Coaching conversations - Manager's guide

Coaching conversations Manager’s guide

Introduction Business coaching could be used as one of number of styles of leadership to help your staff to do their best, to improve their thinking, make better decisions, solve problems that may be holding them back, learn new skills or even progress their career.

This guide is part of a suite of resources designed to support your understanding of the Performance Evaluation process. It explains how the principles of business coaching can be used in management situations and focuses on coaching for improving performance and/or behaviour. “Coaching is unlocking people’s potential to maximise their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them�

(Whitmore 2002)

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What does coaching involve?

Coaching is all about helping people to reach their full potential. It’s based on the belief that individuals want to, and can do, a good job.

The approaches and techniques used in performance coaching enable individuals to explore their motivations and overcome business blockers that might hold them back.

It’s about support and challenge and, in a workplace setting, can help individuals to make fundamental changes to their performance or behaviour.

Where learning is important, coaching can encourage individuals to improve their own thinking. A good business coach will help facilitate learning rather than directing it by using active listening and good questioning techniques.

There is no universally accepted definition of performance coaching but many experts have written on the subject.

“The art of facilitating the performance, learning and development of another” (Downey 2003)

“For me the basics of coaching are the basics of inspiring leadership. The human asset in most organisations is amazing – often beyond what others expect and highly capable of change. And what is required to unlock this potential? In my view, it’s not command-control or micromanaging. It is self-awareness, sincere belief in human potential, attentive listening and questioning. Does that sound like coaching?”

(Simon Brown – former VP for Microsoft)

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A common theme of these definitions is their focus on the individual and how improving their knowledge and skills helps them to perform more effectively.

This element of continuous improvement is key to the process of learning a new skill, or the achievement of a specific goal, and occurs over a set period of time.

One of the most important things to understand about coaching is that it is collaborative; it is all about human interaction. There are a number of skills that are key to good coaching conversations and we will explore these now in more detail.

High Support – High Challenge The mindset of High Support - High Challenge is the golden thread that provides you with the right balance in managing and supporting your team members. Too much challenge would mean that you are simply pushing them; too much support means that you are not pushing them at all.

CHALLENGE

HIGH

TASK MASTER

COACH

ABDICATOR COUNSELLOR

LOW

HIGH

SUPPORT You can use this tool to think about the level of support and challenge that you provide to your team members.

Low challenge/low support – Abdicator This approach may be useful when you have absolute confidence that the individual has a task or situation in hand. Be mindful not to spend too long in this space, as over-use may lead to a state of apathy for the individual.

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Low challenge/high support – Counsellor This approach may be useful when you have a new person joining your team. It could be someone new to role, or someone who is not clear of what is expected of them.

If over-used, this may lead to a state of dependency for the individual.

Low support/high challenge – Task master This approach may prove useful when you have a very experienced team member that you wish to delegate additional responsibility to. Ensure that you are confident in the individual’s ability to perform the task, based on what’s required and not just, for example, that you really like them! If overused this can cause a level of stress for the individual.

High support/high challenge – Coach This approach enables you to spend time challenging and supporting your team members.

It will encourage them to improve their thinking and should lead to better performance.

There will be times however, where reducing the amount of challenge you give to your team members is the right thing to do. Using only this approach could lead to them becoming frustrated.

It’s important that individuals take responsibility and make things happen themselves.

Responding well to a coaching approach will lead to sustainable change, skill development and improved performance.

Leadership styles The Six Leadership Styles is a concept developed by Daniel Goleman, an author and psychologist on behavioral sciences and an expert in emotional intelligence. It is his belief that good leaders adopt a certain style of leadership to meet the needs of different situations. Coaching is one of these styles.

We have worked with The Business Coaching Academy who have developed their own set of leadership styles. These are detailed below.

Coaching - this style is all about improving thinking. It encourages individuals to become more self-aware and to think about what they can do differently that will give them a better result. Coaching is owned by the individual and the coach is simply the enabler.

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Mentoring - this style focuses on the ability to impart your knowledge and teach using your expertise. It is more about ‘pushing’ information to the other person and is less likely to encourage individuals to arrive at their own solutions. Mentoring therefore is more about imparting knowledge and less about challenging the individual’s thinking, but is nonetheless an important style of leadership.

The Business Coaching Academy provides an example of how coaching and mentoring plays out in the working environment:

LISTENING REFLECTING PARAPHRASING = PUSH SUMMARISING QUESTIONING GIVING FEEDBACK MAKING SUGGESTIONS OFFER GUIDANCE GIVE ADVICE COACHING INSTRUCTING = PULL TELLING

MENTORING

The Business Coaching Academy

Counselling - this style relates more to something that has happened to an individual, so tends to focus on the past. This is less likely to be relevant in a work environment. Here qualified counsellors or therapists focus on the root cause of an issue to help individuals to recognise and deal with situations.

Training - this style involves you gaining an understanding of what needs to be learned and then providing the required training. It is about imparting knowledge or skills and will include a measure of the effectiveness of your training.

Authoritative - this style can be great in a crisis but can appear to be dictatorial and controlling if used consistently.

Consultative - this style involves you solving all the problems. This approach, if overused, can create a cultural dependence and can stifle the development of the individual.

Humanistic - this style will enable you to show empathy and understanding of others and offers a more holistic approach – you may think of this style as ‘walking a mile in someone else’s shoes’.

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Are you listening?

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply” (Stephen R Covey)

Listening is a critical skill. It encompasses communication through the actual words that are spoken, tone of voice and body language. Listening skills are probably the most crucial element of communication, and yet they are often neglected. The ability to focus fully on another individual and pay complete attention to what is being said is an art.

By not listening properly to what’s being said, we cannot possibly know what the other person wants or needs.

In a coaching conversation, it is important to actively listen to what you’re being told.

Here are some tips to develop your skills to become a more effective listener and communicator.

1. Avoid distractions and focus on the here and now It’s all too easy to find ourselves not only thinking about something else, but actively doing something else such as looking at our phones, listening to other conversations, or planning what we’re going to say next. These actions prevent you from hearing what is being said.

2. Pay attention to the non-verbal signs In addition to the words being said, pay attention to posture, eye-contact and gestures to get a deeper understanding of the message the other person is trying to convey.

3. Use non-verbal communication Use this to show that you are listening, by using appropriate gestures such as nodding.

4. Don’t interrupt Avoid the temptation to interrupt and let the other person finish before jumping in with questions or giving your own version of events. Silence itself can be quite powerful.

“To be interrupted is not good. To get lucky and not get interrupted is better… but to know that you are not going to be interrupted, that is very different... that is bliss!”

(Nancy Kline 1999)

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5. Paraphrase and summarise Do this to ensure that you have heard and understood what has been said to you.

It’s easy to make assumptions or misinterpret messages, so you can use this as a chance to check in with the individual. Alternatively, you can ask the individual to summarise back to you.

W.A.I.T - Why Am I Talking?

“We have two ears and one mouth, so that we can listen twice as much as we speak” (Mark Twain)

When someone else is talking, listen to what they are saying. Asking yourself “Wait, why am I talking?” is a technique to talk less and think before you speak. As a leader you are asked and expected to talk, but unless you have something important to say, you may be better served by asking questions and listening. Your questions will empower and motivate others and will invite them to think and act for themselves.

If you internalise ‘WAIT’ more often, you will pause before you say something and will develop the skill of speaking more deliberately and the skill of listening more effectively.

The power of great questions “Leaders of the 20th century had to know great answers. Leaders of the 21st century need to know how to ask great questions” (Drucker 1998)

Well planned and well-crafted questions can stimulate and guide the discussion.

Powerful questions are usually open-ended and empower the individual to discover answers, which in turn develops their thinking and knowledge, encouraging them to take responsibility.

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When asking questions, it’s important to keep your focus on the question, not on other things you may have going on, or on the next thing you’re going to say.

By asking good questions you will open new possibilities, explore assumptions and provide the opportunity for the individual to develop. Be genuinely curious and don’t make them feel that they are being judged or interrogated.

Great questions empower individuals and instil in them a sense of their own strength and self-worth. When you are truly asking good questions, you are sending the message that their ideas are worth consideration – they may even be better ideas than your own. Try to ask one question at a time so as not to confuse, and allow time for the individual to think about their answer. Short silences are okay.

Open questions Open questions elicit better thought through responses. They usually begin with what, who, where, when or how. Open questions are great for developing good conversations, finding out more detail or understanding someone’s opinion or issues.

Be careful of the use of “why” as this can sometimes come across as accusatory and may give the impression that you disagree with what’s being said.

“I keep six honest serving men that taught me all I knew, their names are What and Why and When and How and Where and Who…” (Rudyard Kipling)

Closed questions A closed question usually receives a single word or very short factual answer.

For example, “are you going to do that?” – the answer is yes or no. Closed questions are good however for testing your understanding of what someone has said or for concluding a discussion or making a decision.

Be mindful that a misplaced closed question can stop a conversation in its tracks.

Probing questions Asking probing questions is another strategy for finding out more detail. It can be as simple as asking someone for an example to help you to understand a statement that has been made.

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Coaching models We have identified two models that we believe provide the structure for having great coaching conversations.

1. The GROW Model The GROW Model is a simple but powerful framework and stands for Goal; Reality; Options; Will (or Way forward).

Goal

What is the aim of this discussion?

What would you like What does success to focus on? look like?

Reality

What is happening at the moment in relation to this?

What have you tried What’s holding you so far? back?

Options

What could you do to change the situation?

Who might be able to help you?

Will (or Way forward)

How does this meet your goal?

What support do you When precisely are need and from who? you going to start and finish each step?

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Which options do you feel are best given what we’ve talked about?

Below is a selection of questions that you can utilise when using the GROW Model: Goal • • • • • • • • •

What is the aim of this discussion?

What behaviour would you like to focus on?

What would you like to achieve from this conversation?

What would you need to happen for you to walk away feeling that this time has been really well spent?

What would you like to happen that is not happening now, or what would you like not to happen that is happening now?

What does success look like?

How will this be of real value to you?

How much personal control or influence do you have over your goal?

What would be a milestone along the way?

Reality • • • • • • • • • • •

What is happening at the moment in relation to your issue?

How do you know that this is accurate?

When does this happen? How often does this happen? Be precise if possible.

What effect does this have?

How have you verified, or would you verify, that this is so?

What other factors are relevant?

What is their perception of the situation?

What have you tried so far?

What results did that produce?

What is holding you back?

What is really going on?

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Options • What could you do to change the situation?

• What alternatives are there to that approach?

• Write down what possibilities for action you see. Do not worry about whether they are realistic at this stage.

• What approach/actions have you seen used, or used yourself, in similar circumstances?

• Who might be able to help?

• Which options do you like the most?

• Rate from 1 to 10 your interest level in/practicality of each of these options • What option will you choose?

Will • To what extent does this meet all your objectives?

• What are your criteria and measurements for success?

• When precisely are you going to start and finish each action step?

• What could prevent you from taking these steps?

• What personal resistance do you have, if any, to taking these steps?

• What will you do to eliminate these external and internal factors?

• What support do you need and from whom?

• What will you do to obtain that support and when?

• What could I do to support you?

• What commitment on a 1 to 10 scale do you have to taking these agreed actions?

• What prevents this from being a 10?

• What could you do or alter to raise this commitment closer to 10?

• Is there anything else you want to talk about now?

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2. The TORCH Model The TORCH Model was created by The Business Coaching Academy and is a great framework to help identify clearer objectives from wider topics.

TORCH stands for: Topic; Objective; Roadblocks, Choices; How Topic

What’s on your mind?

Objective

What specifically do What is your key you hope to get from challenge? this?

Roadblocks

Why haven’t you solved it already?

Choices

What choices do you What else could you What are the have? do? benefits and challenges of each?

How

So, what will you commit to?

What do you need my help with?

What’s holding you back?

What does success look like?

What’s stopping you What have you tried achieving this? already?

How high is your commitment?

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When precisely will this happen?

Below is a selection of questions that you can utilise when using the TORCH Model: Topic • Tell me what do you want to achieve from this coaching session?

• What’s going on with you?

• Explain how can I help?

• How do we ensure this is the best use of your time?

• What’s keeping you awake at night?

• Describe what’s happening?

• How’s life?

Objective • What specific objective do you want to achieve?

• Of all the things you mentioned, which is having the biggest impact on you?

• So where would you like to focus?

• What would you like to happen with this?

• What do you really want?

• What would you like to accomplish?

• What result are you trying to achieve?

• What outcome would be ideal?

• What do you want to change?

• Why are you hoping to achieve this goal?

• What would the benefits be if you achieved this objective?

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Roadblocks • What is happening now (what, who, when and how often)?

What is the affect or result of this?

• Have you already taken any steps towards your goal?

• What’s holding you back?

• What causes you the most worry?

• How would you describe what you did?

• Where are you now in relation to your objective?

• On a scale of 1 to 10, where are you?

• What has contributed to your success so far?

• What progress have you made so far?

• What is working well right now?

• What is required of you?

• Why haven’t you reached that goal already?

• What do you think is stopping you?

• What do you think was really happening?

• Do you know other people who have achieved that goal?

• What did you learn from this person?

• What have you already tried?

• What could you do better this time?

• If you asked <name> what would they say about you?

• On a scale of 1 to 10 how severe/serious/urgent is the situation?

• If someone said/did that to you, what would you think/feel/do?

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Choices • What are your choices?

• What do you think you need to do next?

• What could be your first step?

• What do you think you need to do to get a better result (or closer to your goal)?

• What else could you do?

• Who else might be able to help?

• What would happen if you did nothing?

• What has worked for you already? How could you do more of that?

• What would happen if you did that?

• What is the hardest/most challenging part of that for you?

• What advice would you give to a friend about that?

• What would you gain/lose by doing/saying that?

• If someone did/said that to you what do you think would happen?

• What’s the best/worst thing about that option?

• Which choice do you feel ready to act on?

• How have you tackled this/a similar situation before?

• What could you do differently?

• Who do you know who has encountered a similar situation?

• If anything was possible, what would you do?

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How? • How are you going to go about it?

• What do you think you need to do right now?

• How are you going to do that?

• How will you know when you have done it?

• Is there anything else you can do?

• On a scale of 1 to 10, what is the likelihood of your plan succeeding?

• What would it take to make it a10?

• What obstacles are getting in the way of success?

• What roadblocks do you expect or require planning?

• What resources can help you?

• Is there anything missing?

• What one small step will you take now?

• When are you going to start?

• How will you know you have been successful?

• What support do you need to get that done?

• What will happen (or, what is the cost) of you NOT doing this?

• What do you need from me/others to help you achieve this?

• What are three actions you can take that would make sense this week?

• On a scale of 1 to 10, how committed/motivated are you to doing it?

• What would it take to make it a 10?

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Structuring a meeting To structure a meeting where you use a coaching approach, you should consider the following steps:

1. Establish the Goal or Topic/Objective First, you and your team member need to consider what it is they are going to work on or to change.

Think about the principles of SMART when planning, so that the goal/objective is specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time bound.

2. Examine the current Reality/Roadblocks Ask the individual to describe the current reality or to highlight what’s preventing them from achieving their goal/objective. This is an important step and is often overlooked.

As the individual describes this, think about useful questions that you can use to elicit more information.

At this time, it may be useful to consider whether there is anything that might cloud their thinking or something that is preventing them from achieving what it is they need to do.

This could be something that the individual is aware of; something they’re fearful of, or it may be a limiting belief. A limiting belief is something that is believed to be true that limits the individual in some way.

It’s also possible that it could be something that is unknown to the individual or something they’re not aware of. This is called a ‘blind spot’, something that the individual is oblivious to, or that they may not be fully conscious of.

Generally, a blind spot is something that the individual may not be fully conscious of.

This might include values, habits, thoughts, actions, traits or feelings.

By identifying our blind spots and understanding them, we develop our self-awareness and when actively working on them, we become more conscious of our strengths and opportunities but also of the boundaries that we operate within.

The great thing is that there is always a blind spot to uncover allowing us to grow and develop each time we identify and tackle them!

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3. Explore Options/Choices Once you and your team member have explored the current reality and/or roadblocks, it’s time to think about what’s possible and what choices they have.

Think about all the possible options for achieving their goal/objective, even the ones that seem a little off the wall. Ask what else they might be able to do, or perhaps what the benefits and challenges are of each option/choice.

Just because you are coaching, doesn’t mean that you can’t provide some input. You just need to be careful with your delivery. This is a good time to offer your knowledge or experience. You could approach this by saying “I have some options and ideas, maybe they could help you here”.

4. Establish the Will (or way forward)/How By considering the current reality, identifying roadblocks and exploring what choices are available, your team member will now have a good idea of how their goal or objective can be achieved. This is great, but in itself is not enough.

The final step is to get them to commit to specific actions in order to move forward.

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