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Fathers And Sons

(Continued from Page 16) major roofing manufacturer, where he would be working for a "big" firm, enjoying the divided responsibilities, nine-to-five hours, and a predictable, well-ordered life which he fullY exoected to find. ofsnnvnrtoN: Thislfather and son never discussed what each wanted from life or their business. The son was not complaining about the smallness of the comPanY, but expressing a longing for an idealistic never-never land of big business which his professors had described. Actually, he was afraid of individual responsibility: rather than being ambitious, he wanted nothing but the warm, well-ordered cocoon he hoped to find in a giant company. So the father risked his business, his financial security, and his own future on a venture which grew from a blend of his own fantasies and misinterpretation of the "meaning" of his son's thoughtless remarks.

CASE HISTORY #2

Much to his elderly father's delight, this son (37) finally asked him for a job in his small chain of western building material stores (when the son was laid off from his job as a salesman with a distributor).

The father quickly put him to work, overhauling their purchasing, billing and office procedures, and loaded him with trade magazines to study nights.

But the communication channels between the two had been rusted shut for years. In less than a year, the son quit to take a job with another distributor. This upset his surprised father so much that he called in a consultant to see what had gone wrong.

The answer was simple: the father had expected his son to spend "6 or 8 years learning the business, so he could take over when I retire."

But the son felt that he had alreadY learned enough in a few months to qualify for managing one of his father's storesl when this did not happen, he left.

These two men never once discussed why the son worked for his father, why his father wanted him in the business, or what each one expected from the other.

CASE HISTORY #3

Communication is a two-way street. Although sons more frequently shut out their fathers, sometimes it is the father who closes himself off from his son.

One son is administrative head of a building-supply dealer owned by his father. After the son worked with the firm for a number of years, the father went back to doing what he actuallY liked best of all, running the lumber yard.

But he owns the business and signs all the checks (but refuses to talk business after hours), so he and his son hold their business conversations in the sawing shed. Whenever the son brings up a subject which his father would prefer not to discuss (which is often, since the son is pushing for reasonably modern business methods) the father just starts up the swing saw.

COMMENTS:

The world is full of talk, but short on frankness, and listening. Most conversation does not really consist of two people talking and listening to each other. It is merely two peoPle talking and then waiting their tum to talk again. There is a surplus of thoughtless, vain, overbeoing, and misleading or dishonest talk und never enough eamestness and honesty, with a man's true thoughts temPered only by normal politeness, tact, and an appreciation of the other person's feelings. Such talking is necessary if a marriage is to survive, or a partnership last, or a father and son to become a team, Ironically, although it isusually the son who throws up the conversation barrier, it is the father who must eventually tear it down. And it is not easy for a father to take hat in hand, so to speak, and begin to build a fiendship with his own son. A father's sense of ightness, supported by an ordinnry amount of adult pide, makes him feel that his son should come to him.

Unfortunat ely, this seldom happens (and when it does, it is all too often an attuck rather than a groping for under' standing), so the father approaches his son - and does everything wrong. The "Let's have a talk, my boy", is dead wrong. Stay away from the onceominous man-to-man beginning, and

(Please turn to page 44 )