Millie Mueller Creating Moments
Senior Thesis | 2026
CreatingMoments
MillieMueller
TheArtisticProcess
Whenseniorthesiswasintroduced,IimmediatelyknewI wantedtodoanartprojectorsomethinginpathD.However,Ihad noidea what Iwantedtodo,andsobeganmyquesttobrainstorm ameaningfulartproject.Afterseveraldiscardedideas,Icameup withsomethingIliked,inspiredbyaphotothatmymothertookin college.Thephotoinquestionisablack-and-whitephotolooking outoverthebalconyoftheHarvardboathousesometimeinthe afternoon.Myoriginalideawasto“recreateamoment,”which entailedpaintingthemomentthephotowastaken—or,inother words,makingafull-colorpaintingofherstandingonthebalcony withhercamera(insteadofsimplypaintingthephoto.)Thiswould havebeenonebigpainting.Ididn’thavetheoilpaintsnorthe wholeheartedreadinessrequiredtofocusentirelyononepiece,soI decidedthatIwouldgothroughthedozensofphotoalbumsthat shecompiledandpickafewdifferentphotostorecreatemoments from.
Iranintosomeissueswithmyoriginalplan.First,Iwanted tofindapersonallymeaningful“moment,”butIwasuninspiredby whatIfound,despitesearching.Additionally,becauseallofthe photosareolder,Iwasababyortoddlerinthem,whichIdidn’t likebecausethatisnotwhoIamnow.Second,itisartistically mucheasier(andturnsoutvisuallybetter)topaintwhen referencinganobjectorphoto.Ipersonallycategorizereferences intotwoboxes:directreferencesandcasualreferences.Adirect referenceiswhenIpaint something exactlyhowitis.GiventhatI wastryingtorecreatethemomentthephotowastaken,notthe photoitself,Iwastryingtoavoidthis.Myremainingoptionwasto usecasualreferences.I’duseacasualreferencetosourcedifferent aspectsof something—anythingfromapose,color,composition, orgeneralshapeofanose—to"stitch"togetherthesceneIwant. ThiswasharderthanIanticipatedbecauseusually,theelementsdo
notfittogetherproperly.Finally,becauseshetookthemajorityof thephotosinthephotoalbum,shewasn’tinmostofthem.
Thus,IchangedmyprojecttousephotosthatItook myself.Byextension,thisrestructuredmycentraltheme.Instead ofrecreatingamoment,myprojectwasnowaboutcreating memoriesInevergottohave.Thisrestructuringalsomadethe projectmorepersonal.Mypieceswerenowcenteredaroundmy ownpastandfuture,insteadofstuckinthepast.Icould“create” momentsandmemoriesthatfeltmorerelevantandconnectedto meandmyexperiences.Additionally,thisismorerelatedtothe ideaofprocessinggrief—acentralpartofmyproject—becausethe piecesImadearemorerelatedtomycurrentrelationshipwithher andherdeath.
Inretrospect,itiseasytosaythatthisrestructuringwas veryclearandthethematicelementscametogetherquicklyandin thewaythatIampresentingthemhere.Realistically,theartistic processwasmuchmorejourney-like,andittooklongerformy thoughtstoproperlycometogether.Itwentlikethis:Ihadrealized thatmyoriginalplansforreferencematerialwouldn’twork,and thereforeIprocrastinatedbecauseIwasunsurehowtofixthat problem.But,whenIwassittingonadockandappreciatinghow beautifulitwas,Ithoughttomyself:“Icouldpaintthisinstead.”I hadmyportablewatercolorssetinmysuitcasethirtyyardsaway, soIgotthat,aglassofwater,sunscreen,andthenIstarted.Atthat point,Iwassearchingforatrainofthoughtorathemetoguide whatIwasdoing.Soon,IfiguredthatIcouldpaintussittingnext toeachother,butthatifIpaintedfrommyownfirst-person perspectiveI’dbeabletoavoidpaintingeitherofourfaces.This wouldbypasstheissueIwashaving.Inconclusion, problem-solvingaphysicalproblemguidedmetothematically developmyprojecttofocusonthepresent.
Thiswasmyfirstpiece, On The Dock.Itwasaspecial place;Iknewshewenttherealot,butthatshehadneverbeen therewithme.Withmyproject,Itookhertherewithme.
Thewindingjourneyofthisproject(i.e.theartistic process)versusitsthematicallyorderlyresultremindsmeofthe curationofexhibits.Often,anexhibitfindsthesimilarities betweenpiecesandcuratesthemintoarelatedgrouping.For example,Boston’sMuseumofFineArtshadanexhibitcalled, “CuratedbyTeens:DeathasaConstantCompanion,”which relatedavarietyofpiecesunderthecommonthemeofdeath (MuseumofFineArtsBoston).Researchingthisexhibitmademe thinkspecificallyabouthowdiversepiecescanbethematically groupedintooneexhibit.Inmyexhibit,everypieceissimilar becausetheywereintentionallymadethatway.However,thisidea ofassociationparallelshowIgatheredmyclutteredthoughtsinto onetheme.Theartisticprocess,(likethisexhibit)groupedallthe differentthoughtsIwantedtoexpressintooneproject,using paintingsandthesubsequentexhibitionofthosepaintings.
Thissameexhibitionalsomademethinkabouthowthe medium,ormaterials,ofapaintingcanexpressthethemeofan exhibition.Thearticleabouttheexhibitionreads:“Eventhe materialconditionsofcertainobjectscommentonthetheme:some seeminglydefyagethroughcarefulconservation,whileothers showthewearandtearoftime”(MuseumofFineArts).Formy pieces,Iusedmywatercolorset,whichresonateswiththeideaof “takeyouwithme,”anideaIwantedtoexpressinmyworks.My portablewatercolorsetfittinglyexpressestheideathatIgettogo withandtakeMomwithmeonmyadventures.Thatalsoaligns withtheideathatI’llcarrygriefwithmeeverywhere,too. Watercolorisalsofittingbecauseit,asamedium,isblurrierthan otherkindsofpaints—whichmakesitlookmorelikeaphysical memory.Theblurrinessalsohasanotherfunction:itallowsfor
morephysicalfreedom.I’mnotastiedtomakingsomethinglook accuratewhenthat’sdifficulttodo,andit’snaturalfora far-away-facetolooklikeablurwhenpaintedwithwatercolor.
Theprocessofwatercolorpainting
.
I’vebeenusingwatercolorforalongtime,althoughIstill havemuchtolearnaboutit.
First,IfindinspirationforwhatIwanttomake.Theninmy sketchbook,Imakethumbnails.Thumbnailingisawidespreadand fairlyintuitivepractice;essentially,it'sabunchofsmallandloose explorativesketchesthattryoutdifferentcompositionsformynext piece.Theyareusuallyaninchortwoinsizeandhelpmedecide what exactly Iwanttomake.
Then,Iformallymaketheunderlyingsketchonmycanvas, orinthiscase,mywatercolorpaper.Iuseayellownumber2 pencilbecauseI’mverycomfortablewiththatandIalwayscarry onewithme.
Then,I’lladdthewash,whichisawatery,lightlayerof watercolorovertheentirepiece.Thiswillsetthecolorbaseforthe piece.Whileitisstillwet,Icanaddpigmenttodifferentareasof thecanvas,andit’lldiffusetobeblurry.Thisisgoodforthe backgroundorunfocusedareas.I’llwaitforittodrypartiallyor fully,andaddmorewashestolayeronareas.Ifit’spartiallydry, theedgeswillbesofter.Ifit’sfullydry,theywillbeharsherand haveacharacteristicrim.Eventually,I’llfinishbyaddingsmall details,likeleavesorclothingfolds.
Throughoutthiswholeprocess,whenIstrugglewith something,Isearchupbothphotosandotherartists’renditionof thedifficultelementsforcasualreference,suchasatree.Often, otherartists’workisthemosthelpfulbecauseithelpsmebreak downhowtorepresentsuchobjectsusingpaint.(I’lltalkmore
aboutthislater).Also,beforeIattemptsomethingdifficult,I’ll oftendoapracticetogetmorecomfortable.
MygreatestweaknesswithwatercoloristhatIoftendon’t waitlongenoughforpainttodryorIdon’tfullythinkthrough howtoproperlyapproachsomething.I’vebeentryingtoworkon that.Myfavoritepartaboutwatercoloristhatitisalotlooserand freerthanothertypesofpaints,andthatrewardsmymessier artstyle.
Piecebypiece
I’vebroughtupmyfirstpiece, On the Dock.Here,I’llgo throughmyprocessandthoughtsformyotherpieces
Mysecondpieceis A Time on the Water.Onthesamelake, Iwentsailingforthefirsttimewithmybrother,Coco,andafamily friend,Brinton.Thatnight,Brintonshowedmeaphotoofuson thewater.AlthoughIalwaysmissmymom,Ihadn’tthoughtabout makingapieceaboutthatdayuntilIsawthatphoto,butthen,I wasinspired.Already,mydaywasbeautiful,butIwishshe could’vebeenthereforit.Thisrelatestoahealthyformof processingwhereIcanwishforadifferentrealitybutstillenjoy whatIhave.
Intermsofphysicalaspects,Iwasunsureexactlyhowto paintthewater,soIgoogledatutorialbyKaneKellythatwasvery helpful.1 Referencingtheirdemowatercolorworkshelpedme attainthedetailedvisualeffectIwasgoingfortoo.Ialsolookedat howotherartistspaintedtreesforthebackground.2
Mythirdpieceis Together.Intermsofmyprocess,Iknew IwantedtomakeapaintingofthisspecificplacebeforeIhadthe photo,unlike A Time on the Water.Withmyinspiration,then,I searchedthroughmycamerarolltofindsomereferencematerial.
1 Accesshere:americanwatercolor.net/painting-water-in-watercolor/
2 Accesshere:sandyallnockfineartcom/product/deep-forest/
ThephotoIchooseissignificanttome.Itookthephoto thissummersometimeinAugust,whenIhikedoutthere(aboutten minutesawayfromthehouse)tomotivatemyselftoworkonmy personalessayforcollegeapplications(whichIactuallyendedup writingaboutherandherimpactonme).Theplace,too,is extremelyimportanttomebecausethat’swhereherashesare scattered.ThemomentthatIpaintedissignificantbecauseit representstheideathatshe’sheretohelpmegothroughthe collegeprocess,butithasirony,too,becauseIwrotesomuch abouthowherdeathimpactedmeasakidinmyessay.
Inspiration
Inmyresearch,Iwasreadingthroughanarticle,and somethingIdidn’texpectimpactedme.Fromitstitle,“Forthe Grieving,theGlobal‘WindPhone’MovementIsaLifeline,”I expectedthisworktorelatetohowartcanbeusedtoprocessgrief, andthat'scertainlytrue;theartitselfisa“WindPhone,”aphone connectedtonothingthatpeoplecanusetotalktosomeonethey lost.Butwhatresonatedwithmewasthatcreator,ItaruSasaki, madethisforhimselfafterthelossofalovedonetocancer. Severalmonthslater,adisasterstruckhistown.Onlyafterthat,the WindPhonesbecameameaningfulcomfortformanywithinthe community(Ebert).Tome,itwaspowerfulhowsomething personal,whensharedwithothers,helpedthecommunity.The worldisstillstrugglingwithawaytocommemoratethedeathsof millionsduringthepandemic(Cunningham).Truthfully,my projectisverypersonal,anditisnotintendedforothers.However, afterreadingthis,Ihopethatsharingmyartwiththeworldhas somesortofpositiveimpact.
Anotherinspirationwastheonlinegalleryoftheabstract artistAOTH.Usually,Idon’tlikeabstractartbecauseIcannot understandwhatishappeningintheart.So,whenIdo,Ipay
attention.Tryingtounderstandmyself,Ilikedthewayherworks looklikeemotions.Thatinspiredme,evenifoursubjectmatter andthemesaredifferent.However,thebiggestthingthatcaught myattentionwasheruseoftitles.Anexampleis “I’d Care a Lil Less if I Could,” whichmademethinkmoreandlookdifferently abouteachpiece(Tappan).Thus,Iputmorecareandthoughtinto eachofmytitles.
ATangent
OnethingnaggedonmeasIworkedon(butmoreasI reflectedon)thisproject:iswhatI’mmakingethical?Andisit healthy?Thesequestionswereraised(partially)bythoughtsabout AI,andI’mgoingtostartwiththe“ethical”part,althoughboth questionsareveryrelated. Recently,there’sbeenalotoftalk aboutAI,andIrememberedadiscussionatthedinnertableabout companiesmakinggriefbots,orfakepersonasofdeceasedrelatives thatyoucouldtalktooverthephone.Allpresentfamilymembers andIwereappalled;itfeltcreepy(andjustfake)tofalselymimica person,particularlyadeadone,anditalsoseemedlikeitcould becomeveryunhealthyforpeoplewhorelyonthissoftware insteadofmovingon.Additionally,Iwasconcernedthatthis wouldbecomeanexploitofgrievingrelativesforprofit.However, thisconversationmademethinkabouttheethicsandhealthinessof myproject;I’malsocreatingamimicofher,althoughofher physicallikeness,andI’malso“relyingon”mypaintingstocreate memories.Ofthetwo,mybiggerconcernwaswith health—consideringthe(possible)unhealthynessofrelyingonAI tosuppressgriefmademeconsiderthehealthinessofmyown project.IswhatI’mdoingparasocial?
Idecidedtodosomeresearch,andIfoundanarticleby KathrynHulick:“ShouldWeUseAItoResurrectDigital‘Ghosts’ oftheDead,”whichdiscussestheethicsofusingAItocreate
griefbots.Unfortunately,itdidn’tactuallydiveallthatdeepinto theethics,butitdidconfirmthatthesebotswereinfactin development.Tomyquestions:IswhatI’mmakinghealthy?Isit ethical?Myinstinctualanswerisno.Here’swhy.
TherearealotofdifferentreasonsforwhyIthinkAI griefbotsareunethical,buttheeasiestethicalreasonformyselfis thatwhatI’mdoingisnotforaprofit,andAIgriefbotsgenerally are.However,woulditthenbeunethicalforanartisttotakea commissiontomakeaportraitofadeceasedfriend?Underthis logic,yes,butI’dliketoargueno,becausemakingsomethingin foramemorialisdifferentthanprofitingoffofacoping mechanism.Andthatbringsmetomyfinale:iswhatI’mdoing healthy?AndI’dliketoarguethatyesitis,becauseasmuchasI’d likemyprojecttobeacopingmechanism,it'snot.It'samemorial. Still,witheverythingargued,Ithinkthiscasestudyisimportant, partiallybecauseethicsareimportantbutmoreasareminderto considermyownhealthinmyart.
Display
Iplanonbringingthepaintingstoschoolformy presentation.They’llbedisplayedonaposterboardnexttothe whiteboard,sopeoplecanseethembeforeorafterthe presentation.I’llincludetitles,butnoinformationplaquebecauseI plantoexplainmyprojectduringmypresentation.I’llalsoput photosofthemonmyslidessopeoplecanproperlyseewhatI made,eveniftheyaresittinginthebackoftheroom.
Conclusion
Myhopewastooverlapmakingameaningfulartpiece, whilealsofindingahealthywaytoprocess.Istillstrugglewith manythings,includingmemory,and“perceivedchangesin memoryandattention,commonlyreferredtoas“griever’sfog,”…
[have]beenclinicallyobservedandanecdotallydiscussedby therapistsfordecades”(Békésetal).Personally,it’shardto differentiatewhethermydifficultyrememberingchildhoodis normalforgetfulnessorsomethingelse.Regardless,mylimited memoriesmakemesad.Still,doctorsrecommend“practiceslike journaling,cognitivebehaviortherapy,counseling,creativity,and meditationasoutletsforpost-traumaticgrowth.Thesestrategies allowfeelingsofsafety,security,andcalmnesstoreturnsothat onecanmoveforward”(AmericanBrainFoundation).Iuseartto calmdownfrequently,butthisismyfirsttimeusingitto deliberatelyprocessmyownemotions.Ihopetodothatmorein thefuture.
Intermsofmyownartisticprocess,thisprojecthastaught mehowIcanshapeanideainordertobetterfitboththetheme andunexpectedrestrictions.However,IalsolearnedhowmuchI needtoworkonthemingmyartandlargerprojects.Usually,my paintingsandsketchesarejustprettypicturesthatImakeforfun, andIseldomputanydeepthoughtinto why I’mmaking something;allmyfocusissurfaceleveloncreatingsomethingthat visuallyfitswhatIoriginally(orrevisionally)intend.Foralong time,I’vewantedtomakesomethingforMom,butnotimefelt right,andIcouldn’tthinkofanythingseriousenough,untilIcame tomyseniorthesisproject.Andso,Ijumpedintowhatyouhave heardabout.However,inmyquesttomakesomethingserious,I haveregrets.Becauseofthesadnature,Iwassometimes demotivatedtomakeprogress.Moreimportantly,though,Iwas hesitanttotalkaboutwhatIwasmakingtomyfriendsandfamily, andthatmademesad.
I’dliketosaythatthisprojecthashelpedmecope,but that’snottruebecauseit’saproject,notacopingmechanism.I thinkthat’shealthierinalotofways.Thisprojecthashelpedme understandthatsomethingswillnevercometrue,andthat’sokay.
On the Dock
A Time on the Water
WorksCited
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