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Not Him

The secretary welcomed her boss back to the office after his vacation period, and asked where he went.

"Well," he said, "a friend of mine invited me up to his hunting lodge, a quiet, secluded spot, no night life, no parties, not a woman within a hundred miles."

The secretary asked, "Did you have a good time?"

He glared at her in surprise. "Who went?" he snorted.

Reducing Exercises

Screen man Jack Carson, just back from a vacation, was telling some tall fishing stories. One of them was about a giant fish he landed. "My muscles of sinewy steel were more than a match for that mighty denizen of the deep," he declared. "f landed the ferocious monster after three hours struggle."

'Ferocious monster," jeered nephew Tugwell. "I saw a picture of that fish and it wasn't a foot long."

"All right," said Carson. "But remember, in three hours of fighting a fish can lose a lot of weight."

The Test

I take no man at rumor's price, Nor as the gossips cry him, A son may ride, and strike and stand, His father's eye, his father's handHis father's tongue may give command, But, ere f trust-I'll try him.

Eugene Debs

Eugene Debs was a man with whom the majority of men disagreed in many ways; yet there must have been wondrous good in him that Irving Stone should write about him in the following words:

"Ife was always tired, always underfed, needing sleep and quiet, but he never stopped; there was so much work to be done. There was no such thing as meeting him for the first time. Were you not part of humanity? Then he had always loved you. When he stood on a platform, doubled over at the waist like a jack-knife, his enormously long arms wide outstretched to reach his entire audience, as though it were one human being, to pull up against his bosom, he glowed as radiantly as a blazing stove in winter. The lonely, the blind, the unhappy, the dispossessed thronged about to warm their fingers at his fire."

Affectionctely

The two gangsters stood at the bar.

"Life sure is funny," said the first one, thoughtfully. "The boss pays me to beat up people he don't like, and yet f go round beatin' up my wife for nothin !"

The other gangster drained his glass thoughtfully. "You beat up your wife for nothin'?" he work so cheap?"

The first gorilla shook his head. love her."

Ad Bhymes

said. "Why do you "Because," he said, "I

The other day we wrote a man suggesting that he advertise in this journal, and he, being of a literary turn of mind and not wanting us to think we could sell him at the first offer, replied:

"The heights the great have won and kept, Like heaven, were not won in single bound, But they-while others dreamed and sleptWere hewing the path their feet had found."

We understood that he meant we couldn't grab him the first round, so we replied:

"You're wrong, old Scout, this is no up-hill spree, That I must fight while others bat their lids; It's easy sledding down the hill, you see?

So send an ad and help me grease the skids."

But he wasn't to be grabbed so easily, for he replied:

"The call for an ad is keen, I see, And while I am no Pharisee.

The lack of cash preventeth me, Which makes me very Sadducee."

Of course we wouldn't let him have the last word. so we wrote:

"We hate to see you Sadducee, For want of filthy lucre-e-e, So, if you'll tell your wants, you'lI seeI'll slip a little loan to thee."

He hasn't answered that one, but we don't despair. Some of these days he'll write and say:

"The yard stock market's looking fine, Timbers are not so bad, Your live wire sheet is on the line, We'll take a full page ad."

Her Mistake

"I sat down to my typewriter and wrote him a long letter, trying to get things straight between us, and I haven't heard from him since," said one steno to her friend. "So," said the friend, "you had to go and open your big typewriter and spoiled it all."

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