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He Wos $ure

Two backwoodsmen knocked at the door of a backwoods house, and when a man opened the door one of them said: ttYep.t'

"Hello, Ed. We come across the dead body of a man over there in the valley, and we thought maybe it was you."

"That so? What did he look like?"

"Well, he was about your build."

"Have on a flannel shirt?"

"Wearin' knee or hip boots?"

"Hip boots."

"Hip boots, eh?" said the man, thinking it over. .,Nope, it wasn't me."

Preliminory Round

My drive was strong and my drive was long, And I placed it exactly right; And my brassie, too, through the ozone few, As straight as an arrow's flight. My lie was mean, but I pitched the green, And almost hit the pin; And with eyes half-shut, I tapped my putt, And watched it trickle in.

(Now if I'm that hot when I play each shot From an easy chair in my den, Just think of my pace and the pars I'll erase, When I'm out playing golf again.)

' Double Tolk

"Wish we had a fifth for bridge."

"You don't need a fifth for bridge, you dope."

{You mean a pint would do?"

A Wise Reprimond

An enlisted man passed a lieutenant colonel of the Medical Corps on the street, looked him right in the eye and failed to salute. The colonel called the soldier back and, instead of eating him out for breach of discipline, he said:

"Soldier, I saw you walking down the street toward me and I thought 'Here's another chance for me to salute a fellow soldier.' I wanted to salute you because I think we are the best army in the world, and I'm proud of every one of my fellow soldiers. But you didn't salute me and it hurt just a little bit. You're not ashamed of being a soldier in our arrny, are you?"

It took the soldier's breath'?way. After a moment, he said: "Just a moment, Sir." He walked back about twenty feet, turned around and cime back, and gave the colonel a swell military salute, flashed a grin, and said:

"Thank you, sir."

No Gompony Wqnted

"The doctor book says that bathing alone will not keep you healthy."

"Well, no matter what it says, I'll still bathe alone.,'

Meet the Snork

Ernie Wqles

For the benefit of those who do not know the present Snark of the Hoo-Hoo lJniverse, who. was elected at the Atlanta annual late last year, here is a brief biography of Brother Ernie L. Wales, 45412l.

-

Snark Wales is manager of the Wales Lumber Company, Spokane, Wash.; secretary of the C. G. Bennett Lumber Co., St. Regis, Mont., and board chairman of Storer & Flightner, in Darby, Mont. Ife has had several high Hoo-Hoo positions-president and vicegerent snar[ of the Spokarie club, staie deputy snark of Idaho, and member of the Supreme 9 for three years.

Ernie Wales and his wife are the parents of two boys, 15 and 13, at their Spokane home. He is assistant scoutmaster of a Spokane Boy Scout troop. He rvas born in the sawmill town of Sandpoint, Idaho; worked in the mill and yard of the Ohio Match Co. of Spokane a_nd Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, until associating with the Wales Lumber Co. as bookkeeper and sales-man in 1935. Later he became a partnei in the company and took over the management in 1949. Snark Wales is a director of the National-American Wholesale Lumber Assn. and a member of the Moulding committee of the Western Pine Association.

An Old-Foshioned

Says Tom Dreier: "An old-fashioned is a sissy drink, a veritable fruit salad lashed with a little whiskey, whereas a martini is on the intoxicating side, designed not for dueling purposes but for the express purpose of stimulating thi appetite and uplifting the soul of the weary, and chasing away the fatigue caused by honest labor. The old-fashioned was and is a tipple dreamed up by some female who liked fruit better than she did'liquor. Who else could conceive the idea of drinking gobs of pineapple, sections of orange, and a lone and cheerless cherry in honest liquor. It's a meal, and not a drink."

A Secret Moybe

"Have you any children?" the lady asked the new cook. "Yessum, I got one son."

"How old is he?"

"I dunno, Mam. He nevah would tell me."

Her Pocketbook

By Ellen B. Endicott

Comfortably seated in the train, with air absorbed and very vain, she opened wide her pocketbook, and on her lap she gently shook a comb, some gum, a bit of rouge, a clipping from the Daily News, some hairpins stuck into a net, a bright green manicuring set, a fountain pen, a safety pin, some soda mints, some aspirin, a handkerchief, some perfume, too, a pair of gloves, some stockings new, some lipstick, and a mirror fine, some black to help the eyebrow line; she looked them over, one by one, touched up her lips; when this was done, she looked again, and, O despair, her railroad ticket wasn't there.

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