The Pulse - Vol. 8. Issue 30

FREE • NEWS, VIEWS, MUSIC, FILM, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT JULY 28, 2011 • VOL. 8, ISSUE 30 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Nightfall 2011 - Friday Night!

WTM Blues Band

JULY

28 2011

ontents C

VOLUME 8, ISSUE 30 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

Want to watch a video of this week's Nightfall headliner? Download the FREE "QR Reader" on your smartphone and scan this code.

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“Your laughter runs down the blackened walls, across the shards of glass on the floor, past the curious stares of those shocked by this small-town tragedy.”

— Inza Hagins-Dyer, "The Inventory"

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“He didn’t really want the monsters, either; however, a few talking animals would certainly have been nice.”

— Ryan L. Haddock, "What He Found There"

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“Hollow darkness swallowed up his eyelids and in the corner, the scratch, pick, pick, pick of the crow in time with blood pounding in his ear.”

— Stratton Tingle, "Another Dusk"

“The frog looked to the left again to see if anyone had seen his deed. He breathed a sigh of relief. No one.”

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— Sanford Knox, Jr., " Frog Legs: A Fable"

“The time he decomposed a human finger, the time he tricked a rookie shroomer into believing he was poisonous. ”

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— Sunny Montgomery, "Two Mushrooms Walk into a Bar"

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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NEWS Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor / Layout Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Jaye Brewer, Rick Leavell, Michelle Pih Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Photography / Videography Josh Lang Contributors Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Dave Castaneda, Chuck Crowder John DeVore, Ryan L. Haddock Inza Hagins-Dyer, Janis Hashe Matt Jones, Sanford Knox, Jr. D.E. Langley, Louis Lee Kelly Lockhart, Sunny Montgomery Ernie Paik, Mary Petrushka Alex Teach, Stratton Tingle Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Editorial Interns Lauren Haynes, Crystal Kishimoto Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity.

Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

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Pulse Beats

“In addition to being green, achieving LEED certification also means we’re saving money through improved energy efficiency.”

Housing Market Shows Gains In June, Prices Steady With all the fear and uncertainty going on with the national economy, it’s nice to hear good news, especially on a local level. The local real estate market continued to show signs of a recovery-defying national trend in both number of homes sold and median price, according to statistics released by the Multiple Listing Service (MLS) of the Greater Chattanooga Association of Realtors.

In June of this year, Southeast Tennessee and the Northwest Georgia area saw the sale of 534 residential units, a 10.1 percent increase compared to the previous month’s sales, while decreasing by 18.3 percent from the same period of 2010.

Local Realtors Association President Jennifer Grayson said that she was pleased to see signs of returning health in the area market. “I would remind everyone that the numbers from 2010 were somewhat skewed by the ongoing homebuyer’s tax credit of last year, and this year’s sales appear to show a more normalized situation despite an economy that is still troubled,” she said.

Chattanooga Area MLS President Dan Griess was also encouraged by the latest figures. “It’s great to see that the numbers of foreclosure sales through our MLS have dropped noticeably within the past few months, though they

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

are still too high.” he said. “It’s only recently that we’ve seen the decrease from one sale in three being a foreclosure, and we’ll know that the economy is truly on the right track when foreclosures become an insignificant figure.”

Grayson added, “In looking at our regional economy, the unemployment picture seems to mirror the housing market situation closely, in its incremental increases and decreases.

While 8.4 percent of our working population is now out of work, we see signs of progress compared to where we were six months or a year ago.”

For the month of June, the local median home price was $128,000. That represents a decrease of 1.5 percent from the same period one year earlier and an increase of 2.5 percent from the median price reported in May. Griess observed that median prices are one of the most watched statistics in the housing market today, because of the loss of value and accompanying loss of equity that homeowners nationwide have suffered in the down market.

He added, “That 2.5 percent increase is a welcome sight compared to markets in Florida—Orlando, Miami, and Jacksonville come to mind—that have all decreased by over 12 percent in median price in recent months.”

— Chattanooga Fire Chief Randy Parker, after Station 7 was awarded Gold LEED certification.

News Briefs • The Chattanooga Fire Department has recognized some of its own firefighters from time to time for saving lives. Now its newest fire station at Enterprise South is being recognized for helping to save the planet.

Station 7, located at 6911 Discovery Drive, has achieved Gold Certification through the Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design (LEED) Green Building Rating System. LEED is the U.S. Green Building Council’s (USGBC) leading rating system for designing and constructing the world’s greenest and most energy-efficient buildings.

• East Ridge residents and businesses will soon have the opportunity to take advantage of free curbside recycling.

Beginning Friday, September 9, the City of East Ridge will offer curbside recycling services every Friday. The city has partnered with Rock Tenn, which will purchase the city’s curbside recycling materials. Depending on participation, the city anticipates the recycling program will receive enough revenue from the sale of recyclable materials to make the program selfsustainable and not add costs to the city’s overall solid-waste disposal program. Sign up at www.eastridgetn.org

NEWS

Opinion

Bonobos and Sacred Traditions If she condemns “We know the right way” as tribal chatter, then within her very act of condemning saying “We know the right way,” Ms. Hashe is saying she knows the right way [“Bonobos and the Door of Compassion”]. People can use EITHER either-or thinking OR something else, as Ravi Zacharias pointed out. And I daresay “All sacred traditions teach” that their gods have rules about sex. Buddha himself renounced sex, Mohammed limited wives to four (except for himself), Christianity calls for monogamy or abstinence. When something is dreadfully wrong, true love points out the wrong and demands that it stop–and helps it stop.

Andrew Lohr Green Fire Power The city has a new beautiful Fire Hall that will save us hundreds of thousands of dollars over its expected lifespan. With new buildings such as this one, the Carmike Majestic Theater and Outdoor Chattanooga it is very plain to see why Chattanooga is the number 1 city in the world. A special thanks to Walter Coffman of Campbell &

Send all letters to the editor and questions to

info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

Associates for his dedication and belief that these buildings are practical and can be designed to exceed the expectations of the U.S. Green Building Council.

Rick F. Cycling Safety I love biking around Chattanooga. I also

go with traffic, stop at all stop lights and never pass cars that are stopped ahead of me at stop lights. I cringe when I see other cyclists going through red lights because it sends a bad message to drivers, that we are rule breakers and most especially, the cyclists that breeze through stop lights and stop signs could make a mistake and not see a car that is coming. Please fellow cyclists, ALWAYS follow the rules of the road so we give drivers one less reason to disrespect our place on the road.

Kevin B. Love for Nightfall What a great music event for Chattanooga. Nightfall is a must see if you’re downtown on a Friday night this time of year. They get great talent year after year and I have seen some fantastic shows there!

Brad Walsh Track 29 Coming Soon This is excellent news! I am looking forward to walking a short two blocks to see quality live music. Can’t wait to see the Drive By Truckers!

Brad Walsh www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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NEWS

Politics & Crime A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

Here is one of the agenda items to be discussed at the Tuesday, August 12 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

5. Ordinances - Final Reading: b) An ordinance amending the Fiscal Year 2011/2012 Budget Ordinance and allocating $75,000.00 from the Economic Development Fund to be used for the purpose of supporting an agency with the goal of assisting small businesses, multicultural, minority, and women-owned businesses in the City of Chattanooga.

With all the recent allegations of financial misdoing within the Tennessee Multicultural Chamber of Commerce, the city council is looking for ways to continue the mission of the chamber without having to deal with the numerous problems and issues that have come to light.

The point of this ordinance is simple: to encourage the creation of a new agency (or a radically reformed current multicultural chamber) to support the business challenges faced by minority and female entrepreneurs and small business owners.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the current agenda, and past minutes, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_Council

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• Things that are too good to be true almost always are, especially when they are on the Internet. Such was the lesson learned in a publically embarrassing way by 11 local folks, including an eye doctor and a school teacher. They were all taken in by a sting conducted by the Vice/Narcotics Unit of the Chattanooga Police Department, which orchestrated a twoday undercover escort sting targeting Internet-based prostitution. Suspects answered advertisements on the Internet for escort services by responding to a hotel and agreeing to exchange money for sexual favors. The defendants were charged with either prostitution, patronizing prostitution or promoting prostitution within 1.5 miles of a school. In addition to the 11 arrests, $1,860 in cash was seized.

• And speaking of the dangers of the Internet, while it has become quite popular to sell items online, one still has to be careful and use common sense when meeting potential customers. A Chattanooga man went to a popular website to list a computer gaming system for sale for $300. He was quickly contacted by a

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

potential buyer, who asked him to bring the gaming systems to a Nautical Way residence. Once there, the buyer said he wanted his sister to check out the machine to make sure it worked, and the two drove to a Bonnie Manor house. However, once there, instead of testing the system, the not-sofriendly buyer pulled a gun and took the machine. He was quickly located by Chattanooga police, and admitted to officers that he had taken the system at gunpoint. He is now behind bars facing an aggravated robbery charge and $35,000 bond. Game over.

• It’s always a good idea to make sure you have your wallet before you leave the house. It’s even more important to check before you order breakfast at a downtown restaurant. Because not every restaurant manager is going to let you slide on a $7.98 breakfast check just because you are short of cash. In fact, one popular downtown eatery has taken a hard-line stance on such antics and has decided to fight back against forgetful (or, it must be said, deliberately frugal) customers.

The manager told officers he wanted to prosecute,so the man was arrested and charged with theft under $500. Which,

once it works its way through the court system, will likely turn out to be the most expensive omelet, muffin and coffee the man has ever eaten.

• Our deepest condolences go out this week to the family, friends and former city co-workers of former Chattanooga Police Officer Robert Pearson. Pearson, who served as an official during the tenure of former Police Chief Jimmie Dotson, was killed in a motorcycle accident in Mississippi after his bike veered off Highway 4. The former Michigan and Mississippi state trooper left Chattanooga after Dotson’s retirement and served five years as the police chief of Holly Springs, Mississippi.

OPINION

Beyond The Headlines

Wildlife Gratuity

By Mary Petrushka, Pulse Contributing Writer

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’ve been watching my corn grow for months with great expectations. I was anticipating another dry summer so I mulched it heavily with old hay and laid down the soaker hoses. I wasn’t going to let Mother Nature interfere.

Before I got to planting the corn, I planted the tomatoes and peppers and squash and cucumbers and eggplant. I did that the day before the tornadoes came in because Cliff told me I had better get them in before the storms that were predicted for the next day. My little garden and we were shaken up but OK. So many others were not.

The day after the tornadoes, we drove to Rising Fawn to help some friends liberate their garden from a massive oak tree that had fallen right on top of it. We only liberated the peppers in a few sweaty hours of chain-sawing and schlepping before we all retired to the porch for a beer. It was a Hugh oak that would require a lot more sweaty hours before the garden would be fully liberated.

It took a long time for the ground to dry out enough for me to plant the corn. By then, I had decided not to put down newspapers first under the hay because I had had to rip open holes in the first part of the garden so those plants would not rot after the storms. I am still driving around with stacks of newspapers that I picked up at the recycling center to set up the corn.

I placed each corn seed by hand 12 inches apart—two rows of 30 seeds per row took me all evening to plant and mulch. It was too hot during the day to do it. I waited a week and a half and then planted another two rows. I then waited and watched and waited and all but three eventually sprouted.

Meanwhile, the squash and cucumbers bit the dust. Maybe the tornado drowned them. I didn’t know so I planted more—and they died. The eggplant and peppers are putting out, and so are the tomatoes, but

“It was so ready that ten or 12 ears had already been picked, peeled, eaten and discarded in between the freshly cleared rows.” only the cherry ones are turning red.

But my corn—my corn was looking magnificent. We finally decided it might be time to picked two ears and it was so sweet but maybe a bit young...so we decided to wait four days. I went in and weeded between the rows and pulled out all the hogweed because my landlord hates hogweed and I wanted to invite him to pick some.

We live on a working farm and we rent the old farmhouse. They used to plant massive quantities of corn and we’d help harvest and he would give us a bunch. But

the drought set in and there is no way to irrigate the big field, so they stopped planting. I knew my patch was small but I thought he would enjoy picking again. He’s 96 now, or thereabouts.

So four days later I went out to see if it was ready and I found out that it was. It was so ready that ten or 12 ears had already been picked, peeled, eaten and discarded in between the freshly cleared rows. The latter two rows were not touched—only the perfectly prime corn had been harvested, but by WHAT? We thought deer. Bob said that it was a 20 percent gratuity to the wildlife that was here before we were. I was angry. If I got to see the deer, majestically hanging out on the hills, maybe I would say OK—but I hadn’t seen a deer in four years! Cliff said maybe it was raccoons, but I haven’t seen ONE raccoon since I’ve lived here.

We picked the rest of what was ready in those two rows, and every night to protect the next two rows I go out and howl around midnight. They tell me there is something you can buy to put around your garden.

Maybe next year.

This year—I’m just howling. www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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COVER STORY

Short Story Contest

Short fiction simmers in this year’s contest winners

Short and Unforgettable G

ood writers abound in Chattanooga. For the second year, we celebrate their work in our annual Short Story Contest. We hope you enjoy reading these stories as much as we did. Thanks to everyone who entered—please try again next year if you didn’t win!

Special thanks to this year’s contest judges: Ray Zimmerman, Priscilla Shartle and Sybil Baker.

First Place:

The Inventory

By Inza Hagins-Dyer

‘Are you standing in Granny’s blood?” your grandsons ask. If you could see them you would be tickled. They are wearing white paper coveralls, like those worn by professional painters. Though it is 102 degrees outside, they have on knit skullcaps, gloves and masks. It is the kind of thing that you and I would laugh about if you were not dead. I don’t look down because I know the answer to their question and simply reply, “Yes.” I can hear them swallow hard all the way across the room. They stand in the doorway of what used to be your kitchen. I focus my eyes away from the floor and concentrate on counting the charred silverware, then tell them to go back and inventory the rest of the house. It is my job to handle the kitchen. They trudge back to the other rooms, whispering among themselves.

This very spot must have been where you died

“Your laughter runs down the blackened walls, across the shards of glass on the floor, past the curious stares of those shocked by this small-town tragedy.”

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before those fools set the house on fire. I don’t have to look down. My shoes are stuck in what is left of you.

I refuse to wear the coveralls. If you had to endure the horror the least I can do is endure the aftermath—the ashes, the broken glass, splintered wood, and things melted beyond recognition. Jeez Mom, you put up a fight. I am sorry. But I am glad. Glad that you went down swinging.

The insurance company says we have to inventory everything. This is not hard because I know everything in your house. I know each saucer, each pot, each pan. I see the longhandled fork you used to turn fried chicken, the crystal pitcher Daddy gave you for your 30th anniversary, my baby spoon, which you could never put away. I remember how you stood in this

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

kitchen baking cakes until dawn on Christmas Eve. How you put on a pair of slippers, sang old Broadway tunes and showed us how to do the soft-shoe tap dance. We sat around and listened to stories of your childhood and you were determined to make sure that your two children, me and Stevie, always knew how much we were loved. That is why I can stand in the pool of blood left by the savage beating you took from those crackheads. They thought there was money in this house; money from the pension check that goes straight to bank on the first of the month, money that you earned working as a school teacher for over 30 years.

I want the world to know that your murder is nothing more than a one bitter punctuation mark amid the volumes of beautiful prose that should be

COVER STORY

Short Story Contest

remembered as your life. The world needs to know that you are more than a pile of ashes in a pretty cream-colored vase. I will count your belongings and record them neatly on a form for the insurance company. Your things are gone. The memories are not. Your laughter runs down the blackened walls, across the shards of glass on the floor, past the curious stares of those shocked by this small-town tragedy. You promised to never leave me, never stop loving me, and now I know that you kept your promise. Your love runs through my veins as real as my own blood. Strong. Defiant. Real. Love Love Love—it never dies. In this kitchen where you fought your final battle, I stand, counting your belongings, happy to let the soles of my shoes touch whatever is left of you.

Second Place:

What He Found There

By Ryan L. Haddock

There it was. However, it wasn’t what he had been looking for.

While searching for something he wasn’t supposed to be searching for, the boy had found something he was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to know about.

It was a doorway—a doorway hidden in the closet under the stairs.

The more he studied it, the more certain he was that he wasn’t supposed to find it. There were all sorts of boxes and other odds and ends blocking it, after all. There was even an old wooden chest blocking the way, a chest that must have weighed as much as he did. Moving it didn’t give him as much trouble as he thought it would, however; the closet’s

floor was slick hardwood.

It was November 26th, exactly four weeks and one day before Christmas. His parents always shopped early to avoid the rush, so he generally started his search of the house one month before the big day. The first day’s search had turned up nothing, but today already looked promising.

And not even for the reason he intended.

The door had no knob or latch on the outside— nothing to open it with. However, he was lucky; it was already cracked open. Maybe the presents were in there, he thought. Even if they weren’t, there was a secret passage in the house—the presents could wait.

“He didn’t really want the monsters, either; however, a few talking animals would certainly have been nice.”

He opened the door and felt a gust of warm air hit his face. He got down on his hands and knees and crawled through the doorway. This is what he found there: Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

No enchanted lands. No wondrous kingdoms filled with extraordinary creatures and talking animals. No worlds that were a strange mirror of our own, only with exaggerated foliage and bold, bright colors. No witches, no wizards, no giants or ogres. No goodnatured pirates who sailed through the skies only stealing from the rich and the greedy. Nothing but red dirt and a low ceiling.

He continued crawling, hoping to find the magical portal that would whisk him away from this place and take him to an even slightly enchanted, somewhat magical land. He did not ask for much, he thought. He didn’t need a world full of witches and wizards; one or two would do. He didn’t really want the monsters, either; however, a few talking animals would certainly have been nice. A dog, in particular.

He had always wanted a talking dog.

But nothing is what he found there.

He crawled back to the door, his hands crusty with dust and drying sweat. Emerging from the closet, he looked up and saw his father standing over him.

“Son,” he said, “what were you looking for in there?”

“Nothing, Papa,” the boy answered. And he was telling the truth.

Third Place:

Another Dusk

By Stratton Tingle

Not a corn field in this godforsaken place. Not a single one!

Ol’ Wilkins shook his head. Ever since his chillun’ brought him here, he’d had a pit in his stomach that could only be filled by bread. Hell, he’d settle for some cornbread. A slice of steaming cornbread with fresh melted butter and a dollop of molasses and a glass of warm milk. That’d help him sleep better.

And lima beans. All these damn people eat is rice.

I need to soak my feet.

Wilkins shuffled slowly to his room. This weren’t no place he was used to. He was accustomed to pecans, geraniums, possums, pine trees, katydids...

He strained his knees and lowered himself on the

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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COVER STORY

Short Story Contest

“Hollow darkness swallowed up his eyelids and in the corner, the scratch, pick, pick, pick of the crow in time with blood pounding in his ear.”

bed, sank in quilts up to his chin, glanced to the cut. Dusk-red sky. Once down, he could squint his good eye and make out the daytime glow of home.

A distant cry in the dark.

Wilkins shot up—gurgle, spit.

Damn dust chokes me up. How’s a workin’ man supposed to sleep with lungs filled with dust and muck? Ol’ Wilkins strained for the olivine pillbox. It ain’t right for any man to rely on these nasty-ass tablets to get a decent night’s rest. He chewed two of the chalky orange tablets and eased back down, neck aching. A human being!

An honest, hard-working man.

My room’s too cold.

Hollow darkness swallowed up his eyelids and in the corner, the scratch, pick, pick, pick of the crow in time with blood pounding in his ear. The earth and moon clasped hands, giggling under bleachers. Eternity had its first smoke.

Lord gonna meet His pilgrim this day.

Honorable Mention:

Frog Legs: A Fable

By Sanford Knox, Jr.

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Hopping along lethargically, the surly frog jumped one more time and landed with an audible squish. There before him sitting on a leaf was a fly who was silently rubbing his feet together. The frog opened his mouth to snatch the fly on his tongue when the fly spoke.

“I suggest you think twice before doing that.”

The frog paused for a moment.

“And why is that? I am hungry, should I not be able to eat?”

“Yes, but I have heard of you. You claim to only eat what is clean. Well, I can assure you with what I just ate you would never think I was clean.”

“Yes, that is true. I do only eat what is clean. Nothing else will pass through these lips.”

The fly laughed a steely little laugh.

“How you fool yourself, Frog! You act as though you are better than any of your kind.”

The frog became impatient and flustered.

“Fly! How dare you speak to me that way! Actually, I was never going to eat you in the first place, but rather The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

the leaf that was beside you. You are right, I would never consume something as grotesque as yourself.

I am better than that.”

“Oh, Frog, how you make me laugh again. I see you a thousand times through with these eyes of mine. And I also know the truth: you are a phony who has become a glutton off the corpses of many of my brothers and sisters. Look at you! You can barely hop!”

The frog could not stand one more second of the insipid fly. He looked to the left, then to the right as his tongue snapped out of his mouth and made the fly no more. A smug and sly smile consumed his face, quickly followed by a frown and a look of disgust.

“Delicious! But I only did it because I had to,” he thought.

The frog looked to the left again to see if anyone had seen his deed. He breathed a sigh of relief. No one. He looked back to his right and silently sitting beside him was a snake.

“Snake! You frightened me! Well… ah, good day to you.”

The frog tried to take a hop to get away but he could not move. He looked down and saw a scaly, green tail encircled around his foot. As the frog looked back in stunned silence, slowly and steadily the snake cunningly coiled around the fat frog’s body.

The frog froze from fright then suddenly sputtered and protested in dismay.

“This is incredible! I demand you release me at once to be on my way! Who do you think you are to contain me?

He tried squirming out of the ever-tightening grip.

“Not so fast, Frog! To answer your question, I am a snake, pure and simple. But I must say that I am hungry, and just like you, I too am in need of a meal.”

The frog’s eyes became wide.

“But you do not want to eat me! For I am filthy and eat that which is disgusting! Why not eat that twig or leaf just right over there?”

“I am fully aware of what I am about to consume.”

The snake smiled and flicked his forked tongue in front of the fraudulent frog’s face. He constricted just a little tighter. The frog lost just a little more breath.

“Please! I am not worthy enough to eat!”

“Let’s just see.”

The snake slithered on with a full meal, absolutely satisfied.

COVER STORY

Short Story Contest

Honorable Mention:

Two Mushrooms Walk into a Bar

By Sunny Montgomery

“So I said to the bartender, ‘What do you mean you don’t serve our kind? We’re a couple of fun guys!’”

Chanterelle was sick to death of listening to her husband, Morel, retell the story of how they’d been refused service during their last cruise to Puerto Vallarta.

“And then I said, ‘Hey, buddy, if my wife wants a $15 mojito, goshdarnit! My money’s as green as the next guys!’ And do you know?” Morel paused for dramatic effect while his business partners, Portabella and Fly Agaric, swirled their martinis. “That bartender just stood there smiling as if I’d told a joke. Can you imagine?”

Chanterelle stared into her cocktail. She hadn’t forgiven him for the scene he caused in Mexico. He’d gotten so worked up, screaming and cursing, oozing from the top of his cap. She’d tried to calm him down by slipping her arm around his stem and saying, “Oh, hubby, I wasn’t much in the mood for a drink anyway.” Morel had

turned on her then. He told her she was spineless. If it wasn’t for him she’d still be decomposing dog turds in Big Springs Park. Chanterelle had started crying right there in front of everyone. She’d been so humiliated. She spent the rest of the trip locked in their cabin watching movies.

Listening to him now, Chanterelle felt defeated all over again. Lately, she’d become increasingly sick of all Morel’s stories. She’d spent the last 20 years listening to them over and over. The time he decomposed a human finger, the time he tricked a rookie shroomer into believing he was poisonous. Chanterelle couldn’t remember the last time her husband said anything that surprised her.

“Being refused service for being a fungus,” Morel continued, shaking his head sorrowfully. “It’s 2011, people!”

“It’s disgusting is what it is,” said Fly Agaric who knew a thing about discrimination. “But what do you expect?

Globalized economy. Globalized fear.” He raised his martini as if to toast.

“Well, darling, you must have been ripe angry!”

Portabella’s wife, Truffle, exclaimed, turning to Chanterelle. Chanterelle bit her lip. She glanced at her husband, resentment swelling in her gills, then opened her mouth.

“Speaking of ripe,” Morel interrupted. “Did I ever tell you about the time I decomposed a human finger?”

Chanterelle knew immediately. In fact, she’d never been so certain of anything. Even if it meant spending the rest of her days moneyless, aside from the change in the bottom of her purse, in a dirty public park. She would not listen to another story. She could not.

“Please excuse me,” she said, and made her way to the front of the lounge where she took a seat at the bar. She glanced over her shoulder at her husband who was already rapt in his own story.

“I’d like ten shots of your most expensive tequila,” she told the bartender who raised one eyebrow, then shrugged and lined up ten glasses. As quickly as he poured them, Chanterelle drank them.

“My, my!” He whistled, clearly impressed. “You’re drinking those awful quick, honey!”

“Yes,” she said. “And you’d be as well if you had what I had.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?” He asked, leaning onto the bar and grinning wide. Chanterelle unsnapped her pocketbook book and peered inside.

“Seventy-five cents,” she told him and with that she hopped off her barstool and out the front door, where the rest of her life was waiting.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

OPINION

On The Beat

Winehouse’d S

ocietal Observation Special: Amy Winehouse Dies of Overdose. Who Saw THAT One Coming?

I happened to be in an airport last Saturday (7/23/2011) when someone made the horrible mistake of passing the time by telling me how “tragic” it was that Amy Winehouse had been found dead that day of a suspected drug overdose. “Such an amazing talent,” she remarked. I nodded in agreement. “Such a horrible disease. What a tragedy.” I stopped nodding, and glanced at the uninvited conversant.

“Disease?” I said. “I thought she was a drug addict? I’m sad she died, but really…it’s not like aliens landed.” I wasn’t in the mood, but I tend to toss bait out as a reflex sometimes, even when I don’t want to fight.

(Not literally, of course. Sure it turns physical sometimes, but like alcohol and drug addiction, that’s completely not my fault.) They could let it go or return the serve, their choice.

“What? How can you say that?” my new apparent friend stated. Bam—right back to my side of the court.

“What she and millions of people has is a disease. A sad and complicated one,” she paused for effect. “Scientists are still trying to understand what causes it.”

I briefly closed my eyes to curse myself, but like the very topic that prompted this, how could I be surprised? “What causes it?” I replied. “What, like a bacteria? A virus?

Please.” I had an idea to lighten the darkening mood.

“Tell me, do you think she was medicating an ungraspable artistic intellect, or was it the sad-as-a-child excuse? It’s usually fifty-fifty. We’ll Google it to see which one is right.” My new friend put away her SmartPhone (the source of her intel) and I closed what people in the old days would have called a “paperback book.”

“How callous!” she said with genuine indignation. “I

can’t believe anyone can still think that way. It’s an illness! The greatest scientific minds will tell you that!” (Lightening the mood had failed.)

I smiled a little now and said, “The great minds that say that usually charge twenty grand a month to treat those people. Really unbiased.

Oh, addiction is real, I agree. But it’s not a disease. It’s an excuse.

It’s a blindfold that turns into a noose for which we are to feel pity. Parkinson’s is a disease,” I said. “Herpes is a virus. Ask that guy,” I said for no reason, randomly pointing at a man in a tight light brown leather jacket. “Cancer, TB, those are diseases. She was an addict who died by her own choices.”

NOW my new friend was annoyed, her face even flushing a little. “I beg to differ! OK, so maybe it’s not transmittable but it’s a real disease that people seek treatment for, just like cancer or depression!”

“OK, so depression is a disease too?” I said.

New Friend furrowed her eyebrows in thought and said “No...no! But you know what I mean! It’s a condition! We have no idea what her demons were!” Flustered. I was happy.

“Then we agree,” I replied. “It’s definitely a condition.

But demons? C’mon, she didn’t become an addict because she was creative and had demons to still. Or what was the other? She was sad as a child? No shit, she was sad as a child! It’s called ‘being a teenager’! I hate that she was a user, but it wasn’t a tragedy is all I’m saying. That headline?” I said, pointing at her phone where it also mentioned the 85 killed so far in Norway (currently 76 as

Alex Teach

of this writing). “That’s a tragedy. Winehouse is just a sad waste. That’s the only difference I’m talking about. Relax!

Hey, how about a beer?”

New Friend was breathing fast, but confused at the thought of alcohol, given the topic. Just as intended. The flight I was greeting had arrived, and I walked off.

Addiction is a condition, folks.

I see it every day, and the effects it has on both the users and their loved ones (and the strangers they rob or stab or flat-out murder). And it can be treated, and there are successes... thousands upon thousands. And like a cancer survivor, I actually consider them heroes—but what gets my ass in a twist about the “disease” label is that it takes the responsibility out of the user’s hands and makes it an “excuse”.

It makes it OK to them on some level because psychologically, that means “it’s not their fault” and either delays the need to get themselves treated or eliminates the need altogether.

The LAST thing a true addict needs is to be told it’s OK to be an addict (however indirectly) and I believe it’s done to bolster their self-esteem, which is usually a major factor in being an addict, but to remove the incentive to cut that shit out? Not brilliant.

(I did go have that beer I talked about, you know. Is that weird?)

“Oh, addiction is real, I agree.

But it’s not a disease. It’s an excuse. It’s a blindfold that turns into a noose for which we are to feel pity.”

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

ARTS

Feature

Two Sets of Twins, One Classic Comedy

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor

Shakespeare made of this Roman/Elizabethan mash-up as the Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga presents The Comedy of Errors beginning August 12 and playing through August 28. Directed by ETC founder and producing partner Garry Posey, it’ll be fun to see the show in the intimate ETC space at the St. Andrews Center.

Till then, a sample of the mix-up of man and master (the Dromios are the servants and the Antipholi are the masters):

S

hakespeare the plagiarist. Yes, if you studied the Elizabethan era in school, you may recall that it was considered completely OK to take plots and even dialogue from the past and re-work it into something your own.

Take Hamlet, for example. Scholars believe there was at least one previous play, usually referred to as the “UrHamlet”, written by a playwright working only a few years before Shakespeare. And they both sourced an old Norse (not Danish) story for the basic plot.

Now take one of Shakespeare’s earliest plays, The Comedy of Errors. A flat-out farce, it does not provide the sophisticated characters and lovely verse of the later comedies—but it has a great plagiarist pedigree. The Bard lifted the plot from two comedies by the Roman playwright Plautus, adapting as he goes along for comic effect.

The Menaechmi provides the idea of identical twin brothers who have the same name, and from Amphitryon he adds the same idea—except that the second set of twins are servants to the first set of twins. The twin sets have been separated at birth and now wind up in the

“Because The Comedy of Errors is full of physical comedy and easily recognizable plot lines, it’s an ideal ‘entry play’ for those unsure that they’re ready for three hours of one of the Big Tragedies.”

Antipholus of Syracuse: Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness, And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.

Dromio of Ephesus: My charge was but to fetch you from the mart Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner: My mistress and her sister stays for you. same town. Wacky complications ensue.

In fairness to Will, the tradition of borrowing from the best continues to this day; in fact, the musical The Boys from Syracuse is based on The Comedy of Errors, and, as we pointed out in the recent review of Rent, that musical is based on La Boheme.

The play continues to have a flourishing theatrical life. A March 2011 production by the all-male British company Propeller elicited this review: “Imagine you’re on an island, unaware that your twin brother is there as well. Imagine further that your brother’s wife mistakes you for him—but not before you’ve tried to seduce his wife’s sister. Add to this marvelously byzantine mix the gender-bending antics of Edward Hall’s inimitable all-male Shakespeare troupe, Propeller, and you have The Comedy of Errors for the ages: effervescent, irreverent, and deliciously convoluted.”

Because The Comedy of Errors is full of physical comedy and easily recognizable plot lines, it’s an ideal “entry play” for those unsure that they’re ready for three hours of one of the Big Tragedies.

You’ll soon have an opportunity to see for yourselves what

Antipholus of Syracuse: In what safe place you have bestow’d my money, Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours That stands on tricks when I am undisposed: Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?

Dromio of Ephesus: I have some marks of yours upon my pate, Some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders, But not a thousand marks between you both.

If I should pay your worship those again, Perchance you will not bear them patiently.

The Comedy of Errors Opens August 12, plays through August 28 Fridays, 7:30 p.m.; Saturdays, 2 p.m.; Sundays, 6:30 p.m.

The Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga, St. Andrews Center, 1918 Union Ave. www.ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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ARTS

Arts & Events Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

All American Music Series: The Divine Right

Spoken-word duo featuring Marcus Ellsworth and Brandi Alexander. $9.95 (includes museum entrance) 6 p.m.

Hunter Museum of Art, 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968. www.huntermuseum.org

Thursday

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Dynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour 10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com All American Summer Music Series: The Divine Write 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Bluff and Bridges Downtown Tour 7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448.

Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Lookouts vs. Jackson Generals 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.com Cledus T Judd 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 100 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125.

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Friday

Randy Smith Golf Tournament 7 a.m. Brown Acres, 406 Brown Rd. (423) 855-8220.

Dynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour 10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com Fresh on Fridays Marketplace 11 a.m. Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700.

Southside Art Stroll 5 p.m. Art Galleries along Main St. facebook.com/southsideartstroll Born to be Wild 3D 6, 8 p.m. IMAX Theater, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Open House and Artist Demonstration 6 p.m. Townsend Atelier, 201 West Main St. (423) 266-2712. www.townsendatelier.com Ladies Night Out 6 p.m. Georgia Winery, 6469 Battlefield Pkwy. (706) 937-9860. www.georgiawines.com Booksigning: Jerry Ellis signs Walking the Trail, One Man’s Journey Along the Cherokee Trail of Tears 6:30 p.m. Barnes & Noble, Hamilton Place, 1200 Hamilton Place Blvd.

(423) 893-0186.

Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 7, 9 p.m. IMAX Theater, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Mystery of Flight 138 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Bluff and Bridges Downtown Tour 7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com

Chattanooga Lookouts vs. Jackson Generals 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.com Smoke on the Mountain Homecoming 7:30 p.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Circle, Ringgold.

(706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.org Cledus T Judd 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Disney’s Beauty & the Beast 8 p.m. Signal Mountain Playhouse, Corner of James Blvd and Rolling Way, Signal Mountain. www.smph.org Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 100 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com Stand Up Comedy! Tim Pulnik 9:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images Showbar, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Saturday

Dynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour 10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com Brainerd Farmers Market 10 a.m. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Ave. (423) 458-6281. www.saygrace.net Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496. www.chattanoogamarket.com

Southside Art Stroll Free pedicab ride from venue to venue!

Free 5 - 8 p.m.

Main Street area.

(423) 475-5533. www.facebook.com/ southsideartstroll

Honey Harvest 2011 10 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.org Art till Dark Noon. 40 Frazier Ave. (423) 413-8999. www.arttildark.com Rock City Summer Music Series Noon. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain.

(800) 854-0675. www.seerockcity.com Book Signing: Raoke and the Camp Raid 1 p.m. In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214. www.intowngallery.com Mystery at the Nightmare Office Party 5:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Born to be Wild 3D 6, 8 p.m. IMAX Theater, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org Scenic City Chorus Silent Auction 6 p.m. First Baptist Church, Golden Gateway, 401 Gateway Ave. ww.sceniccitychorus.com Bluff and Bridges Downtown Tour 7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448.

ARTS

Arts & Events Calendar

SATURDAY

Cindy C. Harris signs Raoke and The Camp Raid

Local author signs charming kids’ book.

Free 1 – 3 p.m.

In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214. www.intowngallery.com Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 7, 9 p.m. IMAX Theater, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.com Lookouts vs. Jackson Generals 7:15 p.m. AT&T Field, 201 Power Alley. (423) 267-2208. www.lookouts.com Smoke on the Mountain Homecoming 7:30 p.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Circle, Ringgold.

(706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.org Cledus T Judd 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Disney’s Beauty & the Beast 8 p.m. Signal Mountain Playhouse, Corner of James Blvd and Rolling Way, Signal Mountain. www.smph.org Mystery at the Redneck-Italian Wedding 8 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Movies in the Park 9 p.m. Coolidge Park, 150 River St. www.firstthings.org

SUNDAY

Chattanooga Ghost Hunt 9:30 p.m. Patten Chapel, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com Stand Up Comedy! Tim Pulnik 10:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images Showbar, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Scenic City Comedy Search 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Movie Night 8 p.m. Sluggo’s North Vegetarian Cafe, 501 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 752-5224.

Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 100 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

Sunday

Monday

Honey Harvest 2011 10 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.org Dynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour 10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com Chattanooga Market 11 a.m. First Tennesee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd. www.chattanoogamarket.com Rock City Summer Music Series Noon. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd. Lookout Mountain.

(800) 854-0675. www.seerockcity.com Smoke on the Mountain Homecoming 1 p.m. The Colonnade Center, 264 Catoosa Circle, Ringgold.

(706) 935-9000. www.colonnadecenter.org Gustafer Yellowgold’s Infinity Sock Tour 2 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay St. www.lindsaystreethall.com Bluff and Bridges Downtown Tour 7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com

Dynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour 10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com Bluff and Bridges Downtown Tour 7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 100 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

Tuesday

Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 100 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

Wednesday

Dynamo of Dixie Downtown Tour 10 a.m. Sheraton Read House, 827 Broad St. (423) 228-0448. www.chattanoogasidewalktours.com Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Bluff and Bridges Downtown Tour 7 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 228-0448.

Mayfield in Pink at the Market

Every flavor of pink ice cream to support Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

Market free, ice cream $5 11 a.m. – 4 p.m.

First Tennessee Pavilion, 1826 Reggie White Blvd.

(423) 648-2496. chattanoogamarket.com Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 100 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

Ongoing

Chattanooga Fiber Arts Group Exhibition North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102.

(423) 870-8924.

“Between the States” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org “Beverly Semmes: Starcraft” 10 a.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

Bob The Builder - Project: Build It Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.org “Reflections” (begins 8/1) River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com “American Dreams” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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MUSIC

Feature

Truckers Gearing Up For Track 29’s Launch

By Dave Castaneda, Pulse Music Writer

D

rive-By Truckers are coming back into town, delivering their take on Southern rock music—and this time the stage is set at a bigger venue. The Alabama group is coming to Track 29 this fall, and it will set the bar for some very solid shows in the coming months.

Drive-By Truckers will be reintroducing Southern rock mixed with rhythm & blues, soul and country. Their latest tour will support their new record, Go-Go Boots,which is currently on ATO Records. The Drive-By Truckers have a sound of their own, unique in the alternative rock world. It is simply described as “soul-country” and they earned their rep through collaboration.

Drive-By Truckers have previously recorded with R&B veteran Bettye LaVette and Booker T. Jones. On The Scene of The Crime, Drive-By Truckers collaborated with LaVette to recreate songs by artists such as Willie Nelson, Elton John and others. Songs on the album were turned into completely unique soul pieces that were out of this world. The album debuted at Number One on Billboard’s Top Blues Album chart and was nominated for a Grammy in 2008. In 2009, Bookers T. Jones released a solo album called Potato Hole that featured tracks by Neil Young and Drive-By Truckers as the main backing band. After a performance at Bonnaroo and a Grammy win for “Best Pop Instrumental Album”, the band solidified their place in

“While I was helping out, I could sense the level of enthusiasm that each volunteer had in contributing their part to the project.”

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modern soul-rock history.

The fall is only a month away but there are so many exciting things happening in Chattanooga. There is something strange and strong in the air, and I can feel it. I haven’t really felt like this since first emerging myself into the Scenic City’s colorful music scene back in 2009. There’s that tipping point when you realize that the whole city wants to get involved in the community that was established as an alternative choice to what was going around town—nothing.

Fast forward to 2011, and you’ll find it hard to not have something to go out and do. Honestly, it hasn’t really been this exciting since electronic music shows would sell out to 1,000-plus attendees back a couple years when it was fresh and brand new. Now, we’re seeing some of the local talent sell out shows and the need for bigger venues was apparent.

Enter Track 29.

Out of sheer curiosity I decided to go check out what was going on at the venue. I headed out to the Chattanooga Choo Choo campuses to see how the makeover process was going and to lend a hand. Currently, Track 29 has recruited volunteer help to help decorate and make over the interior of the venue. From the looks of things, a lot of work that has been done since the last time The Pulse covered the venue.

A massive trussing system has been installed that attaches to the stage to make a scalable venue. This allows Track 29 to deliver an intimate experience for smaller shows, or go all out for a massive concert.

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

While I was helping out, I could sense the level of enthusiasm that each volunteer had in contributing their part to the project. It reminded me a lot of the enthusiasm that kids had in the electronic scene when new music emerged and how much they wanted to get involved in it. In a nutshell, I think Chattanooga is about to see a really massive turning point once this place opens. Music is just one of those things that bring people together—and this will not only help accelerate the community, but also bring the niche groups that used to stay in their “scene circles” together under one roof.

The venue has diversified its show calendar with all sorts of music from country, to alternative, to electronic and back. There are even more shows they have left to announce—and we’ve only touched the tip of the iceburg.

With quality national talent being booked left and right at the venue, plus one of the sickest layouts that I’ve seen in recent memory, this fall will be a revolutionary one in Chattanooga. All it comes down to is the people coming out to the shows. If you want to see what’s in store in your city, then check out the venue online and see what all the excitement is about.

Drive-By Truckers $20 Advance/ $22 at door 9 p.m. Saturday, September 10 Track 29, Chattanooga Choo Choo Campus, 1400 Market St. www.track29.com

MUSIC

New Music Reviews

Wadada Leo Smith’s Organic Heart’s Reflections (Cuneiform)

“Smith plays both acoustic and electric trumpets with his piercing, arresting style with bold, sustained notes.”

Avant-jazz trumpeter Wadada Leo Smith’s 14-person group, Organic, makes the music I’d imagine Miles Davis would be making if he was a cyborg. Let me explain. One of the most controversial turns in jazz history was Miles Davis’s electric phase, from 1969 to 1975, when he employed electric pianos, guitars, and basses, turning his back on jazz conventions. The second release by Organic, Heart’s Reflections, bears a strong “Electric Miles” influence (in particular, Davis’s 1970 material, including LiveEvil), but it’s not quite the hell-raising, voodoo zombie Davis of the mid-’70s (like the mindblowing Dark Magus or Agharta). It’s in a different category, using certain acoustic instruments (double bass, piano), lots of plugged-in ones, and even laptop electronics to formulate a jazz-funk-rock fusion that feels modern, but not the trendy kind of modern.

Smith has many facets, being an early member of the influential AACM in Chicago, an academic music theorist, and free improviser, and he has tackled Electric Miles before, most prominently with his “Yo Miles!” project with guitarist Henry Kaiser. In this context, Smith realizes the possibilities of a 14-person ensemble on the double-album Heart’s Reflections, while avoiding making an overloaded, jumbled sonic mush. It’s notable how much clarity the instruments have; Smith himself plays both acoustic and electric trumpets with his piercing, arresting style with bold, sustained notes, and the players seem respectful of each others’ space. Some of the album’s most interesting

Eleanor Friedberger Last Summer (Merge)

One might call it sibling rivalry if one didn’t know better. Matthew and Eleanor Friedberger, the core brother-sister duo of the group The Fiery Furnaces, offer in 2011 various solo releases but conspicuously, no new Fiery Furnaces album (don’t worry— the band hasn’t broken up.) While Matthew is in the middle of unleashing a total of eight

moments are the more moody, amorphous, and sauntering numbers, such as the spacious “The Dhikr of Radiant Hearts, Part II” and the colorfully emotive “Spiritual Wayfarers.” It’s a lot to digest in one sitting, and during the home stretch, the recurring theme of “Leroy Jenkins’s Air Steps” seems more forced than propulsive, jogging toward the finish line; nevertheless, Heart’s Reflections is a proficient, diverse, and worthy re-imagining of early ’70s fusion, highlighted by Smith’s bright horn, singing the body electric.

(!) vinyl-only solo albums this year, Eleanor more modestly offers her debut, Last Summer. Fans of The Fiery Furnaces noticed that 2009’s I’m Going Away was less outwardly weird and more accessible than previous efforts, and Eleanor Friedberger goes even a step further in that direction on Last Summer, eschewing crazy, abrupt changes and in-your-face keyboard madness for more straightforward tempos and less conspicuously flashy transitions.

Friedberger uses her typical vocal style, preferring to use a narrow range and unafraid to spout out a mouthful of notes, jammed into a makeshift rhythm, like on the imagery-packed “Inn of the Seventh Ray.” Many of the album’s songs are fairly radio friendly, including the album’s high points, “My Mistakes” and “I Won’t Fall Apart on

You Tonight” which offer an easy-to-like power-pop pace and plenty of hooks. Both tap into that ’70s AM radio vibe, especially when the driving piano chords kick in, somewhat akin to The New Pornographers in upbeat mode, and are just about perfect tunes.

A few tracks—the funk-keyboard inflected “Roosevelt Island” and the relatively stripped down “Early Earthquake”—approach that level but don’t quite reach it. The rest of the album isn’t bad, but it’s just not as strikingly great as the two best songs. A typical Fiery Furnaces release is simultaneously breathtaking and exhausting, impenetrable and strange, with parts sticking in you like darts, but on Friedberger’s solo effort, she dials down the peculiarities and hones a friendlier pop-rock approach; the songs pass by easier, but not as much sticks with you. www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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MUSIC

Concert Calendar

THURSDAY

Trigger Hippy with Joan Osborne

New configuration of some great talent. $15 8 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Thursday

Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Audience Choice Night 7 p.m. McHale’s Brewhouse, 724 Ashland Ter. (423) 877-2124. www.mchalesbrewhouse.com Open Mic Night 7:30 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Blues Jam with Rick Rushing 7:30 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Trigger Happy featuring Joan Osborne, Jabe Beyer 8 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. www.rhythm-brews.com Cesar Comanche, Sympl, Natural Habitz 8 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. www.myspace.com/naturalhabitz Billy Hopkins 8 p.m. Southside Saloon and Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. www.southsidesaloonandbistro.com

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

FRIDAY

Summer Hullender 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.com Gentlemen’s Jazz Quartet 8 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Jimmy Harris 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com John Lathim 9 p.m. The Office (inside Days Inn), 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191.

Lines in the Sky with Alexanders and Barren the Willow 9 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.com

Friday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com/localevents Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

The Cadillac Saints 7 p.m. Nightfall Concert Series, Miller Plaza. MLK St. www.nightfallchattanooga.com Ark of the Covenant, Divide the Sea, Everybody Loves the Hero, more 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. www.warehousevenue.com Live DJ Party 7 p.m. McHale’s Brewhouse, 724 Ashland Ter. (423) 877-2124. www.mchalesbrewhouse.com

The Tedeschi Trucks Band 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. www.chattanoogaonstage.com John Perry/Reeve Hunter EP Release featuring Necklace 8 p.m. Collective Clothing Warehouse, 4015 Tennessee Ave. (423) 488-0631.

WTM Blues Band 8 p.m. Nightfall Concert Series, Miller Plaza. MLK St. www.nightfallchattanooga.com Casey Adams Band 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.com Ben Friberg 8:30 p.m. The Foundry (at the Chattanoogan Hotel), 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400.

The Brian Collins Band 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker The Beaters 9 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs Downtown, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com/downtown DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 East Brainerd Rd. (423) 648-6679.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Cadillac Saints 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com The Dirty Gov’nahs with the Delta Saints 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. www.rhythm-brews.com

John Perry/Reeve Hunter EP Release featuring Necklace

Necklace rules, Reeve rules and John Perry raps. $5 9 p.m.

Collective Clothing, 4015 Tennessee Ave. (423) 488-0631. www.facebook.com/ collectiveclothing Jordan Hallquist 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Karaoke & Dancing 10 p.m. Chattanooga Billiards Club East, 110 Jordan Dr. (423) 499-3883.

Saturday

New Binkley Brothers Noon. Rock City Summer Music Weekends, 1400 Patten Rd. www.seerockcity.com Uptown Big Band 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market, Tennessee Aquarium Place, 1 Broad Street. www.chattanoogamarket.com Battle of the Bands 1 p.m. Village Sports Bar & Grill, 78 Fieldstone Village Dr., Rock Springs. www.balloonsandtunesfestival.com Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com/localevents

MUSIC

Concert Calendar

SATURDAY

Bassheads vol. 14 featuring MANTIS

For fans of sweating and the dark. $10 10 p.m.

The Bassment at 412 Market, 412 Market St. Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Brando, Alive for a Day, Jay Skywalka, more 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. www.warehousevenue.com A.J. Valcarel’s Bitter Lesson 8 p.m. The Backstage Lounge, 5518 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-2695.

Rosedale Remedy 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.com Roy Schneider 8 p.m. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org/events Ben Friberg 8:30 p.m. The Foundry (at the Chattanoogan Hotel), 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-3400.

EG Kight and Paul Hornsby 9 p.m. Tropicana Room (inside Chattanooga Billiards East), 110 Jordan Dr. (423) 499-3883. www.cbcburns.com The Brian Collins Band 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker

SUNDAY

Tommy Davis 9 p.m. The Office (inside Days Inn), 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191.

Standing Room Only 9 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs Downtown, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com/downtown DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Strung Like A Horse 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Bassheads: vol. 14 featuring Mantis 10 p.m. 412 Market (The Bassment), 412 Market St. Neil Young Acoustic Tribute with Mike McDade 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

Sunday

Roy Schneider 10 a.m. Christ Unity Church, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org New Binkley Brothers Noon. Rock City Summer Music Weekends, 1400 Patten Rd., www.seerockcity.com Mawre and Company 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. www.chattanoogamarket.com Kate Morrissey 1:30 p.m. Chattanooga Market, First Tennessee Pavilion, 1829 Carter St. www.chattanoogamarket.com Free Range Mystics 3 p.m. Pasha Coffee and Tea, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482. www.pashacoffeehouse.com

The Fells Band

Paul’s Journey 5 p.m. Christ Unity Church, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org Open Mic with Mike McDade 7 p.m. The Office (inside Days Inn), 901 Carter St. (423) 634-9191.

The Fells Band 7 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.com Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Monday

Wednesday

Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Music Mondays 7 p.m. Pasha Coffee and Tea, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482. www.pashacoffeehouse.com Big Band Night 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Tuesday

Rejoice the Awakening, Beware the Neverending, Gateway 2 Nowhere, more 7 p.m. The Warehouse, 412 Market St. www.warehousevenue.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pk. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com

Alternative Celtic music. $3 8 p.m.

The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4192. www.thehonestpint.com

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Open Mic Night 8 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, Ga. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacoustic.com Virginia Plane 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 2 31 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Prime Cut Trio 8 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055.

DJ ScubaSteve hosts Jenntastic Wednesdays: Open Mic 9 p.m. Holiday Bowl, 5518 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-2695. www.holidaybowlbrainerd.com The Last Straw 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. www.rhythm-brews.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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Chattanooga Street Scenes

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Photography by Louis Lee

Beating the summer heat at Coolidge Park.

OPINION

Life In The ‘Noog

Social Graces in Social Places I

go to a lot of social events. When I enter a crowded party or event, I immediately scan the faces present and separate attendees into three distinct categories: A) those I haven’t seen in a while and want to catch up with and/or get to know better, B) those I see all of the time and are great to hang with (but will hopefully allow me catch up with category A first), and C) those who I can’t stand (or can’t stand me) for some reason.

The drink line is the perfect first stop for sizing up the crowd. After grabbing a refreshment, the trick is to make a beeline from the bar to your first Category A choice as quickly as possible. If you encounter several people in between, it’s perfectly acceptable to give the one-handed reverse shoulder pat along with the “hey man how’s it going?” and keep on track, because hey, you “just got here” and “need to go over here for a minute” but will “be right back.”

Seeking out and approaching your mental Category A pick is very important because in many cases this social activity has provided the opportunity to, 1) catch up with that old friend that has since gotten married or had their third child and unless you are hanging out in people’s basement rec rooms will never see, or 2) chat up that potential love interest in a common setting which you each entered into of your own accord (i.e.: sans the pressure of a planned outing or set up).

Now keep in mind, your top choice for chat may not have categorized you the same way. Old friends you don’t get to see often are much more likely to mutually welcome conversational engagement than some random chick you think is hot. You have to know when to contain your enthusiasm and bail quickly if your proactive advances aren’t met with the same zing. Better to immediately peel off at the line of scrimmage than to just stand there grinning like an idiot.

If things go well however, there’ll likely be a point in the conversation when you’ll wish you weren’t at a party. That’s

Chuck Crowder

“Old friends you don’t get to see often are much more likely to mutually welcome conversational engagement than some random chick you think is hot.”

because there’s more than a 90 percent chance that by the time the reminiscing and catching up is in full swing, a mutual friend from Category B will slowly appear and break up the conversation with handshakes accompanied by the “let me interject” comment “what are y’all talking about?”

In this case, Category B friends are serving to turn the one-on-one back into a party. And that’s OK. In fact, the mutual friend connection can likely solidify the “we should hang out more often” sentiment realized between you and your Category A companion. This works extremely well with the bird whose cage you’re trying to throw a little seed into.

Category B friends also provide island hops around the room to-andfrom the bar, restroom or Category

A friends. What this does is provide you opportunities to be socialable with everyone at the party while at the same time avoiding hard-to-escape encounters with Category C partygoers.

Category C peeps are those you know by proxy from unfortunately being thrown into the same social sandboxes for some reason. They will stop you dead in your tracks and stick to you like some sort of intolerable napalm substance that you’ll spend the next several minutes trying to shake. As you watch Category A people slip away towards the door and Category B friends shun you for fear of being sucked into the same vortex of evil, you’re left to wiggle out of your glue trap by any means necessary (even if it means gnawing your arm off).

Category C’ers likely don’t realize what their incessant, “So what are you up to these days?” and “are you still hanging out with _______?,” and “remember that time you _______?” babble is doing to you. Or they’re playing out a diabolical scheme to pose only questions that’ll turn the wheel of the torture rack a little tighter.

Regardless, there are always methods of possible escape.

First, you suck down your drink like there’s no tomorrow. If they decide to follow you to the bar (a 58 percent chance), you mention the need for a restroom stop prior to the bar line. If they decide to follow you to the loo (a 46 percent chance), then it’s time to seek one of your Category B islands and swim to it as quickly as possible. However, within three feet of the beach, and definitely prior to greeting the group, you must turn to inform the C’er, “I need to talk to this guy/girl for just a sec. I’ll meet you over there.” “Where?” Over there... Ωay over there.

Cheers!

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Dining Out In Chattanooga

Forbidden City Makes Buffet Upscale

By D.E. Langley, Pulse Food Reviewer • Photography by Josh Lang

Sit-down restaurants serving pan-Asian cuisine tend to fall into one of two categories—high-end or buffet.

You can probably conjure the images of each in your head. In one, pricey entrees and top-notch service are accompanied by cocktails.

In the other, families enjoy affordable classics in a laidback atmosphere. Now, imagine the best of both in one locale—that’s Forbidden City.

I was one of many visitors on Opening Day at the East Brainerd eatery. I asked General Manager Jason Pan why he and his business partners decided to open in their location. The area is pretty packed with restaurants, after all. “We think Gunbarrel is all upside,” he shared. “Amazon and VW are moving in, and this area had no Asian buffets.” They’re doing things differently, though.

“We’ve been planning for over a year, making sure everything is done right,” he continued.

“We’re not your average buffet.” He excused himself to tell one of the servers to tighten up her necktie. (I’m not making that up.) “We’re upscale, you know? And we’ve worked really hard to make sure it’s enjoyable for everyone.”

I’d say they’ve succeeded.

Upon entry, your surroundings speak to the quality the meal you’ll enjoy. The décor is truly impressive, with a display of jade sculptures behind the counter and backlit columns dividing the space. My dining room had a faux skylight adorned with birds of paradise. Even the chairs were beautiful.

Forbidden City has an astounding number of options, even when you know full well ahead of time you’ll be eating from a buffet. My first

“You really can’t go wrong having a gathering here.

There is quite literally something for everyone.” trip was to the sushi bar. I sampled several types of nigiri, all excellent, as well as a seaweed salad. There were more than 15 types of sushi all told—I planned on precisely counting them on a return trip, but the smells from the hot bar area drew me past far too quickly for accuracy.

The hot bars were expansive. Alongside classic Chinese-American selections like General Tso’s and delicious takes on pepper shrimp and sesame chicken were items more foreign to the typical Asian buffet—Thai basil chicken, for instance, with a mildly sweet piquancy, and Hong Kong steak, thinly sliced and enveloped in a pleasantly thick, pungent sauce with multiple flavor notes. (The hot bars also included what one might call a kid’s section, with pizza and mac and cheese for recalcitrant miniature visitors.)

The cold bar was equally impressive, with oysters and whole crabs taking their place along-

side salad greens, mixed salads, and fresh fruit such as watermelon and pineapple.

A grill area opposite the cold bar held roasted duck, pork, and chicken on one side, and raw ingredients for hibachi style entrees on the other, with cooks waiting behind to serve up the freshest dishes imaginable.

Between the cold bar and grill area is perhaps the biggest draw for parents with stubborn little ones. Before a large window granting a glimpse of the spacious kitchen is the ice cream section. Forget the soft-serve machine present at so many other buffets. Forbidden City has a dip-your-own ice cream station with eight flavors, sure to convince kids to eat their veggies be-

forehand.

It’s not just a great spot for a quick lunch or a dinner with the family, though. Forbidden City’s spacious dining rooms can accommodate any size party—and you really can’t go wrong having a gathering here. There is quite literally something for everyone. “We welcome business groups, wedding parties—anything you can think of. Just call and let us know in advance,” Jason told me.

I can’t wait for someone to tell me they’re having a soiree at Forbidden City. In fact, I can’t wait for the next time I find an excuse to drop in, period. The décor is elegant, the service is capital, and the food is delicious. What more could you ask for?

Forbidden City, 2273 Gunbarrel Rd., Suite 103 (next to Office Depot). Open Sunday to Thursday, 11 a.m. to 9:30 p.m., Friday and Saturday 11 a.m. to 10:30 p.m. Call (423) 3051087 for more information.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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SCREEN

Film Feature

Farewell, Harry, Ron and Hermione

By John DeVore, Pulse Film Critic

A

ll good things must come to an end, I suppose. The Harry Potter franchise has been unbelievably successful, far surpassing any other franchise in terms of box-office draw, and has managed to do it without losing any sort of quality in production value or writing. I reviewed part one of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows last year, admitting that I wasn’t a fan, but believed that in general all of the films are good. And they are. Each film is entertaining, well done, and well acted. Audiences that grew up reading the books also grew up watching the movies, seeing themselves mature at much the same rate has Harry and his pals. I think this is a new experience in Hollywood; audiences connect with these films because of their connections to not just the characters, but the actors themselves.

These films are powerfully linked with the source material and respectful to the fan base. There isn’t another franchise out there that can say that.

As a recovering “Star Wars” addict, I am incredibly jealous. Those who were lucky enough to grow up with Harry Potter may not be able to fully appreciate it. If there is any justice in the world, the films will be left alone, allowed to stand and represent a world created in exquisite detail by an author who was in her prime. Let’s hope she is satisfied with her success. Let’s hope Hollywood is too. Let’s hope there are no remakes or unnecessary sequels. Maybe then the fans

“If there is any justice in the world, the films will be left alone, allowed to stand and represent a world created in exquisite detail by an author who was in her prime.”

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will have a film experience like no other.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 picks up exactly where the last film left off. The film is dominated

by Voldemort, the way an apocalyptic showdown should be. Since these films were made for fans, most viewers will know the plot.

They know about the prophecy, about the Elder Wand, about Snape’s secrets. I don’t need to explain it here. One of the weaknesses of the film is that it is a continuation and culmination of a long story, so it cannot stand alone as a film. For this reason, it shouldn’t be award winning; it just isn’t accessible enough for audiences without the proper background.

That doesn’t make a difference to fans though. The film is about the showdown between the hero and the villain. Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort is impeccable. He creates a character that stands toe-to-toe with Emperor Palpatine or Sauron, a magnificent fairy villain who is dangerous and fascinating. Fiennes is simply delightful to watch. He shows onscreen the insecurity of evil, the need for control that stems from fear.

He is not the all-powerful Goliath of wizardry; he is the personification of the weakness, a self-loathing egoist. Were it not for the strength of the villain, and the actor playing him, the film would fall short of the urgency needed to end the series.

The rest of the cast is studded with the best actors in the English-speaking world. The success of these films is due to a belief in the material to such an extent that the filmmakers were willing to accrue such a large cast of A-list actors, bud-

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

gets be damned.

Our heroes have grown up acting, their skills honed by watching Alan Rickman, Gary Oldman and Maggie Smith shine, and as a result they have become competent actors in their own right.

I hope that they can throw off the shackles of typecasting, because I believe that they are capable of a

different type of magic in the future.

As the series concludes, I have to be honest. I have seen all the films but haven’t been converted. While I can appreciate the story and I can certainly understand the mindset of the fans, I came to it too late. I have far too many questions, loose ends, and objections stemming from my adult, cynical mind. I am too much of a Muggle to understand the appeal of wands and latinate silliness. But for the fans, Harry Potter is a legendary character, one that belongs in the Hero Hall of Fame alongside Indiana Jones and Luke Skywalker. Begrudgingly, I would even attend the ceremony. But beyond the fans, beyond the fantasy, J.K. Rowling managed to do something I consider sorcery of the highest magnitude. She has gotten my 11-year-old stepdaughter to read multiple books with pages in excess of 500. And that makes it all worthwhile.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 Directed by David Yates Starring pretty much everyone Rated PG-13 Running time: 2 hours, 10 minutes

SCREEN

New In Theaters

Eat Lead, Alien Scum adults, not adults-as-children or adults-ashorndogs. Between meaningless sex and waking up in hotel bathtubs, it’s been a lackluster film year for adults who want a night out away from the kids to see talented, reliable actors working their comedic skills in a solid, witty script.

Starring Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore Directed by Glenn Ficarra & John Requa The Smurfs The little blue creatures of Smurf Village move to New York City after the evil wizard Gargamel chases them out of their mushroomlike homes in the forest. To sum up this movie requires only one, simple word: “Why?” Starring Hank Azaria, Katy Perry, Jonathan Winters Directed by Raja Gosnell

Cowboys & Aliens In Silver City, Arizona, Apache Indians and Western settlers must lay their differences aside when an alien spaceship crash lands in their city. Sometimes the best movies are ones that start with a simple concept—such as, “What would happen if aliens invaded the Old West?”—and then stay true to the simplicity of the concept instead of trying to throw in way too many extraneous subplots or unbelievable characters (we’re talking to you, Michael Bay). Of course, it helps when the movie in question is overseen by Steven Spielberg and Ron Howard as executive producers, directed by the man who made Iron Man a box-office sensation, and written by the guys behind a little television series known as Lost (who were thankfully restrained by a two-hour time limit from going off into the nether plot regions). Oh, and add in James Bond, Indiana Jones and the hottest doctor on TV, and what we have here is a perfect recipe for box-office magic.

Starring Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Olivia Wilde Directed by Jon Favreau Crazy, Stupid, Love.

A married guy tries to balance handling a crisis with his wife, attending couples therapy, and maintaining his relationship with his kids. Finally, an adult comedy that was made for real

Attack the Block Moses and the rest of his teen gang look to protect Wyndham Tower—their UK housing estate—from an alien invasion. The darling of South by Southwest earlier this year, the well-reviewed indie film faces a simple yet daunting challenge: almost no one outside of the UK can understand a word anyone in the cast is saying. So, it remains to be discovered whether Screen Gems will subtitle or dub the film into American English or just leave audiences floundering.

Starring John Boyega, Jodie Whittaker, Alex Esmail Directed by Joe Cornish The Future When a couple decides to adopt a stray cat, their perspective on life changes radically, literally altering the course of time and space and testing their faith in each other and themselves.

Starring Miranda July, Hamish Linklater, David Warshofsky Directed by Miranda July The Devil’s Double Forced to become the body double of Uday Hussein, Latif Ahmed bears witness to daily life under Saddam Hussein’s reign, from lavish extravagances to sadistic acts of brutality.

Starring Dominic Cooper, Ludivine Sagnier, Raad Rawi Directed by Lee Tamahori www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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ENTERTAINMENT

Free Will Astrology

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): During my years as a singer in rock bands, I’ve had a theatrical approach to performing.

On some occasions, I arrive on stage from the back of the club. Dressed in leather and rags and witchdoctor finery, with a rainbow of fake eagle feathers splayed from my coiffure, I climb into a grocery cart, stand up like a politician giving the V for Victory sign with my outstretched arms, and have my bandmates wheel me through the crowd. I highly recommend that you arrange to make an equally splashy entrance in the near future, Leo. Picture yourself arriving at your workplace or classroom or favorite cafe in resplendent glory, maybe even carried on a litter or throne (or in a grocery cart) by your entourage. It would be an excellent way to get yourself in rapt alignment with this week’s flashy, self-celebratory vibes.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): When I was 19 years old, I was wounded by a shotgun-wielding assailant on the campus of Duke University. A few years ago, I revisited the scene of the crime. For two hours I sat there meditating on the exact spot where I’d been shot. Among the questions I pondered was this: Had there been any benefits that came out of that difficult event? The answer was a definitive YES. I identified several wonderful developments that happened specifically because of how my destiny was altered by the shooting.

For instance, I met three lifelong friends I would not have otherwise encountered. My challenge to you, Virgo, is to think back on a dark moment from your past and do what I did: Find the redemption. (Read my full story here: http:// bit.ly/StrangeBlessing.)

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In her multi-platinum song “Tik Tok,” pop star Ke$ha claims that she brushes her teeth with whiskey —Jack Daniels, to be exact. In interviews, she has said this is not a glamorous fiction or rhetorical device; she really does it. “Jack Daniels is an anti-bacterial,” she told Vanity Fair. You might want to experiment with rituals like that yourself, Libra. At least for the next two weeks or so, it wouldn’t be totally crazy to keep yourself more or less permanently in a party mood. Why not prep yourself for unfettered fun from the moment the day begins? From an astrological perspective, you need and deserve a phase of intense revelry.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): English raconteur Quentin Crisp told the story of a veteran Hollywood film actor giving advice to a younger actor just getting started. “You’re at a level where you can only afford one mistake,” the wise older man said. “The higher up you go, the more mistakes you’re allowed. Right at the top, if you make enough of them, it’s considered to be your style.” I think this perspective is perfect for you to meditate on, Scorpio. The time is ripe to fuel your ambitions and gain more traction in your chosen field. And one of the goals driving you as you do this should be the quest for a greater freedom to play around and experiment and risk making blunders.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I have regular intimate communion with the Divine Wow (formerly known as “God”). Whether I “believe” in my Dear Companion is irrelevant—just as I don’t need to “believe” in a juicy Fuji apple while I’m eating it. That’s why atheists seem to me like goofy kooks, as fundamentalist in their own way as evangelical Christians. They have absolute, unshakable faith that there’s no such thing as our Big Wild Friend. Agnostics I can understand better; they’re like pre-orgasmic virgins who are at least open to the possibility of getting the full treatment. I offer these comments as a prelude to my prediction for you, Sagittarius, which is that you will soon have a very good chance to get up-close and personal with the Divine Wow. (If that offends you because you’re an atheist, no worry. Nothing bad will happen if you turn down the invitation.)

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CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): For more than 11 years, a New Jersey man named Jesus Leonardo earned an an-

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

nual salary of about $45,000 by gathering up and cashing in horse-racing tickets that had been accidentally thrown away by the people who bought them (tinyurl.com/ScrapTreasure). I suggest we make him your role model and patron saint for the coming weeks. Like him, you are in line to capitalize on discarded riches and unappreciated assets. Be on the lookout for the treasure hidden in the trash.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You’re now in a phase of your long-term cycle when life will be extra responsive to your vivacious curiosity. That’s why I encourage you to ask riveting questions. Ask whom? God, if that’s your style; your higher self, if that works better; or sources of wisdom and vitality you respect, if you prefer that. Here are four queries to get you started: 1. “What is the most magnificent gift I can give to life in the next three years?” 2. “How can I become more powerful in a way that’s safe and wise?”

3. “How can I cultivate my relationships so that they thrive even as my life keeps changing?” 4. “What can I do that will help me get all the love I need?”

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I was considering the possibility of getting me and my family members those GPS devices that allow you to locate your car if you’ve forgotten where you parked it. But then I had second thoughts.

Wouldn’t that be one additional thing encouraging us to let our memories atrophy? The conveniences that technology provides are wonderful, but at a certain point don’t they start threatening to weaken our brain functions? I invite you to meditate on this issue, Pisces. It’s time to have a talk with yourself about anything—gadgets, comforts, habits— that might be dampening your willpower, compromising your mental acuity, or rendering you passive.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): I love how the poet Rachel Loden describes her impressions of Daniel Borzutzky’s The Book of Interfering Bodies. She says that reading it is like “chancing upon a secret lake full of trembling lilies that projectile vomit both poems and petroleum.” I call this imaginary scene to your attention, Aries, because I’m wondering if you might encounter a metaphorically similar landscape in the coming week. The astrological omens suggest that you’re attracted to that kind of strange beauty, surreal intensity, and tenderness mixed with ferocity.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): This would be an excellent time to ripen and fine-tune your independence. Would you be willing to try some experiments in self-sufficiency that would inspire you to love yourself better? Is there anything you could do to upgrade your mastery of taking good care of yourself? By working on your relationship with yourself, you will set in motion a magic that will make you even more attractive to others than you already are.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Even if you don’t usually consider yourself a matchmaker, you could be a pretty good one in the coming week. That’s because you will have more insight than usual about how to combine things in harmonious and evocative ways. In fact, I suspect you will possess a sixth sense about which fragments might fit together to create synergistic wholes. Take maximum advantage of this knack, Gemini. Use it to build connections between parts of your psyche and elements of your world that have not been in close enough touch lately.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You already know what you need to know in order to make the dicey, spicey transition, Cancerian. Even more amazingly, you already have what you need. But for some reason, you don’t trust what you know and don’t believe you have what you need. So you’re still in a fretful mode, hunting far and wide for the magic key that you think still eludes you. I’m here to persuade you to stop gazing longingly into the distance and stop assuming that help is far away. Look underfoot. Check with what’s right in front of you.

ENTERTAINMENT

Jonesin' Crossword — "Doctor, Doctor...Give Me The Clues" Across 1 ___ Foxes 6 Give some stars to 10 West ___ Moines 13 He’s tough to spot in a crowd 14 Robert who played A.J. Soprano 15 Die, with “out” 16 Just made a bunch of black dots in a lame Pictionary attempt?

18 Hagar the Horrible’s daughter 19 Merry Prankster party 20 Thighbone 21 It’s a bad thing 22 Moron 24 “Drew Carey’s Improv-A-Ganza” channel 27 Four balls 29 Cubs all-time home run leader 30 Oak-to-be 32 Considering 36 Intent stare 37 Poland Spring com-

petitor 38 Tennis great Arthur 39 Where cruisers play shuffleboard 41 What Medusa turned people to 42 Actress Skye of “Four Rooms” 43 Detained 45 Doze (off) 46 Lengthwise 49 Zeus’s wife/sister 51 Arrears 52 Former CNN host 56 Olympic sword 57 Land visited by Dorothy, but way, way worse?

59 The Smiths guitarist Johnny 60 Irish humanitarian 61 Jazz and ragtime pianist Blake 62 Math class with variables: abbr.

63 It may be a good sign 64 Teacher’s ominous note in red pen

Down 1 DVD remote button 2 “Tomb Raider” heroine Croft 3 One type of util.

4 Buzz Aldrin’s real first name 5 Not grassroots 6 Martini garnish 7 Swiss peaks 8 Places for veneers 9 Slip up 10 Cause bad luck for “Harry Potter” actress Emma?

11 Bored feeling 12 Go around the perimeter 15 It’s white, puffy, and looks good in a kitchen 17 Sicilian volcano 20 Thrash 23 Q ___ “Quebec” 24 Lady who sings “Bad Romance” 25 Road rash reminder 26 Sign banning an

annoying “Futurama” character?

28 New York hoopster 31 Uprising figure 33 Straits of Mackinac water 34 Mr. Bill’s exclamation 35 Feast (on) 37 Tree of Life location 40 “Dukes of Hazzard” deputy 41 Flash lights 44 Mani-, but for feet 46 Swelling 47 Country in the Himalayas 48 Pallor 50 “Devil with ___ Dress On” 53 Writer Sarah ___ Jewett 54 “Chicago” stage star Neuwirth 55 “Or ___ told...”

57 “Treme” network 58 Wye follower

Jonesin' Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0530

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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OPINION

Ask A Mexican

Why Are There Mennonites in Mexico?

Dear Mexican, A few years ago, my girlfriend and I visited the beautiful city of Merida in the Yucatan.

We were surprised to see a sentence in our guidebook warning us to be on the lookout for Mennonites pedaling queso in the mercado. Sure enough, we bumped into a bearded, light-skinned Mennonite carrying cheese! As we left Merida and drove into the heart of the peninsula we noticed that the Mennonite farmers were the only ones to own modern farm equipment. After seeing two Mennonite farmers broken down on the side of the road, it was clear no Mexicans were going to stop and help them. Can you tell us more about this unusual population of Mennonites in a predominantly Catholic country? How did they get to the Yucatan, why are they seemingly better off than other Mexican farmers and how do Catholic Mexicans feel about them?

— Ecumenical Eric

Gustavo Arellano

Dear Gabacho, Actually, Mexico’s main concentration of its 26,000 Mennonites is in the northern part of the country, specifically in the state of Chihuahua. Their ancestors arrived in the 1920s from Canada at the invitation of then-president Álvaro Obregón, who’s perhaps better remembered for erecting a monument in Mexico City to his blown-off arm. Obregón gave the Mennonites special economic protection, which allowed their religious colonies to quickly prosper, especially in the agriculture that Mennonites (God bless their Anabapist ways) concentrate on even to this day. Mexicans generally like Mennonites—they’re not heretics like Mormons or those pendejos Pentecostals

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and pose little threat to the Catholic Church.

More importantly, however, Mexis can’t get enough of their legendary queso menonita, milky cheese sold acrosss the country, soft and mild and bueno. They remain the best Europeans to ever invade Mexico, with the exception of the Doors when they toured the country way back cuando.

Dear Mexican, Your two responses to the recent questions about Mexicans not wanting to migrate legally to the United States and how you would secure our borders couldn’t be more guilty of skip-logic. There are a finite number of resources in this country, a finite number of jobs, housing, etc. It has nothing to do with what country you are coming from—if you enter illegally, you are breaking the law, and every day you are here illegally you are breaking the law. Period. Bringing in drugs, or more border guards or fences isn’t the issue. You’re criminals if you are here illegally. I don’t care how crappy the water or housing or whatever in Mexico City is. Be born here, or come here legally; other than that, you are no different than a drunk driver or robber or carjacker. You’re breaking the law.

— Made in ‘Merica Dear Gabacho, ...except that the crimes you mentioned are usually felonies committed with malice, while the act of

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 30 | July 28, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

entering this country illegally is generally classified as a misdemeanor for the first offense, and the super-vast majority of those initial offenders are coming in for a better life. Please take your Malthusian conspiracies elsewhere, pendejo.

GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK: Is actually a gabacha: Enamorada Gabacho.

In 2006, she asked the Mexican how she could calm down her nervous Mexi guy.

My response was wisdom for the ages: give him a blow job. She just wrote in with an update five years later: Enamorada Gabacha and her gorgeous, kind Mexican guy are still together after all these years. We bought a house together not too long after my initial letter to you, so it definitely wasn’t a onenight stand or a midnight run to the border. Must have been your marvelous advice!

Best of all my white, Midwestern farm/ranch family loves him because, finally, I got a real man who knows how to work with his hands and build things instead of some dumb white city boy. It’s all good!

Gracias for the update—now, go make some beautiful tan babies!

“Mexis can’t get enough of their legendary queso menonita, milky cheese sold acrosss the country, soft and mild and bueno.”

Have a question? Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican. net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at www.youtube.com/askamexicano!

www.chattanoogapulse.com | July 28, 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 30 | The Pulse

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