05 oct awakening 2017

briefly in 1904, but when fate found them together at a dinner party four years later, there was no denying the attraction. They were married for over 50 years and had five children together. The pair wrote to each other frequently when they found themselves apart.

Here in one famous excerpt, he tells his wife how he much she means to him: “In your letter from Madras you wrote some words very dear to me, about my having enriched your life. I cannot tell you what pleasure this gave me, because I always feel so overwhelmingly in your debt, if there can be accounts in love…

What it has been to me to live all these years in your heart and companionship no phrases can convey. Time passes swiftly, but is it not joyous to see how great and growing is the treasure we have gathered together, amid the storms and stresses of so many eventful and to millions tragic and terrible years.”

Another great reflection of love is this letter from empress Alexandra of Russia to Tsar Nicholas II: “My very most earnest prayers will follow you by day and night. I commend you into our Lord’s safe keeping, may he guard, guide and lead you, bring you safe and sound back again. I bless you and love you, as man has rarely been loved before”.

As Rumi said “Love is the bridge between you and everything,” but I would add that romantic words and expression are a bridge between two soulmates. Little things matter a lot, small words of love, are still words of love.

Love is the most powerful emotion a human being can experience. However, we are getting so busy and occupied in our daily struggles, we do not reflect on our love and relationship to make it more idealistic and dreamy.

Relationships, as firm as they may seem, can also be very fragile, so a continual improvement of the partnership is more important and effective than quick fix like flowers, chocolate or WhatsApp messages. The power of written and spoken words is a subconscious energy that balances the relationship.

The words you choose to write and the way you represent your deeper love is something that can truly enrich your life.

Illustration: Clym Evenden

Love Letters “We’re too busy expressing ourselves in 140-character bursts,”, says Hannah Brencher, letter-enthusiast and founder of The World Needs More Love Letters.

To her, these instant snippets and updates have become the new norm and greatly affect the time and energy we devote to ourselves on a daily basis. We’re so busy measuring our online accomplishments – the number of photos we share, the comments we make, the profiles we browse, or the videos we upload – the last thing we need is yet another website or network.

What is needed now, are simple, real, honest words to be expressed by the heart. Love is bigger than us, it’s infinite, love is an action, love is work and love is a decision.

For me, to sit down, pull out a piece of paper and think about someone the whole way through is an art and a true reflection of love.

“Romantic” might not be the first word that comes to mind when thinking of British Prime Minister Winston Churchill. But the man had many facets in addition to being a statesman and a world leader: he loved to paint, play with his dog and he was – in fact – a bit of a romantic. He first met his wife Clementine

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CONTENTS 1 WORK

2 SELF

3 HEALTH

4 INSPIRE

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Open up Becoming a better presenter is essential to being a good leader and to build workplace credibility says Lisa Quast.

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The Secret Hearing is an ability, listening is an art.

Here, we discuss the importance of truly effective communication at work and in life.

A matter of taste As all good chefs know, when it comes to food, how a dish looks can often be as important as how it tastes.

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Body of influence Only 7 per cent of communiation is verbal, so what of the other 93%? Here, we look at how to make sure you are using youir body language effectively.

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Open & shut Sports trainer Quinn McDowell explains why communication often fails in sport and how to overcome the challenges.

Team work What does good communication look like in a marriage?

Story of wisdom A tale of gossip

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A letter to my granddaughters Amitabh Bachchan writes a heartfelt letter, full of advice and wisdom, to his granddaughters Aaradhya and Navya.

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Al Mujeeb The Fulfiller of Prayers

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The determined ones Dr Asma explains how to communicate to those with special needs

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Work

“Communication must be HOT. That’s Honest, Open and Two-way” - Dan Oswald

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WORK

Open up

by Lisa Quast Becoming a better presenter is essential if you want to be seen as a good leader, build your workplace credibility, or catch the attention of upper management.

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1

UNDERSTAND YOUR AUDIENCE I once sat in the audience where a presenter was obviously delivering a “canned” presentation he had previously used. How did I know? He was giving a “retail sales 101” speech to an audience of highly skilled and experienced medical equipment sales professionals.

And he also forgot to change the company name listed on several of his slides. Now that’s how to lose audience attention quickly!

For every presentation, your topic and discussion points must be relevant for the audience. Ask yourself: Who is my audience? Why are they here? What do they already know about my topic? What are the attendees’ goals and objectives? How many people will be there?

Once you have the answers to these types of questions, you can tailor your presentation to your audience. And if your presentation is part of a larger meeting with other presenters involved, don’t forget to determine how your presentation will relate to the overall meeting, the meeting theme (if there is one), and to the topics of the other presenters.

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WORK

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KNOW YOUR OBJECTIVES AND YOUR MATERIAL Is the objective of your presentation to educate or persuade your audience?

For example, are you teaching project management techniques or trying to convince the executive team to give your department additional budget?

Whether you’re educating or trying to persuade, make sure you can answer these questions: What do I want my audience to know at the end of my presentation? What key points do I need to communicate? What actions do I want the audience to take when they leave?

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PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE Wowing the audience (and management) is a great way to get yourself noticed as you climb the proverbial career ladder. Take time to ensure you’ll do a great job by practicing. I like to rehearse out loud to see how my presentation sounds and then I practice in front of a mirror to make sure I look comfortable while I’m presenting. It’s also helpful to ask someone to listen to you and provide feedback.

The more time you spend preparing for presentations the better the results will be. Practice and preparation may not make your presentations perfect, but it will definitely get you noticed – in a good way!

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3

TELL YOUR “STORY” WITH FLAIR One of your presentation goals should be to inspire enthusiasm for your topic.

To do this, be creative and think about ways you can involve the audience, such as through stories, humor, examples/statistics, and eye-catching visual aids.

Many CEOs today have stopped using text heavy PowerPoint presentations and have adopted a style that includes lots of images for visual appeal.

Notes Carmine Gallo, author of The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs, “This style of delivering presentations is fresh, engaging, and ultimately far more effective than slide after slide of wordy bullet points.” Including stories can also be a great way to help people learn and better visualise information.

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TEST THE LOGISTICS Go see the room where you’ll present. Ensure everything works: Microphones, computer, projector, screen, etc. Is the seating adequate and appropriately set up? Will those sitting in the back be able to see you when you present? If needed, are flip charts or white boards and pens ready? If handing out documents, are they ready? Preparing for the worst is the best way to ensure your presentation will run smoothly.

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WORK

The Secret Effective communication is the key to success in all aspects of your life, says leading communications expert Sandy Chernoff

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WORK t is important to understand how you can communicate better because it is crucial for all aspects of your business, whether its verbal communication or its written communication or its communication through your LinkedIn Profile. They must be consistent and they must send the message that you want your public to receive.

Effective communication is essential in all we do… most people think they know how to do this as we have been doing it essentially since were born, however few of us are really good at it. As a result most of us experience much conflict, disappointment, resentment, confusion and complaining, and often do not get what we expected or wanted.

Effective communication means sending messages that are understood by those with whom you are communicating and understanding the messages sent to you.

In business, we need to be authentic, honest, clear, and impactful when we articulate our vision, goals, and aims. We also need to be able to issue clear instructions to others. Again, because assumptions seem to be common when offering information to others, we are often unhappy with the outcomes.

Our brand, reputation and quality of products or services must be consistent with what we are communicating verbally, non-verbally and online. People do business with those they trust… in order to develop that trust, we need to be presenting our true selves and beliefs with regularity and reliability. Otherwise we will lose that trust, our relationships will suffer and so will our business.

All relationships are based on trust, respect and rapport and cannot be developed, nurtured or maintained without excellent communication skills… beginning with active listening.

The more one listens to others, the more one can learn. The more we learn, the more effective we can be in dealing with the people in our business, in our personal lives and in our “virtual” lives. Every aspect must be in alignment, reinforcing the persona you wish to

‘Remember this… hearing is an ability, listening is an art which requires your ears to hear, your heart to experience feelings, your mind to process the information and your eyes to see the non-verbal messaging that is also being sent’

put forth to the world. The more authentic you are the easier it is to maintain that consistency.

In our modern technological world, we present ourselves not only in person, but also through our profiles in the various on-line platforms available today.

One of the most crucial of these online platforms is LinkedIn, the largest and most popular network of professionals in the world.

In fact in many occasions if you are not present on LinkedIn and if your profile there is not active, well developed and consistent

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with your live persona, your business will not thrive as it could. Why? Because most professionals search for answers using LinkedIn, so if you are not there, they will be unlikely to find you and your business.

Therefore, you need to ensure that you have a solid presence on LinkedIn that is characterised by professionalism, credibility and trustworthiness. You need to be positioned as a likeable expert in your field who is getting discovered by those who you want to be discovered from, thus significantly increasing your exposure and eyeballs from your ideal prospects. Whether you are looking for a new position, for more customers, or looking to

identify the right candidates, communicating your personality and strong points on your LinkedIn profile in the most attractive way, as well as efficiently communicating with your LinkedIn Network (i.e. via the most effective updates, group discussions, posts, messages) is crucial to your success and achievement of your professional goals.

We challenge you to review how you communicate your brand and self to the greater world (both offline and online) and to try to make sure that what is out there is consistent, authentic and valuable so that you will attract the contacts and business opportunities you deserve.

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Sandy is the CEO and founder of www.softskillsforsuccess.com and the author of “5 Secrets to Effective Communication”.

Self

“Make it simple, but significant�

- Don Draper, Mad Men

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SELF

Body of Influence How to use body language to influence others

by Julie-Ann Amos

Body language is an incredibly powerful tool for influencing other people in many different ways. Most of us use it to exert influence quite unconsciously most of the time but we also may use it quite deliberately at other times.

The greater your awareness and understanding of body language and its uses, the greater responsibility you have to use that information in positive and appropriate ways.

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DOMINATING SOMEONE ELSEÂ Dominant body language communicates to someone else your expectation that you are of a higher status or have more power. For instance, if you have a conversation with someone who is seated but you remain standing, you have the dominant position and can use it to influence the outcome of the conversation. Or, if you are disciplining a child you may use your height to lean over the child, gesture with your hands, lean in very close, or move your entire body close enough to get the child to lean or step back.

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SELF

SEEKING APPROVAL FROM SOMEONE ELSE You use body language quite extensively when seeking approval from someone else. For instance, if you want approval from your boss you will smile more often, nod your head in agreement, use deferential body positioning, and the like. If you want approval from a spouse or intimate partner, you’ll touch that person using your hand, shoulder, or body,

TEACHING SOMEONE ELSE When you want to teach something to another person, you use body language in a couple of different ways. First, you demonstrate whatever it is you’re trying to teach. This might take the form of showing the right body position on a bicycle, pointing in the direction you want the person to go or gesturing with your hands while giving a verbal explanation. Second, you use body language to encourage and praise the other person, such as a pat on the back, a touch on the shoulder, clapping your hands, smiling, and the like.

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TELLING SOMEONE ELSE TO LEAVE YOU ALONEÂ This is a very powerful use of body language; you use it with strangers, friends, family, co-workers, and anybody else who is encroaching on you in some way. For example, if a co-worker is talking to you when you want to get back to work, your body language will signal an end to the conversation. You may take a step or two away, turn your body slightly away, break eye contact, etc. If the person is attempting a level of intimacy that makes you uncomfortable you may lean back, turn your head, or even physically push the person away from you.

RESPONSIBLE BODY LANGUAGE INFLUENCE All of the examples above can be used in ways that are positive as well as negative. For instance, inappropriate dominance can be physically or emotionally abusive. Or, seeking approval incessantly can be seen as deceitful or an effort to inappropriately cultivate favour with the other person.

The bottom line is that you are responsible for your own use of body language as a form of influence. Think in terms of specific non-verbal behaviours as well as your intent when using those behaviours. In the long run, your life and relationships will be best served when you use body language in ways that are appropriate and positive.

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Team work How does communication work in a marriage and how can you make it better?

By Erika Krull, MSEd, LMHP

A good marriage thrives on the open exchange of emotion, desires and beliefs. In fact, communication is one of the most important aspects of a satisfying marriage. Most marriages go through rough times, which can change the way spouses communicate with each other. Many couples develop bad habits and create destructive patterns when things aren’t going well.

How Does Communication Work?

Many people in troubled marriages say, “We just don’t communicate anymore.” Most likely, they mean to say that they don’t communicate effectively anymore. The truth is that people are communicating all the time. Even two people giving each other the silent treatment are communicating with each other.

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SELF

THERE ARE FIVE COMMON PATHWAYS OF COMMUNICATION WITHIN MARRIAGE:

NON-VERBAL PHYSICAL EXPRESSION: BEHAVIOUR, FACIAL EXPRESSION, GESTURES...

THE CONTEXT OF THE SITUATION

SPOKEN OR WRITTEN COMMUNICATION

TOUCH

EMOTION

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It’s easy just to focus on words, but that’s only a fraction of the information couples share back and forth. In the next section, you’ll read an example of a potentially difficult situation for a married couple.

Look for all the different ways information is being communicated in the story.

Marriage Communication: Is Yours Effective?

We are constantly giving out signals that other people can pick up. Your family can usually tell when you are stressed out, relaxed, happy or sad.

You may not have to say a word to convey a message accurately. Take a look at the following example to understand this better.

You suddenly don’t feel well in the middle of the afternoon. You notice you have a runny nose and you feel really tired. You lay down on the couch, thinking you might just need a quick nap to help you feel better. Your spouse is initially upset to find the house messy when he or she comes home from work. But once he or she sees you laying on the couch asleep with a box of tissues next to you, his or her entire demeanor and understanding of the situation instantly changes.

You had been giving out the same “I’m sick” messages all afternoon while no one else was home. Once your spouse came in the door, he or she was able to pick up your messages and process them. He or she was forming a long list of complaints while walking in the door, but tossed them aside after seeing you on the couch.

Let’s see what happens when the situation becomes more complex. What if you and your spouse were selling your house and you were expecting visitors shortly after your spouse got home from work? Would leaving you to sleep really be the best decision? The bigger context of the situation would probably cause your spouse to go against his or her initial feelings of compassion and wake you up anyway.

Without waking you up, they may not know how sick you really are. You’d have to give them more verbal information to clarify your situation.

If it seemed you were too sick to clean up in time, you and your spouse might decide to postpone the house-showing appointment. If you felt a lot better and you worked together quickly, the appointment might be saved. In this case, waking you would be the most compassionate move because something bigger would be at stake.

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SELF

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Different Types of Communication Happening All At Once

How Poor Marriage Communication Changes The Whole Picture

So what kinds of communication happened in the above situation? The first messages your spouse would have received were nonverbal. Your normal behaviour would be to have a clean house, and since this didn’t happen your spouse could conclude something was wrong. Instead of being awake as expected, you were asleep. You also had a box of tissues nearby. These are signals that told your spouse a lot before you were even conscious.

Once your spouse woke you, they would have seen a tired, miserable expression on your face. Don’t underestimate the power of facial expressions. Many people don’t realise how much information gets shared in this way alone. And finally, you would have provided detailed information about how you felt. Your description would have told how things went downhill during the afternoon, leading you to take an unexpectedly long nap on the couch.

Your spouse can come to his or her own conclusions by using all of these clues together. If your spouse trusts how your words and behaviours match, they can move forward with you. Your spouse may have some frustration about changing the appointment, but they will also have a clear sense of empathy for your sudden illness.

If you and your spouse had poor communication, this situation might have a very different outcome.

Frustration, mistrust, tension, and defensiveness can intensify your conflict.

Your spouse might be very upset that you didn’t call, or might think you could be faking or exaggerating your illness.

You might believe your spouse is just looking for ways to put you down, even when you clearly don’t feel well and didn’t expect to sleep so long. Poor communication skills can perpetuate destructive patterns. You’ll find it difficult to work through emotions and solve problems.

Remember how many troubled couples say they aren’t communicating? It’s easy to see how this just isn’t true. You and your spouse are communicating all the time, even when things aren’t going well.

The problem lies with the way people pick up on messages and respond to them. Each spouse has the responsibility to be as accurate as possible when communicating.

Marriage Communication Is Complex: Learning More Communication is a lot more complex than most people believe. It can be challenging to juggle all the information coming at you. When you are calm, take a closer look at a typical fight between you and your spouse. Try to pick out the different types of information you are giving your spouse during the conflict. Take what you learn and do something different the next time this fight happens.

Better yet, sit down with your spouse when you are both calm and talk about your communication problems for that fight (not the topic itself ). This can open up a whole new understanding of the problem for both of you. Keep learning about the way you communicate to get your marriage moving in the right direction.

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Health

‘‘Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates: Is it true ?

Is it necessary ?

Is it kind ?’’

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HEALTH

A matter of taste Does food need to look good to taste great?

HEALTH

he definition of food presentation in the dictionary is: “the art of modifying, processing, arranging, or decorating food to enhance its aesthetic appeal.” Our first experience of food is usually how it looks, then how it smells and lastly how it tastes. Sometimes smell comes before sight and if something smells good but looks bad, you may have a fighting chance to get to the taste stage. (I’m not going to attempt to get into salty, sweet acidic and texture, those come after taste.) How something smells is a better indication of how it would taste than how it looks! I wouldn’t think twice about eating something that smelled good and looked bad but I would have great trepidation about eating something that smelled and looked bad.

That is why there are food stylists for cookbooks and magazines; who make those dishes look so appealing that you salivate at the very look of them and make you want to buy the book. There are books written expressly for food styling and presentation, one of which makes the claim: “Food that looks beautiful does taste better!” I’m not so sure about that but you may be more likely to try it if it looks beautiful but appearance is only one factor in your experience of the food.

Eating is a sensuous experience; to be a truly sensory delight it must fire on all cylinders, not just one. How it looks, smells, tastes, the atmosphere of where you are, who you’re with -- all these things affect how you enjoy the food. When I was a young cook working in a restaurant, I went out with some friends to another restaurant where I had the exact same oysters on the half shell (from the same producer) as I had eaten at ours. When I told our chef that I was puzzled because I knew they were

“Our first experience of food is how it looks, then how it tastes.”

the same oysters, but they tasted better at the other restaurant. He said that it was because I was out with friends, enjoying myself and generally having a better time than when I eat where I worked.

I couldn’t believe that my taste buds could be fooled so easily!

Nobody understands the importance of presentation in preparing food than someone with kids. They can be easily turned off to a meal just by how it looks.”What is that green stuff?” asked my daughter wearily, referring to some fresh thyme floating in her chicken soup. It took some coaxing, but I was able to get her to try it despite the “green stuff ” and she eventually ate 2 bowls of it. I’m not sure where the prejudice of the green

stuff comes from but I have heard this from my own as well as others’ children. (It defies the rule that food should be colorful).

I will never understand children’s prejudices about food. Are their taste buds are more sensitive because they haven’t been ravaged by too much coffee and too many jalapenos? Can they smell things that we can’t, like dogs that can hear high-pitched noises that are inaudible to the human ear?

Care for appearance also shows that you have pride in what you’ve made and that you have taken the trouble to try to attract and entice the people you’re making it for. This is a given when you are entertaining but all the more important when it is for the people you’ve already got!

HEALTH

Open & shut Open communication improves the sports experience no end for young people, says trainer Quinn McDowell

The dynamics between players, coaches and parents have become notoriously difficult to manage – and understandably so. This complexity is due to the very nature of sports and competition.

Generally speaking, the coach’s agenda is centered around the team, a player’s agenda is centered around themselves and a parent’s agenda is centered on their child’s wellbeing. That is not to say a player can’t care about the team or coaches always disregard the wellbeing of their players, but usually this is where priorities lie.

To put it another way, the allegiances of all parties involved are usually directed toward their primary interests. These allegiances can cause coaches to be insensitive, players to show disrespect and parents to overstep their bounds.

In youth sports, the majority of this friction could be laid to rest if all players received one specific thing from their coaches and parents. This one thing is the right mindset, and if all future decisions can be measured against this principle, everyone will benefit.

Here are three ways this type of communication will have a positive effect on everyone involved…

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1

Realistic Expectations Sports – especially when you have to deal with tryouts, playing-time and other similar issues – can be a great learning and growth experience for many kids. However, one of the biggest reasons athletes can have a negative experience with their coach or team is because their expectations are never met, since expectations are never set. If an athlete walks into a team with a particular set of expectations and the coach never communicates his expectations with that player, inevitably someone will be disappointed.

Truthful communication about a coach’s expectations for both individual players and the team is one of the most important moves that diffuse toxic feelings between players, parents and coaches. A coach should lay out expectations at the beginning of the season with the parents, as well as during the course of the season with the players. Players’ roles can change, expectations can shift with the ebb and flow of the season and a coach should do his or her best to be on the same page with the players regarding these issues.

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HEALTH

2

TRUTH IS THE BEST MEDICINE Truth is the best medicine when it comes to potentially toxic communication in youth sports.

If a coach fails to communicate to a player how he or she sees that player fitting into the team, then the player is left to patch together a picture of his or her role. This guessing game can drive players crazy and undermine a coach’s credibility.

Although it is more difficult to sit down with a player and tell them they might not be seeing a lot of playing time, ultimately this is the healthiest type of communication. This removes the ability of parents and players to blame the coach for any kind of deception or misconstrued information.

In the same way, if a coach delivers truthful feedback, it is the job of the parents to do their best to honestly assess how their child could improve.

Parents can offer feedback without undermining the authority of the coach and should do their best to empower their children to improve through hard work and skill development. The truth can sting at times, but ultimately, it is the best stimulus for growth and character building.

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3 POSITIVE OPPORTUNITIES FOR GROWTH Every directive from a coach to a player should come with a caveat on ways and opportunities to improve. Positive communication begins and ends with the idea that regardless of how much playing time a player gets, the player’s inherent worth is never tied to performance. Sports are so much bigger than minutes played or baskets scored because they teach us about ourselves.

Opportunities for personal growth abound in the world of youth sports, but coaches and parents alike need to prioritise providing these opportunities for their athletes, regardless of skill.

Everybody wins: when honest, truthful and supportive communication becomes the norm

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Inspire

“Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow.”

– Lawrence Clark Powell

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INSPIRE

Story of Wisdom

woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbour. Within a few days the whole community knew the story.

The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended. Later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue. She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.

“Go to the marketplace,” he said, “Purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road.” Although surprised by this

advice, the woman did what she was told.

The next day the wise man said, “Now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me.”

The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand.

“You see,” said the old sage, “it’s easy to drop them, but it’s impossible to get them back. So it is with gossip. It doesn’t take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong.”

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INSPIRE

A letter to my Granddaughters My very dearest Navya & Aaradhya

You both carry a very valuable legacy on your tender shoulders –

Aaradhya, the legacy of your pardadaji, Dr Harivansh Rai Bachchan… and Navya, the legacy of your pardadaji, Shri H P Nanda…

Both your pardadaji’s gave your present surnames celebrated fame, dignity and recognition!

Both of you may be a Nanda or a Bachchan, but you are also girls… women!

And because you are women, people will force their thinking – their boundaries – on you. They will tell you how to dress, how to behave, who you can meet and where you can go.

Don’t live in the shadows of people’s judgement. Make your own choices in the light of your own wisdom.

Don’t let anyone make you believe that the length of your skirt is a measure of your character.

Don’t let anyone’s opinion of who you should be friends with, dictate who you will be friends with.

Don’t get married for any other reason other than you want to get married.

People will talk. They shall say some terrible things. But that doesn’t mean you have to listen to everyone. Never ever worry about – log kya kahenge.

At the end of the day, you are the only one who will face the consequences of your actions, so don’t let other people make your decisions for you.

Navya – the privilege your name, your surname, offers you will not protect you from the difficulties you will face because you’re a woman.

Aaradhya – by the time you see and understand this, I may well not be around. But I think what I am saying today shall still be relevant.

This may be a difficult, difficult world to be a woman. But I believe that it is women like you that will change that.

It may not be easy, setting your own boundaries, making your own choices, rising above people’s judgement. But YOU! … You can set an example for women everywhere.

Do this and you will have done more than I have ever done, and it will be my honour to be known not as Amitabh Bachchan, but as your grandfather!

With all my love

Your ….Dadaji … your Nana.

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AL MUJEEB The Fullfiller of Prayers, The Answerer of Prayers, The Responsive One

The One who answers prayers.

The One who responds to needs.

The One who penetrates through every obstacle in order to respond.

The One who responds to an invitation.

The One who responds to requests, prayers and praise by means of gifts and acceptance.

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INSPIRE

The Determined Ones

by Dr Asma Naheed, Educational Psychologist, Special Needs Consultant and Public Speaker

ational policy for empowering people with special needs was launched by His Highness Shaikh Mohammad Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, VicePresident and Prime Minister of the UAE and Ruler of Dubai recently.

His Highness announced that from now on, people with special needs will be called “the determined ones”. It’s an amazing step, not only to empower people with such needs within themselves, but to help them feel proud of themselves.

Effective Communication is a real art and has many parameters and protocols. We read many books, get advice from self-help guru’s, listen to motivational speakers and attend short courses, all to become better communicators and presenters. This area of our life takes lot of attention.

And if the average person needs a lot of

time and help with communication then what of those with special needs?

It’s easy to be intimidated by the prospect of speaking to someone with a disability, especially when one is unsure of what to say and how to say it. It would be embarrassing to blurt out something awkward, such as “see you later” to a person who is blind, or to say something unintentionally rude to a person with a mobility impairment.

The key is to focus on the person, not the disability, and avoid using negative or outdated terms that may be considered inappropriate. Taking one’s cues from the other person and treating them with respect, dignity and basic good manners are the main points to remember when communicating with people with disabilities. Here are few basic points to consider when communicating to people with disabilities…

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THE VISUALLY IMPAIRED People should introduce themselves when approaching a blind person.

When speaking, they should touch the person’s shoulder lightly or address them by name and speak in normal tone. Don’t pet or distract the guide dog. Politely offer help, but do not insist.

THOSE WITH MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS When communicating with a person who has a mental health disorder it is advised to use empathy in your speech rather than sympathy. People who have been diagnosed with a mental illness desire to be treated just like any other person. So it is recommended that you speak and act normally around the person and communicate with them like an adult even if they are acting childlike.

THE MOBILITY IMPAIRED When communicating with a person who uses a wheelchair, or who is otherwise mobility impaired, avoid the use of negative terms. Sit down, try to address the person at eye level and relieve them of the necessity of looking up for a long time.

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INSPIRE

THOSE WITH AUTISM Always use their name at the beginning so that they know you are talking to them. Make sure they are paying attention before you ask a question or give an instruction.

The signs that someone is paying attention will be different for different people. Use their special interest, or the activity they are currently doing, to engage them. Say less and say it slowly. Use specific key words, repeating and stressing them. Pause between words and phrases. Use less non-verbal communication (such as eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, body language) when a person is showing signs of anxiety.

Use visual supports and symbols.

Sensory input is important, so avoid noisy environment.

THE COGNITIVE DISABLED People with cognitive disabilities are sometimes a challenge to communicate with, especially if their disability is significant. However, in general, it helps to speak clearly, calmly and in a normal tone of voice. If the person makes an odd comment, don’t argue; calmly redirect the conversation. Keep the communication short and direct; be patient and repeat directions.

Have a friendly attitude.

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THOSE WITH A BRAIN INJURY A person with a brain injury may have speech that is difficult to understand, or a language problem which prevents them expressing their thoughts or finding the right words. They may have difficulty attending to what others are saying, processing information, organising their thoughts, and monitoring their own language. A person with brain injury may have difficulty using appropriate social skills and conversational rules, and may interrupt, dominate the conversation, constantly change topic, or say inappropriate things. Give them time to speak, be prepared to repeat.

Resist the urge to finish sentences or offer words. Communicate with drawings, gestures, writing and facial expressions, in addition to speech.

Be patient, flexible and supportive.

Take time to understand the individual, make sure the individual understands you and avoid interrupting the person.

THE SPEECH IMPAIRED When talking to a person with a speech impairment, resist the temptation to finish the person’s thoughts if they appear to be struggling. Let the person finish. If their message wasn’t understood, say so, but if after several tries the words are still unclear, have the person write their thoughts down. In consideration for the other person, ask some questions that only require a short answer, such as yes or no. Be patient and understanding, speak in your normal tone of voice. Use short sentences always.

THE HARD OF HEARING Speak in a quiet, peaceful environment.

Do not rush or shout, and it may be a good idea to bring along a pen and paper, so you can write words down if needed.

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INSPIRE

This month I am.. .…

Trying to solve. .

Reading..

Listening to..

Talk like TED

by Carmine Gallo How many of us have watched a TED talk and wished we could present that way. Held in more than 130 countries and viewed at a rate of 1.5 million times a day, TED talks have become the gold standard for public speaking around the world. Now, communications coach and bestselling author Carmine Gallo has broken down the top TED talks and interviewed the most popular presenters to get their insights and to reveal the nine secrets of all successful TED presentations. From ‘Unleashing the Master Within’ to ‘Delivering Jaw Dropping Moments’ Gallo provides a step-by-step method that makes it possible for anyone to create, design, and deliver a presentation that is engaging, persuasive, and memorable.

Ted Talk: 10 ways to have a better conversation Radio host Celeste Headlee believes we are not listening to each other, and in a world that is more polarised than ever, is there any 21st-century skill more important than being able to have a meaningful conversation?

In this insightful talk, she teaches us how to talk and – more importantly – how to listen.

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“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

– Mother Teresa

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“Communication is an art and a meaningful conversation is a masterpiece.�

- Jasz Gill