Bursting Through Connections Issue 1

Photo by Eugenia Porechenskaya

Connections

the extraordinary in the ordinary issue 1- march 2022

INSIDE this issue Important Interviews

My Brother, His “Friend” and My Prom Dress Unreal, Unplanned and Unlike Any Other Mannequins and Queers

Stimulating Stories

On Love, A Queer Florida Teen’s Truth The Trans Preacher

Meaningful Moment The Boss

Extraordinary Actions Joe, Not a Midwest Mom Joan, Her Nazi Ex-husband and Her Gay Son

A MEMBER SUPPORTED, GRASSROOTS STORYTELLING MOVEMENT BUILDING THE WORLD’S LARGEST LIBRARY OF STORIES CELEBRATING THE QUEER-STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIP. 2

In this issue My Brother, His “Friend” and My Prom Dress…………..PAGE 6 Joe, Not a Midwest Mom……………………………….PAGE 12 On Love, A Queer Florida Teen’s Truth…………………..PAGE 19 Unreal, Unplanned and Unlike Any Other………………PAGE 32 Joan, Her Nazi Ex-husband and Her Gay Son……………PAGE 43 The Trans Preacher……………………………………..PAGE 54 The Boss………………………………………………..PAGE 61 Mannequins and Queers………………………………..PAGE 63

2022,Bursting through LLC. All Rights Reserved

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From Steve Welcome to the first issue of Bursting Through Connections.

Connections is the newest addition to Bursting Through and is entirely from and about Bursting Through Members, people just like you.

It is your connection to those you care about that brings this magazine to life, amplifies your voice and highlights your compassion. I hope that as you read each story, you find yourself in the conversation, nodding along and motivated to act.

A distinctive feature of Connections is KNOWLEDGE and POWER that follows the stories. That feature allows you to learn more about the topic of the story through easy-to-read data and allows you to click to action as you feel empowered.

Steve Petersen

I know that Bursting Through Members are compassionate,

Founder, Bursting Through and Connections Editor

empathetic and open-hearted people who want to be more

Email Steve

involved. I also know they have hectic lives, experience information overload and decision fatigue regularly.

Connections is not only from you and about you— it is FOR YOU. It is a combination of entertainment, emotional connection and easy activism.

Please enjoy this first issue and share with a like-minded friend who you feel would want to know about Bursting Through, its members and their stories.

Take care, Stay Safe and Speak out.

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CLICK TO LEARN ABOUT PRIDE RUN SERIES 5

My Brother, His “Friend”

and My Prom Dress story from Sara My Brother, His ‘Friend’ and My Prom Dress is one in a series of interviews by Connections Editor/Bursting Through Founder Steve Petersen exploring sibling relationships.

Sibling dynamics can be complex. From siblings we learn about friends and enemies, collaboration and competition, support and satire and bonds that cannot be easily broken.

But what are the sibling dynamics like when one sibling is queer and one is straight? Does it make a difference? How does it shape views of love and life?

To find out, I asked Sara.

Sara and that prom dress

Q. A.

What was the first emotion you experienced when you were confronted with the fact that your sibling was Queer?

Excited? That seems weird, right? It's the emotion I remember feeling when my big brother and his "friend" was going to meet my mom and I in Des Moines to shop for my junior year prom dress.

Spoiler alert, I ended up with an amazing dress with cut out mesh slits in the side [unheard of for our little town in 1996, at least out of Sara, and clear sort of Cinderella shoes that were killer on the eyes and the feet.

At that point, I had not been told my brother was gay, I just knew or assumed. The realization or assumption, did not lead me to ponder or question anything. It just was who he was. It was just my brother.

A few years later, over beers late at night, he finally told me he was gay. I remember thinking he was about to tell me something really bad because he seemed really nervous. After the big reveal which was "I'm gay", I just remember saying, "I know" and him looking somewhat shocked.

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Q. What made it OK for you sibling to be queer?

A.

I never thought of it as being ok or not ok.

To me, it was just who he was. With an 11 year age difference, most of my memories of my brother start when he was in and just out of college.

He drove a cool car, lived in the city, had a cool job at a store in the mall. What's not to be okay with?

Sara and her brother

Q. How has having a queer sibling made you think differently about love, life and the human experience?

A. I realized quickly, or was helped to realize, that non-straight love was difficult. I felt sad he didn't have a spouse or kids like my straight siblings and like I would someday.

It was a very "simple" way for me to think about love maybe, but I was young and assumed love was getting married and having kids.

As a 43 year old straight woman with a failed marriage by the age of 30, I of course know that being straight and married with kids doesn't equal happiness or love.

I'm so glad for the advances in marriage equality and same sex couple adoption, but of course there is so much work to be done.

Q.

From what you have seen, do you think the Queer experience with life and love is just like the Straight experience? Meaning, from your perspective is it the same experience except one has male/female relationships and the other same sex relationships?

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Sara and her family

A.

I do, or maybe at least I hope that is the case so that is what I look for. I know there are so many barriers that same sex couples face, but I am lucky enough to know and love many same sex couples and watch them live together, get married, adopt kids, etc.

The way I feel we live and love the same is in the sense of our day to day struggles, failures, and triumphs. We all stress about money, we complain about bad days at work, we worry about our kids and parents' health and happiness, we debate over who is calling into work when the kids are sick, why one has to always figure out what is for supper.

Q. When you think back on your relationship with your Queer sibling, what surprises you the most about the relationship?

A. What an outspoken voice for fairness & change he is. There are five of us, we all have opinions and strong feelings of what is right of course, but I can't imagine speaking to a room, a community, or a group of high profile individuals and sharing raw personal information for the greater good 8

Q. If this was your last message to your queer sibling, what would you like to say?

A. You have taught me so much about compassion and acceptance.

Because of you, I feel I know how to meet and embrace people who live and love differently than I do and thanks to that, I have met some wonderful people!

You are the reason my 11 year old pauses a show to excitedly share with me that he just saw the LGBTQ+ flag. You bring such a positive example of love and generosity to my family and I. Thank you! We love you!

Thank you Sara for sharing your insight, your emotional courage, compassion and authenticity. To be fully transparent, Sara is my sister. I couldn’t think of a better way to begin this series on queer/straight siblings than with one of my own.

Stepping into the spotlight to be interviewed is out of her comfort zone, so it was impressive to see her do so with such ease and honesty. Sara is a rare combination of kind and feisty and I am honored to be her big brother.

SARA: Respiratory Therapist (COVID Warrior) Devoted Mom and Wife Truehearted Sister, Aunt and Friend and Bursting Through Member 9

Knowledge LGBT parenting issues Raising an LGBT teen is no different than raising a heterosexual child.

They still have the same struggles of learning how to form their own identity. Issues seen in families deal with navigating what coming out means to the family and building a comfortable level of talking openly about your teenager’s sexuality. Working on nurturing and improving relationships and communication skills during this transition is critical for developing self-acceptance in your child.

LGBT Family Rejection 40% of homeless youth are LGBT. This high percentage is connected to family rejection. Family rejection of a gay child is more than the child being kicked out because of their sexuality. Family rejection comes from not feeling loved and accepted by your parents. Family rejection leads to poor self-esteem, increased risk of suicide and drug use.

Power CLICK TO LEARN HOW ONE MOM TOOK ACTION 10

Membership Matters “My membership is important because I’m still learning how to be the best advocate for the community and learning through Bursting Through is incredibly helpful.

Keep up the great work”

Wes

Straight Man, Husband, Dad of 3, including one gay son, all around good human and Bursting Through Member

Become a member 11

Bursting Through

EXTRAORDINARY ACTIONS

MOM Joe, NOT AasMIDWEST told by Steve

Joe

The Center

Joe and his son

Bursting Through sees the extraordinary in people, in the ordinary of their everyday lives, even if they don’t see it in themselves.

An extraordinary person's story is not a list of accomplishments or akin to a late night talk show interview that is fairly predictable and mostly about promoting something. It is a story about what brought a person to activism, their internal dialogue, struggles and triumphs.

Joe is the Executive Director, CEO and Founder of The LGBTQ+ Family Connections Center of the Upper Midwest. Before assuming this position, Joe was a successful executive in West Virginia.

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Joe and I connected through activism. He was founding the Family Connections Center as I was developing Bursting Through and we discovered each other's work on LinkedIn. We quickly bonded over the similar experiences we had growing up gay and our shared need to help and support our community.

We found mutual respect and kinship in our different approaches to a common goal.

Family Connection Center Website

During a visit to his local barbershop for a routine haircut, Joe encountered a 14 year old gay boy who had been rejected by his family. This encounter was the catalyst that brought Joe to face his inner wounded gay kid, who had also been rejected. Not to the degree of the young man in the barbershop and also not without support like the young man in the barbershop.

Joe went home from the barbershop and told his husband he was quitting his job and starting a nonprofit to support these rejected/ homeless kids. In that moment at the barbershop and during his drive back home, Joe removed his blinders, revisited his values, remembered his authentic self and knew he needed to do something to help these kids.

Joe’s son

Joe’s son

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Joe’s husband and son

Joe’s internal dialogue told him he could not do the “Midwest Mom Thing” when someone is horrified, knows and understands the need and thinks, “Someone should do something!” He began looking through a different lens. He looked around at the comfortable and safe life he, his husband and son were living.

He looked at their nice big house with rooms they never used. He looked at all the things his son had and saw clearly that the only thing his son really needed and wanted was the love, time and attention of his family.

Joe and his son

He looked honestly at himself, his lifestyle and his values. He thought deeply about what he was teaching his son. He realized that his values had not changed, but he had stopped living them and it was time to take action, so he did.

Joe founded the LGBTQ+ Family Connection Center headquartered in Rapid City, SD. It serves South and North Dakota, Upper Nebraska, Montana and parts of Wyoming.

The LGBTQ+ Family Connection Center’s mission is to strengthen and empower LGBTQ+ and Two Spirit youth, individuals, and seniors to overcome obstacles by providing housing, supportive counseling, community education, and advocacy. The Center envisions a community where all LGBTQ+ and Two Spirit people, inclusive of all intersecting identities, are supported, equal, and thriving Joe is looking at the bigger picture now and did not put back on the blinders that were removed at the barbershop that day. He and his husband have sold their house and land in West Virginia and are in the process of relocating to South Dakota where their family needs to be.

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Joe talks very naturally about making these lifestyle changes that would be overwhelming to most. In addition to selling their house and relocating to a different time zone and climate, they went from two cars to one and sold their camper. He realizes these changes are minor inconveniences at most. Without question he knows those things are not the point—the LGBTQ+ kid without a bed is.

Joe is extraordinary for many reasons but mostly because he thinks that everything he has done to be the “person to do something about it” is ordinary.

JOE: Activist, Gay Man, Husband, Dad, Extraordinary Human and Bursting Through Member

To learn about Joe’s work at the Family Connection Center and how you can help, Follow this link: LGBTQ+ Family Connection Center 15

Knowledge There are approximately 5,176,872 LGBTQ+ Youth in the United States ages 13-24.

1.6 Million Youth are homeless each year, 40% of them identify as LGBTQ+ 1 in 4 LGBTQ+ Youth will be asked to leave their home when coming out.

68% of LGBTQ+ Teens have experienced family rejection.

There are currently no federal programs specifically designed to meet the needs of LGBTQ+ Homeless Youth.

Power

CLICK TO SUPPORT LGBTQ+ YOUTH 16

CLICK TO LEARN ABOUT SDIG 17

CJ EDWARDS www.mdclv.com

www.bqmlv.com

bookmrcje@gmail.com

Play The Love of Hate

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ON LOVE, A Queer Florida Teen’s Truth story from Elaina

On Love was written by Elaina for a school assignment. It is published here with her permission. Elaina is a Florida teenager juggling high school and teen life as her state passes legislation against her basic rights.

I had two boyfriends in fifth grade: Parker and Philipe. I don't remember how Philipe and I broke up. I think we just stopped talking at the end of fifth grade with the somber understanding that we were going to go to different schools. However, I do remember how we began dating. In the middle of a math lesson, I was passed a note that read "Do you like me? Check yes or no." I added a box that said maybe, checked it, and sent it back.

Before Philipe, there was Parker. I don't remember how Parker and I began dating, but I remember vividly how it ended. I had begun to feel nervous when he bought me a fake pearl bracelet and a picture frame covered in hearts from the school fair. 11 year-old Elaina had gotten him nothing at all and was a bit concerned about the different levels of commitment.

Then a couple days later, he went home from school sick. Tucked in the back of my desk was a note that said "Sick. Went home. Love you." I had a friend break up with him for me as soon as he came back.

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It had nothing to do with Parker himself. I thought he was cute and he made me laugh. Best I could tell at the time, that meant that I had a crush on him and should therefore be dating him. But the word "love" terrified me.

It didn't align right with my own edges. As soon as I read it I was struck by the sudden image of a perfect idyllic life: plastic green grass, the smell of pesticides, doing the same thing every day.

"Love" in the way I understood it at the time was something I hated. So I broke up with Parker.

"What is love?" is perhaps one of humanity's greatest deabtes. Kierkegard, Sartre, Aristotle, and even Haddaway have all pondered the famous question. If you ask Hallmark movies, it involves cookie-cutter pretty white men and women, big sweeping romantic gestures to win someone back in the third act, and occasionally Santa.

If you ask the general public, it involves white-picket fences, two kids, and a dog. If you ask a dictionary, it is a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person. But all of those answers are like holding water.

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It fits in that container, but it may spill over the top or leave some gaps. There may be air bubbles. It may splash out when you move. It may spring leaks. And besides, it may fit, but it isn't it's naturally occurring state. You poured it in there.

The crux of the matter at hand—What is love?—comes down to one main thing. It is that society's definition of love is wrong—or not wrong, but too constrained and bland to really be accurate. The issue is not that we don't have an answer for what love is yet, it's that our definition just doesn't work.

I suppose we do have a factual answer for what love is. Love in all its forms, platonic, familial, romantic, is related to the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin. The hypothalmus of the brain produces these hormones when people engage in bonding activities and they reinforce the positive feelings we feel towards other people. Love that is more specifically romantic mostly deals with dopamine. Dopamine is a hormone that is released when we do things we enjoy. This and norepinephrine make us feel energetic and giddy. The areas of the brain that generate good feelings, or the "reward" centers, have been shown to light up when people are shown photos of their partners.

There is also a general societal consensus on what love feels like. It's an intense feeling. People fall in love. Note the word choice there: fall. It's not a subtle, slow thing; it is an all-at-once tumble. To love someone else is to have that person be your whole future. Love means getting married. You buy a small suburban house and you have kids and a dog. Love typically involves flowers and chocolates and walks on the beach. Sometimes there are fights, but there are also big romantic gestures to make up for it. I think the same of it now as I did when I was in fifth grade, holding a note that proclaimed that someone loved me: how terrifying.

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It's the inflexibility of it all that is wrong. If I am to believe this definition of love, then I am to believe that love always follows one strict path, that there is no other end than to settle down with kids. To quote Plato, "Love is born into every human being," and at the moment our view of love certainly does not encompass every human being. The world is far too broad and the people too diverse for love to be so one note and specific.

For a society that claims to be progressive, it is noticeable that its perception of love is still so tied to heteronormative ideas. The love we demonstrate to our impressionable children is very narrow and, as a result of that narrowness, damaging. There will be children who don't fit in that idyllic picture of a happy life, who will worry that they are unlovable or can't feel love because of it, who will grow up with an antagonistic relationship with their own emotions.

I was one of those kids.

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Growing up, I was always confused when I would hear my classmates talk about their crushes or people they found cute. So I learned what love was like from watching everyone else. Even if I didn't understand the criteria, I could follow it. So if a girl asked me what boy I had a crush on, I could point at the blond one with freckles whom every other girl had just pointed at before me.

I cannot accurately describe how many nights I stayed awake in elementary school trying to figure out who I should love for the rest of my life. My parents did their best to make sure I understood the full range of love I could experience. Despite their attempts, I still grew up in a small town in Florida in which all I knew was being straight, because that's all I ever saw in terms of relationships, and being gay, because that was the most commonly thrown insult.

With those being my only options at the time, I was distressed trying to choose one, especially since it seemed to me that my classmates had made their choices very definitively and very quickly.

So when I discovered that a person could be attracted to multiple genders, it was like seeing the world in color for the first time. I was so excited by my discovery that I personally told each of my friends the next day.

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While I will admit that I think the world has been improving in showing how diverse love is to the younger generation—I am reminded of Arthur's gay wedding and the pride music video from Blue's Clues—I still do not believe it is anywhere close to embracing an accurate, encompassing definition of love.

Especially in light of Florida's new "Parental Rights in Education" bill (or as critics have dubbed it the "Don't Say Gay" bill), which says that school districts can't "encourage classroom discussion about sexual orientation or gender identity in primary grade levels or in a manner that is not age-appropriate or developmentally appropriate for students" (Florida Congress, House). However, appropriate discussions are not defined, leaving room open for any discussion at all to get banned.

This is not even addressing the absurdity of "age-appropriate" discussions. If kids are old enough to be asked if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend or to be called future heartbreakers, they're old enough to be told girls can date girls. It's an incredibly dangerous bill that will further set back any productive conversations on love in the modern age. I can only think of all the kids who, as a result of this bill, will have to grow up hating love because they can't see how they fit into its definition.

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Love is a beautiful thing and everyone deserves to be included in it.

By love I should clarify that I mean all forms of love because they are all equally important and equally messy. When we say love, we tend to assume that we mean romantic love. Up until this point, I myself have been using love when I mean romantic love. Love brings up the smell of roses and chocolate and the feel of kisses on your cheeks. But love is just as often laughing at your brother when he hits his foot doing a stupid dance or cheering obnoxiously at a friend's play. If we are to truly consider the meaning of love, we must expand beyond the romantic. Although romantic love is often the most flashy, with desperate runs through the rain or nighttime serenades outside a window, platonic and familial love are just as impactful.

But even these categories are too simplistic. I'm drawing lines through love and cutting it up into neat little pieces from which we can make clear definitions. But we should not separate love into multiple separate concepts when the boundaries are so blurry. We think we have people that are friends, people that are family, and people that are lovers. We think the lines don't cross.

But they do cross, if we aren't afraid to confront it. Perhaps it's that being queer has forced me to confront these murky waters in a way I wouldn't have been forced to if I was straight, if I could easily separate the possibility of romantic love from platonic love. But as it is, I find that most of my relationships stand soundly in murky waters. I meant what I wrote to Philipe on that note all those years ago: maybe.

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I think that I could romantically love most people I am close with if the relationship moved in that direction, but as it stands my feelings linger with one foot on each side of a line. And I am content with that. What I feel for my friends is love, even if I can't always tell whether it's platonic or romantic. But the rest of the world seems afraid to address these gray spots.

It's this fear that is responsible for much dissatisfaction in the pursuit of love. People seem to think that when they fall in love with someone it will be substantially different than when they love their friends or family. Romcoms do nothing to dissuade them of this notion. In real life, romantic love will come slowly and it will have to be a deliberate choice and commitment, much like good friendships.

Love, in all its forms, is important and equally important at that. Sure, it may be the work of chemicals firing in our brains, but so is everything else. To boil all of existence down to chemistry is dull, and I think that we as a species have a bit more creativity than that. But as much as I have harped on the definition of love up to this point, I have yet to define it myself. So to make myself abundantly clear, when I say love I mean the simple act and feeling of caring deeply for another person. That feeling may be more romantic in nature or it may be shades of gray. It may look like a future with kids or it may be two years before your futures diverge. What matters is that love is defined so that every person is included and that it is defined without any one picture in mind.

Love is far too broad and intricate and personal to accurately describe in one way. It is in that intricacy and personal aspect that love becomes a form of radical expression

This may seem a strange point. Love is love. It is something as old as time itself and something that everyone experiences in one way or another. For those reasons alone, there is no way it can be radical.

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But it is in that universality that love becomes a radical display and an act of defiance. Consider Romeo and Juliet. While modern viewers may try to paint them as stupid kids who died for lust, not love, that detracts from the point of the story. Romeo and Juliet break ancient feuds with their love. Can you imagine that anything other than them dying for their love would have convinced the Capulets and Montagues of how stupid their feud was? In response to hatred, love is always the most powerful thing.

Gay marriage was legalized in 2015. The first gay rights movement in America, the Society for Human Rights, was founded in 1924. For a large number of people simply loving who they wanted to has been a radical display for centuries and in many ways still is today. I think often about how rare it is to find queer people, specifically gay men, over the age of fifty.

The community was so thoroughly wiped out by the AIDs crisis that every old queer person simply existing feels like an act of defiance in itself. The queer community exists today because of love and not just romantic love. It survived because of how queer individuals banded together. When hospitals ran low on blood and gay men were banned from donating (and still are), lesbians, most notably the Blood Sisters of San Diego, held blood drives.

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Love, when its definition is expanded to include all people and all forms, is one of the most powerful and revolutionary things in the world.

It strikes me again how much of my perception of love is shaped by being queer. I am not able to take love at face value because the face value of love that society presents to me does not include me. In response to such, it is clear that love as society presents it must be changed. As it stands it leaves out all the beautiful messiness of life, all the radical change it embodies. It sanitizes love down to its most damaging parts.

I spent most of my young life not keen on the idea of love. It was restrictive and scary - the idea of losing control over my emotions enough that I could "fall" in love with someone was not pleasant for a girl who hated roller coasters. I spent years trying to choose who I would love and I have spent years since being a little bit in love with everyone. I ache for all the people like me who are taught society's idea of love and can't find where they fit into it, who have to compromise, who have to squeeze themselves in, breaking bones and losing bits along the way, who cannot yet see the beauty and revolutionary nature of love in its actual form.

ELAINA: Daughter, Sister, Friend Hardworking Student A Work in Progress 28

Knowledge Florida passed a bill banning teachers from talking about Queer people.

The bill even prevents students from speaking about their own LGBTQ families at school.

Disney still won’t condemn the “Don’t Say Gay” bill and tells staff to go to therapy if it bothers them.

Tourism is Florida’s greatest source of income.

About forty million people visit there yearly spending over $40 billion dollars each year.

If you are Queer or a Queer ally, consider vacationing elsewhere. Your money has power!

Power

click to sign a petition

Stop Florida's "Don't Say Gay" Bill click to contact Disney

Tell Disney what you think 29

Shop now 30

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Unreal, Unplanned

and Unlike Any Other story from CJ Unreal, Unplanned and Unlike any other is one in a series of interviews by Connections Editor/Bursting Through Founder Steve Petersen exploring friendship.

CJ

It’s clear that best friends are invaluable. They keep us company, keep us real, encourage our dreams and understand our craziness. But what is the friendship like when one friend is queer and one is straight?

Does it make a difference?

What’s the key to maintaining friendship?

To find out, I asked CJ.

Q. Tell us a little about your journey of self discovery and coming to terms with your sexuality.

A. I grew up in a small town called Victorville, California. My family roots, on my mom's

side, are very strong there. I graduated from the same high school as my late Papa (Grandpa), mother, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I knew from an early age that I was different from some of the other kids in my immediate family and this reflected into how I was treated and responded to with some of the differences that I had, but did not understand.

Most of my family loves sports, cars, clothes, and/or typical stuff that we assign to gender norms and stereotypes. I loved sound, music, dancing, and had such a wide curiosity for the world and things I didn’t understand. I also loved playing with the hair on Barbie Dolls, not the dolls really, just the hair and for that I was teased a lot.

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I remember I used to put towels on my head and pretend I had hair and this behavior would become a joke every time my cousins and I got together, but at the same time they would always acknowledge my ability to dance and sing, which helped me dodge the teasing all the time. I was a brainy, but creative and artistic sort of kid, so I guess I always had an “edge” to me so I did not want to play in the dirt, or go to work with my dad and uncles who were construction workers.

I didn’t truly recognize I was interested in guys/boys CJ until junior high school, the age of ultimate curiosity and I was playing basketball on the school team, and in P.E. and I think my natural physical attraction spoke to me before I actually understood it mentally and emotionally.

However, the view was so limited and misunderstood that one could argue it was subject to just lust and desire versus lifestyle and commitment to a life of advocacy and representation. It was during this time that while I did start to experiment sexually with a couple friends, not together, but through masturbation, watching our parent’s porn or channels late at night that played sexual content, I wasn’t attracted to women like they were.

I felt uncomfortable talking about girls and their body parts, but to some of my friends, this talk got them not only excited, but ready to engage and experiment with actual girls and not the fantasies that played in their minds from watching porn.

The first emotion I had when I felt the courage to tell someone I was queer was comfortable. I told my baby brother. We are two years apart, and being that I was different from the start and teased a lot, my brother ALWAYS had my back, never judged me, and always made sure I was ok when the emotions got tough. I felt more comfortable with telling my family first about who I am because my aunt, my mom’s baby sister, is queer and closer to my age (9 years older) made a pathway that allowed for more acceptance. However, it was still difficult and at times, even still, I feel “othered' and on the outside.

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Q. This story is about best friends. Tell me a little A.

about your best friend.

Ray and I met through mutual friends while I lived in California. I was asked to come in and help a dance ministry group at a local LA church. They were going to a Christian conference in San Diego in December of 2013 and presenting a dance routine. They needed help with choreography, visuals, and such so had me come in to help.

At the rehearsal before the conference, Ray had to miss because of a medical issue, so I stood in for him. I did not meet him until the conference, and had to teach him his parts

Ray and CJ

Our initial connection was very cool, but it was at dinner afterwards where I realized this guy is trouble, in a good way, and something about him was calling for me to invite him into this dance company I was starting called The Recipe Men in North Hollywood.

Ray lived in Costa Mesa, but somehow he accepted the offer and joined us at the first practice in January of 2014, a month or so after we just met. I’ll never forget when I first asked him to join the team, his response to me was, “I don’t dance. . . ,” my response was, “Let the Lord use you.”

He wanted to quit after the first practice. Something I admire about him is that he loves a challenge, which is what solidified our friendship/brotherhood, but he is also not a quitter.

He stuck with TRM until the end when in August of 2017 after moving here I decided to call it quits on the dance company.

Q.What were the common interests that connected you and made you best friends?

A.

Some of our common interests are God, music, dance, and taking the time to make sure we spoil each other when it comes to celebrating our birthdays or special occasions.

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Every year we go sip champagne, eat good, get massages, and either see a show or go to a concert. Part of the reason I moved to Vegas was because for Ray’s birthday in 2016, his wife and other close friend planned a surprise trip for him that landed us at the Life is Beautiful Festival. At this festival, I felt the call to relocate and 3 months later, I moved.

Q. What was the ONE thing that happened that cemented the foundation of your friendship?

That first time you knew this was my “ride or die”?

A.

The challenge that solidified our friendship was wrestling (LOL). After (dance) practice one day, Ray and I were going back and forth. He also has a witty sense of humor, and I think I said, “ Well we can wrestle or fight” or something like that (not serious, but play) and he was like ok.

Prior to this I didn’t know he used to be on the wrestling team in high school, but he also didn’t know I am just rough around the edges if I have to be so I wasn’t going down easy.

So, in front of everyone, we wrestled and long story short, I’ll say it was a tie, but to let him tell it, he won because I slipped on my sandals that I was wearing.

After that, our connection just flourished and we became closer and closer even to this day we are very solid as brothers. In June of 2017, Ray was taking me to dinner for my birthday and we were T-boned on my side, passenger, and the car flipped twice. We both crawled out of the windows on both of our sides, but came out of the accident with no injuries, only a few scrapes and scratches.

The accident. Luckily no one was injured.

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In September of 2020, we got matching tattoos on our right forearms that forever cement our bond and friendship. The tattoo is a California Poppy Flower (California State Flower), and in the stem it reads “ride and die” to honor our commitment to each other, no matter what.

Ray and CJ’s tattoos

Q. When did you come out to your friend and what did that conversation and day look like?

How did he react and what was your reaction to that?

A.

The answer to this question is a bit scattered because when I met Ray, I was going through a transition. I had just lost my dad, and was heavily into serving the community through ministry and the church that I attended was a major source of influence that kept me connected to the voice of God. During this time I had a girlfriend which was intentional, wanted, and unforced. I didn’t get with a girl to dispel any rumors or feelings, I actually was very much attracted and had feelings for her, but recognizing that I was still lost in my understanding of self we did not last and had to break up.

After that breakup, I really recognized that my feelings for men had never left and I needed to unpack what those feelings were without the cloud of guilt, shame, and contradiction that I was getting from social doctrine and religion.

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Ray was among the first people I did tell about my conversation with God which consisted of me in tears expressing my frustration with what I couldn’t control. I told God that I loved him and my attraction to men wouldn’t change my love or reverence and if I wasn’t supposed to on this journey, take it away.

Ray, just like my baby brother, has and always will respect and never judge me. He told me that he didn’t care about what I was attracted to, he cared about me as a person. For that, I was and have always been extremely grateful that the people who matter most to me didn’t have to think twice to accept and love me.

Q. As you look back on this time in your friendship, what surprised you the most about your relationship?

A.

Although we come from different cultures (Vietnamese/Black), backgrounds, and experiences, I never felt left out, othered, or not included. Ray’s family loves me like I am one of them. His mom would cook separate meals for me because I don’t eat pork, we would have sleepovers and even though Ray has a younger brother, he made me his Best Man in his wedding.

Our connection is unreal, unplanned, and unlike any other I have ever had and for that, I am forever grateful.

Ray and CJ

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Q. Tell me about how your relationship has changed through the years? What would you view as just “normal” dynamics of people growing and changing and what do you think has

changed (for better or for worse) because your friend is straight and you are not? Have there been vulnerable and frank conversations about that?

A.

Over the years, things have changed and honestly that’s just by way of life, but one of the major things that changed was when Ray decided to get married. There is another responsibility as a husband for a wife that I will never understand, even though I can understand love and relationship dynamics.

Ray and I are 7 years apart in age, and due to our cultural differences, expectations, wants, and needs are different. Being asked to be the best man for a non-queer guy in charge of non-queer men (7 of them) for non-queer activities was not only a challenge, but a reminder that I was different.

The silver lining in that, which I can see now, is that Ray trusted me and didn’t question my ability and purpose for what I was doing. He just needed me to be there, and I was.

We had such a great time, but I do remember sharing with him that I did not feel adequate because I didn’t relate entirely on some things, how do you give advice about women when you don’t date them? The conflict of being seen as effeminate because you are queer is a constant dynamic I have to work through in many queer to non-queer relationships.

I have many non-queer friends, and many say, “I didn’t even know” or “you don’t seem gay,” which, without realizing is also demeaning, but to a world that seeks conformity in social norms I get along because I can “pass.”

Ray does not know what that dynamic is like so when it comes to LGBTQ+ issues he can only support, be an ear, and respond to the level of his understanding.

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We had to, and still are learning how to show up for each other in our differences. Ray doesn’t open up so well and takes too long, in my opinion, to respond to an area of conflict versus someone like me who thrives on communication and needs to settle the discomfort.

However, allowing someone the space and time they need without making them feel bad for that is another dynamic we had to really work through as we got closer and closer

Q. Maintaining lasting, meaningful friendships can be really challenging. What do you think is the key to friendship?

A.

Trusting each other and not just with some things, but all things. It’s easy, especially for queer/non-queers, to select what to share and not, but the trust you have should ease the uncomfort of sharing things we may not understand, agree or are comfortable with.

Be honest with who you are and how you feel. True acceptance can only exist through the transparency of who we present ourselves to be.

Accept that challenges don’t break, but strengthen your relationship and be committed to working and communicating through those challenges.

NOTHING is worth the cost of your relationship.

Ray and CJ

39

Thank you CJ for sharing and letting us be a part of this powerful friendship.

The way CJ answered the interview question really blew me away.

His emotional bravery and honesty was still connecting with me weeks later when I sat down to put it into the magazine.

I sent him a follow up thank you text and he responded, “I really just wanted to be brave and share a little more about myself. It’s uncomfortable, but I know that there is a different level of freedom in being transparent, so I hope it inspires someone.”

This view into CJ and Ray’s friendship inspired me. I now strive to incorporate some of CJ’s courage and devotion into my life and friendships. Maybe you will too.

CJ: Professional Dancer, Community Leader, Awesome Best Friend, Beautiful Human Being and Bursting Through Member.

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Membership Matters “Your mission means, not only, that queer people can feel okay for coming out and being who they are meant to be, but “straight” people can also feel okay openly loving and supporting all of their family members, friends, and community peers… regardless of their personal identification.”

Kevin

Straight Man, Husband, Dad, Grandpa, Coach, Loyal Friend and Bursting Through Member.

Become a member 41

Bursting Through

42 HendersonPride.org 42

EXTRAORDINARY ACTIONS JOAN HER NAXI EX-HUSBAND AND HER GAY SON

as told by Steve

Joan

Bursting Through sees the extraordinary in people, in the ordinary of their everyday lives, even if they don’t see it in themselves.

An extraordinary person's story is not a list of accomplishments or akin to a late night talk show interview that is fairly predictable and mostly about promoting something.

It is about what brought a person to activism, their internal dialogue, struggles and triumphs.

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In April 1990, Joan was a recently divorced single mom who had just started working for the state of Washington.

Joan had two sons and her maternal instincts told her that her youngest son was gay. She knew she just needed to “let that grow through” to see how it would go.

She didn’t focus on one son over the other, she simply moved forward with their lives.

The northwestern state of Washington Six months later Joan was walking past a newspaper stand and saw a headline: “Three Members of Aryan Nation Arrested”. She thought about her ex-husband Rocky who had started to get into the KKK and Aryan Nation prior to their divorce. Joan thought, “I wonder what he would think about his buddies now?” She stopped and picked up the paper.

Aryan Nation Members

Joan opened up the newspaper to find her ex-husband’s face staring back at her in the group of three.

She read that their plan had been to bomb the summer Goodwill Games in Seattle, The Jewish Synagogue at the University of Washington, a Seattle Gay nightclub called Neighbors and an African-American owned restaurant in Tacoma. She also learned that their plan had been exposed by an ex-pro wrestler named Rico Valentino who infiltrated the group and informed the FBI about it all

Rico Valentino

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She swallowed her breath, went to work and called the FBI. She told them who she was and said, “I’m wondering if you want to talk to me?” and they said, “Yes, we have been looking for you.” Within 45 minutes two members of the FBI showed up at her work and that day Joan became a witness for the FBI. When her ex-husband had moved out, Joan found a lot of literature and propaganda from the Aryan Nation, KKK and other domestic terrorist and hate groups. Her gut told her to keep them “just in case.” She realized they might be valuable to the FBI and it turned out she was right.

Joan’s courageous, remarkable and at times unbelievable story of standing up to the Aryan Nation is well documented. In true 90’s fashion, Joan even appeared as a guest on the Geraldo Rivera Show— wearing a wig and with her voice disguised—to discuss her testimony as a witness for the prosecution.

But, this story is also about Joan as a Queer rights advocate and activist. I met Joan at a LGBTQ+ film festival in Las Vegas in January of this year. My company, Bursting Through, was a sponsor of the festival. Joan had learned that Bursting Through tells stories, we connected and she started telling me hers.

I was beyond fascinated with her story and I kept thinking about what was going on inside her head then and now. What was she feeling, what gave her the courage to do what she did, how did it change her and her relationships with those around her? Why is she still showing up as a Queer rights advocate three decades later?

45

Joan was kind enough to let me find out. We met recently for breakfast and what I learned was completely compelling yet uncomplicated. I knew Joan was dragged into activism by her exhusband's terrorist activities but why did she turn into it instead of away from it? I’m sure she could have just as easily destroyed all her ex-husband’s propaganda as turn it over to the FBI and get herself involved.

When I asked what gave her the guts to stand up, I learned that besides knowing her values and the need to live true to herself she, “Wasn’t going to have that shit on her face” and she was going to, “Control her own story.” And perhaps most powerfully, she had a gay son and a Nazi husband, whose side was she going to take?

All of these choices and bravery didn’t come without fear, taking precautions and a lot of lifestyle changes.

During the time of her involvement with the FBI, Joan knew she was being followed and she knew it was likely she would get shot. She stopped going to lunch with her Jewish and Gay co-workers because she didn’t want them hurt by association. She stopped sitting by or walking past a window in her home or in public places. To this day, her living room and bedroom window blinds are closed because she is still waiting for the sniper shot.

In contrast to those wanting her dead, this time also brought new people into her life, people who wanted to show their support and friendship. Besides the FBI and leaders in the Jewish community she also met members of the Seattle Gay Community when she was interviewed by a reporter from the Seattle Gay News.

46

She recalls when the reporter and his boyfriend showed up to interview her they were “nervous with fear.” She did her best to put them at ease and let them know she was on their side, even though her ex-husband had tried to kill them. It was a rough start to what turned into an amazing, lifelong relationship full of love and support.

I observed she was able to find the inner strength to not be a victim and take as much power as she could to control her own story even though she was a victim in this whole mess.

I asked her how she did that and without taking a breath she responded,“I had to because when you reach out for help all you can see is streaks of shit in the direction that people run away in. I called my father for help with my boys and he said he didn’t want to be involved. I called my grandparents who raised me and they said no because they were afraid of the Aryan Nations coming there.

I contacted my uncle who was a RCNP Sergeant in Canada and he told me just to listen to the FBI. The only people willing to back me were the people from the Seattle Gay News who said they would put a circle of protection around my house, ‘So you and your children can sleep at night.’”

A Circle of Protection is a human circle or sphere created in unity to offer safety to those at risk or in danger.

THAT WAS JOAN AND HER CHILDREN 47

I observed how powerful it was that the Seattle gay community had shown up for her after she clearly had shown up for them. I commented how that took a HUGE amount of courage for the gay community to show up for her that way when no one else would and Joan said, “Yes, they were there, makeup, curlers and all. And I said OK you were there for me and I will FOREVER be there for you.”

And THAT is how a Washington State single mom became a lifelong Queer Rights Activist.

JOAN Fierce Activist, Courageous Mom FBI Wittness, Extraordinary Human and Bursting Through Member Aryan Nations is an American anti-semitic, neo-Nazi, white supremacist terrorist organization. Richard Girnt Butler founded the group in the 1970s. In 2001 the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) classified Aryan Nations as a "terrorist threat.”

Learn more about Richard Bultler 48

Richard Bulter

Knowledge

Joan wants you to know about the terrorists, their history of hate and what she went up against.

Click these links to find out.

ABOUT THE ARYAN NATION ABOUT FBI INFORMANT RICO VALENTINO ABOUT THE THREE MEN ARRESTED THAT DAY Domestic terrorists and hate groups are as active today as the were in the 1990’s Click this link to find out.

DOMESTIC TERRORISTS TODAY

Power

Activism in your power against hate and terrorists.

Click this link to start

HOW TO BECOME AN ACTIVIST 49

ARE YOU AN ALLY? Without doubt, Joan is a Queer Ally.

Very few allies will be called on to show her level of courage and make her sacrifices but are there things you can do to be an ally?

55% of the adult United State population self-identify as Queer Supporters, meaning, that 55% believe that the LGBTQ+ population should be allowed to live their lives the way that they want to, consequences free. They believe that, “Love is Love.”

The Bursting Through Movement and Connections Magazine were created in large part for that 55%. Bursting Through believes in their ally ship, their big hearts, their compassion and their empathy.

While Bursting Through wholeheartedly believes that Queer Allies want to be active allies, they often aren’t aware of the need or the needed actions. Here are some suggestions.

50

10 EASY AND EFFECTIVE WAYS

TO SHOW SUPPORT FOR THE QUEER COMMUNITY

1.

2.

3.

Share a favorite story about your Queer loved one in social settings or on social media. Storytelling connects us on a human level.

Display a symbol of safety like the PRIDE Flag or Human Rights Campaign equality sign. Let the Queer community know they are safe with you.

Speak up in person and on social media when you hear a fag, dyke or trans joke or disrespectful statement. Voicing your objection helps raise awareness.

4

Stop supporting businesses that actively work against Queer rights.

Your money has power and your consumer behavior matters.

5.

Support Queer-owned and Queer-friendly businesses or subscribe to a Queer publication like OUT or The Advocate. Your support makes a positive difference.

6.

Learn and use the proper language: LGBTQIA. L- Lesbian, G- Gay, B-Bisexual, T-Trans, Q-Queer or Questioning, I- intersex, A- Asexual.

Using the proper language shows respect.

7.

Understand and respect the importance of pronouns. This is how you can acknowledge a person’s identity.

8.

Learn about Queer history and share what you learn. Queer history has been marginalized or removed; history is incomplete without it.

9.

Don’t assume everyone is straight. Queer people find it awkward and tiring to out themselves when the assumption is made they are straight.

10.

Know the facts about the struggles of the Queer community and share them.

Knowledge is power and this information needs to become mainstream.

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Bursting Through 52

CFSOFBAND

CFSOF

Play THE ROWDY GIRLS

53

Central Florida Sounds of Freedom

#BetterWithTheBand

THE TRANS

PREACHER

story from Jamie as told bySteve

Bursting Through Founder and Connections Editor Steve Petersen sat down with Jamie, founder of the Las Vegas Trans Pride Center and United Church of Christ minister to talk about her faith and her difficult journey to her true self.

Jamie

For as long as she can remember, Jamie knew two things: She was in the wrong body She was meant to serve God. Knowing something, having a deep internal belief, does not make it reality.

The journey to take something from belief to reality always takes longer than we envision and is filled with unimaginable and unforeseen obstacles.

54

Taking a trek of any kind requires strength and stamina, but when it is something as complex as being born into the wrong body, something most people cannot imagine, what does that require?

To say it takes “great strength and stamina” is immeasurably understating the courage, boldness, strength and raw determination Jamie’s trek required.

Jamie grew up in Trenton, New Jersey and attended a Catholic school. From early on, the boy who would become Jamie, thought she would join the priesthood but there were internal conflicts. On a first-day-of-school bus ride she felt very out of place. “Everyone was in their uniform and in those days, boys sat on one side of the bus and girls on the other. I remember looking at the girl's side and knowing I was in the wrong clothes and on the wrong side”

On the wrong side

As a 4th grade altar boy, Jamie explored the girl inside in the woods behind her family home. She kept her “girl clothes” in those woods in a secret hiding place. Jamie would go into the woods and find comfort in being able to express her true self with clothes she had either snatched from clotheslines or gotten at yard sales for her fictitious sister.

Changing room in the woods

55

That hiding place, that changing room in the woods, was risky—she could have been discovered.

If that had happened it very likely would have led to physical violence or self harm. (In 2021 transgender youth living openly reported significantly increased rates of depression, suicidality and victimization compared to their cisgender peers. Today’s statistics, in a society that is supposedly more progressive and accepting are horrifying. It doesn’t take a wild imagination to think about how 1970’s New Jersey would have viewed a young boy with girl’s clothing in her hiding place.) But Jamie wasn’t discovered, her changing room remained safe. She believes God was protecting her in the woods.

2017

The 4th grade also introduced that boy to Ms. Craig. Ms. Craig was a good storyteller, ballet teacher and beauty pageant contestant. 4th grade Jamie asked her parents if she could join ballet class but her parents told her, “Boys don’t do that.” Instead it was the basketball and track teams.

In the 8th grade Jamie’s family relocated to Phoenix. Relocating as a teenager is tough under the best of circumstances but Jamie had to leave her safe spot in the woods and all of her girl clothes behind and that was devastating.

56

High school graduation came in 1981 followed by attending junior college to study drafting and run on the cross country team. Running had become a place of solitude and sanctuary where Jamie got to daydream of being herself while running long distances. College was followed by drafting jobs and then what was expected of every young man: marriage.

Jamie got married in 1990. The 14 year marriage included children as was expected. During the marriage, the lying started. There can be so much unintended dishonesty and deception as a transgender person. What is expected of you and the body you are born into can quickly turn you into someone you don’t want to be or even like.

Jamie still had a strong faith, connection to God and a desire to serve but the path there was at best blocked and often filled with churches that were not accepting of what was going on inside of her. She stayed with the Catholic Church through high school and then tried different churches including Assembly of God. Her hope was that the Assembly of God could “cure” what was going on inside. A cure was attempted, it provided temporary relief and then the feelings would come back stronger than when they had left. Assembly of God preaches against gay people and eventually Jamie got tired of being condemned and left that church.

1995 brought a family relocation to Vegas. Jamie came ahead to set up the home and begin work selling cars. During this time the internal struggle was very alive and the pretending and lying became more difficult. Before her wife and kids arrived, Jamie met and befriended some members of the gay community.

Jamie began going out more often to meet the friends she had made in the gay community. It became increasingly more difficult to go home. It came to a head in 2000 when she did not go home one night.

57

Upon returning home the next day, her wife asked, “Is there another girl?” Jamie’s bold and honest answer was,

“Yes, but it’s me.”

2000 brought a lot of change like the end of the marriage, living with her estranged wife and taking steps to come out and live an authentic life. Through all that change the one constant was Jamie’s desire to serve God—but it was still elusive.

Time moved on, and by Christmas 2002, she had her own apartment and had met a supportive man, David. In the summer of 2003, she began transitioning by taking hormones and dressing as a woman.

Jamie and David (her now husband) went in search of a church and found UCC-the United Church of Christ. After all she had been through, Jamie still wanted to be a member of the clergy and eventually found her way to seminary school. At the first school she did not hide who she was and got an F from a disapproving instructor that almost ended her dream.

She once again bounced back and found another seminary school in the San Fransisco Bay area. While there, she met another trans student who told her she could get gender reassignment surgery through the church and the next part of her transition began.

Finding acceptance and another transgender student at seminary

58

In 2016 Jamie was ordained as a minister and had her first gender reassignment surgery.

In March 2017 she had her last surgery and now lives as her authentic self, serves God and her community and it seems that little boy in New Jersey has had a prayer answered.

Jamie:

Ordained Minister, Community Leader Tireless Transgender Advocate, Wife, Friend, Beautiful Human Being, and Bursting Through Member.

59

Knowledge 2020 was the most violent year on record for The Trans Community since records have been kept (2013).

In 2021, lawmakers introduced a record number of anti-transgender bills in state legislatures, seeking to restrict transgender people’s access to health care, bathrooms, and sports and recreation.

Only 21 states expressly prohibit gender identity discrimination in employment, housing, and public accommodations under state law, leaving transgender people in many parts of the country particularly vulnerable to mistreatment.

Power CLICK TO SUPPORT THE TRANS PRIDE CENTER 60

from Jennifer A Bursting Through Moment is a short story from a Bursting Through Member. These short stories recall moments when compassion and empathy align and love comes bursting through. These are the extraordinary moments in our ordinary lives.

Moments put a little more love in the world. This edition of Connections has a moment from Bursting Through Member, Jennifer.

Jennifer

Jennifer is a male-to-female transgender person who works as a tow truck operator. When Jennifer came out as transgender, she stopped receiving calls to come work and she left that company and started searching for a new one.

In applying at a new company Jennifer wrote: Good day.

I worked for City Wide Towing American Auto Towing and Commerce Auto Group from August 2014 until June 2019 with less than a week off total between jobs. I left Commerce because I was sitting around not getting called. This started happening when it came out I am transgender. I am in transition now but still very capable of doing the job. I don't want to waste my time coming down to fill out an application if that is a problem. If you are interested I'm in need of work but will not pretend to be who I am not for it.

Thank you for your consideration, Jennifer “aka David”

61

Jennifer got the job and her moment was when her new boss said, “I could tell from your original email you are someone who has gone through hell. I am not perfect and I don't understand all of this but I hope I don't cause you any more heartache and pain.”

Thank you Jennifer for your courage and bravery and thank you to your new boss, for her respect and empathy. You both just put a little more love into the world in this Bursting Through Moment.

If you liked this Bursting Through Moment and would like to see more, you can watch Moments on our YouTube channel by using the links below.

Play THE COUSIN

Play THE NEPHEW

Play THE TOWN

Play THE SINGER

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Mannequins & Queers

story from Lisa

Mannequins and Queers is one in a series of interviews by Connections Editor/Bursting Through Founder Steve Petersen exploring diversity in the workplace.

Workplace Diversity and Inclusion (DEI) is complex at best. When I think about the never ending journey to workplace equality, my thoughts are wide reaching.

Lisa It’s empowering to know there has been some progress made but it’s frustrating to think about how slow that progress has been on a subject that is far from new.

But what are the workplace dynamics like for a straight salesperson who has a lot of queer clients? What does workplace equality mean through her lens? Is there a difference between her straight and queer clients?

To find out, I asked Lisa, a heterosexual, cisgender women and Vice President at Siegel & Stockman Mannequins. She recently celebrated 20 years leading marketing and creative services for this 150 year old French based company.

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Q. What is your first thought when you hear things like “Workplace Equality?” or “Diversity and Inclusion” at work? Do these phrases have real meaning or are they just buzz/ trendy words?

A.

My first thought is that there is so much further to go. The push back on addressing equality, diversity and inclusion, usually is from the very people unaffected with struggles for them.

As a woman in business, I have bumped my head. I have found myself having to actively seek diversity, and making choices purposefully to include a range of people in the business and networking roles I am involved with.

I often find myself shaking my head at the lack of voices promoted still to this day. There needs to be better awareness of the harm caused by the optics of this sameness promoted as representation.

Q. The industry you work with includes a lot of Queer clients. When you were young in your career, what made you OK or comfortable with that? AND now through the lens of experience and time how has it changed?

A.

I think because I went to art school in the late 80’s is where I worked through my comfort and ease with the LGBTQ community. I met, worked and lived alongside many from that community, once I knew the people that identified as queer it was just a fact of who they are, no more than that.

64

I will not pretend that I didn’t have stigmas to overcome, and being a teen during the beginning of the AIDS crisis was a lot to take in.

I can look back and see that I made mistakes along the way, I would own that.

My industry in the field of visual display is a funny one, what was once a very hedonistic industry is now very tame. It tends to be an industry that is very fluid in that everyone fit in, but still run by mostly cisgender men. The hedonism has been replaced with more professional approaches. I think because there was such a bacchanal attitude allowed for diversity and acceptance. The industry has always been small, allowing for relationships to be formed for decades.

Something Lisa learned from experience

Q. From what you have seen, do you think the Queer experience at work is just like the

Straight experience? Meaning, from your perspective, do Queer executives and team members get treated the same as their straight colleague? Is that difference always in the room?

A.

In my office, I would say yes. it is too small and informal for anyone not to have a place at the table. In the industry at large, I see executives from the queer community.

Transgender is not visible yet and we are not very racially diverse. Retail is a tough industry now, but there is room, and acceptance.

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Q. When you think back on your relationship with your Queer clients, what surprises you the most about the relationship?

A.

I would like to point out what doesn’t surprise me, what close relationships I have with many of my clients. I came to realize what being in the Visual Industry has provided in my social group.

Every friendship I have is a product of this industry or one degree from it.

I love my community.

Mannequins at work

Q. If you were in charge of workplace culture at every large corporation in the US, what three things would you change to make the culture truly inclusive?

A.

I think getting to students in high school and college is where workplace culture finds its way to a broader spectrum. Letting kids know what options are available to them at a younger age, and welcoming them then instead of at the interview.

I often address students and try to tell them that there are countless paths to finding happiness. There are so many allies that would jump at the chance to mentor or advise on finding that place.

66

Thank you Lisa for sharing your professional wisdom and personal insights into workplace diversity.

Your compassion, honesty and thoughtfulness on this topic comes through with every answer and makes it clear that your company and clients have an asset in you.

LISA: Kind Hearted Human, Industry Leader, Fiery Ally, Innovative Thinker, Quirky Friend and Bursting Through Member.

If you have ever been curious about the mannequins business, click on this link

Seigel & Stockman 67

Knowledge 53% of LGBTQ+ workers report hearing jokes about lesbian or gay people at least once in a while.

46% of LGBTQ+ workers said they were closeted at work.

1-in-5 LGBTQ workers report having been told or had coworkers imply that they should dress in a more feminine or masculine manner.

The top reason LGBTQ workers don't report negative comments they hear about LGBTQ people to a supervisor or human resources?

They don't think anything would be done about it and they don't want to hurt their relationships with coworkers.

Power

To learn more about workplace diversity, follow an expert

Shannon Wong Lerner, Ph.D 68

CLICK TO LEARN ABOUT PRIDE RUN SERIES 69

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