The Fancy Issue

BUZZSAW

Black Tie Affair October 2012

News & Views

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Buzzsaw presents...

EDITORS’ COMMENT

The Fancy Issue

Fuel up the Aston Martin, pop the champagne and break out the caviar — this is a black tie affair. From what we wear to what we drink, and even where we go to prison (Behind Gold Bars, pg. 20), many are striving to keep up a classy appearance. Buzzsaw is too.

Travelling to faraway places can be considered extravagant and exciting, but it raises questions of what makes foreign places seem so lavish (Converting Class, pg. 17). But who says you need to go abroad to be surrounded with fancy people? We have golden graduates right here at IC, one even rowed for gold on the Olympic stage (Carrying the Torch, pg. 21).

But fancy is not just a lifestyle for the rich and the famous. Fancy is a way of thinking. It seems to create a class disparity between those who are fancy and can own fancy things, and those who cannot. It’s a tradition we pass on to our kids (Lifestyles of the Rich, Famous and Young, pg. 30). But those who are wealthy don’t always feel the need to flaunt it (page Hidden Gems, pg.

18).

Why shouldn’t we all be able to flaunt a pair of Jimmy Choo’s or Ray Bans if we want to? We explore high couture fashion’s availability to the masses (Devil Wears Discount, pg. 32).

The historical etiquette of beverage times still lives on in the classiest of households (Just My Cup of Tea, pg. 31). And online, watch as SeeSaw walks us through Cornell Orchards to see the vibrant study of vitaculture and enology - A.K.A. winemaking.

With this issue, we are dressed to the nines, ready explore not only the consumption associated with a fancy lifestyle, but also the mindset the ideals of fancy unconsciously sustains.

Cheers! <3 The Editors

BUZZSAW News & Views Upfront Ministry of Cool Prose & Cons Sawdust Design Art Website Haircut Seesaw Production

Adviser Founders

Meagan McGinnes Kacey Deamer Gena Mangiaratti Carly Sitzer Jenni Zellner Mariana Garces Danielle West Anika Steppe David Lurvey Jenni Zellner Emily Miles Rachael Lewis-Krisky

Kayla Reopelle Chelsea Hartman Ysabel Mullarky Rachel Maus Karen Muller Jennifer Pike Jeff Cohen Abby Bertumen Kelly Burdick Bryan Chambala Sam Costello Thom Denick Cole Louison James Sigman

Buzzsaw is published with support from Campus Progress / Center for American Progress (online at CampusProgress.org).

Buzzsaw is also funded by the Ithaca College Student Government Association and the Park School of Communications.

Our Press is our press. (Binghamton, NY) Buzzsaw uses student-generated art and photography and royalty-free images.

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

Views expressed in this magazine are not necessarily those of the editorial staff or of Ithaca College.

Feedback and contributions should be sent to buzzsawmag@gmail.com.

Front & back cover by Anika Steppe Table of Contents image by Anika Steppe Center spread by Erika Feldman Upfront divider by David Lurvey Ministry of Cool divider by Kennis Ku Prose & Cons divider by Geneva Faraci Sawdust divider by Amanda Kirschenbaum

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News & Views .................................................4 Current events, local news & quasi-educated opinions.

Upfront .......................................................14 Selected dis-education of the month.

Ministry.of.Cool ........................................29 Arts, entertainment and other things cooler than us.

Prose & Cons ............................................38 Short fiction, personal essay and other assorted lies.

Sawdust .......................................................42 Threatening the magazineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s credibility since 1856.

Check out our daily content at: Our magazine exists to inspire thoughtful debate and open up the channels through which information is shared. Your comments and feedback are all a part of this process. Reach the editors by email at: buzzsawmag@gmail.com

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News BUZZSAW & Views

BUZZSAWMAG.ORG

Compiled by Meagan McGinnes Images by Erika Feldman

buzzcuts

The Dark Side of Luxury In the name of ivory trade, humans have been responsible for a steep decline in elephants

300,000 in the 1970s

$13

worth of diamonds are produced per billion year

$520 million

of these are confirmed as conflict diamonds

- World Diamond Council

10,000 today

- National Geographic

Producing an ounce of gold requires 38 man hours 1400 gallons of water enough electricity to run a large house for ten days chemicals such as cyanide, acids, lead, borax and lime

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

- International Business Times

In order to extract South Africaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s yearly output of

500 tons of gold

70 million

nearly tons of earth are raised and milled.

-The Power of Gold: the history of an obsession

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A Contested Solution Are Cornell gorges’ nets overshadowing mental health responsiveness?

By Bronwyn Bishop

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Dr. Tim Marchell, Cornell’s director of mental health initiatives, called The Onion article “ill-informed and in poor taste.” He said that Cornell’s approach to mental health promotion “includes encouraging students to ask for help when they need it and educating the campus community about how to notice and respond effectively when someone is in distress.” Following the suicides in March, Cornell held a student-organized event called “Lift Your Spirits,” which featured a speech from Cornell President David Skorton on the importance of “connecting in real life and in real time with the people who are really important to us.”

Marchell went on to say, “The ‘Lift Your Spirits’ event reflected the strength of our community, and in the time that has passed since then we have continued to heal.”

Since construction began on the nets, the controversy has died down somewhat. With events such as “Lift Your Spirits,” Cornell has made it clear that students’ mental health is one of its primary concerns. The nets are just one part of the school’s approach to mental health promotion, but they’re an important part. Dr. Cris Haltom, a psychologist who teaches at Cornell and Ithaca College, said she’s in favor of the nets.

“Many suicides are impulsive or unplanned. For these individuals, erecting barriers are an important deterrent.” Haltom believes that the tragedy surrounding the 2010 suicides has increased awareness of helping suicidal students. “Hopefully, the fear of stigma and ‘outing’ someone who is struggling in order to get help has decreased,” she said. “Hopefully, more students and staff realize what is potentially at stake when someone is in distress.” ____________________________________ Bronwyn Bishop is a freshman TV-R major who tries to always “connect in real time and real life” with those important to her. Email her at bbishop1@ ithaca.edu.

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News & Views

or decades, Cornell University steel mesh systems designed to catch has had a reputation as a “sui- would-be jumpers, thereby providing cide school.” Friends warn ner- a way to combat suicide on campus vous high school juniors getting ready without compromising the beauty of to apply that Cornell has one of the Ithaca’s famous gorges. highest suicide rates of all colleges Almost as soon as the project was in America. Cornell officials have always insisted that their suicide rate is normal.

For years, the rumors never seemed to have much effect on the school or its atmosphere. Then, in 2010, six students committed suicide in six months. Two of them took their lives in a single week, both in the same way, jumping off a bridge over one of Cornell’s famous gorges.

Suddenly, America’s presumed suicide school was forced to deal with its reputation by installing fences and horizontal nets over the tumultuous water.

The 2009-2010 school year was, by all accounts, a difficult time for Cornell. The six suicides took a toll on the school and its students, causing an atmosphere of widespread unease. Bradley Ginsberg jumped off the Fall Creek Gorge on Feb. 17. His death was followed by two more, only a day apart: William Sinclair jumped off the gorge on March 11, and was followed by Matthew Zika on March 12. As students and Photo by David Lurvey faculty dealt with the death of the three men, Cornell and the city announced, it began to draw scrutiny of Ithaca began planning a solution to from those who saw it as a waste of the problem. money, a last-ditch effort to help stuFirst, chain link fences were erected dents who hadn’t received adequate on the bridges to deter suicides, but mental health aid from the college. these proved to be a problem almost Some wondered if the university was immediately. According to Cornell’s more concerned with saving its image project director John Keefe, “[The than with helping its students. Safences] were viewed as unsightly so tirical newspaper The Onion observed, the university changed from chain “Nets are probably more cost-effective link fences to a more architectural than providing suicidal students with fence.” psychiatric care and medicine.”

The Ithaca community still reHowever, many at Cornell feel that mained opposed to any type of fencing these criticisms are being unfairly dion the bridge, and so the fences were rected at a school that provides plenty replaced by less obstructive horizontal of resources for struggling students.

Harvesting Hope

Ithaca Community Gardens in negotiations for new lease

By Gena Mangiaratti

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BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

Photo by Gena Mangiaratti

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fter months of questions surrounding the fate of the Ithaca Community Gardens, the Ithaca Common Council voted this September to adopt a resolution that directs the city to negotiate a new lease with Project Growing Hope, the nonprofit organization working toward furthering local food self-sufficiency that leases the land for the community gardens.

At a special common council meeting on Sept. 19, the Ithaca Common Council voted 9-1 to adopt a resolution that directs the Mayor and City Attorney to enter negotiations for a renewal of the lease before Common Council votes on a final lease agreement in July 2013.

When it became clear earlier this year that the fate of the gardens was uncertain, members of Project Growing Hope took action through petitioning, holding a small rally and meeting with Common Council members.

Gardener and head of the communications committee for Project Growing Hope, Jo Todd, said the meetings gave Project Growing Hope members a chance to inform each of the council members, as well as hear their concerns and work with them toward finding a solution that would work for everyone.

“Sometimes a council person might not realize how vital the vegetables are in a garden,” Todd said.

“People don’t do it just for fun. They do it because they are living off of the food that they grow.”

But it is this cross between recreation and personal use that creates questions as to where exactly the place of a community garden should be within a city, such as if it could take place on public land.

“If it were just flower gardening, I don’t think it would face the same opposition because it would just be beautiful and it would belong to everyone,” Mayor Svante Myrick said.

“But it’s a weird mix of public property being cultivated for personal consumption, and that’s an awkward tension to resolve.”

The situation springs from a purchase agreement made in 1999, in

which the City of Ithaca sold eight acres of undeveloped land located in Carpenter Business Park to the developer Building Links, Inc. The agreement included what is called an “option” for Building Links to purchase two additional acres of city-owned land — meaning that once any existing lease on that land ends, Building Links has the first right to purchase it. Twenty years earlier, these two acres had been leased to Project Growing Hope for the community gardens, the term set to end in December 2013.

Aeon Development, LLC, agent for Building Links, has since approached the city expressing interest in acquiring the land. This, combined with that years ago the City had prepped the land for commercial development, has created a disconnect between what the City Council’s intentions were in 1999, and what the current City Council’s obligations are now, Myrick reflected.

At the Common Council meeting on Aug. 22, the City Administration Committee was initially going to vote on a resolution proposed by Aeon that would let the lease expire without negotiations to renew. By the end of the meeting, the Committee decided not to vote on Aeon’s resolution and to form a working group consisting of City Administration Committee members Graham Kerslick and Chris Proulx, City Attorney Ari Levine and other city staff members to work on a new solution.

According to the resolution passed on Sept. 19, the City is to enter lease renewal negotiations with Project Growing

Hope, but the lease can be terminated early if a developer meets a list of specified conditions that Myrick said would prevent the gardens from being evicted without an alternative location or from being moved just to have the original site left undeveloped for years.

Sheryl Swink, secretary of Project Growing Hope, said the board is now working on putting together a negotiating team. While she is glad the resolution has bought the gardeners more time, the conditions that would allow the lease to expire early have left them with a lot of uncertainty as to how much time they have.

Will Parker, another board member of Project Growing Hope, said he is open to an alternative location, as his personal goal is to save the concept of a community garden.

“We’re going to have to certainly do a lot more outreaching to the community and to the city, so [the resolution] gives us some time to adjust to things and that’s what I’m happy about,” Parker said.

Swink said that while there is a large body of community support that goes beyond the gardeners, the goal for July 2013 will be to work for the understanding of Common Council on how the gardens fit in as a sustainability initiative within Ithaca. _____________________________________ Gena Mangiaratti is a senior journalism major who is proud of her green thumb. Email her at gmangia1@ithaca. edu.

Ready for Change?

IC releases new admission and academic options

By Elizabeth Morris

S

scores after enrollment as a way to determine whether a testing optional policy is effective. Maguire hopes this effort will counteract the test score inflation that

For those who are accepted and chose IC, they will spend their first year in a new integrative core curriculum program that includes a common set of general education requirements, Image instead of the previous individual

by Da vid Lu rvey school-based requirements.

Students will be required to complete five courses based in six different themes, including: identities; inquiry, imagination, innovation; and mind, body, spirit. The classes will allow students to approach ideas from within several different schools.

Marisa Kelly, Ithaca College provost, said students are expected to “respond really positively to the opportunity to look at an issue in which they’re interested in from a variety of disciplinary perspectives.”

A minimum of 12 credits of liberal arts courses will also be a requirement for all majors, along with writing intensive, math competency and diversity courses.

According to Kelly, the classes are “not [a] credit o c curs bearing requirement, but after an institua content requirement.” tion enacts testing She said some courses optional policies. would satisfy multiple requireThough testing optional ments within the new program and puts the college at risk of appearing eliminate over-crowding of schedules. less competitive, student opinion may Even so, some students are still conprove worthwhile. cerned about time constraints within Jahan Lam, a senior at Mount Man- scheduling because of the new gradusfield Union High School in Jericho, ation requirements.

Vt., plans to apply early decision to “We believe that with appropriate Ithaca College for the class of 2017. planning, students who want to study Though he will still be submitting his abroad… will still be able to do that test scores, he agrees with the new just as they can now,” Kelly said. change. ____________________________________ “I know a bunch of people [that] are Elizabeth Morris is a freshman jourstill really good students but just do nalism major who is jealous of all the not do well at tests,” Lam said. He incoming freshman who don’t have to thinks this new measure will make take the SATs. Email her at emorris3@ the application process more fair for ithaca.edu. some students.

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News & Views

tudents applying to Ithaca College for the fall of 2013 have more options than ever with the implementation of early action, optional standardized testing and new general education course requirements for incoming freshman.

Starting this application season, applicants will have the choice between early action, early decision or regular decision. Early action gives students a guaranteed admission decision by Feb. 1 without the binding early decision agreement to enroll.

In a more controver sial move, the college confirmed a new testing optional policy. Applicants are now given the choice of submitting standardized testing scores as a part of their applications. According to the National Center for Fair & Open Testing, more than 850 colleges and universities have made this change, but the benefits of this new policy are yet to be seen.

Eric Maguire, vice president of enrollment and communication, said the school implemented this option because standardized scores have “relatively little value in our overall admission process.”

In fact, the college conducted an incremental validity study to relate high school GPA, the strength of classes and class rank to SAT scores. The correlation between students sixth semester GPA on campus and high school GPA was .65 — a strong connection. Yet when they added in SAT to the factors, the correlation only increased by a tenth of a point.

Maguire said the college is considering asking students for their test

To Vote or Not To Vote?

Exploring reasons to find your voice in Election 2012

By Sabrina Dorronsoro

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BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

o vote or not to vote, that is the question. With elections coming up in less than two months, college students are beginning to think about which candidates are worthy of their vote or whether they are even planning to vote at all.

This election year comes with a tidal wave of issues, but both the Romney and Obama campaigns have been putting a big emphasis on college tuition and student loans.

Whoever is elected will have a big say in what kind of loans we college students will be dealing with over the next few years. With such a relevant stake in these elections, why wouldn’t college students be running to the polls to vote?

Perhaps it has to do with our antiquated voting system. Rock the Vote marketing and operations manager, Caitlin Maguire, had a lot to say about the American voting system and the barriers it can set up for potential voters. On a basic level, the registration system is just simply outdated, according to Maguire.

“There are a lot of barriers as far as voter registration goes. First off, it

Image by David Lurvey

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is paper-based and it follows a lot of processes young people aren’t used to, particularly because they live in a technological world.”

Rock the Vote works to modernize the registration process by way of a three-step online process. Teen voters can fill out all their information on the website, then the site automatically transfers this information onto a registration form, which can be printed out and sent to the individual’s town official.

While, organizations like Rock the Vote have made considerable strides in the way of youth voting, there are some aspects of our voting system they can not control. Voter ID laws have recently been implemented in states such as New Hampshire and Pennsylvania, and seem to be directed at college-age students.

This new wave of legislation requires voters in certain states to have a valid drivers license from the state they are voting in. Out-of-state college students who are unaware of these laws and have not applied for an absentee ballot will, as a result, be unable to vote in states with these restrictions.

“We predict that a lot of people on election day will try and go to the polls, and will be turned away because they weren’t aware of all the regulations and restrictions put in place,” Maguire said.

Voter ID laws put aside, perhaps the real problem with American voter registration is that we practice an ‘opt-in’ system where it is left to the citizen to register themselves to vote. Europe practices a ‘universal voter registration’ that ensures all eligible citizens are registered to vote automatically when they come of age.

Why does the United States not facilitate

the American people better by making the registration process completely automatic?

Steven Hill, author of the political textbook Europe’s Promise, shed some light on America’s voting system.

“Once you have a system it becomes hard to change,” Hill said.

“You have a lot of people who are invested in that system and you have incumbents who like it, so they resist change.” However, Hill does not believe America is completely incapable of changing its ways. According to Hill, a universal voter registration system has a very good chance of happening in the U.S., perhaps first at a state-level and then on a national-scale. The implementation of a universal voter registration system could significantly enhance the outcome of voter turnout at the polls.

Some may argue that politics are simply at the bottom of an Americans to-do list and having to register to vote makes the possibility of voting unlikely. According to a study done by the California Voting Foundation (CVF) 28 percent of infrequent voters said their lack of voting or failure to register has to do with the fact that they are too busy. By eliminating this registration barrier, perhaps Americans will capitalize on their ability to vote.

However, there are some Americans that simply do not vote because they feel they cannot make any change or that Washington is too corrupt to be fixed. According to Maguire, “A lot of young people find Washington to be a toxic place, congress is in a gridlock, it has its lowest ratings in decades and some people are just not sure if its something they want to participate in.” However, the only way to fix the corruption is to make a change and the first step to change is voting. “Voting is the easiest way to get involved in our political process,” Maguire said. “If you’re disenchanted with Washington then the only way to reform it is to have your voice heard by voting.”

Ithaca College sophomore Anna Yuen expressed concerns about her

vote not holding much weight. “I understand the importance of voting but sometimes I just feel like there is no point. Is my one vote really going to change the way the election goes?”

This point is not unjustified; will one vote amongst millions of other Americans really change the outcome of any election? No. But when a

as unemployment and the economy.

I think all the attention 18 to 29 year olds are getting is definitely a huge motivating factor.”

The increased attention on the 18 - 29 demographic is evident. Both Obama and Romney started their campaigns off in early July speaking directly to students about renewing

One vote cannot change much but a million votes can. an important bill regarding renewing student loans and working on student debt. “[The candidates] are focusing on young people who do not have jobs,” said Maquire. “Specifically to make a point that the other would not do as well getting young people out of their parents homes and onto their feet and dealing with their student loans.”

Despite these powerful campaigns, America still only saw 51 percent of eligible youth voters going to the polls. The effect that the American youth could have on the elections if more of their demographic started voting would be immense.

Whether Republican or Democrat, woman or a man, Hispanic, Asian, black or white, this election is huge.

Voters are setting the tone for our country over the next four years.

Student loans, the job market, the military and beyond will all be in the hands of the president of November’s election.

As Americans, we are privileged with the right to vote. As seen in the Arab Springs, people literally die fighting to obtain the privilege many of us are tossing aside. We should not take for granted the fact that we have a say in how our country is run.

If you are not already registered to vote visit www.rockthevote.org. Exercise your right to have a voice. __________________________________ Sabrina Dorronsoro is a sophomore journalism major who cannot wait to vote for Mickey Mouse come election day. Email her at sdorron1@ithaca. edu.

News & Views

mindset like that starts infecting the American people as a whole then we are ultimately rendering ourselves useless. One vote cannot change much but a million votes can.

Hill recognized that some states have what voters may call a shoein winner but this did not depreciate the value of voting in his eyes.

“We know Obama will win California and we know Romney will win Texas, but there are really a handful of states that are up for grabs and going out to vote in those states is extremely important.” Battleground states such as Ohio, Florida, Iowa and New Hampshire, for example, have no guarantees. The youth vote in such states could prove to change the whole election.

This is not to discourage voters in non-battleground states. In the past, states that were not considered battlegrounds have had shockingly close election results. While your vote may not be the deciding factor in an election, it can be an incremental part of a statewide shove in the direction of your candidate. “I think it’s a matter of just realizing that you should vote,” said Hill. “And that occasionally you vote in a race where your vote really counts for a lot.”

With campaigns such as Rock the Vote and Vote or Die in the 2008 election, Americans saw a six percent increase in youth voters from the 2004 elections, and Maguire believes we can expect the same outcome this election year. “Both candidates are speaking directly to young people, especially about issues that matter most to youth voters nowadays, such

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A Conventional Man

Is Paul Ryan smart or stupid in Election 2012?

By Christopher Thomas

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

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egular. Moderate, traditional, unchanging, conventional.

These are the words that came to mind when I first heard the new Republican Vice Presidential candidate’s name. A married, white male with two common names, Paul Ryan is the epitome of Conservatism. Not a hockey mom, nor the Governor of Alaska, this man is clearly no Sarah Palin. And I’m sure the Republicans want it to stay that way. Palin turned off many viewers with her Image courtesy of the campain weak interviewing skills (Katie Couric still haunts her dreams), and her failures (the Bridge to Nowhere). But that page has been turned for four years now, and the Republicans are looking to turn a new leaf with Ryan. So who is Ryan really, and what moves will he ultimately make in this crazy game we call the 2012 Presidential Election?

Ryan is a fifth-generation Wisconsin native, born and raised in the riverfront city of Janesville, located right near the southern edge of Wisconsin.

He has been a member of Congress for seven terms, but that hasn’t kept him from his roots. He still continues to live in Janesville with his family.

In addition to the Ryan family living there for five generations, they were one of three families to help develop the town. Yet, with all this staying power and lack of change that his family has endured, this is not the conservatism that has made Republicans so excited.

Indeed, conservatives have been

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fueled by this nomination. “I don’t recall a vice presidential pick that has so energized a campaign as this choice of Paul Ryan,” said Rush Limbaugh on his talk show. “This election…is ball game.”

So why are Republicans enthusiastic about this pick?

It strengthens the Republican Party since Ryan has been known to be one of the party’s most acclaimed young politicians and is destined to do great things.

“This is a guy who’s a real leader,” Mitt Romney shared w h e n asked about his nomination. “He has that unusual almost unique capacity to find people of different parties who are of a common purpose that can come together and do something that’s right for the country.” As Ed Feulner, President of the conservative Heritage Foundation put it three years before his nomination, “He is not just a potential future majority leader, he’s a potential speaker of the House.”

This praise has clearly not caused his head to swell, since his main goal has been to find time with his family. In fact, he chose not to run in this 2012 election because of his family.

He stays back in Janestown on long weekends, and at the bare minimum, makes it to two meals at home during the week. He also makes time to do his favorite activity, bowhunting.

It’s been said by former colleagues that they’ve received emails from Ryan while he’s in a tree stand waiting for deer. His love of hunting probably comes as a relief to Republicans

afraid of gun control, likely meaning he is not a fan.

Perhaps one of Ryan’s biggest projects has been the Path to Prosperity.

This effort, which is designed to reduce U.S. debt by reshaping federal spending and tax policies, has been a target of attack by Democrats. This is mostly due to his views on Medicare, where he believes that Americans under the age of 55 should receive subsidies to pay for health insurance as opposed to a government-run program that pays directly for the medical care. In addition, the plan would include repealing “Obamacare”, the Democratic federal health care reforms that took place during Obama’s run in office. “Medicare right has a 38 trillion dollar liability,” said Ryan.

“This bill does not reduce costs, this bill does not reduce deficits.”

While this pick has been an energy boost to the Republican ticket, other parties haven’t embraced his ideas.

Sean Themea, an Ithaca College student, a registered Independent running for Senator in the Student Government Association, disagrees with his budget plan. “By cutting funds for education, and supporting Bush tax funds, it’s just going to set us back.”

However, he agrees that from the perspective of a Republican, he is a very nice choice. “I can tell he’s a very charismatic guy, good pick for Romney for marketability. He is a very good pick for the Republicans.”

Although it is a little early to call, Ryan’s nomination has fueled the Republican party into believing that this really could be a Republican year.

This was a smart pick, because even though Paul Ryan’s name might be regular, moderate, traditional, conventional and unchanging, he may have just enough gusto to change the way our country is led these next four years. ____________________________________ Christopher Thomas is a freshman TV-R major who is anything but conventional and ordinary. Email him at cthomas5@ithaca.edu.

Advocating for Acceptance

Campus Pride names Ithaca College one of the trans-friendliest schools

By Alden Lo Bosco

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s a transgender person, college life comes with a myriad of obstacles — and not ones that a traditionally gendered person would usually ever consider.

Do I room with a boy or a girl? What bathrooms do I use on campus? How do I handle changing my name with the school? There are a lot of needs to be met to create a safe and comfortable environment, some obvious and some not.

created in order to meet trans students needs is simply astounding, but getting these standards in place was no easy feat.

A key person in making IC’s LGBT practices superior is LGBT Education, Outreach & Services Program Director Lis Maurer. When speaking with Maurer, I got a real sense of just how much effort and time she has put into getting the transgender friendly polices in place.

When the staff in the LGBT center realized

I want to work at a place that I feel proud of and treats everyone with dignity and respect.

- Lis Maurer, LGBT Education, Outreach & Services Program Director When I came to Ithaca College as a frightened little freshman, not only was I adjusting to life as a college student, but I was also adjusting to life as a female to male trans identified person. Most of my fears soon dissipated as I began to realize that the school was usually one step ahead of me. When I was worried about what bathrooms to use I quickly learned that there are gender-neutral bathrooms all around campus. When I wanted to change my name with the school, but had not yet done so legally, I learned that Ithaca has a process where one can designate their preferred first name and have processes use it instead of their birth-name until the legal change.

I completely and wholeheartedly agree with Campus Pride’s assessment that IC is one of the trans-friendliest schools in the country. The number of policies they have

that there was no gender-neutral bathroom, they worked to immediately rectify the situation. They created a Velcro sign that says “Gender Neutral” that can be placed over the traditional “Men” and “Women” signs on the door.

The staff genuinely cares about the well being of the students and they believe in what they are trying to accomplish. “I wouldn’t work at a place where I didn’t believe in the philosophy.

I want to work at a place that I feel proud of and treats everyone with dignity and respect,” Maurer said.

Just because IC was named the most trans friendly school and has solved many issues for students, it does not mean the job is done.

“It’s a student center, it’s student driven and it is about student initiative and student needs,” Maurer said. “I am always interested in any ideas from students of any identity or orientation about ways we can improve services.”

The drive to make sure IC is always on top of the needs of its students comes from Maurer’s own experiences as a college student.

“Someone really stood up for me when I was in college, and I take that as a calling.Without that person’s actions, I would not have finished college myself,” said Maurer. “I don’t think things are perfect here, but I think in general people want to do the right thing.”

Our campus is also trans friendly in the sense that it holds events aimed for trans students, being very inclusive of gender non-conforming people. My freshman year, two transgender rappers from Katastrophe and Athens Boys Choir did a show on campus. For me, seeing two transgender men up on stage was comforting in a time that can feel isolating. Will Shishmanian, a senior trans identified student, stated, “There are both events that include the trans community and that are specifically for the trans community, which is where I think other LGBT programs are lacking.”

The college has taken great strides in the last decade toward a completely transgender friendly campus. The next step to creating a fully supportive and safe environment is to educate the student body on what being transgender really means. “The campus does everything possible to accommodate us,” Shishmanian said. “The only problem I face on this campus is on a person to person basis. People not understanding what it means to be trans.” If people on campus could move past just acceptance and take time to educate themselves, IC would be unstoppable. _________________________________ Alden Lo Bosco is a sophomore cinema and photography major who thinks Ithaca has the power to be unstoppable. Email him at alobosc1@ithaca. edu.

News & Views

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Chick-Full-of-Hatred Questioning fast food chain’s gay rights opposition

By Jared Corwin

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

H

ere’s a joke: “Why did the gay goes without question that denying man cross the road? — To gays the right to marry impedes their protest Chick-fil-A.” Wheth- freedoms, liberties and their pursuit er you’re a fast food fanatic, a vegan of ultimate happiness. or anything in between, chances are Granted, this is America. We are all you have heard about the outcry over entitled to the constitutional right to the statements made by Chick-fil- free speech, but when a major corpoA’s President and Chief Operating Officer Dan Cathy with regards to the company’s stance on gay marriage.

While on live radio in June 2012, Cathy stated, “I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say, ‘We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage.’ I pray God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is about.”

Following the hostile Image by Karen Rich reaction towards Cathy’s statements, he issued a response a ration such as Chick-fil-A writes on month later in an interview with the their website that they have a service Biblical Recorder stating, “We [Chick- tradition of treating “every person with fil-A] are very much supportive of honor, dignity and respect- regardless the…biblical definition of the family of their belief, race, creed, sexual oriunit.” entation or gender” and then donates While we can abhor Chick-fil-A for to radical anti-equality groups, we their radical stance against gay mar- have no choice but to call them out on riage and their financial support of their bullshit. several political organizations that In 2011, Chick-fil-A co-sponsored oppose gay rights, should we really a marriage conference with the Pennbe all that surprised? After all, we are sylvania Family Institute. This intalking about a Southern franchise stitute has lobbied actively to strike based on fundamentalist Christian down Proposition 8 and has also values. Part of said fundamentalism lobbied against a state effort to ban is the view that homosexuality is a discrimination based on sexual oriensin and a transgression against God. tation and gender identity. Through Religious beliefs aside, it is inherently the group the WinShape Foundation dangerous to the cause of progres- actually owned by the Cathy family, sion when an American corporation Cathy donated $1.9 million to the publicly denounces people’s “unalien- Family Research Council and Marable” rights promised to them under riage & Family Foundation. They also the very declaration upon which this donated to Exodus International, country was founded: “The Decla- a group that promotes “conversion ration of Independence” and these therapies” for homosexuals. aforementioned rights being “life, libVarious groups and politicians erty and the pursuit of happiness.” It maintained their quest for equality

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through a series of boycotts of the franchise. Students at Northeastern University protested the construction of a Chick-fil-A on campus. As a result of the protest the contract was canceled. Mayor Rahm Emanuel of Chicago and Mayor Thomas Menino of Boston declared they would refuse to allow Chick-fil-A to build any restaurants in their respective cities unless they changed their stance on gay marriage.

As of September, it seemed Cathy finally reacted to the backlash. The equal rights group, The Civil Rights Agenda, announced that the company had actually recalled their previous statements and declared in an internal document that they will “treat every person equally, regardless of sexual orientation.” It was also reported that Cathy’s WinShape foundation would no longer donate to any groups with definite political agendas. However, according to conservative news correspondent and former governor of Arkansas, Mike Huckabee, the company has not decided to change their beliefs at all, nor did they decide they would cease donating to groups that support the biblical definition of marriage.

For a few weeks we were offered this sense of false hope that this corporation could have taken all this public outcry as a sign that they truly needed to change their policies. Although Chick-fil-A disappointed us, it does not mean we should give up the cause of eliminating homophobia in the business world. ____________________________________ Jared Corwin is a junior TV-R major who likes his chicken fried and his civil liberties protected. Email him at jcorwin1@ithaca.edu.

The R- Word

Women’s issues ensnared in political blunders

By Qina Liu

I

t’s outrageous to think that rape can be anything other than rape; however, some politicians are continuing to put what constitutes as “rape” into a narrowly defined box.

For Republican Missouri Rep. Todd Akin, he’s just another politician who got criticized for speaking his mind.

Later he said he misspoke, and apologized in a televised ad, but at the time —Aug. 19, 2012 — Akin was sitting

Meanwhile, although Romney promised to get rid of federal funding to groups like Planned Parenthood — a not-for-profit organization that provides education on sexually transmitted diseases as well as facilities for birth control, abortion and screening for cervical and other cancers — he also criticized Akin: “His comments about rape were deeply offensive. And I can’t defend what he said. I can’t

The real issue is a Republican party — led by Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan — whose policies on women and their health are dangerously wrong.

-Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Democratic National Committee chairwoman defend him.” Doesn’t that sound a little hypocritical? Romney says he would oppose abortion in the instance of rape, but he also opposes groups that provide for abortion. Meanwhile, Ryan, Romney’s running mate and GOP vice presidential candidate, has co-sponsored the “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act” with Akin last year. This act says that only victims of “forcible rape” would qualify for federally funded abortions.

Grace Woodward, president of IC Feminists, said she thinks this rhetoric is scary.

“I don’t live in Missouri, but I live in America where this is happening, and where Mitt Romney didn’t support what he said, but he’s a flip-flopper and going back and forth on reproductive rights,” Woodward said, “so how are we supposed to feel when things like that are happening so blatantly?”

Cyndy Scheibe, executive director of Project Look Sharp — a media literacy initiative at Ithaca College — said she doesn’t know of anyone who defended Akin’s words.

“He kind of acted like he didn’t mean it the way it sounded, but it’s a little hard to interpret it in many other ways,” she said.

Even conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh had his two cents to add to this debate: “This is

13

News & Views

with Charles Jaco of The Jaco Report at Fox 2 — the St. Louis, MO., station KTVI-TV. Jaco asked Akin: “If an abortion could be considered in a tubal pregnancy, what about in the case of rape?

Should it be legal or not?”

Akin responded: “That seems to me, or at least in the case of doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that didn’t work or something.

I think there should be some sort of punishment, but that punishment should be toward the rapist and not attacking the child.”

Jaco nonchalantly moved on to the next issue at hand — with questions about the economy — but the rest of the world wasn’t so forgiving to Akin’s remarks.

Democratic National Committee chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz wrote the following email to her supporters: “Now, Akin’s choice of words isn’t the real issue here. The real issue is a Republican party — led

by Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan — whose policies on women and their health are dangerously wrong. I’m outraged at the Republicans trying to take women back to the dark ages — if you agree, join me in taking a stand for women.”

absurd. That belief that a woman’s body shuts down and the whole notion of “legitimate”/”illegitimate” rape, that’s the thing that bothers me about it. That’s just absurd. It’s not intelligent.”

Limbaugh claimed he knew what Akin was trying to say: that abortion should not be allowed, even in cases of rape. This pro-life view is one Romney shares. On his campaign website, Romney promises to overturn Roe vs.

Wade, a Supreme Court decision that limited abortions to the first trimester of pregnancy, unless the woman’s life is in danger.

As a woman between the age of 18 and 49, statistics show that I tend to lean pro-choice. According to an early May 2012 Gallup Poll, I am one of the 50 percent of that age and gender bracket who identify that way. This doesn’t mean I don’t value life. I just believe that a woman should have the right to choose. After all, it’s her body, and she will have to live with her decisions for the rest of her life. Would a child’s life really be better if the mother cannot support him or her? What about the woman who becomes pregnant after she was raped? Should she live with those memories for the rest of her life? Let’s face it: Even Rush Limbaugh said the whole business of legitimate and non-legitimate rape is absurd.

So should Akin be held accountable for his verbal blunder?

Well, as Scheibe said, “If you’re going to run for office, you got to think on your feet.”

Scheibe doesn’t think Akin should be running for office — or if he does, she wants him to lose really badly.

Right now, Stuart Rothenberg, the editor and publisher of the non-partisan newsletter The Rothenberg Political Report, ranks the Akin vs. McCaskill race to lean Democrat in favor of incumbent Claire McCaskill. It just goes to show that the world seems to agree Akin may not be the best candidate to politically represent a large demographic: women. ____________________________________ Qina Liu is a senior journalism major who wants the right to choose. Email her at qliu1@ithaca. edu.

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

PFRONT. UPFRONT. UPFRON

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Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Winds of Change

Local company develops plan for wind turbine farm

By Amanda Hutchinson

I

n a city as environmentally conscious as Ithaca, it comes as little surprise that wind energy is beginning to pick up momentum. Weaver Wind Energy has begun developing a new style of wind turbine that adjusts to changes in the conditions to optimize energy output, and Black Oak Wind Farm in Enfield is beginning construction of a farm that could ideally power all the households in Tompkins County.

Despite the benefits of using wind energy as a renewable source, many concerns arise with construction projects. Some view the large turbines as an eyesore, particularly when they are located in an area known for its scenery. Many New Englanders opposed the Cape Wind project in Massachusetts’ Nantucket Sound because the turbines would disrupt the view of the horizon. Other concerns include the safety of wildlife, as the turbines may disrupt the flight patterns of birds and scare away other animals.

Marguerite Wells, vice president and project manager for Black Oak Wind Farm said the company initially received some local backlash about the Tompkins County project. But the company offered to buy a group of opposing residents out of their property at 110 percent property value should they desire to leave. No retaliation has been received since.

In 2006, Enfield Energy began investigating sites in the area, which borders Schuyler County, and determined that the site where Black Oak Wind Farm is being developed was not only windy enough to be profitable, but the windiest spot in the county.

In 2011, wind power generating capacity grew

20-percent,

about a third of the county, or about 6,000 homes, would be powered by the wind energy.

While the aesthetic aspect has turned some locals away from the project, the response has for the most part been positive.

Wells emphasized the use of local labor to construct the farm.

“One of the things that’s pretty important to us is to use as much local labor and to inject as much cash locally as we can,” Wells said. “We’re not going to be bringing in crews from farther afield to do work that can be done by local people.”

Though not directly affiliated with other local wind farms such as the Crown City Wind Energy Center in Cortland County, Wells said that Black Oak Wind Farm is “pretty pleased to have them as [their] neighbors” because the location of their projects here reflects well on the Enfield farm’s location.

Bardaglio also emphasizes the local aim of the project, as it will “show other communities that they can move forward with wind projects of this size and scale.”

The wind farm idea is nothing new, but the community ownership sets Black Oak Wind Farm apart from the other farms in the state.

“By and large, the residents of Enfield can’t wait to see it happen,” Wells said. ____________________________________ Amanda Hutchinson is a sophomore journalism major who gets her energy from a pinwheel. Email her at ahutchi2@ithaca.edu.

Wind power

Europe

which is only responsible for

44-percent of

still has a long way to go in the states,

2.8 percent of power contribution in the United States.

is the largest regional market, with

the world total.

Upfront

by making it 2-percent of total electricity generation.

“Because of the way the wind interacts with the turbines, every doubling in wind speed is an 8-time increase in power,” Wells said. “So the three-milean-hour difference between 14 miles per hour [of other locations in the county] and 17 miles per hour [at this location] is the difference between a profitable project and not.”

The location was also ideal because a transmission line was already in the area, enabling the company to easily connect to the New York State Electric and Gas Corporation electricity grid.

NYSEG allows customers to purchase wind energy credits, which enables the company to incorporate more wind energy into the grid.

“Just think of the state grid as this big bathtub, and these electrons go into it,” Peter Bardaglio, president of Black Oak Wind Farm’s board said.

“We’re trying to put in as many electrons in that bathtub that are generated by wind power and to displace the ones generated by fossil fuel.”

Construction was originally planned for at least 10 turbines, but limits on spacing dropped the number to seven.

Turbines placed too closely together will interfere with each other’s wind.

The project is slated for completion in late 2013 or early 2014.

With these seven turbines, Black Oak Wind Farm could power every household in the county under ideal conditions. Realistically, however, the number is much lower.

“The capacity factor is the percentage of time that they’re actually generating electricity,” Wells said. “They’re going to be running at about 35 to 40 percent capacity factor.” So, in reality,

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A Royal Treatment Dubai’s hidden lower class

By Ysabel Mullarky

T

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

he Dubai International Airport has no walls in the terminals.

In the crushing midday heat — more than 120 degrees Fahrenheit in the dry months — walls would be of no use. It is a practical measure, so this is not what makes Dubai unusual. What is strange is that, while standing with my back facing the night wind and sand dunes at 3 a.m. in the summer of 2008, I was staring at the counter of a Burger King, exactly like a thousand other Burger Kings I have seen. This is the feeling of Dubai; while civilization shines its fluorescent light in your face, there is always sand blowing at your ankles.

Saurabh Saraswat has lived in Dubai almost his entire life. He has seen it evolve from a small, riverside trade community into the large, industrial nation as we think of it today. He said Dubai has always had this city air that felt so out of place.

“Even after development and riches came to the area, the [urban] mindset did not change,” Saraswat said. He explained that Dubai had always been something of a melting pot, but he saw the influx of Western culture as the end to the way that cultures used to mix and combine.

“The ‘new’ Dubai post-development is not as much of a melting pot as it was before,” he said.

This is evident, walking through the Dubai Mall or the sprawling supermarkets. While American brands pop up inside these air-conditioned islands, as soon as you step outside there is a

whole other world waiting. As Saraswat put it, “there are some central facets [of the culture] that should be respected … some things you just don’t do here.”

What we think of as the new and fancy Dubai exists alongside an older and more insular Dubai, one that is holding onto its identity tightly, even in the face of a massive influx of immigrants. This might seem like something people from from the United States “would see as an affront or violation of [their] independence,” but Saraswat viewed it as a small price to pay for what the government has done for him. And my, what it has done for him.

The UAE is governed by seven ruling families, each of which used to own their own Emirate individually, but which have now combined to function like heads of state. There has been enough intermarriage among the families that they are no longer recognizable individual units but are instead the singular ruling class of Dubai.

When I asked Saraswat about foreign investment in Dubai, he said it was enormous “due to no taxation.”

This left me awe-struck. I asked Saraswat how the “safest place [he] ever lived” could also not collect taxes.

He replied that the government is run with oil money, handed down through the royal family.

Suddenly it became clear why he preferred not to talk at length about the government and politics of the region: Immigrants who move to Dubai are greeted by tax-free industry, the ability to start a multibillion dollar hotel without worrying about the

Images by Ysabel Mullarsky

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usual obligations to the government.

Of course working people don’t want to say anything about Sheikh Mohammad’s lifelong rule. Saraswat himself works in the financial sector, and his father worked in a similar sector.

But what of those people who cannot speak?

When asked about poverty Saraswat said that it existed but was obviously not a systemic problem. Of course, his view may be limited. A recent investigation by Johann Hair of The Independent into the living and working conditions of unskilled laborers in Dubai found that they are not adequately compensated for their time, nor do they work in safe conditions.

During my time there, the only sign of a lower class was that bottled water was incredibly cheap, roughly 30 cents for two liters. When I asked my father, who was working at an advertising firm in downtown Dubai, why, he said it was because the workers needed to be able to afford water. If it was any more expensive they would die of dehydration. While I don’t think that this disparity was invisible to Saraswat, he did not seem bothered by it.

“If the global economy causes belts to tighten ... well then belts shall tighten here too,” he said.

For him it seemed to be another facet of all the changes to Dubai. With the increase in industry there had also been an increase in poverty — distressing but not unusually so. ____________________________________ Ysabel Mullarky is a freshman applied psychology major who is still picking sand from her Burger King. Email her at ymullar1@ithaca.edu.

Converting Class The different meanings of fancy across cultures

By Nicole Arocho Hernández

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both Spanish and English, starting in think this is the one element every kindergarten all the way through se- country agrees on: Fancy is a word nior year of high school. Some people associated with money. In traveling, have told me my accent is cool, even this would be the overall cost of your to the point of saying they wished they trip. had an accent to feel like they stand For both Zhu and Hu, the experience out in the crowd. But others have told of living in other cultures has made me I have a perfect American accent, them realize how different the meanand they assume I am an ing of fancy can be between American. In New two countries. I grew up Zealand, however, with both American and my Kiwi friends Latin American culture loved my accolliding, assimilating cent because and contrasting each there, an other. Back home, American acAmerican culture is cent isn’t fanfancy just because cy or exotic, it is foreign from but a Puerto our Latin American Rican accent roots. was definitely The foreignism of something American culture they weren’t is what makes it used to. fancy for countries Timmy Hu, like Puerto Rico a second-year or New Zealand, law student or sometimes even at the UniverChina. The problem sity of Auckland is that that same forLaw, can relate to eignness is what catamy story. He moved pults other cultures as Image by Anika Steppe from China to New Zea“exotic,” which can become land when he was 11 years old. He a derogatory term. We have to be very knew no English, but it was American careful with our language when demovies and literature that helped him scribing other cultures. “Fancy” and learn the language. Thus, his accent “exotic” may not seem like terms that is slightly Kiwi, but primarily Ameri- would offend people, but their politican. cal connotations are obvious to many “My friends don’t tell me anything people. And yet, sometimes I find myabout my accent anymore,” Hu said. self describing countries like Thailand “But it was tough in school when I or Morocco as exotic. was younger.”

Fancy is not used to describe culI told Hu that New Zealand is an tures, but more so the particulars exotic destination for any American, of the culture, like food or fashion. and truly for anyone from a Western Generalizing can be harmful because country. He laughed at me. countries have many fancy and not “New Zealand is not like Thailand, so fancy aspects to them. As tourists, for God’s sake!” we have to look past our unconscious Again, the link between exotic and ideas of other cultures that shape non-Western cultures was uncon- our expectations before we get off the sciously recognized. plane.

Krowiak described fancy traveling ____________________________________ as flying in first class and staying in Nicole Arocho Hernández is a junior five-star hotels. Thanks to his dad, he writing major who is universally fancy. has traveled for free to Rome, Paris Email her at narocho1@ithaca.edu. and other “fancy” travel destinations.

I have never stayed in a five-star hotel or traveled in first class, but I

17

Upfront

hen I asked IC junior English major Zachary Krowiak the meaning of fancy, he thought of night balls with people wearing tuxedos and long gowns. This image was in the mind of many when I asked what fancy meant to them.

But what about its meaning in traveling, in experiencing other cultures and traditions firsthand?

“Fancy is a very class-distinctive word,” Krowiak, the son of a pilot, said.

Fancy is a word we barely use to describe our traveling ventures. Its political connotations of the superiority of Western culture make “fancy” a word that is limited to European or American countries. For Asian and African countries, the term “exotic” is more common, in big part thanks to the media and traces of Imperialism.

If our destination is not catalogued as exotic, we call it “elegant,” or “sophisticated.”

Junior IMC major Yiwei Zhu, originally from China, agrees.

“When I think of fancy, I think of Paris, or Barcelona,” Zhu said. “Sitting in an expensive restaurant, eating with wine and live music. But people call countries in Asia exotic because they are so different from countries in Europe and America.”

Zhu thought of America as fancy before she came to the U.S. “Every Chinese kid thinks that the U.S. is the best place in the world. The culture, the fashion, the accent; they are all coveted,” she said.

When I went abroad to Auckland, New Zealand last fall, New Zealanders were obsessed with American culture, and out of 10 of my friends, seven wanted to travel to the United States after graduation. It was the accents that they cherished the most. They found American accents cool, hip and even sexy. However, nobody used the word ‘fancy.’ Usually they called American culture “cool,” “sweet” or simply “better.”

As a Puerto Rican myself, sometimes I get a slight accent when speaking English, since Spanish is my first language. Puerto Rico is an unincorporated U.S. territory, so our educational curriculum includes learning

Hidden Gems

Some families donate rather than flaunt their wealth

By Kaley Belval

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

T

he United States has an idealized view of wealth: that it will ensure happiness, solve personal problems and change a person’s entire life. For those who are wealthy, however, these assumptions can prove untrue.

Henry van Vuuren, a sophomore at Ithaca College, is just like any other student. But one thing differs: his family is wealthy, the level of wealthy where asking for $1000 was never a problem. van Vuuren said his family has multiple houses around the world and three yachts.

Born in Cape Town, South Africa, van Vuuren’s parents’ heritage goes back hundreds of yearsbut his family was never very wealthy. When his father began selling insurance and his mother started working, they eventually rose to upper class status. Soon van Vuuren’s mother became even wealthier than his father.

A f t e r s o m e time, van Vuuren’s parents divorced, and he and his m o t h e r moved to the United States.

His mother, Carin van Vuuren, worked in marketing, and remarried a man who worked for an architectural design company.

After investing money in the stock market, their

18

wealth increased and they moved to Scarsdale.

“Living in a rich town definitely is not easy because … your family has to be able to put down wealth to live there, but you have to be able to sometimes act like a rich person,” van Vuuren said. “It’s a very superior-inferior type of deal.”

Surrounded by money through high school, he said he wasn’t very popular because he had not known his classmates from the time of kindergarten. Van Vuuren said the majority of his peers only started to be nice to him after they discovered his family’s wealth, something he has tried to hide.

When h e

Image by Anika Steppe

came to Ithaca College, van Vuuren decided not to discuss his wealth unless someone asked him directly.

He doesn’t wear expensive clothing, drive a car or enjoy many of the other luxuries that his finances could afford him.

“It’s weird because when people know you have money, they start asking you for favors,” he said. “And they actually treat you differently because they know that you can put up the money and you don’t want that kind of treatment.”

Wealthy people, van Vuuren has found, can lack the values and personality that he values in his friends no matter their socio-economic class.

“Often times I see in rich people, there’s not a lot of substance,” he said. “Like when you get over the wealth factor, those people, they’re very shallow. They don’t have a lot to offer.

They can’t really hold a conversation because without their money, they’re not really anything.”

If van Vuuren never moved to the United States, he would be in a very different societal position.

“If I lived in South Africa, I think I would be in a completely different class system as I would be now,” he said. “I think that I would probably be in like, a medium to poor class, because my father isn’t doing as well as my parents are.”

Through his mother’s example, van Vuuren knows that nothing comes easy, and that wealth has to be earned through hard work and dedication. No matter how wealthy his family is, they do not brag because they

strive to be modest and donate to charitable causes. They donate their clothing when they no longer need it and once donated a car that they didn’t use. They balance what they want with what they need instead of buying everything that is appealing to them.

“

such as vacations.

“When it comes to money, we try to balance what we want (here/ now) and what we need (short/longterm),” Ms. van Vuuren said. “[We] take care of the important things first, like home, education, retirement, health.”

“We care about character and values.

Wealth can be fleeting.Values and character are enduring qualities and the real source of happiness.”

- Carin van Vuuren

”

She said she doesn’t think wealth should affect how people act towards others. She and her family do not focus on their wealth as a core of their personalities, but instead on whom they are as individuals.

“The desire to ‘have’ things or to be considered wealthy creates pressure on individuals (adults and children) to behave differently,” Ms. van Vuuren said. “We care about character and values. Wealth can be fleeting. Values and character are enduring qualities and the real source of happiness.”

Those values are what keep the van Vuurens grounded, even though they are wealthy.

“It is important to remember that we are all humans, and no one is born ‘better’ than anyone else,” she said. “This keeps everything in perspective and ensures that you can be grounded in your outlook on life.”

The van Vuurens are not the only wealthy people who try to define themselves as more than their income bracket. Aaron Jackson, a 31-year-old from Destin, Fla., started a charity called Planting Peace.

His grandfather was an architect who helped develop large resorts around the country and he lived on one growing up.

“I guess I was just very fortunate to have many doors opened for me, but I don’t think the being rich aspect was ever thought of any differently,” he said. “And in the place

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Upfront

“She always taught me to push yourself as much as you can go,” van Vuuren said of his mother. “You have to work for money because no one’s gonna give it to you and that really carries on to my own beliefs, and I feel like she’s raised me really, really right.”

Van Vuuren is a planned studies double major in psychology and music. He hopes to create a music therapy major and help disabled children find an outlet through the use of music, even though it is not a profitable career.

“I want to do something that I love,” van Vuuren said. “I really don’t care about the money, so that’s how I know that [my upbringing and values] has affected me already.”

Carin van Vuuren is currently the Chief Marketing Officer at Usablenet. She has worked with brand consulting and management for the past decade, including some Fortune 500 and global businesses.

“We don’t think of ourselves as wealthy,” she said. “But rather consider ourselves fortunate to have had good career opportunity resulting from hard work and professional commitment.”

Due to the fact that hard work has been the basis upon which Ms. van Vuuren earned her wealth, she thinks about spending in terms of its relationship to what is necessary. Once that is covered, she then considers spending money on things

that I’m from, in Destin, pretty much everybody has money, so it’s not a big deal around here.”

When Jackson went to college, he didn’t do very well and decided to go backpacking around the world with his girlfriend. They started in Costa Rica and once there, Jackson found his passion.

“I saw a lot of poverty and it really just kind of woke me up, and that’s when I decided that I was going to come back and open up a charity,” Jackson said.

He started Planting Peace when he was 22 with John Dieubon after working for Homeless Voice in Florida. Planting Peace promotes peace in the world through different avenues, currently focusing on de-worming children in developing countries. Their goal is to de-worm one million children every month, with pills that costs only one and a half cents each.

“I think it’s kind of a shame, you know, that the world is such an abundant and wealthy place and yet people are literally dying over something that costs a penny,” Jackson said.

The organization is now entering a decade of existence, with more projects being developed to promote peace. Jackson thinks that his involvement in the organization has changed his view of wealth.

“I feel the world kind of strives to, everybody wants to either wants to become rich, I should say the majority either wants to become rich or get rich or however you wanna look at it,” he said. “And I find that even the rich or the wealthy that nothing is ever enough.”

Through Planting Peace, Jackson found that everyone could pitch in a little more time or money to make the world a better place. He hopes that through his organization, people have a better chance of surviving disease and creating a peaceful world. ___________________________________ Kaley Belval is a sophomore documentary studies and production major who pays for everything in pennies. Email her at kbelval1@ithaca.edu.

Behind Golden Bars

Would luxury prisons work for American criminals?

By Mariah Flaim

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

L

uxury Prisons. It is a term that makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Why on earth would a prison be luxurious? Why do prisoners deserve any luxuries? What exactly is a luxury prison? One may imagine celebrity criminals trying to bling out their orange jumpsuits or rich criminals bribing guards to give them nicer sheets and food.

Turns out, one prison in Norway gives the term “luxury prison” a whole new meaning. It is a place that gives prisoners the “luxury” of actually getting better and seeing the error of their ways. This is a luxury that many criminals do not get in the United States, but it is one that these criminals might deserve.

Bastoy Prison in Norway has been acclaimed as the cushiest prison in the world. It could be compared to the many prisons in which upper class criminals go in the United States, such as Alderson in West Virginia — better known as “Camp Cupcake” according to NBC News — where Martha Stewart served her sentence for obstruction of justice and lying to investigators. That comparison would do it no justice though. What is different about Bastoy is that it houses violent criminals.

John Sutter of CNN named it the holiday version of Alcatraz in his article entitled “Welcome to the World’s Nicest Prison.” His nickname is spot on.

In his article, John Sutter describes Bastoy and it’s many surprising luxuries. Bastoy Prison is located on a small island surrounded by one and a half miles of water. According to Sutter’s article, prisoners have access to a beach where they can sunbathe and an assortment of fresh farm products.

In a phone interview, Sutter agreed that “summer camp” would be a fair way to read this place. Everyday from 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m., prisoners work jobs such as tending horses, gardening, working at the bookstore and chopping down trees. There are no uniforms for inmates. They wear what they want, as so do most of the guards.

Sutter said the most surprising thing about the prison “was how [the prisoners] were milling about so free-

20

ly.”

He witnessed inmates coming and going as they pleased, and noticed they are only required to check in with guards every few days. Some are even allowed to go off the island to work toward the end of their sentences and are just expected to return back everyday.

There are many other prisons in Norway just like this.

Statistics from Time magazine in 2010 state that around 20 percent of criminals in Norway wind up back in prison within two years of their release, while the U.S. and U.K. have a rate of about 50 to 60 percent.

Norway has a lower crime rate to begin with, but one can wonder if this is because they have such a supportive and rehabilitative mindset there. That is a question that can get many minds reeling and wondering if the United States should adopt such a system.

John Laskowitz, associate professor of sociology at Ithaca College, thinks it would take a pretty big change in mindset of Americans if this type of prison were to be put in the United States. He does not feel a rehabilitative focus would be accepted in our culture. “ [We] blame crime on the criminal and do not like to think about the social forces that contribute to crime and addiction,” Laskowitz said.

“We love punishment and think that harshness will be a general deterrent to others. We are very wrong in that assumption.”

Attorney and prison expert Michele Deitch, who was awarded one of the most prestigious prizes for individuals working on criminal justice policy reform, thinks there are very few offenders that need to be locked up at all.

“We need to do a much better job of locking up people we are truly afraid

of and not just the people we are angry at,” Deitch said.

She is a big believer in providing offenders with services that they need.

Image by Evan Spitzer

Norwegian prisons like Bastoy give a safe place where criminals can reflect on their lives, grow as human beings and fix themselves.

To Deitch, our jailing system will get better once we stop locking so many people up and start helping them. Deitch’s idea would downsize the need for a lot of prisons here, giving our nation more of the nurturing and rehabilitative mindset that the Norwegians have.

For most people, it isn’t until we see a prison such as Bastoy that we either question our own system or stand even firmer for it. Both nations have very different ways of dealing with criminals, but it is interesting to imagine what it would be like if they both took a page from each other’s book. We could change our policies not only to help our criminals get on the right track, but to better our understanding and compassion for one another as a whole. ____________________________________ Mariah Flaim is a freshman journalism major who wouldn’t mind going to summer camp in Norway. Email her at mflaim1@ithaca.edu.

Carrying the Torch

An alumna’s journey to the London Olympics

By Bethany George

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ine girls, one boat, and the desire to get the gold. Meghan Musnicki, an Ithaca alumna, was among those nine girls on the United States Olympic crew team.

Musnicki was born in 1983 in Naples, N.Y. In high school her favorite sport was basketball, and she was sure she would continue the sport at St. Lawrence University in Canton, N.Y. As a freshman at St. Laurence University, Musnicki decided to try rowing on a whim, not realizing what was truly in store for her. Off the court and into the current, from shooting to sculling, Musnicki made a decision that would one day get her the gold.

In 2002, the second semester of her freshman year, Musnicki’s father, Bill Musnicki, passed away from a heart attack. The next year she transferred

She enjoyed sitting near the windows because she is an avid people-watcher.

At IC, Musnicki competed in the women’s eight, the same race she competed in at the Olympics. In the eight, there are nine people in the boat: eight rowers and one coxswain. “[The eight] is going to favor the athlete that’s really strong and really powerful,” Robinson explains. During her junior and senior year, the women’s eight did very well, winning the individual trophy in 2004 and the team trophy in 2004 and 2005.

Robinson described Musnicki as a confident and competitive member on the team. Although she could sense the side of Musnicki that was still dealing with her father’s death, she was committed.

“She was always someone who

“She was always someone who wanted to be in the thick of things in terms of training and working out.”

- Becky Robinson wanted to be in the thick of things in terms of training and working out,” Robinson said. During Musnicki’s senior year her mother, Gail Musnicki, donated money to dedicate a boat to her father, Bill Musnicki.

After college Musnicki had plans of attending nursing school. When she moved to Boston to work at Mass General as a secretary in internal medicine, she joined a boat club on the Charles River.

She started competing in the C.R.A.S.H. B’s, an international indoor rowing competition, and she was scouted for a training camp in Virginia. In 2008, she was invited to train with the national team. She didn’t make the team until 2010, and remained there until this year.

Musnicki’s London experience floored her. Besides the thrill of competition, she enjoyed her time abroad

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to Ithaca College to be closer to her family.

When Musnicki began her crew career she was a novice rower, meaning she had no previous experience in the sport.

“I picked it up and never looked back,” she said.

Becky Robinson, the IC women’s crew coach, has faith in any athlete.

“If someone chooses a division III school and never had an opportunity to row and is given an opportunity, they have as much chance as making a national team as someone who has been rowing since high school,” Robinson said.

Musnicki’s experience at IC is relatable to many.

“I went to Terrace dining hall a lot because that was the biggest variety of food,” she said. She remembers spending a lot of time at the library.

shopping, watching the soccer final and getting a private tour of the Windsor Castle.

All of the rowers stayed in a satellite village, a miniature community 90 minutes from the main Olympic village and downtown London.

“It’s basically like college living, except for instead of normal college students it’s all elite athletes that are the best at what they do,” she said.

On Aug. 2, Musnicki and her team members completed the 2,000 meters race in 6:10:59, winning the United States the gold medal. When asked about her emotions Musnicki described pure elation.

“We have worked for four, six or eight years, some of us, to get to this point, to the pinnacle of the sport, which is winning the Olympic gold medal. And we did it! ... It’s super satisfying and just so joyous,” she said.

Musnicki has been traveling to various meet and greets and different speaking engagements non-stop.

“I want to make sure I do it all… It’s the least I can do with how supportive everyone is of me and my pursuit of this goal that I’ve had, so it’s important to me to show them it means a lot,” Musnicki said.

IC’s women’s crew team decided to carry on the tradition of having Bill Musnicki’s name on the boat.

“To us, being on the team and carrying on Meg’s family name is an honor. We use Meg as an inspiration throughout every practice and race.

Knowing she is our number one fan/ supporter makes us want to be better every time we are in the boat…” said senior Regina Wuest, captain of the crew team.

By this act, Musnicki is very touched.

“I think about him before every race and to know that there is a shell that has his name on it is great and very touching. It means a lot to my family and myself. I hope a lot of girls get to go fast in that boat.” ____________________________________ Bethany George is a sophomore journalism major who is going for the gold.

Email her at bgeorge2@ithaca.edu.

High Society Technology Fanciful innovations are the science and technology world

By Nick Ruck

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

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ASA recently discussed the probability of warp drive, Google is developing self-driving cars, and programs like SpaceX are commercializing space travel. Is science moving too fast for society?

Can religion and science coexist in a technology-dependent society? Modern technology is similar to what the science fiction minds of the 1950s dreamt up and now what may come to fruition in the next couple decades sounds too impressive for a Hollywood movie.

There are numer ous projects currently in development that show promise of realizing sci-fi fantasy. SpaceX is in the business of commercial space transportation that claims to have designed a spacecraft that is the most advanced and ultimately plans to take a big part in space colonization, according to their website. In May, the company successfully sent a cargo capsule to the International Space Station — the first private company to do so. Another company interested in space travel, Planetary Resources Inc., is developing technology to mine asteroids. The company has a line of elite multi-billion dollar investors that notably includes filmmaker James Cameron.

Stacey Tearne, a consultant for Planetary Resources, explained the pursuit to mine asteroids in a Mother Jones article.

“These ‘space rocks’ contain a range of minerals, from water to platinum, mining will provide sustainable resources on Earth and will afford the availability to maintain a human presence in space,” T ear ne said.

Back on earth, Google is tampe r i n g in other fields of science. In a secret lab hidden

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in California, Google is researching technologies that could make large impacts on modern life. Two projects announced to the public, Project Glass and the Google Driverless Car, have encouraged rumors of other developments by the search engine giant. Project Glass is an augmented reality head mount display on glasses that can do what a smart phone can.

Other projects that Google X Labs may be pursuing include a space elevator and Artificial Intelligence.

The 2045 Initiative is a project run

by Russian billionaire Dmitry Itskov that partnered with 30 leading Russian scientists to ultimately create a sense of immortality. The advancements listed on the 2045 project’s website include, “a robotic copy of a human body remotely controlled via BCI [brain computer interface], and an avatar in which a human brain is transplanted at the end of one’s life.”

The World Future Society through its magazine, The Futurist, takes predictions at what the world will one day showcase in forms of science and technology.

First published in 1967, The Futurist has accurately predicted some incredi ble feats of science reco g nizable today according to the deputy editor, Patrick Tucker.

“In the first issue there were a number of forecasts made by various people,” Tucker said.

“Like the Internet, the timing of the moon landing, artificial hearts, smart phones and video communication.”

There’s reason to believe that if such incredible ideas like the Internet, video communication and artificial hearts were plausible to the scientific audience in the late 1960s, then what the current scientific community is predicting could

very well happen too.

Father Carsten Martensen, the Catholic community chaplain at Ithaca College, said scientific advancement is simply human advancement .

“I wouldn’t say it’s taking over what God does, I think what we have to do is see how better we can, as human beings, care for one another,” Martensen said. “Scientists are just pushing the boundaries of present knowledge to gain more knowledge.”

Martensen said it can be dangerous, citing nuclear fusion and fission and its destructive power as an example, but these developments have also made enormous improvements in the betterment of society with things like medical advancements, including x-rays and cancer treatment.

“I don’t know if that’s science or technology that’s suggesting ethics or morality; I think it’s just pushing the boundaries [of present knowledge],” he said. “It’s human beings who have to see where this can be used for the betterment of human beings and not for their destruction.”

Tucker said there is a correlation between an increase in scientific understanding and less religiosity of people today, but it’s not necessarily causation.

“I think that you are going to see a drop off in former religious preservation in the West,” Tucker said.

He said that he thought that the decrease in religiosity in the Middle East would be for the same reasons here in the US, a decrease in scientific ignorance. However, there may be increases in faith of the modern world as well. “[There could be] an increase in religiosity in places like China where for a long time religious expression was prohibited at various levels,” Tucker said. “In the same way after the fall of the Berlin wall, you saw an increase [in] religiosity in Russia.” ____________________________________ Nick Ruck is a junior TVR major who wants to be a space miner, since astronauts are so 20th century. Email him at nruck1@ithaca.edu.

Fights in a Fancy Frenzy Divorces of wealthy couples end in tug-of-war over riches

By Natalie Paonessa

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Abramovich walked away from her divorce with Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich with $300 million, two mansions in Europe, a yacht and a private plane. In the 1970’s, Saudi billionaire Adnan Khashoggi divorced his wife, Soraya, for the mere amount of $874 million after a divorce war that lasted seven years.

T h i s amount of money may just be a small sacrifice for the millionaires of the world, but for the general populations these settlements are astronomical. According to the U.S. census, in the past 12 months the marriage rate for men and women was 36.7 percent and the corresponding divorce rate was 18.9 percent, showing nearly half the people getting married are

Image by Alexis Lanza

getting divorced too.

Although no amount of money or fame can settle the fight over your valuables, it is often “what the court feels fair” said Brette Sember, former divorce attorney and author of books such as The Complete Divorce Handbook, The Divorce Organizer and Planner, File for Divorce in New York, and many more.

“Sometimes the court will tell the couple they each get x-percent of the items and to divide them on their own,” Sember said. “[Yet] it is very

expensive to litigate the entire list of household items.”

Even neighbors, friends and employers are going through divorces that would make the average middleclass American cringe at the absurdity of the arguments. Leslie Hoffman, a New Jersey businesswoman, just divorced her husband of 11 years and was able to walk away with much more than the prenuptial agreement that guaranteed her including a large sum of money and a horse stable estate in Western Pennsylvania.

“We fought over silly, stupid things now that I look back on it,” Hoffman said. “But at the time, everything seemed ridiculously important because it would be one more thing that I couldn’t ever have again.”

A child of a wealthy divorce battle, high school student Kelsey Stevens, said her parents’ split was overwhelming beyond the emotional distress.

“Sometimes I felt invisible during their divorce,” she said. “They were arguing over gifts, cars and everything. I felt like just another piece of furniture.”

It is hard for anyone who hasn’t experienced a divorce first-hand to understand petty divorce fights occur in every class of society in different scales, Sember said. Many divorcing couples fight over material things to hurt the other.

“Material things are often symbolic and people feel that by gaining control or ‘winning’ these items they somehow ‘win’ in the divorce,” Sember said. “Also, many people feel fear at the thought of having to start over in many ways — refurnishing a house or finding a new house — so they clutch at the existing item to avoid that fear of the unknown. Trying to ‘win’ something the other person wants is sometimes a way of trying to stick it to them and get revenge.” ____________________________________ Natalie Paonessa is a freshman CMD major who says “If you aint no punk holla ‘We want prenup!’” Email her at npaones1@ithaca.edu.

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rom famous Hollywood stars to Manhattan couples, divorce fights between the rich and pretentious are becoming a more regular occurrence. The greed-fueled feuds happening behind closed doors are over lavish beach homes, familyowned business empires and Italian leather furniture. Between the historically high divorce rates and the difficult economy, perhaps for some money does not buy happiness.

In America, money and property are being tossed around because of divorce. For instance, the divorce of Madonna and Guy Ritchie in 2008 was “one of the largest payouts ever in a divorce settlement [at $76 to $92 million]” according to Liz Rosenburg, Madonna’s spokeswoman, in an article by People. Jamie McCourt relinquished her stake of the Dodgers for $131 million after her divorce w i t h F r a n k McCourt, CEO and owner of the team, in 2009. The first African-American billionaire, Robert Johnson, divorced his wife Sheila in 2000 for a little more than $400 million. Five years later, she married the judge who ruled her divorce case.

Over the years, couples from all countries have had their own share of divorce battles to rival those of the Americans. Samathur Li Kin-kan and Florence Tsang Chiu-wing had one of the highest divorce settlements in the history of China at $154 million, not including the divorce assets. Irina

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BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

I FEEL PRETTY, OH SO PRETTY The tradition of debutante balls continues in modern U.S.

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ne summer day in Austin, Texas, Emily Bowman received a letter in the mail. It arrived in a notably large envelope decorated with finely-crafted calligraphy, inviting her to take part in a longtime American tradition: a debutante ball.

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BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

ing a significant role in the selection process. The majority of debutantes, or ‘debs’ for short, are following in the footsteps of their mothers and grandmothers.

The Chattanooga, Tenn., Cotton Ball is one of the oldest debutante balls in the country and has a history of legacies. For instance, presiding queen of the Cotton Ball, Miss Conley Lupton Crimmins, had a tough pair of heels to fill. Her great aunt, both grandfathers, cousin and mother were all King or Queen of the Cotton Ball.

Balls are held across the country primarily during the winter and spring. The event itself is an extravagant display of designer clothing, filet mignon and top-of-the-line alcohol.

An extravagant display of designer clothes, five-star food, top-of-the-line alcohol and dazzling decor, the ball may seem excessive to some but is a normal party for the people of this world.

Alison Perry, a St. Louis native, re-

ers high-society events.

“The ball usually starts with the girls walking down a ‘runway’ as they make their debut,” Perry said. “The girls walking are escorted by another member of the VP and wear floorlength dresses that they usually design with long white gloves. The last seven girls who walk down the runway are the six maids of honor and the Veiled Prophet Queen— Queen of Love and Beauty. After the girls make their debut, everyone leaves the ballroom and returns soon after for the King’s Supper, which consists of dinner and dancing. This lasts until four or five in the morning and then breakfast is served. It’s an all-night affair.”

Aside from the price of a gown and additional costs for professional hair and make-up artists, the families of debutantes must pay a considerable upfront fee for their daughter to take part in the occasion. Although it varies from ball to ball, according to a Denver Post article, participation is

cently participated in the city’s annual Veiled Prophet debutante ball.

This ball was ranked one of the “Top 5 Debutante Balls Of the World” by Guest of a Guest, a website that cov-

usually a non-refundable fee of about $2,500, with additional costs for each family member and guest in attendance.

Despite the outrageous cost amid a

Photo by Kennis Ku

Accepting her invitation to the Crystal Ball Gala would mean agreeing to intensive etiquette training culminating in a grand ball several months down the road. As an out-of-state student at the University of Colorado, Boulder, she would have to return home to Texas mid-semester to attend the big event. Initially, Bowman was hesitant to accept.

“At first I thought that I wouldn’t want to accept it. I was going to be in school; there would be a lot of work around it and I wasn’t sure how much I cared,” Bowman, now a senior at UC Boulder, said. “I thought that I would be crazy to be flying back to be ‘presented to society’ in a big white pouffy dress.”

But the more she thought about it, her sentiment began to shift. As she reminisced of her previous ball experiences, she decided she could not pass up the opportunity.

“Remembering how I looked up to the debutantes from previous years when I had been a Junior Deb or just in attendance at the event, I started to want to be in it more,” Bowman said.

“I took it as sort of an honor to be invited to be a debutante and thought of it as rude to decline their invitation.”

The debutante ball, also known as a cotillion, is an age-old tradition foreign to many northeastern and west coast citydwellers, but longembraced by a core group of wealthy Americans, especially in the South.

Debutantes were a coming of age ceremony that began in Victorian Era England to present eligible young women into high society for the first time.

The ball is an exclusive function with invitations granted to collegeaged females typically based on grades, moral character and extracurricular activities, with family ties play-

“

You have to hang out with these people and learn these dances and learn how to be a lady, which is really silly,” Tara Boggarm, another debutante participate from Texas, said. “Men can also be a part of it but they don’t put them through the same things.

- Tara Boggarm

”

“It’s for the VP members’ daughters to make their ‘debut’ and be presented to their society but today, I think its treated more like a big party,” Perry said. “It’s fun to get to see all your friends from different schools around St. Louis and party together in one place.”

News coverage of the events has changed significantly over the years.

According to Harriet Lipnick who has resided in St. Louis for more than 60 years, build-up for the event has disappeared from local papers and airwaves.

“Throughout the year the paper used to announce the girls who would debut in the ball,” Harriet Lipnick, a St. Louis resident said. “We’d also all hear about the floats coming to the parade and want to go see them. They don’t have floats like they used to.”

Nowadays, emphasis tends to be put on the fundraising component of the balls. When asked what the purpose of the event was, participants were quick to note the charitable nature of the ball.

“The ball is also a really great way to raise money for the Helping Hand Home for Children,” Bowman said.

“The tables at the ball are always ridiculously expensive and people are really generous at the silent auction so I think that has somewhat taken over the spotlight as well.”

Each ball raises money for a local charity, and hundreds of thousands of dollars are raised by debutante balls across the country every year.

Earlier this year, the Denver Post reported that the Denver Debutante Ball picked a new beneficiary. Rather than donating proceeds to the Denver Symphony Orchestra, which it has raised $4.2 million for since 1956, money will now go to the Denver Bo-

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recession, the number of debutante balls has multiplied in recent years.

The St. Louis Veiled Prophet Ball used to be an opportunity for the daughters of prominent residents to find suitors within the Veiled Prophet organization. Nowadays, with marriage far from most 18-year-old minds, the significance of the ball has shifted. It is now about becoming a part of a larger community— an upper class community— rather than finding a husband.

“The purpose used to be to present the women to society as eligible for marriage. I think that probably the only part of that that is still relevant is the being presented to society part but more as an adult than a hopeful young wife,” Bowman said.

In spite of this change, which recognizes the growing independence of young women, girls continue to parade around on stage curtsying, wearing wedding dresses and behaving just as they are told.

“You have to hang out with these people and learn these dances and learn how to be a lady, which is really silly,” Tara Boggarm, another debutante participate from Texas, said. “Men can also be a part of it but they don’t put them through the same things.”

In the 21st century, people with so much privilege still revert back to these antiquated gender roles. Even if it is just a ball, these are patriarchal customs continuing in a progressively modernized world.

Another reason for participation is the social aspect of the event. Participants spend months preparing, shopping and looking forward to a night of fine food and drinks, good friends and dancing until the wee hours of the morning.

tanical Gardens.

In addition to money raised at the event itself, the debs are required to do many hours of community service prior to the big day.

“The VP actually does a lot for the community,” Perry said. “All the girls who walk in the ball are required to do many hours of community service over the years to benefit the city of St. Louis.”

However, efforts to build community and bridge social inequality are invalidated when the attendees of these balls are evaluated.

“I was the only person who wasn’t white except for another girl who was Hispanic,” Boggaram, who’s parents immigrated from India, said. “I do that think that those stereotypes and historical motivations are kind of reinforced.”

The deliberate exclusion of minorities and blue-collar workers raises serious cause for concern. While ball committees claim to be slowly bridging this racial and class gap, debutante balls are largely white.

“I think the experience opened my eyes to a lot of age-old traditions,” Bowman said. “While these traditions don’t mean the same things that they used to, it’s still pretty cool to think about the fact that you’re doing something that so many generations before you have done. It’s like you’re included in that piece of history.”

But too often over-looked is the history of racial discrimination and class distinction. Only a small, elite portion of the society is actually “included” in this “city-wide” tradition. Debutante balls function to strengthen the binary of wealthy charity-givers and poor receivers, reinforcing a social structure of inequality.

Debutante balls are an idea of the past kept alive by elitist families and organizations. Despite the philanthropic facade, it is another way for the wealthy to secure and reinforce their economic standing.

Debutante balls may well be an American tradition but its a tradition of privilege that may not be worth keeping. ____________________________________ Abby Sophir is a junior TVR major who would rather play in the mud than wear a dress. Email her at gsophir1@ithaca.edu.

Buzzsaw Takes a Bite... ... of Ithaca’s best brunch locales

By Cady Lang

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reakfast may be the most important meal of the day and dinner a satisfyingly hearty affair, but brunch is without a doubt, the fanciest of meals. Even the idea of brunch is rooted in a delicious decadence — sleeping in, enjoying a leisurely meal in the late morning, often staving off the effect of last night’s shenanigans.

Brunch, a rather self-explanatory meld of “breakfast” and “lunch” is thought to have originated in London by college students, as is evidenced

by Punch magazine in 1896: “To be fashionable nowadays we must ‘brunch’. Truly an excellent portmanteau word, introduced, by the

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BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

Carriage House Three words for why you need to go to the Carriage House: brie French toast. This wickedly rich combination is well-worth the perpetual wait at this Collegetown eatery. Grab a coffee or baked good and head to the airy top floor/sitting room of the restaurant to wait and people-watch families and Cornell prepsters.

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Café Dewitt The Café Dewitt features a fresh, seasonal menu with natural ingredients. Located in the middle of the Dewitt Mall, it might lack ambience but it’s the best bang for your buck brunch in Ithaca.

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way, last year, by Mr. Guy Beringer, in the now defunct Hunter’s Weekly, and indicating a combined breakfast and lunch.”

The aforementioned Mr. Beringer had indicated that brunch would allow fun-loving individuals to stay out later and get drunker on Saturday nights, while letting them sleep later on Sunday mornings, citing that, “brunch would make life brighter for Saturday night carousers.”

Now brunch culture has evolved; often called New York’s favorite meal, it has been immortalized in pop culture through countless Sex and the City episodes and the social doyennes of Guest of a Guest. What was once

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Hai Hong Try dim sum (Chinese brunch) at Hai Hong for a uniquely delectable brunch. At dim sum, many small dishes are shared family-style by the table, so you can taste everything. The fried taro cakes, wu tau goh, are reason enough to visit.

an innovation for a hangover has now become a socially charged affair. This doesn’t mean, however, that hangover recovery is not a factor; on the contrary, brunch may now be the reason for hangovers, with many restaurants now offering “boozy” or “bottomless” brunch with deals for unlimited mimosas and Bloody Marys for those who need a little boost to start their day.

Buzzsaw wholeheartedly believes in Saturday night carousing and making life brighter the next day, so here’s a list of the best places to grab brunch in Ithaca after a night of festivities.

ical greasy-spoon fare. Rumor has it, if your party is nine or larger, they’ll cut your bill in half.

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Mano’s A homey joint somewhat similar to the more popular State Street Diner, but here they’ll give you home fries for free with your brunch Collegetown Bagels entrée.

CTB, a perennial student favorite, has Sunset Grille a plethora of choices for A mere hop, skip brunching. From sandand a jump from wiches to baked goods (or, campus, facing Rogan’s, of course, their famous the Sunset Bar and Grille bagels,) there’s something serves a great brunch. Try for everyone. the western omelet, and enjoy the fall weather State Street Diner while you can with their Open 24 hours, al fresco dining. this classic diner ____________________________________ Lang is a junior journalcaters to the late night/ Cady ism major who prefers beignets to early morning crowd with the traditional donut. Email her at breakfast classics and typ- clang1@ithaca.edu.

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Ministry of Cool

OL. MINISTRYofCOOL. MIN-

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Lifestyles of the Rich, Famous and Young A look at how the privileged are portrayed

By Francesca Toscano

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

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can sum up the winter of 2007 in two words: Gossip Girl.

Instead of attending depressing school mixers like the standard high school freshman, I was curled up on the couch, entranced by faux Manhattan socialites. It was the perfect escape for an awkward pubescent Jersey girl; I could experience a fabulous city life without having to get in a car and drive a half hour.

Plus, I could eat carbs while doing it. I was living the American dream.

As a junior in college, I have yet to escape the grasp of trashy television.

My knowledge of Kardashian facts is remarkable and my ability to recite Real Housewives catchphrases borders on pathetic. However, I have accepted that these shows are not actual reflections of upscale urban life, but dramatic representations for entertainment purposes—or so I thought.

Gavin Samples, a 17 year old from Crespi Carmelite High School in Calabasas, Calif., leads a life that many reality-obsessed individuals such as myself would consider undeniably fabulous.

However, when questioned about his famous neighbors, he responds with a nonchalant coolness.

“The Calabasas Commons usually has celebrities walking around,” he said. “Justin Bieber goes there sometimes, but they are just normal people. I’m friends with Kendall and Kylie Jenner. I don’t really consider them famous.”

While a Jenner sister sighting would put me into anaphylactic shock, Samples is relaxed regarding such celeb spottings. He explained that life as a Calabasas teen may seem unbelievable, but to him this lifestyle is completely normal.

“I hang out with friends a lot, go to the

movies,” Samples said. “I can surf in the mornings before school which is awesome. For me, it’s just normal life and what I am used to.”

However, not all upscale city folk believe that the highlife is everyday life.

Harrison Asen, Ithaca College junior and native to Manhattan’s Upper East Side, said he believes that such stereotypes are entirely circumstantial.

“It’s more of a situational and personal thing than something that can be applied to so many people,” he said.

When questioned about the stereotypes created through shows such as Gossip Girl, Asen was immediately outraged. He finds shows like Gossip Girl to be offensive to the majority of New York City kids.

“Gossip Girl is a piece of garbage,” Asen said. “Sure, there are really rich, snobby kids at these private schools, but everything is exaggerated. Some kids are loaded, some aren’t. Gossip Girl chooses to portray those who are loaded and make that into a stereotype.”

Additionally, Asen was appalled by the ways in which Gossip Girl portrays partying in private high schools.

“Most kids I knew that drank in high school would drink in houses and not go out to clubs,” he said. “Gossip Girl creates such a warped image of the party scene.”

Asen also noted while fast-paced urban life can force children to mature faster, but not necessarily in a negative way.

“I think in some ways growing up in Manhattan can make people grow up faster,” Asen said. “For me, I became more independent.”

Perhaps everyday life in an upscale metropolis is not directly correlated with drama and celebrity. However, it never hurt anyone to live vicariously through the fabulously fictitious characters seen on television.

Upon asking Samples if his life mirrors that of California-based reality shows, he replied with a familiar casualness.

“I haven’t really seen those shows like Laguna Beach or 90210,” he said.

Then again, why watch those shows when real life is so much cooler? ______________________________________ Francesca Toscano is a junior IMC major who was once on Toddlers & Tiaras — you may know her as Honey Boo-Boo Child. Email her at ftoscan1@ithaca.edu.

Image by Marc Phillips

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Just My Cup of Tea

The vast difference of tea’s role across cultures

By Kacey Deamer

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selecting the right tea,” according to the Seven Cups website. “In addition to fragrance, shape and taste, the tea should have a beautiful story and name.”

This elaborate ceremony is vastly different from the U.S. choice of which Tazo tea to select at the local Starbucks.

Even the United Kingdom, a place where high tea is a regular occurrence, doesn’t have as fanciful a ceremony as the Chinese. Though, they do have crumpets.

Denise LeCroy, the author behind the recently-launched Tea in England, grew up in the suburbs of Chicago but married “a tea-drinking Brit” and moved to England where she now resides and blogs about all things tea. Denise is also a UK Tea Council Tea Masterclass graduate, which she explains in the blog as “when it comes to tea, I can talk for England.”

A recent post about the British tradition of afternoon tea took a fancy take as she voyaged for “Afternoon Tea at Sea,” a tea time aboard the Queen Mary 2 ocean liner. Denise described the unique experience of afternoon tea at sea in her post.

“Afternoon Tea is served at 3:30 every afternoon on the Queen Mary 2,” she wrote. “When everyone is seated, white gloved waiters emerge carrying pots of tea and silver platters with sandwiches, scones, and cakes.”

While not all afternoon tea experiences in the U.K. include white gloved waiters, the tea drinking experience is an affair in its own right.

These customs and cultural traditions of tea drinking carried over to the U.S. through immigrants but have not become a uniquely American tea drinking culture. Perhaps someday there will be a specific brew favorited by U.S. residents as the case with the Bengalis. Or serving tea could develop into a performance rather than simply a way of sustenance. White gloves would be a fancy addition for U.S. tea drinkers who may pass on the crumpets.

Whichever custom develops, it is high time that the U.S. has a tea culture rather than just tea drinkers. ______________________________________ Kacey Deamer is a senior journalism major who thinks the tea party should stay in Wonderland. Email her at kdeamer1@ithaca.edu.

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Ministry of Cool

reen, black or herbal? Cream role in her daily life, and a part of that or sugar? Perhaps some honey? culture is tea.

From fine china to travel mugs, “Bengalis love chai,” Mahfuz said of tea can be found across the globe and their tea of choice. “If you ever go to a each society has a special approach to Bengali’s house, they will almost always tea drinking. There is a culture behind ask you if you would like chai.” tea, from Beyond the the United social custom Kingdom of offering to the chai tea to countries guests, there of Asia. are other speBut in the cifics to the U.S. tea tea consumpis a comtion. modity, “ T h e r e not a cularen’t any tural tradispecific cultion. There tural ways are no of actually ceremodrinking the nies to celtea,” Mahfuz ebrate the said. “Howbrew, no ever, most customs people drink on how with their it should right hands be confor religious sumed. In reasons, [as fact, the a] majority of U.S. lacks Bengalis are any conMuslims.” nection to The ability tea beyond to brew chai drinking is also a sign it. of a woman’s Mehta“housewife sim Mahcapabilities,” fuz was Mahfuz said.

Photo by Alexis Lanza born and The conraised in the U.S. She attended a pub- nection between tea and society is not lic high school in Binghamton, N.Y. and limited to the people of Bangladesh. is now a pre-medical student at Stony Chinese tea ceremonies are multidiBrook University. But Mahfuz’s family mensional and an important part of the is from Bangladesh. Her family moved Chinese tradition. According to Seven from the Asian nation well before Mah- Cups, a fine Chinese teas shop, there fuz was born and immigrated to the U.S. are six major dimensions of performing in 1988. She was raised very much im- a Chinese tea ceremony — and it is a mersed in that culture despite the fact performance. that her family was living in the U.S. The person performing the ceremony “We eat Bengali food at home, speak should have “a happy and confident Bengali often and treat people in a typi- demeanor” while brewing the tea in “a cal Bengali manner,” Mahfuz said. “Re- graceful manner reflected through hand spect is huge in Bangladesh, especially movements, facial expressions and with your elders. There are suffixes that clothing.” we add to the end of elders’ names, like Unlike the Bengali tea of choice, chai, in Japan, and I do that with people even Chinese tea ceremonies utilize multiple if we speak English with each other.” teas depending on the occasion.

Mahfuz said her culture plays a large “There are many considerations when

The Devil Wears Discount

Our obsession with everything designer — on the cheap

By Sydney Fusto

O

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

Photo by Amanda Kirschenbaum

ne night as I was procrastinating writing this article, I clicked on a pop-up for an interesting website called TheRealReal.

This members-only website specializes in designer resale and claimed to offer big-name labels such as Dolce & Gabbanna, Lanvin, Valentino and Prada at outrageously discounted prices.

Soon enough, I found myself filling in the contact info with dreams of finding the perfect Manolo Blahniks that I could happily play out my inner Carrie Bradshaw in whenever I’m up against a deadline.

The site was interesting enough to say the least, and they did seem to have what they promised. However, as I browsed through the electronic racks of $175 dollar shirts (mind-blowingly cheap for Jean Paul Gaultier), I noticed something: Every single one of these articles of clothing was, at best, average-looking. I caught myself wondering, why do I even need these? And the answer automatically came to me.

I want to see a Jean Paul Gaultier shirt in my closet.

What is it about designers that make us seem to put on rose-colored retail glasses when making purchases? Yes, it may seem to be a good deal, but is that rather average blouse even

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worth the discount price?

Mass retail stores like Target and H&M have been taking a similar route; these stores have collaborated with designers directly for highly anticipated, limitededition exclusive lines. Within the past four years, H&M has collaborated with design houses like Lanvin and Versace, while Target has had numerous and highly successful lines with designers such as Vera Wang, Issac Mizrahi, Jason Wu and the Italian label Missoni. And every time one of these stores collaborates with a designer, the entire consumer public goes berserk.

The Missoni line may have been the biggest designer launch at Target. Customers foaming at the mouth charged the stores and website, causing merchandise to sell out before noon and the entire online store to crash, a Forbes.com article reported.

The reason for this fanaticism is deeper than simply getting a great deal. There is a very present desire to upstage and outshine one another, and as Kimberly Anderson, the marketing communications manager at Ithaca College, explained this is accomplished by putting emphasis on the designer’s name.

“They have to brand and market to individuals to make more money, reach a bigger audience,” she said. “It’s a form of brainwashing the masses into thinking they need something, they’re missing out on something.”

Flipping through any of my favorite magazines, it’s very hard not to envy the gorgeous models writhing in sumptuous Valentino gowns. These glossy, and heavily photoshopped, advertisements incite a desire to emulate the fabulousness of an unrealistic ideal.

“I think it’s fueled by insecurity,” Anderson continued. “Is owning a pair of $750 shoes really going to make me a better person?”

However, there are people who disagree. Jenny Barnett, the former executive editor-in-chief of Harper’s Bazaar and current media professor at Cornell University, explained that even though there is an aspect of aspiration to fashion, and therefore fashion has become a

much larger part of people’s lives within the recent years due to an increase in media attention to this once-exclusive world. “[Fashion] used to be more exclusive,” Barnett said. “It used to be just fashion editors who went to the fashion shows and only really the industry knew about fashion. Where now … there is much more coverage in the press … it’s become something that is more a part of mainstream life.”

Barnett explained that she considers this mainstreaming of a once notoriously exclusive industry to be both beneficial to the designer and the consumer. With the attention now given to fashion houses from people outside the industry, it opens up a much broader customer base, and the designer has to figure out a way to market their brand to every possible outlet. “[Designer collaborations] are making designer names and designer clothing much more accessible,” Barnett continued. “Of course the fabric and the material are not going to be what you would get if you were to pay the higher prices for the main line, but you are getting the expertise of an amazing designer.”

Jed Wexler, the managing director of Eight-Eighteen Strategies, a fashion consulting agency in New York City, agreed that the more a designer or a company can do to reach a bigger audience, the better.

“Any time a brand can make their products and good design more accessible to a wider audience is a good thing,” Wexler said. “I think overpaying for ‘luxury’ products only caters to the materialistic brand-junkie. Aside from that, a great collaboration exposes both brands to a whole new audience and can result in some amazing product.”

Whether or not you aspire for the Valentino gown, or are just as comfortable in a great pair of Gap jeans, Wexler explained that designers are making it easier for customers to experiment with fashion and develop our own unique style.

“Lower-priced goods from the same designers proves that individual style is no longer about how much money you have,” Wexler said. ______________________________________ Sydney Fusto is a sophomore journalism major who launching a high-end snack line—exclusively for Wegmans. Email

Time to Kick Up Your Heels

If the shoe fits...

By Karen Muller

Spine Disalignment:

The physical and social implications of women’s shoes

W

“It’s bad for your back, it’s bad for your posture … but that visual of the businesswoman with the heels is definitely more professional-looking, according to our standards in this country,” she said. “It makes women look taller and thins out their legs.

The taller aspect is a little surprising, because it [actually] makes us closer to men. The making [us] look thinner, I’d imagine is a westernized idea, because in our culture women are forced into this image of what men want us to look like. The heels are a part of that.”

While employers have the right to set standards of professionalism for their employees’ self-presentation, wearing high heels should be a personal choice, rather than an expectation. The modern concept of “professionalism” has been shaped over centuries by our culture, and since equality in the workforce is a relatively recent movement, the culture is continuing to evolve. As a result, we should question our expectations when they start to seem detrimental or impractical.

Women who feel more confident tackling the working world in heels should be able to do so, but learning how to teeter-totter around in impractical shoes should not make a woman any more qualified for the work environment unless she’s a runway model. ____________________________________ Karen Muller is a junior IMC major who thinks you could learn a lot if you walked a mile in her stilettos. Email her at kmuller1@ithaca.edu.

More UTI’s: Lordosis from spine misalignment is a condition that creates pressure in the lower spine. Your bladder can’t fully empty, and therefore you’re more prone to UTIs.

Overworn Hips: Heels shift all your weight from your entire foot to just your toes, and therefore, your body is more dependent on your hips to balance and walk than usual.

By Carly Sitzer Designed by Francesca Toscano

hat role should high heels hold in a professional working environment? This question — and the shoes themselves — stir controversy among women who aim to present themselves as professionals and equals while still maintaining comfort and free will.

Even the feminist movement is divided on the issue; some argue that heels boost a woman’s poise and confidence, while others feel that the shoes represent a double-standard in selfpresentation that puts female workers at a disadvantage.

While heels aren’t required in every professional workplace, many women still feel compelled to wear them in order to maintain a polished image.

Caryanne Keenan, assistant director for career development at Ithaca College, explained that this oncestandard notion of professionalism is changing.

“That visual of the businesswoman with the heels is definitely more professional-looking, according to our standards in this country,” she said. “That is a little more old-school, but some places are becoming a little more human-friendly, to realize that that’s the most uncomfortable thing in the world to wear all the time. Like at banks, I’ve noticed it’s more common for women even if they are wearing a suit to wear professional-looking flats, that’s become more acceptable.”

Keenan is of the opinion that the heels are an indicator of the ongoing struggle for equality in a maledominated workplace.

don’t wear it.

Ministry of Cool

Photo by Amanda Kirschenbaum

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Get Off Your High, Dancing Horse When and why did the movie industry become so desperate?

By Miranda Materazzo

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

M

ost would probably guess that the term “dressage” refers to something French people do when no one is looking. But it is actually a form of equestrianism; that is, the skill of riding a horse. In fact, along with jumping and crosscountry style riding, dressage is one of the three equestrian sports in the Olympics.

Stephen Colbert (and countless others) mocked this snobbish sport and dismissed it as “horse dancing.”

This highbrow hobby first came into mainstream spotlight when it was discovered that Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney and his wife Ann own a horse that would be performing dressage in the 2012 Olympics. The horse, Rafalca, is one of the few animals Romney did not manage to strap to the roof of his car on a 12hour road trip.

But what is dressage? According to the United States Dressage Federation, it comes down to movement; as the USDF’s site states, “in simplest terms, the rider should have his hips do what he wants the horse’s hips to do and his shoulders do what he wants the horse’s shoulders to do.”

At the Grand Prix level, the dancing is said to be a culmination of extensive training. Horses must trot in place, trot in a circle and perform a movement that even the USDF refers to as “skipping.”

And if those aren’t pompous enough, the pièce de résistance is freestyle, in which horse and ride r perform specially choreographed routines to

music of choice.

Although the sport was labeled elitist, Ashley Hassey, owner and head instructor of Lane Cove Dressage, disagreed. When asked if she felt dressage’s fancy characterization was at all accurate, she replied with a resounding, “absolutely not.”

Hassey said dressage is actually a great way for all types of students to learn the basics of equestrianism, particularly at the basic level Lane Cove works. She said that dressage allows students to expand into lots of different types of riding. She teaches students all backgrounds and ability, and noted that even the late dressage hall of famer Vi Hopkins loved to teach at the foundation level.

Lane Cove dressage is, according to Hassey, “accessible to everyone, as it should be.” She believes that this negative elitist perception is due to a combination of the media’s portrayal of the sport and the public’s limited knowledge about horses.

Hassey also mentioned how Colbert’s stinging mockery of dressage particularly made people disregard the sport entirely. She recounted how even family friends referred to her as the woman who teaches “horse ballet” after seeing episodes of The Colbert Report this summer. However, she still believes it’s good that dressage was brought into the mainstream because it allows even “Joe Six-Pack” to know a little more about it.

It can be costly, selective and exclusive in its professional form, but that can be found in any

Image by Kennis Ku

34

sport or hobby. Certain golf clubs are more costly than others, and your local dog fancier’s club is nowhere near the glitz and glam of the American Kennel Club’s annual televised show.

So, what’s the harm of having elitist sports around anyway? Who cares if you can’t get into a silly sports club?

It may have more of a negative impact than you think. University of Rhode Island professor of sociology Jessica Holden Sherwood explained the kind of social harm certain institutes can do.

She said how notoriously exclusive places like country clubs allows members to “consolidate [the privilege] and make it normal, share it with each other, and teach it to the next generation.”

Some real opportunities are denied to people who are unable to join the exclusive institutions, in the form of what Professor Sherwood described as “social capital.” These are connections that, she said, help with “college, summer jobs, careers and even marriage.”

Professor Sherwood said that what separates college elites from professional elites is that a college team will take in anyone, but country clubs just exist for the sake of social exclusivity. The most notable, and arguably most harmful part of elite places like country clubs is that they harden the racial, class, and economic divides in our society.

An average person may never be able to make important connections or collect “social capital” that comes with a more exclusive club. Though it may seem like a cliché, people sometimes do get advice, connections, or even a job because they are in the same club as the boss. So while it may not be the most detrimental setbacks people and schools of modest means encounter, it undoubtedly denies them the opportunities the more fortunate have access to. ____________________________________ Miranda Materazzo is a freshman journalism major who prefers hippotamous hip-hop to horse ballet. Email her at mmatera1@ithaca.edu.

Almost Going Down in History

By Anonymous

W

hile searching through the abyss of my deep, dark past, my classiest night

fell on the evening of my high school senior formal. Unexpected, right? But you’d be surprised at teenagers’ classiness (or lack thereof) these days.

My county has a formal dance known as the Red and Whites Ball, in which the girls ask the guys in one cutesy way or another. A month in advance, I left a candy-cane and note on my date’s windshield - a tasty and sexy treat alluding to the night to come.

On the night of, my girlfriends and I got together to make sure we looked sexy enough for the occasion. The room smelt of burnt hair and Dolce and Gabbana’s Light Blue, and was hot with steam from the shower and air from the blow dryer. I pulled on my one-shouldered black velvet cocktail dress that just barely covered my ass, and strapped on my four-inch gold high heels.

We made our big entrance to take photos and smiled until our mouths were numb, then drove to the venue.

And after we rushed inside to take our Breathalyzer test, we spent a few awkward hours dancing in sweaty circles with our girlfriends, while our dates and other boys tried to grind from behind. Around 11 p.m. the doors opened around and we quickly left the dance with excitement, anticipating a night full of inebriated “X-Rated” fun.

Back at the after-party house, I ripped off my high heels, downed a couple of shots and immediately found my on-again-off-again hookup.

And following every teen movie, we started hooking up in various locations of the house. A few hours went by and we eventually decided to move our foreplay to the empty kitchen — very Gossip Girl.

We continued making out — our hands drunkenly re-exploring each other’s bodies — hungry after too much cheap liquor and a few weeks

off.

As things became progressively steamy, I got down on my knees and leaned in for the next step: The jimmy haha, the mouth-hug, the blowjob.

I opened my mouth and prepared to fill it with some seven-inch man meat, but right then, the door to the kitchen swung open and we spun around.

What a drunken surprise when we were reminded that we weren’t the only two people in the house! Two of our friends (one being my actual date to the formal) started shouting and laughing, whipping my sex partner with their ties as he quickly zipped up his pants.

Mortified, I dashed into the living room and pounced on my passed-out best friend. I buried my face into her peacefully unconscious body and I felt intense humiliation, however, with it came a hint of swag. But more importantly, I felt like I had broken some rules, done some damage and, almost, gone down in history.

Ministry of Cool

35

RAW SAW

Movie Review

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

The Master

FROM THE

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A movie theatre is a bit like a church. It has a reverent group atmosphere, designed to hold audiences in awe as they watch stories spun on a glowing silver screen, stories meant to soothe them, help them to escape or perhaps teach them something about their own lives. Paul Thomas Anderson, who demonstrated his greatness in films like Magnolia, There Will Be Blood and even Punch-Drunk Love, is an accomplished preacher, and he uses this one-of-a-kind artistic forum to its fullest extent with his new film, The Master.

With some of the greatest actors and crew members at his disposal, Anderson’s technique is hypnosis. He projects a grand, confounding sermon surrounding Freddie Quell (Joaquin Phoenix), a manic veteran of World War II, and his chance encounter with Lancaster Dodd (Philip Seymour Hoffman), a “hopelessly inquisitive” leader of a blossoming new religion, The Cause, a group vaguely similar to the Scientology.

Though the film is not directly about that group, as early reports mentioned, the parallels are marked and major. In the era of Tom Cruise, Scientology is something of a laughingstock, but Anderson does something remarkable by immediately putting the viewer on the side of The Cause; like Freddie, we believe in the healing power of its unorthodox methods (thanks to a soon-to-be-legendary “processing” scene), and feel insulted when its teachings are brought into question.

Anderson displays some of the most original storytelling in cinematic history, drawing similarities to last year’s love-it-or-hate-it masterpiece The Tree of Life. Like that film, it’s stately and contemplative, taking its pace and style from great literature, and also maddeningly contentious, obscure and bizarre. However, this is not a bad thing; each directorial decision is clearly deliberate, and every moment is ripe with meaning, even if it is not immediately apparent.

It’s the kind of challenging, against-the grain film that may not connect with everyone at first watch, but will be dissected and discussed by academics for years to come. Alternately absurd and

touching, The Master may not boast the operatic ups and downs of There Will Be Blood, but it’s still absolutely compelling, and able to keep audiences enraptured even when the pace becomes languid and more than a little ambiguous.

That kind of patient direction, in addition to the soft glows of Mihai Malaimare Jr.’s cinematography and the deep strings and winds of Jonny Greenwood’s score, is deeply intoxicating, suggesting the curious naiveté of Freddie or Dodd’s enormous delusions of grandeur. Scene after scene presents something intimate, subjective and entirely unique, particularly those that feature both Phoenix and Hoffman. Like Daniel Plainview and Eli Sunday in Blood, the characters here are presented on a titanic scale, full of meaning and life, and always unpredictable.

Anderson’s cast more than rises to the occasion, and each of them easily disappears into the fabric of the illusion. The turns by Phoenix and Hoffman are monstrous achievements, destined for accolades and a place in cinematic history — they shared the Volpi Cup for Best Actor at the Venice Film Festival earlier this month. Amy Adams, too, has some shining moments as Dodd’s wife, adding gravity to each moment with her mysterious presence.

At its heart, The Master is a story about pain, and the means to which men will go to keep it at bay, from Freddie’s toxic cocktails to Dodd’s high-flying idea of the “everlasting spirit.” But no matter how hard we try, the pain will always seep in through the cracks.

Neither a film nor a spirited sermon can hold off a person’s demons for long, but The Master has the power to affect viewers, teach them something and ultimately send them back out into the world still under its spell, in a starry-eyed daze, allowing them to see their world a little bit differently. This is the purpose of cinema, and Anderson, a true master of the craft, exploits the great medium to its fullest potential. It stands to become one of the finest works of the new century, and seeing it on the big screen is a true wonder. Make the pilgrimage.

- By Robert S. Hummel

Second Dam Das Racists

Concert Review

Concert Review

Upon entering The Nines on a Friday night, one would expect to find a buzzed crowd bobbing their heads to some relaxed music. On the evening of Sept. 14, this was not the case, save the crowd of brew-sippers.

The highly energized and significantly large crowd was taken over by awesome beats, unbelievable vocals and danceable tunes, thanks to Second Dam’s first ever EP release show.

The crowd of adrenaline-ridden college students anticipated the unleashing of Second Dam’s EP entitled This Guy while body heat radiated throughout the venue. As soon as Second Dam took the stage, the audience began cheering uncontrollably. Lead singer K.C. Weston tossed beads into the crowd and threw her voice into the air, growling every word effortlessly yet passionately.

The combination of diverse instruments — electric guitars, bass guitars, string instruments, a ukulele and drums — blended together to create a sound that is difficult to categorize. Second Dam has a way of making their songs suspenseful in a way that captivates the listener and commands full mental and physical attention. Their musical depth was pervasive and the crescendos of their songs reverberated wall to wall. The added vocal harmonies provided a sound that cannot be compared to any other band.

Each song the band played sounded totally

different from the one before. It kept the night feeling fresh, and it seemed that even people who had never heard Second Dam before were able to sing along.

Their song “Back to Dust” sounded better than ever when they jammed it out to a crowd of sweaty, lively 20-somethings who sang along to the song’s infectious, chanting “ohs.”

“Walk Across The Country” had the crowd dancing fast, swaying slowly and hopping to the beat to the song’s multiple tempo changes. The band’s fast-paced song “PickUp” also had the crowd moving boisterously, especially at the end, when the song suddenly becomes incomprehensibly fast — in the best way, of course.

If the EP release show was any indication of how their future will be, they are going to be in the spotlight for a while.

Second Dam drummer Andrew Weir describes their music on their Facebook page: “Five-part harmonies, bouncing bass lines, a string section that will make your heart melt, sweet guitar riffs, a drummer who probably should be medicated, and a singer with more power and range than the power rangers. That›s Second Dam. We hope our music makes you smile.”

And make people smile it did.

The Das Racist performance in Emerson Suites on Sept. 15 brought me back to the frustrations I experienced after my first Godard film. Similar to the feeling I get from the new wave director’s movies, just when I started to enjoy and feel included in the bizarre inside joke of the concert, the show ended faster than I could say “postmodern.”

Arriving late to the venue, the crowd was forced to eat its vegetables with the rap-stylings of the opening act, local rapper Captain Cee. He struggled to win over the audience: The influx of hypemen and photographers, his ambiguous yet goofy t-shirt splayed with the word “healthy” — even his ploy for a sky full of lighters got shut down by minimal participation (as well as the cops). Frankly, I’d seen better performers at Bat Mitzvahs. Much better.

When the boys we had been waiting for casually sauntered on stage, the trio from Queens reminded us of their essential voice in the modern music industry. Opening with “Who’s That Brown?” — a crowd pleaser — the audience gradually felt out the slightly off environment of band members Victor “Kool A.D.” Vazquez, Himanshu “Heems” Suri, and hypeman Ashok “Dapwell” Kondabolu’s performance..

There was constantly something a little confusing happening on stage. The hype methods

worked, but no one really knew what devil horns and the chanting of “slayer” had to do with the show. Amidst the mosh pit you could get a glimpse of the coffee pot bubbling on stage. Even while the audience joined in on their favorite references in the closer “Rainbow in the Dark,” you couldn’t help but wonder what was with the fish on the big screen.

And as the audience reveled and roared to the nonsensical silliness of the band’s performance, the band up and left, masked by a technical glitch.

Despite the cheers of encouraging fans, Das Racist refrained from performing further, no matter how many chants for “Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.”

It’s true, sprinting through a 40-minute set could have left the band out of steam; Dapwell’s peculiar head twirling amongst other strange physical convulsions certainly made the boys seem out of it, so to speak. But I suspect the newage trio consciously avoided the tune, perhaps sick of indulging mainstream cravings for a song they wrote as a joke. And it is not a coincidence that they happened to disappear at 10 p.m. on the dot. I say down a cup of coffee, get off your unconventional high horse and give us the show we paid $11 for … with an encore.

- Robyn Schmitz

37

Ministry of Cool

- Mimi Reynolds

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

ONS. PROSE&CONS. PROSE

38

Untitled

By Christine Duve plate in the sink, I noticed a small piece of paper nestled between the soap and the sponge. It was carefully folded several times. I picked it up and unfolded it slowly. It was from Lindsay. She must have left it for me earlier today. I sat down slowly on the kitchen floor as I read.

Ever wonder how that chair feels?

“Hey!” Carl called loudly from his chair. “What’s taking so long?”

“Be right there,” I responded. I got up off the floor and slipped the note in my pocket. Slowly, I re-entered the living room. Carl didn’t look up as I took my seat and picked up my plate. He had eaten the rest of the mashed potatoes. Methodically, I finished eating, staring at the TV blankly. The food was cold.

Prose & Cons

She closed the book, placed it on the table, and finally, decided to walk through the door. I watched as she left my house. Finally, I thought she would never leave.

I turned to Carl, giving him an apologetic look. He hated Lindsay and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, so did I. Well, not hate exactly; I could never actually hate my sister, just dislike immensely. Lindsay does what she wants, whenever she wants. Today she had come to my house unannounced, picked through my bookshelf, grabbed one she liked, and preceded to read it in Carl’s favorite chair.

She didn’t stop until she read every page, and it was a long book. Carl came home from work and instead of sinking into his chair, had to settle for the infinitely less comfortable sofa.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Carl said after Lindsay had sashayed out of our house. “She sat in my chair.” I knew what he meant. That chair is his domain. I have never seen anyone so possessive of an inanimate object. No one sits in Carl’s chair except Carl.

“I’m sorry baby,” I said rubbing his shoulders.

“You know she didn’t mean anything by it.” Carl grunted, and gestured for me to bring him his dinner plate. He went over to his chair and sat down, putting his feet in their customary position on the table. I took my place on the couch, and Carl turned on the TV. We ate dinner silently, Carl too engrossed in the program for conversation. I understood; he needs his time to relax after work.

The characters on TV argued about something as I took a bite of mashed potato. Needs salt, I decided.

The kitchen floor was cold, but I thought it felt good against my bare feet. No shoes in the house, Carl says. I sifted through the cabinet grabbing the little saltshaker. It was shaped like a cat, black and white, and very cute. Lindsay had given it to me on my birthday last year. It was typical of Lindsay; the little cat looked up at me as I shook salt from the holes in its head. The tale was chipped off from when Carl had dropped it on the hard kitchen floor.

He doesn’t like cats and when he had seen this, he tried his best to break it. I sighed, remembering Lindsay’s horrified face when she noticed the tail was missing.

Carl was finished eating by the time I got back to the living room. I placed my half-eaten dinner on the sofa, picked up Carl’s discarded plate and headed back into the kitchen. As I tossed Carl’s

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NIGHTDREAMS AT THE MIRROR

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

By Robert S. Hummel

Pearl earrings, she decided. Standing at the round porcelain sink, in a long sequin gown, the ends of her thick auburn hair brushing against her shoulders, nearly prepared to emerge onto the upper deck. Now she was alone, cramped into ten square feet of half a bath; it listed, side to side. By now, though, she hardly took notice.

Sheila was her name. Sheila, Sheila, Sheila. She repeated it to herself absent-mindedly in the mirror.

In certain lights she could see the subtle red of her hair, among the brown, suggesting a sort of dark chocolate, she thought. It matched the deep red of her dress, her lips, the velvet curtains drawn across the porthole. Everything rosy in the incandescent light: she saw it in a haze of warmth and romance, like an old film, everything soft and glowing.

She stood among the fumes of her Chanel perfume; just outside the thick door was her suite on a luxury ocean liner. It was set to dock in Nice in several days, and now it was taking its time across the endless Atlantic, rolling eastward with hundreds of passengers nestled inside its great white hull. It had an old-fashioned romanticism about it; she bought the ticket on that faith.

Mascara, liner, all delicately applied. She was young, she thought. A girl. Her brief past as distant as the harbor behind them. And what she could remember resonated like a high voice in a cave: it bounced around, changed, only audible half of the time. But now, in the mechanical movements of her evening preparation, it floated into her mind, and she thought that perhaps she was quite ordinary.

The feeling conjured images from recent years: reading Sylvia Plath in bed as a teenager, carelessly taking gin shots as a college freshman, unsure of the future, making tearful calls home, finding and losing love, wandering the campus until she took her diploma and hung it on the wall of her boyfriend’s New York apartment, reading the Times over a bowl of Fruit Loops in a bathrobe while he got coffee for the cast of a daytime talk show in midtown.

Finding a job, going out, drinking too much. A river stone holding papers on her desk. His shadow on the wall from where he sat and wrote stories in the night. The lights of the club sweeping across the crowd, the dark concrete walls. Voices out of the dark. Confessing her fears to a girlfriend in a taxicab. Storming away from him in Battery

40

Park. Plane rides, hookups. All the moments when she would look down and not find a safety net to catch her.

The hour before dusk in the backyard. Birds poking their heads in and out of the birdhouse, building a nest. Walking into town for raspberry soft-serve. Her grandfather passing her mints during the Sunday sermon. Her grandmother holding her tight while her father stood in the doorway.

Long ago.

It was all slightly altered; the faces of those halfremembered were blurred out. She smudged those of the people she wanted to forget. It was fondly engineered, her memory, so that she could pass through the day unmolested by traces of darkness. She faced the shining future, blind to the way ahead.

The week before she left, she met her mother at the door of her house, the one that held her entire childhood.

Traces of her in the decorative feathers stuck on a bulletin board, the stuffed monkeys arranged neatly on top of the bedspread, untouched for years. It had been a long time since she’d been back.

Her mother told her this. “I know you have things to sort out yet,” she rationalized, forgivingly. “Just take one thing at a time.”

She served her chamomile tea flavored with cinnamon and honey, and they sat in the living room in silence, curled under knit blankets. The radiator in the corner hissed, its off-white paint from ages ago slowly flaking away. Dust filtering through the sunlight, hovering in the moment. She turned to look out the picture window to the street, blurs of passing cars, all colors. Thinking about the lines on her face. Her daughter was grown, growing away, and she didn’t need to know why she was leaving.

“Fly away, you. Out of the nest.” She looked down, away from her daughter’s solemn, innocent eyes. “Take all of my love, pack it away. And find the right people to give it to.”

They cried, and when she went out the door, she didn’t look back.

Even this was distant, the notion of home. As far as she knew, all she needed was this sink, this bed, this bag of makeup, a wealth of books and a window to the outside.

Earlier in the week she made a habit of sitting with her legs crossed on the front deck in a white Adirondack chair,

A pause while the woman waited for juicy specifics. “All right, then. Be vague,” she conceded. “I think it’s a man.

You’re running away from some terrible love. That’s good; I’m proud of you. When you’re in love, you’re blind to the rest of the world.”

Sheila looked into her glass and smiled in a quiet way. She realized that they hadn’t introduced each other. It was all right that way.

Back, now, in a daze; a beautiful, intoxicating uncertainty.

She blinked the image away, and it dissolved into the stark white outline of her face, staring into her own brown eyes.

The smokiness that clouded them was slowly sliding away.

Alone in the bathroom, she smiled to herself, and scrubbed her hands with soap made from cocoa butter, the water almost scalding. She inhaled, exhaled, turned the faucet off.

When she emerged from the bathroom, she sat on the bed for a moment, slowly, gracefully lowering herself onto the smooth violet sheets. She sighed, and unknowingly played with her matching purse, clipping it open and closed, open and closed. She brushed her hair to the side and caught its scent, pulled on her red heels and stood up, poised, composed, a woman.

Outside her door was an older man in a tuxedo, sitting on the railing, arbitrarily looking out to sea. He looked back at her and smiled, nodded, a stubby cigarette between his lips. She smiled and made her way to the ballroom. He turned back to the sea.

Lights and noise and people everywhere. A small big band, maybe a dozen performers in total, dressed in white tuxes, playing the classics. Men, women, young and old, everyone was represented on the dance floor and at the tables. The three little French girls bouncing as a group to the beat. A young couple circling around, cheek to cheek.

The bearded Frenchman, standing at a crowded circular table with a glass of champagne and a cigar. Even the waiters seemed to enjoy themselves; they would chat up the guests, smoothly swing a heavy platter of food around to a hungry table.

She stood outside one of the doorways looking in, awestruck at the sheer wonder of it all. People seemed to speak in verse, rhyming every fourth word. The world moved infinitely around her; she was left behind. She stared up at a great starry sky that seemed to grow, spread, thicken. It washed over her. In the blink of an eye, she would be an old woman, forever looking back, counting down. But now time was measured in the crests of the ocean. And the crests went on.

Blink. Blink. Blink.

41

Prose & Cons

wearing large sunglasses and reading a book, regarding the people as they passed. An old couple bundled in tweed against the ocean wind. A little girl in a red beret. A large man greeted her in French, a wide smile behind a great white beard. She smiled back, hiding her teeth behind her lips.

She had also made acquaintance with the family in the next cabin, a young Metropolitan family from Paris with three daughters who would crowd around her long legs and latch onto the fabric of her dress, talking over each other in French. She grinned down at them, their faces in awe of this beautiful woman (and so tall!). They worshipped her, the mother had said. The father gave her suggestive looks, which she ignored, forgot after a moment.

At night, she would go down to the bar, very late. It was nestled in the back of a vast ballroom, furnished with cherry wood and lit for atmosphere. The bartender was often tired, regardless of whom it was, never the same man.

They ignored her attempts at conversation in their rude, jaded ways, and she sat alone with soft vocal music playing in the background, filling the long halls with voices captured long ago.

She was surprised on the fourth night to find a figure sitting on a barstool, taking long sips from a peach bellini: a middle-aged woman in a black dress, wrapped in a gray wool coat. She smiled and laughed at the bartender’s joke. He was polishing a champagne flute when Sheila approached. The woman regarded her, dragged on her cigarette.

“What’ll it be,” he asked flatly.

Sheila shrugged. “What is she having?”

The woman laughed. “Oh, this? This is for the weary.

Have a young drink.”

In the end, she sipped at a wine spritzer while the woman led her through a wild, inconsistent history of gallivanting around Europe with various painters and avantgardists, and how she once met Andy Warhol at a party held in an abandoned warehouse. “He was dazed,” the woman recalled. “Didn’t talk much.”

When it came to be her turn to spin a history of her own, Sheila thought back, but couldn’t come up with anything. She gave an embarrassed laugh and simply admitted, “I’m not sure what to tell you.”

“Oh, the past doesn’t matter for someone like you. No, I can tell. What’s important is where you’re going and why you’re going there.” She spoke in a dramatic, inflected tone, surely a composite of old movie actresses.

“All I know is that I’m going away. Off to somewhere new.”

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

WDUST. SAWDUST. SAWDU

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Underdressed and Overconfident Freshman pledge pulls faux pas of the year

By Lizzy Rosenberg

A

recent tragedy in Ithaca, N.Y. was the absolute worst case of under-dressing in U.S. history. Last Friday night was a cool, fall evening and students were bustling to and fro across Cornell University’s campus. Back-to-school parties were in full swing: jocks, thespians, activists, grad students and members of Greek Life were all having their fun. One fraternity in particular, DRP, was holding a formal event to welcome back their brothers.

It was supposed to be a night of caviar, freshly pressed ties, shined shoes and polished forks. Little did the brothers of DRP know that their night was to be ruined by an out of line pledge who didn’t get the memo on the dress code of their formal party.

Sources say freshman Charles Huxley was approximately ten minutes fashionably late and confidently strolled in through the back door while members were still filing in and mingling.

According to Nathaniel Jacobson, a DRP alumnus who made it to the party, the room became eerily silent when people noticed Huxley’s attire.

The music scratched to a halt and even a game of champagne pong was momentarily paused.

The only sounds that could be heard at the party were Huxley’s footsteps and the crickets chirping outside.

“He was wearing a hunter green polo, a pair of last year’s khakis from Brooks Brothers, and a pair of chestnut colored Sperrys. Everyone knows that chocolate is the new chestnut. I was mortified,” Jacobsen said.

Shortly after his arrival and his quick realization that he was being shunned, a red-faced Huxley fled from the party. Huxley however

did unintentionally make one classy move that night. As he frantically dashed out of the fraternity house, he left behind one of his casual leather Sperrys on the finely polished front porch stairs, pulling a classic “Cinderella.”

Based on overheard gossip from his peers, the one-shoed Charles Huxley has been hiding out in Buttermilk Falls since the infamous incident at the DRP headquarters. If his DRP brothers don’t find him first, the police are likely to arrest him for trespassing, putting his bright future in danger.

“I am equally if not more embarrassed for my son for his despicable wardrobe decisions, but I can’t have him carrying on my name with a bad reputation,” said his father, Mr. Huxley, in an interview the morning after the incident at the DRP fraternity house.

While many of Huxley’s DRP brothers are worried about his whereabouts, wellbeing, and single cold foot, many of them are also worried about his social reputation.

Unfortunately, Huxley’s fashion crime may have put him on the verge of social suicide.

“Some might say that Charles is overreacting, but if I were in his position, I definitely wouldn’t be showing my face in public for a very long time; at least not until after fraternity rush season,” DRP brother Daniel Robinson said.

Is there a lesson to be learned from poor Charles Huxley’s wardrobe mishap? Always check up on required party attire; fancy pants are taken quite seriously these days. ____________________________________ Lizzy Rosenberg is a freshman communication management and design major who is pledging HRP next semester and will never be caught without her Sperrys. Reach her at erosenb3@ithaca.edu

Sawdust

Image by Alexis Lanza

43

From Fancy Feast to Feral Cover cat falls from grace

By Karen Muller

H

e still looks sweet and fluffy, but recent interviews, the cat has repeatedly lately, Seymour Von Pussen- mentioned an interest in taking on “more worth, the once-beloved face of mature” work, but he might be shooting Fancy Feast, seems to be shedding the in- himself in the paw with this recent surge nocence of his fresh-faced television past. of negative press. Just last month, several The feline community was stunned this incriminating personal photos were allegweekend as the famous edly leaked from cat was arrested outside the feline’s personpopular Manhattan pet al computer, inhotel Prowl. He was decluding a racy shot tained around 2:30 a.m., of him licking himand charged with assault self and another in and battery, disturbing which he is posed the peace and possessuggestively with sion of several ounces of two Siamese cats. catnip.

Fancy Feast’s repAccording to Fred Mcresentatives have Guire, owner of Prowl, a denied that these disturbance was sparked photos have any earlier in the night when ties to their model, Von Pussenworth’s longand suggest that standing rival Baxter, of the images might Meow Mix fame, slinked have been Photointo the hotel along with a shopped as a low Image by Karissa Breuer certain calico cat, reportblow by one of the edly one of Von Pussenworth’s old flames. company’s competitors. In both the leaked Disaster ensued. photos and the mug shot, Von Pussen“Fur was flying, milk was spilled … it worth’s once pristine, fluffy white fur is was a real catastrophe,” explained Mc- noticeably matted and dirty. Though both Guire, who has since sued both parties for he and Fancy Feast are seeking damages a total of $16 million in damages caused for defamation, it’s difficult to ignore the by the brawl and ensuing cat stampede. mounting evidence that this pretty kitty This is just the latest stunt in Von cannot be tamed.

Pussenworth’s clumsy interpretation of This poor publicity does not bode well the all-grown-up Hollywood lifestyle. In for Von Pussenworth, whose contract with

Fancy Feast is up for renewal at the end of the year. While this kitty might be able to keep up with a wild lifestyle, he might not be able to keep his fluffy face in show business for much longer, according to an anonymous source close to the brand.

“Seymour’s just not the same sweet kitten that he used to be. With all these wild antics lately, it’s rumored that he won’t be the face of Fancy Feast for much longer.

I mean, he’s been totally spoiled by the Fancy lifestyle. Sure, he had talent once, but now he’s just, well … catty. And he hasn’t aged well. I don’t know where he’ll go from here, but hopefully he’ll land on his feet.”

Industry expert and feline talent agent Horace Goldblatt claims that Von Pussenworth’s downfall was only a matter of time.

“There’s no room for a lack of professionalism in this industry. The Internet is full of cats — every cat’s just waiting for his big break. Seymour may have had his fifteen minutes, but there are kittens out there who are younger, fluffier and clearly much more serious. It’s about time to bring the Fancy back to the feast.”

Von Pussenworth’s representatives could not be reached for comment. ____________________________________ Karen Muller is a junior integrated marketing communications major who knows a catnip dealer if you need a hookup. You can reach her at kmuller1@ithaca.edu.

Bro Leaves Keystone for Cufflinks and Caviar BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

By Sarah diGiovanna

U

ntil his 21st birthday, Ithaca College senior Lance Jackson had never experienced any kind of alcohol besides cheap, college party beer. Now that he is finally welcome in the bar scene without the worry of a fake ID, he made the drastic life decision to choose a drink with a little more class.

He went the bar alone, his agenda set. He would go for the best. He made his way clumsily to the bar, his awkward nod to the bartender barely ac-

44

knowledged. Finally, after waiting a few minutes, he ordered.

“I’ll have a scotch.”

Little did he know, his life would never be the same.

With the first sip, Jackson knew something had changed. Jackson described the scotch as “a smooth and delicious entrance into a world of finer things.” Jackson began the journey into a classier life.

“The first thing I noticed was my immediate repulsion towards my outfit.

I was just wearing jeans and a Fuck Cortland shirt, but I suddenly hated myself for putting it on that morning,” Jackson said.

The transformation did not stop there. As time went on, he became increasingly classier, shedding his unrefined ways for a more elegant approach to life. Friends say he even traded in his beloved lacrosse jerseys for what he calls “smart wool blazers.”

His teammates barely recognize him with his new lifestyle choices. They

Romney Looking Forward to Life of Villainy After Election

By Nina Varilla

M

jazz music.

Jackson’s friends and family all seemed confused by the sudden change that has overcome him. His mother reacted wildly, claiming he was “on drugs” and “not himself,” but his best friend Chad Erikson, noted that wasn’t the case.

“Lance’s mind isn’t on drugs, it’s the scotch he keeps drinking. He thinks he has to act fancy in order to drink it, and this is the result. As soon as I saw that he started following Scott Disick on Twitter I knew there was no going back. He thinks he’s high-class now.”

Although he’s been criticized by

Aniston’s old house, all with room to spare. When asked if he would consider donating some of the renovation money to charity instead, he reportedly cackled maniacally and kicked a small puppy.

Although Mitt Romney is clearly qualified to join the ranks of Bond villains Jack Spang and Mr. Big, some experts question his failure to snag the role of Bain in the last Dark Knight film. ____________________________________ Nina Varilla is a freshman film and photography major who thinks Romney would play a great Scrooge McDuck in a live action version of DuckTales. You can reach her at jvarill1@ ithaca.edu.

his peers for riding his new purebred horse to class and legally changing his name to “Sir Lancelot Jackson,” Jackson remains unfazed by it all. He’s signing up for a wine tasting class and hopes it will be the next step in climbing the ladder of fine luxury beverages. ____________________________________ Sarah diGiovanna is a sophomore journalism major who always keeps her pinky up. Reach her at sdigiov1@ ithaca.edu.

45

Sawdust

say he is getting really into polo now.

Jackson’s mustache seemed to grow before his eyes as he explained how his life had changed.

“I spend a lot more time picking out my outfits,” he claimed, crossing his khaki clad legs, his crisp polo shirt reeking of refinement. “And I’ve definitely noticed a difference in the company I keep. I like dressing like Patrick Bates from American Psycho, but without all the brutal murders.”

His life quickly became an episode of Mad Men, leaving frat parties behind him. Jackson now lives in a world of three-piece suits, caviar and

plate, these “fundraisers” have been generating the capital used to fund Romney’s extensive campaign and, in conjunction, Romney’s evil politics.

“The switch from evil politics to evil acting was initially a rough one for Mitt,” Ann Romney said. “He was unsure as to the impact of the switch on his career. But with the direction the election seems to be headed, I think he made a smart move—he’s a natural.”

When asked if she would see the next James Bond movie if the ex-governor of Massachusetts were to play the next Goldfinger, Ann Romney hesitated.

“I support Mitt a hundred percent, but I heard that the producers at Mitt’s last audition thought he was even too evil to voice the villain in an upcoming Disney movie. I have trouble even watching The Lion King …

Scar still gives me nightmares.”

Romney even has a secret lair in the works that would rival international crime lord Karl Stromberg’s underwater base of operations. The presidential candidate has recently filed an application to demolish his 3,009 square foot house in La Jolla, Calif., in order to construct a new 11,062 square foot evil lair with an ocean view. This lair would be so enormous that it would easily house the world’s largest whale, the entire meat locker at the Harlem Fairway, and Jennifer

Image by Jennifer Pike

otion picture negotiations have begun after a press conference last Friday revealed Mitt Romney’s intentions to play the villain in the next installment of the James Bond franchise. The former Massachusetts governor stated that if he failed to be elected as next president of the United States, he would be very satisfied with playing the antagonist opposite one of his least favorite action heroes.

“I’ve always thought of myself as a Bond villain,” said Romney. “Sometimes I ask myself, what would Mr. White do?”

Skeptics of Romney’s villain status should consider his note-worthy credentials: besides the perpetually slicked back hair, the co-founder of spin-off investment firm Bain Capital, Romney is not only filthy rich, but also inherently evil. He’s managed to convince even industry professionals that he is fluent in the nuances of feature film villainy.

“I was both surprised and impressed when Mitt came to me,” admitted Mr. Penny, Romney’s talent agent. “He was really adamant on playing the bad guy. I was skeptical at first, but after his first read-through…he really understood the character. He utterly embodied it.”

The recent media frenzy uncovering Romney’s secret “fundraisers” have only helped his image. At $50,000 a

Seven tell-tale signs that your cat is more frumpy than fancy

By Christine Dube

1 2 3 4

Does your cat sleep on your computer and completely ignore the expensive bed you bought for him? Refusing a new place to sleep is a sign that your cat is afraid of change.

Is your cat constantly hiding in tight, dark spaces?

Watch out, your cat is probably avoiding all social contact with others.

This could be a sign that your cat has severe social anxiety.

BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue

If your cat stares at you for long stretches of time, beware, he is not noticing how nice you look in those new boots. Excessive staring is a sign that your cat is having an existential crisis.

Is your cat eating your plants instead of its food?

A loss of appetite is a sign that your cat has body issues or low self-esteem.

5

Do you sometimes notice your cat is nowhere to be seen for long stretches of time? Perhaps you think he is just “doing cat things.” Your cat could be playing poker with the neighborhood dogs. Long absences could be a sign that your cat is socializing with the wrong sort and going through a rebellious phase. Watch out for catnip use.

6 7

Does your cat lose interest in things quickly and sleep all day long? Ask your vet about cat depression.

Does your cat like to climb? Have you seen your cat hopping from mantelpiece to mantelpiece, or sitting nicely atop a shelf? Don’t be fooled, this is a clear sign your cat is afraid of commitment.

Watch out for these clear signs your cat could be becoming reclusive and antisocial. Contact your local vet if your cat shows any of these signs. _______________________________ Christine Dube is a freshman English major who looks forward to becoming a crazy cat lady.

You can reach her at cdube1@ ithaca.edu.

Image by Geneva Faraci

46

Man Mistakes Being British for Being Classy Anglophile scares family with new obsession

I

water while making that creepy face he makes.”

Carl has also admitted to taking his daughter’s dusty, old Hello Kitty tea set and using it as his own.

“It’s a placeholder,” Carl said. “I’m still waiting for the Royal Family tea set that I ordered on eBay.” Carl used to come home from working construction all day and his routine was as follows: grab a beer, flop onto the recliner and turn on SportsCenter. Now, Carl comes home from a long day, claims to be “positively knackered,” pours himself some Earl Grey, puts on thin-framed fake glasses he found at a thrift store and turns on BBC. “He’s making us pay extra to get BBC on our TV,” Monica said. “He’s also started watching Sherlock and Doctor Who religiously. It’s getting a little out of hand.”

Monica even admitted that fewer people are accepting invitations to their household parties lately.

“Our friends keep saying that they can’t make it to our house for one reason or another, but I know they’re making up excuses because they think Carl’s gone … bonkers, if you will,” Monica said.

The future of the Lewis family remains unclear, as it depends heavily on Carl’s behavior.

“He’s even been driving on the wrong side of the road lately,” Jerry said. “So hopefully that’s not how we all die.” ___________________________________ Robyn Schmitz is a sophomore journalism major who only drinks Earl Grey. You can reach her at rschmit1@ ithaca.edu

the chairs in Friends Hall are spaceships?

As I entered Friends Hall for my first class this year, I realized something about the layout was strange. Every single desk was scattered and squeezed into the corners in a failed attempt at some sort of drunken semicircle. We all tripped on each other’s bags trying to sit down, only to have the chairs roll away. The odd shape did not allow any sort of order to the way they were arranged.

Not only are the new desks in Friends cumbersome and oddly scattered about, but they also have a feature that allows the desk to change sides. Did we really need to buy all new desks to accommodate both lefties and righties? Furthermore, why are there two cupholders? Is it supposed to be such a challenge to get into your desk that you work up a sweat and need to hydrate? If so, where’s my Gatorade? Maybe these desks are actually some sort of futuristic racing device, prepared to move from the classroom to the racetrack of the next Olympic sport: the 400-meter desk relay.

My favorite feature has to be the constant swiveling. Not only is it distracting, it hinders my in-class napping. Sometimes I want to lean over to take a nap, but the desk is simply too unstable and it’s impossible to find a comfortable position. What, am I expected to stay awake? Even if you do find a good position, you might run the risk of waking up to find the Jetson’s zooming by the window on the latest version of the desks—the hovercraft edition.

Where the hell did Ithaca find these things? There are no desks like this anywhere on campus or anywhere else in the world.

But, hey, maybe someday they’ll show up in museums as the prototype of the future of transportation… or as a piece of crappy modern art.

-Lauren Denecke

Sawdust

thaca resident Carl Lewis, 47, has recently attracted attention from his neighborhood because of his sudden adoption of British tendencies.

“He was a perfectly normal American last week,” Lewis’ neighbor Sean Collins said. “We hung out, watched football, drank beers. Now, out of nowhere, he decides he wants to be ‘posh’ and walks around with his nose literally up in the air, saying things like, ‘Mmmnyes’ and ‘Indeeeeed.’”

Carl’s wife, Monica Lewis, 46, reported that he keeps saying random British things that make no sense when put together into sentences.

“I have no idea what he’s saying anymore. He says things like, ‘I’ve lost me crumpets on Abbey Road!’ and ‘I’ve gone to the loo to find me knickers’.”

Carl’s children, Jerry, 15, and Sara, 19, don’t seem too fazed by their father’s actions.

“Oh, it’s nothing new,” Jerry said.

“Just last month, he confused being Australian with being a great hunter of crocodiles. That got dangerous. He almost died while trying to wrestle an opossum.”

When asked about his severe anglophilia, Lewis explained the reason behind his new lifestyle choices.

“Well to be fancy, of course. It came to me as I was nibbling on a biscuit and chatting up an old mate about the declining fanciness in our society.

I felt inclined to do something about it. Quite astute, isn’t it?”

Carl’s British ways have not only been making the neighbors feel uncomfortable, but they are also scaring his children’s friends away.

“He’s been watching and re-watching the entire Austin Powers series which worries me a bit,” Sara said. “I had my boyfriend over the other night, and my dad used the word ‘shag’ a few too many times in the weirdest ways.

I think dad thinks it means ‘drink.’ He asked him if he ‘fancied a shag,’ and it was silent as he poured a glass of

Image by Anika Steppe

By Robyn Schmitz

?

Buzzsaw Asks Why...

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BUZZSAW: The Fancy Issue