LBTTDRS

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WHIR, CLICK, ZZZZ,BUZZ

One of the first calls was answered by a real live person, but they could only put me through to the callee's voice mail, thank you, have a nice day, good-bye, bzzzzzzzz. (see April editorial, p. 6) Having just spent the better part of the last hour in voice mail jail and having suffered telephone torture far beyond any reasonable limit to cruel and unusual punishment; lest a postmortem not reveal the cause of my untimely demise...

The helpful booklet just said to call l800-WE HELP U (changed to protect me from their further wrath) if something goes wrong with your brand new electronic organizer. But after a long suffering, fruitless trek through "push button # for help with...," finally we arrived at the prompt, "please call l-800-WE HELP U, for further customer assistance." You know it's the same number, but you call back anyway. After all, you probably made a mistake, is your preconditioned inferiority complex response.

After the third, fourth or fifth return to the loop (depending on the depth of your preconditioned inferiority complex response), you slam down the phone with the same righteous, indignant anger invoked when you're cut off on the freeway during rush hour. In a rage, you extract from the local (anywhere within 600 miles) directory a phone number for any corporation with at least three of the same letters in its name as the offendins one and you call them to extract your pound of revenge. After all, this is the land of the free and the home of the brave.

But they are ready for you. A real person sweetly answers the call and apologizes, "We are so sorry, we have a lot of calls about that line. Please call 1-800WE HELP 2, and at the prompt push 2, and at the prompt push 6, and at the prompt push 2, and at the prompt push 0, and at the prompt push 0, and then ask for Mr. I. Help, got that? Thank you and have a nice day, good-bye." Click,bzzzzzz.

What other choice do you have? Your organizer is still broken. You call. You get a recording: "Sorry we missed you. Please call between 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. Eastem time."

We must be in our final death spiral, having transitioned and left smooth and level flight forever. The pompous, selfserving, madding electronic drivel that has been substituted for customer service has reached its bony hand out to pull us down to the lower regions, from which there will only be heard, weeping and gnashing ofteeth. There are faceless techno-weenie wizards who are taking over from the number-crunching modern business school grads (or maybe that's what bean counters have evolved into) and seem to now control the upper ofhces of marketing, and therefore, our poor, unworthy, miserable lives.

My last call of the day - to obtain some simple account information - started out: "Please enter your l0-digit social security number, followed by..." and left me with "...and someone will call back as soon as it's convenient."

Alas. I fear we are lost.

Dennis Richardson

Oregon-Canadian Forest Products of Califomia

2284 N. Glassell St., Suite #B Orange, Ca.92665

EN ROUTE to a tour of Georgia-Pacific's Fort Bragg, Ca., lumber mill and nursery: (1) Scott Gill,-Faul Moe. (2) Mike Gary, driver'Captain Bob, Leo Giragosian. (3) Eric Giddion, John Farrar, Mark Fanar, Dick Jessup. (4) Edgar Chang, Steve Miller, Jeff LeMaitre, Jason Lau,

Mark Williams.

Tony

Lon Conti, John Hokanson, Pete Caprio, Andrew Romanoff. (6) Donn Zea, Jim Merchant. (7) Kyle Thayer, LuAnn Hitzeman, Doree Freedman, Carl Weissensee. (8) Dan Archer, Max McGuinness, Nick Bach. (9) Leonard Simas,

T,om Boswell, Jelf Mundy, Phillipe Monjauze. Jim Merchant's Mill Val[ev Lumber Co.. Mill Valley, Ca., hosted the lpiit S trip lor builders and architects that also included seminars on engineered wood products and timber supply.

Manufacturers of Quality Glulam Beams since 1977

NORTHERN California dealers prepare for a day of hearings, legislative appointmenls and intormation on bills that affect them at the State iabitol in Sacramento, Ca., durinq the Lumber Merchants Association's firsi Leoislative Dav. Nearly 30-dealers attended the March 28 getaquainied session. Two w6eks earlier, 10 LMA members joined. over 20d lumber dealers from around the country at the National Lumber & Building Material Dealers Association'i Legislative Leadership Conference in Washington, D.C.

High-Tech 3-D ForestryExhibit

The Temperate Forest Foundation has produced an interactive multimedia exhibit to illustrate the benefits of manased forests.

Themed "The Miracle Resource," the l0 ft. wide by 6 ft. deep modular exhibit has four components: a video module (Super VHS deck, amplifier, speakers, 2'7" monitor), interactive module (computer, speakers, 17" touchsensitive monitor), hands-on module (Mystery Doors), and murals (backdrop, etc.).

The first exhibit, built of oak with a fir light bridge, is being installed at the World Forestry Center, Portland, Or. Additional exhibits can be produced in any kind of wood for about $30,000 each and placed in learning centers, museums, major trade shows and other settings.

"We would like to see industry associations work to get an exhibit into regional settings," said foundation president and ceo Robert Legg. "'Ihey might even elect to purchase one just to keep on the road in their territories' Future videos or software would plug right into the exhibit."

The foundation is attempting to get an exhibit displayed at the Portland International Airpcrt.