&#x20AC;QDOO\ JRW different views that one response. exist within it. There Linda Zerilli, are multiple forms of a professor and feminism. That being the director of the said, what would Center for a feminist utopia the Study of look like? Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Gender and not a simple Sexuality at question the University to answer. of Chicago The concept emailed me of feminist some short, but utopia can incredibly helpful come with just as much answers to my variety as the concept of over -­simplified, feminism itself.

J H Q H U D O L ] H G For Catherine Mackinnon, questions trying author of â&#x20AC;&#x153;Feminism to get a grasp on 8QPRGLĂ&#x20AC;HG Âľ LW ZRXOG EH D what a feminist world with no pornography. utopia is.

For Monique Wittig, author When I asked of â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Straight Mind,â&#x20AC;? it which way to would be a world with no feminist KHWHURVH[LVP )RU (OL]DEHWK utopia, Cady Stanton, a feminist Image s h e

By Ge utopia was one where women orgie M orley shed light had the right to vote. For every upon the fact strain of feminism there is another thing exists. In Ă&#x20AC;YH WKHRULHV WKDW FRPH DORQJ ZLWK that no such it. All diverse, all legitimate and all fact, by even bringing up the term I with different views as to what utopia ZDV KRPRJHQL]LQJ WKH PRYHPHQW would look like. Perhaps itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time we â&#x20AC;&#x153;Honestly, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really work with utopic visions,â&#x20AC;? Zerilli said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think demystify a â&#x20AC;&#x153;feminist utopia.â&#x20AC;?

This is the story of my journey to try feminism needs the idea of hope and the sense of a future, but I think DQG Ă&#x20AC;QG IHPLQLVW XWRSLD Upon enrolling in a feminist theory utopias tend to get feminists involved FRXUVH , H[SHFWHG WR Ă&#x20AC;QDOO\ XQFRYHU in a practice of politics that is too the mystery of what it really meant to instrumental for my tastes.â&#x20AC;?

This instrumentalism is something be a feminist. I expected to gain some sort of clarity, but the reality is that she described as â&#x20AC;&#x153;dangerous.â&#x20AC;? She FODULW\ RYHUVLPSOLĂ&#x20AC;HV WKH FRPSOH[LWLHV argues that to work with an idea of that exist within the movement. To be feminist utopia we must work with a feminist means something different what she describes as a â&#x20AC;&#x153;means-­ for everyone who chooses to use endsâ&#x20AC;? political viewpoint. But there the title, and therefore the idea of a are consequences to thinking through â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;feminist utopiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; is one that takes such a narrow scope: â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is a means-­ ends conception of politics that is not away from the movement as a whole.

When I decided to discover a only false â&#x20AC;&#x201D; we can never control or feminist utopia, I decided to try and predict the effect of our action â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but

21

The Highest Cash Crop

How legalization could change the nation

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

By Charly Culberson Would it come as a surprise that at least one third of the U.S. population has at some point smoked one of the most common illegal drugs? Smoking weed is essentially a mainstream trend for young adults. Even the most LQĂ XHQWLDO FHOHEULWLHV Âł IURP DUWLVWV like Lilâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Wayne and Willie Nelson to athletes like Michael Phelps to comedians like Seth Rogan â&#x20AC;&#x201D; have confessed to smoking cannabis. Even President Barack Obama has openly admitted to previously inhaling marijuana.

How can the government still see prohibition as effective when some RI WKH PRVW LQĂ XHQWLDO Ă&#x20AC;JXUHV in society are partaking in the illicit use of marijuana and public interest in the industry continues to grow?

According to research presented in Jon Gettmanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 2006 report of â&#x20AC;&#x153;Marijuana Production in the United States,â&#x20AC;? marijuana plays a prevalent role in our economy. Gettman is a leader of the Coalition for Rescheduling Cannabis and a longtime contributor to High Times 0DJD]LQH +H reveals that marijuana held t h e highest cash crop value in 2006, toppling over the combined value of wheat and corn, to a whopping 35.8 billion dollars. That translates to roughly over 20 million people in the United States smoking marijuana.

The reality is that a lack of control from law enforcement has allowed the nationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s interest in marijuana to persist.

Since the Controlled Substance Act was passed in 1970, marijuana has been declared a Schedule I drug, meaning the drug rests on the same level as heroine and cocaine. In order to be placed on the Schedule , FODVVLĂ&#x20AC;FDWLRQ D GUXJ PXVW KDYH D high potential for abuse relative to other substances, must not currently have an accepted medical use and must lack accepted safety for use of the drug without medical supervision. /DUU\ &ROHPDQ LV D TXDOLĂ&#x20AC;HG instructor for the Alcohol and Other Drugs Program (AoD Eye-­Opener)

22

led out of the Elyria, Ohio Police Department. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe in drugs being recreational, and when we use that term it is just a way of cleaning up the word â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;drug abuse.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Addiction rewires my brain in favor of repeating the intoxicating experience,â&#x20AC;? Coleman said.

His outlook on marijuana as an addictive drug goes hand-­in-­hand with the opinions of many American FLWL]HQV GXH WR ODFN RI LQIRUPDWLRQ and available research. And even though the true

ldman

Clara Go

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effects of marijuana abuse on the brain have not yet EHHQ IXOO\ GLVFRYHUHG PDQ\ VFLHQWLĂ&#x20AC;F researchers hold the opinion that marijuana does not have a high risk of abuse any more than caffeine or alcohol. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Physical dependence is rarely encountered in the usual patterns of social use, despite some degree of tolerance that may develop,â&#x20AC;? Leo Hollister, Veterans Administration Medical Center in Palo Alto, Calif. said.

According to Hollister, marijuana does not pose a great threat to society, DQG WKHUDSHXWLF EHQHĂ&#x20AC;WV FDQ EH JDLQHG from using medical cannabis. Sixteen states, as well as Washington, D.C., allow residents to attain a medical marijuana license.

7KH GHFODVVLĂ&#x20AC;FDWLRQ RI PDULMXDQD DV D 6FKHGXOH , GUXJ LV WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW VWHS RQ WKH ORQJ URDG WR OHJDOL]LQJ PDULMXDQD for recreational use. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It is a betrayal of the public trust to treat cannabis as if it has the same potential for abuse as heroin

and cocaine,â&#x20AC;? Gettman stated in the Journal of Cannabis Therapeutics.

In theory, illegal drugs such as cocaine and heroine are controlled by the prohibition of international suppliers. However, marijuana is produced through domestic and international cultivation, making it essentially impossible for law enforcement to obtain its exact origins of manufacture.

I propose a new system under WKH OHJDOL]DWLRQ RI PDULMXDQD 7KH government would have some control over manufacturing, enabling the United States to gain an untapped source of revenue. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Illicit marijuana cultivation provides considerable unreported revenue for growers without corresponding tax obligations to compensate the public for the VRFLDO DQG Ă&#x20AC;VFDO FRVWV UHODWHG WR marijuana use,â&#x20AC;? Gettman said.

If the government taxed marijuana, like they do for cigarettes and alcohol, it could become a large source of revenue to be invested back into the economy. By controlling the marketplace, new laws could be created to apply an age restriction of 18 and older.

Evan Nison, president of Students for Sensible Drug Policy club at Ithaca College, fully agrees that the taxation of marijuana could bring about positive change to society. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It should be taxed like any other product. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re talking about a potential 100 billion dollar-­a-­year industry. /HJDOL]DWLRQ ZRXOG EH EHQHĂ&#x20AC;FLDO WR WKH economy in many ways â&#x20AC;&#x201D; it would stop billions in wasteful spending on law enforcement, create hundreds of thousands of jobs in many different sectors and create a new tax stream for the government,â&#x20AC;? Nison said.

(VVHQWLDOO\ WKH OHJDOL]DWLRQ RI marijuana could be a future solution IRU PDQ\ RI RXU Ă&#x20AC;QDQFLDO SUREOHPV DV we struggle to work our way out of debt. ____________________________________ Charly Culberson is a freshman IMC major who is high on life. Email her at cculber1@ithaca.edu

Lead Us Not Into Temptation %R MRWMHI PSSO MRXS XLI 'LMPHVIR SJ +SH

By Millie Moore

G

Image by Kennis K iu

students from well-­to-­do familiesâ&#x20AC;Ś [They] preyed on rich kids looking for answers about themselves and the world during a period of protest and rebellion.â&#x20AC;?

Pritchett, who was raised in a â&#x20AC;&#x153;conservative, Catholic family,â&#x20AC;? Ben-­ nett said, met these criteria. Pritch-­ ett had a comfortable upbringing.

Her father was the town mayor and a lawyer, and her mother had her own daycare. ´7KHLU KRPH ZDV DOZD\V Ă&#x20AC;OOHG with visitors, friends, house guests and music,â&#x20AC;? Bennett said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;[It was] kind of like a â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;magic kingdom.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; The children had everything they wanted but their religious freedom.â&#x20AC;?

Children of God was founded in 1968 by leader David Berg, and it expanded in-­ ternationally in the 1970â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s and 1980â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Lord has gave us all a vision of how we can reach these young peo-­ ple,â&#x20AC;? said a member in the 1970s who prefers to remain anonymous. â&#x20AC;&#x153;And weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve seen all these hippie-­types sort of being beaten up by the police LQ 1HZ <RUN GHPRQVWUDWLQJ against the war. It just sud-­ denly broke my heart and I thought, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Wow, this genera-­ tionâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s really lost. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve gotta reach them!â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;?

Children of God, known today as â&#x20AC;&#x153;Family Interna-­ WLRQDO Âľ GHĂ&#x20AC;QHV WKHPVHOYHV RQ their website as a group that â&#x20AC;&#x153;is committed to sharing the message of Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s love with people around the globeâ&#x20AC;Ś[and believes] that everyone can have a personal relationship with God through Je-­ sus Christ, which affords happi-­ ness and peace of mind, as well as the motivation to help others and to share the good news of His Love.â&#x20AC;?

They are also emphatic about how they cherish children, calling them â&#x20AC;&#x153;priceless treasures and gifts from Godâ&#x20AC;Ś[whose] physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual needs of children should be amply and com-­

petently met.â&#x20AC;? This blurb seems to offer members a comfortable, loving environment.

However, what the website doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t advertise is how â&#x20AC;&#x153;the familyâ&#x20AC;? lives in an isolated world rampant with sex, abuse, denial and scandal. The chil-­ dren are encouraged, coerced and even forced to have sex with other members and even their own family members. They are also pressured to drink alcohol. Some members cut themselves off from reality complete-­ ly and do not contact anyone from outside of â&#x20AC;&#x153;the familyâ&#x20AC;?. Lauren was one of these people, which broke her motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s heart. â&#x20AC;&#x153;[Lauren] was an earlier member of this cult before it went [even more] nutso,â&#x20AC;? Rachel Arthur, Pritchettâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cousin, said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was painful for all of us.â&#x20AC;? She, like most of Pritchettâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fam-­ ily members, refused to say anything else about Pritchettâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time with the cult. ,Q WKH HDUO\ V 3ULWFKHWW Ă&#x20AC;QDO-­ ly decided to come home for a visit with her boyfriend. Pritchettâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fam-­ ily planned an intervention for them, but found out Pritchett and Richards had left the cult voluntarily. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We were all so relieved that she left on her own,â&#x20AC;? said Bennett.

Pritchett and Richards, after mov-­ ing to Italy with the cult, decided to leave, get married and move to Spain. They raised a Catholic fam-­ ily in Spain and opened up a chain of organic, eco-­friendly restaurants and a couple of nightclubs. Richards died in the early 1990â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, but Pritchett still remains in Marbella. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Because the economy is bad, her house is especially full right now, be-­ cause she takes in family members and friends who are having a tough time,â&#x20AC;? Bennett said.

Strangely enough, â&#x20AC;&#x153;[the cult] had a positive affect on [Pritchettâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s] life,â&#x20AC;?

Arthur admits. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think that was be-­ cause she is who she is â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a very wonderful, loving, smart, funny woman so, so in tune with what is important in life.â&#x20AC;? ___________________________________ Millie Moore is a freshman IMC major who plans to go to London, but only come back with a tattoo. Email her at mmoore2@ithaca.edu

23

Upfront

oing abroad as a college stu-­ dent is a rite of passage â&#x20AC;&#x201D; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s when you have some of the most scandalous and unforgettable experiences imaginable. Consider yourself lucky if you come back free of any regrettable tattoos, inappro-­ priate piercings or STDs. Lauren Pritchett wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t one of the lucky ones and neither were her friends that she traveled with to Lon-­ don in the early 70s. Lauren travelled with Don Richards, her high school sweetheart, to London with a group of friends from their hometown. None of them re-­ turned from London the same â&#x20AC;&#x201D; if they even did leave â&#x20AC;&#x201D; because they joined a cult called Children of God. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I can remember her leaving home and being so â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;one-­ sidedâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; in her way of thinking about life, and placing beliefs in this one way, only way sort of thing,â&#x20AC;? said Katie Arthur, her cousin and the only mem-­ ber of Pritchettâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s family who was willing to be interviewed. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;Ś missed her terribly, as she was my older sister who I love â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and still do of course â&#x20AC;&#x201D; very much. She never did come back.â&#x20AC;?

Pritchett and her friends werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the only ones who were seduced by this cult. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There were a few high school and college age kids that also left to â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;joinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; this one group from our town.

[But in those times] it was not uncommon for these â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;movementsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; to come around and sort of â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;sweepâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; up these young, idealistic people,â&#x20AC;? Ar-­ thur said.

Children of God, like every other cult, seems perverted and fraudu-­ lent from an outsiderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s perspective.

But they can appear charismatic and charming. â&#x20AC;&#x153;[They] target the vulnerable, which is almost any teenager!â&#x20AC;? said Denise Bennett, another one of Pritchettâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cousins. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Children of God also targeted teens and college

24

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

You Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Know Jack The ethics behind creating XLI TIVJIGX GLMPH

By Kerry Tkacik

C

Upfront

ongratulations! Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a baby boy. His name? Jack â&#x20AC;&#x201D; why not? Totally healthy; big, blue eyes; towheaded; dimples; Ă DZOHVV ZKLWH VNLQ OLNH IUHVKO\ FKXUQHG FUHDP Perfection. %XW E\ ZKRVH GHĂ&#x20AC;QLWLRQ" Popular culture builds a social construction that revolves around baby boy Jack, and we see him everywhere: Brad Pitt, Justin Bieber, Leonardo DiCaprio â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the list, and the emula-­ tion, goes on. One day, parents may suddenly Ă&#x20AC;QG WKHPVHOYHV ZLWK WKH XQVHWWOLQJ FDSDELO-­ ity to make a choice to dream up their perfect child. If theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re willing to cough up the cash, they could make it a reality. Not surprisingly, parents seem to want to take the best qualities (â&#x20AC;&#x153;bestâ&#x20AC;? meaning â&#x20AC;&#x153;prettiestâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;healthiestâ&#x20AC;?) and fuse them together to create perfection embodied in a child.

25

â&#x20AC;&#x153;

Dr. William Kearns, geneticist and director at The Center for Preim-­ plantation Genetics and associate professor at John Hopkins Universi-­ ty, has a similar take on PDG when implemented to secure quality of fu-­ ture life for an embryo. â&#x20AC;&#x153;To me, if thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an embryo thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s infected with a catastrophic carrying disorder, if that became a baby and the baby would die, I am OK with not transferring that. I am OK with that not growing up,â&#x20AC;? Kearns said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;One just has to be very consistent

â&#x20AC;&#x153;

Rewind the tapes a couple of bil-­ lion years.

We humans love to short-­change mother nature, snub her and tell her she doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know Jack. But she does. She knows Jack quite well, and she knows that in all his glori-­ ous â&#x20AC;&#x153;perfection,â&#x20AC;? Jack just might be the last thing the human race needs.

Natural selection can be a good thing, undeserving of being thrown to the wayside by new age technolo-­ gies.

The process of genetic Preimplan-­

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking at selecting for the tallest, most athletic, best-looking males, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re probably also selecting for aggression and risk-taking.

-

-Ian Woods, Associate Professor of Developmental Biology at Ithaca College -

tation Genetics Diagnosis, or PGD, LV D FRPELQDWLRQ RI LQ YLWUR IHUWLOL]D-­ tion and selective genetic screening.

At its best, it is used to drastically reduce the chance of genetic disease passing through to the next genera-­ tion. At its worst, it could potentially be used to design babies in the same way you order an American Girl Doll.

Leann Kanda, assistant professor of biology at Ithaca College, has no qualms with PDG when it is used for medically relevant reasons. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Doing preimplantation diagnosis on serious health issues, I do not see (PDG) as being either ethically prob-­ lematic or really having any impact on the larger evolutionary scenario,â&#x20AC;?

Kanda said.

Different scenarios lead to differ-­ ent dilemmas surrounding PDG. Kanda believes that a lethal prog-­ nosis from the genetic screening is one thing, but the lines begin to blur ZKHQ DQ HPEU\R LV LGHQWLĂ&#x20AC;HG DV EH-­ ing subject to a disability like deaf-­ ness, for example. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The collection of cells with a ge-­ netic defect that is going to lead to that human having a poor quality of life [may be terminated]. I do not have objection to that,â&#x20AC;? Kanda said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The place where it starts to get slip-­ pery is when you ask what is poor quality of life.â&#x20AC;?

26

in their beliefs. Again, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re talk-­ ing about catastrophic lethal disor-­ dersâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not talking about minor things.â&#x20AC;?

The Center for Preimplantation Genetics is a lab where preimplan-­ tation genetic testing takes place.

The center takes embryos created WKURXJK LQ YLWUR IHUWLOL]DWLRQ DQG GH-­ termines everything from the sexes of the embryos to whether they carry debilitating genetic diseases or sin-­ JOH JHQH GLVRUGHUV OLNH F\VWLF Ă&#x20AC;EUR-­ sis. Kearns conducts medical genet-­ ics consults with the couples after the embryonic screening process to JR RYHU ULVNV EHQHĂ&#x20AC;WV DQG H[SHFWD-­ tions in accordance with test results.

In the event that an embryo re-­ ceives a damning diagnosis, the par-­ ents must then face the uncomfort-­ able decision of what to do about it. â&#x20AC;&#x153;When people talk about that, this is what I say to them: â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;I am Catholic, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a Republican, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m conservative, and I mess around with embryos, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m confused all the time.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; They laugh, and then we talk about it,â&#x20AC;?

Kearns said.

The Center for Preimplantation Genetics is a reference lab, not a clinic, so Kearns takes part in the conversation surrounding this deci-­ sion, but does not take part in the action afterwards.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to bias them because of my beliefs, but I think they should hear some examples from both sides of the story and then they can make their decision,â&#x20AC;? Kearns said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;In vi-­ tro clinics around the world dispose of embryos, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not saying itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s right â&#x20AC;&#x201D; I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t agree with disposing of embryos. I have a very strong be-­ lief that we need to be very careful of the ethics of what we do.â&#x20AC;?

Ian Woods, associate professor of developmental biology at Ithaca Col-­ OHJH DFNQRZOHGJHV WKH EHQHĂ&#x20AC;W RI PGD as it stands, as well as the dan-­ gerous road it is slowly beginning to take. ´, WKLQN WKH EHQHĂ&#x20AC;WV RI GRLQJ >3*'@ far outweigh the drawbacks. If you have breast cancer running in your family and you know thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s genetic, or you have colon cancer and you have watched your parents or sib-­ lings die of these diseases, I think LW¡V GHĂ&#x20AC;QLWHO\ ZRUWKZKLOH WR PDNH sure that your kids donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t also go through that,â&#x20AC;? Woods said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This idea of selecting gender, howeverâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;I think thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s getting a little too close to a slippery slope.â&#x20AC;?

That slippery slope is the dilemma that arises when parents begin to create designer babies with no medi-­ FDO MXVWLĂ&#x20AC;FDWLRQ $ VWXG\ E\ the American Society for Reproduc-­ tive Medicine found that 42 percent of clinics offering PGD services have also offered sex-­selection services with no medical necessity. Accord-­ LQJ WR D 1HZ <RUN 8QLYHUVLW\ 6FKRRO of Medicine survey, 10 percent of participants showed a desire for ge-­ netic testing for athletic ability, 10 percent for increased height and 13 percent for intelligence screening.

Woods said today genetic selection is still limited to what genes are al-­ ready available in the embryo. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s kind of a miscon-­ ception when people think about GHVLJQHU EDELHV <RX FDQ KDYH \RXU little laundry list of things you wish your baby would be like: athletic, musical, tall, smart, whatever, but weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not to the point where we can actually introduce those genes into the embryos,â&#x20AC;? Woods said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re dealing with is the variation thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s already there. In the scien-­ WLĂ&#x20AC;F UHDOP LW LV DOUHDG\ SRVVLEOH WR introduce outside genes into an em-­ bryo and see what happens. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not that hard to do with these organ-­

Image by Zachary Anderson

you wonder if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to bring a lot of that along.â&#x20AC;?

Kanda added that when taken from a practical point of view, this heavy-­handed selection process may lead to a variety of unexpected re-­ sults. â&#x20AC;&#x153;If weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to design, there is WKLV GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW\ RI SKHOLRWURSLF HIIHFWV that one gene doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t just do one thing,â&#x20AC;? Kanda said.

If parents were given the choice to design their children, they would undoubtedly choose what they feel to be the best biological set-­up as possible. Societal pressures might dictate what â&#x20AC;&#x153;bestâ&#x20AC;? is. Except in this scenario we are no longer just talk-­ ing whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on your TV screen. Now weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re talking what you might have the tendency to choose to create. â&#x20AC;&#x153;How many people would be choos-­ ing that norm and how many people â&#x20AC;&#x201D; given the options â&#x20AC;&#x201D; because they are starting out with their own ge-­ QHWLF SURĂ&#x20AC;OH ZRXOG WKH\ MXVW EH RUL-­ enting toward what they personally wished that they could have been?

That, I think, is even more terrifying in terms of practical implications,â&#x20AC;? .DQGD VDLG ´, ZRXOG Ă&#x20AC;QG LW SHUVRQ-­ DOO\ HWKLFDOO\ UHSXJQDQW <RX WDNH some of the more obvious things we discriminate against: sexual orien-­ tation, skin color, those things. And

say OK, if somebody were deliber-­ ately choosing to raise an embryo that had this skin color versus that or this orientation versus that, there is part of me that would scream foul. <RX DUH ULJKW IURP WKH JHW JR GLV-­ criminating against that kind of be-­ ing.â&#x20AC;?

Kanda also challenges the idea that designing a baby would work out, if we ever got to that point. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think giving people that level of predestination expectations would have really hideous effects on that familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s social structure,â&#x20AC;? she said.

For now, genetic science is lim-­ ited to screening and selecting for disease and gender. For now, baby boy Jack will grow up with his par-­ ents hoping he becomes a charming, intelligent, athletic go-­getter. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll do everything they can to teach him how to win in life. He isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t all that special â&#x20AC;&#x201D; he isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t a designer baby armed with genetic preconditions to take over the world, for good or for worse. His odds are as good as any-­ oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, for now. ___________________________________ Kerry Tcacik is a junior journalism major who wants to design her fu-­ ture baby to look like the love child of Ryan Gosling and Mila Kunis. Email her at ktkacik1@ithaca.edu

27

Upfront

isms which are not that different from humans, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s probably theoreti-­ cally possible, but I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know of anybody who is interested in doing that.â&#x20AC;?

According to The Wall Street Jour-­ nal, a Los Angeles clinic claimed the ability to offer cosmetic genetic selection in 2009. Some experts in WKH Ă&#x20AC;HOG EHOLHYH LW LV DOUHDG\ SRVVLEOH to genetically alter embryos to meet the cosmetic desires of parents, and others like Woods believe PDG could one day reach full Barbie building potential. For now, there is too little interest and funding for it to be in the near future. With such limited demand, Woods said, the technology will not receive the push it needs.

Due to our relatively limited knowl-­ edge in regards to gene selection and its repercussions, that might not be the worst thing.

Sex selection has already been achieved, Woods said, and even that VFLHQWLĂ&#x20AC;F DGYDQFHPHQW LV XQVHWWOLQJ â&#x20AC;&#x153;I mean, is that OK? Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s probably not OK in some societies where, already due to whatever reasons, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a really big gender imbal-­ ance,â&#x20AC;? Woods said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;If technology were made available widespread, we might see even more problems in that sense.â&#x20AC;? .HDUQV DOVR Ă&#x20AC;QGV WKH GHOLEHUDWH non-­medically supported decision to choose one gender over the other to be disturbing. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe in non-­medical sex selection,â&#x20AC;? Kearns said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I am very much against that... I would argue that if one wants to do sex selection, then they should have to donate the other embryos to somebody else.â&#x20AC;?

The notion that gender selection is already available leads to consider-­ ations of what might happen if ge-­ netic screening and selection goes even further in the future. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard to know what would happen,â&#x20AC;? Woods said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What I would be concerned about more is what other traits would be kind of carried on as baggage with whatever youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re selecting for. I see danger in that. I FDQQRW PDNH DQ\ Ă&#x20AC;UP SUHGLFWLRQV about what kind of ways that that danger will be manifested. But I wor-­ ry mainly about personality traits. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking at selecting for the tallest, most athletic, best-­looking males, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re probably also selecting for aggression and risk-­taking. So

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

OL. MINISTRYofCOOL. MI

28

Just Hit Escape

Getting lost in the alternate universes of games

By Ross Orlando

S

RXWVLGH RI $WKHQV Âľ KH VDLG â&#x20AC;&#x153;With little warning, lightning VWUXFN DQG MXVW DV , PLJKW LQ real life, I scrambled to get out of the forest and into the city where I might be safe from QDWXUH¡V ZUDWK Âľ Developers want players to believe that they are the characters within WKH JDPH 7KDW¡V why in recent years, Western style role-­ playing JDPHV KDYH EHFRPH VR SRSXODU ,Q these games such as Mass Effect and The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, players FDQ FUHDWH WKHLU RZQ FKDUDFWHU WR ORRN OLNH WKHPVHOYHV RU ORRN FRPSOHWHO\ GLIIHUHQW 7KLV LV RQH ZD\ SOD\HUV FDQ VXEPHUJH WKHPVHOYHV LQWR D JDPH Game designer Jenova Chen has created games that are described as being more of an experience than a JDPH +LV JDPH Flower was released in 2009 to critical acclaim for the DUWLVWU\ RI WKH JDPH 7KH SOD\HU FRQWUROV WKH ZLQG DQG D VLQJOH Ă RZHU petal to try and collect the most DPRXQW RI SHWDOV D SRVVLEOH 7KH atmosphere he created was one of the PRVW PHPRUDEOH DVSHFWV RI WKH JDPH Chen recently released Journey and explained his philosophy when it comes to having players get lost in his RZQ XWRSLD â&#x20AC;&#x153;[Immersion] is very important because Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m trying to create a strong emotion in the player, and if they are very self-­aware, and they are really ORRNLQJ DW WKH JDPH IURP RXWVLGH the glass, they wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be able to be UHDOO\ PRYHG E\ WKH JDPH Âľ KH VDLG â&#x20AC;&#x153;Immediately, you want to bring the player into your world so that the ruse, magic, atmosphere and feeling of the virtual world can actually LPSDFW WKH SOD\HU ,I WKH SOD\HU LV QRW immersed, then there is no way you FDQ WRXFK WKHP Âľ When games have many problems to solve, such as the many quests available in the popular game World of Warcraft SOD\HUV ORVH WUDFN RI whether or not they are themselves RU WKHLU FKDUDFWHUV 3OD\LQJ WKH JDPH FDQ EH DQ HVFDSH LQ LWVHOI â&#x20AC;&#x153;Any experience that can distract

Image by Karissa Breuer

us when we feel negative emotions can become reinforcing and set up a cycle where the coping behavior EHFRPHV ULJLG DQG LQà H[LEOH DQG ZH can ignore activities that change the situation instead of changing our VWDWH RI FRQVFLRXVQHVV ¾ ,WKDFD &ROOHJH SV\FKRORJLVW 3DXO 0LNRZVNL VDLG 7KHUH DUH VWRULHV RI SHRSOH ZKR have died playing videogames for dozens of consecutive hours because RI WKLV HVFDSH :KDWHYHU UHDVRQ WKH individual player might have, it can EH D YHU\ GDQJHURXV DGGLFWLRQ 7KHVH escapes from everyday life might be the perfect mental escape but can be damaging to not only the players WKHPVHOYHV EXW WKRVH DURXQG WKHP 'U 0LNRZVNL H[SODLQV ZKDW VHWV YLGHRJDPH DGGLFWLRQ DSDUW ´7KH KDUP WKDW FRPHV WR SHRSOH ZKR play games too often is more subtle DQG KDUGHU WR VHH *DPH SOD\LQJ LV generally more socially acceptable WKDQ GUXJV IRU H[DPSOH ¾ Utopias in gaming can vary greatly depending on the perception of the VXEMHFW PDWWHU 9LGHRJDPH GHYHORSHUV engulf the players in inviting worlds WKDW DUH IXQ WR EHFRPH ORVW LQ +RZHYHU WKHVH FDQ TXLFNO\ EHFRPH GDQJHURXV LI QRW PDQDJHG FRUUHFWO\ Escapes from everyday life are DFFHSWDEOH EXW OLNH ZLWK DOO WKLQJV RQO\ LQ PRGHUDWLRQ ____________________________________ Ross Orlando is a sophomore journalism major and a level six dark elf sorcerer. Email him at rorland1@ ithaca.edu

Ministry of Cool

hangri-­La, Iram of the Pillars, and Atlantis are famous utopias WKDW SHRSOH KDYH \HDUQHG WR Ă&#x20AC;QG Some have succeeded in discovering these perfect societies by turning WR YLGHRJDPHV 5DSWXUH IURP WKH Bioshock videogame franchise began as a utopia under the sea, free of government control, yet it turned into D G\VWRSLDQ VRFLHW\ 7KDW VHHPV WR EH a pattern with other perfect societies in videogames, such as Cocoon from Final Fantasy XIII and the utopia that John Henry Eden from Fallout tries WR SDVV RII DV D UHDOLW\ $ XWRSLD LQ a videogame is not always just the amazing visual experience that the player sees, but the experience of ORVLQJ RQHVHOI LQ WKLV DOWHUQDWH UHDOLW\ Some might see it as an escape DIWHU D GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOW GD\ RI FODVVHV RU ZRUN while others might see it as the life WKH\ ZLVK WKH\ KDG Kevin VanOrd, senior editor at GameSpot, said that the feeling of HVFDSH LV D KXJH GUDZ â&#x20AC;&#x153;Consider this: As children, we DUH RIWHQ GUDZQ WR VXEMHFWV OLNH GLQRVDXUV DQG RXWHU VSDFH DQG *UHHN P\WKRORJ\ 7KRVH WKLQJV FDSWXUH our imaginations because they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t represent the world that surrounds XV LQ WKH KHUH DQG QRZ Âľ Utopias commonly exist in YLGHRJDPHV WR FUHDWH D FRQĂ LFW WR SXVK WKH SORW IRUZDUG %\ GHĂ&#x20AC;QLWLRQ XWRSLDV are idyllic places where everyone OLYHV KDSSLO\ 5XQQLQJ DURXQG LQ D SODFH OLNH WKDW ZRXOG QRW PDNH IRU an exciting experience, so usually this perfect place devolves into one that is full of problems for the player WR VROYH ,PPHUVLQJ WKH SOD\HU LQ WKH world of their game is the developerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s JRDO /LNH DQ\ RWKHU FUHDWLYH PHGLXP developers are creating something that is going to end up in the hands RI PLOOLRQV RI SHRSOH $QG OLNH DQ\ other medium, whether literary or cinema, the people who create it want the consumer to enjoy what they have FUHDWHG 7KH LPPHUVLRQ IDFWRU SOD\V D huge part in whether or not a player ZLOO FRPH EDFN WLPH DQG WLPH DJDLQ 9DQ2UG UHFDOOHG D PRPHQW OLNH WKLV from when he played the computer game, Anarchy Online â&#x20AC;&#x153;I remember exploring a forest

29

Not Another Love Story

The harmful effects of unrealistic rom-coms

By Meagan McGinnes

30

issues are the third primary UHDVRQ VWXGHQWV VHHN FRXQVHOLQJ QDWLRQDOO\ 7KRXJK URP FRPV themselves are light-­hearted, psychological damage occurs when people, including this \RXQJHU FROOHJH JHQHUDWLRQ PLVWDNH WKHVH Ă&#x20AC;FWLRQDO UHODWLRQVKLSV IRU UHDOLW\ +H GHVFULEHV URP FRP SORW lines as the classic â&#x20AC;&#x153;people-­in-­the-­ KROHÂľ VFHQDULR â&#x20AC;&#x153;People start out, they are somewhat attracted to HDFK RWKHU 7KHUH LV VRPH problem, something comes between them, meaning they fall into a hole, and then they solve it and they JHW EDFN WRJHWKHU DQG OLYH KDSSLO\ HYHU DIWHU And thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not how real relationships ZRUN Âľ (HOOV VDLG Eells believes real relationships are about commitment and about staying together through GLIĂ&#x20AC;FXOWLHV +H ZHQW RQ WR VD\ that feelings are important, but relationship success is based on hard ZRUN DQG VWUHQJWK WKURXJK VXIIHULQJ &RU\ %URZQ DVVRFLDWH SURIHVVRU IRU WKH FODVV ´/RYH DQG 6H[Âľ DW ,WKDFD College, said there are deeper issues to examine in these idealistic romantic FRPHGLHV ´/RYH LV VWUHVVIXO EXW ZH ORRN WR URPDQWLF FRPHGLHV IRU VRPH NLQG RI VWUHVV UHOLHI %XW WKH\ PD\ EH DQRWKHU IRUP RI WKH GHOXVLRQ ,W¡V D FDWFK Âľ %URZQ VDLG %URZQ GHVFULEHV WKLV GHOXVLRQ DV anything from physical appearances, to the unrealistic and propagandistic WHQGHQFLHV RI SRSXODU Ă&#x20AC;OP WKDW DUH in his opinion, creating a dystopia RI VRUWV %URZQ VDLG PRYLHV FDQ be harmful because they impose viewpoints and stereotypes without UHTXLULQJ SHUVRQDO UHĂ HFWLRQ 3HRSOH assume the validity of whatever statements are being made or whatever relationships are being SRUWUD\HG â&#x20AC;&#x153;It canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t not do thatâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s up on a big screen with beautiful people, much bigger than life is the essence of their beautyâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; it distorts our contribution to reality, by omitting our participation LQ LW Âľ %URZQ VDLG â&#x20AC;&#x153;We love it while we observe it, but

Image by Kieu Anh

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

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RX ODXJK <RX FU\ <RX GURRO at the dreamy actors and DFWUHVVHV ,I \RX¡UH PH \RX HQMR\ WKH FRPSDQ\ RI %HQ DQG -HUU\ two of the most dependable men I NQRZ DQG WKHQ \RX ZLVK WKH KHDUW warming romantic comedy you spent the last two hours watching could RQH GD\ EH D UHDOLW\ ,¡YH VHHQ WKHP DOO IURP ROG VFKRRO FODVVLFV OLNH Some Like It Hot, When Harry Met Sally and Pretty in Pink WR PRUH UHFHQW Ă LFNV OLNH No Strings Attached and Crazy, Stupid Love. , XVHG WR WKLQN RI WKHVH PRYLHV DV the perfect world that I could aspire to, the gold standard for all my future UHODWLRQVKLSV , PHDQ ZKDW LV PRUH URPDQWLF WKHQ -XOLD 5REHUWV LQ Notting Hill VD\LQJ ´'RQ¡W IRUJHW ,¡P MXVW D JLUO VWDQGLQJ LQ IURQW RI D ER\ÂŤ DVNLQJ KLP WR ORYH KHUÂľ" ,I WKDW GRHVQ¡W PDNH \RX PHOW , GRQ¡W NQRZ ZKDW ZLOO %XW HYHQ URPDQWLF FRPHGLHV WKDW set the bar for our own relationships DUH QRW VR VWUDLJKWIRUZDUG DQ\PRUH 7KH ORYH LGHDO KDV GUDVWLFDOO\ HYROYHG throughout the generations, from the type of romantic and sexual love ZH VHHN RXW WR WKH UHSUHVHQWDWLRQ RI various types of relationships within WKLV XWRSLD According to Time magazine, in 2008 researchers at Heriot Watt Universityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s )DPLO\ DQG 3HUVRQDO 5HODWLRQVKLSV Laboratory in Edinburgh, which studies best practices in relationship counseling, completed a study of 40 Hollywood romantic comedies UHOHDVHG EHWZHHQ 7KH\ found that problems typically reported by couples in relationship counseling UHĂ HFW PLVFRQFHSWLRQV DERXW ORYH DQG romance as depicted in Hollywood Ă&#x20AC;OPV $V SDUW RI WKHLU UHVHDUFK 'U %MDUQH Holmesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; team had around 130 student YROXQWHHUV D VPDOO VWXG\ FRQĂ&#x20AC;QHG WR one region) watch the 2001 romantic comedy Serendipity, while another group of the same size watched a 'DYLG /\QFK GUDPD 9LHZHUV RI WKH romantic comedy were found to be PRUH OLNHO\ WR EHOLHYH LQ IDWH DQG GHVWLQ\ 'U *UHJRU\ (HOOV $VVRFLDWH Director at Gannett Health Services and Director of Counseling and Psychological Services at Cornell University, said that relationship

afterwards we feel c h e a p , having been manipulated and LJQRUHG :H DUH QRW a part of the beauty, WKH Ă&#x20AC;OP LV VD\LQJ WR us, and we feel that ZKHQ ZH ZDON RXW RI WKH WKHDWHU Âľ %XW KDYH URP FRPV always had this great of an impact on WKH W\SH RI ORYH ZH VHHN" 5RP FRPV RI the past focus on the dating process with a more chivalrous, leave-­it-­to-­ WKH LPDJLQDWLRQ DSSURDFK 5HFHQW EORFNEXVWHU Ă&#x20AC;OPV OLNH Wedding Crashers, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Knocked Up have shifted their focus to the more physical aspects RI UHODWLRQVKLSV (YHQ Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day ends the movie with those three words everyone wants to hear: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s JHW QDNHG Âľ 5RP FRP VWRU\OLQHV GRQ¡W just stop with subtle innuendos and D NLVV JRRGQLJKW DIWHU WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW GDWH but more often tell the tale of a wild and hot one-­night stand evolving into PRUH ´, WKLQN RQH RI WKH FKDOOHQJHV RI WKH PRUH W\SLFDO UDXQFK\ Ă&#x20AC;OPV LV WKDW WKH\ may focus on one component of actual UHODWLRQVKLSV ZKLFK LV VH[XDOLW\ :KLFK LV WKH HDVLHVW VLPSOHVW SDUW Âľ (HOOV VDLG ´, PHDQ LW VH[ LV SUHWW\ EDVLF (YHU\ OLYLQJ RUJDQLVP GRHV LW It doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t capture the complexity of DFWXDO UHODWLRQVKLSV Âľ In this way, sex is turned into a recreational experience, but most peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s experience with sex is much deeper than that â&#x20AC;&#x201D; an experience XQGHUSOD\HG LQ RXU SRS FXOWXUH Also underplayed in our culture are relationships outside of KHWHURVH[XDOLW\ %URZQ EHOLHYHV URP coms utilize positive oppression,

TOP FIVE:

Alternative Rom Coms 1. 500 Days of Summer

Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays the hopeless romantic and Zooey Deschanel is a heartbreaker who doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe in true love.

2. Amelie

A young waitress tries to change her life ERH IRHW YT ½RHMRK PSZI MR XLMW [LMQWMGEP *VIRGL ½PQ

3. Garden State

Written and directed by Zach Braff, whose character goes off antidepressants and meets Natalie Portmanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s character who opens his eyes to her world.

4. Annie Hall

A Woody Allen classic starring Diane Keaton where Allenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s character tries to ½RH SYX [L] XLIMV VIPEXMSRWLMT IRHIH

5. Away We Go

John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph star in this story of a young couple searching for the right home to raise their baby.

31

Ministry of Cool

meaning they emphasize a particular accepted form of behavior and normalize it, resulting in an implicit UHSUHVVLRQ RI PDUJLQDO EHKDYLRUV â&#x20AC;&#x153;When you emphasize heterosexuality as the normal, you are in effect repressing all other types RI VH[XDOLWLHV 6R , ZRXOG VD\ WKH PRYLHV DUH GRLQJ WKDW Âľ %URZQ VDLG (HOOV VDLG KH KDV QRWLFHG Ă&#x20AC;OPV WKDW DFNQRZOHGJH OHVELDQ RU JD\ UHODWLRQVKLSV WHQG WR DFNQRZOHGJH more of the complexities that go into those relationships, automatically WDNLQJ WKHP RXW RI WKH JHQUH RI FRPHG\ Maybe it is this exclusivity that PDNHV VRPH SHRSOH KDWH URP FRPV VR VWURQJO\ 2U PD\EH LW¡V WKH FKHHV\ clichĂŠ writing thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s too cutesy to HYHU EH FORVH WR UHDOLW\ ´<RX KDG PH DW KHOORÂľ IURP Jerry McGuire (which I ORYH RU ´,¡P ZDUQLQJ \RX LI \RX WDNH one step closer Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m never letting you JR Âľ IURP No Strings Attached :KR DFWXDOO\ VD\V VKLW OLNH WKDW" ´1R RQH LV WKDW TXLFN WKDW ZLWW\ WKDW IXQQ\ WKDW KDSS\ DOO WKH WLPH Âľ (HOOV VDLG Some may not want to spend $11 at the movie theaters to see a PDLQVWUHDP VKDOORZ YHUVLRQ RI ORYH 5RP FRPV DUH KHWHUR QRUPDWLYH DQG LGHDOLVWLF 7KH\ SHUSHWXDWH WKH LGHD RI Ă&#x20AC;QGLQJ WKH SHUIHFW PDQ RU ZRPDQ EXW DV (HOOV VDLG QR RQH LV SHUIHFW 7UXH ORYH LV UHFRJQL]LQJ DQG DFFHSWLQJ VRPHRQH¡V IDXOWV %URZQ (HOOV DQG /LVD 6KLHOG transformational dating and relationship coach, agree relationships GRQ¡W DOZD\V OLYH XS WR RXU LGHDO 6KLHOG said it is important to remember that most romantic comedies give us hope and something to aspire to, but they DUHQ¡W DERXW UHODWLRQVKLSV 7KH\ DUH PRVWO\ DERXW IDOOLQJ LQ ORYH â&#x20AC;&#x153;In the end, romantic comedies help us laugh at human behavior and not WDNH WKLQJV VR VHULRXVO\ Âľ 6KLHOG VDLG â&#x20AC;&#x153;If having a sense of humor about DOO RI WKLV LVQ¡W KRSHIXO , GRQ¡W NQRZ ZKDW LV 7KH UHDO FKDOOHQJH LV ZKDW KDSSHQV DIWHU WKH\ IDOO LQ ORYH 7KDW¡V WKH SDUW WKH\ QHYHU VKRZ Âľ ____________________________________ Meagan McGinnes is a sophomore journalism major who wants Rachel McAdams to play her in the rom-­com of her life. Email her at mmcginn1@ ithaca.edu.

A Flawless Future

Striving for perfection, pixel by pixel

By Chloe Wilson

D

R \RX ORRN OLNH \RXU SURĂ&#x20AC;OH SLFWXUH" In an age where people have more friends online than in real life, WKH SUHVVXUH WR ORRN JRRG LV HYHU SUHVHQW LQ HYHU\ PHGLXP 7KDQNV WR the magic of technology, people can ORRN DV JRRG DV WKH\ ZDQW $OO LW WDNHV LV WKH FOLFN RI D EXWWRQ Anybody with access to the internet FDQ GLJLWDOO\ DOWHU ZKDW WKH\ ORRN OLNH It seems as if there is always

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

Image by Daniel Sitts

some sort of controversy featuring a photo-­shopped model or celebrity in some beauty campaign â&#x20AC;&#x201D; somebody suddenly becomes unnaturally thin or a different race â&#x20AC;&#x201D; but thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s EXVLQHVV ,I D FRPSDQ\ PHVVHV XS WKH\ VXIIHU D YHU\ SXEOLF EDFNODVK OLNH 5DOSK /DXUHQ UHFHQWO\ DIWHU publishing advertisements featuring )UHQFK PRGHO )LOLSSD +DPLOWRQ 3KRWRVKRSSHUV DW 5DOSK /DXUHQ PDGH her pelvis smaller than her head and FULWLFV RQ WKH LQWHUQHW ZHUH TXLFN WR MXPS RQ WKH PLVWDNH %XW ZKDW KDSSHQV LI \RX¡UH MXVW D QRUPDO SHUVRQ" 0RVW \RXQJ DGXOWV have some familiarity with Photoshop and use of it is more popular than PRVW ZRXOG OLNH WR DGPLW 7R EH IDLU Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve even altered my own photos in the SDVW , ZKLWHQHG P\ WHHWK RQFH 'HDO ZLWK LW

,WKDFD &ROOHJH VRSKRPRUH %HQ 5DWQHU ZDV RQH RI IHZ VWXGHQWV ZKR openly admitted to editing pictures of KLPVHOI WKDW ZHUH XVHG SXEOLFO\ â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll usually only photoshop a photo of myself to get rid of minor, temporary IHDWXUHV Âľ 5DWQHU VDLG ´/LNH ,¡OO JHW ULG RI DFQH LQ D SURĂ&#x20AC;OH SLFWXUH Âľ 7KH PDMRULW\ RI VWXGHQWV LQWHUYLHZHG said that they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mind if a peer enhances personal pictures unless it is to an unrealistic or unnatural H[WUHPH 6HQLRU &KDUORWWH 6DEOHPDQ DJUHHV ZLWK WKLV ´, WKLQN LW¡V Ă&#x20AC;QH Âľ VDLG 6DEOHPDQ ´7KDW LV XQOHVV LW¡V EODWDQWO\ REYLRXV Âľ

32

6RPH VWXGHQWV OLNH VRSKRPRUH 7D\ORU 3DOPHU WKLQN WKDW VWXGHQWV should be honest about their DSSHDUDQFH ´<RX ZDON DURXQG HYHU\GD\ ORRNLQJ H[DFWO\ OLNH \RX DUH Âľ 3DOPHU VDLG â&#x20AC;&#x153;Unless youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re going to change that, ZK\ FKDQJH \RXU SLFWXUHV"Âľ With the features that some editing software programs offer, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s almost as if theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re encouraging users to DOWHU SKRWRV RI WKHPVHOYHV 7KH photo editing ZHEVLWH 3LFQLN features teeth-­ whitening and blemish Ă&#x20AC;[ RSWLRQV Photoshop has an H\HODVK WRRO Many digital cameras now have settings WKDW LQVWDQWO\ WDNH DZD\ WHQ SRXQGV /LNH 6DEOHPDQ VDLG LW¡V Ă&#x20AC;QH XQOHVV REYLRXVO\ DSSDUHQW 7KHUH¡V QR KDUP LQ ZDQWLQJ WR PDNH D JRRG LPSUHVVLRQ LQ D YLUWXDO PHGLXP 6R ORQJ DV WKH changes are things that constantly FKDQJH LW¡V RND\ =LWV FDQ JR DZD\ teeth can get whiter, a few pounds can Ă XFWXDWH 6RPH VWXGHQWV OLNH MXQLRU 0LNH +DQROG WKLQN WKDW HGLWLQJ \RXU SKRWRV LV DQ H[WHQVLRQ RI RQH¡V VHOI HVWHHP ´, WKLQN HYHU\RQH LV LQVHFXUH DERXW themselves physically on some level and photoshopping yourself allows a SHUVRQ WR Ă&#x20AC;[ WKHLU SHUFHLYHG SUREOHPV Âľ +DQROG VDLG ´,W MXVW FRPHV GRZQ WR LQVHFXULWLHV Âľ Of course, not all people who SKRWRVKRS SLFWXUHV DUH LQVHFXUH 6RPH MXVW ZDQW WR SURPRWH D VSHFLĂ&#x20AC;F image of themselves, which is certainly the motivation for fashion magazines DQG RWKHU DGYHUWLVHPHQWV Self magazine received a lot of negative attention for their decision WR VLJQLĂ&#x20AC;FDQWO\ VOLP GRZQ .HOO\ &ODUNVRQ¡V ERG\ IRU WKHLU FRYHU LQ Many on the Self staff were forced to defend their position, including HGLWRULDO DVVLVWDQW $VKOH\ 0DWHR ´7KH WUXWK LV ZH KDYH DEVROXWHO\ QR UHDVRQ WR JHW ZRUNHG XS RYHU 3KRWRVKRS Âľ 0DWHR ZURWH LQ D EORJ SRVW ´0DJD]LQHV GRQ¡W KLGH WKH IDFW that theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re always trying to sell issues â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and to sell copies, you need to appeal to readers with the best writing

DQG WKH EHVW LPDJHV SRVVLEOH Âľ Self is a magazine that promotes healthy living and appropriate amounts of exercise, so putting a heavily doctored photo next to a KHDGOLQH WKDW VD\V ´6OLP 'RZQ <RXU :D\Âľ LV K\SRFULWLFDO EXW XQIRUWXQDWHO\ LW¡V DOVR WKH QRUP :HEVLWHV OLNH WKH blog PhotoShopDisasters highlight bad editing jobs from advertisements, celebrity photos, and even the RFFDVLRQDO )DFHERRN SKRWR :KLOH WKH photos may be hilariously awful, they shed light on a serious ethical media SUREOHP Maybe we can do something about LW ,Q 'HFHPEHU RI 'DUWPRXWK College Professor of computer science Hany Farid and doctoral student Eric Kee created a computer program to identify photos that have been heavily UHWRXFKHG 7KLV V\VWHP LQFOXGHV rating pictures based on the amount RI HGLWLQJ WKH\ KDYH XQGHUJRQH â&#x20AC;&#x153;Such a rating may provide incentive for publishers and models to reduce some of the more extreme forms of digital retouching that are common WRGD\ Âľ )DULG ZURWH LQ KLV VWXG\ ´:H can also predict what an average REVHUYHU ZRXOG VD\ Âľ 7KLV WHFKQRORJ\ ZLOO KRSHIXOO\ KDYH D VLJQLĂ&#x20AC;FDQW LQĂ XHQFH RQ PHGLD images, but because it was so recently FUHDWHG LW LV WRR VRRQ WR WHOO 0LOG photoshopping of images may â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and probably will â&#x20AC;&#x201D; still occur, but there is D OLQH WKDW VKRXOGQ¡W EH FURVVHG 0DMRU edits that are standard for a fashion magazine should not be considered VWDQGDUG IRU HYHU\GD\ OLIH $ SHUVRQ should be able to recognize you from \RXU SLFWXUH ,W¡V WKDW VLPSOH So you want to get rid of the red eye in that otherwise perfect picture RI \RX" *R DKHDG ,W ZRXOG SUREDEO\ be weird if you didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t edit out those GHPRQ H\HV %XW SKRWRVKRSSLQJ KDV its limits, and ultimately, the bottom OLQH LV WKDW \RXU SURĂ&#x20AC;OH SLFWXUH QHHGV WR ORRN OLNH \RX _____________________________________ Chloe Wilson is a sophomore television-­ radio major who looks like her photo except for her brand spankinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; new haircut.

E-­mail her at cwilson6@ ithaca.edu.

The Perfect Press

,S[ QIHME GIRWSVWLMT WXMžIW XLI XVYXL

By Amanda Hutchinson

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Image by Daniel Sitts

FODLP WKDW WKH OHDNHG LQIRUPDWLRQ did not affect national security, the prosecution rests on the basis that Manningâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s submission of information WR WKH :LNL/HDNV ZHEVLWH DVVLVWHG WKH WHUURULVW JURXS DO 4DHGD Censorship is not limited to matters in the United States WKRXJK $EGXOHODK +DLGHU 6KD\H D <HPHQL UHSRUWHU VWDUWHG DQ investigation of the war in <HPHQ DIWHU D 'HFHPEHU DWWDFN NLOOHG DO 4DHGD PHPEHUV However, once he discovered it was a 8 6 LQLWLDWHG DWWDFN and no al-­Qaeda members ZHUH NQRZLQJO\ NLOOHG KH was sentenced because he H[SRVHG WKH OLHV LQ WKH VWRU\ %HFDXVH WKH <HPHQL JRYHUQPHQW had made up the case against him, Shaye was only sentenced to Ă&#x20AC;YH \HDUV LQ SULVRQ WKRXJK <HPHQL President Salehâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s plan to pardon him ZDV UHMHFWHG E\ WKH 8 6 JRYHUQPHQW While some may justify the punishment of these people for the greater good, the governments responsible for condemning these people are in fact just persecuting fundamentally VRXQG LQYHVWLJDWLYH MRXUQDOLVP 7KH 6WUDWIRU OHDNV KDYH UHYHDOHG what could possibly be illegal collusion EHWZHHQ WKH Ă&#x20AC;UP DQG JRYHUQPHQW agencies, and Shaye uncovered not only a lie in war reporting but also a ZDU DWURFLW\ 7KH )LUVW $PHQGPHQW LV VXSSRVHGO\ an integral part of functioning American society, yet those who expose the truth are punished for doing what they are trained and WDXJKW WR GR ,Q IDFW EHFDXVH RI WKH FRUSRUDWH LQĂ XHQFH RQ WKH PHGLD journalists are being forced to censor WKHLU RZQ ZRUN 7KLV W\SH RI VHOHFWLYH PHGLD FRYHUDJH is neither new to the United States nor XQLTXH 6NHSWLFLVP SHUVLVWHG WKURXJK the coverage of the Watergate scandal, and Daniel Ellsbergâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s release of the Pentagon Papers to The New York Times ZDV QRW XQOLNH D KLVWRULFDO SUHFXUVRU WR 0DQQLQJ¡V UHOHDVH WR :LNL/HDNV 7KH 6\GQH\ 3HDFH )RXQGDWLRQ HYHQ commended Assangeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;exceptional courage and initiative in pursuit of

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Ministry of Cool

hether or not the REWDLQPHQW DQG OHDNLQJ of information is on the FRUUHFW VLGH RI WKH ODZ DV H[HPSOLĂ&#x20AC;HG recently by the global entities of $QRQ\PRXV DQG :LNL/HDNV has EHHQ GLVSXWHG ,W VKRXOG be a concern that these groups are being targeted in a 1984-­ OLNH VW\OH EHFDXVH RI WKHLU ZRUN LQ H[SRVLQJ inside governmental LQIRUPDWLRQ A n o n y m o u s started on 4chan and expanded to the online collective we NQRZ WRGD\ ZRUNLQJ through organized yet XQLGHQWLĂ&#x20AC;HG KDFNLQJ to protest controversial governmental actions such as SOPA (Stop 2QOLQH 3LUDF\ $FW

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33

The United States of Panem

How we relate to The Hunger Games dystopia

By Kristen Tomkowid

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BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

KH 3UHVLGHQW LV QRW \RXU IULHQG He is a liar, a murderer and a W\UDQW +H VHQGV FKLOGUHQ RII WR die for nothing more than for his own SOHDVXUH +H VD\V LW LV WR WHDFK WKH SHRSOH D OHVVRQ %XW KRZ GR WKH GHDG OHDUQ" 7KH SHRSOH DUH VFDUHG EURNHQ DQG PLQGOHVV 7KH\ DUH SXSSHWV WR the citizens of the Capitol, basing their livelihoods on their whims and HPRWLRQV 7KH ULFK FRQWURO WKH SRRU DQG OHVV IRUWXQDWH 7KH PLQRULW\ WKH citizens of the Capitol, has rule over the people of Panem and can change their OLYHV LI WKH\ ZLVK %XW DUH WKH\ UHDOO\ OLYLQJ" 7KH\ KDYH QR IUHHGRPV $OO WKH\ FDQ GR LV ZRUN DQG WU\ WR VXUYLYH 7KHUH are few laughs, scarce happiness and only one game in Panem: the Hunger *DPHV 7KH PRVW H[FLWLQJ WLPH RI WKH year and perhaps the most terrifying is when 24 tributes, some as young as \HDUV ROG DUH VHQW RII WR Ă&#x20AC;JKW WR WKH GHDWK Suzanne Collins created a futuristic, dystopian world not so different than our own in her trilogy, The Hunger Games, which has just been turned LQWR D KXJH +ROO\ZRRG EORFNEXVWHU 6KH incorporated many of the problems we DUH IDFLQJ WRGD\ ZLWKLQ RXU FRXQWU\ Main character Katniss Everdeen is an average citizen of Panem from 'LVWULFW WKH FRDO PLQLQJ GLVWULFW %\ YROXQWHHULQJ WR VDYH KHU little sister,

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battle, the Capitol decided to create something to remind the citizens of Panem of their failure and never to ULVH XS DJDLQ 7ZHQW\ IRXU NLGV ZHUH FKRVHQ DW UDQGRP WR Ă&#x20AC;JKW IRU WKHLU OLYHV 7KH ORQH VXUYLYRU LV WKH YLFWRU While the totalitarian government PDNHV 3DQHP D G\VWRSLD WKH VWDWH of the Capitol is contrastingly quite XWRSLDQ (YHU\WKLQJ LV IXOO RI OLIH DQG FRORU 3HRSOH ZDQW IRU QRWKLQJ (YHU\WKLQJ LV ZLWKLQ WKHLU JUDVS Everyone in the Capitol believes what KH RU VKH LV WROG %RWK WKH SHRSOH of the Capitol and the districts are NHSW QXPEHG DQG VXEPLVVLYH E\ SURSDJDQGD 7KH\ NQRZ QRWKLQJ RI sympathy or empathy for those in the districts, so the deaths of tributes are HTXDO WR ORVLQJ D SDZQ LQ FKHVV 6LQFH WKH &DSLWRO FLWL]HQV NQRZ QRWKLQJ RI hard times and terrible deeds, they are OLYLQJ LQ LJQRUDQW EOLVV The Hunger Games trilogy is scarily similar to our times now and what we FRXOG HQG XS OLNH LQ WKH QRW VR GLVWDQW IXWXUH :H DOUHDG\ KDG RXU JODGLDWRU SKDVH EDFN LQ DQFLHQW 5RPDQ WLPHV but the Games are already a reality IRU WURRSV :H VHQG RXU PHQ WR GLH LQ some instances, for nothing more than oil or land, and we watch the nightly QHZV RI WKH Ă&#x20AC;JKWV OLNH HQWHUWDLQPHQW 7KH YLFWLPV RI ZDUIDUH DUH NHSW DW a safe distance so that we feel no UHPRUVH RU V\PSDWK\ 7KRXJK ZH FDUH about RXU VROGLHUV PDQ\ VLW EDFN passively when we have to send them to another ZDU 7KH XQMXVW V\VWHP could also be reality for us if we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t change our ZD\V Panem is the name of the country ruled by the FRUUXSW ,W LV D SODFH ZKHUH WKH UXOHUV DUH IDW DQG VDWLVĂ&#x20AC;HG and the people are starving DQG NQRFNLQJ RQ 'HDWK¡V GRRU We have to learn to appreciate things and help out those in need instead of hoarding all we have for ourselves, or we could end XS MXVW OLNH WKH &DSLWRO _____________________________________ Kristen Tomkowid is a freshman journalism major from District 13 and the odds are always in her favor. Email her at ktonow1@ithaca.edu.

Conditioned for Laziness

Dystopian fears are coming true before our eyes BySabrina Donorosso Image by Zachary Anderson

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WKH ´RUJ\ SRUJ\¾ D JURXS RI PHQ DQG women who sit around and consume VRPD D SOHDVXUH LQGXFLQJ GUXJ

7KLV H[DFW W\SH RI EHKDYLRU LV HFKRHG in the world around us with sports as a central part of our culture and SDVVLYH SOD\LQJ WKURXJK YLGHRJDPHV Huxley notably differs from Orwell LQ KLV FRQFHSWV DERXW ERRNV DQG LQIRUPDWLRQ 2UZHOO WKRXJKW WKDW WKH government would ultimately ban us from these vital sources, however Huxley foresaw a world that would KDYH QR XVH IRU ERRNV EHFDXVH WKHUH would be no one who wanted to read WKHP +X[OH\¡V SUHGLFWLRQV DUH PRUH RQ WUDFN ZLWK ZKDW LV KDSSHQLQJ LQ RXU FRXQWU\ WRGD\ (YHQ ZLWK QDWLRQDO FDPSDLJQV OLNH Read Across America WKH DPRXQW RI NLGV UHDGLQJ LQ $PHULFD KDV FOHDUO\ VHHQ D GHFOLQH In a study conducted by the National Endowment for the Arts in 2004 entitled Reading at Risk: A Survey of Literary Reading in America found that Americans in every demographic were reading considerably less than 10 or 20 years before, but the decline ZDV VWHHSHVW DPRQJ \RXQJ DGXOWV 7KH VWXG\ FRQFOXGHG WKDW WKLV ODFN of interest in literature could have serious civil, social, cultural and HFRQRPLF LPSOLFDWLRQV ,W LV EHFRPLQJ increasingly evident that teens in America are more preoccupied with WKH LQWHUQHW DQG VPDUWSKRQH DSSV 7KH UHDGLQJ WKH\ GR ODUJHO\ WHQGV WR

EH UHTXLUHG WH[WV IRU FODVV LI WKDW 5HDGLQJ SURYLGHV NLGV ZLWK VNLOOV LQ FULWLFDO WKLQNLQJ DQG ZLWKRXW WKHVH VNLOOV RXU SRSXODWLRQ ZLOO EHFRPH GHSHQGHQW WKLQNHUV RQO\ DEOH WR process what our government feeds XV Perhaps the most poignant point +X[OH\ PDNHV LV KRZ WKH FKDUDFWHUV WKURXJKRXW KLV ERRN DUH FRQWUROOHG QRW E\ LQĂ LFWLQJ SDLQ EXW E\ LQĂ LFWLQJ SOHDVXUH ,Q 1984 the all-­powerful government often resorts to painful measures to deal with perpetrators RI WKHLU VRFLHW\ +X[OH\ FUHDWHG D world where people are distracted E\ GHOLJKWIXO WKLQJV 7RGD\ ZH are constantly distracted by such WULYLDO WKLQJV :H Ă&#x20AC;OO RXU OLYHV ZLWK inconsequential behaviors and habits WKDW ZH WKLQN ZLOO PDNH XV KDSS\ RU feel good, and as a result we are not UHDOO\ ORRNLQJ DW WKH ZRUOG DURXQG XV %\ XVLQJ SOHDVXUH WR GLVWUDFW WKH masses, Huxley creates a whole new G\QDPLF RI FRQWURO :KHQ SHRSOH DUH RQO\ Ă RFNLQJ WR SOHDVXUDEOH WKLQJV they will have no idea how much they DUH UHDOO\ EHLQJ FRQWUROOHG ____________________________________ Sabrina Dorronsoro is a freshman journalism major who is claiming the right to be unhappy. Reach her at sdorron1@ithaca.edu.

Ministry of Cool

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35

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Artist:

The Shins Released March 2012

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

Port of Morrow

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36

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D )RROÂľ DUH ERWK DOEXP KLJKOLJKWV WKDW UHĂ HFW RQ IDLOHG ORYHV 6XFK VLPSOH VWUDLJKWIRUZDUG SURFODPDWLRQV DUH D FRQWUDVW IURP 7KH 6KLQV¡ WUDGHPDUNHG SROLWLFDO DQG VRFLHWDO WKHPHV RQ SUHYLRXV VRQJV OLNH ´6R 6D\V , Âľ ´6DLQW 6LPRQÂľ DQG ´6OHHSLQJ /HVVRQV Âľ %\ JRLQJ EDFN WR WKH basics with his lyrics, Mercer should be able WR EULQJ EDFN PDQ\ IRUPHU 6KLQV IDQV ZKR may have been disillusioned with the moody KD]H RI WKH EDQG¡V ODVW DOEXP 7KH ELJJHVW VXUSULVH RQ Port of Morrow is WKH MD]] LQIXVHG VKXIĂ H ´)DOO RI ¡ Âľ ZKLFK VHHV 7KH 6KLQV H[SHULPHQWLQJ ZLWK KRUQV IRU WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW WLPH ZLWK PDMRU VXFFHVV %LJ EDQG LQVWUXPHQWDWLRQV FDQ VRXQG OLNH D FKHDS JLPPLFN LI WKH\¡UH QRW DSSOLHG FRUUHFWO\ EXW 7KH 6KLQV DFFHQWXDWH WKH SRZHU RI WKH WUXPSHWV DQG VD[RSKRQHV OLNH MD]] SURV ,W¡V KDUG WR IDWKRP WKLV EDQG PDNLQJ such a triumphant return after so much time off â&#x20AC;&#x201D; especially after the dismissal of WKUHH RULJLQDO PHPEHUV LQ +RZHYHU Mercerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time with musician/producer Danger Mouse on the exceedingly successful %URNHQ %HOOV SURMHFW VHHPV WR KDYH LQMHFWHG new passion into both the frontmanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s vocals DQG VRQJZULWLQJ FUDIW :LWK Port of Morrow, 7KH 6KLQV DQG WKHLU QHZ HQVHPEOH KDYH repositioned themselves to be among indie URFN¡V PRVW UHYHUHG EDQGV RQFH DJDLQ -­ Matt Kelly

Settle Down

Artist:

Julia Nunes Released February 2012

7KH PXVLF LQGXVWU\ LV FKDQJLQJ GUDVWLFDOO\ HYHU\ GD\ EXW -XOLD 1XQHV KDV IRXQG WKH NH\ to success despite it all with her fourth album Settle Down 1XQHV JRW KHU VWDUW PDNLQJ YLGHRV RQ <RXWXEH ZKHUH VKH TXLFNO\ JDUQHUHG D dedicated following that would eventually OHDG XS WR KHU PRVW SURIHVVLRQDO DOEXP VR IDU Settle Down will be the album to grab even more listeners, especially after Nunesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; recent appearance on Conan, barefoot and playing her QHZ VRQJ ´6WD\ $ZDNHÂľ Although sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gaining more attention lately for her original, refreshing songwriting, sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s released four albums prior to Settle Down +HU Ă&#x20AC;UVW DOEXP Left Right Wrong, was released in IROORZHG E\ I Wrote These, an EP entitled I Think You Know DQG DQ DOEXP RI FRYHUV 1XQHV QRZ VWDUWHG RII PRGHVWO\ RQ <RXWXEH E\ SOD\LQJ FRYHUV RI HYHU\WKLQJ IURP ´-HVXV :DONVÂľ WR ´%XLOG 0H 8S %XWWHUFXSÂľ RQ KHU JXLWDU DQG XNXOHOH LQ KHU 6NLGPRUH GRUP URRP $FRXVWLF covers mixed with her signature charm and humor soon led to videos of her own original VRQJV ORRN XS WKH RULJLQDO YLGHRV IRU ´,QWR WKH 6XQVKLQHÂľ DQG ´0D\EH , :LOOÂľ +HU YLGHRV NQRZQ IRU WKHLU LQWULFDWH OD\HULQJ RI KDUPRQLHV and various instruments, got the attention of %HQ )ROGV ZKR SHUVRQDOO\ DVNHG KHU WR RSHQ IRU KLP LQ FRQFHUW LQ 7KLV JLJ OHG KHU WR SOD\ DW %RQQDURR LQ DQG WRXULQJ WKH 8 6 ZLWK PXVLFLDQ %HQ .ZHOOHU 6KH QRZ KDV PRUH WKDQ VXEVFULEHUV RQ KHU <RXWXEH FKDQQHO but hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t lost touch with her fans or quality of KHU PXVLF $ORQJ ZLWK <RXWXEH KHU .LFNVWDUWHU FDPSDLJQ entitled â&#x20AC;&#x153;Julia Nunes would be nothing without PHÂľ KHOSHG 1XQHV UDLVH ODVW \HDU Âł D bit more than her $15,000 goal â&#x20AC;&#x201D; allowing her WR UHFRUG KHU VRQJV SURIHVVLRQDOO\ LQ D VWXGLR Settle Down ZLOO PDUN KHU Ă&#x20AC;UVW DOEXP RQ D UHDO ODEHO +HU SUHYLRXV DOEXPV ZHUH UHOHDVHG RQ WKH ODEHO VKH IRXQGHG FDOOHG 5XGH %XWOHU 5HFRUGV In the months leading up to the release of the new album, Nunes made short videos to accompany the vignette songs on the album and RWKHU YDULRXV FRYHUV WR NHHS KHU GHYRWHG IDQV KDSS\ 7KH .LFNVWDUWHU FDPSDLJQ ZDV D KXJH

success and the new album is proof, with the Ă&#x20AC;QDO UHVXOWV EHLQJ WKH EHVW TXDOLW\ PXVLF VKH KDV HYHU PDGH 2OG DQG QHZ IDQV DOLNH ZLOO HQMR\ UHPDVWHUHG YHUVLRQV RI ´2GG Âľ ´&RPDWRVH Âľ ´0D\EH , :LOO Âľ ´%DOORRQVÂľ DQG PRUH 6KH¡V PDQDJHG WR LPSURYH KHU ROGHU ZRUN DQG WLJKWHQ XS KHU VRXQG ZLWKRXW VDFULĂ&#x20AC;FLQJ KHU XQLTXH VW\OH Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s clear from what she chose to include on WKH DOEXP WKDW VKH KDV JURZQ IURP KHU Ă&#x20AC;UVW %HDFK %R\V FRYHU RQ <RXWXEH +HU O\ULFV DUH simple and honest, yet she has a song for every indescribable mood you may be in (not to PHQWLRQ HYHU\ SDUW RI D UHODWLRQVKLS +HU PXVLF UHIXVHV WR Ă&#x20AC;W LQWR WKH PRGHUQ FRQĂ&#x20AC;QHV RI SRS RU LQGLH URFN (YHU\WKLQJ DERXW KHU DQG KHU PXVLF GHĂ&#x20AC;HV PRGHUQ ODEHOV DQG GHĂ&#x20AC;QLWLRQV ,Q ´&RPDWRVHÂľ VKH EHOWV RXW ´, GRQ¡W UHDOO\ NQRZ LI ,¡P O\LQJ WR \RX RU KLGLQJ WKH WUXWK IURP P\VHOIÂľ DQG LQ WKH VDPH EUHDWK ´\RX GHVHUYH WR IHHO GXPE LI \RX WKRXJKW , ZDV VRPHERG\ HOVHÂľ ´0D\EH , :LOO Âľ RQ WKH RWKHU KDQG LV D G\QDPLF DQG RSWLPLVWLF WUDFN DERXW WDNLQJ ULVNV LQ ORYH ZKLOH ´%DOORRQVÂľ VKRZV RII D SRLJQDQW more nostalgic side of Nunes that longs for a ORVW IULHQGVKLS DQG IDUDZD\ WLPH $QRWKHU QHZ VWDQG RXW WUDFN RQ Settle Down ´1RWKLQJ¡V 7KDW *UHDW Âľ LV VWLOO FDWFK\ ZKLOH ZDUQLQJ OLVWHQHUV not to waste their best years â&#x20AC;&#x153;trying to pass for WZHQW\ RQH Âľ Settle Down is a mix of old and new ZLWK YLJQHWWHV OLNH ´+H ,V 0DGÂľ DQG ´3L]]DÂľ interspersed as reminders that despite her incredible talent and increasing fame, sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s still DV OLJKW KHDUWHG DQG HDUQHVW DV HYHU $OWKRXJK she might not have planned it, her journey IURP <RXWXEH WR Settle Down will stand out as an example for other independent artists who GRQ¡W ZDQW WR VDFULĂ&#x20AC;FH WKHLU PXVLF WR D ELJ ODEHO -XOLD 1XQHV LV RQ WKH FXVS RI VRPHWKLQJ JUHDW 6KH¡V WDNHQ WKH SDWK OHVV WUDYHOHG WR SURGXFH her exciting new album and promises to be a VRXUFH RI IUHVK PXVLF LQ \HDUV WR FRPH -­Mariana Garces

Ministry of Cool

37

It Was Something.

It was Nothing.

By Anonymous

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

W

KHQ \RX¡UH DQG SODQQLQJ \RXU Ă&#x20AC;UVW LQWHUQDWLRQDO vacation without your parents, alongside your best gal pal, your priorities generally lie in three areas: boys with accents, getting lost, and boys with accents helping you ZKHQ \RX JHW ORVW For me, this basic list was a little bit altered as it ran in circles through my head while I was sifting through maps of Granada, Spain and emailing P\ FUD]\ KRVW PRP 3DTXL , ZDV JRLQJ WR WKH VH[ FDSLWRO RI (XURSH WR WDNH music lessons from a Spanish man LQ WKH ZRUOG¡V VH[LHVW DUW IRUP +DOI RI me would pray at night that my tutor ZRXOG EH D WDOO GDUN DQG KDQGVRPH man of about 25 years old who would seduce me with his worldly charm DQG OXVFLRXVO\ EURNHQ (QJOLVK 7KH RWKHU KDOI KRZHYHU ZDV WHUULĂ&#x20AC;HG WKDW he really would EH WDOO GDUN DQG handsome, and that I would somehow HQG XS GUXQN QDNHG DQG GH Ă RZHUHG LQ D VWUDQJH IRUHLJQ PDQ¡V EHG ´%LHQYHQLGR Âľ , KHDUG RWKHU WRXULVWV VKRXW LQ P\ Ă&#x20AC;UVW IHZ KRXUV LQ 6SDLQ but I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t focus on any of them; in the corner, hunched over in a ULFNHW\ ZRRGHQ FKDLU ZDV P\ 0U 7DOO'DUNDQG+DQGVRPH He introduced himself in Spanish DQG EHJDQ WKH OHVVRQ ,W ZDV FOHDU from the get-­go that he was a little bit excited by the fact that he had a young, pretty girl in one of his classes, which are usually dominated E\ PLGGOH DJHG PHQ IURP 7H[DV RU /RQGRQ $OO KH QHHGHG ZDV DQ RSHQLQJ He invited me to go shopping for a new instrument, and the excursion WXUQHG LQWR GLQQHU DQG GDQFLQJ 7KH IHVWLYLWLHV ODVWHG XQWLO WKH ZDUP

38

VXQ SHDNHG RYHU WKH KLOOV DQG , KDOI strolled, half waltzed in his arms all WKH ZD\ XS WKH KLOO WR KLV KRPH His bed sheets, long hair and eyes ZHUH EODFN +LV QDLOV ZHUH ORQJ DQG WKH\ WLFNOHG DJDLQVW P\ QDYHO , KDG never been touched with so much SDVVLRQ ,W PDGH P\ WRHV WLQJOH XQWLO WKH\ ZHQW QXPE +H ZRXOG whisper foreign words into the small LQGHQWDWLRQV RI P\ ORZHU EDFN DQG WKH\ VRXQGHG VR PXFK OLNH ORYH WKDW , WKRXJKW , KDG IRXQG LW %XW ZKHQ WKH PRPHQW FDPH OLNH , NQHZ LW ZRXOG when I had to choose what I wanted, I NQHZ WKDW LW ZDVQ¡W WLPH , WROG KLP WKDW , ZDV WKDW , ZDV D YLUJLQ DQG WKDW , ZDV QRW UHDG\ $QG VR KH ZUDSSHG PH XS LQ KLV EODFN VKHHWV DQG , VOHSW EODQNHWHG LQ WKH NQRZOHGJH WKDW , ZDV smart, that I was of strong will, and WKDW KH ZDQWHG PH 7ZR ZHHNV ODWHU , OHIW , OHIW 6SDLQ , OHIW 3DTXL , OHIW WKH GDUN EDUV ZKHUH I had gotten lost, and I left the man ZLWK WKH DFFHQW ZKR KDG KHOSHG PH %XW , GR QRW GHDO ZHOO ZLWK IDQWDVLHV DQG , NQHZ WKDW P\ PHPRULHV FRXOG QRW VDWLVI\ P\ FUDYLQJ IRU UHDO OLIH +H ZRXOG VHQG PH HPDLOV KH ZRXOG FDOO I pasted a story together in my head WKDW VDLG WKDW KH ZRXOG FRPH DQG Ă&#x20AC;QG PH ZKHQ WKH WLPH ZDV ULJKW %XW VWRULHV KDYH D ZD\ RI EUHDNLQJ KHDUWV 7KH QH[W WLPH WKDW , VDZ KLP , was 19, surrounded by the bustle of a city that was much more familiar to me and much less romantic: New <RUN 7KHUH KH ZDV VWDQGLQJ LQ WKH dim light of Penn Station, waiting for PH +H VZHSW PH WKURXJK DQRWKHU wonderfully intoxicating day on the waves of his lilting English and the VRIW JUD]H RI KLV Ă&#x20AC;QJHUV DORQJ P\

EDFN 1LJKW FDPH I had abandoned the fears of purity VRPH WLPH DJR 7KH KRWHO URRP ZDV VPDOOHU EXW WKH PDQ ZDV WKH VDPH His hands were big enough to wrap around my waist and still have his Ă&#x20AC;QJHUV WRXFK +LV KDLU ZDV VOLJKWO\ longer now, and it grazed the inside RI P\ HDUV DV KH EHQW WR NLVV PH +H had the strength of a man who had seen the world and had forced it to IDOO LQ ORYH ZLWK KLP +H KDG WKH SRZHU to do with me whatever he wanted, and I had never felt safer â&#x20AC;&#x201D; or more WHUULĂ&#x20AC;HG Âł LQ P\ OLIH 7KH QLJKW WXUQHG into dawn, and my shoulder blades, NQHHV DQG KHDUW FRQYXOVHG XQWLO , FRXOG QR ORQJHU IHHO WKHP 0\ SRUHV VZHDWHG XQWLO WKH\ ZHUH HPSW\ , KDG turned my memories into a reality that pressed down with the gravity of D ¡ ¡¡ PDQ O\LQJ RQ P\ FKHVW Sometimes, realities have an even VKDUSHU ZD\ RI EUHDNLQJ \RXU KHDUW WKDQ VWRULHV GR +H KDG RSHQHG P\ eyes to a utopia of passion that had only existed in movies, music, and LPDJLQDWLRQ +H KDG EHHQ UHVLGLQJ LQ WKDW ZRUOG IRU \HDUV +H NQHZ QRWKLQJ other than that world, and so to him, , ZDV QRWKLQJ VKRUW RI GLVSRVDEOH +H had promised me beautiful things in the hushed morning hours as ours ERGLHV GDQFHG +H KDG OHIW PH RQ D KLJK He didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ignore me, which probably ZRXOG KDYH KXUW OHVV ,QVWHDG KH FRQWLQXHG WKH OLH XQWLO WKH Ă&#x20AC;QDO moment, when all of my plans had EHHQ SXW LQ SODFH WR VHH KLP DJDLQ 7KHQ KH OHIW +H WROG PH WKDW KH GLGQ¡W want me anymore, and he tossed me RII OLNH WKH KD]\ DIWHUWKRXJKW RI D GUXQNHQ QLJKW ,W ZDV QRWKLQJ

Prose & Cons

CONS. PROSE&CONS. PROSE

39

Finding the Universe

By Garen Whitmore

*Dedicated to Maxwell Benjamin Mandeville While peering about a familiar landscape in my mind, strolling down a well-trodâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; path, all that I seem to see are road signs labeled â&#x20AC;&#x153;You.â&#x20AC;?

Along the thoroughfare, I understand why.

The countryside in my head is interspersed with golden houses LQ D Ă&#x20AC;HOG RI Ă D[HQ ZKHDW Below the meadow lie two Identical pools of the most emerald-thick blues I have ever seen.

The hillside between, running South, has a single peak, Majestic, and softly, sharply rounded downward Three slopes, though; one high and proud in the middle, and two shorter, round hills with caves beside.

Below Majesticâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s drop-off there is a pale U-shaped valley, and at the end of that, the small peaks of another vale made of the softest, ruddiest, most tender clay.

7KH Ă&#x20AC;UVW KLOO UXQV ERZHG DQG SOXPS into its more voluminous twin, and sometimes these two curved mesas separate; plates of the Earth, come apart to reveal its soul.

After the edge of this beautiful, pliable land, there is another slope. A handsome pastel plain rolls away from it and eventually comes to a squared, downward halt.

Past this plain is majesty; with circular galaxies expanding and coming to life, stars exploding, and nebulae that make me gasp in awe.

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

You are a wonder to me; from the familiar planes of your face, to the lush discoveries that come from exploring your beauty anew each day.

Your golden hair, your blue-green eyes, that button nose, and a pink pair of lips that defy the strong chin they stand above. <RXU VXOWU\ ERG\ IXOO RI JRUJHRXV VHFUHWV IRU PH WR Ă&#x20AC;QG /LNH WKH XQLYHUVH DW P\ Ă&#x20AC;QJHUWLSV in Love with every new embrace.

And all of it, the stars and ground, contains a core so striking. An awe-inspiring spirit, never giving up your Identity, always holding on to a rare, raw intellect.

40

A Formal Resignation

By Jenni Zellnner 8LIVI EVI KVIEXIV XLMRKW MR PMJI XLER GSQTVSQMWMRK SRIWIPJ JSV XLI WEOI SJ TIXX] LERH LSPHMRK SV MRWXMXYXMSREPM^IH YRMSRW - [EWR´X EGXMZIP] PSSOMRK FYX EGXMZIP] VYRRMRK ° JVSQ ]SY ERH LMQ ERH EPP Q] SXLIV TEWX QMWXEOIW =SY FIMRK XLI QSWX VIGIRX ° EVI XLI /MRK SJ ,IEVXW EXST E TVIGEVMSYW GEVH XS[IV =SY TEVXMGMTEXIH MR MX´W HIQSPMXMSR %RH WS [MXL ]SY [IWX FSYRH ERH LMQ FSYRH JSV RS[LIVI - KMZI YT SR XLSWI GLMPHMWL LSTIW JSV PMJI PSRK GSQTERMSRWLMT 8LI WXVYKKPI XS QEMRXEMR STXMQMWQ [EW JEV XSS XE\MRK 2SV [EW MX VI[EVHMRK %RH WS PMOI EP[E]W - [MPP TVSGIIH &YX XLI [MPXIH HMWGSPSVIH LERHJYP SJ ¾IWL XLEX LEW TMXMJYPP] WSYKLX GSQJSVX XLMW [E] ERH XLEX [MPP FI RSXMGIEFP] EFWIRX 1] LIEVX WLETIH FS\ SVREQIRXIH PMOI E GEPEZIVE HI E^ GEV [MPP KPIEQ MR MXW WXIEH ° VI¾IGXMRK E QEGEFVI ERH GEPGYPEXIH FIEYX] XLEX [MPP QEWO XLI EFWIRGI SJ WSQIXLMRK VIEP FIRIEXL - HSR´X [ERX ZEPIRXMRIW - [ERX TEGI QEOIVW %RH - HSR´X [ERX PSZIVW - [ERX TSIXV] - [ERX JIIPMRKW XLEX GSQI MR XL GIRXYV] GSYTPIXW ERH - [ERX ]SYV LERHW ERH ]SYV QMRH XS FSXL FI VIEGLMRK JSV XLI WEQI XLMRK ° WSQIXLMRK KIRYMRI &IGEYWI EX XLI FSXXSQ SJ XLMW VEFFMX LSPI SJ MRXMQEG] EXXVEGXMSR MW WI\ ERH WI\ MW TS[IV ERH TS[IV MRHYGIW MRJIVMSVMX] -´ZI FIIR VSPPMRK XLI HMGI ERH WOMTTMRK HS[R XLI FVMKLXP] GSPSVIH WUYEVIW SJ XLMW WMPP] PSZI XLIQIH KEQI FSEVH SRP] XS FI WIRX FEGO XS FIH XS NEMP XS LSQI XS XLI GSRWIVZEXSV] XS PMQFS XS TYVKEXSV] 'SRWMHIV XLMW Q] HIGPEVEXMSR SJ FEROVYTXG] JSVJIMXYVI ERH VIWMKREXMSR (EHH] HEHH] -´Q XLVSYKL

Trapped in the Tain

By Melissa Shutter

41

Prose & Cons

6I¾IGXIH LIVWIPJ WLI WXEVIW MRXS XLI KPEWW ½RHMRK LIVWIPJ EW XVERWTEVIRX EW MXW WYVJEGI LIV ¾E[W KPEVI FEGO EX LIV VIZIEPIH JVII JVSQ STTVIWWMSR ,IV JEGI FIEVW RS WQMPI FYX XLI HIIT [VMROPIW FIWMHI LIV PMTW EVI ZMWMFPI WXMPP GER]SRW XLEX EVI VI¾IGXIH FIWMHI XLI WLEPPS[RIWW SJ LIV KVIIR KE^I XLEX PSRKW XS FI FPYI XLI [EZIW SJ LEMV XLEX EVI H]MRK XS FI LYRK WXVEMKLX XLI WPSTMRK TSMRX SJ E RSWI [MWLMRK XS VIGIHI JYVXLIV MRXS LIV QMVVSVIH TVS½PI 7LI WMXW FIJSVI XLI ZERMX] LSQI XS XLI GSWQIXMG VIWMHYIW ERH WIHEXMRK QIHMGMRIW XLEX WLI GSYRXW SR XS FVMKLXIR LIV GLIIOW ¯ TEPI EW WMPIRGI ¯ [MXL NS]JYP GSPSVW SJ QEWUYIVEHI 7LI TEMRXW SR LIV QEWO SJ WIPJ EGGITXERGI FPYWLIW SJ WEXMWJEGXMSR ETTPMIH F] XLI WSJX WXVSOIW SJ LIV FVYWL YRXMP XLI WTSXW FVS[R EW XLI 6MS [EXIVW XLEX IQTX] MRXS XLI KYPJ JEHI E[E] XLI JVIGOPIH GSRWXIPPEXMSRW RS PSRKIV HMVX]MRK LIV GLMR RSV ¾IGOMRK LIV RIGO 7LI GSPSVW LIV PMTW VIH ,IV EVXJYPP] QEHI YT I]IW RS[ WXEVI HIITIV MRXS XLI KPEWW ½RHMRK ER IRHPIWW XYRRIP FIJSVI LIV E WIEPIH YT GYFI XLEX GPSWIW LIV MR ERH WLEGOPIW LIV XS JIIPMRKW SJ LSTIPIWWRIWW ERH LYVX [LMGL EVI FYVMIH HIIT FIRIEXL LIV ¾EWL SJ FPMRHMRK XIIXL 7LI WIIW LIV S[R GEWX SYX HIQSRW XLI ¾E[W XLEX TPEKYI XLI I\MWXIRGI SJ QEROMRH XLI FEWXEVHM^IH XVSYFEHSYVW XLEX WMRK WSRKW SJ ]IEVRMRK XLI VIEPMX] XLEX MW VIZIEPIH F] SRI JEPPIR XIEV ¯ E FPIQMWL SR XLI QEHI YT JEGI SJ TVIXIRH TIVJIGXMSR E WXEMR SR XLI LIEVX SJ E LSTIPIWW [ERHIVIV E WLEVT WLEVH SJ XEMRXIH KPEWW XLEX HMKW ERH GYXW E[E] [LEX WLI VIJYWIW XS WII LIVWIPJ VI¾IGXIH

42

DUST. SAWDUST. SAWDU

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

New Obama Appointee Leads to Disney Invasion

Bob Iger takes his role of â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Czar of American Idealismâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; a little too literally

By Catherine Fisher

A

Image by Layan Bitar

course thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s always breakfast with Mickey, but you need to give up your Ă&#x20AC;UVW ERUQ FKLOG IRU WKDW DQG VKRZ proof of American citizenship.â&#x20AC;?

Aside from instating a nation-­wide monorail and re-­naming the Pentagon â&#x20AC;&#x153;Space Mountain,â&#x20AC;? Americans are noticing that the biggest difference since Disneyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s takeover are not the kitschy gimmicks but rather the ungodly long lines for everything.

New Hampshire resident Laura Lincroft stated, â&#x20AC;&#x153;As much as I enjoy seeing the Secret Service dressed up as Goofy or Tigger, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like it better if going to the ATM wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t a day-­long excursion.â&#x20AC;? She continued: â&#x20AC;&#x153;I mean, I could always take out a second mortgage and get a Fastpass but Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m saving that for something really important, like the iPad 3.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I can deal with the lines,â&#x20AC;? D.C resident Duke Laur said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s that goddamn parade every night that kills me. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get me wrong â&#x20AC;&#x201D; it ZDV FXWH WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW GD\V EXW FRPH on, a dude has a right to sulk over his unemployment without hearing â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;When you wish upon a starâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; blaring through your window. Like, rub it in more why donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you?â&#x20AC;?

Disney executives have stated that even though Operation: Disney Cruise Line applied to citizens of all ages, they havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t forgotten itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the children that are the heart of

their corporation â&#x20AC;&#x201D; them and their ability to drive their parents into debt for a one-­of-­a-­kind Tinkerbell Tea Cup set.

Iger and Co. have therefore PRGLĂ&#x20AC;HG %XVK¡V 1R &KLOG /HIW %HKLQG Act by sending talent recruiters to pre-­K and elementary schools QDWLRQZLGH LQ RUGHU WR Ă&#x20AC;QG DQ\ promising kid who expresses an overpowering desire for attention or can be auto-­tuned so they can ideally hit teen star sensation before their voice cracks. After parents admitted to being skeptical of the program, Disney announced that any child picked would also get compensation for future psychiatric, marital and rehab costs.

Several citizens have written to the president, urging him to halt the action, but Obama conveniently â&#x20AC;&#x153;lostâ&#x20AC;? the majority of emails after moving into his new home at Cinderellaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Castle. Only after Gingrich publicly denounced Obama did he send a public response that said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;My fellow Americans, I understand your concerns; unfortunately, my presidential duties are tied up in determining which simulation ride should be updated â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Honey, I Shrunk the Kids or A Bugâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Life. I ask that all future questions be addressed to the Mousketmen â&#x20AC;&#x201D; I mean, Congress â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the Congressmen.â&#x20AC;?

Though the Disney Invasion has hit some bumps, one thing global leaders across the world can support is the much-­awaited destruction of Guantanamo Bay. Future terrorists will now be subject to riding the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a Small Worldâ&#x20AC;? ride until the end of eternity, which many agree is a much harsher punishment. ______________________________ Catherine Fisher is a junior cinema and photography major who would rather go to Universal. Email her at FĂ&#x20AC;VKHU #LWKDFD HGX

Sawdust

fter being particularly blown away by Beauty and the Beast in 3-­D, President Obama appointed Disney CEO Bob Iger as Czar of American Idealism in order to maximize national happiness and make America a better place. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Who doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get all warm and fuzzy when theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re in the Magic Kingdom? No Americans, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s for sure,â&#x20AC;? Obama stated during a press conference. â&#x20AC;&#x153;With Disney in control of aiding the emotional welfare of our society, hopefully America can become the utopia it used to be back when Steamboat Willie was around.

Plus, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to do a shit ton for my popularity.â&#x20AC;?

What Obama didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t account for, however, was that Iger misinterpreted the presidentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s motion as giving him the green light for a long awaited Disney invasion, code-­named â&#x20AC;&#x153;Operation: Disney Cruise Line,â&#x20AC;? named after the overpriced vacation his parents couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t afford when he was a kid.

Since being appointed to the position last Tuesday, Iger has made the Walt Disney Corporation prevalent across the nation, replacing hood ornaments with Mickey ears and even abolishing all grocery stores, building food courts in their place â&#x20AC;&#x201D; complete with souvenir cups available for purchase. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We have them in all our theme parks,â&#x20AC;? Iger said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What more do Americans want than bland Chinese food, burgers and crappy pizza?

O f

43

Siri Unable to Hide Support for Ron Paul M4LSRI YWIVW ½RHMRK JEYPX [MXL WQEVX TLSRI ETT

By Katie Talay

i

Phone users are coming out in droves to complain about the phoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new information app, Siri.

6SHFLĂ&#x20AC;FDOO\ WKDW LW¡V EHFRPLQJ PRUH and more apparent that the service is a staunch supporter of Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul.

Apple, Inc. CEO Tim Cook has stated many times that Siri is not sentient and therefore unable to have feelings about a candidate. â&#x20AC;&#x153;If she could, Siri would probably favor Mitt anyway,â&#x20AC;? Cook added.

Despite this, recently-­discovered customer interactions suggest otherwise. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Find a libraryâ&#x20AC;?

-­No Siri, l-­i-­b-­r-­a-­r-­y.

-­Siri, should I get a dog?

-­No, fuck you Siri!

-­How much does Turbo Tax cost?

-­God dammit Siri! Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a registered Democrat!

-­Siri, how do you spell â&#x20AC;&#x153;paradiseâ&#x20AC;??

-­You need to cool it.

Supporters and opponents of Paul have been complaining by the thousands about this behavior. Kevin Duarte of New Brunswick, GA already LGHQWLĂ&#x20AC;HV KLPVHOI DV D 3DXO VXSSRUWHU and has found Siri still continues to preach. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I mean, I actually like Ron Paul, mostly because the only thing I hate more than taxes is the government,â&#x20AC;?

Duarte said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;But the other night I was pretty baked and just wanted to get directions to Taco Bell, and Siri wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t shut up about how Ron Paul would turn America into a borderline utopia that would far surpass any Crunchwrap Supreme. It kinda killed my buzz.â&#x20AC;?

One opponent of Ron Paul, Teresa

Arnold, also complained about the apparent glitch. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know how many times I have to favorite stuff on NPR before Siri gets the hint,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;No matter how many times Siri puts the words â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;libertarian,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;idealâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; or â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;gun rightsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; in my games of Words with Friends, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m voting for Obama.â&#x20AC;?

Siriâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s behavior has been particularly DQQR\LQJ WR VSRLOHG \HDU ROGV ZKR have no idea who Ron Paul is and just want to make Siri say the word â&#x20AC;&#x153;boobâ&#x20AC;? over and over.

Despite these reports, the individual affected most by Siriâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Ron Paul obsession is by far fellow Republican candidate, Rick Perry, who has allegedly experienced actions that can only be described as trolling.

Aides claim that whenever Perry asks Siri to look up a phone number, she either gives him the number for the â&#x20AC;&#x153;Rejection Hotlineâ&#x20AC;? or a number with six digits. Perry also reports being late to a speech earlier this month because, instead of giving him directions to the school he was scheduled for, Siri gave the Congressman directions to the taping of The Ellen Degeneres Show.

In related news, the Illinois Board of (OHFWLRQV KDV UHSRUWHG YRWHUV UHJLVWHUHG \HVWHUGD\ ZLWK WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW name â&#x20AC;&#x153;Siri.â&#x20AC;? ____________________________________ Katie Talay is a sophomore TV-­R major who just wanted to know the best place to bury a body. Email her at

Opinion: Greetings from Nepal

By Sarah Kasulke

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

H

ey guys! Adot Balaji here, just checking in from sunny Nepal.

The Himalayas are beautiful this time of year and the yaksâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; melodic grunting echoes through the valleys like music. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just beautiful, really.

How are you guys? I heard some stuff was going on in Libya or Syria orâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;that whole area. Still using those â&#x20AC;&#x153;gunâ&#x20AC;? things on each other, I see.

Thought you wouldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve learnedâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;no, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cool, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cool. And the Sudan? You sorted that out already, right? No? Holy Cow (literally!). Have you guys actually seen the Sudan? You said that would never happen again. Maybe you guys should check out Nepal sometime. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re doing pretty great in my opinion. I mean, we meditate a bunch, which is super relaxing. Then

44

thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the laser vision, and thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pretty nifty.

Oh, you guys donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have laser vision? Weird. Maybe you should turn off What Not To Wear sometime and focus on actually doing something SURGXFWLYH EHVLGHV VWXIĂ&#x20AC;QJ PRUH EDUEHTXH FKLSV LQ \RXU IDW Ă HVK\ faces.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m sorry. I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mean that. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just, you know, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve all been able WR OHYLWDWH VLQFH ¡ 1R QRW $ IHZ \HDUV DIWHU ZH EHFDPH a nation. But seriously guys, have you even been paying attention to the Palestinians recently? Come on.

Forgive me, but you westerners are acting like total jerk-­faces.

Alright, that language was uncalled

for. It just gets me so heated that youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re still dealing with slavery and starvation, while last week my buddy Lok created enough bread to feed his village for a week just by touching his toes together and humming. And Lok doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even own a TV. Do you get where Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m coming from here?

Whatever. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll just be over here, in Nepal, levitating among the yaks until we die of natural causes at an average DJH RI 1RW WR EUDJ EXW ZH¡YH KDG RXU VKLW Ă&#x20AC;JXUHG RXW IRU D ZKLOH KHUH bros. Maybe itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time you got the fuck on board. ____________________________________ *Sarah Kasulke is a senior TV-­R major who is going to grad school in Nepal for underwater breathing. Email her at VNDVXON #LWKDFD HGX

Garden of Eden Discovered Behind Nudist Compost

By Patrick Feeney

S

ources have reported that American archaeologist, Adam Cain, has discovered the lost Garden of Eden within the compost piles of the Lâches des Mamelons nudist colony in Monaco.

Cain, who teaches archaeology and kitchen economics at Devry University, said he was originally in the French Riviera to study the â&#x20AC;&#x153;his-­ torical attributesâ&#x20AC;? of the area and its nudist colonies. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I had been staying at the Lâches des Mamelons for over three months, trying to uncover the deeper story be-­ hind this magical place,â&#x20AC;? Cain said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The area is known for, as the French say, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;melonis grandis,â&#x20AC;&#x2122; so I believed this would the best place to look for, you know, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;artifacts.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;â&#x20AC;?

Cain had reportedly been looking through the compost piles when he made this revolutionary discovery.

An onlooker, Beatrice LaBout, re-­ called the event. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I was sitting on the beach, trying to ignore the hairy American connard staring at my body,â&#x20AC;? LaBout said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;He was picking through our com-­ post, doing hell knows what, when all of a sudden he started prancing like some monsieur who had drunk a little too m u c h

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Easter Mass this year is going to be epic â&#x20AC;&#x201C; like itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gonna blow Mosesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; parting of the Red Sea out of the wa-­ ter.â&#x20AC;?

To keep with the biblical nature of the garden, some patrons (spe-­ FLĂ&#x20AC;FDOO\ WKH HOGHUO\ KDYH UHSRUWHGO\ PRGLĂ&#x20AC;HG WKHLU GUHVV FRGH Âł RU UDWK-­ er, lack there of. Upon seeing that many of the older monks and nuns have let it loose and gone nude, the original nudist colony has actually Ă RFNHG DZD\ IURP WKHLU ROG FRORQ\ The French government is consider-­ ing drafting a mandate to ban nudity in the garden because it is â&#x20AC;&#x153;obscene.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s awful,â&#x20AC;? LaBout said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re all wrinkly and thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not something people want to see, especially in the nude.â&#x20AC;?

Among Christianity, mass con-­ sumerism, and nudity, a group of Rastafarians have also settled in the Garden to look for signs of the plant their denomination holds sacred.

Joe Green, a Rastafarian from Hoboken, NJ, cut his visit short in Amsterdam in order to plant some â&#x20AC;&#x153;herbal enhancementâ&#x20AC;? within the Garden. Green said the presence of marijuana in the Garden would per-­ haps lead to the total legalization â&#x20AC;&#x201D; and de-­stigmatization â&#x20AC;&#x201D; of the plant. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Me and my classmates at Prince-­ ton (Community College) understand Christianity is based around certain base principles,â&#x20AC;? Green said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dis-­ covering weed would change those base principles of Christianity to-­ wards a pro-­herb stance. One love.â&#x20AC;?

Despite all that has gone on in the SDVW KRXUV RQH WKLQJ¡V IRU VXUH Cainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s discovery has brought him worldwide fame. He has already sold book and movie rights, will be ap-­ pearing on next seasonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dancing with the Starsâ&#x20AC;? and has been offered a position as the head of the Archae-­ ology department at the University of Phoenixâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s online program. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve always thought that the in-­ ternet is the best tool for archaeolo-­ gists,â&#x20AC;? Cain said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;All the shovels, brushes, and Rosetta Stones in the world canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t replace Mozilla Firefox.â&#x20AC;? ___________________________________ Patrick Feeney is a sophomore jour-­ nalism and politics major who is vis-­ iting Eden in his best birthday suit.

(PDLO KLP DW SIHHQH\ #LWKDFD HGX

45

Sawdust

Image by Daniel Sitts

absinthe. Naturally, I called the po-­ lice.â&#x20AC;?

Since yesterdayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s discovery, ar-­ chaeologists, religious pilgrims and nudists from around the world have travelled to the Garden and con-­ Ă&#x20AC;UPHG WKDW LW ORRNV PXFK OLNH KRZ LW LV GHVFULEHG LQ WKH %LEOH Ă&#x20AC;OOHG ZLWK ´JUDVVHV JUDSHV PLON DQG Ă&#x20AC;QH Ă&#x20AC;QH hunnies.â&#x20AC;?

Sources have also noted, however, that the Garden has accumulated massive overgrowth of palms and leaves, â&#x20AC;&#x153;so many grapes that many are stepped upon,â&#x20AC;? as Cain has not-­ ed, that and a mass of biodegradable feminine hygiene products that have found their way from the compost pile into the promised land.

Efforts from the French govern-­ ment have already been made to tame Eden, with forestry groups al-­ ready starting to cut back some of the overgrowth, and Riviera wine-­ makers harvesting the grapes to PDNH Ă&#x20AC;QH &DEHUQHW 6DXYLJQRQ Ownership of the Garden has also been in dispute with the own-­ er of Lâches des Mamelons, Pierre LaFrançais of Sandals Resorts Inc. and various golf club owners in Southern France arguing over how the area should be marketed. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve owned this land for twenty Ă&#x20AC;YH \HDUV Âľ /D)UDQoDLV VDLG ´,W¡V my land, and I should own it, religious consequences be damned.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;We thought this would be the best place to put our â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Adam and Eveâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x201C;themed resort,â&#x20AC;? a Sandal representa-­ tive noted in a press release. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We plan to construct a heart-­ shaped hot tub around the tree of knowledge.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going to be very saucy.â&#x20AC;?

Religious partrons believe the Garden should not be sold off at all, but set aside as a holy land.

Members of the Catholic church and other Chris-­ tian denominations have already started a mass pilgrimage to Eden stating that,

New Indonesian Sweat Shop Tactic Boosts Morale

Employeeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pleasantly serenaded by Smash Mouthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s All Star

By KatieTalay

D

ian Sieto, manager of the larg-­ est Nike sweatshop in northern Indonesia, recently announced to his workers his new plan to boost company morale: playing Smash 0RXWK¡V ¡V KLW ´$OO 6WDU Âľ Sieto stated he plans to play the up-­ beat song at least once a day over the speakers that are used for the sweat-­ shopâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s alarm systems. He added that he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t foresee this as a problem EHFDXVH DOO WKH Ă&#x20AC;UH HVFDSHV DUH DOUHDG\ broken, so the alarm is really just for show anyway.

The change was met with great enthusiasm as the workers quietly muttered in joy. Lastri Fung, who has worked in the sweatshop for four years, ever since her family traded her in exchange for three male oxen at age LV RQH RI WKH ZRUNHUV ZKR H[SHUL-­ enced this change. During her daily two-­minute break, Fung said that â&#x20AC;&#x153;All Starâ&#x20AC;? brightens her days and is â&#x20AC;&#x153;really a toe tapper â&#x20AC;&#x201D; well, foot tapper. All of my toes were severed in a machine last week.â&#x20AC;?

Head seamstress Tuti Loe seconded

this sentiment. â&#x20AC;?When the fumes are starting to annoy my asthma or a child passes out from exhaustion on her sewing machine, or I just have a case of the Mondays, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nice to listen to some Smash Mouth. They get me,â&#x20AC;? Loe said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Like, the other day, I was feeling pretty down over the fact that my fun-­ damental human rights never get pro-­ tected, but then my co-­worker turned to me and said â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Hey, now, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a rock star.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; And, in that moment I felt like â&#x20AC;&#x201D; yeah, I am a rock star.â&#x20AC;?

Loe continued, â&#x20AC;&#x153;I really like the line about â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;We could all use a little change.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a metaphor for how I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to work in this hellhole for the rest of my life and for how I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t afford to buy rice for my family.â&#x20AC;?

Overall, the workers seemed to be PXFK PRUH VDWLVĂ&#x20AC;HG ZLWK WKLV VRQJ than Sietoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s previous attempt. Earlier this year, Sieto played â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hey Mickeyâ&#x20AC;? ev-­ eryday with the same goal. â&#x20AC;&#x153;That song was so annoying,â&#x20AC;? Fung said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wanted to jump out the damn window. You know, if the windows werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t welded shut, that is.â&#x20AC;?

According to Sieto, playing Smash Mouth has already shown a notice-­ able increase in productivity. â&#x20AC;?I think itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s because the song drowns out the sounds of grown women crying and al-­ lows everyone to focus,â&#x20AC;? he said.

Sieto also claims that it has in-­ creased team unity. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nothing like coming in to work in the morn-­ LQJ DQG KHDULQJ ZRPHQ DQG FKLO-­ dren singing, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;She was looking kind of GXPE ZLWK KHU Ă&#x20AC;QJHU DQG KHU WKXPE in the shape of an L on her forehead.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; It warms my heart,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think it connects our workers to the expe-­ rience of the American children. You know, the ones theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re making shoes and wallets for.â&#x20AC;?

Sieto stated that he plans to stick with â&#x20AC;&#x153;All Starâ&#x20AC;? until it proves ineffec-­ tive, in which case he plans to move onto Barenaked Ladiesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x153;One Weekâ&#x20AC;? because, â&#x20AC;&#x153;It will take them at least a \HDU WR Ă&#x20AC;JXUH RXW WKH O\ULFV Âľ ___________________________________ Katie Talay is a sophomore TV-­R major who was personally in favor of â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Why Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t We Be Friendsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;. Email her at kta-­ OD\ #LWKDFD HGX

Obama Mandates Congress Join World of Warcraft President seeks to emulate gameâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s unlimited economic system

By Rachel Maus

BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue

A

long with freaking out over gay marriage and contraception, right-­wing Republicans have expressed outrage over Obamaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s latest attempt to decrease the economic crisis: a new mandate that requires all members of Congress to create and maintain a :RUOG RI :DUFUDIW DFFRXQW DQG Ă&#x20AC;JXUH out how to make itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s economic system of unlimited supply and demand work in real life. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We must examine all options. As I said before, I will take no options off the table in dealing with Iran...I mean, the economy,â&#x20AC;? said Obama at a press conference.

Joe Biden, vice president and current highest-­ranking player in the Congressional League, insisted â&#x20AC;&#x153;The mandate is not just all fun and games; the President has spared no expense in the latest training software, and has employed game experts to oversee the operation.â&#x20AC;?

One such expert includes Johnny ´7XII1XW]¾ 0F*HH ZKR DW DJH

46

is chief of the new Department of Warcraft-­Economic Retaliation.

In response to the new action, Bill Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Reilly spoke out on his show, warning viewers that this seemingly ideal system is just the beginning of a very â&#x20AC;&#x153;redâ&#x20AC;? future. The red, of course, representing communism. â&#x20AC;&#x153;What will this lead to next?â&#x20AC;? Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Reilly asked. â&#x20AC;&#x153;It is not so crazy to predict a future in which aspiring Pokemon Masters such as myself will never be able to leave the cruel clutches of Pallet Town, and will never see our young Pocket Monsters evolve.â&#x20AC;?

Republicans agree, this prospect concerns many Americans, and not just stoned teenagers who just found their old Gameboy Color.

Presidential wannabe Rick Santorum also shared his views during the most recent Republican candidate debate/shit show. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Video games go against Catholic morals by creating people in images other than God and will lead to gay marriage and abortion,â&#x20AC;? Santorum said. When

asked to elaborate, Santorum stated it was an obvious logical assumption that the majority of those playing World of Warcraft are homosexuals and slutty women.

Although several economists and WoW creators, Blizzard Entertainment, LQVLVW WKLV LV RQO\ D Ă&#x20AC;JPHQW RI WKH companyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s imagination, the Obama $GPLQLVWUDWLRQ LV DGDPDQW LQ Ă&#x20AC;JXULQJ out how to emulate the games never-­ ending supply and demand system. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Tuffnutzâ&#x20AC;? thinks it can be done, claiming â&#x20AC;&#x153;yeah man, we just gotta make more stuff, buy a dragon and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be good.â&#x20AC;?

In an unrelated note, several members of congress have been reportedly absent from congressional meetings for the past two weeks, and several others have been spotted leaving Costcoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s with cases of Red Bull. _________________________________ Rachel Maus is a freshman cinema DQG SKRWRJUDSK\ ZKR¡V Ă&#x20AC;OWK\ ULFK LQ KHU JXLOG (PDLO KHU DW UPDXV #LWKDFD edu

Global Leaders Agree, World Would Be Better if Dane Cook Were Obliterated

By Brianna Pennella

T

?

Park thinks professional equals professor The Park School of Communications loves to hire professors that are professionals MR XLIMV ½IPH ° JSVQIV SV GYVVIRX IHMXSVW reporters, producers or even business I\IGW ° [LMGL MR XLISV] MW E KVIEX MHIE Professionals teaching their craft? What could go wrong?

The problem is that when these teachers get in the classroom, they have no idea what theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re doing. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re disorganized, scatterbrained and vague. Theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re perpetually changing assignments and tests and grades. In short, they canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t teach. They can write a perfect 1,000 word feature story in a heartbeat. But can they effectively instruct someone else how to do the same? No, because doing and teaching are two completely different skills, and thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a concept that Park apparently cannot grasp.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve spent semesters watching professors look concepts up in Google in lieu of actually teaching us, telling us to take notes on the Wikipedia page. Sorry, I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t realize I was paying $35,000 in tuition to practice using search engines. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve also had professors even recruit students from the class to teach for them and show the rest of the class how to use programs like FinalCut and InDesign, which were supposed to be cornerstones of the entire course. This is perfect because we get to practice being unpaid interns, doing the job of our superiors to cover up their incompetence.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not speaking for every professor in 4EVO ERH HI½RMXIP] RSX IZIV] TVSJIWWSV -´ZI had as a journalism major. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve had some amazing professors, but the couple of bad ones Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve had have put a damper on my overall experience in journalism classes here.

This is a problem that the administration in Park seriously needs to address. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s awesome to have people who are accomplished in the ½IPHW XLI]´VI XIEGLMRK FYX XLI] EPWS RIIH to be able to relay information and be an EGXYEP XIEGLIV -X´W HI½RMXIP] RSX MQTSWWMFPI to have the best of both worlds (big ups to my man Jeff Cohen), but the hiring process RIIHW XS FI [E] QSVI WIPIGXMZI XS ½RH them. Otherwise, it hurts us as students and lowers the quality of the entire Park school.

- Brennin Cummings

47

Sawdust

he worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s top leaders were UDGHULH WKLV PD\ YHU\ ZHOO EH WKH Ă&#x20AC;UVW called into an emergency meet-­ steps towards world peace.â&#x20AC;? ing early last week to assess It appears that the search for a an issue that has become a matter of peaceful coexistence may be rooted global concern: Dane Cookâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s existence. in the absence of the self-­proclaimed The potential harm of Cookâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s contin-­ funny man. According to the head of ued time on Earth was elevated from Culture and Communications at Co-­ unfunny nuisance to international lumbia University, Mary Parnell, the threat after bombing during his per-­ FURVV FXOWXUH EHQHĂ&#x20AC;WV DUH HYLGHQW formance at the United Nations early â&#x20AC;&#x153;Black, white, Muslim, Christian-­ no last month.

RQH Ă&#x20AC;QGV KLP IXQQ\ Âľ VDLG 3DUQHOO President Barack Obama made a Local Ithaca College student and In-­ public apology for the performer al-­ ternational business major Tom Bret-­ most instantly. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I cannot express how ton stated, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve always hated the guy. sorry I am that this rabid hyena is an Knowing that the rest of the world does American citizen,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The best WRR GHĂ&#x20AC;QLWHO\ JLYHV PH D JUHDW WDONLQJ thing to come out of this is unity. point while networking.â&#x20AC;?

I have never seen so many Not everyone is as turned leaders working so close-­ off by Cookâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s career howev-­ ly and with such deter-­ er. Eric Parker, a student mination towards a at Loyola University and common goal.â&#x20AC;?

Delta Beta Phi member, Even the Chinese spoke out to defend Cook. government agreed â&#x20AC;&#x153;A lot of people donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get that listening to Dane Dane Cookâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s humor. You Cook scream nonsen-­ have to be drunk to appre-­ sical punch lines into ciate it. Likeâ&#x20AC;Ś.black out the mic was an agoniz-­ drunk,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Some of ing experience and ad-­ his best bits are the ones mitted to using Cookâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t remember.â&#x20AC;? stand up routines to tor-­ The movement to force ture prisoners. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s like getting Dane Cook out of the civi-­ pepper sprayed in the brain,â&#x20AC;? lized world has become commented Bao Li, a student an effort in favor of world and government protestor. peace and unity. British The alarming amount of Prime Minister David Cam-­ Image by negative feedback about Dane eron said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Saying things Cook and his decidedly insuf-­ Zachary Anderson loudly doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make you a co-­ ferable comedy has lead many to be-­ median. It just makes you obnoxious.â&#x20AC;?. lieve that his eradication is the only He later added â&#x20AC;&#x153;and that pickle joke? solution.

Are you f-­-­-­-­-­g kidding me?â&#x20AC;?

For a short period of time, it was Upon hearing the news, Cookâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s suspected that Cook was sent by Al-­ agent tried to stress that his client is Qaeda as an undercover terrorist at-­ not just an unfunny comedian but a tack on America. However, shortly af-­ mediocre actor as well. When a French ter this theory hit headlines, Al-­Qaeda RIĂ&#x20AC;FLDO ZDV DVNHG WR VKDUH KLV RSLQLRQ posted a video on their Youtube ac-­ RQ 'DQH &RRN DV DQ DFWRU LQ WKH Ă&#x20AC;OP count, explicitly stating that under no Employee of the Month, he vomited. circumstances would the terrorist or-­ To show your support for world ganization ever stoop so low as to have peace visit www.cookingupworldpeace.

Dane Cook associated with them. They com and pledge to rocket Dane Cook then proceeded to demonstrate several into deep space for the sake of global possible methods of execution for the unity. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;comedianâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; including vaporizing him, _____________________________________ having him be the guest victim for this Brianna Pennella is a sophomore TV-­R yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Shark Week or cutting out his major who thinks after Dane Cook, Car-­ larynx and subjecting him to a world-­ los Mencia should be next. Email her at wide roast.

ESHQQHO #LWKDFD HGX Syrian President Bashar al Assad added the following, â&#x20AC;&#x153;This kind of cam-­

Buzzsaw Asks Why...

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BUZZSAW: The Utopia Issue