Como living october november 2017 issuu

COMO CO LU M B I A L I FES TY LE A N D C ULT UR E

HEALTH &

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CULTURE O C M HOMES O FASHION CO M O LI V I N G M AG.CO M

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team

Miracle

COMO CO LU M B I A L I FES TY LE A N D C ULT UR E

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CULTURE O C M HOMES O FASHION CO M O LI V I N G M AG.CO M

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Miracle TOGETHER.

We can fight breast cancer.

A breast cancer diagnosis can be a challenging time for you or a loved one.

But, together with family, friends and our specialists, you have a team that focuses on the most important piece: you. That’s the difference at Ellis Fischel Cancer Center. Together, our doctors, researchers, and staff deliver compassionate care, develop personalized cancer treatments and provide access to leading edge clinical trials.

Discover the difference at muhealth.org/breast.

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Ho lly ’s ow n lin e, Ho lly be e, prem iers in Oc to be r

The Secret Life of A WOMAN’S TESTIMONIAL ON AN INTIMATE PROBLEM AND ITS CURE

It seemed too good to be

Bladder leakage is

extremely comfortable

extremely embarrassing. I

with the process. The most

delayed getting treatment

important thing was… it

due to the embarrassment

really worked! I no longer

factor. However, this

have the leakage issues,

My Pelvis

true! I was hesitant at first, but I shouldn’t have been.

My pelvic floor technician and the rest of the staff at Women’s Wellness Center made me feel

secret problem became

and I am thrilled with the

so invasive, I finally had

outcome. My only regret

to ask about my options.

is not doing this sooner.

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I strongly recommend

but really felt it would be

this treatment to others

too invasive. At Women’s Wellness Center, I learned

with bladder leakage –

about Pelvic Floor Therapy,

and please don’t make the

a solution that involves no

mistake of waiting as long as

medications or surgery.

I did to ask for help!

”

Join those who have regained confidence and freedom, starting with a Bladder Control Consultation at Women’s Wellness Center.

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A BUSINESS TIMES COMPANY PUBLICATION

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I’d bet that many of you are a lot like me in your quest for better health. I’m fully aware of how to be healthier — in theory, at least. But I get easily waylaid. And, alas, my healthier lifestyle remains only a theory.

Sound familiar? Do your wellness ambitions get hijacked like mine? If you have some insight on how to circumvent this vicious circle, do share! At this stage in life, you’d think I’d have a better handle on this, but I’m just as stymied now as I was 20 years ago.

I am, however, better at not letting negative self-talk get too much space in my brain. Perhaps that’s where my advanced years buy me some wisdom. And through that hard-won wisdom, I’ve learned how to be mentally healthy enough to keep trying to be physically healthier too.

Speaking of wisdom, you’ll meet some exceptionally wise people in this issue, each in a different manner. Our Health and Wellness Issue always opens the door to some really amazing people, and we love being able to tell their stories.

Wellness is a quest that we should never give up on, whether it’s emotional, physical, or spiritual. So, while you and I both continue to push toward better health and more overall wellness in our lives, let’s remember the good news: we’re continuing to push.

Salute!

Beth Bramstedt, Director of Content Beth@BusinessTimesCompany.com

Deb Valvo

Heather Martin, Director of Sales

Publisher

hmartin@BusinessTimesCompany.com COMO L I V I N G

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O C TO B E R / NO V E MB E R - 2017

COM O LIVING Business Times Company 2001 Corporate Place, Suite 100 Columbia, MO 65202

P: 573-499-1830 Website: comolivingmag.com Twitter: @COMOLivingMag Facebook: facebook.com/ COMOLivingMagazine Instagram: @comolivingmag —

CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS Keith Borgmeyer, Nate Buxman, Nadia Chernookaya, Anthony Jinson, Howard Jones, Aaron Ottis, Jim Robertson

LE T TE R from TH E E D I T O R

RUNNING ON EMPTY? Most of us strive to live balanced lives. We want to be relationally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, and physically healthy. We go to great lengths to stay fit, but often feel as though we’re failing.

Years ago, I heard someone compare these areas of our life to gauges on a car. Like we monitor the oil and gas levels in our vehicle, it helps to watch the gauges of our life. If one tank is empty, it affects the others.

So, for our Health and Wellness Issue this year, we decided to take a holistic approach. In the following pages, you’ll find features on relevant topics that affect these five areas of our overall well-being — stories about overcoming cancer, rethinking PTSD, supporting our aging parents, managing our finances, and taking time to rest.

My hope is that you will be inspired, encouraged, and armed with insights that will fill your tank(s).

Beth Bramstedt

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Beth Bramstedt, Anne Churchill, Nina Hebrank, Brandon Hoops, Eli Marchbanks, Jordan Milne, Carolyn Paris, Kennedy Robinson, Jennifer Truesdale COMO LIVING BOARD Nancy Allison, Barbie Banks, Muriel Browder, Adonica Coleman, Ann Merrifield, Kathy Lou Neale, Jill Orr, Carolyn Paris, Stacie Pottinger, Michele Towns, Justin Wilson

COMO LIVING INTERNS Nina Hebrank, Abigail Jones, Madison Love, Elizabeth Quinn, Tiffany Schmidt, Chelsea Skidmore —

Editor

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COMO

Orthopedic oncologist Dr. Andrea Evenski met Kaitlynn Burbridge in 2013 after Kaitlynn noticed an unusual bump on her shin. Read more about their journey together and the surgery that saved Kaitlynn’s leg on page 44.

Also pictured are doctors Julia Crim (radiology), Barbara Gruner (pediatric oncology), and Stephen Colbert (plastic surgery), from Kaitlynn’s care team at MU Health Care.

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$5.95 per issue, or six issue subscription for $29.95. Call Amy Ferrari at 573-4991830 ext. 1003 to place an order or to inform us of a change of address.

CON TE N TS FEATURES / DEPARTMENTS

36

67 16

Letter from the Publisher

17

Letter from the Editor

54

Feature: Supporting our

20

About the Board

Aging Parents

23

50

59

Shelf Life: Embracing the Gifts of Imperfection

25

Day in the Life: Nene Peter

36

Home Tour: Timeless Tradition

67

44

Feature: Within Walking Distance

81

63

COMO L I V I N G

Feature: Rethinking PTSD

Feature: Saving the Sabbath Feature: Staying Financially Fit Fashion: Put on the Glamour Life Coaching: The Upside of Loss -

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83 Unleashed:

Caring for Your Dying Pets

85

Wedding Confidential:

Overcoming Oversights

87

October/November Datebook

88

Strong Woman: Scottie Rawlings

90

Couple You Should Know:

Larry and Paula Chapman

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ABOUT THE BOARD

IN GOOD HEALTH

Our firsthand experiences of staying fit and flourishing.

In coordination with our Health and Wellness Issue, COMO Living’s Advisory Board talks about the joys and struggles of living holistically — embracing relational, emotional, mental, physical, financial, and spiritual health.

BARBIE BANKS Citizen Jane Film Festival

MURIEL BROWDER Community Volunteer

At the age of 46, I became a widow.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the stages of grief. I don’t know how many stages there are, but anyone who has grieved knows their loss is unlike any other. And these stages do not have a timetable. There is not a start or completion date.

I hit the anger stage multiple times. The worst was when my anger was at God. All I could think of was “How could my God let this happen to me and my children?”

So I decided to punish Him and stop going to church (probably the one thing I needed most). I wish I could say that this anger lasted for a few weeks, or a month. No. I stayed angry a long time.

In due time, and with much counseling, I found comfort and peace in church again. Each of us goes through tough times. Always remember that the steps in your journey fit only you.

COMO L I V I N G

JILL ORR Author

NANCY ALLISON Shelter Insurance

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The area of my life that needed a good wellness check was my finances. I work at a nonprofit, which means, for me, a smaller salary to do what I love. But I don’t think that means I can’t be financially secure. So, I began using the Acorns app. Acorns rounds your purchases up to the nearest dollar and automatically invests the difference. Signing up for the service is super easy and the app itself is user-friendly. I can see the money I’m making.

For me, being young and having never invested money in the stock market before, this app teaches me a lot and gives me a sense of pride as I see my investment increase.

When I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a few years ago, the worst part was the pervasive new worries about all the terrible things that could happen someday. My normally sunny outlook was suddenly clouded by thoughts like “What if I lose my eyesight? What if I lose my ability to walk? What if my children inherit this horrible condition?”

That kind of thinking can swallow a person whole.

So, I decided that although I can’t control what’s happening in my body, I can control what happens in my mind. And I’m proud to say that thanks to a very Midwestern combination of blind optimism and good, oldfashioned denial, I’ve all but silenced those thoughts. I won’t go so far as to say my MS is a blessing, but I’m grateful to have learned not to spoil today by worrying about tomorrow.

At this stage of my life, I could write about all these health topics. The one that stands out the most to me, however, is my faith. Without that, I am not sure I would have made it through the physical, relational, emotional, mental, and financial issues I have faced over the years.

Having a deep faith in something bigger than me has made dealing with the tough stuff easier. Note that I said “easier” and not “easy.” When I feel things are getting a bit out of hand or overwhelming, I stop and ask God to take this one. He seems to be a master at problem solving!

O C TO B E R / NO V E MB E R - 2 017

We Believe Life is Too Short to Wear Boring Clothes!

Which is why we offer designers like: Nic + Zoe Joseph Ribkoff Jimmy Crystal Not Your Daughter’s Jeans Cartise And more!

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Each year, the Central Missouri Chapter of the AFP celebrates National Philanthropy Day and honors donors, volunteers and fundraising executives whose gifts of time, expertise and resources contribute significantly to the success of the non-profit agencies and institutions they serve.

Master of Ceremonies

Our Keynote Speaker

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President The Business Times Company 2017 Small Business of the Year 2017 Debin Benish Oustanding Businesswoman Award

Friday, Nov. 10, 2017

President & CEO Deaconess Foundation St. Louis, Missouri

•

11:00am to 1:00pm

at the Country Club of Missouri

AFP Member $35 Early Bird Rate $40 after Oct 30th

Non-Member $40 Early Bird rate $45 after Oct 30th

Buy a Table: $300

www.afpcentralmo.afpnet.org

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SHELF LIFE

EMBRACING THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION Ditching unrealistic expectations for wholehearted living.

by B E T H B R A M S T E D T

M

any of us live our lives by a powerful but exhausting word — should. I should do this.

You should do that. Someone should do something about (fill in the blank).

Should can be a powerful motivator, but it can also suck the life right out of us.

Over the years, I’ve had a lot of shoulds thrown at me. Some from people I care about, others from people who said they cared about me, and still others from the constantly chattering voices in my head. Live long enough in the shoulds and your life begins to unravel.

Author and sociology researcher Brené Brown says some people characterize what happens at midlife, or following a noteworthy event, as a “crisis,” but it’s not.

“It’s an unraveling, a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, not the one you’re supposed to live,” she says. “It’s a challenge to let go who we think we are supposed to be and embrace who we really are.”

It’s a time to throw out the shoulds.

For me, the unraveling came with the realization that I had spent years striving to fulfill expectations that no one had of me (perfectionism), and trying to live up to expectations that others had no business having of me (co-dependence). The result?

Shame. Lots and lots of shame.

That’s why I was delighted when a friend recommended Brown’s “The Gifts

of Imperfection.” It was a call to let go of another layer of grief and shame and rekindle the joy in who I was created to be.

Brown’s writing showed me that shame loves perfectionists because it’s so easy to keep us quiet. She reminded me that being

“OWNING OUR STORY AND LOVING OURSELVES THROUGH THAT PROCESS IS THE BRAVEST THING THAT WE WILL EVER DO.” —BRENÉ BROWN

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imperfect does not mean being inadequate.

Her words gently, but boldly, instructed me that when we struggle to believe in our own worthiness, we start hustling for it.

I began to realize that shame can corrode the part of me that believes I can change, and it’s always close by, lurking in all my familiar places.

“The Gifts of Imperfection” empowered me to combat that shame, live wholeheartedly, and engage my life from a place of worthiness. For me, that meant cultivating courage, compassion, and connection so I could wake up each morning knowing that, for whatever I accomplished and whatever I didn’t, I was enough.

In her playful and engaging style, Brown shares 10 guideposts for leaning into life with your whole heart — 10 traps to let go of and replace with something more lifegiving, transformative ideas like cultivating authenticity, resilience, self-compassion, gratitude, play, and meaningful work.

Feeling a little unraveled these days? Pick up a copy of “The Gifts of Imperfection.” It might be the inspiration you need to release your shoulds and live boldly into your story.

It was for me.

Editor’s Note: “The Gifts of Imperfection” was published in 2010, followed by “Daring Greatly,” “Rising Strong,” and Brené’s newest book, “Braving the Wilderness.”

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D AY I N T H E L I F E

COMMITTED TO HIS CALLING Refugee pastor Nene Peter goes where he feels led.

by B R A N D O N H O O P S | ph o to s by Na te B u x man , Howard Jon es, an d Nadi a Ch er n ookaya

W

hen a phone call during the early morning hours interrupts the silence of a shift at work or a night’s sleep at home, Nene Peter tries to answer.

It’s not so much an inconvenience as an opportunity. Behind each call is a person.

Someone a long way from their home.

Someone adjusting to a new culture.

Someone in need of comfort or advice or prayer. For Nene, being a pastor to a group of refugees in Columbia is a calling. And sometimes living out your calling isn’t easy.

“I’m busy all the time, but it’s God who gives me this power to help people,” Nene says. “Like I tell my kids, our ministry is to serve God and help people.”

There is a certain pain refugees endure when moving to a new country, not only because of losses, including their homes, livelihoods and oftentimes loved ones, but also from the difficulties of adjusting to new realities. Finding food. Finding

shelter. Finding employment. Learning the language and culture.

It’s a struggle Nene experienced firsthand.

He was separated from his family for 11 years after warfare reached his village in the

NENE PETER WAS SEPARATED FROM HIS FAMILY FOR 11 YEARS AFTER WARFARE REACHED HIS VILLAGE IN THE DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC OF CONGO IN 2002. HE WAS GRANTED PERMISSION TO PERMANENTLY RESETTLE IN THE UNITED STATES AND MOVED TO COLUMBIA IN 2010 TO START A WORSHIP SERVICE FOR A SMALL COLLECTION OF CONGOLESE REFUGEES. COMO L I V I N G

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Democratic Republic of Congo in 2002.

Nene was granted permission to permanently resettle in the United States in 2008, and he moved to Columbia in 2010 to start a worship service for a small collection of Congolese refugees. It was a risk for Nene, who left St. Louis for a city where he didn’t have a job. But he followed his calling, believing it was important to help other refugees practice their faith like they did back home.

“Many people have been scattered because of war,” says Nene, who found a job working nights in housekeeping at Boone Hospital Center. “I believe God has a purpose for us.”

After six years at First Baptist Church, the congregation found a new home at Christian Fellowship Church in the spring of 2016.

The three-hour Sunday service, which is held in Swahili and translated into Kinyarwanda, Kirundi and Kinyamulenge, bursts with the passion and spirit of everyone’s native cultures. Refugees wear traditional attire and express their worship

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D AY I N T H E L I F E

A TYPICAL DAY

5:30 a.m.: While much of

Columbia sleeps, Nene finishes his shift at Boone Hospital Center. He goes home to a quiet house and takes a shower.

7:00 a.m.: Arrives at Christian Fellowship Church. Nene spends some time in prayer, checks his email, reads his Bible, and prepares his sermon.

9:00 a.m.: He might have a meeting with other pastors at Christian Fellowship or he’ll go visit refugees, listening, praying, and helping them with whatever they need help with.

12:00 p.m.: Lunch at home. It’s often a rushed meal because his family is eager to spend time with him. He likes to pray with them or take them outside to a park.

1:00 p.m.: He heads to the bedroom to sleep, which isn’t always easy with a full house and a phone that buzzes constantly.

4:00 to 5:00 p.m.: It’s not uncommon for Nene’s sleep to be cut short by the kids.

6:00 p.m.: If he’s working overtime, he’ll go into work. If not, his regular work time starts at 9 p.m.

Refugees worship together at the African Christian Fellowship Conference in June.

through dancing, jumping, singing, and testimony. Nene, 43, and his co-pastor, Jean Claude Ntimpa, lead the service and share preaching duties.

In June, they even hosted an African Christian Fellowship Conference with more than 300 attendees from six states.

Throughout the week, Nene’s role is more personal than congregational. He spends much of his mornings and afternoons visiting people in their homes. Since many have “hearts full of pain,” he says, Nene will

“MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SCATTERED BECAUSE OF WAR,” SAYS NENE, WHO FOUND A JOB WORKING NIGHTS IN HOUSEKEEPING AT BOONE HOSPITAL CENTER. “I BELIEVE GOD HAS A PURPOSE FOR US.” pray for them and remind them of God’s faithfulness. He also helps them assimilate into American life by teaching them how to drive or taking them to a doctor’s appointment or the grocery store.

Mike Acock, the executive pastor at Christian Fellowship, appreciates the compassion and dedication Nene lives with every day.

“What stands out about Nene is he has a character and integrity about him,” Mike says. “And he works harder than anyone I know. He’s constantly caring for people.”

Nene also cherishes the time he spends with his family during the week. For years he lived in the dark, not knowing whether he would ever see his wife Francine or his children again. In 2009, Nene learned his family was alive. They reunited in July 2013.

“Being reunited was like another wedding,” Nene says.

Now Nene enjoys going home for lunch or spending afternoons at a local park with his two youngest children, 3-year-old Israel and 1-year-old Mugeni. His oldest children, Aline, Kwezie, and Claude start college this

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fall, while Freddy will be a sophomore at Rock Bridge High School.

Someday, Nene dreams of working with an author to write and publish a small book sharing his personal journey over the past 15 years.

“If I remember all I’ve passed through, much of it’s bad, but it also makes me so happy because I have experienced many miracles,” Nene says. “I believe people can know Jesus through my story.”

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KEEPING IT UP

BY JAKE FRINK Find more at rostlandscaping.com

Recently I’ve discussed the value of landscaping. This article pertains to the importance of proper maintenance.

Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a maintenance-free landscape, even the lowmaintenance ones require a little work.

With thousands of dollars invested in to your outdoor living space, it’s important to have a maintenance plan in mind. The life expectancy of a landscape changes drastically based on how it is maintained. With poor maintenance, the life expectancy is less than 5 years; if well taken care of, landscapes will last 15-20 years or more. Professionally maintained landscapes takes years of experience in horticulture and is often more complex than installing the original design.

THERE ARE MANY 3 LEVELS OF MAINTENANCE PLANS TO THINK ABOUT: 1.

2.

3.

Maintaining your own landscape This is feasible with a little spare time and a lot of plant knowledge.

Hire professional care part time You are paying for the key knowledge and tedious works and keeping up with the rest yourself.

Hire professional care full time Outlined below are the basics of landscape maintenance and what they entail.

A precaution to keep in mind: not everyone who does landscaping is a professional horticulturist who knows how to maintain each plant variety. For example, every year we get many complaints about someone unhappy with plants that won’t bloom. If you don’t prune at the right time for the right plant, you’re pruning off all of the buds/blooms for that year. Who wants to miss a Lilac bloom every year?

FERTILIZING: All plants benefit from some sort of fertilization every year. Keeping the soil healthy helps with growth and blooming and avoiding susceptibility

to diseases and pests, leading a plant to thrive, not just survive.

SPRAYING: Most common spraying practices include spraying to prevent and reduce weeds, spraying for pests (such as Japanese Beetles), and spraying to prevent deer damage. Timing is everything, otherwise spraying is a waste of money and simply results in putting chemicals unnecessarily into the ground.

PRUNING: Perhaps the most complicated component, knowing how and when to prune differs for each plant variety. Pruning helps plants

produce new growth. Deadheading blooms encourage prolonged blooming and helps it bloom better next season. Many beautiful, expensive landscapes we’ve installed look unmanaged very quickly and then it’s more expensive to correct or repair.

In landscape maintenance, timing is key for pruning, fertilizing, spraying and more.

Landscape maintenance plans are fully customizable for your individual yard’s needs.

Whichever route you choose, ensure that you are staying on top of your landscape maintenance in order to have the best results in protecting your investment into your outdoor space.

JAKE FRINK ROST LANDSCAPING

Jake Frink is a Columbia native who enjoys working and playing in outdoor spaces. He has a degree in plant science and landscape design from MU. With Rost Landscaping for nearly 18 years, Jake is the Design Manager. His natural talent for creating beautiful outdoor spaces gives him a huge sense of satisfaction.

Jake considers himself to be a very lucky husband as well as a lucky dad of three great kids.

573-445-4465

rostlandscaping.com

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BY ACCIDENT

BY DENISE PAYNE Find more at www.denisepayne.com

Sitting at your desk during lunch, you quickly check your personal email. There’s one email from the website that you have created an account on to find that perfect match. You open it up and wow! This is the one - the perfect one. You request a time to meet and within minutes they respond YES. The meeting will be tomorrow at 6:00 pm. The next day you leave work a bit early to get ready. Time just seems to tick slowly by until you get in your car to leave for the appointment. You show up a little early because you are so excited. At 6:00 pm you ring the doorbell. You are breathless with anticipation and then….

You now understand why the house is in your price range – it smells. It’s even difficult to catch your breath. From the photos, you wondered why such a large home with so many updates would be available to you – now you know.

Buying and selling a home is a courtship just like finding your one true love. The truth is, buyers and sellers often don’t realize they need to put their best foot forward - just like a first date.

Buyers will insist on looking at homes they cannot afford, putting the seller out for having to clean up, gather the family and leave their home for the showing just to find out the buyer cannot afford the price. The number of times that someone has called to see a home NOW because they have the day off and they drove by and saw my sign is countless. “Have you been to a lender?” I ask. “Well, no, but I’m sure I qualify.” In other words, do not make a reservation for a restaurant you cannot afford for your first date.

Sellers will think that the next owner can take care of the Pepto colored pink bathroom or the blue shag carpet from 1970. They indicate they don’t want to spend the money on the possibility that the buyer will want to select their own new flooring, new wall color or new counter top. The hard reality is that most

buyers do not have the extra income to do those changes after their down payment and closing costs. In other words, do not wear your disco clothes to your first date.

When both parties have put their best selves forward for the first date and the second date, both go well enough. The offer is made, accepted and next is the contract.

Here comes the fun part – inspections. Some people expect that a house either passes or fails an inspection. Nothing is father from the truth. A house will have issues – they all do.

Will the buyer accept these issues or ask the seller to repair/replace items? Will the seller agree to this? Such is the tango of the real estate transaction. Sometimes the seller will drop the buyer during the dip of the tango and sometimes the buyer will twirl away and leave the dance floor.

You make it through inspections and the appraisal. Now we are clear to close. The seller and buyer both are happy and wish each other the best. A successful home closing has occurred. A match made in heaven.

DENISE PAYNE THE DENISE PAYNE REAL ESTATE TEAM

Denise has been a Realtor since 2004 and achieved the designations of Graduate of REALTOR Institute and Certified Relocation Professional. A Mizzou Alumni, she ensures that she knows all the current options of home financing to help both her sellers and her buyers know all their options. Denise also understands home staging and owns her own staging furniture and accessories to offer her sellers at no additional cost. She’s won many awards including the Centurion Producer and is a regular member of the Weichert President’s Club. She services all of Mid-Missouri by belonging to 3 MLS systems.

3700 Monterey Drive Suite A, Columbia, MO 65203 573-777-7274 | DenisePayne.com

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YOUR HOME’S FALL CHECKLIST: PREPARING FOR COOLER WEATHER

BY CALE KLIETHERMES Find more at: www.kliethermes.com

A

s the “dog days” of summer begin to wind down, we start looking forward to cooler weather. For many, it’s hard to rationalize preparing our homes for fall and winter, when we’re still sweating through 90 degree days. However, now is the perfect time to do some preventative maintenance on your home.

This simple checklist is a brief guide to both outdoor and indoor maintenance to keep every aspect of your home running smoothly this fall and winter.

EXTERIOR MAINTENANCE CLEAN OUT YOUR GUTTERS Autumn isn’t referred to as “fall” for nothing!

Gutters will garner a lot of action in the upcoming fall and winter months due to falling leaves.

Cleaning them out and installing mesh guards to keep debris out will prevent potential problems down the road.

WINTERIZE OUTDOOR FAUCETS & SPRINKLER SYSTEMS With hot summer temps, your sprinkler system might have been working overtime the past few months. Soon, your garden and your lawn will need much less attention. As the weather starts to cool, close any shut-off valves for outdoor water spigots and make sure your sprinkler system is turned off and freeze proof. Your system manufacturer should have instructions on how to prevent your system from freezing over the winter, which could cause hundreds to thousands of dollars in damage.

INSPECT YOUR ROOF AND SIDING With coming fall leaves and eventual snow, check that your roof is not damaged or missing any shingles. If your roof is easily accessible, this is something you can do on your own. If you have steep dormers or other hard to access spots on

your roof, it’s best to call a professional to ensure that your roof is ready to brave the cold. As for siding, check specifically for cracks or holes. Any damage to the siding could cause cold air to enter your home, causing your electric bill to skyrocket.

INTERIOR MAINTENANCE PREP YOUR FURNACE Professionals encourage homeowners to have their heating systems inspected once a year to prevent costly repairs or full-on heating catastrophes. The last thing you want on a cool fall evening is to come back to a home with no heat! Hire a professional to change the filter, check efficiency, and test for leaks. Stock up on a few filters to make replacement easy over the course of the winter.

CLEAN YOUR FIREPLACE AND CHIMNEY Imagine curling up on the couch in front of a roaring fire on a cool autumn night.

Now imagine your home filling with smoke because your chimney is blocked! To prevent blockage or a chimney fire, it’s important to clean your chimney and make sure the

damper to your flue is working properly. This way, you can safely enjoy the benefits of your fireplace during the cooler months ahead.

TEST CARBON MONOXIDE AND SMOKE DETECTORS You’ve probably heard this sentiment before, but did know that you’re supposed to test your carbon monoxide and smoke detectors during time changes? Each time we “Fall Back” or “Spring Forward” an hour, make sure to test your detectors to make sure they are working properly.

Something as easy as changing the batteries could save your family from carbon monoxide poisoning or a potential house fire.

Preventative maintenance for your home is crucial in avoiding costly and irritating surprise repairs. Beyond maintenance, prepping your home aesthetically for autumn helps ring in the season with comfort and a sense of coziness that comes with cooler weather.

Ready to make an upgrade to your home before fall? Call Kliethermes today at (573) 446-2222 for a free consultation!

CALE KLIETHERMES

KLIETHERMES HOMES & REMODELING

Cale Kliethermes has learned the construction business from the ground up, working with his father to uphold the 40-year legacy that is Kliethermes Homes & Remodeling. Having been immersed in the industry since his teenage years, Cale possesses decades’ worth of expert knowledge and experience regarding new construction and remodels. Cale studied business administration and finance at Regis University, in Denver, Colorado, and earned his CGR (Certified Graduate Remodeler) designation from the National Association of Home Builders (NAHB). He also served in Iraq with the U.S. Marine Corps, where he built secure housing and observation posts. Cale specializes in leading homeowners through the creative process of designing their ideal home, and he is skilled in determining unique solutions that result in life-changing differences.

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11 STEPS TO MAKING SOLAR SHINE IN YOUR LIFE

BY DAN SHIFLEY Find more at dogwoodSOLAR.com

9) BI-DIRECTIONAL METER • Protective Inspection, by city or county official for building codes • Third party inspection is required by some utilities • Utility Inspection confirms compliance with their requirements

1) INFORMATION GATHERING Research online. Talk to friends and family who have installed solar.

2) CONTACT DOGWOOD SOLAR Dogwood Solar will complete a Solar Site Analysis and prepare a Performance and Financial Analysis based on the specifics of your project.

3) EVALUATE THE RESULTS • How will shade and other site-specific factors impact your system?

• Are the assumptions made about utility rate increases and inflation identified? In your opinion, are they reasonable?

• How long are the product warranties?

• How long is the contractor’s workmanship warranty?

• Who designed your system? Are they NABCEP certified?

• Will a NABCEP certified PV Installation Professional be supervising and responsible for your installation?

• Do they have references? Have you seen a previous client’s installs to see how they look?

What do you like? What don’t you like?

• Where do they intend to mount conduit, wiring, electrical boxes, and controllers? Indoors or on the side of the home? Where would you prefer to have it? How will exterior conduit be routed?

Will there be exposed conduit on the roof?

rebate applications, if available, and the installation agreement.

6) PERMITS & SCHEDULE Once is approved for interconnection, we place you on the installation schedule and obtain the required permits.

7) INSTALLATION We will give you an estimated start date and keep you informed if weather or schedules affect your start date. Most installations take between 3 and 5 days.

8) FINANCIALS We work with our clients to find the best way to purchase their system. There are rebates and incentives, in addition to financing options.

10) INSPECTIONS Once inspections are complete and final paperwork is submitted, we place a work order with the electric utility for a new bi-directional meter that credits you for the solar electricity you produce.

11) PERMISSION TO OPERATE This is my favorite day. I get to take a picture of you turning your system on! We confirm operation as expected, verify data monitoring is performing properly, and do a final walk through to ensure we have met or exceeded your expectations.

MAKE THE BRIGHT CHOICE. Use the above outline to help add solar to your home or business.

DAN SHIFLEY

DOGWOOD SOLAR

4) FINALIZE SYSTEM DETAILS • Choose the options that matter to you.

• Consider data monitoring, panel frame color, system size, electric panel upgrade, solar structures, electrical vehicle charging, battery back up • Adjust the system to meet your budget, performance, and energy offset requirements.

Dan founded Dogwood Solar in 2010 to bring solar into the lives homeowners and business-owners throughout the area. He adheres to the standards set by the North American Board of Certified Energy Practitioners [NABCEP], and is nationally certified as a Photovoltaic Installation Professional and a Solar Heating Professional. Dan specializes in beautiful solar installations that perform as well as they look. Very happy to call Columbia home, Dan spends time enjoying this great town with his wife and three daughters.

5) PAPERWORK Dogwood Solar provides and submits the Interconnection Agreement with the utility,

573-424-2011

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TAKING THE GUESSWORK OUT

BY JAKE BAUMGARTNER Find more at baumgartners.com

Using Pintrest as a design resource (and who doesn’t these days?!), trends still lean strongly toward soft textures, organic artsy décor and a romantic feel. Those same trends are prevalent in so many of our furniture lines - like Magnolia Home Furniture, Broyhill and Riverside. We all agree that our homes are our most important place and creating meaningful, creative spaces can be daunting without guidance. We provide all sorts of advice in the store and here are just a few to consider …

Measure Not only your floor space but don’t forget about height and depth. Measure the items already in the room that you plan to keep.

Knowing crucial dimensions will save you from future headaches, I promise!

Avoid being too matchy-matchy With the right direction, you can and should switch things up a little. It’s perfectly fine to pair sleek with traditional pieces.

Scale is key For real interest, don’t be afraid to mix things up. This not only enhances the balance but adds interest, as well. Scale also pertains to patterns. Typically large rooms can handle larger patterns and vice versa.

Again, you can bend the rules a little. But do so on a small scale!

Be open-minded It can really be fun to arrange pieces not only within a room but even shifting them to an entirely different area.

Yes, there’s a lot to consider when adding special pieces to your collection. But when you work with a team like ours, you get to focus on the fun parts of furniture shopping.

You’ll know what you like. We know how to pull it all together.

Décor features every room needs •

Texture

•

Color

•

Personality

JAKE BAUMGARTNER

BAUMGARTNER’S FURNITURE

Jake essentially grew up in the furniture industry as he is the fourth generation involved in Baumgartner’s Furniture. Working very closely with his father, Alan, Jake has been devoted to the stores full time since 2004. His greatest enjoyment, however, still comes from working closely with the customers. He is married to Sarah and they have two active boys, Noah and Laine. Jake received his degree in finance from Saint Louis University.

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Good lighting

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A HAPPY HOME SHOULD ALSO BE A HEALTHY HOME

BY ANNE TUCKLEY Find more at: AnneTuckleyhome.com

Home is a place where we can truly be ourselves, spend time with loved ones, and relax. For those of us that are fortunate, home is a place we love and desire to be. It is a happy place for us, but unfortunately, it is not always the healthiest.

Major issues that require significant changes like mold aside, the following are five design tips to help make your happy home a healthier home: 5. Let the light in: Sunshine is a natural mood enhancer. Illuminate your home with more natural light rather than artificial light. It will boost your mood and reduce your electrical costs.

4. Temperature control: We all love (and I say this with the utmost sarcasm) the daily thermostat battles. Stop the fights for good by decorating your chairs, sofas, and beds with luxurious throws. They will keep the chilly one happy, cozy, and at a comfortable temperature to help prevent illness.

3. Wash those hands: It sounds silly, but people tend to have a strong preference for liquid soap over bar soap or vice versa. Cater to your family’s and guests’ own preferences and help ensure those hands are getting scrubbed by having a liquid soap dispenser and a decorative soap dish in your bathroom.

Also make sure to have hand towels available.

Nothing discourages a guest from washing their hands quite like a used bath towel as the only drying source.

2. Cover your feet: Many homes have a shoes-off policy to help prevent the tracking of both dirt and germs throughout the home.

While reasonable, it can frequently make guests uncomfortable especially if their socks are less than brand new or they are not wearing any.

Curb the discomfort by keeping a decorative basket full of slippers by the door for your guests to slip on when they enter your home. It will keep the floors clean and the potential foot odor and other embarassments under wraps.

1. Decorate with fruits and nuts: Both adults and kids do not always make the best decisions when it comes to snacking and frequently, convenience wins. Encourage healthy habits

by filling bowls, vases, and decanters with prewashed fruits and a variety of nuts to create an earthy decor that is also delicious.

Happy decorating!

ANNE TUCKLEY

ANNE TUCKLEY HOME

Anne has been in the interior design industry for over 20 years and has resided in many metropolitan cities from NYC to Houston while honing in on her skills.

Her specialties are interior design and home staging, with a focus on unique perception. Anne graduated with a BFA in fine art with a concentration in design and illustration. She has extensive experience in designing new construction as well as remodeling and conceptualizing out-of-the-box ideas. She ensures cutting edge design and superb customer service.

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108 Corporate Lake Place, Columbia, MO 65203 573-639-1989 | AnneTuckleyhome.com

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Timeless Tradition Delta Gamma’s new home weaves together old and new.

by B E T H B R A M S T E D T | photos by A A R O N O T T I S COMO L I V I N G

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T

he Delta Gamma house has adorned 900 South Providence since the 1920s. With its beautiful curved facade and unique portico, it’s served as a historic reminder of Columbia’s past and the anchor of the sorority’s sisterhood.

After a long and exciting road, including a year to rebuild, the new Delta Gamma house opened in August. With an upgrade in security, technology, and mechanical features, in addition to the historic elements borrowed from the former house, the new Delta Gamma facility remains a timeless tradition.

“Our No. 1 goal was that our new home reflects all the beauty, warmth, and nostalgia of our former home,” says Trish Stahly, co-chair of the interior design committee. “We want our current members to feel welcome and create wonderful memories. We also want our alumni to walk in and feel instantly at home.”

To meet these goals, the team decided to save as many things from the old house as possible. Early in the planning process, the committee chose to work with Aaron Dolan and his team at Studio Home. Aaron inventoried the old house and made plans to repurpose as much as possible. “We didn’t want to cut out history,” Aaron says.

“Everything we could use, we did use.”

The repurposed artifacts include a table, made from the old staircase, that sits outside the chapter room; replicated paneling and original framed floor plans that decorate the navy and white Anchor Room; and reupholstered furniture and reframed art that enhance the formal living room. Framed songbook pages line one wall in the dining room, and antique china and silver are displayed in a secure china cabinet that Aaron purchased. The original chandelier from the house’s Heritage Room still hangs above the table, and even “Pinky,” a beloved piece of art, has a special place in the new home.

The home’s exterior and floor plan also mirror the old house. The brick is as similar to the original red as the team could find, and the shutters, keystones, attic windows, and chimneys bring out the historic nature of the former house. The porch has a similar feel, and the lighted anchor still hangs above COMO L I V I N G

The home’s main entrance

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HOME TOUR

The Anchor Room

The Heritage Room

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The formal living room

The Burnam Street entrance

the door as you enter. Inside, the Anchor Room sits to the north, and the formal living room to the south. The only significant change was moving the dining room from the basement to the main floor and creating a chapter room in its place.

Aaron says the new home feels very similar to the old one. “I think people will walk in and recognize the house — only better,” Trish adds.

The committee also worked hard to create a vestibule and grand staircase that emulated the former house. “Historically, everything memorable happened on the grand staircase. It was a gathering place that gave each event a feeling of importance,” Trish says. “We wanted our staircase to be as open as possible from the basement to the second floor, just like it was. Aaron helped us design it and marry the nostalgic features with the requirements of city code.”

In addition to preserving the home’s history, the design committee also wanted to make sure the new house facilitated the sorority’s purpose — to be a sisterhood built on doing good and making the world a better place.

“The other problem was that we had both a house and an annex.

Up until last year, there were 100 girls spread between two places — our chapter meetings and functions had to be held off-site, usually in generic university space,” Trish says. “We wanted our collegians to live and gather under one roof, creating an atmosphere conducive to bonding as sisters in a shared home.”

The home now sleeps 91 girls on two floors and includes a chapter room that seats more than 300, bringing the sisterhood together to make memories and build lifelong friendships.

Neither Aaron or Trish was present when the sisters came back for the fall semester, but committee co-chair Donna Buchert experienced their arrival firsthand.

“There were lots of screams,” Donna says. “They were overwhelmed.”

Editor’s Note: The architect on the project was TreanorHL of Lawrence, Kansas, and Little Dixie Construction of Columbia served as the contractor.

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Within

Walking Distance Kaitlynn Burbridge has a soft voice and beautiful smile.

She lives in Ashland, loves soccer, and has three siblings.

She is the second born, the oldest girl, and currently a senior at Southern Boone High School. Kaitlynn lived the typical teenage life until June of 2014, at age 13, when she noticed an unusual bump on her left leg.

Andrea Evenski dreamed of becoming a doctor. As long as her parents can remember, it was something she wanted to be. Her dream became reality. After practicing at the University of Pennsylvania for four years, she moved to Columbia in June of 2013.

She joined the staff of MU Health Care and the orthopedic care team, and became the first orthopedic oncologist in mid-Missouri.

Meeting Dr. Evenski was not in the plans for Kaitlynn Burbridge and her family. But they can’t imagine where they’d be without her.

by B E T H B R A M S T E D T ph o to s by K E I T H B O R G M E Y E R A N D J I M R O B E R T S O N

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Discovery and Diagnosis During the summer after her eighth-grade year, Kaitlynn Burbridge was playing soccer when she discovered a bump on her leg. “We thought it was a shin splint, so we waited a little while to get it checked out,” she shares.

Once they did, her family doctor noticed that something didn’t look right. “After that, almost every day there was something new, a new appointment or scan,” Kaitlynn remembers.

Teresa Egbert, Kaitlynn’s mom, is the office manager for the MU Veterinary Health Center. One of her friends there, chief oncologist Dr. Jeff Bryan, was concerned about Kaitlynn’s scans and offered to introduce the family to his research partner, Dr. Andrea Evenski.

“Jeff offered to make the introduction if we needed it,” Teresa says. “And we did.”

“Teresa asked Jeff to look at her X-rays, and he forwarded them on to me,” Andrea recalls. “We had concern for a possible tumor and malignancy and therefore had her come to the clinic right away. She presented with all the appropriate X-ray images, so we were able to proceed quickly with a biopsy to get her a diagnosis.”

“No one would call it cancer. They wouldn’t say it,” Teresa says. “The first biopsy came back and they weren’t sure.

They had to do a second biopsy to give us an official answer.”

A week before her 14th birthday, Kaitlynn was diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma, an extremely rare cancer that occurs in and around the bones.

Kaitlynn was in the room for every discussion about what came next, and she knew about all the possibilities. Her reaction was a calm and steady force for those around her. “We had prepared ourselves beforehand,” she says. “I liked knowing. I wasn’t as scared once I knew what to expect.”

“She’s an inspiring girl and a sweetheart,” Andrea says. “She was amazing,” Teresa adds.

“I don’t even remember her crying. She was the one who kept everyone up, especially her dad.”

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Next Steps

Surgery and Recovery

After the diagnosis, things moved quickly; more appointments and more new things every day. “It was a worrisome process,” says Andrea.

“After the biopsies, we sat with our tumor board. We all put our heads together to come up with a treatment plan that worked for her.”

Kaitlynn received staging studies, bone scans, CTs, and more to see if the tumor was anywhere else in her body. She underwent several phases of chemotherapy, then more staging studies prior to surgery. “Thankfully the cancer was localized to her tibia,” Andrea says.

Kaitlynn’s biggest struggle came during chemotherapy. Her treatments lasted for five days every other week. She could go home between treatments if her body was responding well, but she basically lived in the hospital for a full year. Kaitlynn would sleep most of the time because it was the easiest thing to do. “I even gave myself my own injections,” Kaitlynn explains. “It was only when I was really sick and couldn’t eat that it got me down.”

At the hardest points, she went days without eating. “I avoided apples because they would get stuck, and I could not eat sushi,” she says emphatically. She lost so much weight, she got down to 83 pounds.

Over time, Kaitlynn learned what worked for her and what didn’t. She discovered that chewing gum during treatment would help, and slowing down how fast the nurses pushed the medicine also made a difference. By the end, she’d deduced some weird foods that she enjoyed and didn’t make her sick, like baked potatoes with hot sauce, macaroni, and fried chicken. “I would ask my dad to go get it for me, and he would spoil me with whatever I wanted,” Kaitlynn says with a smile.

Teresa remembers the day when Kaitlynn’s hair fell out in the shower and they knew it was time to shave her head. “She didn’t even cry,” Teresa says. “But the hardest part for me was when her surgery kept getting postponed.”

The family had to wait for Kaitlynn’s body to be ready for the grueling 13-hour surgery. “Dr. Evenski had to be so patient with me,” Teresa adds. “I cried both times it got postponed. I just wanted that tumor out of her body.”

On October 28, 2014, it was finally time.

The surgical team took out the tumor and part of surrounding tissue and reconstructed Kaitlynn’s leg. “She was still growing, and we were able to save her growth plates,” Andrea shares. “We reconstructed it with part of her bones and part cadaver bones.

Our plastic surgeons harvested the fibula on the other side of her leg, with its blood vessel attachment, and slid it down a bigger cadaver bone and plated it back into her tibia. Then they hooked up the blood vessels of the fibula to provide blood flow to help with healing.”

The surgery was an all-day adventure for Andrea and a team of surgeons. Kaitlynn stayed in the ICU afterward to make sure the blood was flowing through her leg. “It was a long recovery after that,” Andrea says. “As soon as the site was healed, she underwent post-operative chemotherapy for about a year.

After that she was considered tumor-free.”

How did Kaitlynn pass the time in treatment? “We watched ‘One Tree Hill’ — all nine seasons!” she says.

While they were in the hospital, she would go down to the teen room when she felt good.

“We would do lots of arts and crafts, and I was asked to mentor another young cancer patient who was struggling,” Kaitlynn says.

Another aspect of recovery was learning to walk again. After months in a wheelchair, then crutches, then a hip-high cast, she had to re-learn the basic skill. “I had no strength.

We did a lot of therapy,” Kaitlynn says. “It progressed with time, but I couldn’t do many of the exercises because, with no strength or balance, I would fall over.”

Throughout the process, Kaitlynn received care packages, had lots of visitors, and never spent a night alone. “All the people who supported me helped a lot,” she says. She also built a special bond with “Uncle David” at the front desk of Women and Children’s Hospital. “We became very close,” Kaitlynn says. “He went above and beyond,” Teresa adds. “He would take his lunch hour and sit with her, even if she was sleeping.”

“I knew it would be better to fight through best I could than feel bad for myself and always be sad.”

—Kaitlynn Burbridge

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Teresa says Kaitlynn was the strength for her and Greg, Kaitlynn’s dad. “This was a difficult journey to say the least,” Teresa says. “I did a lot of in-the-shower crying because she was so strong. She took everything in stride. She’s what made me get through.”

Where did her strength come from? “I knew it would be better to fight through best I could than feel bad for myself and always be sad,” Kaitlynn says. “I kept up the energy I had and tried to find things to be happy about. I didn’t want to be sad all the time.”

Looking Forward What was the goal with Kaitlynn’s case? “We wanted to minimize her re-operation rate, maximize her function, and keep her tumorfree,” Andrea says. “It’s a lot to figure out, and it took a team.” Yet the outcome was a triumph. “The treatment plan worked, her leg healed, and she’s tumor-free!” Andrea says. “She has a leg she’s walking on and she doesn’t have cancer.”

“I really like Dr. Evenski,” Kaitlynn says. “She’s very caring. She did that crazy surgery, and I still have my leg, and that’s a big deal for me.”

Andrea loves the relationship she has with her patients, and Kaitlynn is no exception. She was even invited to Kaitlynn’s postchemo birthday party. “My daughters know her so well,” Andrea says.

“It’s been a wonderful experience for both sides. I get hugs all the time. I feel like her family is an extension of my family.”

Following surgery and treatment, Kaitlynn and her family have adjusted to a new normal. She still struggles with breathing, has less energy, and gets nervous with any new soreness or pain. “It’s our normal. It’s not anybody else’s. It’s not normal normal,” Kaitlynn explains. “It’s just adapting to our kind of normal. We’re all used to it now.”

Kaitlynn still has regular check-ups and surveillance studies every several months. “Most reoccurrences will happen in the first two years, so she’s over that first major hump, which we’re excited about,” Andrea explains. “Five years is the next big hump.”

Besides working, finishing high school, shopping for clothes, and eating West Main pizza every chance she gets, what’s next for 17-year-old Kaitlynn? “After everything I went through, I got a real big interest in nursing, so I took a class at the career center and got my CNA [certified nursing assistant certificate], so now I’m working at a nursing home. My mom and I are talking about me going to college to be a pediatric oncology nurse.”

Kaitlynn has chosen Columbia College for school and hopes to work for MU Health Care in the future. This year, she’ll finish up a few high school classes but leave for work–study at Ashland Health Care. She and Evenski have switched their focus to work on strengthening her legs and feet so she can stand for the 12-hour shifts.

“She’s made it her goal to become a nurse and she’s not stopping,” Andrea says. “She’s doing everything she can to get there.”

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Rethinking PTSD Alternative healing methods provide hope for victims of trauma.

by J E N N I F E R T R U E S DA L E | photos by K E I T H B O R G M E Y E R

W

hen we think of post-traumatic stress disorder, we often think of male combat veterans who have returned from war with immense physical and emotional trauma. Statistically, however, PTSD is more common in civilian women.

According to the National Center for PTSD, more than half of all women will experience a trauma in their lifetime, and women are more than twice as likely as men to develop PTSD as a result. That’s

because women are more likely than men to lose a loved one suddenly or to experience childhood abuse, domestic violence, or sexual assault.

PTSD symptoms can include uncontrollable anxiety, avoidance of feelings, emotional numbness, and flashbacks.

Trauma coach and childhood sexual abuse survivor Cherie Doyen says those with PTSD as a result of prolonged trauma can also experience dissociation, or an involuntary

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disconnection from reality — she also refers to it as “reality hopping.”

Cherie says dissociation causes the trauma victim to shift between multiple and often conflicting realities. For the last two years, Cherie has been developing her own approach to healing trauma and helping women conquer their stress through astral travel, a voluntary out-of-body experience that allows victims to reconcile those realities and move from simply functioning to living.

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A HISTORY OF TRAUMA “Outwardly, we had this amazing family,” says Cherie, 56, about growing up with her parents, brothers, and grandmother. But that wasn’t the truth. “I came from a background of severe childhood abuse. I almost died the first time when I was 6 months old. My dad suffered a lot of trauma himself and was trapped in PTSD, and that came out as a lot of pain to us.

Our home was just riddled with violence.”

Cherie was repeatedly beaten and sexually abused until she left home at the age of 22.

One in three women will experience a sexual assault at some point, which is more likely to cause PTSD than other traumatic events.

The resulting stress led to chronic health problems that followed her into adulthood.

Despite these issues, Cherie opened a successful hair salon, got married, and had children. Her life seemed happy, yet she was haunted. Like many trauma victims, Cherie remembered only glimpses of the horrors she suffered as a child. But that changed when she became pregnant.

“It’s like amnesia,” she says. “I really didn’t remember anything until I got pregnant.

I started having these flashbacks and my world just came crashing down.” Cherie says that remembering trauma during pregnancy isn’t uncommon.

Cherie was soon diagnosed with PTSD, and for the next 30 years, she would search for answers and healing in therapy and antidepressants, but she continued to struggle with her trauma. She decided to seek relief from alternative forms of therapy, traveling the world to study with shamans and medicine men to find natural, drug-free ways of coping with her immense stress.

Combining her knowledge of several traditions, Cherie found that she could

Trauma Coach Cherie Doyen

channel her involuntary reality hopping into astral travel. By voluntarily revisiting each trauma during an out-of-body experience achieved through a meditative state, she could safely observe the trauma as a third party and resolve her emotions – all with the intention of re-assimilating personal qualities and characteristics lost at each moment of trauma.

“A person, when they’re faced with trauma, leaves their body. They dissociate from their

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body,” explains Cherie. “With me, you’ve got a kid who dissociated for the first time at six months old. This person dissociated, and where I came back to is not exactly the same place I left. So, you’ve got a person at 6 months old, 9 years old, 10, 12, 19, who has dissociated with each trauma.”

Cherie uses each doll in a paper doll chain to illustrate how individual traumas caused her to dissociate and leave that version of herself behind in a perpetual linger, trapped

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in the moment of trauma. Cherie’s trauma coaching method is based on the idea of reintegrating each previous version of the survivor, like folding each cutout in the paper chain together into a single doll.

“PTSD becomes not about getting it out of your body, but reintegrating the versions of you left behind [from dissociating],” she says. “It’s a rescue mission. Let’s go get each version of you out of those moments and bring them home.”

A MISSION TO HEAL OTHERS Heather Erickson, 46, began trauma coaching with Cherie in April. Like Cherie, she had suffered grave abuses during childhood, but she couldn’t remember them. At 32, the death of her grandparents triggered severe panic attacks, uncontrollable crying episodes, suicidal thoughts, and disturbing flashbacks of her childhood. She checked herself into a hospital and was diagnosed with PTSD.

“It’s like amnesia. I really didn’t remember anything until I got pregnant. I started having these flashbacks and my world came crashing down.” ­—Cherie Doyen Pastor Tim Carson

“I had a beautiful life with my two daughters.

I owned my own café that was very successful,” Heather says about life before her diagnosis.

Heather was forced to close her business and returned to her native state of California to stay with family on several occasions.

Upon returning to Missouri earlier this year, Heather met Cherie through a group of women survivors that Cherie was counseling. Heather says she instantly felt a connection with Cherie.

“Cherie asked me, ‘What happened at this age?’ and immediately all the memories and emotions came back. And she said ‘Let’s go get her,’” Heather recalls of her

first session, when she remembered a childhood version of herself that was left behind. “So literally, visually, I go into the situation and I get her and take her to a tree and tell her it’s okay, and that I’m never leaving her again,” she says.

Cherie’s method begins by briefly getting to know her patient without probing into her trauma, and then she opens their chakras, a process done to clear the body’s energy.

Cherie says she forms a psychic connection to the patient that allows her to visualize the

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patient’s trauma timeline and ask questions that initiate astral travel to specific traumas.

Heather continued this trauma work with Cherie over the course of four months, continually reintegrating versions of herself that she had lost from trauma.

“I honestly felt like a piece of me had been replaced. I felt more whole,” says Heather. “It was absolutely miraculous. I’m calmer, but the most beautiful thing is the clarity. It clears out the junk so that I’m not battling that all day long. I’m accomplishing so much now.”

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Heather is working on publishing a women’s magazine that focuses on healing, as well as a documentary on sex trafficking.

Cherie has also turned to the arts to aid her healing process: three years ago, she published “Junebug,” an autobiographical account of her childhood, and now she is working to open Women Rising Sanctuary, a nonprofit dedicated to helping women survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence heal.

“We have an accountability as women to heal each other. We’re healers. We need to come together and unite,” Cherie says. “You do not have to suffer. It can be over and life can start. You can be in charge and choose who you want to be and how you want to be perceived.”

AN ALTERNATIVE THERAPY For many, the thought of seeing a therapist or psychiatrist for an emotional problem is daunting. The time commitment, expense, and thought of being vulnerable with a stranger can add to the stress of the problem at hand. That’s why some turn to another source — their pastor or minister.

“You get known for helping people,” says Tim Carson.

As the senior pastor at Broadway Christian Church for the last seven years, Tim has been trained in various forms of counseling to help members of his congregation cope with life’s challenges. He has offered counseling for grief, substance abuse, relationship problems, parenting issues, and PTSD. He is also the only pastor in Columbia who is certified as a practitioner of EFT, or emotional freedom techniques, commonly known as tapping.

“EFT is an approach to healing that appeals to the body and the psyche’s natural energy system,” Tim explains. “And that natural energy system, as known by many ancient religions from the East, deals with the body’s meridians, or all of the energy centers in the body.”

EFT was first introduced in 1995 by Gary Craig, a Stanford engineering graduate and ordained minister who specializes in healing and self-help. On his website, Gary likens EFT to emotional acupuncture, but without the needles. The method draws from the traditional Chinese medicine concept of our life-energy, chi (pronounced “chee”), traveling

through precise points of our bodies called meridians. In acupuncture, needles are placed at meridians where chi is blocked to help it flow freely, relieving pain, chronic conditions, and emotional disorders. EFT uses finger tapping on those meridians, instead of needles, to release problematic emotions trapped in our bodies.

“Trauma is a very specific thing that arises in a person as the result of an unanticipated event for which they are not prepared and do not have the resources to deal with,” Tim says. “That shocking moment is recorded neurologically and kept in your physical body, like ornaments on a Christmas tree.”

“My word of hope is this. I have seen many people who have already been on long paths of healing. Alternative methods are often faster. Don’t be afraid to try something new.”

—Pastor Tim Carson Tim says EFT is effective because it deals with trauma somatically, or through the body, while also using aspects of cognitive or talk therapy and energy therapy to heal mind, body, and spirit together.

“EFT goes to the story and gently taps while the emotions are surfaced,” Tim explains. “EFT combines somatic body therapies, cognitive therapies — because you’re actually surfacing the thoughts and feelings and allowing a person to reconstruct those for themselves — and this energetic approach, this understanding that the energy itself is going to make you better.”

When Tim meets with someone experiencing emotional trauma, he learns and then focuses on a particular story that’s causing them pain. He walks the person through each part of the story, speaking it aloud and having the person repeat it in short segments. Each segment ends with the affirmation “I fully and

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completely accept myself.”

Throughout the call-and-repeat process of walking through the story, Tim and the client tap through the meridians together. Tapping starts at the crown of the head, then moves in a cyclical fashion to the inside of the eyebrow, the temple, the boney ridge under the eye, the upper lip, the crease of the chin, the skin just below the collar bone, and finally to the side near the bottom of the rib cage. Each meridian is tapped seven or eight times before moving to the next, and the cycle is repeated until the end of the story is reached. Once a patient is familiar with the EFT process, it’s something he or she can practice alone without the guidance of a practitioner.

“We’re identifying either the thoughts or the feelings that are so troubling, and we’re tapping at the same time we’re exposing them,” Tim says. “You don’t tap your stories away. Instead, you tap the emotion out of the story. You metaphorically touch the wound and release the trauma so you’re not held captive by it any longer. It’s a systematic way of clearing so the energy system would flow again.”

Clinical studies have documented positive outcomes in patients who used this technique, including increased positive emotions, decreased physical pain, and less sensitivity to phobias. Tim says this is because tapping stimulates the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for memory, survival instincts, and emotions, and affects cortisol levels, the hormone our bodies release during stress.

“As you are tapping, you are soothing the pathways to the amygdala,” Tim says. “It actually changes your brain’s functioning when you tap. It brings down respiration and reduces heart rate. Cortisol levels have been measured before and after tapping, and they’re much lower after tapping.”

Tim devoted a section of his blog, Vital Wholeness, to help others learn about EFT. It features video tutorials of how to tap along with reading and other resources. For Tim, the effectiveness of the technique can’t be denied.

“My word of hope is this,” Tim says. “I have seen many people who have already been on long paths of healing. Alternative methods are often faster. Don’t be afraid to try something new.”

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Supporting

our Aging Parents

Balancing independence with assistance.

by J O R DA N M I L N E | ph o to s by A N T H O N Y J I N S O N

C

hange is the only constant in life, and therefore it is inevitable that our grandparents and parents will enter their golden years. It’s not easy — those years can present many challenges to overcome — but with help from professionals in the field and enough resources to guide us, we can respectfully support our loved ones into their final phase of life.

“Adult children should remember that their parent is still their parent,” says Jessie Kwatamdia, executive director for the Greater Missouri Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association. “Be respectful. Try not to treat them as a child, and always ask for their opinion.”

Kwatamdia believes that communication is key as our parents age, and she suggests that adult children sit down with their parents and ask questions to determine their struggles.

“Do they need help with taking medication?

Is their health failing? Have they gotten into accidents? And so forth,” she says.

MAINTAINING INDEPENDENCE If safety or health is a concern, Kwatamdia recommends considering what type of insurance they carry, how much will it cover, and what their out-of-pocket expense will be.

She says the decision-making is easier when the parent is driving the process.

“The aging adult should oversee his or her decisions,” says Dr. Paul Tatum, a family and community medicine physician at MU Health Care, “but adult children should be prepared to represent the wishes of the aging parent if cognitive impairment or illness impairs the

ability to represent themselves. The key is having conversations ahead of time.”

Tatum recommends asking your parents questions like these: • What is important to you?

• Do you understand your medical conditions and the prognosis?

• What are your fears about what’s to come?

• What are your goals with the time we have left?

• What trade-offs are you willing to make?

Tatum specializes in geriatric medicine as well as palliative medicine and hospice.

Since 2000 he has worked as a geriatrician, a primary care physician for older adults, a consultant, and as a medical director for nursing homes and hospices. He says that it’s important to remember that, despite physical limitations, most aging parents are quite capable.

“For aging parents with memory problems, however, support becomes a tricky balance of maximizing the independence of the parent and more trade-offs to protect the parent if the memory problems advance to full dementia,” Tatum says. “Early recognition of memory problems and planning ahead can make a difference.”

Kwatamdia advises that the adult child regularly check in on the parent and to assist with chores that need completion, such as mowing the lawn or getting groceries. It may also be helpful for the adult child to go to the parent’s doctor’s appointments with him or her.

“I would say the key consideration is preserving the independence of aging parents

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while maintaining a balance of safety,” Tatum says. “Of course, not every aging parent is the same. Some 70-year-olds can be quite frail, while some 90-year-olds remain vigorous.”

According to Tatum, driving is a key component of maintaining independence for older adults in the United States.

“In fact, most older adults are safe drivers,” he says. “There are challenges of slowed reaction time and reduced vision for some drivers, but many resources exist to make driving safer. For older adults with dementia, severe visual impairment, or impaired reaction time, giving up driving is sometimes necessary. The key for adult children is to help coordinate transportation alternatives that maintain independence.”

Kwatamdia recommends building a support system by evaluating if other siblings or neighbors can check in on the parent. For adult children who don’t live close to their parents, Tatum says that a geriatric care manager, usually a nurse or social worker who joins the patient at doctor visits and helps coordinate care, can be a valuable resource.

“And of course, it’s important to talk about the financing of longevity,” Tatum says. “For example, many older adults are unaware that nursing home costs are not covered by Medicare. What’s the plan if you’re not safe to live at home?”

While terms like “living wills” and “advance care planning directives” can sound scary, Tatum recommends that aging adults establish a formal representative for their health, designating that person with

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medical power of attorney. Planning for this can, by itself, be a profound way to put some independent control into an otherwise dependent situation. “I like to introduce this topic with the simple question,” Tatum says. “‘If you were suddenly sick and couldn’t speak for yourself, who is the best person to represent your wishes?’”

“THE KEY CONSIDERATION IS PRESERVING THE INDEPENDENCE OF AGING PARENTS WHILE MAINTAINING A BALANCE OF SAFETY.” —­D R. PAUL TATUM

THE NEED FOR ASSISTANCE When the tasks of assisting an aging parent prove to be too much for loved ones to handle themselves, assisted living facilities can provide peace for the family and community for the parent.

“Moving to assisted living, a long-term care unit, or an aging-in-place center is a complex and emotional decision,” Tatum says. “Be mindful of the emotions involved while exploring this. For some older adults,

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a move can come as a big relief, while for others, it’s devastating.”

Kwatamdia notes that moving may mean parents are leaving their friends, church, even their grocery store. “Everything that made where they were home,” she says. “If not carefully thought through, it can bring on other issues, such as depression.”

Kim Fanning, executive director at Provision Living, says that an assisted living community can help meet some of those needs by providing purposeful living in an engaging environment.

“Our residents feel they can contribute and make a difference,” says Fanning. “When

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Resources

for Family Members

AREA AGENCIES ON AGING health.mo.gov/seniors/aaa 573-526-4542 COLUMBIA SENIOR ACTIVITY CENTER columbiaseniorcenter.com 573-874-2050 ALZHEIMER’S ASSOCIATION Alz.org 1-800-272-3900 THE HEALTH IN AGING FOUNDATION healthinaging.org MU FAMILY CAREGIVERS CONFERENCE musomcme.com/caregiver AARP SAFE DRIVING ONLINE COURSE aarp.org/auto/driver-safety

not engaged in active living, residents can become overwhelmed with boredom. Their world gets smaller and smaller every day.

Many don’t realize how lonesome they really are. By changing address, they’re not giving away their personhood or their free will to navigate their lives, but rather they have time and energy to focus on the things they want to, and they leave the burdensome things, like shopping, cleaning, cooking, and laundry, to us.”

Fanning believes that safety is a key issue to address as adults enter their senior years and consider living arrangements. Seniors’ frailty can put them at a greater risk of being exploited if they search for new living arrangements on their own.

“Protective oversight” is an assisted living regulation in Missouri that creates peace of mind for families. The regulation states, “Protective oversight shall be provided twentyfour (24) hours a day,” and includes provisions if the resident leaves the facility voluntarily.

“Here at Provision Living we do a lot of ‘discreet surveillance,’ and our wonderful care staff and licensed nurses make this possible 24/7,” says Fanning. “This allows us the COMO L I V I N G

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opportunity to pick up on subtle changes and catch concerns early.”

Fanning says that the nutritious meals, correctly administered medication, and mental and physical stimulation of an assisted living environment often result in significant improvements in the resident’s life.

“Many of our residents often say, ‘I wish I’d done this sooner,’” Fanning says. “Their ability to live more independently without putting pressure on family members is actually enhanced.”

Regardless of our elders’ living situations, Fanning, Kwatamdia, and Tatum all agree that timely and abundant communication is the key in guiding them through their golden years.

“Children of adult seniors are often overwhelmed with the fear that their loved one needs more assistance and support than they’re willing to accept or admit,” says Fanning. “Many times, putting off decisions results in a catastrophic situation when there simply is no time left to make an informed decision or choice.”

May we give our aging parents the care, support, and love that they gave to us.

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Saving the

Sabbath

Setting aside a day for rest and replenishment.

by K E N N E DY R O B I N S O N

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Y

ou might have been introduced to them at church. Or perhaps you learned of them in school. Maybe you overheard them being discussed in casual conversation among peers. They could have been one of the many pearls of wisdom dropped during the long monologues of your grandparents. Personally, my first introduction happened during a time-out after my mother had repeatedly told me not to do something and I had repeatedly failed to listen. However they’re received, the Ten Commandments are ingrained in our minds before we can even spell the words.

And as we grow older, we realize how necessary, relevant, and eternal a lot of them are — we still consider murder and stealing a big universal no-no, for example.

For the most part, we attempt to maintain some respect for our elders. Adultery still breaks our hearts and lying still makes our blood boil.

But as we peek back through this authoritative list of dos and don’ts in Exodus 20, we stumble upon the seemingly forgotten Fourth Commandment: “Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy.” A seemingly simple commandment used to be as simple to undertake. But our lives are growing more hectic, technology is continuously advancing into our lives, and an even greater emphasis is being placed on productivity — we have no time to spare for rest and rejuvenation, even at a moment when our society could use it the most.

So, what exactly does it mean in the Christian tradition of the 21st century to honor the Sabbath and keep it holy?

“When I think of honoring the Sabbath, I think of taking a 24-hour period and just letting it be a day for replenishment, renewal, rest, and recreation,” says Pastor Kelly Wright. “A reason why the Sabbath is viewed as more of a suggestion is because we have gotten used to being really busy and distracted. We get caught on this hamster wheel, and it can be being busy doing a lot of good things, but we’re doing it out of our own strength.”

For Kelly, who oversees the Restore ministries at Woodcrest Chapel, instead

of being at the office checking emails, taking phone calls, and browsing through social media, her Sabbath involves only participating in things that are life-giving.

And she checks her technology at the door.

“It’s funny how some of the foundational reasons for all of the technological advances were to make our workweek shorter. And now our workweek never ends,” she laughs.

“THE REALITY IS YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH MORE IN SIX DAYS THAN IN SEVEN IF YOU TAKE A DAY OFF.” —DR. ROD CASEY A day of rest used to be considerably easier to undertake. Now, it’s hard to picture a time when teenagers weren’t glued to their smartphones, kids played outside instead of watching TV, and parents weren’t calling you every day to understand this whole Facebook thing.

Because of this, it’s easy to understand why our Sabbath became neglected. The evolution of technology, paired with the more-recent eradication of blue laws (laws that prohibit commercial activities on Sundays), we can observably see how our value on rest has changed.

Dr. Rod Casey, director of the Theological Education Initiative and a community pastor, has held the practice of honoring the Sabbath since 1983. “The lack of blue laws has certainly complicated things because the culture is losing the value of the Sabbath,”

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he says. “However, I’m not very bothered by the fact that the culture has changed. We just have to adapt to it.”

This raises the question: For something that requires so much adaptability and discipline, at a time when we are already stretched so thin, is honoring the Sabbath necessary? Or is it just one more commitment we feel obligated to keep?

“God didn’t give these laws to burden humans,” Rod says. “He gave these laws for the good of humans. So even though they may not make sense or it may not seem reasonable or logical, the reality is you will accomplish more in six days than in seven if you take a day off.”

Religious or not, we can almost all admit to constantly hustling and bustling.

In this “We’ll sleep when we’re dead” society, we’ve been conditioned to believe that there is a requirement to say yes to everything, take work home with us, and give 200 percent more than we are already giving. This can make us feel successful in the short-term, but the negatives can have stronger, lasting effects.

Luke Neal is the area director for Young Life, a nonprofit that works with adolescents to help grow their faith. For 10 weeks, Luke took a sabbatical — an intentional amount of time away from work for rest and recreation. Young Life allows their employees to take sabbatical every seven years, given they come up with a plan and submit a proposal. After 14 years working for Young Life and never taking one, Luke was beginning to feel exhausted, like he needed to reset the rhythm of his life.

“For me, and in today’s professional society, there are very few people who have a 9 to 5 anymore. Work, because of our cell phones, just goes home with us,” Luke explains. “And there is a cultural expectation that you’re on all the time, and that you ought to respond to a text message within 30 minutes. And so I took my sabbatical out of necessity for me — feeling a little bit of burnout, but also just feeling anxiety creep into my life, which is not something I ever dealt with.”

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After planning a full year in advance, Luke’s sabbatical began this past May. For 10 weeks he journaled, read, traveled, worked with his hands, took on house projects, reconnected with old friends, spent time with family and re-established healthy boundaries. For him, it was his slate being wiped clean.

“That time with my kids was amazing because I had turned into this distracted, anxious dad, which I didn’t like, but for them and my wife to have my attention wholeheartedly was awesome,” he says. “It was a huge blessing to me and my family, and I come back from that and I feel like I’m ready to do another 14 years.”

Although taking a sabbatical might not be plausible for some of our lives right now, honoring the Sabbath is similar — like a mini-sabbatical that everyone can participate in.

“Sabbath is not necessarily a day of the week, it’s an attitude of our soul,” Luke says.

“It’s just regular rest, and that could be for some people deciding that every day after 5:00 p.m., I’m going to shut it off. I’m not going to work nights. You don’t need to be strict about it. Figure out what works for your job and your family with the caveat that no one is sitting around thinking they have the time to take off. It’s a discipline.”

Rod has had over 30 years to perfect this craft — and for him and his family, it’s an integral part of their lives. But that doesn’t mean it came easily for them. It required a lot of navigation and delegation, especially when his kids were younger. “We always limited our children’s sports and activities to two, and we did not make commitments to be at every game,” he says. “It’s the opportunity to ask: What makes good parents? It’s healthy, replenished parents.”

Although it might be scary to go against the grain of your life’s rhythm, Kelly explains the beautiful thing about the Sabbath is that once you start, you easily get hooked on how good you feel. After every Sabbath, Kelly finds herself working out of a place that is more rested than exhausted, and she credits a lot of her success on using two key disciplines: silence and solitude.

“Silence and solitude are so critical, but silence — it is so challenging because we live in such a noisy world. Even the noise in our head is all around us,” she says.

“Sabbath is a beautiful place to just turn off some noise, be alone, and remind ourselves that we don’t have to be God in our world.

We don’t have to be in control and in the driver’s seat. Really, how many of us find ourselves with the weight of the world on our shoulders?”

“The most rewarding thing is just feeling alive,” Rod says. “You’re giving yourself away

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for good things. You don’t always know if your heart is beating or if your brain is working, so it’s a time to catch up with yourself, a time to catch up with your family and say, ‘Oh yeah I’m alive, I’m still breathing.’”

You must be comfortable feeling like a cultural outcast, saying no, and, according to Luke, being “a little weird, but in a good way.” Turning the phone off, accepting a day of rest, and filling it with only replenishing activities is not an easy feat, but it’s doable. It just takes a little innovation, communication, and self-control.

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STAYING

Financially FIT

LOCAL EXPERTS ADVISE ON SAVING, INVESTING, AND PLANNING FOR YOUR ESTATE.

by E L I M A R C H B A N K S

W

e all know that we could be saving our money more wisely.

Even those of us who already do a decent job know that we could be doing better still. Yet, despite the countless resources around us, we usually end up putting it off.

“There’s an old joke about the three things you find in someone’s safe deposit box after they die,” says Carlyle Foley, a local attorney who has worked in estate planning for more than 40 years. “Rubber bands, paper clips,

and empty envelopes with ‘SAVINGS’ written on them.” Foley, who has seen the inside of many safe deposit boxes, affirms the joke as true.

Dr. John Howe, chair of the Department of Finance at MU, says that the explanation for our consistently lackluster attempts to be better stewards of our own money has to do with “behavioral economics.” In his recently published book, “The Foolish Corner,” Howe explains how our financial institutions have evolved faster than we have as individuals.

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Human beings, Howe says, have spent most of our existence trying to survive from one moment to the next; until recently, surviving to old age was so unlikely it would have been silly to plan for the future. It has only been relatively recently that life has become stable enough that “planning ahead” has become the wise thing to do. Doing so goes somewhat against our nature.

“We are still captive to our evolutionary brains,” says Howe. The survival instinct, which served us so well and kept us alive for countless generations, is actually working against us when it comes to developing better money habits. Our brains are attuned to immediate threats that exist in the present, but they aren’t attuned to threats that are NOT immediate, like what will happen in 20 or 30 years if we don’t make good financial decisions today.

To combat this, Dr. Howe recommends using an aging website or other online aging software (there are many to choose from) to upload a picture of yourself and create an image of what you’re projected to look like in 30 years. Save the picture. According to his research, having this image “actually increases a person’s incentive to save.”

It’s much easier to save money for your future self if you can see your future self.

SAVING AND INVESTING Once we’re motivated to take better care of the old person in the picture we created, what are some good money habits we should get into? One thing Howe would suggest is to get off the “hedonic treadmill,” a term referencing the high we all get from buying new things. While it’s perfectly normal to feel this, it becomes a problem when we decide we want to feel that high as often as possible — we keep spending to recreate, and even top, the good feeling we get from each purchase. Howe says simply being aware of this tendency within us goes a long way toward being more responsible with money.

When it comes to saving, it isn’t enough to stuff money into the mattress or bury it in the backyard. We need to be proactive with growing our assets, which means investing. But who has time to keep up with the stock market? For that matter, who has time to figure out what in the world is even going on in the stock market?

Here’s the secret — don’t waste time trying to figure it out. “Generally, patterns don’t exist in the stock market,” Howe says.

“Randomness is hard to accept, and this is particularly true in the stock market. People tend to believe they are seeing patterns when they don’t actually exist.”

Rather than trying to figure out how to trade like Warren Buffett, Howe suggests getting a well-diversified portfolio and resisting the urge to dump stocks because the stock market might be going through a dip. Don’t be reactionary; don’t try to get rich quick. The smart move is to play the long game, which means the sooner you start putting money in a portfolio, the better.

Also, don’t go it alone. It’s well worth the money to go see a financial planner. Howe suggests we “look for a planner that’s paid by the hour. The incentive isn’t right with an advisor who makes a percentage of any investment that he or she is advising you about.”

Hiring a financial advisor might sound like yet another expense to worry about, but Howe says that a financial advisor is usually someone you only see once a year for about an hour. “You’ll probably pay your plumber more than your financial advisor,” he says.

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“THERE IS A FOOLISH CORNER IN THE BRAIN OF THE WISEST MAN.”

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PLANNING FOR THE POSSIBLE Even though we don’t want to, another important step to consider is putting a plan in place for our finances in case the worst should happen. “A lot of my clients are people who have been through the death of a loved one who had no will or estate plan,” Foley says. “Something like that always motivates people to get everything into place so that their spouses or children won’t have to go through that.”

Let’s be clear about what an estate plan is.

“A lot of people hear that term and think that it’s something only meant for rich people with mansions,” says Nathan Jones, an attorney who has been working in Columbia for six years and in estate planning for longer than that. An estate plan is really nothing more than what you want to have done with your assets (however much you they may be worth) after you pass away.

While it might sound tempting to save money by going on LegalZoom or a similar website that offers an online will or trust, it might not be in your best interest. “The probate laws vary from state to state,” says Foley, “and the internet forms can be more generic and not necessarily applicable to the state where you live. Also, wills really need to be signed in the presence of witnesses to be legal, which makes it easier for an online will to be overturned in court.”

For those of us who feel that we don’t have enough assets for a will or trust, Jones says that “depending on your situation, putting a POD [payable upon death] on your bank account or a TOD [transfer on death] on the title of your car might be a sufficient plan.”

Jones, naturally, believes that having some sort of plan is better than not having one at all.

Both Foley and Jones suggest that people with young children (under 18, that is) should consider setting up a testamentary trust as part of their estate plan: In short, it’s a plan for who you want to hold onto your assets until your children are legal adults. And your child doesn’t have to inherit everything when he or she turns 18; a testamentary trust also allows you to decide exactly when you want your children to inherit any or all your assets. For example, you can divide up your assets so that a small percentage is distributed to your child at age 18, a slightly larger percentage at age 21, and then the remaining balance at age 25.

One particular situation where a will is highly recommended is with blended families. In a situation where someone is getting married for a second time and that person has children from a previous marriage, it’s important to have a plan in place that is clear about who gets what.

Foley jokes, “You never know your relatives

until you divide an inheritance with them.”

The last thing you want is for your family is to be bitter with each other fighting over your assets because you didn’t take the time to decide how you wanted things distributed. “It’s very easy for a set of kids to be unintentionally disinherited in secondmarriage situations,” says Jones.

Jones also says that most people are undercovered in their life insurance policy.

“Things you have to consider are lost earning potential, debts, and education [for your kids],” he says. “After adding all that up, people usually realize they need more life insurance than what they thought,” he says.

“The Foolish Corner,” the title of Howe’s book, is a reference to an Aristotle quote — “There is a foolish corner in the brain of the wisest man.” Our finances are an area of our lives where it can be easy to fool ourselves into thinking we’re in control because we aren’t currently in bad shape financially.

The foolish corner of our brains may be our inability to take our financial habits and play them out 10, 20, or 30 years down the road to see their long-term effects. None of us has a crystal ball, but we can improve our chances of navigating the uncertain world of our personal finances — making sure that the old person in the image-altered photo is well taken care of.

“THE LAST THING YOU WANT IS FOR YOUR FAMILY TO BECOME BITTER FIGHTING OVER YOUR ASSETS BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T TAKE THE TIME TO DECIDE HOW YOU WANTED THINGS DISTRIBUTED.” COMO L I V I N G

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Introducing a NEW treatment for dry eye sufferers…

Dr. Shelley Williams now offers a new breakthrough treatment for dry eye and her patients are already singing its praises.

If you currently experience any of the following symptoms, you may be a candidate for LipiFlow®

The majority of dry eye sufferers have evaporative dry eye, which stems from a deficiency in the oily lipid layer of your eye’s tear film. This is caused by blockages of the glands located in your eyelids. LipidFlow® treats the root causes and unblocks these clogged glands. The procedure is done in our office and only takes about 20 minutes.

EYE DRYNESS IRRITATION LIGHT SENSITIVITY VISION FLUCTUATIONS CONTACT LENS INTOLERANCE EYE FATIGUE

If you’re done dealing with the symptoms of dry eye, call today to schedule your consultation.

Or for more information, visit EyedentityEyewear.com

Williams and Associates Eyecare 2200 Forum Blvd. Suite 102 | Columbia, MO 65203 (573) 445-8780 | www.myEyedentityEyewear.com Facebook: EyedentityEyewear | Twitter: @EyedentityE COMO L I V I N G

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PUT ON THE

GLAMOUR EVERY WORK OF ART DESERVES A GREAT FRAME

styled by

T I F FA N Y S C H M I D T

photos by

KEITH BORGMEYER

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Dr. Axe and Regeneration Salon & Spa are on a mission to transform your health!

We’re delighted to be Columbia’s exclusive provider of Dr. Axe products.

As the visionary behind several cutting-edge and premium nutraceuticals, you can have total confidence in his products and in your purchase.

For more information, come by to speak with our wellness coaches.

You’ll be so glad you did!

Get Dr. Axe’s recipe book FREE with purchase.

Regeneration Salon & Spa + Wellness 3301 Broadway Business Park Ct. Suite H Columbia, MO 65203 573-234-1560 | regenerationsalonspa@gmail.com

When it comes to your smile, you deserve the in Columbia!

best

Call us to schedule a dentist appointment you’ll actually enjoy. From cosmetic to sedation, we’re dedicated to providing exceptional care.

Conscious Sedation is taught as part of a post-graduate residence program approved by the America Dental Association. Dr. Willett and Dr. Patton have completed an American Dental Association approved program in which conscious sedation is taught. Cosmetic Dentistry and Implant Dentistry are specialty areas not recognized by the A.D.A. that require no specific educational training to advertise these services.

573.445.5300 | 1601 Chapel Hill Rd. | Columbia, MO | WillettandPattonDDS.com COMO L I V I N G

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SPONSORED CONTENT

Live HEALTHY From sniffles to surgeries, our patients have access to the latest treatments and research.

They look to us for a wide spectrum of care from primary care to specialized treatments. And they trust us to provide a level of health care and expertise that simply makes their lives better.

MU Health Care advances the health of Columbia through exceptional service. As the regions only academic health center, our researchers and physicians are on the forefront of health care. All topped off with an attitude of YES. It’s at the core of everything we do.

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Live HEALTHY

SPONSORED CONTENT

Lifestyle-related Breast Cancer Factors

Breast Cancer Screening Alternatives

Increases Risk • Drinking alcohol. The American Cancer Society recommends that women have no more than 1 alcoholic drink a day.

• Being overweight or obese • Women who have not had children or who had their first child after age 30 have a slightly higher breast cancer risk overall.

Decreases Risk • Exercise • Having many pregnancies and becoming pregnant at an early age reduces breast cancer risk overall.

Breast Cancer Risk Factors You Cannot Change • Being a woman; breast cancer is about 100 times more common in women than in men • Getting older; most invasive breast cancers are found in women 55+ • Certain inherited genes • Having a family history of breast cancer • Having dense breast tissue

Did you know that approximately 40 percent of women have dense breast tissue? Higher density can make it more difficult to detect tumors using traditional mammography, as tissue appears white on a mammogram. Lumps, both benign and cancerous, also appear white.

In women with denser breasts, additional screening tools can be considered.

That’s why at Ellis Fischel Cancer Center we’re proud to offer automated whole-breast ultrasound. This additional screening option can help identify hidden breast tumors that may be missed on mammography. Depending on breast density and risk factors for breast cancer, screening tools like automated breast ultrasound or MRI can be recommended in addition to mammography.

Automated whole-breast ultrasound is available as a supplementary exam for women with dense breast tissue. Multiple studies have shown a measurable increase in cancer detection after automated whole-breast ultrasound was performed for screening in addition to mammography, even in women who were not considered high risk for breast cancer.

To learn more about the resources available to patients at Ellis Fischel Cancer Center, please visit www.EllisFischel.org.

Disproven Breast Cancer Risk Factors ANT DOR

• Antiperspirants • Bras • Breast implants

DEO

—American Cancer Society.

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—Megha Garg, M.D. Director of the breastimaging program at Ellis Fischel Cancer Center

SPONSORED CONTENT

Tips for New Moms How to...

Clean a Breast Pump

Tiger Tot Mommies

Breast milk is the best way to feed your baby for optimal health and development. A breast pump is an important tool for milk storage. However, germs can grow quickly on pump parts if the device is not properly cleaned every day.

Looking to grow your mommy tribe? Join the Women’s and Children’s Hospital’s Tiger Tot Mommies group. The groups meet each month to connect and learn about a variety of new-baby topics. Group topics include baby yoga, cloth diapering, infant massage, sleep patterns in babies and more.

A baby scale will be at all meetings for you to weigh and keep track of your baby’s weight as he/ she grows. Group meetings are free of charge and registration is not required. Light refreshments are served and siblings are welcome. An IBCLC Lactation Consultant is available at each meeting to answer breastfeeding questions.

STEP 1: Breast pump parts should be cleaned in a basin with hot, soapy water.

STEP 2: The basin should be a dedicated container used only for washing the pump and not a sink.

STEP 3: Scrub parts with a clean brush used only to clean infant feeding items.

STEP 4: Rinse parts under running water and allow them to air-dry on an unused dish towel or paper towel.

Parts should also be sanitized at least once daily.

A microwave or plug-in steam system can be used according to the manufacturer’s directions. Allow the sanitized parts to air-dry.

We offer two times and locations:

—Lori Lampe, R.N., MU Women’s and Children’s Hospital lactation consultant

MORNING: WHEN? 10-11 a.m. the second Wednesday of every month WHERE? South Providence Medical Park Conference Center, 213-B 551 E. Southampton Drive, Columbia EVENING: WHEN? 5:30–6:30 p.m. the first Thursday of every month WHERE? MU Women’s and Children’s Hospital Conference Center 404 Keene Street, Columbia

Need more information?

Call: 573-771-6675 Email: tigertotmommies@health.missouri.edu Visit: muhealth.org/tigertot

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Live HEALTHY

SPONSORED CONTENT

What’s New with the Flu?

Advanced therapy for Parkinson’s

Getting vaccinated is the best way to prevent influenza and limit the spread of the disease.

If you have a loved one who is living with Parkinson’s disease, you know all too well the impact the condition can have on a family. At University of Missouri Health Care, we have a team of dedicated neurologists who are specially trained to provide the latest treatments for movement disorders such as Parkinson’s disease and other neurological conditions.

If medications alone no longer adequately control your symptoms, you may be a candidate for advanced therapies that we offer to our patients. These include deepbrain stimulation and Duopa. Deep-brain stimulation involves the use of specialized electrodes to help modulate brain activity in specific parts of the brain responsible for involuntary movements without harming healthy brain tissue and is completely reversible. For many patients with advanced Parkinson’s, a treatment known as Duopa is an effective alternative.

If you’d like to learn more about treatments for a range of neurological conditions, please visit www.MUHealth.org or call (573) 883-1515.

• Annual flu vaccinations are important because there are many flu virus strains and they change each year.

• Influenza is a highly contagious respiratory illness that can be life-threatening.

• The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends anyone over the age of six months receive the injectable flu vaccine.

• Nasal spray flu vaccine will not be available during the 2017-18 influenza season.

• If you do get sick with the flu, it is important to stop its spread by staying home until you have gone at least 24 hours without a fever.

• Regular hand washing and using alcoholcontaining hand gels also help prevent illness and the spread of germs.

—Christelle Ilboudo, M.D., pediatric infectious diseases physician at MU Children’s Hospital

— Arnaldo Rivera, M.D. Medical director of MU Health Care’s ENT, Hearing and Balance Center

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SPONSORED CONTENT

What is a Chiropractor?

RECIPE

MU Health Care now offers chiropractic care.

Who: A chiropractor is a health care professional focused on the diagnosis and treatment of neuromuscular disorders.

What: Chiropractic care is a natural approach that helps restore normal function to the spine and other joints.

When: If you have

Turkey Chili Chili is great for cold weather, tailgating and your health.

INGREDIENTS 1 ½ tbsp extra virgin olive oil 1 lb ground turkey breast 1 cup chopped yellow onion 1 cup chopped red, yellow and/or orange bell peppers 2 tsp ground cumin 1 can (28 oz) no salt added whole peeled tomatoes 1 can (15 oz) kidney beans, rinsed and drained 1 tsp hot sauce 1/8 tsp unrefined sea salt Black pepper to taste ¼ cup chopped fresh parsley ¼ cup shredded low fat cheddar cheese DIRECTIONS In a large skillet, heat oil over medium heat until hot. Add turkey and cook, stirring occasionally, until just browned. Add onion and bell peppers and cook, stirring occasionally, for about 3 minutes, or until vegetables are softened. Add cumin and tomatoes, breaking up the tomatoes with a spoon to release their juices, and cook for 2 minutes. Add beans, hot sauce, salt, black pepper and parsley and stir to combine. Cook for 3 minutes, or until beans are heated through.

Serve sprinkled with cheddar cheese and additional chopped parsley.

Makes 8 servings.

back pain, neck pain, or pain in your limbs or joints, you may benefit from chiropractic care.

Chiropractors perform manipulations of joints of the spine and extremities, use soft tissue therapies, and prescribe corrective exercises to heal injuries and alleviate pain.

Where: Chiropractors work collaboratively with the orthopaedic physicians at the Missouri Orthopaedic Institute.

To schedule an appointment with a chiropractor call 573-882-BONE (2663).

No referral necessary.

NUTRITIONAL FACTS PER SERVING

Calories: 175, Fat: 3g, Saturated Fat: 1g, Cholesterol: 37 mg, Sodium: 279mg, Carbohydrates: 17g, Fiber: 4g, Protein: 19g

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—Jeffrey Miller, DC, and Jose Ramirez, DC, chiropractors at the Missouri Orthopaedic Institute

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LIFE COACHING

THE UPSIDE OF LOSS Letti n g go of t h e ol d t o e m b race th e n ew.

by C A R O LY N PA R I S

M

ost of us have experienced the loss of a relationship, someone we love deeply. Sometimes it’s our choice, and other times it’s not.

Sometimes the loss isn’t permanent, but it feels and affects us as though it were. Either way, there is an inevitable pain. Our hopes and dreams, the traditions, the day-to-day camaraderie — they all becomes things of the past. There is a void.

I have experienced this loss of an important relationship. In the beginning, I was so sad that my body didn’t even feel like my own. Activities that had been fun were now a source of sorrow. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I had obsessive thinking, and it was difficult for me to be around people. I couldn’t imagine having joy apart from that relationship, which was now gone.

The sadness was so strong that I couldn’t get close enough to understand it.

Over time, though, I allowed myself to feel the pain, little by little, and get as close to it as possible. I could move the negative feelings through me and transform them into a new type of freedom and liberation. I would sit in my chair, rest my eyes, and take a deep breath in and down. As I was feeling the grief or fear getting bigger, I allowed myself to get as close to that feeling as possible until, at last, it simply melted away. Along with this release came a wave of peace.

What I once saw as a loss with no upside ended up being one of the greatest gifts I have received. Of course, it wasn’t easy. Throughout the experience, however, I was in choice: I could suffer endlessly and stay in victimhood or re-invent myself as a healthier, grounded, empowered self. I could do the work of self-examination, accept responsibility, and transform to live a more joyful, abundant life.

Accepting responsibility allows for the release of wearying energy and negative patterns —

avoiding our own feelings takes up a lot of our focus. For many of us, letting go of the old way means letting go of the person who must be right. But owning our own stuff has the potential to unlock new doors; being willing to be responsible for our own feelings and actions is not blame or guilt. By claiming responsibility, we are no longer leaking energy. We have access to a new supply of vitality and power.

WHAT I ONCE SAW AS LOSS WITH NO UPSIDE ENDED UP BEING ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS I’VE RECEIVED. And in the end, that’s how we discover the opportunity for a bountiful life after loss. The choice of finding support, interrupting negative patterns, and accepting responsibility for healing has the power to transform who we are becoming.

Today, many years after my loss, I know myself and enjoy myself at a deeper level

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than I ever thought possible. I would never have developed such a keen sense of who I am had I not gone through that fire walk. Through that loss, I found myself. I found compassion for myself as well as a deeper understanding and grace for others.

I developed strong, healthy boundaries. I have a heightened awareness that alerts me when I begin to fall into old patterns of co-dependence and intrusiveness. In the end, the kind of relationships I encircle myself with reflect the deep level of love and acceptance I now have with myself. And I had to experience loss to find that.

C A R O LY N PA R I S As a consultant and coach, Carolyn works with highperforming people who are “up to something.”

She guides clients to new levels of joy, power, and satisfaction in their life.

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Heart, Body, & Soul

where your journey begins...

American-Made & Woman-Owned Essential Oils, Healing Blends, Herbs & Teas, as well as Crystals, Salt Lamps, Incense, Massage Therapy, Yoga, Tai Chi, Energy Work, Books, Classes, & Discussion Groups!

1004 W. Worley, Columbia MO | 573.777.6771 Facebook.com/HeartBodyandSoulCenter |

...because wellness doesn’t always come from a pill

Pet owners trust us to provide a better experience for their cats and dogs ...

Whether it’s grooming, boarding or both!

Our experienced, conscientious staff is devoted to superior care for your pet.

Come see for yourself.

( 5 7 3 ) 4 4 5 - 7 7 8 3 • t h e p e t f a i r @ t h e p e t f a i r. c o m • 1 7 0 6 I - 7 0 D r i v e S W • L i k e U s :

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UNLEASHED

CARING FOR YOUR DYING PET Local professional answers the tough questions.

BY N I N A H E B R A N K

T

here’s nothing more difficult than seeing the furry friend you love in pain. You want that affectionate, healthy kitten you once had, or that rambunctious, strong puppy that was always chasing you around the house. Unfortunately, there often comes a time in a pet’s life when that pain means it’s time to let go.

Bruce Baker, co-founder and hospital manager of Pet Center Ltd., answers some of the tough questions related to our pet’s last days.

How will I know if my pet is in pain?

According to Baker, you can usually tell if your pet is in pain by the way they’re acting and how they’re walking. Are they struggling to do their usual everyday activities? Are they having trouble getting up? Are they whimpering, snapping, or growling when you try to pick them up? Are they stiff or sore?

Cats often go off by themselves and find a place to hide; they’re notorious for hiding pain, so sometimes it can be hard to tell.

Symptoms can be progressive, making it hard for pet owners to recognize when their pet is in pain and when to act.

“A lot of the times, the owner is the best one to see it,” Baker says. “Every situation is different, and you just have to take it as it goes.”

What are my options?

A thought that runs through every owner’s mind towards the end of their pet’s life is “What do I do now?”

Veterinarians can prescribe pain medications for aging pets with ailments such as arthritis.

However, all pets respond differently to drugs, so medicating your pet may not be the best solution for their suffering.

Depending on what’s comfortable, a pet owner may choose to euthanize their suffering

pet. Euthanasia is a painless procedure.

The veterinarian inserts a catheter into the animal’s leg to inject a euthanasia solution, an overdose of anesthetic. The pet will gradually fall asleep, then the veterinarian will check the heart rate to make sure the pet is deceased.

Some veterinary practices, like Pet Center, Ltd., offer an at-home euthanizing service, but many people just prefer to bring their pet to the veterinary clinic instead.

“Sometimes these pets are in so much pain,” Baker says, “That I think it’s a good thing when we have to do that. The pet is not suffering anymore.”

What’s next?

Once a pet passes away, there are two options: individual and group cremations. If a pet owner wishes to receive their pet’s ashes, individual cremation would be the right choice. Otherwise, the pet will be cremated with other animals in a group cremation.

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Sometimes people struggle once they must put a pet down. That’s perfectly normal.

Columbia has support groups for grieving pet owners, like the ones offered through the MU Veterinary Health Center. Support groups can help with end-of-life concerns, talk through how to explain death to children, and provide resources to help cope with the death of a pet.

What about another pet? No one knows when it will be the right time to get another pet; it depends on the individual.

“Some people go out and get a dog the very next day,” Baker says. “Everyone is a little bit different.”

Ultimately, at the end of your pet’s life, you know what’s best for them, for you, and for your family. Do what you think is right.

“There are lots of ways to deal with these concerns, and lots of ways to handle it,” Baker says. “There’s not a right or wrong answer.

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Fall Art into

The Ultimate Show & Sell!

Fall into Art blends art, music, and education for the entire family... and it’s FREE! The show includes a silent auction and collection to benefit the Food Bank for Central and Northeast Missouri.

Saturday

November 18th 10am-5pm

Sunday

44 Stone Public House 3910 Peachtree Dr. | 573.443.2726

November 19th 11am-4pm FallIntoArt.org The Parkade Center 601 Business Loop 70 West | Columbia SPONSORED BY Central Bank of Boone County Carol and Mark Stevenson Office of Cultural Affairs

44 Canteen 21 N 9th St. | 573.777.8730

12 ROTATING TAPS AT BOTH LOCATIONS NITROGEN LOGBOAT BEER

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Ceramics Jewelry Photography Fiber Art Paintings Drawings Mixed Media

WEDDING CONFIDENTIAL

OVERCOMING OVERSIGHTS The ugly truth about day-of planning.

by A N N E C H U R C H I L L

A

s an event planner, the term “dayof ” is nails on a chalkboard to my ears. If you’re engaged, ask yourself if someone could step in at the end of the process and pull off a perfect wedding when you’ve worked 200-plus hours for a year to envision it. Answer honestly. If someone can do that, it’s sheer luck, and do you really want to gamble on that?

These days, we have an overload of DIYers planning their own weddings, thinking that with a few handy apps, blogs, and Pinterest, it will all come together. A couple looking for “day-of ” planning must think through every detail (assuming you know every detail to think through). Only then can you hand it over, and even then, it can only be managed — not planned.

For our wedding management couples (because I refuse to name a package “dayof ”), I end up putting out fires right and left due to oversights. Here are the biggest ones, and my secret solutions, so you can avoid them once you know them!

Not having a timeline meeting with your photographer.

This one is shocking to me, but just today (30 hours before my next couple walks down the aisle), I got a call from their photographer. After receiving my timeline (two weeks ago), she would now like to make changes. She asks to cut cocktail hour in half and move up the sunset photos. The problem? The couple has already paid for appetizers and a bar package. And the catering team was already in place.

My solution: My team served plated meals to the couple so they could hurry and eat. This appeased the photographer’s newfound schedule and didn’t mess with the caterer’s plans.

Not mapping out the logistical flow of vendors.

This is the most common oversight of all.

Couples book all their favorite vendors and envision everything magically coming together. Then comes their “day-of ” planner to break the news that once their tent is installed the day before the wedding, they won’t be able to access the other side of the fenced-in yard, meaning that the photo booth and bathroom trailers that each need a 15-foot clearance can’t slip in the morning of the wedding.

My solution: We reworked the entire layout of vendors based on arrival time, contract of services, power outlets, and ground level.

Taking shortcuts on rentals.

There are two major crises that happen with vendors. The first is the idea that you can double up use on items like chairs. Couples tend to think that 200 chairs can magically be moved from the ceremony to the reception without anyone breaking a sweat, or guests waiting to sit down. That doesn’t happen.

So, while it may seem silly to pay an extra $500 and double up your chairs, it’s the best decision. Also, don’t assume set-up is included with delivery. It’s not!

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Helpful tip: You must pay for set-up if you’re not doing it yourself. More importantly, if you do it yourself, plan to break your rentals down to the way they were delivered. That can be a lot of work the day after your wedding!

Thinking your vendors are superheroes.

While you might think your vendors have extra-human abilities, you have to be realistic with your demands. Nobody can be two places at once. Set-up equals sweat, which requires time to freshen up. Your guests will always be asking them questions, in turn slowing them down.

Things won’t go perfectly according to plan.

My solution: Ask each vendor their ideal arrival time and if they prefer to stay or set-up, leave, then come back. Get a timeline out to them two to three weeks prior to your wedding that includes all vendor details. This way, they can see when others will be there and ensure there aren’t conflicts.

ANNE CHURCHILL Anne is the founder of AnnaBelle Events, a local event planning firm, and Jubilee Planning Studio, Columbia’s one-stop

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planning shop.

MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER – ORGANIZE THAT SPACE! Visit TalkingHorseProductions.org for showtimes and tickets!

• Safe, floor-based systems • Elegant features

The Gin Game October 13-15, 19-22

• Designer colors and woodgrains • Fully adjustable

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday performances at 7:30 p.m., Sundays at 2:00 p.m

• Professional installation

This winner of the 1978 Pulitzer Prize uses a card game as a metaphor for life.

Weller Martin and Fonsia Dorsey discover they both dislike their nursing home and enjoy gin rummy, so they begin to play and to reveal intimate details of their lives.

Soon their secrets become weapons used against one another.

• Family owned & operated

Custom solutions for every room in your home.

“A thoroughly entertaining lesson in the fine art of theatrical finesse. The closest thing the theatre offers to a duel at 10 paces.”

– The New York Times

573-474-1072

Free, In-home consultations. Call today.

LIVE THEATRE in the Heart of Downtown Columbia

OrganizeThatSpace.com

COMO L I V I N G

210 St James St, Columbia, MO 65201

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DATEBOOK OCTOBER 5 Taste of the Tigers benefitting The Food Bank for Central and Northeast Missouri, $50, Memorial Stadium, 5 p.m.

OCTOBER 6 Live2Lead, $55 per person, Stoney Creek Hotel and Conference Center, 8 a.m. to 3 p.m.

10/14-15 10/2629

OCTOBER 12 Good Business Breakfast: Celebrating Women in Social Enterprise, $15 for public, Kimball Ballroom at Stephens College, 8:30 a.m. to 10 a.m.

OCTOBER 17 Hesburgh Lecture Series, Father Tolton High School, 7 p.m.

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Hartsburg Pumpkin Festival, free entry, Hartsburg, 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.

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Citizen Jane Film Festival, Stephens College, tickets available at citizenjanefilmfestival.org.

Rocheport Oktoberfest IV: Monster Mash Edition, Rocheport, Missouri, 12 to 9 p.m.

OCTOBER 11 Bringing Up Business keynote speaker and author Sam Richter, free entry for students, $25 for non-students, Reynolds Alumni Center, 10:30 a.m. to 12 p.m.

OCTOBER 14-15 Hartsburg Pumpkin Festival, free entry, Hartsburg, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

MU ST DO IN OCTO B ER /NO V EM B ER

OCTOBER 28 Boone Hospital Foundation Gala, Holiday Inn Expo Center, 6 p.m., boone.org/foundation

OCTOBER 6 - 8 Columbia Startup Weekend, $50 to $99, Veterans United Home Loans on Buttonwood, Friday at 6 p.m. to Sunday at 9 p.m.

Columbia Chamber of Commerce Small Business Exhibition, free entry, Parkade Plaza, 12 p.m. to 4 p.m.

Columbia Public Schools Foundation Annual Fall Event, Kimball Ballroom at Stephens College, 5:30 p.m.

NOVEMBER 6 Leadercast Women, $99 per person, Kimball Ballroom at Stephens College, 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., tickets online at eventbrite.com.

NOVEMBER 10 National Philanthropy Day Celebration, Country Club of Missouri, 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.

NOVEMBER 17-18 Eclipse in Movement Ballet, Missouri Theatre, $20 to $40 for adults, $10 to $35 for children, 7 p.m.

NOVEMBER 18 Blaze of Glory Gala, $75, Father Tolton High School, 6 to 11:30 p.m.

NOVEMBER 23 The Boone Hospital Turkey Trax Run, $30 to $40 for individuals and $99 to $140 for families, Seventh and Cherry streets in The District, 8:30 a.m.

OCTOBER 26 – 29 Citizen Jane Film Festival, Stephens College, tickets available at citizenjanefilmfestival.org.

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NOVEMBER 4 EnCircle Technologies Melee & Smash 4 Tournament, 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., tickets available online at encircletech.org.

Fall into Arts Festival, Parkade Center, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

OCTOBER 21 MU Homecoming, Faurot Field, mizzou.com

COMO L I V I N G

OCTOBER 27 Great Circle’s Diamond Night, $1,500 for Sapphire sponsorship (table of eight) or $140 for individual ticket, Holiday Inn Executive Center, 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.

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STRONG WOMAN

SCOTTIE RAWLINGS Dietitian and Mary Kay consultant empowers women to be true to themselves. ph oto by A N T H O N Y J I N S O N

Scottie Rawlings, dietitian, Mary Kay consultant, and 10-year breast cancer survivor, shares what motivates her and what strength looks like in her life.

WHAT GETS YOU OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING? Quiet time and reading “Jesus Calling,” a great cup of coffee, and the excitement of a new day! (I like morning time.)

WHO HAS BEEN YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION? My parents and grandparents, who both modeled having a strong work ethic, doing your best, and helping others. And my spiritual director and senior sales director in Mary Kay, Janet Tade.

FROM WHAT OR WHERE DO YOU DRAW STRENGTH? My faith, my church, my circle of dear Mary Kay girlfriends, and long talks with friends and family.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PASSION? My passion is to encourage and help people become the best they can be, and to achieve their goals and dreams, whether in nutrition counseling, skin care, or growing a business.

WHAT’S A BIG LESSON YOU’VE LEARNED? I finally learned it was okay to be me — not trying to be who I thought people wanted me to be.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A STRONG WOMAN? A strong woman, to me, means you’re true to yourself and your beliefs. A strong woman means you listen and are willing to negotiate to achieve the best solution. A strong woman means you can set boundaries — you know

when to say “no” or “not now.” A strong woman knows her talents and strengths, and she knows when to ask for help. A strong woman is always learning and not afraid to change to achieve the best outcome or solution. A strong woman will have a plan, but with 100 percent flexibility.

WHAT WOULD WE BE SURPRISED TO LEARN ABOUT YOU? I am an extroverted introvert, and I love rodeos and the Mizzou Tigers!

WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO GIVE TO THE WOMEN YOU MEET? Encouragement, inspiration, kindness, and a willingness to listen and know their story.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ACCESSORY? Bracelets! Usually more than one.

WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? Little things: a great cup of coffee, a hug from a friend, a drive in the country, red wine.

TELL US ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. I’m blessed! I have two sisters and one brother, 12 nieces and nephews, and 19 great-nieces and great-nephews! And they live from Wisconsin to Oklahoma to Paris.

WHAT’S IN YOUR PURSE RIGHT NOW? My wallet, mints, and probably three or four tubes of lipstick.

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WHAT IS YOUR GUILTY PLEASURE? Dark chocolate and a great red wine.

WHAT IS A MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE THAT DEFINED YOU PERSONALLY OR PROFESSIONALLY? There are three moments. The first was achieving a major award in 4-H when I was a sophomore at MU. The second is being the dietitian for a diabetes team that was involved with a National Institutes of Health-funded multicenter diabetes study, which influenced the long-term management of diabetes. The third is helping my senior sales director in Mary Kay achieve the top level of national sales director.

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ADVERTISER INDEX 44 Stone

84

Fall Into Art

Achieve Balance

10

Ferguson 13

Regeneration Salon & Spa

74

Anne Tuckley Home

35

Focus on Learning

58

Shelter Insurance Agents

22

Association of Fundraising Professionals

21

Great Circle

42

Stange Law Firm

89

Baumgartner’s Furniture & Carpet

34

Heart, Body & Soul

82

State Farm Insurance - Stephanie Wilmsmeyer 57

Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Missouri 14 Boone Hospital Burgers’ Smokehouse

18 80

Busenbark Flooring and Granite

15

Central Dairy and Ice Cream Company

22

Citizen Jane Film Festival

84

Columbia Podiatry

26

Commerce Bank CoMo Leaders Dave Griggs Flooring America

3 43 7

84

Red Cross

57

9

Studio Home

Johnston Paint & Decorating Direct

8

Superior Garden Center/Rost Landscape 26 & 30

Kliethermes Homes and Remodeling

28 & 32

Jasany Home

5

Talking Horse Productions Theater

86

La Di Da

10

The District

6

Landmark Bank

91

The Pet Fair

82

Macadoodles 80

Tiger Scholarship Fund

12

Makes Scents

21

University Club

4

Manor Roofing & Restoration

86

University of Missouri Health Care

Mid-City Lumber Co

43

Inside Front Cover & 75-79

24

My Sister’s Circus

21

Weichert Realty: Denise Payne

31

Dogwood Solar

33

Organize That Space

86

Willett and Patton Dentistry

74

Downtown Appliance

92

Personal Touch Cleaning Service

24

Williams & Associates Eyecare

66

Dr. Letrisha Thomas

58

Providence Bank

62

Wilson’s Fitness

49

Edward Jones - Kathy Lou Neale

62

Provision Living

57

Women’s Wellness Center

DogMaster Distillery

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CYSK

COUPLE YOU SHOULD KNOW A 17-year age difference couldn’t keep Larry and Paula Chapman apart.

Dr. Larry Chapman, who has been in practice with Boone Hospital for 51 years, and his wife, Paula, talk about their first date, traveling, and what they appreciate about each other.

WHAT BROUGHT YOU TO COLUMBIA? Larry: I came to Columbia in 1954 on a Mizzou Basketball scholarship. I chose MU because they were opening a new medical school. The University had 6,500 students and the population of Columbia was 35,000. I enjoy the intellectual and cultural opportunities here, as well as participating in the growth of the health industry.

HOW DID YOU TWO MEET? Paula: We met at Boone Hospital. I was a senior at MU and worked the weekend switchboard, which was located in the emergency room. Larry was seeing a patient, and we chatted while he was waiting on lab results. He was funny, and I knew he was someone special.

Larry: Early one morning, I saw Paula getting on her bicycle after a night’s work. I called her for a date at 7:30 a.m., as soon as she got home.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOGETHER? Paula: We were engaged six weeks after our first date and celebrated 42 years of marriage in June. I was getting ready to join the Peace Corps and planning to relocate out West when I returned, but meeting Larry put an immediate end to those plans.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ART OR CULTURE ACTIVITY IN COLUMBIA? Paula: Without a doubt, the True/False Film Festival. It brings so many fascinating people to town, and the documentaries are amazing and quite memorable — you cry, you laugh, but you never forget the impact of these films.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE YOU’VE TRAVELED TOGETHER? Larry: We’ve been to Italy three times. The people and the history are unparalleled. We had the opportunity to be part of the Pope’s audience on one trip.

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST DATE? Paula: We went to the Flaming Pit. Larry brought a good friend with him because he was so nervous! We had a fantastic time and he had the courage to take me out alone for our next date.

WHAT IS THE BEST QUALITY OF YOUR PARTNER? Paula: His caring for others, sense of humor, generosity, and ability to not take things too seriously.

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Larry: That she sees the best in everyone and puts their needs before her own.

WHAT IS SOMETHING PEOPLE DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU? Paula: Other than our 17-year age difference, I’d say how laid back we both are.

Larry: That Paula trained for three years with the retired personal chef of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor, and she had an outstanding Italian restaurant that was written up in the Kansas City Star.

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR THE T WO OF YOU? Paula: Hopefully, many more years together laughing and loving life.

Larry: Continuing to enjoy each other and retiring on the Gulf Coast of Florida.

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COMO L I V I N G | 2001 CORPORATE PLACE, STE. 100 | COLUMBIA, MO 65202