Presidential Humor

A cocktail of wit and wisdom from our nation’s leaders

WRITTEN BY Andrew Benson Brown ILLUSTRATED BY R.W.

George Washington

During George Washington’s presidency, cabinet meetings were set to begin at exactly 11 o’clock. Alexander Hamilton would usually arrive late, look at his watch, and claim it had deceived him. After a number of such occurrences, Washington replied: “Sir, you must provide yourself a new watch, or I a new Secretary.”

James Madison

In his final illness, James Madison was advised not to try to talk while lying in bed. “I always talk most easily when I lie.”

John Tyler

When William Henry Harrison died a month after his inauguration, Vice President John Tyler was raised to the nation’s highest office. His political enemies dubbed him “His Accidency.” Tyler, good-naturedly, demonstrated an ability to make light of this. Once, he conditionally accepted a dinner invitation in a letter, explaining that urgent duties often required him to cancel social engagements. He is “the creature of accidents,” he wrote, referring to himself in the third person, “being an accident himself.”

Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln once estimated that the Confederate army had over a million soldiers. When asked where he got this number, he said: “I know there are 400,000 men in the Union Army. And whenever we lose a battle, the general says he was outnumbered 3 to 1.”

Calvin Coolidge

Calvin Coolidge’s nickname was “Silent Cal.” A woman once approached him at a White House dinner, saying she had made a bet that she could get him to say three words. He replied: “You lose.”

Ronald Reagan

After an assassination attempt on March 30, 1981, Ronald Reagan’s aides gathered near his hospital bedside. Reagan said, “Hi, fellas. I knew it would be too much to hope that we could skip a staff

Richard Nixon

Richard Nixon once said: “Congress makes so many cuts that if they had to vote on the Ten Commandments only eight would pass!”

Harry Truman

Harry Truman preferred bold advisors, “Give me a one-handed economist!” he said. “All my economists say, ‘on the one hand, … but on the other.’”