bucket issue 2

how i'm feeling now to be quite honest, nothing has felt okay since ever. i think i'm pretending to know what's going on for the sake of not raining on anyone's parade or seeming like a wet blanket. i have no idea what's going on, barely know what i'm going to do with my life. sometimes i feel like my idleness is detrimental in me trying to carve out my own future, but is there even a future to look forward to? a friend of mine once told me that the only thing that is real is the present, but i can't help but wish for the gift of foresight to at least try to make sensible the present. i don't know what's going to happen but i am scared to possibly fuck it up. the only thing i know now is that i don't know know where the fuck my lighter is

i have anxiety (big surprise) and the last thing i want is to be in an elevator with someone or people, and all silently going upward, awkwardly moving around to make space for other people in an already cramped. the elevator is a space of emotional regualtion and vanity. one needs to admire themselves in this solitary liminal space before i comfront the reality waiting for me outside of the stainless steel vessel. don't get me started with how some people have the audacity to fart and act like surprise at the stench invading this already putrid confinement. no hard feelings, but take the stairs. the elevator is my domain of quiet contemplation i rarely wish to share with someone else

not holding the elevator

really bad things that i love doing

pineapple

i've been eating a pineapple lately. quite the antagonistic fruit. talk about a fruit that does not want to be eaten. it's crazy how even though it's burning the my skin away. i still can't stop eating. my method lately has been to pry each piece and eating the individual fruits like candy. it tastes so good good, this sour taste undercut by a subtle sweetness. the pineapple's structure with its spikes and sections makes the experience of eating eat completely unique. the flesh refuses to allow you to fully enjoying it by reminding you of its harsh nature. pineapple juice is absolutely amazing and very healthy. a fiesty powerhouse fruit.

food

motion picture corner double feature edition Ganja and Hess is the 1973 film by Bill Gunn about a wealthy archeologist who develops an insatiable hunger for blood after being stabbed with an ancient dagger.

The film is primarily conversations between characters yet it succeeds to capture the authenticity found in interactions with people. The film explores the lengths of forbidden desire without the victimisation of the black experience

Ganja and Hess Sorry to Bother You Feel like selling your soul to a mega corporation? This film is peak afrosurrealism, exploring a man's journey trying to get a job to save his uncle's house and suddenly rising up the ranks at a telemarketing firm, with a few caveats. The film beautifully explores the how far one is willing to go and what they're willing to risk for supposed success.

Heavy Metal by Cameron Winter Lowkey one of the best albums

I've heard in a while. Oh my gosh this man has voice. This album is so beautifully confused. It's like if you had post nut clarity from going somewhere you did not want to but the people you loved were all there, but you still don't want to be there but you've accepted that you're there now so might as well..

The Rolling Stones Nausicaä (Love Will Be Revealed) Love Takes Miles Drinking Age Cancer of the Skull Try as I May We’re Thinking the Same Thing Nina + Field of Cops $0 Can’t Keep Anything

VOLUME WARNING

tv kind of sucks these days I've noticed recently how lacking television has been. Shows nowadays prioritise viral moments through shock value and spoon feed the series to audiences. They ride the coat tails of the previous seasons' reputation, hoping to patch together a conclusion, but ignore that the reputation was built on quality storytelling. Caring about the intricacies of the affairs in the worlds one creates. Recent examples that come to mind are Stranger Things, The Boys, and Euphoria. The Boys gets some grace from me as it stuck the landing but took quite the tumble. Stranger Things and Euphoria fell straight flat on its face. What makes both their faults more egregious is the wait in between seasons just to deliver absolute bullshit (in my opinion, this is my zine :p). These shows terribly underestimated their audiences and were genuiinely hoping for the best. Stranger Things took the risk averse road by not killing anyone significant to the plot, which I think would've added more stakes to everything, and Euphoria just sucked. Sam Levnson was just ripping off his cinematic betters to cover up that he clearly misunderstands the characters and is generally a bad writer.

He also needs to stop watching pornography immediately.

I'm sick of watching his thinly veiled fetishes (coming from a self proclaimed pervert btw) which he choses to subject his viewers and actors to. I think this is all a symptom of the eight episode disease started by Netflix. writers aren't being challenged anymore and I fear it won't be getting any better.

crush exposing myself as a lovelorn idiot

okay so i had a crush on this one guy in my first year of uni and looking back i think to myself "wow, you're dumbass". i'm so sorry to say this but this guy genuinely looked like a rat, like a tattoed rat with a horrible mess on his head he calls hair. i got my then heart's wish and did the deed with him. underwhelming experience, i bled..a lot and he came in my eyes. his cum also tasted like shit, which is most likely a result of a diet consisting primarily of monster and alcohol. but that experience taught me to really have some respect for myself and to start being a real bitch with men. luckily he blocked me and i no longer have to tolerate him. i'm an asshole, but i genuinely could be worse.

exam season got the better of me

media consumption

please, please, PLEASE submit your tmi's. i don't have the mental and emotional bandwith to anonymously embarrass myself. i have a google form on my website, it's pretty neat. tell me too much information immediately. like genuinely anything. i'll take it https://aloneintheether.carrd.co/

instagram: st.annamagdalena twitter: manyscreenshots tiktok: st.augustina pinterest: saint augusta pi.fyi: labyrinthine_leo website: aloneintheether.carrd.co