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AMERICA’S TOP WEDDING MAGAZINE
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etiquette ADVICE
A Q Wedding
&
Straight talk, smart solutions by Mary Clarke, Editor in Chief
REHEARSAL REQUIRED?
Q
Is it really necessary to have a rehearsal for our ceremony? We’d much rather keep it loose and not plan anything too formal. No matter how loose, laid-back or informal you want your ceremony to be, it’s still necessary to have a run-through sometime before the big day. You and your spouse-to-be, your officiant, your bridal party and any others involved in the ceremony such as your musicians need to know who does what—and when. Otherwise you run the risk of confusion and unnecessary agita on the wedding day. A rehearsal needn’t take long, and once it begins you’ll be relieved that all involved are fully versed in the protocol.
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INVITATION ETIQUETTE
Q
I was surprised to receive an invitation to a friend’s wedding that was only addressed to me. She knows I’m engaged and has met my partner. Shouldn’t their name be on the invitation as well? The rule of thumb is to invite the partner of anyone who is married, engaged, living with someone or in a relationship of six months or more. Members of the wedding party should also be invited with a guest. If you happen to be living together then your betrothed’s name should have been written beneath yours on the envelope. If your spouse-to-be has their own place, your friend should have asked for their address and sent them an invitation. Perhaps she just assumes that you will both attend or inadvertently omitted your intended’s name on the envelope. Either way, it wouldn’t hurt to find out. Thank her for the invitation and ask if your partner is also invited: “I know the
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invitation is addressed only to me, but I assume my partner is invited as well and just want to confirm this with you.” If she isn’t inviting your spouse-to-be, she’ll need to explain this etiquette “don’t,” but our guess is that your partner is definitely on the guest list.
TOAST TIPS
Q
My fiancé’s best man is a great guy, but a bit unpredictable. I’m a little worried about the type of toast he may give. Any advice? Be open and honest about your expectations right from the start. You and your fiancé should make time to get together with your best man to discuss his toast and your vision for the wedding. Make it clear that you’d like his words to highlight the positive qualities of your relationship and answer any questions he might have. Creating and writing a good toast takes effort, forethought and practice, so invite him to collect funny, sweet or meaningful stories about and your fiancé from your families and friends. That said, as long as his speech is heartfelt and includes a little humor and sentimentality, you needn’t worry.
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BOTTLED UP
Q
My spouse-to-be and I are providing the alcohol for our wedding. For 75 guests, how many bottles of red and white wine and champagne should we purchase? Good question. Most couples don’t have any idea how many drinks per guest are needed. Here’s a guideline: One bottle of wine or champagne provides about five to six glasses and most guests will probably drink no more than two glasses per hour. So,
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depending on the time of day (guests are apt to drink more at an evening wedding) and your crowd (are they party people or a more subdued bunch?), you can figure on about 25 bottles each of champagne, red wine and white wine for 75 guests. You’ll also want to have plenty of soft drinks and water on hand (a liter for every three or four guests) and lots of ice. And ask your reception site manager if there’s a corkage fee—some places charge as much as $10 per bottle just for opening and serving beverages that you provide. Finally, request that both opened and unopened bottles are returned to you after the wedding.
FOOD ALERT
Q
We plan on serving beer, wine, sandwiches, salads and wedding cake at our afternoon reception. How should we let our guests know not to expect a full sit-down meal? It’s considerate to inform your guests about the type of meal they’ll be served so they can plan accordingly. On your wedding invitation, below the reception location information, state “light refreshments will be served.” You and your spouse-to-be can also spread the word to family and friends beforehand.
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››› Go to bridalguide.com/QA for more etiquette advice. And send your planning questions to us at mail@bridalguide.com.
Nov/Dec 2024 BRIDALGUIDE.COM 7
YOU’RE ENGAGED NOW WHAT? OUR ULTIMATE PLANNING GUIDE LAYS OUT EVERY STEP, FROM SPREADING THE WORD TO TAMING THE GUEST LIST.
FIRST THINGS FIRST
GET ORGANIZED Set up a spreadsheet or notebook with sections for each budget category. This way you can input the amount you want to spend on each item and then note your expenditures. As you near your limits, you can start to figure out ways to cut costs.
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SET YOUR SITES CEREMONY SPECIFICS. Finding an officiant and a ceremony site can be simple—if, say, you wish to marry in your hometown house of worship. Even if you’re no longer living in the area, you may have family who still are and can help out. Sometimes, for the sake of convenience, couples choose a place that’s in between their homes and their parents’. And then there’s the destination wedding: Just make sure that everyone you really want to join you and your groom can afford to travel and is able to make it.
THE RECEPTION VENUE. Think again about those wedding dreams, and see how they mesh with reality. Perhaps you envision a lush outdoor garden abloom with pink and white flowers. Fine, but what if you can’t find just the right place or the weather is an issue? Maybe there’s a quaint hotel with a pretty courtyard that would suit. Some couples find historic homes in their area to rent. Use local resources to narrow down options: a wedding planner or a recently married friend. Check wedding websites and bridal magazines. Then start scheduling visits.
PHOTOGRAPHY: CORINNE GRAVES PHOTOGRAPHY
• MAKE THE ANNOUNCEMENT. Some couples just don’t feel right if anyone knows their big news before their parents and other close family members do. If possible, tell both sets of folks in person. If your parents don’t live nearby, put in a special phone call or FaceTime. • DELVE INTO DREAMS. Sit down with your fiancé and talk ideas. Think about the style you envision, whether it’s a beach bash, a sit-down dinner in a ballroom or a ceremony on a mountaintop. No talk of money. Yet. • ROUGH OUT THE TIMING. While you don’t have to set a firm date now, it’s smart to have an idea of what month or season you want to marry in. Then you’ll know how long you have to get things organized. Because your wedding’s size determines where you’ll hold the party, how much it will cost (prices usually rise per guest) and whether travel will be involved, creating a guest list is one of the most important things to do. So make your list; your fiancé and both families should do the same. You can, and likely will, cut later, but this first number will be your base. • NOW TALK MONEY. It’s rare these days that the bride’s parents pick up the whole bill, so decide on your bottom line. Find out from both sets of parents if or how much they can contribute.
KNOW YOUR PROS Here’s how to hire the best.
PHOTOGRAPHY: (WEDDING PARTY) LAUREN FAIR PHOTOGRAPHY; (TABLE) PHOTOGRAPHY: CORINNE GRAVES PHOTOGRAPHY
• PHOTOGRAPHER AND VIDEOGRAPHER. The best ones usually book weddings many months in advance, so get on this one early. Gather recommendations from friends, then research what kinds of shots you’d like to see—formal portraits and dancing shots or a candid, journalistic format? Always ask to see other wedding albums the pro has done. • MUSICIANS. Arrange to hear musicians perform before you sign them on. Make sure they agree to stick to the playlist you give them, including any “do not play” tunes. Find out how they will dress and how many breaks they will take. Hiring a DJ is usually less expensive than a live band, but not always. • FLOWERS AND DECOR. Once you have your QUICK TIP reception site booked, you can decide on table Not sure what kind of album arrangements and other decorations. A hotel you want? Look for photograballroom might be a relatively blank slate, phers with a looser style and whereas a museum may need little more than many package choices on simple centerpieces. If you can buy fresh stems offer. You don’t have to make at a local farm, ask a talented friend to help up your mind right away. After put together bouquets and centerpieces. Or ask the wedding, you may even your florist to incorporate tons of greenery to want to get creative and make your own album. make fewer flowers look like a lot more. • CATERER. You want to know how dishes will taste and look and how flexible the caterer is with menus and prices. Don’t be afraid to bargain; you can cut costs by limiting the number and kinds of hors d’oeuvres served at cocktail hour.
MAIDEN VOYAGE When choosing your attendants, follow these tips:
• Explain to prospective bridesmaids what the role requires, like planning the shower and paying for their attire.
• Tell each ’maid that she’ll need to commit to a certain amount of
time and energy—and if she can’t, it’s fine for her to decline. • Choose as many or as few bridesmaids as you want. • Give your closest friend or relative the maid of honor position. • Include a female relative of your groom in your bevy of bridesmaids; it’s a diplomatic move that can only strengthen family relations.
ATTIRE ADVICE It’s not strictly necessary to know wedding place and time details before you shop. Whereas fashion guidelines were more rigid in the past (not wearing a glittery sheath for a daytime wedding, for example), the rules are looser now. But check with your house of worship; some require covered shoulders or heads. Start shopping whenever you feel pumped—and don’t forget to have your guy rent formalwear for himself and his groomsmen. ➺
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GUIDE
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HONEYMOON & DESTINATION WEDDING GUIDE Tickets to Paradise
PHOTOGRAPHY: IMAGE OF SUKHA SPA
What’s your idea of happily ever after? For one New Jersey couple, it’s sharing their love of food from around the globe in one of the world’s most exciting melting pots—Brooklyn, New York. Another duo opted to swap vows on an idyllic island that’s so intimate it feels like a completely private experience. Historic Nantucket island is a storybook destination with a different—but equally romantic—appeal. Speaking of heavenly, explore these spas with luxe, outdoor treatments, and experience some of our favorite resorts beyond the beach. Go all out when you set sail for a bachelorette weekend aboard a cruise ship, and say “I do” in a modern retreat on Long Island.
Get pampered in Costa Rica. Nov/Dec 2024 BRIDALGUIDE.COM000 55