fomily rness Letting go is a two-way s$"tggt*"

QUCCESSION problems are usual\)ly characterized as the parental generation's struggle to let go of authority, responsibility, and control and pass the baton to the next genera-

Quolity Western

tion. Certainly, those problems can be dauntingly real and frightening to almost all business-owning parents. We find that a parent's greatest fear is loss of power in the family.

What happens if a family is in conflict or a family member is in need?

Parents often feel that keeping control of the business and its purse strings provides extra strength in addressing potential family problems.

But we believe succession and letting go is a two-way street. One family business successor's insighs clarified the lesson for us. "It was my expectations that made the power struggle so painful for me," he explained. "My parents rightly were upset by my expectations of them. And the longer I held on to those expectations, the more they fought letting go."

He then described several expectations that we find are widespread among next generation members of business-owning families. They include:

. Entitlement: The expectation that the next generation deserves what the parents have.

Fairness: The expectation that parents should treat each sibling clearly equally.

. Perfection: The expectation that the parents should take all the initiative and provide all the wisdom in letting go.

. Responsibility: The expectation that parents should straighten out conflicts among the offspring.

Parents who have these expectations, or who accept them from their children, inevitably face great frustration. Next generation members who cling to these expectations retard their own growth and development.

Even as they complain of inadequate progress toward succession, next generation actions can subvert the process. Each time one sibling complains to parents about another, succession is slowed. Every time sib-' lings need parental help to solve prob' lems among themselves, they slow succession. Every time a member of the next generation asks parents for financial resources to help support lifestyle or personal need, succession slows. tr"rlnl lrt Ar.r tontrrrtail rhrr lllf

Part of succession and personal maturity is letting go of the expectations one has towards one's parents. When successors hold four beliefs, we find that they are able to let go of problematic expectations. Then they can more comfortably negotiate the inevitable trials of generational transition.

Appreciate that their parents are not perfect.

Accept parents for who they are, with respect and love.

Understand that life isn't fair.

Assume personal responsibility for their own life, security, and identity.

We aren't sure which comes first, but we find that parents' ability to let go of power correlates with the next generation's ability to let go of emotional expectations of their parents. As one successor concluded, "When I assume personal responsibility for who I am and for my own success, my parents can't wait to support me. They seem to draw on my strength. It helps them."

Parents let go best when they are economically secure and believe they have a duty to pass the family business to future generations.

Children let go best when they are competent, selfreliant, and eager to assume leadership responsibility.

- Dr. Craig E. Aronoff is a co-founder and principal with The Family Business Consulting Group Inc., Marietta, Ga.; (800) 551-0633. He can be reached at aronoff@efamilybusiness.com. Reprinted with permission from the Family Business Advisor, a copyrighted publication of Family Enterprise Publishers. No portion of this article may be reproduced without permission of Family Enterprise Publishers.

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