The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 6

FREE • NEWS, VIEWS, MUSIC, FILM, CULTURE, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT FEBRUARY 10, 2011 • VOLUME 8, ISSUE 6 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

PULSE BEATS 4 SHADES OF GREEN 11 ON THE BEAT 17 LIFE IN THE NOOG 29 ASK A MEXICAN 38

FEBRUARY

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2011

ontents C

VOLUME 8, ISSUE 6 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

12 “I wish I could just time travel to the middle of the relationship, because dating sucks.”

— Matt Estes, on dating for the single man.

“Dating as a 25-year-old can be 13 ridiculously stressful. When is the date over? When should we make out?”

— Paige Chandler, on dating for the single woman.

“In today’s world, driven largely by 14 instant gratification, where are the guys out there that still believe in finding Mr. Right?”

— Jamyia Barr on dating for the single gay man.

15 “Have you ever

met someone in the supermarket?

Seriously?”

— Lysa Greer, on dating for the single mom.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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NEWS Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Michelle Pih, Townes Webb Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Kat Dunn Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Pulse Contributors Gustavo Arellano, Jamyia Barr Rob Brezsny, Wolgang Calhoun Paige Chandler, Chuck Crowder John DeVore, Matt Estes Lysa Greer, Joshua Hurley Phillip Johnston, Matt Jones Sandra Kurtz,Kelly Lockhart, Ernie Paik, Alex Teach, Tara V Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

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Pulse Beats

"Q"

“The council already has term limits.

It’s called an ‘election’.”

COA, Democratic Party Host “State of City” Forums

Local political action group Chattanooga Organized for Action (COA) announced last Thursday that it has partnered with the Hamilton County Democratic Party to host a series of forums called “The State of the City”. The series will alternate topics monthly, and each forum will be hosted the first Saturday of every month.

The Chattanooga Organized for Action group was born out of protests against the city of Chattanooga’s annexation of county neighborhoods, and was actively involved in the unsuccessful attempt to recall Mayor Ron Littlefield last year. The group decided to continue fighting for the rights of those they feel are being overlooked in the current economy and by the current political structure in the city and county.

“By the closing of 2010, the city of Chattanooga had finalized deals with several behemoth multi-national corporations, including Volkswagon, Alstom, Chattem, and Amazon,” said Chris Brooks, lead organizer with Chattanooga Organized for Action. “These companies will forever change the future of our city.

Chattanooga stands at a crossroads and as a city we must begin the process of determining what our future will look like. Who will be making these choices? What voices will be included in the debate? Whose interests will be served?”

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

— Chattanooga City Council Chairman Manny Rico, responding to a proposal from council member Deborah Scott to institute term limits for the group.

“At a time when corporate profits are breaking all historical records, but organized labor is at an all-time low in the private sector, and public-sector unions are under an aggressive attack, it is absolutely critical that we establish support for our neighbors, friends, and family members who work in unions and are the backbone of our economy,” said Jeff Brown, chair of the Hamilton County Democratic Party.

The two groups noted the importance of this opportunity for workers and citizens to engage one another in frank discussions about the future and to gather the momentum needed to move forward with a progressive vision for Chattanooga. This comes at a time when Chattanooga and surrounding areas have become more conservative, electing a Republican congressman, and helping to elect a Republican governor.

“All too often, the choices of greatest importance are defined solely by the narrow interests of corporate and political elites,” said Brooks. “We at Chattanooga Organized for Action believe there is a pressing need for a series of city-wide forums to serve as a platform for the voices that are being silenced, forgotten, or ignored.”

Whether the forums will bring disparate groups together or merely be another political example of “preaching to the choir” remains to be seen.

• Chattanooga-area economic development officials and political leaders are laying the groundwork for a long-term strategy. About 150 people showed up at a meeting last week to begin an effort that Chamber of Commerce officials say could lead to a 35-to-50-year road map to sustainable growth. The plan is called “Chattanooga Can Do: Building Tomorrow Today.” U.S. Rep. Chuck Fleischmann said it’s key to sustaining growth in the area, and that true growth will come from businessmen and women. County Mayor Jim Coppinger said he wants to sustain the momentum of the area’s growth. The initiative would deal with long-term, landuse planning, and also with issues such as population density, growth patterns and future road infrastructure and the financing of it.

• Chattanooga’s 4 Bridges Arts Festival has been recognized as one of the top arts fairs in the country. Art Fair SourceBook, the definitive guide to the best juried art and craft fairs in the United States, ranked 4 Bridges as one of the “Top 100 Fine Arts Fairs” for 2011. “This is one more step in the right direction on the road to becoming the one of the most highly recognized arts festivals in the country,” Jerry Dale McFadden, director of the 4 Bridges Arts Festival, said. “We will have better artists want to apply to the show next year and more people who want to attend because of this ranking.” The 4 Bridges Arts Festival will take place April 16 and 17 at the First Tennessee Pavilion, with expected attendance of more than 18,000.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

OPINION

Modern Relationships

A Clarion Call For Romantic Intervention

By Wolfgang Calhoun, Special to The Pulse

S

o I was out bumbling around on Frazier Avenue looking for a job, as is typical for me every few months, and I felt the need to visit the gentlemen’s room come on me all of a sudden. I was in front of a new restaurant and I hadn’t been inside yet—it looked nice, so I went in to check out their facilities. At a high table, I saw an elegant lady with her face frozen somewhere between feigned interest and compassion for the well-dressed if slightly balding man who was yakking away at her like he was in a telephone booth.

I put this tragedy out of my mind and went to inspect the facilities. But my thoughts returned to the “couple” outside, and I considered what I could do to help this poor man show this nice lady a good time. I thought about going up to them and telling him to shut up, that he won’t be taking her to bed any time soon trying to show her how smart he is and how-much-he-understands-about-theworld.

is now subordinate to “knowing” and “understanding.”

Sensuality is discovery. If we know everything, there is nothing left to discover and our senses, the smell of a woman, the way her ribs rise and fall with each breath… all lost. I am powerless, I thought, to help these poor people. Here they are, in the daylight and sober, looking so good—and there is not a trace of erotic tension between them.

Though they might hook up later this week, or maybe the next, protecting their fragile egos with nonchalant texting and phone games, doing everything they can to prove to themselves and others that really, they don’t need anyone, that they are happier alone, while they stay out too late drinking too much on Friday and Saturday night, jumping from partner to partner, looking for the magic that they sometimes think they experience, but more often than not is only the cheap parlor tricks of powerful cosmetic corporations.

Enough of this, I thought to myself as I washed my hands and exited the men’s room, turning once more to check out the “couple.” They were still across from one another, he, talking still about what being-in-a-relationship means to him. I wanted to say, “Bro, there is no relationship. You don’t even have a relationship with yourself. Just stop talking, bro, please, just shut it for a second, and really look at that pretty lady over there who has deigned to share a meal with you. Look beneath those glassedover eyes of hers and find the little girl inside who just wants you to hold her and tell her it will be all right.”

If we don’t fix these problems, there won’t be any people left on this planet—maybe even within our lifetime. We’re talking about romantic suicide, the end of reproduction as-

“Sensuality is discovery. If we know everything, there is nothing left to discover and our senses, the smell of a woman, the way her ribs rise and fall with each breath…all lost.”

Understanding must be demonstrated by listening to her. I thought, maybe I could pull him aside and tell him these things without talking down to him in front of his lady, a grievous faux pas among true gentlemen.

Then I thought, no, the whole situation is useless, you are powerless; the entire society is coming to an end; sensuality

we-know-it. We have to stop all this hooking up and texting baloney. What you want is love. What you want is to wake up from a hot night of love and bring coffee and eggs to her. What you want is to stay together all day Sunday.

I’m telling you, that won’t be possible with this dishonesty crap and cold (real or feigned) disinterest. You, gentlemen, have to protect her, walk beside her, never in front of her. What if an enemy comes behind and kidnaps her while you aren’t looking? And you, ladies—well, who am I to tell you what to do, but ask yourself: Have you let yourself be silenced?

“A wise man speaks because he has something to say, a fool because he has to speak.”

— Plato

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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NEWS

Politics & Crime A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

Here is one of the agenda items to be discussed at the Tuesday, February 15 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

6. Ordinances – First Reading: a) An ordinance to amend Part II, Chattanooga City Code, Chapter 17, Article I, Section 17-1, relative to the adoption of the International Fire Code, 2006 Edition, including all referenced standards and publications specified therein, and the 2006 National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) 101 Life Safety Code in its entirety for certain specified occupancies, including existing buildings, as defined by the 2006 NFPA 101 Life Safety Code, as the official fire code of the City of Chattanooga; and to amend Sections 17-2, as to appendices, and 17-3 as amendments to the Code.

This ordinance, deferred from January 18 for further study, could have a major impact on local businesses if passed. Many business owners say they do not have the resources to install very expensive sprinkler systems and would have to close if this ordinance passes.

Fire officials say the adoption of the code is necessary to protect both citizens and the city itself from lawsuits over fire deaths in unprotected buildings.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the current agenda, and past minutes, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_Council

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• What makes an 11 year old call in bomb threats? That’s the question foremost in fire investigators’ minds after they arrested a preteen girl in connection with two separate bomb threats that were made last month.

One threat was made at the Orange Grove Center on January 13, and the second one was made at Chattanooga Christian School on January 18. In both incidents, no explosive devices were found. Lt. Anthony Moore with the Fire Investigation Division said the girl has been charged with two separate counts of filing a false report (i.e. making a bomb threat) and was taken to the Juvenile Detention Center for booking. The motives behind her threats remain unclear.

• Generations of children have learned that grandmothers may be older, but they can still be a force to be reckoned with. A 22-year-old Bradley County man found this out the hard way after he was able to escape being booked in the county jail and fled to a local daycare center. There, a woman was dropping off her grandson when the man ran up and asked if the daycare center had a phone he could use. Instead, she used her

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

cell phone to call police. They were able to corner the escapee in a construction company stockyard. The man will now face an additional seven-to-nine years for his escape attempt, and will likely remember to not mess with any more grandmothers.

• Stealing gumball machines is no way to go through life. Hopefully, that’s a lesson one 20 year old learned last week, after being confronted by the owner of a number of stolen candy dispensers.

The alleged thief was recognized by the gumball-machine owner at an East Ridge supermarket, and the two ended up in a brief physical altercation in the parking lot. Police arrived quickly to find the gumball owner had easily bested his opponent and had him on the ground waiting for officers to arrive. It turned out the man was also wanted on theft charges in Sweetwater, TN. He sustained minor injuries in the altercation, and was eventually transported back to Sweetwater on the outstanding warrant.

• What is humiliation and what is health safety? A group of inmates at the Whitfield County Jail say they were humiliated by being held naked for 12 hours and forced to spread cream on their bodies. Capt. Wesley

Lynch said the inmates were made to disrobe to combat an outbreak of body lice in one of the cell blocks, which had to be decontaminated. He says an ointment was applied to the inmates to kill the lice. However, two inmates have filed a federal lawsuit that seeks $5 million. They say more than two dozen inmates had to undergo the treatment. Capt.

Lynch did admit that one employee was given a formal written reprimand after the incident, but says the procedure was necessary for health and safety reasons.

NEWS

Commentary

100 Black Men My Dad is one of the men in your story last week [“The Power of 100 Black Men”], and I’m so very proud of him. It takes a strong, moral based, and dedicated black man to teach a boy to be the same.

When you take a duty of this magnitude without seeing “one red cent”, you have to love what you do, and it shows in the mentees helped by the organization as a whole. We need a lot of help for all our black youth in all communities. Times are getting tight and children learn deadly bad habits that they carry on throughout life.

It’s called 100 Black Men, but actually it’s thousands!

D. Oglesby Dr. Rick And Drumming Well said, Dr. Rick [“Healing Is As Healing Does”, Shrink Rap]. The drum circle leaders were amazed and pleasantly surprised at how quickly the group, mostly drumming novices, got into the rhythm and kept up with the tempo changes. It was a marvelous group “trip”, at once calming, centering bonding, invigorating, and fun.

Lynne

Send all letters to the editor and questions to

info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

Unhappy With Greenlife Sale I’m tired of being lied to about the food we eat. That’s why I started shopping at Greenlife. I felt like I could trust them when they said “local food”, “organic”, or “all natural”. Then they sold out to Whole Foods and I don’t even know what those phrases mean anymore. They might as well have sold to Walmart in my eyes.

James Spruill No Slavery In History Books?

The Tea Party of Tennessee apparently wants to remove incidents of slavery and genocide from American textbooks for fear they would besmirch the image of the Founding Fathers. A report from Memphis quoted Tea Party organizers saying that “no portrayal of minority experience in the history which actually occurred shall obscure the experience or contributions of the Founding Fathers, or the majority of

citizens, including those who reached positions of leadership.” The issue of revising curricula to teach history in a manner that encourages the glossing over of the uglier factors of the past has popped up in other states over the past year. Forty-three years after the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King, can you believe this is going on?

B. Pond McKamey Needs Your Help The McKamey Animal Center currently has 169 animals that are ready for their forever homes today. However, we average 200 animals entering the Center each week. The winter months are typically the slowest time of year for adoptions, but these animals need your help. Through February 14th McKamey will be having a Sweetheart Special just in time for Valentine’s Day. All adoptions will be half off the regular adoption fee. All animals are spayed or neutered, up to date on their vaccinations and microchipped. We promise you will find your one and only who will stay loyal to you for the rest of his life.

Karen Walsh www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

OPINION

Shades Of Green

The Importance of Curing Nature Deficit Disorder “N

ature Deficit Disorder.”

Ever heard of it? According to Richard Louv in Last Child in the Woods, a lot of our children are afflicted—and it’s not a good thing. Kids are so plugged into TV, video games and other electronic media that they have lost their connections to and experiences in the real natural world.

In Louv’s book, a fourth-grade child was asked about playing in nature. He answered, “I like to play inside better, ’cause that’s where all the electrical outlets are.” In fact, kids average about 6 to 7.5 hours a day (32-40 hours per week) in front of some kind of electronic media, presumably indoors.

In comparison, they devote only 4-7 minutes per day outdoors in unstructured play.

What’s the big deal? This is shocking news, given the latest medical and school performance information showing that experiences in nature affect healthy development and society as a whole.

immune systems, improves balance, and develops better coordination.

School performance improves due to reduced stress, improved concentration, increased creativity, and more self-esteem.

According to the a 2007 article in the American Journal of Public Health, playing outdoors lessens symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Instead of prescribing pills, doctors should write prescriptions for hours a week playing outdoors.

Environmental educators and schoolhealth coordinators are working on the problem. Tennessee was awarded “Race to the Top” federal money to improve the state educational system.

Both the Every Child Outdoors Coalition and an environmental working group were formed to work on infusing environmental literacy into educational standards and to get children outdoors.

A “Child Bill of Rights” was adopted by the Tennessee legislature, which says every child before entering high school should have the opportunity to walk in the woods, camp under the stars, play outside, learn to swim, climb a tree, go fishing, grow a garden, watch wildlife, explore nature, fly a kite, and visit a farm. (See www.everychildoutdoorstn.org.) Also, the Tennessee Commission on Greenways & Trails has a web site where one can search for nearby greenways. Here in Chattanooga, we can boast of a fine and growing greenway system.

Sandra Kurtz

Children will be smarter, better able to get along with others, healthier and happier when they have regular opportunities for free and unstructured play in the outof-doors.

— American Medical Association, 2005 study Many problems are solved when kids play outside.

First, it is good for your health. More than a third of our kids are obese—and that has doubled in the last 20 years. Physical activity reduces obesity and the diabetes that often goes with it. It also builds stronger

(Find the list at www.connectwithtn.com.)

Let’s face it: Most adults are poor models. We sit for hours in front of computers, communicating on Facebook, using fancy phones, surfing for YouTube videos, and watching television. Families gather together and never speak as each plays with an electronic media toy. Communicating face to face seems a lost art.

We can all play a part in curing Nature Deficit Disorder—and we must lest we have a generation that neither understands how important a healthy natural world is to our very survival nor cares. Diminished creativity and ability to work with others hinders possible solutions to environmental issues. We can’t leave this to teachers alone.

“We can all play a part in curing Nature Deficit Disorder—and we must lest we have a generation that neither understands how important a healthy natural world is to our very survival nor cares.”

Get outdoors. Be healthier yourself. Grab a child and take a walk. You don’t have to be a naturalist.

Make outdoor experiences possible for children. Allow them space to play together even if you just stand to the side to assure their safety. Free-range children are sorely needed now.

Sandra Kurtz is an environmental education consultant, a former classroom teacher and a founder of Tennessee Environmental Education Association. Presently she is executive co-director with the Urban Century Institute, a local nonprofit organization promoting sustainability and sustainable thinking.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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COVER STORY

Dating In Chattanooga

It’s a Love Jungle Out There With Valentine’s Day nearly upon us again, we asked for views on the dating scene from some valiant friends. We think you’ll be interested in what they had to say.

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

A Man's Story

Wanting to Build the House

By Matt Estes, Special to The Pulse

At the age of 32, dating usually feels like something I have to do—not

something I really want to do. Planning a night out with a beautiful new gal feels, at times, like I’m gearing up for a day of intensive manual labor.

Truth be told, I want to build “the house” and live warmly in it, but the brick-by-brick process...well, that’s a pain in the ass.

I remind myself to push through the butterflies and, perhaps, something special may come of these uncomfortable feelings. But only in the rarest of instances do I feel completely confident in dating. Still, my mother always reminds me, “She’s out there. And she’s worth all the trouble.” But no matter how the date begins, the thought of building a personal history with someone is the most difficult part for me. I wish I could just time travel to the middle of the relationship, because dating sucks.

I’ve looked at faded pictures of my parents and wondered what it was like for them. When I was young, their relationship was my dating template. When I was not so young, the flaws that surfaced within their marriage were an uncomfortable reality. And when I was a young man, they divorced, married other people, and moved on with their lives. So I didn’t have that romantic childhood faith as a dating foundation anymore. It’s old news now and, obviously, I’m over it. That is—until I go out on a date at the age of 32.

Recently, I experienced one of the best dates ever. After a few stumbling words and even more drinks, I couldn’t believe how much fun I was having.

It was easy to look into her eyes. She’d randomly touch my hand when I said something funny. And she picked up the tab. It doesn’t get better than that. Unfortunately, the best date I ever had wasn’t a date at all.

She’s with someone. Apparently, our night was just a “friend thing.” But driving home, I was so thankful to spend time with that amazing woman with long dark hair and big eyes.

Perhaps it’s a character flaw, but I look past the first date. If there’s a genuine spark, I’ll wonder if she could love me for the rest of my life. Or if she’ll just love until she doesn’t.

COVER STORY

Dating In Chattanooga

A Woman's Story

Let’s Get Off the Sofa

By Paige Chandler, Special to The Pulse

F

irst of all, let me reveal something important: Sitting on a sofa with you does not count as a date. It doesn’t matter if we’re watching your favorite episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia or if I’m watching you play a quick game of Call of Duty. Still not a date. That being said, I certainly don’t mind putting on my favorite pajamas and curling up for a night with a boy of interest (note: this night should include wine). The question for my fellow 20-somethings-recently-graduated is this: What happened to dating?

up (with both sets of friends present, of course). There’s no real date, no opportunity to have any one-on-one conversation, and certainly no dropping you off at the end of the night, because neither of you should be driving, shame on you. From this point on, you and Boy play a back-and-forth game of texting, drinking, hanging out on couches, playing beer pong, and ordering pizza. Regardless of hangout situation, you have the safety net of the not-dating scenario to depend on at all times. You never truly put yourself out there for someone because of the safe and comfy world of “just hanging out.” Am I wrong? Tell me I’m wrong.

I’m not trying to hate on young daters. Dating as a 25-year-old can be ridiculously stressful. When is the date over? When should we make out?

OMG, will he think I’m a slut? (Maybe.) A lot of guys aren’t yet used to asking girls on a date (and taking her home…and leaving), and many girls are too scared to commit to anything they can’t easily block on Facebook. I think it’s time for us all to get a little more adventurous. We come from the age of personal blogs, YouTube, and (heaven help us) reality television.

We aren’t strangers to the idea of sharing our emotions and experiences with others. We just need to let go of our safety nets and go on more dates. Let’s save the sofa sitting for later in life.

“Dating as a 25-year-old can be ridiculously stressful. When is the date over? When should we make out? OMG, will he think I’m a slut?”

In college, a cycle occurs that our parents will never understand. Girls flock to bars in cute dresses and heels.

We take some shots, occasionally make out with a boy, and do our best to end up at home in our beds. We eat ramen noodles in our sweatpants and repeat the cycle until we meet someone worthwhile. I’m sure the process is similar for guys, although I assume they’re slightly less concerned with ending up in their own beds.

Once you meet this boy of interest, the next step is to text, Facebook, or find some other passive way to meet

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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COVER STORY

Dating In Chattanooga A Gay Man's Story

The Gay Dating App…or Not

By Jamyia Barr, Special to The Pulse

A

re you single and gay in Chattanooga? Don’t fret… there’s an app for that. Modern technology and the overactive male libido have joined forces so that anyone with just a GPS-enabled phone and the proper stimulation can search for and connect with Mr. Right Now, based not on personality or any real connection, but on proximity alone. In today’s world, driven largely by instant gratification, where are the guys out there that still believe in finding Mr. Right?

Ever since my unsuspecting father told me, “Marry a man.

Life would be so much easier,” I’ve always pursued relationships intending to find the one that would last forever. The requirements for my future husband have always been pretty basic.

Or so I thought.

• Attractive. Not specific to race, size, or age. Love is blind and I truly believe everyone is attractive to SOMEONE out there.

• Fun. Everybody knows I like to have a good time.

I have to have someone with an adventurous streak.

• Smart. I kinda dig nerds…what can I say?

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

• Honest and trustworthy. I always thought that was selfexplanatory, but I’ve learned otherwise.

Dating in Chattanooga, good or bad, has resulted in learning experiences. The Supremes were right: You can’t hurry love. I’ve also come up with some theories about gay men. Every man does not have the same relationship rules or goals. Some don’t date. Some don’t want to settle down. Some would even argue that men aren’t programmed to be with one person for life.

Heartbreak and disappointment can lead to feelings of failure, which then leads to bitterness. Why keep searching for something that it seems the universe is trying to say does not exist?

The answer: Because things happen when they’re supposed to.

The truth is when you stop believing, you’re letting yourself down.

Here I am now, 30 years old. One hundred percent failure rate as of December. I could say “the planets aligned” or something, but the truth is I’ve been on a journey to this point in my life all along. I just met a guy who reminds me of all the good I knew was in the world. I hope he wants to stick with me on the rest of my journey, and if our two-year anniversary is actually going to be the Day the World Ends, I can’t think of a better way to go.

COVER STORY

Dating In Chattanooga

A Mother's Story

The Single Mom’s Experience

By Lysa Greer, Special to The Pulse

“J

ust stop looking and that’s when you’ll meet the perfect guy.” “There are other fish in the sea.” “Just hang on—your prince will come soon.” REALLY? REEEAAALLLLY!? Have you actually been in the dating pool lately? It’s a jungle out there! And the animals in these woods have lost their minds as well as their morals! When the subject of dating comes up in any circle, it’s amazing to me how much I cringe. First, a little background: I’m a single mom…was married eight years to a man who didn’t really want marriage…and I have two beautiful boys. I’ve been divorced five years, and I’ll be frank—dating as a single mom is tough. Actually, it’s downright impossible. And here’s why—time.

First, trying to meet someone is difficult…time being the biggest issue. A mom can’t spend evenings circling “the scene”, and is often doing homework or packing lunches, and if she had the time would probably opt for a hot bath versus a night out prowling. My personal favorite is when articles suggest you can meet a man anywhere, like at the supermarket, or the gym. Sure, I’ll strike up a conversation while my child is sampling the grapes in the produce section. Besides, have you ever met someone in the supermarket? Seriously? I wish it were It’s that easy: “Interesting Single Guy on aisle 7!” rare that Now, let’s say you’re one of the blessed moms and actually meet a person wants to a decent guy. Next comes the date…and the inevitable question/ be alone.

Most people strive answer segment that reminds me of job interviews. I love when the for human contact and want that question comes up about kids. If you’re lucky, the guy is OK with bond to be formed with another, but, in this them, or has a few of his own. But beware—I actually have dated day and age of self-satisfaction, it’s hard to find the right fit. Dating men that said it was no problem that I had children—at first. Then, three months later, tell friends, “I have no intention of being some is riddled with games, hit-and-missed opportunities and sometimes a language I don’t speak. kid’s daddy.” NEXT. Bottom line is: Single parents don’t have the time to waste.

They barely have time to go over their child’s homework, let alone worry about whether they can carve out an evening for a date.

But, when a date finally does arrive, they make the most of it, and, expect their time to be treated as golden. Why? Because there isn’t any to squander. A single parent is already It’s tough meeting quality men these days, whether you’re a burdened with feelings of guilt, fatigue and at times, disappointment. mother or not. Then, if you do, the dating process with kids becomes The last thing they need is someone who can’t be truthful about their murky. When does everyone meet? How often can you see each intentions.

So, when you’re getting out there, with or without kids, be honest other? And all the same issues single people without kids face, you with yourself about what you want. If you don’t think you can handle also face—but when it ends, it’s not just your heart that’s broken… possibly being a parent to someone else’s child then, don’t date a it’s your kids’ hearts as well. Did I say I wanted to date? H’mmmm… single parent. maybe it’s not so bad being alone.

For other single parents out there, I wish I had some magic wand Here’s another thing to ponder when meeting single parents: the choice to raise kids alone wasn’t exactly what they had planned. Un- that would create perfect companions for you, but alas, I find myself less you consciously made that choice, generally people get married, in the same dating pool, and as of late, have landed very few viable fish. have kids, and plan to raise them together, as a family.

But I won’t give up! One day, I hope, I will meet a man who will Single moms and dads are thrown into a tailspin when divorce happens. Juggling careers, raising your family alone, shouldering the accept and love my children as I do, and will enter the world of comresponsibilities of both mother and father is hard. Then, you’re ex- mitted relationships. Until then, I’ll simple settle for the ravioli on pected to handle dating? Just like any other person, you want to give aisle 6 and look forward to my game of UNO tonight with my two sons. A PERFECT date, if I do say so myself. and receive love and possibly be in a committed relationship.

“But beware—I actually have dated men that said it was no problem that I had children—at first.”

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

OPINION

On The Beat

St. Valentine Meets St. Ides I

was still in training the first time I worked a Valentine’s Day shift. Had I been in a relationship at the time, I might have even recognized the day on the calendar, but back then it was as stimulating as President’s Day or Columbus Day was as far as I was concerned, so I neither knew nor cared. (Being in a relationship now, I of course treat it with the same reverence as I do Christmas or St. Patrick’s Day’s, but that’s another story.)

Since I was in training, it was the equivalent of a civilian ride-along—but with two crucial differences: I had to wear an outfit resembling a 1970s-era gas-station attendant (replete with light-blue polyester collars whose points nearly touched the shirt pockets), and I was ordered to do it on my own time… also known as “for free”.

Luck of the draw placed me in East Chattanooga on midnight shift (a place I’d get to know fondly as my career moved forward) with a five-year veteran who was neither a training officer nor a pleasant man, but what was the difference? We were both prisoners. For me, though, it was only one night, whereas for him it was his tenth day of a 12day shift.

He had to clean out his passenger seat to make room for me, which is a galactic inconvenience for even a remotely pleasant cop; he did so without saying a word, and only regarded me once we had fueled up what was literally the oldest car in the fleet and had began our journey into darkness. (I’m speaking literally: That place is DARK at night.)

“Bad enough I gotta work Valentine’s Day,” he said without looking. “Now I gotta work it with you in th’car.

Nothing personal, but this is just bullshit.” (He pronounced

“bull” as “bool”.) I did not contest his opinions.

He continued on without need of my input. “Every year, it starts off with glossy pink jewelry ads in the papers and folk selling plastic roses with blinking lights inside ’em… even the little crack pipes with tiny flowers in them at the Golden Gallon counters have meaning for once,” he said as I tried to keep my feet from sliding around on what appeared to be a stop sign bolted to the floor to cover a rusted hole. “But it always ends with a fight. No-count asses smoking up or gambling the jewelry money away, or just plain forgetting what day it is and their ol’ladies firing them up with a mop or some shit…whatever. &#% Valentine’s Day.” I nodded thoughtfully, but kept my mouth shut. (I was positively thick with self-preservation and common sense…then.)

The shift had begun at 10:15 p.m. and true to his word, as the hours progressed, so did the blood alcohol content of the indigenous peoples, and thus the domestics started rolling in.

At 3:30 a.m. or so, we were dispatched to a domestic disorder with a knife on Camden Street, and we arrived in time to see a woman staggering across her yard swinging a long boning knife back and forth as if swatting at flies.

(Unfortunately for her backwards-walking husband, he was the fly.)

Before we could get out of the car, during one of her swings the actual knife blade flew out of its handle, sparkling in its arcing descent into a nearby rosebush. Such was the

Alex Teach

quality of her intoxication, however, she didn’t even notice this…but her husband did, and went from raising his arms defensively to placing one powerful punch solidly to her forehead.

I’m not sure what I expected to happen next, but what I did not expect to happen was for her to look stupidly at the empty handle for a moment, then vomit explosively from a standing position. And the officer I was riding with? He just laughed and laughed, then stood over her where she had fallen and said “That St. Ides is a BITCH, ain’t it?!” (I noticed the empty 40-oz. bottle on the porch about that time.)

“Every year, it starts off with glossy pink jewelry ads in the papers and folk selling plastic roses with blinking lights inside ’em…even the little crack pipes with tiny flowers in them at the Golden Gallon counters have meaning for once.”

She went to jail and I went home…but I remember thinking this can’t possibly be what the job is like.

I was wrong. It is. And he was right: That St. Ides is a bitch. (I feel its headache coming on already.)

Happy Valentine’s Day, Constant Readers.

(Epilogue: That cop later quit and became a successful CPA in Cleveland, Tennessee. A few years ago, that might have surprised me, too.)

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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MUSIC

Feature

A Selected Box of Valentine Music Treats

By Tara V, Pulse Music Writer

O

h, Valentine’s Day… How do I love thee/Let me count the ways…

I’m not sure if it’s because I am now married or because I still don’t quite understand St. Valentine that I must ponder a designated day for love. However, the woman in me loves the day and with it being on a Monday this year, the idea of celebrating a full weekend of love is a wondrous option.

After many debates on presents, staying in or going out, and the stale but traditional red roses, I have come to the conclusion that a few events this weekend will ensure a good time for you and your mate. There’s even an option for my singles that just want to dance away the holiday or spread their love in new and progressive ways.

“I have come to the conclusion that a few events this weekend will ensure a good time for you and your mate.”

JJ’s Bohemia VDAY featuring The Two Man Gentlemen Band/Blair Crimmons/The New Binkley Brothers This is the perfect night for either side of the love equation.

Besides these favorite regional and local bands, there will also be a presentation of stag films, a burlesque dancer, the infamous kissing booth and homemade Valentine’s Day cards. I feel that glitter and full-grown men dressed as Cupid may be in order. This will be the fourth year of VD celebrations and from the pictures I’ve seen, it is never a letdown.

Sunday, February 13 $7 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

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Mani-Fest IV: Love and Other Struggles This is a perfect night for the love-wounded that want to meet other interesting minds or that couple looking for something different. Christian Collier and the gang come together to express their dealings in love with poetry and music. The night will be split between poets such as Christian himself, Marcus Ellsworth, and Brandi Alexander. Newer poets such as La-Tesia Poole and Britni Bridgeforth, who is a current student at UTC, will also be sharing the stage. Then dance it off with DJ Flannel and know that all proceeds will benefit the Chattanooga Area Food Bank.

Friday, February 11 $8 8:30 p.m.

The CampHouse, 1427 Williams Street www.thecamphouse.com An Intimate Evening with Avery Sunshine This event is for the true romantic. Songwriter, pianist and jazzasoul recording artist, Avery Sunshine will swoon couples singing hits from her self-entitled debut album. This Atlantabased jazz, gospel and neo-soul artist has worked behind the musical scenes for many years, including on productions such as Dream Girls and several Tyler Perry productions. Sunshine’s vocal and stage presence has been compared to the legendary Chaka Khan, Jill Scott, and Ledisi. Opening for Avery Sunshine is local R&B group Reel Tight. This group, comprising four Chattanooga natives, was discovered in 1997 by rapper and producer Warren G. Sunday, February 13 $25, music and dinner 7 p.m.

The Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. MLK Boulevard. www.bessiesmithcc.com Make It Over with Music PaintMedia and The Honest Pint have joined forces to present a showcase of local music and performers for a full day

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

of spreading the love to a local family. This family just happens to be the one chosen to have their house made over by Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Music begins at 2 p.m. and will continue into the night with acts such as Glowing Bordis, Ashley and The X’s, BackWater Still, Go Get Em Sheriff and many of our favorite local musicians. Also making an appearance will be the Comedy Men of Chattanooga and the Merrybellies Dancers. This event is perfect for those couples or singles looking to give to others this holiday, instead of buying another microwave or dozen roses. For a full line-up, please visit The Honest Pint Facebook page.

Sunday, February 13 $5 suggested donation 2 p.m. until close The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Parkway No matter if you want to be traditional, plan a get away to the islands (hint, hint, hubby) or just stay in and eat Chinese take-out, save it for Monday. Make the weekend of Valentine’s Day memorable this year by choosing to do something besides dinner and a movie. Go out to support these local venues so that they can continue to do great work. Show love every day of the year–not just when Hallmark expects you to.

Happy Valentine’s Day…whoever he may be.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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MUSIC

Concert Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

Soul Crush Acoustic Get your dancing shoes on for this one. $7 9 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Thursday

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Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Open Mic Night 8 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Ian Thomas, Paul Lee Kupfer 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Jonathan Wimpee 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechatt Soul Crush Acoustic 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Karaoke 9 p.m. Images, 6500 Lee Hwy. www.imagesbar.com Video DJ Nick 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Keith & Jack 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Friday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Ben Friberg Trio 6 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Hawthorne Heights, Join the High Flyers, Cutting Through Clouds, Mike Lumas 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn Southlander 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. www.southsidesaloonandbistro.com How I Became the Bomb, Young Orchids, Kingston Springs 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Kathy Tugman 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.chattanooganhotel.com Channing Wilson and Nathan Farrow 9 p.m. Ringgold Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065.

Divine Jazz 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechatt Brian Collins 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker

DJ 33 and Dancing 9 p.m. Backstage (inside Holiday Bowl), 5518 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-2695.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648-6679.

Camp Normal!

9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Lynam 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Bud Lightning 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Mark “Porkchop” Holder 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Blake Morrison 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Saturday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com Shai Hulud, Close Your Eyes, Monsters, I, The Breather, Counterparts, Cartographer 6 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge. www.myspace.com/warehousetn

How I Became the Bomb, Young Orchids, Kingston Springs

A “Wizard Staff Party” with faves HIBTB. $7 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Subsoul 6 p.m. The Social, 1110 Market St., Ste. 101.

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com The Gene Hodge Elvis Valentine Tribute Show 8 p.m. Barking Legs, 1322 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Matt Townson of U.S. Pipe 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro.

1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. www.southsidesaloonandbistro.com Mark Elliott 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 897-4960. www.christunity.org Kathy Tugman 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.chattanooganhotel.com

MUSIC

Concert Calendar

SATURDAY

Matt Townson

Solo acoustic show with Townson of U.S. Pipe.

No cover 8 p.m.

Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-0730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com Casey Adams 9 p.m. Ringgold Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065.

Butch Ross 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). www.facebook.com/theofficechatt Brian Collins 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker DJ 33 and Dancing 9 p.m. Backstage (inside Holiday Bowl), 5518 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-2695.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Commodity Saturdays: DJK7 9 p.m. The Social, 1110 Market St., Ste. 101. www.publichousechattanooga.com Yacht Rock Schooner 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

SUNDAY

Eric Sommers 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com The Nim Nims, Fools & Horses 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Sunday

Make It Over With Music: Glowing Bordis, Ashley & the X’s, BackWater Still, more 2 p.m. (on) The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com The Two Man Gentlemen Band, New Binkley Brothers, Blair Crimmins (solo) 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Monday

Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Big Band Night 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd.. #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Live DJ – Karaoke 8 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Tuesday

Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Songwriters Line-Up: “Nashville Night” with Brad Vroon 7 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Tim and Reece 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Karaoke 9 p.m. Images, 6500 Lee Hwy. www.imagesbar.com Karaoke with DJ Stoli 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Rene Breton, Kink Ador 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Wednesday

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com

Two Man Gentlemen Band, New Binkley Bros., Blair Crimmins

Take your sweetheart to a swell Valentine’s show. $7 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260. www. marketstreettavern.com Channing Wilson 9 p.m. Ringgold Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Drive, Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065.

Racing Death, Strung Like A Horse 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192.

DJ Spins – Karaoke Contest 9 p.m. Bart's Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Hegarty & DeYoung 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Johnston Brown 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Roscoe 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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MUSIC

Ernie Paik's New Music Reviews

Zs

New Slaves Part II: Essence Implosion!

(The Social Registry)

“Distinctive artists who unabashedly impart their own musical personalities in their song reimagining.”

There are various reasons that most remix albums are unnecessary—some are too reverent, with needless time-extending versions, some are disposable genre-mashup exercises, but mostly, they often fail because of a lack of imagination.

However, it’s a different game when you use as source material the wild, avant-jazz-minimalist-noise album New Slaves—one of this writer’s favorite albums from 2010—by the NYC group Zs. With such music that’s so abrasive, startling, free and daring, reverence is irrelevant; for that reason, some of the best remixes on New Slaves Part II: Essence Implosion!, available on vinyl and as a digital download, are from distinctive artists who unabashedly impart their own musical personalities in their song re-imaginings.

Weasel Walter (of The Flying Luttenbachers) tackles “New Slaves” with a gloriously messy version, assembling the hysterical sax wails and drum blasts in a satisfying way, and Thee Majesty (Genesis P-Orridge of Throbbing Gristle with Bryin Dall) presents “Concert Black” as a dystopian sci-fi soundtrack with an industrial dance slant in its second half. J. G. Thirlwell (a.k.a. Foetus, and best known by the younger set as the guy who makes the music for The Venture Bros.) pres-

Various Artists

Baby, How Can It Be? (Dust-to-Digital)

The outstanding three-CD set Baby, How Can It Be? is the latest compilation from the archival label Dust-to-Digital (best known for its award-winning, epic gospel collection Goodbye, Babylon), and a pessimist might view its subtitle—Songs of Love, Lust and Contempt from the 1920s and 1930s—as a typical progression for a relationship. Its discs are grouped according to those three

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

ents “New Slaves” with a speeding, jagged rock version with pulsing electronics lurking in the background, and Ecstatic Sunshine’s remix of “Concert Black” stands apart with a soothing weirdness, made of gurgling sounds and splats with looped string plucks. The least impressive track is Excepter member Zebrablood’s remix of “Diamond Terrifier,” which adds a drum/synth loop to Zs’s free improv sax runs and doesn’t quite elevate itself above being a zone-out track. The clear highlight of the album is the title track, which is actually a meta-remix of the other remixes, done by Zs itself—it’s a complicated mix of elevating tones, percussion clatter, and distorted, nerve-wracking madness, ending with a final sustained outburst of some instrument warped beyond recognition.

sentiments, with the first underscoring the youthful giddiness of love; the second goes into more carnal, euphemism-riddled terrain, and the third gets downright mean at times, with despair and disappointment to boot. However, even on the third disc, the songs are often upbeat and catchy and not heavy and brooding.

All 66 tracks on Baby, How Can It Be? were cherry-picked by John Heneghan, taken from his impressive collection of 78s; the standard reference point for American music during this time period is Harry Smith’s Anthology of American Folk Music, and like that collection, Baby, How Can It Be? shares an affinity for eccentric selections, with both the well-known (Uncle Dave Macon, Blind Lemon Jefferson) and obscure. However, it’s even more diverse, including folk and blues numbers and go-

ing into jazz/Dixieland territory and beyond; there’s a Hawaiian ode to a hula girl, a taste of yodeling, crooning, and scatting, and plenty of banjos, ukuleles, and fiddles.

There’s also a strong, sometimes twisted sense of humor throughout the collection, particularly on the “Contempt” disc, with antiquated put-downs (“You lousy sow!”), markedly un-PC numbers (“It’s a Shame to Whip Your Wife on Sunday” continues, “…when you’ve got Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday…”), and over-the-top, dramaqueen songs like “I’m Gonna Kill Myself,” delivered with deceptively cheery musical moods. As a whole, it sends mixed messages with charm and great entertainment value—a sometimes appropriately inappropriate love token that cheekily reflects any stage of courtship.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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ARTS

Feature

Look Out! Cuz Mackie Is Back

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor

T

he French say, “plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose” (“the more it changes, the more it stays the same”).

In 1928, German dramatist Bertolt Brecht and composer Kurt Weill premiered a play based on John Gay’s 1728 The Beggar’s Opera. They called it The Threepenny Opera and it asked the question: “Who is the greater criminal: he who robs a bank or he who founds one?”

The resonances of this question haunt us today.

Though the play presents plenty of songs, it’s about as far from Oklahoma! as a horse-drawn hearse is from the “pretty little surrey with the fringe on top.” If you know that the song “Mack the Knife” comes from “Threepenny Opera”, you may also know that the swinging version popularized by Bobby Darrin would not have been recognized by Brecht and Weill. It’s much more likely they would have approved of the play’s finale as recorded (separately) by Tom Waits and William S. Burroughs as “What Keeps Mankind Alive.”

ence was seeing was unreal.

Chattanooga’s Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga is currently presenting The Threepenny Opera, and we asked director Garry Lee Posey some questions about the choice.

The Pulse: Why did you decide to do this particular show?

Garry Posey: We chose to do The Threepenny Opera for a couple of reasons. The first is that we thought it was time to do a musical at the St. Andrews Center, where we perform, and we wanted to make sure it was a show that would fit, physically and mentally, inside both our space and our structure, our approach to presenting theatre. The second is with the idea of community being our season theme—enriching the community, specifically—we saw this as a way of saying happy endings can come out of community corruption and manipulation. That we shouldn’t focus on the negative more than the positive. I think it’s fitting with Ty Pennington’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition being in Chattanooga. The show is looking for ratings and sponsorship dollars, there is a job to do, money to be made. But when all is said and done and the trucks pull away, there is good that has come out of it.

TP: Is the show being presented in “epic theater”

“They called it The Threepenny Opera and it asked the question: ‘Who is the greater criminal: he who robs a bank or he who founds one?’”

Set in Victorian London, “Threepenny Opera” follows the adventures and misadventures of a thief named Macheath, his innocent love Polly Peachum, his various girlfriends, and those who are after him. Brecht depicts these events using his “epic theater” style, in which he attempted to constantly reinforce that what the audi-

style?

GP: We keep as much with the epic theater style as we can. It is important to me that people know we are seeing a play. So props are labeled as the prop they are regardless of exactly what they look like. We are using projections (as Brecht did), we have doubling of characters without too much effort placed into hiding the fact; the backstage is partially open so the audience can see the actor before going onstage as an “actor;” and there are several moments where particular attention is focused on and towards the audience. So I say we are keeping in line with Brechtian themes.

TP: Are you using live musicians?

GP: The music is tracked, there are no live musicians.

TP: What is the message for modern audiences?

GP: I think the piece says to the modern audience that even though “the world is poor and man’s a shit” (as Brecht says with his Act I finale), that we as a society shouldn’t let that prevent us from being happy.

The Threepenny Opera Presented by the Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga $15/$10 students February 11 7:30 p.m.

February 12, 2 p.m.

February 13, 6:30 p.m.

St. Andrews Center, 1918 Union Ave. www.ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com

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ARTS

Events Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

“Discover Africa”

Tour celebrating Africa’s rich cultures, includes current exhibit “Wrapped in Pride.” $5 Noon.

Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-8658. www.bessiesmithcc.org

Opening Reception: “Whispers” 4 p.m. Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com Hands On Hunter 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 266-0944.

Dances in Raw States 7 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1322 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Guided Meditation 7:15 p.m. ClearSpring Yoga, 17 N. Market St. www.clearspringyoga.com All Shook Up 7:30 p.m. Center for Creative Arts, 1310 Dallas Rd. (423) 209-5942.

Hunter Mashup 7:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 266-0944.

Faculty Flute Recital 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601.

Opening Reception for Ellen Zahorec

Artist’s work includes screen art, life drawings.

5 – 8 p.m.

H*art Gallery, 110 E. Main St. (423) 521-4707. www.hartgallerytn.com

SATURDAY

CSO Pops: “Big Band Fever”

Always one of the most popular CSO events.

$19 - $79 8 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583. www.chattanoogasymphony.org

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Screening of The Lottery documentary, discussion 6 p.m. green|spaces, 63 E. Main St. www.ulchatt.net Love Groove Spoken Word and Jazz Showcase 7 p.m. Loose Cannon Gallery, 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 544-1597.

Dances in Raw States 7 p.m. Barking Legs Theater, 1322 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Music Documentary Film Series: The Power of Song 7 p.m. Folk School of Chattanooga, 250 Forest Ave. (423) 827-8906. www.chattanoogafolk.com Friday Night Improv 7 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3246.

All Shook Up 7:30 p.m. Center for Creative Arts, 1310 Dallas Rd. (423) 209-5942.

The Ladies Man 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269.

The Tragedy of Hamlet 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Threepenny Opera 7:30 p.m. St. Andrew’s Center, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Master Hypnotist Gary Conrad 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Manifest IV: Love & Other Struggles 8 p.m. The Camphouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.

Leading Ladies 8 p.m. Signal Mountain Playhouse, 809 Kentucky Ave. (423) 886-5243. www.smph.org CSO presents “Big Band Fever” 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583. www.chattanoogasymphony.org

SUNDAY Breakfast with the Penguins 8:30 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Open House 10 a.m. Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com Chinese New Year Celebration 1 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.org Threepenny Opera 2 p.m. St. Andrew’s Center, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com The Tragedy of Hamlet 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

Honor Choir Concert 3 p.m. Lee University, 1120 North Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (800) 533-9930.

Honors Festival Concert 4 p.m. Southern Adventist University, 4881 Taylor Cir., Collegedale, TN. (423) 236-2089.

The Ladies Man 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269.

All Shook Up 7:30 p.m. Center for Creative Arts, 1310 Dallas Rd. (423) 209-5942.

The Tragedy of Hamlet 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Master Hypnotist Gary Conrad 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Leading Ladies 8 p.m. Signal Mountain Playhouse, 809 Kentucky Ave. (423) 886-5243.

CSO Presents: “Big Band Fever” 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583. www.chattanoogasymphony.org Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210.

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

D.L. Hughley and Friends

One of the “Kings of Comedy” visits the Tiv.

$39.50 7 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 642-TIXS. www.chattanoogaonstage.com

The Tragedy of Hamlet 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534.

18th Annual Simmons-O’Neal Memorial Concert 3 p.m. McCallie School Chapel, 500 Dodds Ave. (423) 320-5395.

Valentine Sunset Cruise 3 p.m. River Gorge Explorer, Riverfront Pkwy. (800) 265-0695.

Sooyong Yoon and EunSook Lee in Concert 5 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Cadek Hall, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-4601.

Master Hypnotist Gary Conrad 5:30, 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

C.A.F.E. Grant 6 p.m. Planet Altered, 48 E. Main St. (423) 400-4100.

Threepenny Opera 6:30 p.m. St. Andrew’s Center, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com

ARTS

Events Calendar

MONDAY Leading Ladies: Senior (55+) Valentine’s Day Luncheon Noon. Signal Mountain Playhouse, 809 Kentucky Ave. (423) 886-5243. www.smph.org Valentine Dinner Train Excursion 5:30 p.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd. www.tvrail.com Junior Recital 6 p.m. Lee University, 1120 North Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (800) 533-9930. www.leeuniversity.edu Music General Recital 7:30 p.m. Southern Adventist University, 4881 Taylor Cir., Collegedale, TN. (423) 236-2089.

Master Hypnotist Gary Conrad 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

Valentine Dinner Train Excursion 8 p.m. Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum, 4119 Cromwell Rd.

TUESDAY Arts Chat 5 p.m. Big River Grille, 222 Broad St. www.bigrivergrille.com Songwriter’s Line-up 7 p.m. The Camphouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702. 8081.

George T. Hunter Lecture Series: Geoffrey Canada 7 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.benwood.org Franz Liszt Bicentennial Concert 7:30 p.m. Southern Adventist University, 4881 Taylor Cr., Collegedale, TN. (423) 236-2089. www.southern.edu Member’s Choice Photographic Art Exhibit The Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 344-5643.

“Heirloom” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com

WEDNESDAY

EDITOR'S PICK: FEATURED EVENT

Siskin Hospital’s Possibilities Luncheon 11:30 a.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. (423) 634-1208. www.SiskinRehab.org Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Showing of opera Cavelleria Rusticana 7:30 p.m. Majestic 12 Theaters, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2375. www.carmike.com Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. www.facebook.com/theofficechatt “It’s Not Easy Being Green” North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102.

(423) 870-8924.

“Whispers” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

Love Groove Poetry and Jazz Showcase

Treat your sweetie to this annual Rhyme N Chatt night of poetry and jazz, featuring Pure Sound.

$10 advance, $15 door Loose Cannon, 1800 Rossville Ave. (423) 544-1597 or (423) 504-0361.

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OPINION

Life In The ‘Noog

Time Waits For No One, Especially Not Me I

’m late. Again. In fact, I’m rarely ever on time. It’s an affliction as ugly as involuntary farting or perhaps Tourette Syndrome. But instead of randomly blurting out verbal flatulence or profanities, I’m just making you wait to see what happens. And that can be just as annoying—although not as stinky.

I’m never THAT late. A perpetual 15 minutes or so is my average tardiness. For some reason my body can’t seem to walk out of my front door until the exact moment I’m suppose to be walking in some other front door. It’s a sickness. Making people wait is rude and obnoxious, I know. But I can’t help it. It’s in my DNA. My friends have come to expect it. My best friend— who happens to live around the corner—intentionally drives by my house on the way to meet up just to see if I’ve even left yet. I’m almost always still at home, so he knows that he’ll have enough time to secure a table and order us drinks before I get there—15 minutes later.

I’m not the only one who can’t seem to tell time, however. Some of my friends are so notorious in their tardiness that we’ve devised a timing system just for them. When planning an encounter with these time travelers, there’s the actual meeting time, then there’s “_______ - time” (insert your name here, because you know who you are). Usually this infrastructure is reserved for those who are almost always at least an hour late.

My girlfriend is no exception. She can lose hours in a day without knowing where they went. “I’ll be there in a couple of hours.” This almost always means a minimum of three, with a maximum of infinity. Now a suspecting soul might wonder if she’s up to no good in the meantime,

unless you realize that a simple trip to the gym for her might be parlayed into unintentional stops at the grocery store, car wash, gas station and/or hardware store along the way. It’s not her fault, as I understand that she is very busy and needs to run those errands as they present themselves under the guise of convenience. So I don’t give her too much grief, especially when I’m 15 minutes behind when she finally does arrive.

They say punctuality is a virtue. They also say that time is on your side. But whose side? Yours or theirs? I hate to waste people’s time by keeping them waiting. There are a couple of occasions when I’ll never be late. These few exceptions are generally reserved for business meetings or any other opportunity when my livelihood hangs in the balance.

A wise employer once told me that there are two things anyone can do to keep their job—shower daily and be on time. I guess your performance once you’ve arrived doesn’t matter as long as your timecard is spotless. However, I work under my own set of rules, which might clearly indicate why I now work for myself. To me, you’re paid for what you can do—not how many hours you pretend to be doing it (solitaire and all). But apparently in the working world, it doesn’t seem to matter how much you can produce in the shortest amount of time if you’re coming in late and leaving early.

Aside from big business, some other institutions account for potential late-comers with rules of common courtesy. Take weddings, for example. Emily Post states

Chuck Crowder

that one should always plan to arrive at a wedding 30 minutes prior to the time set on the invitation. Maybe that’s so you won’t be walking down the aisle to find an open seat as the bride is using the same avenue to meet up with her soon-to-not-be boyfriend.

Doctors’ offices try to utilize the same strategy by asking you show up at least 30 minutes prior to your appointment time. I think they’re trying to make sure you’re already there (wasting your precious time) just in case by some strange miracle they’re running ahead of schedule. To me, this almost always means more time in the waiting area reading outdated magazines and catching whatever ailment the poor person sitting next to me is suffering from. But it does represent one of those limited situations when I don’t feel so bad about being my typical 15 minutes late because I’ll always be 15 minutes early (for once).

“A wise employer once told me that there are two things anyone can do to keep their job—shower daily and be on time.”

A lot can be done in 15 minutes. A typical lunch can be consumed in that amount of time. You can pump gas AND run the car through the wash in 15 minutes. An old married couple can make love within that timeframe (on a good day). So as I ponder my habitual bad habit of being late, I guess I should keep in mind what else those waiting for me could be doing with that time—and hope I don’t walk in at a bad time.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website at www.thenoog.com

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SCREEN

Film Feature

The Devil’s in the Details in The Rite

By John DeVore, Pulse Film Critic

I

was raised in a Southern Baptist church, one that was especially mainstream and typical, large and friendly, and seemingly ever-present. My Sundays and Wednesday growing-up nights were spent learning about Jesus, singing in choirs, and wandering the hallways waiting for my parents to finish whatever it was they did there all the time. “Sin” was a frequent topic; we children were in short supply of moral character and needed proper instruction on various codes of behavior.

But the minor sins of childish immaturity seemed to be the focus of elementary Sunday school. Later, when my adolescent desires began to manifest, we were warned of lustful thoughts and actions, lest our purity and reputation become forfeit.

On very rare occasions, however, the lessons would turn the Devil, to hellfire and damnation, to roaring lions and legions of evil. Leaders would speak gravely, in hushed tones, about the consequences of evil and the rejection of God. We would learn about the occult world that lurked just outside our safely guarded houses, a seductive realm of Ouija boards and black magic. The Devil was to be taken seriously.

“The Rite shows the audience that sometimes a slight tremor is more unsettling than projectile pea soup.”

But in spite of the frightening verses, we knew that the true evil resided in our hearts. Temptation was the Devil’s tool.

If we avoided temptation, we avoided the Devil. A physical manifestation of evil was relegated to movies we weren’t allowed to watch, music we weren’t allowed to listen to, and games we couldn’t play. But Catholicism has a different view, one more immediately terrifying. The Rite takes us inside the training of an exorcist to show us how real the Devil might be.

Michael Kovak (Colin O’Donoghue) doesn’t want to be

a priest. He simply doesn’t have the faith for it. But the church can give him the education he wants and the distance from home he needs. Without the church, he would be forced into undertaking, his father’s business. His plan is to finish his education, then skip out before he takes his vows. He is promising as a priest, however, and catches the eye of one of his instructors.

After an unfortunate accident, one that requires a comforting hand and a strong stomach, his mentor suggests Michael take a class on exorcism at the Vatican, paid for by the church. After all, if he quits before taking his vows, the church has the right to convert his education into a student loan, to the tune of $100,000.

Michael decides that a few months in Rome might not be so bad. Soon, he meets Father Lucas Trevant (Anthony Hopkins), a Welsh exorcist with unusual methods, and his faith begins to be tested in ways he had never imagined.

The Rite is at the same time standard “exorcism genre” fare and a throwback to more thoughtful horror. The film is based on a nonfiction book of the same name, which serves to give the filmmakers some authority. But we’ve seen this before, in movie after movie that claims to be based on true events.

What makes this film convincing is the pacing, which allows the story to unfold naturally, without pretense. We get the feeling that the majority of the characters consider exorcism to be an outdated practice—at least until they are presented with evidence to the contrary. Of course, it also doesn’t hurt

that Anthony Hopkins is always fun to watch.

The Rite isn’t without its problems. There is a convention in horror films where the one character needed to solve a problem is conveniently out of town, leaving the protagonist to deal with a terrifying situation alone. Here, however, it doesn’t quite work. Possessed people need priests. Our hero is in the Vatican.

Surely there are a few

people that might be able to help him.

Also, in this age of skepticism, a healthy dose of ambiguity might go a long way. I would compare this film to The Exorcism of Emily Rose, which was also very well done, but left the answers up to audience interpretation. The Rite takes a definite stance on the reality of possession, which makes the film less spooky rather than more.

Horror movies are a dying art in Hollywood. More and more, genuine dread has taken a backseat to bloody gore and dismemberment. The things we don’t see are far more chilling than the things we do. The Rite shows the audience that sometimes a slight tremor is more unsettling than projectile pea soup.

The Rite Directed by Mikael Hafstrom Starring Anthony Hopkins, Colin O’Donoghue Rated R Running time: 1 hour, 52 minutes

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SCREEN

New In Theaters

Adam Sandler Can Act—He Just Chooses Not To

By Kelly Lockhart, Pulse Film Reviewer

Just Go with It

A guy convinces a mother of two to pose as his soon-to-be-divorced wife in order to woo the woman of his dreams. If you have ever wondered what makes actors choose certain projects, let’s look at the decision-making process of Adam Sandler. He receives a script that will be shot in Hawaii (check), gets to work with Jennifer Aniston, Nicole Kidman, and Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker (check, check, check), and is going to get paid a very nice seven-figure salary for a month’s work (really big check). Sometimes, it’s pretty easy to understand. What is frustrating to see, though, is an actor who has proven in films like 2007’s Reign Over Me and 1998’s The Wedding Singer that he is far more than just a comedic clown continue to pick unchallenging projects.

Maybe Sandler is happy with coasting from one easy movie project to another, but the question is how much longer will audiences buy his Peter Pan “never gonna grow up” manchild act? On the positive side, at least this time around, Jennifer Aniston wasn’t getting the “is she dating her co-star” treatment from the tabloids, which seems to happen on every other film she has done over the past decade.

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Starring Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Brooklyn Decker Directed by Dennis Dugan

Gnomeo & Juliet

An animated version of Shakespeare’s classic play, where Gnomeo and Juliet are would-be lovers from rival garden-based families. Back before Pixar and Disney merged, Gnomeo & Juliet was on the art tables at Walt Disney Feature Animation.

However, studio insiders say that once Pixar’s John Lasseter took over all animation, this project went into the dustbin. Fast forward several years and we see that Lasseter’s original instinct was probably correct. While the premise is cute, and the voicework is entertaining, the end result really never moves beyond the “Oh, that’s cute” stage.

Starring the voices of James McAvoy, Emily Blunt, Maggie Smith Directed by Kelly Asbury

Cedar Rapids

Naive small-town guy Tim Lippe has no idea what he’s in for when he’s sent to Cedar Rapids, Iowa to represent his company at an annual insurance convention, where he soon finds himself under

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

the “guidance” of three convention veterans. Fox Searchlight, the indie-film divison of the mighty Fox empire, has had a more miss-than-hit reputation over the past several years and is putting a lot of hope in Cedar Rapids. And why not? The film gives Ed Helms the opportunity to be a leading man (and put the moves on Sigourney Weaver) as well as being filled out with reliable actors such as John C. Reilly, Anne Heche, Stephen Root, Kurtwood Smith and The Daily Show favorite Rob Corddry. Whether Fox Searchlight has the pull to get the film out to wider audiences is, as always, the question with the indie studios.

Starring Ed Helms, John C. Reilly, Anne Heche Directed by Miguel Arteta

The Eagle

In 140 AD, Roman soldier Marcus Aquila embarks on a quest to restore the reputation of his father, the one-time commander of Rome’s Ninth Legion, who disappeared in the mountains of Scotland 20 years earlier. Think Tron, only set in the sand-andsandals era. Seriously. It’s pretty much the same plot only with a lot more rippling, sweat-covered male muscles and a much stronger supporting cast.

Still, it’s really not much more than a BBC televi-

sion project brought to the big screen, but that’s not always a bad thing. And any film that gives screen time to Donald Sutherland, one of the unheralded treasures of cinema, gets critical bonus points.

Starring Channing Tatum, Jamie Bell, Donald Sutherland Directed by Kevin Macdonald

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never

One of the Internet’s current running jokes is, “I don’t know what a Justin Bieber is, but...”, with whatever he’s done lately filling out the sentence.

And for the two percent of you who aren’t familiar with the mop-topped teen singing sensation, he’s this generation’s teen idol and he’s got a movie.

The film takes a look at his early life, his rise to fame, and goes behind the scenes of his 2010 tour. And the result is...pleasant. He makes inspiring statements to kids, is nice to his parents and elders, is about as threatening as a piece of celery, and comes across as a fairly talented kid who is enjoying his moment in the spotlight. Sure, 90 percent of the Internet apparently hates him, but then again, when you’re a multi-millionaire before the age of 16, that is the least of your concerns.

Directed by Jon Chu

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WINE & SPIRITS

Riley's Spirits Within

Organic Malbec from Argentina

By Joshua Hurley, Riley's Wine & Spirits

“Organic”, “green”, “eco-friendly’— these terms have even crept into the wine industry. In fact, most of the major wineries around the world now offer some type of organically grown wine.

From a business standpoint, it’s a smart move, considering the younger generations are embracing everything “green”, as they should, as we all should. It’s most certainly healthier and not just for us, but for Mother Earth as well.

For this week’s Great Buy, Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson starts a three-part trilogy of the best organic wines the Chattanooga market has to offer. First up is Argentina’s Las Loicas Malbec 2007.

Argentina’s 500-year-old wine industry is the world’s fifth largest. Twothirds of the country’s wine comes from the Mendoza growing region, a province located on the eastern foothills of the Andes Mountains. Mendoza offers a climate unrivaled by the country’s other growing areas, Rio Negra, San Juan and Salta: cool mountain breezes, mild summers, and water from the melting Andes Mountains snowcaps, which also shield the vineyards from the harmful oceanic elements.

Mendoza provides several different grape varieties, including chardonnay,

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sauvignon blanc, torrontes, merlot, carmenere, cabernet sauvignon and m a l b e c — which is Argentina’s signature grape and which is enjoying a recent upsurge in American sales.

Las Loicas Malbec Reserva 2007 comes from organically grown grapes by the Las Peralitos Vineyard in Mendoza, which follows the principals of organic farming to the letter. This totally excludes the use of artificial pesticides, fertilizers, fungicides and herbicides.

The use of such chemicals can spoil the vineyard’s soil and alter the makeup of the vine itself by introducing carcinogenic elements into the grape and wine that we eventually consume.

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Organic farming harkens back to the pre-Industrial Age way of cultivation that pays respect to the traditions of winemaking of yore, Mother Earth and her fertile soil, our health and that of our children.

Once poured into the glass, Las Loicas Malbec Reserva 2007 (14.5 percent alcohol volume) appears almost black in color. Aromas of cranberries, cedar and flowery rose petals fill the nose. On the palate, big flavors of prune, cherries, blackberries and tomato peel certainly point to its organic roots.

The reserva aging, one year in an oak barrel, adds a toasted-vanilla oaky finish that’s medium dry. All in all, this malbec could be our best yet.

Las Loicas Malbec is now available at Riley’s for $19.49 plus tax.

Chattanooga Street Scenes

Photography by Louis Lee

The old Ellis Restaurant on Market Street.

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ENTERTAINMENT

Jonesin' Crossword & Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): When some Westerners hear the term “tantra,” they think it’s a New Age codeword for lavish sex. But in its original form, tantra is a philosophy that advocates spiritual union with all of creation, not just erotic union with an attractive partner. Tantric practitioners might engage in metaphorical “love-making” with lizards, birch trees, clouds, toasters, rivers, and quirky friends, among other wonders. I recommend that you experiment with this perspective, Aquarius. I bet you’ll find that cultivating lusty compassion for the entire world will enhance your personal intimacy with the people you care about.

Happy Valentine Daze!

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In many of the weddings I’ve been to as a guest, the love birds have sealed their vows with a chaste kiss—a formal gesture that wasn’t imbued with much spontaneous passion. But in a recent marriage ceremony I attended, the new husband and wife showed little inhibition at the climax. They French-kissed in a prolonged embrace that also included ample groping. In the coming week, I urge you to put yourself as much as possible in situations where you can express that kind of freewheeling spirit. Happy Valentine Daze, Pisces!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Before I loved you, nothing was my own,” wrote Pablo Neruda to his lover in one of his sonnets. “It all belonged to someone else—to no one.”

Have you ever experienced a sense of being dispossessed like that, Aries? A sense of there being nowhere and nothing in the world that you can call your own? And have you ever fantasized that your emptiness could be remedied by the intimate presence of a special companion? I wish for you to have that consoling experience in the coming week.

In fact, I predict it. Happy Valentine Daze!

Across 1 Game where you create people, with “The” 5 Boy band with the 2001 hit “Every Other Time” 8 Bob who won the 1986 PGA Championship 12 Clothing catalog 13 Not silicone 14 Dublin’s country, locally 15 “It’s ___ to the finish...”

16 Domestic car model which changes during April and May? 18 Film star who changes during July and August?

20 Morphine or codeine 21 Pompous asset?

22 “Trading Spaces” network 24 Arthur of “The Golden Girls” 25 React to acid 28 More hip 30 ID on a 1040 31 Currency exchange

figures, often 33 “That ___ true!”

34 “The Simpsons” villain who changes during October and November?

37 Taj Mahal’s locale 40 Hawkins of school dances 41 Texted exclamation 44 Thingamawhatsis 47 Like some generals: abbr.

48 Boisterous laugh syllable 49 Code hidden in a bar code 50 Actress Thompson 52 Tommy Hilfiger’s New York birth city 54 With “The,” “Hair” song that changes during January and February?

58 New 13th zodiac sign that would cause all these changes (if astrologers took it seriously) 59 It gets threshed 60 Mess up completely 61 Adjective describing

the Addams Family 62 Mr. ___ (con man on “Green Acres”) 63 Suffix after Rock or Raisin 64 Roulette picks: abbr.

65 “Guarding ___” (Shirley MacLaine movie) Down 1 Minor boo-boos 2 From Qazvin, e.g.

3 Pilgrim’s destination 4 Beverage option on Southern menus 5 Early pope called “The Great” 6 Bedroom comedy, often 7 Pensioner’s qualifier 8 Dakota, once: abbr.

9 Nintendo “diagnosis” 10 Cactus bumps 11 Toady’s response 12 Fashion designer Marc 13 “Mayberry ___” 17 Like two peas in ___ 19 Hulu offering 23 ___-Magnon man 26 Peeves

27 Coming from either end, so to speak 29 Angelina Jolie made-for-TV movie 32 LP option 34 Came down with 35 Ankle-___ 36 Skeezy district type 37 Spam, most often 38 Break down 39 Camp in the great outdoors 41 Cleveland residents, for instance 42 Gets hitched 43 Word before shot or knot 45 Former outfielder Moises 46 Alert system in action movies 51 Sound that triggers “Gesundheit” 53 Jazz singer Carmen 55 “___ kleine Nachtmusik” 56 Birds that look sorta like penguins 57 Course code for studying Freud, perhaps 58 Smelted stuff

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0506.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You’re very familiar with the inexhaustible longings that you harbor in your depths. Your primal hungers for love and connection are never far from your awareness. But the sad thing is that you often regard this as a problem—as a vulnerability that disempowers you.

This Valentine season I’m asking you to change all that. I’m urging you to see your enormous yearnings as strengths… to celebrate them as essential fuel for your vitality . . . to treat them as crucial ingredients in your lust for life. Take it from someone who has seen too many people crippled by their lack of passion: You’re lucky to be so well-endowed with desire.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Happy Valentine Daze, Gemini! Here’s my prescription for making best use of the current cosmic currents: Be enchanting, but in an understated way. Be slyly charismatic and innocently flirtatious and serenely wild. Show how sexy it is to be sublimely relaxed.

Make judicious use of small acts of friendly mischief. Be affectionately unpredictable, always in the service of showing how much you care.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Your love story has elements of a farce mixed with a soap opera, fairy tale, and ghost story. For a normal human being, it might be too intense and convoluted to deal with; it requires so much willing suspension of disbelief and involves so much letting go of certainty that no one in their right mind would agree to its demands. Luckily, you’re not a normal human being these days, and you’re not particularly in your right mind. That’s why I say unto you: Ride this snaky tale for all it’s worth.

Enjoy every plot twist and riddle as if you’ve been given an epic myth you can ponder and learn from for the next ten years. Happy Valentine Daze, Cancerian!

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “I think, therefore I am,” declared the philosopher Descartes. Couldn’t he have equally said, “I feel, therefore I am” or “I sense, therefore I am”? During this Valentine season, I suggest that you put the emphasis on those other proofs of identity, not Descartes’. From

what I can tell, intimacy is most likely to thrive if you liberate it from excessive thinking and lubricate it with generous amounts of trans-rational contact. For love’s sake, empty your head of abstractions, opinions, and theories.

Make lots of room for the aroma of freshly washed hair, the shimmer of peaceful excitement, the shuddering solace of moist skin, the zing of poignant empathy, the wisdom of wandering hands, and the telepathy of shared perceptions.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Happy Valentine Daze, Virgo! What’s the best way for you to celebrate the season of love? In accordance with the astrological omens, here’s a good suggestion: Write haiku-like poems on scraps of red paper and leave them around for a special someone to find.

You can borrow the following samples, adopted from the work of Raymond Roseliep. 1. “mist on my mouth—air you touched.” 2. “I tried to bring you that one cloud in this cup of water.” 3. “black raspberries—your name breaking in the soft burst.” 4. “love song: I enter your mirror.” To get more inspiration, check at tinyurl.com/brisk88.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Happy Valentine Daze, Libra.

It’s my astrological opinion that you need more jokes, comedy, and humor in your romantic adventures. If you’re too serious about seeking the pleasures of love, you can’t get what you want. To inspire your efforts, I present the winning entry from last year’s Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

It was judged the worst possible opening line for a novel, but it’s perfect fodder for the project I’ve assigned you: “For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss—a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): This Valentine season, you have considerable potential to bring more lyricism into your close relationships. To stimulate you in that noble effort, I’m borrowing from the poetry of Andre Breton. See if you can adopt this style of expressing yourself (or steal the actual words) as you reach out to a person you’d like to be closer to: “Your neck is pearled barley. Your hair is a wood fire. Your mouth is a bouquet of stars. Your eyelashes are a child’s first stroke of writing. Your eyebrows are the edge of a swallow’s nest. Your shoulders are dolphins’ heads under the ice. Your fingers? The ace of hearts. Your armpits?

Beechnut and midsummer night. Your arms are the sea foam and flood gate foam. Your feet are bunches of keys.”

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Love that stammers, that stutters, is apt to be the love that loves best,” wrote poet Gabriela Mistral. That’s an important theme to keep in mind during the season of amour. Your job as a lover is not to be inflated with the perfect knowledge of how to proceed, not to stride forcefully into each romantic nuance with your confidence exploding…but rather to stumble along humbly, waging experiment after experiment, striving to kindle the spark, unleash the deluge, conjure the whirlwind, burrow into the dirty, sacred depths—or whatever the idiosyncratic truth of the moment calls for. Happy Valentine Daze, Sagittarius!

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Happy Valentine Daze, Capricorn! Borrowing words from poet Amy Lowell, I’ve created the nucleus of a love note for you to use as your own. Feel free to give these words (and others you write yourself) to a person whose destiny needs to be woven more intimately together with yours. “Your shadow is moonlight on a plate of silver; your footsteps, the seedingplace of lilies; the mystery of your voice, a chime of bells across the windless river air. The movement of your hands is the long golden running of light from a rising sun. Young horses are not more limber than your thoughts. Your laughs are bees buzzing around a pear tree. I dare to reach to you.

I dare to touch the rim of your brightness.”

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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OPINION

Ask A Mexican

Special Refried Mexican Edición Dear Readers, Although many of you have loved and/or loathed my columna for years, the Mexican still finds new readers every week in the unlikeliest of spots (hola, Chattanooga! See you in August, inshallah!). As a result, I sometimes receive questions about the methodology of the column, questions all of us know the respuestas to but that bear refrying from time to tiempo. Without further ado…

Gustavo Arellano

Dear Mexican, I’ve been watching you speak about your ¡Ask A Mexican¡ column. Now, you keep reiterating that this is supposed to be a joke. I have a question for you: It would be OK for a Caucasian to speak in an insulting yet joking manner about Mexicans, right?

When my daughter comes up to me and asks me why some of the girls at her school call her a white bitch, what am I to say when adults continue to press the issue that this is acceptable AND funny? She is the only one in her class that looks like her, but that’s a non-issue because she’s white. If it were the other way around it would be a big deal—I know this because it was when I was a child. I do not believe you understand the damage you are creating by making it socially acceptable to speak the way you do.

— Tiger Mom

Dear Gabacha, I’ve never said my column is a pure joke—it’s a satirical response to the bigotry Mexicans must endure in this country. A joke’s only intent is to elicit a laugh. For instance, did you hear the one about the guy who left a ban-

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jo in the back of his truck, only to return and find the windows shattered—and two banjoes?

OK, so bluegrass-music humor isn’t exactly Jerry Seinfeld territory, but there are no other ulterior motives behind the chiste other than an intra-group ridiculing of banjo players—no social commentary, no statement of facts, nada. Satire is humor laced with stinging facts and points to make specific commentaries attacking the status quo—think Twain, Swift, Colbert, Chapelle, and the mess that I make trying to copy them. And when have I ever said it’s okay to make fun of gabachos for their race? I advocate logical, lyrical smackdowns of Know Nothings, who come in all colors—and if you don’t believe me, try to figure out what Michelle Malkin’s maiden name is.

Dear Gabacho, No, you’re very much a gringo and a gabacho. I do love slipping in español words whenever possible, but I also make it a point to make easy-to-decipher choices. For instance, look at the Spanish words I’ve used so far. Tiempo? Use your cabeza—it’s “time,” as in the idiom “from time to time.” Cabeza? Head, as in “use your head.” Pretty fácil, right? In the rare cases I do use palabras that you can’t easily understand, keep reading—I’ll explain it sooner rather than más tarde.

“Although many of you have loved and/or loathed my columna for years, the Mexican still finds new readers every week in the unlikeliest of spots (hola, Chattanooga! See you in August, inshallah!)”

Dear Mexican, I read your column regularly, thank you. I do however have what I think should be a simple request of you. My Spanish skills are confined to the street slang that I learned growing up in Los Angeles County during the 1970s and ’80s—I’m not exactly what I would call proficient in polite company.

Not surprisingly, you often use Spanish words and phrases in your column that are more appropriate for usage in the forum of public debate. I would appreciate it if at the end of each of your columns, you allot space to defining the Spanish words and phrases which appear in your articles. For most of us, the alternative will be to look it up on the Internet—a translation done out-of-context. For instance, all this time

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 6 | February 10, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

I thought that I was a “gringo,” but maybe I’m a “gabacho” instead—or too? Who knew? In any event, it would be nice to learn a little bit about the language at the same time, and in the same context, that we are learning about the Mexican culture through your column.

— Muchos Gracias (which means “Thank You”)

GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK: The Coalition of Immokalee Workers have done the Lord’s work for the past decade organizing Mexican, Central American and Haitian tomato pickers in South Florida to ask fast-food giants to pay an iota more to double the salaries of its members.

More information at www.ciw-online.org.

Have a question? Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican. net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

www.chattanoogapulse.com | February 10, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 6 | The Pulse

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