DADS DON'T BABYSIT

Daniel Wilkinson, Rural At-Home Dad

Words by Kelsy Bellah | Photos provided by Wilkinson Family

There is much to be said of the Wilkinson family. They are a foursome of eccentric interests in adventure and philosophy, paving new and inspiring paths through the heart of Texas.

Daniel and Yasmin Wilkinson arrived in Brownwood in 2016, when Yasmin accepted a position as the first female OBGYN doctor in Brown County’s history. Their first son came along in 2017, leading them to the decision for Daniel to leave his position as State Geologist of Texas and become an at-home dad.

“From the outset of our relationship, Daniel and I knew that we wanted to have a family, but we also knew my career would be a demanding one, a calling for which we both worked extremely hard and sacrificed much,” said Yasmin. “We recognized that if we wanted to play a hands-on role in our children’s lives, we couldn’t both have full-time careers. It made so much sense for our family for Daniel to stay home with the boys.”

The couple now have two wild and rowdy sons, Hayes, 5, and Hank, nearing 4. Life for the Wilkinsons may seem unconventional to many in the area, but it works for them.

Nearly five years into his role as a stay-at-home father, Daniel came across The National At-Home Dad Network, a non-profit organization dedicated to providing advocacy, community, education, and support to families where the fathers are primary caregivers for their children. The organization began in 2003 when three at-home dads in the Washington D.C. area envisioned a national network for men like them to find great local playgroups like the one they had found within their own city. Their purpose was to empower fathers and champion a culture that recognized them as capable and competent parents. They offer a national conference for at-home dads every year, joining together men from all over the country with similar family goals.

The NAHDN defines a stay-at-home-dad as a father who is the daily, primary

caregiver of his children under the age of 18, no matter his employment status.

Recently, the group began a weekly podcast series called Dad Stories on their audio show, DadHouse, where five hosts welcome dads who show up every day for their kids. On the first episode of the series, Daniel chatted with co-hosts Shannon Carpenter and Mick Freyermuth about his experience as an at-home dad, giving insight to masculinity misconceptions, isolation, and his own parenting ideology, all specific to his life in rural America.

Daniel explained that in central Texas the concept that a guy can raise a kid just doesn’t exist. “Here you’ll always be on the outside. It’s very isolating,” he said. Daniel is thankful for the dad group that he can talk to who understands his situation. “There are no assumptions made, no judgement,” Daniel said. He talked about the challenge of finding groups he fits into. While other men are working, moms often feel uncomfortable to include him in activities with their kids, because he will be the only male present. There is a lot of suspicion surrounding his attendance.

“But it’s interesting,” said Daniel, “because when you get to talking about things with these women, you find out you have a lot in common. I have a good idea about things like mom guilt, because I’m married to a working mom. I can relate. I can understand to a certain level.”

Yasmin added, “This new role has been both a challenge and a sacrifice for him, but it has also been extremely rewarding. And I am aware every time I work late or have a midnight delivery that our lifestyle simply would not work without Daniel’s willingness to take on full-time parenthood. Being a loving, nurturing, kind parent is not a gendered role, and I’m so proud of my husband for having the open-mindedness and open heartedness to tackle this difficult, but most important of callings,” said Yasmin.

“Best piece of advice, as a rural dad,” Daniel said, “is to just take a deep breath and do what’s best for your family.” He also suggested attending the NAHDN conference each year, where you will find other men, regardless of socioeconomic status or ethnicity, struggling with the same things. “Sometimes realizing that

NAHDN Conference, October 2022 in Wisconsin

you’re not alone, just helps. You see this group of guys, and they get you,” said Daniel. “If someone is constantly knocking you down about what you’re doing for your family, maybe you need to change your friends out. You’re going to need some support in different forms or fashions as you go through this. Without it, you’ll go down a dark hole.”

The socialization aspect of parenting maintains a geographical barrier in this part of the country, too. Not all families are able to just go down the street to find other kids to play with.

“These junior rodeos that we go to, we just get in with those families, but we’re all over the place. They may live four counties over, right down the road could be 20 miles,” said Daniel. For his family, a lot of connections are made through church, but also from striking up conversations at feed stores, sale barns, cattle auctions, and even aviation and rodeo groups.

Daniel stresses that it’s important to be active in seeking out relationships, despite any discomfort it may cause you, “Make an effort to make an opportunity, because your kids are watching you. They’re watching how you handle this. Even if you go in and completely screw up, they’re watching how you handle that as well. The reality is that some things work for you and some things won’t. As guys, we’re so worried about failing. Just take a deep breath and say, ‘I think this would be really good for my kids.’ Don’t limit what they can do based off your own personal fears.”

Finding opportunity is one of Daniel’s strong suits as a father. “I want my kids to have a skill set and know how to interact with folks. I want to instill a work ethic, the value of money, the ability to build with their hands,” said Daniel.

On their 300+ acre ranch in the Texas north hill country, the Wilkinson boys are growing up in a world filled with opportunities. Daniel often takes them exploring where the three of them will find dinosaur bones – or cattle bones disguised as dinosaur bones – and attempt to reconstruct a dinosaur. Daniel believes that it is important to make the magic come to life for your kids.

“Dad House is about the adventure. Dad House is about finding an educational or a recreational or any type of stimulating activity wherever you can,” added Shannon. “A lot of people think that if their kids don’t have their nose in a book or not doing something academic, then they’re just not learning anything, but what Dan is showing us is how there are so many different types of things out there to learn and it’s all about how you frame it. It’s so important, and it’s something that we as

adults forget about.”

Daniel holds his private pilot’s license and frequently hauls the family horse trailer with living quarters, allowing him to travel by land and air with his sons. Last year, he took them on a road trip to Colorado and returned to many advice-seeking questions about how to handle young children in a cooped-up vehicle.

“I don’t do iPads in the vehicle,” said Daniel. “There’s no screen time. So, we have a running conversation about what they see looking out the windows, and they ask, ‘what’s this, or what’s that?’” Daniel explained that his 4-year-old son can describe to his Pre-K teacher the difference between wind-turbines and water-well windmills.

“I want them to have a good idea about the world around them. There’s a lot of education that can be done while going down the road. And it’s about just carrying on a conversation with your kid,” said Daniel. “Establishing those lines of communication now is very important. If you can get them established now and keep them open, then theoretically it’ll make things a little bit easier when they get older.”

Daniel believes that an important aspect to childhood is being outdoors. “The more time you spend outside, the more these kids will blossom,” he said. “Take the time and be intentional. Spend time with your kids.”

However, outside in central Texas may not always the most kid-friendly setting. There are snakes and cactus and large vehicles with limited visibility that create dangers to our little ones. Daniel is vigilant in raising his boys with safety in mind.

“From an early age, it’s drilled into them that if you get near farm equipment, you wave. If we wave at each other, he knows that I see him, and vice versa,” said Daniel. “They ride with me on the tractor or while I’m doing skid steer work. It’s every little boy’s dream! You play with your toy trucks and cars, and then your dad shows up with a real one – it’s cool! But even still, there are grown men who can go out there and lose their minds like its one big playground.”

Parenting in Brown County is unlike other parts of the world, where things like busy streets are a chief danger. For rural parents, there is much more to be cautious of.

Daniel went on to add, “We have older horses, which the kids can crawl between their legs. Then we’ve got our young horses, the ones with colts, or babies, and that creates dilemmas and a whole other safety issue. Right out the gate we teach them how to approach one, what to watch out for, and we try to teach them how to read animals. The big thing is always being aware of your surroundings.”

“Now some days – on the tough days – it would be nice to have a nine-to-five job,” said Daniel, “but I wouldn’t get to watch the magic unfold.” He went on to explain that if he went back to work, it wouldn’t be in Brown County. He would be staying in hotels night after night, away from his family. Much like mom guilt, men often face their own version of dad guilt. “Men in general define themselves by their career, their job,” said Daniel. “Society tells us that you are less masculine if you don’t provide for your family. A lot of guys struggle with that.”

While raising children has predominately fell into the hands of women, times are different in a post-COVID modern world where technology and dual-income households allow men to provide for their families through remote jobs.

“Our boys are so blessed to have a Papa, who is so loving and so capable and can teach them so much. They have so many opportunities to explore, and travel, and be wild, and be themselves, because Daniel gives them the freedom and the space to do so. I am so blessed to have a partner with a servant’s heart for his family,” said Yasmin.

While not every family can stay at home with their children, it’s awe-inspiring to hear one man’s experience of stepping outside normal social practices to choose his family first. There is much to glean from our fathers, and one who submerges his children in the unrivaled experience of rural Texas has gifted them a childhood to cherish for a lifetime.

For more information about the National At-Home Dad Network, visit athomedad. org. You can find Daniel’s episode of Dad House at DadHousePod.com.