State of the Union 2013

SPECIAL BRIDAL & WEDDING GUIDE

Planning a day

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February 17, 2013

State of the Union ❧

Berthoud Weekly Surveyor • February 17, 2013 Page 3

INDEX Bachelor/bachelorette parties...4 Wedding timetable ....................4 Finding the perfect venue .........6 Did you know? ...........................6 Music made for marriage..........8 Secrets for a long marriage ....10 The name change game ..........10

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State of the Union ❧

The evolution of the bachelor/bachelorette party

A

s weddings have grown more elaborate over the years, so have the pre-parties. With so many folks waiting until their late 20s Surveyor and 30s to get Columnist married, couples have the funds available for bigger weddings and crazier parties — and they are splurging.

Bachelors have been celebrating Heidi their last night Kerr-Schlaefer as single men since the time of the Spartans, while the bachelorette party is a relatively newer phenomenon.

Stag parties, as bachelor parties are referred to elsewhere in the English speaking world, were originally a

Wedding Timeline Nine — twelve months • Visit clergy to discuss service and facility.

• Start working on a guest list.

• Work up a budget.

• Find a reception site • Choose your attendants.

• Shop for reception entertainment.

Six — nine months • Book your caterer.

• Book your photographer/videographer.

• Shop for your wedding gown.

• Plan ceremony music; select musicians.

• Shop for your honeymoon.

Four — six months • Order invitations and party favors.

• Make sure all deposits have been made and contracts signed.

• Shop for groom’s and groomsmen’s tuxedos.

• Organize accommodations for out-oftown guests.

• Select a florist.

to hold some dinner given by sort of gatherthe groom for his ing in honor of friends. the bride-to-be, Over the such as a wedyears, these parding shower, ties got a little the bachelorette crazier. One noparty didn’t come torious stag party about until the was that of P.T. 1960s and, even Barnum’s grandthen, the first son in 1896. The party-planning party he threw book about bachfor his brother elorette parties was raided by wasn’t published police because until 1998. they had received Las Vegas has information that been a popua famous belly Photo by Heidi Kerr-Schlaefer lar destination dancer was going A bachelorette party in the Ozarks. The for both men to perform at parties shall remain nameless to protect and women to the event in the the innocent. pre-party before nude. the big day. It has even inspired huge Called a hen’s night in the United comedy hits such as “The Hangover.”

Kingdom, the bachelorette party Debauchery is synonymous with Vegas doesn’t have the same long and wild and with bachelor and bachelorette history as the bachelor party. While it parties, so it seems to be a match was common throughout the centuries made in heaven.

However, Vegas isn’t the only place • Finalize arrangements for church and brides and grooms are flocking for one ceremony. last hurray before they tie the knot.

Two — four months New York, N.Y., is popular with brides • Address invitations. Send out six-eight who want to indulge in shopping and weeks prior.

• Buy attendants’ gifts.

• Select a baker and order wedding cake.

• Buy wedding rings.

• Buy accessories (cake knife, toasting glasses, guest book, etc.).

• Make plans and reservations for wedding rehearsal and dinner.

One — two months • Arrange final bridal and attendants’ gowns fittings.

• Confirm all reservations for ceremony, reception and honeymoon.

• Obtain marriage license.

Two weeks • Pick up all gowns and accessories.

• Make sure photographer and/or videographer has a list of photos and events to be captured.

• Make sure musicians have the music specified.

One week • Confirm seating arrangements and final count.

• Have rehearsal and dinner.

• Pack for honeymoon.

• Relax and get plenty of rest.

Remember, you have planned for this event with the help of many qualified individuals. On this, the most exciting day of your life, concentrate on being happy, no matter what happens. Enjoy the new life you are beginning with your true love.

luxury, while South Beach, Miami is a place for bikinis and nightlife.

It may not be everyone’s idea of a good time, but co-ed parties are becoming more and more popular. A weekend in Mexico, where the girls do the spa and the boys do the bar is one option, while others choose to rent a house and boat for a weekend in a place like the Ozarks.

“If you have the same friends as your spouse, it really makes sense,” said Kiki Soule, who threw a co-ed bachelor/bachelorette party at the Lake of the Ozarks. “The Lake of the Ozarks is all about no frills laid back good times. If you are looking for a co-ed party involving bar hopping via motorboat, drinking in your swimsuit and being with loved ones, then take a trip to the Lake of the Ozarks for a sometimes not so wholesome fun in the sun.”

So whether you are planning a lowkey backyard barbeque or an off-thehook Vegas shindig, remember, what happens at these parties should never be shared on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram. It should only be shared 20 years from now when the memories are a bit blurry and the kids aren’t in the room.

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Location, location, location

By Heidi Kerr-Schlaefer The Surveyor Finding the perfect place to hold a wedding is often a couple’s first priority when it comes to planning their big day.

Not until they find the ideal location can the rest of the wedding coordination can take place — after all, the location dictates a lot of things, like style and quantity of decorations.

While some couples are happy with a standard hotel ballroom wedding, more and more people are looking for a unique location to tie the knot; a place that personifies them as a couple and represents what they love. Perhaps they enjoy nature, so the ideal setting will be an outdoor location. Others seek some-

thing western, or Coloradan, while still others want a place with rustic charms.

Libby Bryant wanted to find a special place to marry her sweetheart, Paul Bryant. She searched website after website, but couldn’t find anything that was unique enough to suit her tastes.

“I was new to Colorado and was looking for somewhere that would not only reflect the personalities of my fiancé and me, but would also offer a unique experience to our guests. It was a frustrating nightmare trying to find the right fit,” said Bryant. “I hated the wedding resources out there, like The Knot.

They are cluttered with bad venues and outdated photos — and I wasn’t looking for a typical ballroom or an expensive elaborate venue, so it was hard.”

Bryant soon discovered, by browsing online wedding chat forums, that she was not alone.

Other brides complained about the difficulty of finding a unique wedding venue. This experience led to Bryant’s creation of VenuePlease. com.

The website went live in May of 2012, and Courtesy photo

An outdoor gazebo at Butterfly Pavilion in Westminster holds 20 guests and has a small $250 fee.

Did you know...?

For decades the month of June held firm as the most popular month for weddings. But statistics now indicate that there may be shifting preferences in the time of the year for marriages. According to The National Center for Health Statistics, July and August are now the most popular months for tying the knot in the United States. September and October have also gained momentum as premier months. Explanations for this shift vary, but it may have something to do with changing weather patterns and warmer weather now arriving later in the season than in the past. Also, getting married later in the year may make it easier for couples to secure their first choice of wedding venues.

Hurricanes and tropical storms are commonplace during the months when many weddings take place. The Atlantic hurricane season runs from June 1 to November 30 each year. It may be prudent for those who will be traveling for honeymoons during this season to purchase travel insurance to safeguard against potential trip cancellations. Be sure to ask what will happen if your honeymoon destination should become uninhabitable by a storm. Inquire if the trip can be cancelled when there is a hurricane warning issued. Be sure to purchase adequate insurance to protect you should the trip be cancelled.

there are already 80 fascinating venues showcased on the site. The majority of the venues are located in Colorado.

However, Bryant’s connections on the East Coast have led to some listings in the D.C. and New York City areas.

VenuePlease.com only showcases places with a primary function that is different from their availability as an event venue. According to Bryant, this is a strict rule, because it keeps every venue on the site interesting.

“If you are looking for a generic ballroom, we’re not the resource for you,” she said.

For example, VenuePlease.com lists places like art galleries, museums, working ranches, music venues, historic parks, bars, night clubs, ghost towns, and even a showroom full of collectable cars and motorcycles.

Bryant works to keep her website clean and easy to browse. Guests to the site won’t be distracted by advertisements for cake toppers, wedding dresses or flowers. VenuePlease.com ranks their featured venues similar to Yelp, by giving them a star rating based on reviews by site users.

“That way the venues that are getting featured at the top are there based on merit, not based on their marketing budget,” explained Bryant.

State of the Union ❧

Courtesy photo

This Washington Park studio will host 125 people for about $1,400.

VenuePlease.com is active in social media and is represented on sites such as Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

The site also has an active blog where Bryant writes about all sorts of wedding and event-related subjects.

If you know of a unique venue that allows events to be held on the premises, you can submit it directly to VenuePlease.com. Call Libby Bryant directly at 800-883-4077. You can also e-mail her at info@venueplease.com.

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Music made for marriage N

o wedding reception is complete without romantic music and cheesy ballads to accompany the newly wedded couple and their guests as Surveyor they sway in Columnist time — or possibly in direct proportion to their alcohol consumption.

Song lists for the festivities can be just as important as finding the ugliest bridesSusan maid dresses Richards on the market for your “besties.”

Depending on your budget or your love of Adam Sandler movies, you can choose from an mp3 player containing your playlist and blasted from a speaker system, to a professional DJ, to a tuxedoed crooner who may offer his own interesting renditions of the classics. Whichever way, if there’s a party following the nuptials you’ve

gotta have tunes.

The most important song is probably the first dance for the newlyweds.

It should be special to both parties, romantic, and not too long. You don’t want to have to gaze into each other’s eyes eternally while the guests are raiding the open bar.

Some timeless favorites are “I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You,”

by Elvis Presley, “Just the Way You Are,” by Billy Joel, or if you’re a late bloomer, “At Last,” by Etta James.

“Nothing Compares 2 You,” by Sinead O’Connor topped one list of popular wedding songs, but if you’ve actually listened to the lyrics it’s more of an eat-a-gallon-of-ice-creamhe-left-me song than let’s-spend-therest-of-our-days-together.

An informal poll of couples of all ages revealed that people have very personal connections to certain songs, not to mention a marvelous sense of humor. Choices included Boney M’s “Rasputin,” “So Rot” by Subway to Sally, the medal ceremony music from “Star Wars,” and one song from Slayer that gave me nightmares. One woman I know included Queen’s “Another One Bites the

Dust,” at her second wedding, which turned out to be a little too prophetic … six months later. Ah, crazy kids in love. (Google these songs at your own risk.)

In recent years there’s a trend of contemporary songs recorded specifically targeting marrieds-to-be, in case you don’t have the imagination to pull off “#1 Crush” by Garbage.

These heart-melters include “Marry You,” by Bruno Mars, “Marry Me,”

by Train or “Just Say Yes,” by Snow Patrol, all with explicit instructions imbedded in the lyrics. How long do you want to be with your betrothed?

“1.000 Years,” according to Christina Perri.

If you need a little more direction, Amazon and iTunes conveniently provide themed collections and song lists as long as the bride’s train.

Sure, instrumentals or classics like “Here Comes the Bride” are great for the processional music to set the hushed tone of awe for the ceremony, but what a couple dances to — and chooses for their guests to dance to — is what makes memories. Have fun choosing the music for the daughter-father dance, the dance that

State of the Union ❧

Whoa, whoa, whoa, are these the right feelings for your special day?

is guaranteed to spark something between bridesmaid #3 and the best man, or the final song before calling it a night. And maybe for inspiration, kick things off with Pink’s anthem, “Get the Party Started.”

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State of the Union ❧

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Secrets to a long and happy marriage Some might say a long celebrity marriage is one that endures the duration of the newly betrothed’s trip down the aisle. We’ve seen Britney Spears dissolve a marriage after 55 hours and Kim Kardashian call it quits after 72 days. It seems even money can’t buy matrimonial happiness.

But some couples have been together for 50, 60 years and say they’re still as much in love as they were the day they spoke their “I dos.” What do they know that others do not?

According to clinical psychologist and relationship guru Dr. Phil McGraw, “We all need to be flexible and to compromise in marriage, but you’ve got to be true to your core traits and characteristics, what I call your authentic self.” Some couples enter a relationship projecting a persona

The name change dilemma

W

hen it comes to tying the knot there are few topics more polarizing than the issue of the name change. Speaking from personal experience, this My View was a subject that Surveyor caused a bit of Columnist contention when I wed my best friend back in 2002.

Originally, I had no intention of changing my name; after all, I’d been a Kerr for two-and-a-half decades. I had worn my Scottish clan Heidi symbol of the sun Kerr-Schlaefer and sword around my neck for years, and I had grown up proudly attending Scottish festivals. My last name was a huge part of my identity. Changing my last name would have been akin to suddenly having my red hair turn blond.

In addition, I was marrying a Schlaefer, and that’s a good German name, just like my first name. Becoming Heidi Schlaefer wasn’t just distressing because I would lose my Scottish identity, I would gain a new, false one and, as far as I know, I’m not even a little German.

I’ll never forget the conversation I had with my soon-to-be husband. It was over dinner at Dave & Busters, and after the discussion it became apparent to me that comprise was the best solution. He did not like the idea of me keeping my name after we got married, but he seemed perfectly OK with me becoming Kerr-Schlaefer.

It still took me three years into our marriage to go through the agonizing process of getting the official paperwork completed to hyphenate my last name.

It’s not fun, in part because they treat you like a criminal during the name-change process.

The interesting part of my story is that

they believe the other person wants — one that really isn’t what they’re all about. This could be a woman trying to fill the role of her husband’s nurturing mom or a guy playing the protector to his wife. In reality, marriage is more of a partnership, and truth and trust are often at the basis of good marriages.

There are many other “secrets” that marriage experts will offer to couples seeking the magic formula. Whether you’re pondering marriage or have already tied the knot, consider the following advice to make a marriage endure for the long haul. ❧ There’s no such thing as the perfect marriage. Some couples create an image of what they think marriage is supposed to be, and that image that often goes “poof” once reality sets in. my husband’s family still ignores that I have changed my name. I have even received mail from his family members addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Ryan Schlaefer, which leaves me more than a little irritated.

However, after a little research I discovered that their behavior isn’t odd.

In fact, according to a 2009 study I found referenced online, “70 percent of Americans believe a woman should change her name at marriage, and 50 percent believe women should be legally mandated to do so.” Note that the study was done in 2009, not 1959.

An even more thought-provoking study was done by sociology professors at Penn State. They compared data from two surveys, one conducted in 1990 and the other in 2006. The surveys were conducted on 1,000 students at an unidentified Midwestern university. They also asked 369 students at Penn State the same question.

The survey asked whether the student thought that a lack of name change by a woman showed a lack of commitment to the marriage.

Somewhat surprisingly, in 1990 only 2.7 percent of students surveyed agree with the statement that a woman keeping her name was less committed to her marriage, and in 2006 that number had jumped to 10.1 percent.

The authors of the study surmised that this may be due to the increasing polarization between liberal and conservative Americans. A second survey question asked whether the females being questioned were planning on changing their names when they got married and, not surprisingly, the students in the Midwest were much more likely to answer yes than the Penn State students.

In many, many countries it’s tradition for women to keep their names, and I think that if women kept their last names in this country a child would have a better understanding of his or her heritage. How many of us actually remember our grandmother’s last name? I’d guess that very few of us do, and I think that’s a little sad.

However, whatever you choose to do, remember, it’s your choice. It’s not the family’s choice or your fiancé’s choice — it’s entirely yours.

Couples who stay married for decades often put each other first and share a mutual respect.

Even soulmates are bound to frustrate or irritate one another from time to time. ❧ Couples should express their frustrations. Bottling up frustrations can eat at a person and eventually destroy a marriage. Talking about the things that are bothering you with your partner opens up a discussion and can help you work through things. ❧ Divorce should not be seen as a viable option. Couples who want to bail on the marriage at every turn could be directing their energy toward divorce as the only solution instead of discovering ways to remove the cause of strife.

Divorce can sometimes be the easy way out when you think about the work that goes into keeping a marriage working.

Experts say that there are a few issues, like adultery, abuse and drug/alcohol addiction, that may be reasonable catalysts for divorce if personal safety and sanity is being compromised. ❧ Make time for romance. It’s easily said but not so easily done. Too often married couples forget what it was like to date when all of their attention was spent on each other instead of the house, kids, work, etc. Today there seems to be even more distractions, from e-mails to texts

to pressure and obligations at the office.

Happy couples find the time to spend quality time with their spouses — even if that’s only 10 minutes of alone time a day. ❧ Put “we” first. Many people operate on a “me” mentality. When you’re part of a couple, give more to your spouse than you take. If he or she is doing the same, you’re working collectively for the benefit of the marriage instead of yourselves. ❧ Respect each other. Often couples having troubles realize they treat strangers better than they treat each other. Would use the insults or unflattering terms that you sometimes throw at your spouse with a complete stranger?

Probably not. Good marriages are based on a foundation of respect and love. It’s easy to lose feelings of love if the respect is gone.

Couples can realize that there are some thorns that come with the roses of marriage, and staying happy together does take work for it to all be worth it.

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