WEST OREGON TUMBER GOMPANY

trected

ilacllonald & Harrington, Ltd.

Wholesole

New Yeqr's Morn

Good Morning, my bright international mate, My outetanding genius in problems of state, I trugt all is clear in that wonderful mind, Which last night remodeled the whole of mankind.

Yortr handling of China, the Ruhr, Palestine, And China, and Greece-it was masterly-fineYou're sure to be named as "The Man of the Year," Here'g four or five aspirins-swallow them, dear.

Awake my fine songster; it's well on toward noon, All morning I've waited, just hoping you'd croon A measure from "Chloe" or "Deep Rolling Sea," Which last night you warbled till half after three.

You wakened the neighbors, you tripped on the mat, And one of your props was your hostess's hat; I'm sure she will want you again for tonightThe life of the party whenever you're tight.

Arise, my sweet Prince, but be careful, don't skid, Arise and consider the things that you did; The uprooted garden, the splintered garage, It sounded just like an old-fashioned barrage.

Go call on your hostess-and carry a check; I think if you signed it just "Pain in the neck" The bank will okay it-t'would be just like youThe clown rvent berserk twixt the dawn and the dew.

So drink up that seltzer, you chattering drone, It's said to be good for a splintering dome. I wish I was Sandow, how far I would throw you ! For the next thirty days please pretend f don't know you.

Envoi: My juvenile jackass-my dim-witted dufferYou say you feel awful? Well dawgonya-suffer!

-Author Unknown.

How It Sounds To Him

"Did you ever hear anything quite so wonderful?" cried out sixteen year old Daisy Mae, at the end of a radio program that featured a trumPet.

"No," said her father, "I never did. Although I heard something near it. ft was a collision between a truck load of empty milk cans and a freight car filled with live ducks."

Associctes

Remember, pure gold is not spoiled by associates. It can be refined to the same 24 carats of perfection, whatever its origin. All that is necessary is to rid the gold of its associates that are not gold.

Compensation

When my luck seems all out, And I'm down in the mouth, Whcn I'm stuck in thc North And I want to go South, When the world secms a blank And there's no one I love, And it seems even God's Not in heaven above; I've a cure for my grouch And it works like a shot, I just think of the things I am glad I am not: A bird in a cage, A fish in a bowl, A pig in a pen, A fox in a hole, A bear in a pit, A wolf in a trap, A fowl on a spit, A rug on a lap, A horse in a stable, A cow in a shed, A plate on a table, A sheet on a bed, A case on a pillow, A bell on a door, A branch on a willow. A mat on a floor, When I think of the hundreds Of things I might be, f get down on my knees, And thank God that I'm me. Then my blues disappear, When I think what I've got,' And soon I've forgotten The things f have not.

-Elsie Janis.

Mcrster OI Mqnners

The late President Frances Madero, of Mrexico, was a small man, and somewhat sensitive about it' Once when he was about to be photographed with his cabinet, Abraham Gonzales, Secretary of State, was required to stand by him.

Madero lifted his eyes to' the face of the tall Gonzales and, observing his great height, r'emarked: "I feel that my size will not show to advantage unless we are seated."

"Your Excellency," said Gonzales, "if you could only stand on your wisdom you would dwarf us all."

"Well said," replied Madero, with a smile, t'provided you did not stand on your courtesy at the same time'"-Adrian Anderson.

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