Making your mark

fr ooes Nor MATTER who you are or what you do, whether in your private life or lbusiness life. impressions matter. It can be near impossible to undo a bad first impression. We all know that, but I wonder how often something goes wrong and by the time we realize it, it's too late and we can only sit wondering what happened.

Hopefully, most of my first impressions with people are generally positive, but there are times I wonder why did I do that, why did I say that, or how could I get it so wrong? And that's after 35 years of executive experience!

The reality is that we have but a few seconds to make an impression count. When we speak with someone new, how we look, sound and act are immediately scrutinized, and opinions are formed and decisions are made. A good impression puts you in good standing to achieve your goal. A bad one closes just about any deal-but, unfortunately, against you. And, sadly, most of the time, we don't even know why.

There have been times when someone made a good impression with me on the phone, but when I invited them for a face-to-face, I knew immediately that they were not right and then had to spend an hour going through the ritual of pretending. The reality is that I have rarely had someone change my mind. And, the fact is that I am no different than most of us.

Many of us solidify our impression of someone in the first 30 seconds. Come up to me with a simple smile and the intent of being there for a purpose, and that starts things off right. Looking like you have been on a bender or wearing your casual clothes when we are all in jackets, or vice versa, does not bode well for the future. Find out what is appropriate from others (or even the receptionist) ahead of time. Tripping over your tongue with your first words, arriving late, or not calling someone when you promised adds to the bad impression. Having all of these traits correct except one can still turn good into bad. The problem is that every individual acts differently. For example, one of my main issues is tardiness without a really good reason. I cannot stand being late myself and I expect the same of others. The trouble is no one would know that about me, so again how do you know if you have made a bad impression?

Some might try to be someone they are not, especially in an interview situation, but the best is to be yourself. Even if you fool someone the first time, you will be found out. For myself, I know who I am, what I am good at, what I am not, and if I am not right for something, so be it. I am confident in myself, and if I am not right for someone, I take the view that it is best I find that out first and not after wasting tons of time.

I hope I am good at putting people at ease. As someone who never holds anything back, I am an open book (possibly one of my faults, too). Projecting a positive attitude that is rational without overdoing it goes a long way in giving confidence to those around you.

I find that in the last l0 years, manners have gone by the board. I can say for myself that is something that I watch and observe closely. Being attentive, courteous and polite go a long way in my book. Texting, calling on your cell, looking around the room, looking bored, and being distracted do not make a good impression.

Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth; do not waffle around being afraid to give me bad news. Say "no" to me instead of having me make four calls and send five emails. Let me know where I stand. Maybe there is a chance to put something right, but unless you tell me, I most likely will never know. Listen to what someone has to say, do not tune out, and pay heed to the signs that you have switched them off.

Impressions do count, more than we know. A mistake of a few seconds may well last a lifetime!