The Pulse - Volume 8, Issue 2

FREE • NEWS, VIEWS, MUSIC, FILM, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT • JANUARY 13, 2011 • VOLUME 8, ISSUE 2 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

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The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | January 13, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

PULSE BEATS 4 POLICE BLOTTER 6 ON THE BEAT 13 LIFE IN THE NOOG 21 ASK A MEXICAN 30

JANUARY

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2011

Contents

VOLUME 8, ISSUE 2 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

“But after the name sunk in, all that was left was the car.

And what a car it is.”

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“The Pulse is a dream for liberal movements demanding free speech, and for conservative movements demanding accountability.”

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— Louis Lee, who was in Detroit for the unveiling of VWs new Passat.

— Columnist Alex Teach on what it means to be inside these pages every week.

e c offi e

The

ls u P l a n i g i r o

“You are entranced. You are converted. 14 You have been Moon Slain.”

— Janis Hashe after listening to Moon Slew take on Van Morrison.

“This time, boxing is the vehicle of redemption not just for one man, but for one family and one town.”

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— Film critic John DeVore on the story behind The Fighter.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 13, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | The Pulse

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NEWS Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor / Layout Design Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Michelle Pih, Townes Webb Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Reginald Owens Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Zack Cooper, Chuck Crowder, John DeVore, Janis Hashe Joshua Hurley, Matt Jones, Louis Lee, Ernie Paik, Gary Poole, Alex Teach Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity.

Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

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Pulse Beats

"Q"

“I think the car is beautiful, and I think it will be very successful.”

Hamilton County Has A New Mayor…Finally

— Chattanooga Mayor Ron Littlefield, after the new Chattanooga-built Volkswagen Passat was unveiled at the auto show in Detroit.

In spite of a heavy snowfall that shut down most of the rest of the county, Hamilton County Commissioners met early Monday morning to elect a new county mayor.

In a unanimous vote, commissioners selected Commission Chairman Jim Coppinger to the post effective Tuesday, after former County Mayor Claude Ramsey resigned to become chief of staff for new Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam.

Coppinger said it was unfortunate how the entire process had played out. “We all agree we’d much rather the public had been able to make the decision on who was their next county mayor,” he said after being elected. “Unfortunately, none of us made that decision; it was something that had to be done as a result of that state law and state statutes.”

Coppinger’s main opponent, former sessions court judge Mike Carter, decided to drop out of consideration for the post over

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | January 13, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

the weekend. This came after Commissioner Warren Mackey told reporters he was going to change his vote, concerned over comments Carter made after last week’s commission meeting.

Mackey, who had voted for Carter each time, told reporters he was disappointed with Carter’s accusations of “backroom politics” surrounding the resignation of Fred Skillern from the chairmanship of the commission.

Mackey said Carter’s comments “created a wedge” and felt the county need to move forward instead of staying in a political deadlock.

Coppinger, upon being elected, attempted to play peacemaker and said his main goal as mayor is to unite the county.

Carter, for his part, resigned his position as an assistant county attorney and hinted that he may consider a run for the mayoral position when the next county general election is held in 2012.

• Hamilton County is once again accepting Christmas trees for recycling now that the holidays are over. Hamilton County residents are invited to drop off their trees at any hour of the day at all six Hamilton County Recycling Centers. This year, there is a designated space located outside the gate for Christmas trees. Other recyclables are welcome at the centers during normal center hours. Recycling centers are located on Standifer Gap Road, Crabtree Road in Hixson, Lovell Road in Soddy-Daisy, Yale Street behind East Ridge Hospital, on Dayton Blvd in Red Bank, and on Highway 58.

• There’s a new radio station on the local airwaves, and one that is designed to put a smile on your face and a bounce in your step. Launched this week on 106.9 FM, “Hippie Radio” is playing some music very familiar to the Boomer Generation: The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Chicago, Elton John, Stevie Wonder and The Guess Who, to name just a few. Hippie Radio morning host and program director Logan Carmichael explained that the new station was built with Boomers in mind, playing the music they not only love, but that still dominates modern advertising, as evidenced by the recent use of The Rolling Stones’ “Gimme Shelter” in the national TV ads for the Call Of Duty: Black Ops video game.

NEWS

Commentary

Take-Home Cars Mr. Beeland calls it “the mayor’s takehome care policy,” though aided and abetted by the council in this breach of promise. Is this policy the least significant half million in the city’s budget? We couldn’t pay the police instead of the annexation lawyers, or instead of the public artists? We couldn’t cut school taxes by paying 500 students to leave the public schools, saving several thousand each from which half a million to the police, 3,000 or so to each student who leaves, the rest to Jim Scales’ system?

Andrew Lohr Memories Of Max Hackett My family and I want to thank the citizens of Chattanooga and especially the ownership, employees, and listeners of WPLZ for extending your warmest sympathies over the loss of my brother. My family is very appreciative of the comments that have been shared and we are very happy that you made Max a part of your family as well.

Steve Smith I started listening to Max back when FM talk radio in Chattanooga was only

Send all letters to the editor and questions to

info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

someone’s ambition. I really hope he is remembered as the father of the talk format in Chattanooga. With Max it didn’t matter if you agreed with him or not, but you just had to listen to him. I am really saddened to hear of his passing. Every fan of talk radio in Chattanooga should have a little void in their hearts today. RIP Chester, and thank you.

Randall Lockhart I worked for Max Hackett back in 1995 when he was at “Real Radio”. I had just graduated from high school and he gave me a job as the late-night DJ, where my job was to play entire classic rock albums. The whole thing was his idea, and while I never said a word on-air, many listeners called in and were thrilled to hear full albums being played. I was a big fan of his morning talkradio show (his opening theme song was The Beatles “Hey Bulldog” and he’d often bark along with John Lennon while it was playing), so I was excited to have him as my

boss. Not only was Max a good boss, but he was also just a plain good person. One week our paychecks were late and I barely had gas money to get in to do my shift. Max felt bad for me and took me out to dinner at the Pickle Barrel, even though he barely had any money either. It’s too bad he’s gone. He was a sincere, generous and smart person, as good as they come.

Larry Lebowski He will be missed.

He was a paladin for his chosen causes.

And a devoted father.

He never met a stranger.

Grundy Green Bands To Watch For Another one to watch out for is the Cadillac Saints. These guys are definitely one of the most if not the most talented bands in Chattanooga and they are constantly pushing new material. They are more fun to watch every time I see them, as their music is constantly evolving. They also have an absolutely mesmerizing guitarist in Matthew Walley. Definitely worth a listen, to say the least.

Corey Basser www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 13, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | The Pulse

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NEWS

Politics & Crime A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

Here is one of the agenda items to be discussed at the Tuesday, January 18 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

5. Ordinances - Final Reading: a) An ordinance to amend Chattanooga City Code, Part II, Chapter 38, Zoning Ordinance, by amending Section 38-502 and adding new Sections 38-13, 38-528 and 38529 to identify certain areas of scenic value and establish a special exceptions permit relative to the regulation of structure heights in such areas.

Two months ago, the Chattanooga Planning Commission approved a proposed zoning amendment that would protect a number of historic city hillsides. The change would require special permits to construct any commercial building more than 35 feet tall on sections of Orchard Knob, Lookout Mountain, Missionary Ridge, Stringer’s Ridge and Billy Goat Hill. The proposal now goes before the city council for final approval, where it is has already received positive support.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the current agenda, and past minutes, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_Council

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• Old Man Winter scored an assist early Monday morning after Dalton police officers found men who broke into a liquor store by following footprints left in the snow. Two 19 year olds were arrested after officers found footprints leading around to the back, then off into a gap in the tree line behind the store. The footprints led to the Murray Avenue Apartments, then up to the front door of one of the units.

Officers found one of the men with a backpack containing five bottles of liquor, which matched bottles missing from the store. The two were arrested and charged in connection with the burglary, with one man also charged with obstruction of law enforcement officers.

• Who knew cheese could be so dangerous? A shopper at a large Brainerd retailer was whacked by a jar of cheese dip. The 40-year-old woman was an innocent bystander when a store employee got into argument with another man. The man threw a jar of Queso Dip at the employee, but it missed and hit the woman. She

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | January 13, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

was taken to the hospital with a broken nose and other facial injuries, and may need plastic surgery. The cheesethrower fled the store on foot and was being sought by police for the quesofueled assault.

• Whoops, my bad. While executing a narcotics search warrant last week at an East Brainerd Road apartment complex, a Hamilton County deputy accident accidentally discharged his firearm, striking one of the suspects in the left leg. The man was taken to the hospital with a non-life-threatening injury. Seized from the residence was suspected marijuana, drug paraphernalia and items used to grow marijuana indoors. Two men were charged with felony possession of drug paraphernalia, manufacturing marijuana and simple possession of marijuana. As for the deputy with the unfortunate trigger finger, the Internal Affairs Division is conducting a review of the accidental discharge.

• And Dalton police finally have a serial armed robber in custody, thanks to a storeowner who was tired of being robbed. Officers were able to arrest a 24-year-old man and charged him with

six counts of armed robbery in connection with a string of robberies that started back in November. He was finally apprehended when he held up the same store for the second time, and after making off with his ill-gotten gains, was chased down and tackled by the storeowner, who held him until officers could arrive. The man had been targeting Hispanic-owned businesses in the Dalton area, even though he is of Hispanic heritage himself.

NEWS

Beyond The Headlines

New Volkswagen Passat Already Turning Heads

By Louis Lee, WPLZ News Director

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t’s 11:45 a.m. on the first day of the North American International Auto Show in Detroit, Michigan. It’s time for the rest of the world to see what we’ve been cooking up in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

The night before, members of the Chattanooga and German press were given a sneak peek at the new car and its super-secret name…Passat. There were bewildered looks from some of those in attendance—because the “new” name wasn’t new at all. It was already known that Volkswagen had decided to stop selling the Passat, a well-designed but fairly expensive sedan, in the United States. It was even known by some that the “New Midsized Sedan” being built in Chattanooga was supposed to fill the void that would be left by the departure of the Passat. But almost no one expected the new car to bear that Passat name.

But after the name sunk in, all that was left was the car.

And what a car it is. It looks like a Passat and a Jetta combined into one that has the best of both cars. It has the styling and comfort of the Passat—plus some—and the value of the Jetta. From its aggressive grill with large VW medallion, to the super-sized trunk made even larger with fold-down rear seats, the new Passat heralds Volkswagen’s resolve to be a leader in the American automotive market.

“It has the styling and comfort of the Passat—plus some—and the value of the Jetta.”

Jonathan Browning, president and CEO of Volkswagen Auto Group of America, said VW once held a beloved position with the American public. The Beetle and the Microbus were great sellers that found a place in the American culture.

But admittedly, VW “lost our vision,” according to Browning. The diesel Rabbit and some other misguided entries made VW lose focus in the American market.

This new Passat is the first car Volkswagen has ever designed specifically for the American driver and for American roads. It’s bigger than any sedan the company has ever offered here and has more of the features Americans love in their cars.

Yes—there are more cup-holders, but this car also sports three powerplant options, and automatic climate control, power windows, air conditioning, cruise-control Radio-CDMP3 player and Bluetooth connectivity—all standard.

The 2.0L four-cylinder TDI Clean Diesel engine will get the driver 800 miles on a single tank of fuel. That’s 43 mpg on the highway. There’s a slightly more powerful gasoline engine that’s 2.5L five-cylinder and comes with a manual five-speed transmission, getting 32 mpg highway and the 3.6L 6-cylinder TDI Clean Diesel that still gets 28 mpg on the highway.

And Volkswagen is the first automaker to partner with guitar amplifier-maker Fender to design a premium sound system that brings the raw emotion of live musical performances to the driving experience.

Other features on the Passat include the advance Intelligent Crash Response System, which will automatically cut off the fuel supply, unlock all doors, disconnect the battery from the alternator and turn on the emergency hazard lights in the event of a crash.

Anti-Lock Braking System with braking assistant, tire-pressure monitoring and the Electronic Stabilization Program, along with six airbags and a rigid body structure make the new Passat an extremely safe car as well.

All this for a price starting at $20,000 makes the new Passat a full-featured car at an affordable price.

Monday morning, reporters and photographers from all

around the world were climbing into and through the new Passat, asking questions and taking pictures. Japanese journalists seemed particularly interested in it. Perhaps this is because many in the industry look at the Passat as a Camrykiller, offering features found on that perennial favorite for much less money.

But if you want to spend a little more money, the new Passat can certainly accommodate. Premium options include 17- and 18-inch alloy wheels, power-seat adjustments, leather seats, leather steering wheel, touchscreen satellite radio, navigation systems, keyless access with pushbutton start, and many others.

Between this new Passat and the lower-priced Jetta, Volkswagen is pinning its hopes on becoming a major player in the U.S. auto market once again. The company plans to sell 800,000 cars in North America each year by 2018.

There are about 2,000 VW employees at the Chattanooga plant and another 10,000 throughout the supplier line that will be glad to work overtime to make that plan come to fruition.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 13, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | The Pulse

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COVER STORY

Pulse History

Hey, We’re Eight! How’d That Happen?

By Zack Cooper, Pulse Publisher

We decorated a cake for the cover of this

issue. We partnered with JJ’s Bohemia to offer a weekend smorgasbord of music to celebrate the occasion (see the Music Calendar for the info). So what’s the big to-do about an anniversary of The Pulse being in existence? To be honest, I really can’t say. A fellow media-type asked me for an interview about the anniversary, only to drop the idea entirely when he found out it’s our eighth and not our tenth. I understand that completely. What I believe is going on here is a combination of our eighth birthday coinciding with the end of a decade. Again, you might ask, “So what? Eight years.” But in many ways, it sure as hell felt like ten years and it certainly feels like the right time to review our history and look forward to the future.

The decade this paper was founded in, and published during, was one overflowing with tu-

It wasn’t all bad, though. First and foremost, we were able to get the first issue of The Pulse out on the street in December of 2003, the result of myself and my soon-to-be business partner, Michael Kull, being rained out of a Lookouts baseball game and taking refuge in a bar for drinks. We were working together on the marketing committee of a performing arts nonprofit and had become friends.

It became evident that we both were looking for another opportunity. Michael was in his fourth year as the capital campaign director for Allied Arts. I was in corporate development for WTCI public television, having moved from publishing and advertising to television advertising in the years past.

What are two guys to do then, huh? Well, how about starting an alternative newsweekly?

“In many ways, it sure as hell felt like ten years and it certainly feels like the right time to review our history and look forward to the future.”

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multuous and threatening times. You can pick any decade and make similar comparisons, for sure. But you have to admit—the time between 2000 and 2011 were some dicey years by any standard. I believe everyone is breathing a collective sigh of relief that it’s in our rear-view mirror, driving away from it like we are the only surviving member of a camping party in a slasher film.

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | January 13, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

I’ll leave the months of planning to another history-telling, but after that and securing barely—and I mean barely—enough funds to start the paper, we did.

We asked Bill Colrus to come on as editor and Eric Jackson to be our art director and designer. I’m sure they were only cautiously optimistic about coming on to a start-up publication

COVER STORY

Pulse History

What Does The Pulse Mean to Me? The question was barely out of my poor (and astonishingly patient) editor’s mouth before I had an answer: Freedom.

When I was first asked to write for The Pulse, I replied, “Are you serious?”

As a cop, a real, blood on my boots/shit on my pant legs/ nightmares about porcelain babies crackling and crying and bleeding on my bedside table/laughing at my perceived astonishing-incompetency-of-attorney-RobinFlores street cop, what you are reading here is a miracle, folks.

Don’t mistake this for ego. My opinions are as vast as they are uninhibited, but to have them and my stories published weekly for the Citizens of Chattanooga? This is as unheard of as accountability is to City Hall itself.

The Pulse is a dream for liberal movements demanding free speech, and for conservative movements demanding accountability. In its past incarnation, one story others would have refused resulted in the imprisonment of a man for parole violation for arson, and for several others (including a dirty shitbag cop), doing prison time for various other charges, and in its current incarnation it has proved

and I would have questioned their mental health if they weren’t. But they were just wide-eyed and crazy enough to take the chance. Though years have now gone by since their departure, their DNA is still present in the pages every week.

Anyone who knows Bill can tell you his work ethic and journalistic sense is top shelf; his dogged pursuit of the Tory Harding trial being foremost in my mind.

Many examples of this followed afterward from Bill. Eric’s creative and leveled design skills gave us the stability of presentation needed to let the stories and images speak

a stopgap between the “real” newspaper in town that is afraid of real stories and a broadcast medium in television that has the attention span of a hamster.

The Pulse is a real publication, produced by real journalists and real local columnists that are all but dead in the age of Sirius global radio and global news networks.

Your world is growing smaller, folks; for savings, for consolidated convenience. I fear for the day publications like these will be gone, for with them goes your unique local voice: A free local newspaper written by true local citizens.

Chattanooga doesn’t deserve the likes of me…but it deserves The Pulse. — "On The Beat" columnist Alex Teach

to our readers. Plus, the guy has a code to use it.”).

Additions to the staff began to poker face unmatched by anyone I know. This is a great skill to have as build from there. We are, and always have been, a small, close-knit office. Aaron Mesh, who was a recent graduate from Covenant College, was one of our first (the first?) full-time staff writers. His work on the Edward Antwann “Meatloaf” Jones murder trials remains one of our highest journalistic points, in my opinion. His writing and a designer in a start-up publication. continued coverage of that story (“No, that font has been forbidden drew a subpoena from the prosecuby the AIGA and it’s a violation of tor on the case asking for Aaron’s www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 13, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | The Pulse

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COVER STORY

Pulse History recorded interviews with the defendant.

I remember getting the subpoena via fax. Yes, that’s right, a faxed subpoena. It cost us what was a small fortune at the time in legal fees, b u t it was going to be a cold day in hell before we would ask Aaron to give those up. Michael Kull and I would have fought that subpoena till it bankrupted the company. Fortunately, it didn’t, but I still would.

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The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | January 13, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

The addition of freelance writers and staff, including our contributing editor Janis Hashe, have built over the years. Janis’ incomparable professionalism, guidance and creativity are integral parts to this paper being produced and she has a keen eye for talented freelance writers and how they are best represented in the pages. This entire article could be filled with the praise of the work from our freelance contributors. This aspect of The Pulse, although sometimes an admitted nightmare to manage (on our side as well as theirs), has been one of our most interesting contributions to the local media landscape, offering writers a place, and our readers the forum, by which the very best of our city’s writing talent can be showcased. It’s a joy to see happen each week.

“We’re just so damn noisy, a somewhat-bratty child know-it-all with a penchant for giving the finger.”

COVER STORY

Pulse History

Our more recent history is becoming part of the Brewer Media family here on Carter Street. In August of 2008, we were adopted by this growing and talented group of people. We gained Gary Poole as our news editor, the bevy of staff from News Talk 95.3 WPLZ and the rest of Brewer Media who contribute to our news gathering and editorial constantly.

Gary has provided us a consistency in our civic coverage, something that is not easy to do.

Foremost in this recent mix is Jim Brewer, president of this company. Years ago it was hard for me to imagine The Pulse being part of anything larger. I just couldn’t see us fitting in to a place at the local level.

We’re just so damn noisy, a somewhatbratty child know-it-all with a penchant for giving the finger. Jim’s approach and dedication to the local media business paired with an energy level that is, as anyone who knows him, hard to keep pace with, quickly convinced me that this place was where we could become part of something larger. I’ll go further and say it’s the

only place we could be and I could not be more grateful.

And now at present, if you are reading this old-school with the paper in your hand, you might have noticed that our pages seem different.

If you can’t put your finger on it, we have revised our font palette and done some redesigns within the pages. Jennifer Grelier, our graphic designer, advocated this particular font we are using now and I am happy with the early results.

So, here we are at the start of a new decade and we have plans to keep presenting our readers and this city with a weekly newspaper they can trust, identify with, love, hate... all the emotions one might feel within a family forced to sit down together at the dinner table.

Really, that’s what it comes down to, no matter what our history was or what we plan for the future.

It’s a family. We have dialogue, we have some laughs, we have some constructive arguments and try to push our family to grow and understand each other.

Happy anniversary.

“No, that font has been forbidden by the AIGA and it’s a violation of code to use it.”

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 13, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | January 13, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

OPINION

On The Beat

January Cold, Emotional Burdens I

t’s cold. Not unusual, but obvious, and obvious is what works for cops.

I like to write these columns outside on a deck under the stars, usually with a strong drink and bare feet. Things I have done and things that concern me tend to fully occupy my mind to a fault. I am easily consumed, and this is as difficult on me as it is to those around me, but I can look up into the literal vastness of space and allow that to put things into perspective: my incredible personal unimportance in the scheme of things, and therefore my problems as well. When my head is full, I need but look up after dark and dilute it into our galaxy above and it really, truly works.

I did so tonight and enlisted the assistance of an embarrassingly cheap, tipped cigar (as I am wont to do), but it too seems to have failed.

I pressed on by turning the introspection from a seated plan to a walking plan, and the only difference was noticeably numbed feet, which remained uncovered (unaided by my favorite terrycloth robe and smoke from the cigar) so what to do but write about that as well?

I have now retreated inside, into a room lit by neon and reflections from tin by way of my architectural design, and I am only moderately comfortable now.

A nice lady many of us knew disappeared on Christmas Eve, having presumably jumped into the Tennessee River from the Olgiati Bridge for reasons no one knows; her body has yet to surface. A 9-year-old girl born on 9/11/01 was just killed by a crazed gunman in Arizona on her first visit to see a congresswoman after being elect-

ed to her own elementary school’s student body; she was driven by a neighbor who has to bear pain that is but an ounce of her parents’, to whom which she had to deliver the unbearable news.

It’s an empathic feeling of loneliness, I suppose. The helplessness of not being able to help a young girl who was not even at the end of the beginning of her life, or a woman only halfway through her own…but I at least know it’s no different from anyone else’s feelings on the subject, no matter their vocation. The feeling of isolation from the world, and even my family, seems more profound than usual, though.

I recently (re-) discovered what an emotional burden I am on the ones closest to me. Most readers’ comments indicate they assume I am an old, bitter, single man living under or over a bar in an unfavorable part of town (I wish), or in a shack in the distant woods in the surrounding county with a penchant for explosives and manual typewriters (OK… closer to home than I am comfortable with), but the truth is surprisingly distant from either. My actions, however, make the reality irrelevant because the cynicism inherent to my lifestyle exceeds the weight of lead. And my penchant for relieving such burdens has caused weight greater than can be borne to those I care about most, and it is in that frame of mind in which I write tonight.

(How incredibly boring for you, Constant Reader… but this is the nature of a weekly column submitted by a “professional” many, many people have tried to fire for

Alex Teach

daring to express anything beyond toeing the company line, which by a politician’s definition is “anything they don’t want me to say.” And folks…I say a LOT of things politicians don’t want me to say.)

I think of my problems, of the bad feelings my mate has towards me that I cannot seem to remedy because I am such an irreconcilable piece of emotional shit (which I realize completely), but then I think of Jennifer Germann cruising beneath the waters of the Tennessee River and the stars above both her and me, and how little meaning my feelings have towards both of these topics in the grand scheme of things, and I can relax a little… but not much.

To the families of Jennifer and Christina (Green), you have my utmost sympathy. And to my own loved ones, I say the same…I hope to fix them all someday, but until then, take life for what it is: Precious, and one day at a time.

“We’re all rolling just a few meters beneath the waves now and then, and the stars above do not care. But I do.”

And to the problems we cannot solve, I give the same advice.

We’re all rolling just a few meters beneath the waves now and then, and the stars above do not care. But I do.

Believe that.

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 13, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | The Pulse

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MUSIC

Feature

Joining the Ranks of the Moon Slain

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor

P

icture this: You’re wandering around Main x 24, and you stop into CreateHere because you always stop into CreateHere when you’re on Main Street. It’s crowded, and the band sounds really good, but you just catch the very end of the bluegrass/Americana-style tune they are playing. Then the stand-up bass player, a big man with a big beard, steps forward and the band launches into an amazing version of Van Morrison’s “Into the Mystic.” You are entranced. You are converted. You have been Moon Slain.

The six members of Moon Slew, Jessica Jollie (guitar and vocals), Joey Harris (lead vocalist), Mark the Fiddler, (as he prefers to be known), V.B. (Barry) Tayler (mandolin), Jeff Joyner (guitar), and B.J. Hightower (stand-up bass) have been playing together as Moon Slew for only six months, but in that time, the ranks of the slain have swollen.

Individually, band members are well known in the music community, as all of them have played and still play with other local musicians, such as members of the Dismembered Tennesseans and the New Binkley Brothers. They’re frequently to be found at the Folk School of Music on the Northshore and they speak fondly of Cindy Pinion and her family’s Boxcar Pinion Memorial Bluegrass Festival.

his beard,” it’s obvious something bigger than the sum of its parts coalesced at the Tremont Tavern.

Band members write “about 75 percent” of Moon Slew’s music, and I asked how that works.

Jessica and Barry agree that most songs are brought to the group “as a skeleton”, and then the band works together to finish creating them. Recently, though, Jessica says, band members decided to write a song together. “It was so chaotic and we laughed so much, we’re calling it ‘Reincarnations,’ a song about what it would be like if each of us was reincarnated as someone else in the band.”

Moon Slew’s music has appeal for a wide age range, as Jeff explains in a story about their appearance at Dunlap’s Coke Ovens Bluegrass Festival. “My guitar’s a 1936 Gibson, and it was acting up a little, going out of tune and so on…I said to the audience, ‘If I was as old as this guitar, I’d be a little touchy, too—and then I looked at the first row and realized they were,” he says. But the band easily changes it up for the very different crowd they’ll play to Thursday night at JJ’s.

Partly, this is because, as Joey points out, band members have lived in many places and played in many music environments. She’s most influenced by her “mother's love of singer-songwriters and folk music,” and, before coming to Chattanooga “lived like a gypsy in a condo at the beach for the past 15 years.” Mark “showed back up in the South after living in the Haight-Ashbury district of San Francisco.” Barry’s “influences began with his daddy singing Bill Monroe,” and B.J., “a true fourth-generation Ozark hillbilly, grew up in southern Missouri and learned the stand-up bass by osmosis.”

“The band launches into an amazing version of Van Morrison’s ‘Into the Mystic.’ You are entranced. You are converted. You have been Moon Slain.”

But it’s as a group they believe they’ve latched onto something special. Mark’s bio includes the following: “It was magically captivating when lead guitarist Jeff Joyner was playing at Tremont Tavern one night and without ever meeting, The Fiddler stepped up to accompany him.” As B.J. Hightower is “known as the ‘Tavern Jesus’” and “holds down the fort at Tremont Tavern when he's not writing songs and growing

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Band members speak positively and optimistically about Chattanooga’s growing and maturing music scene.

“I’ve never lived anywhere that had a community like this,” Joey says. Moon Slew, like many Chattanooga bands, gives back by doing a lot of community events, appearing at support/fundraisers for the Tennessee Land Trust, the Food Bank, Goodwill, the MS Society and Pickin’ for the Pups.

What they’re most excited about right now, though, is the impending release of their first, as yet untitled, CD in February. Barry says that with the release, Moon Slew will look to become better known regionally—and maybe beyond. “We’d love to play MerleFest,” says Jessica. “And it would be really cool if Alison Krauss heard us,” adds Mark. “We still have a lot of growth to do,” Barry adds, “but we’re going at the right pace—and we’re like a family.”

It’d be a good idea to get to know the Moon Slew family before you have to shell out the big bucks. For chances to do so, see below.

Thursday, January 13 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. www.myspace/jjsbohemia Wednesday, January 19 (with the David Mayfield Parade) 9 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Saturday, February 5 (solo show) 9 p.m.

Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com

MUSIC

Ernie Paik's CD Reviews

Rikki Ililonga & Musi-O-Tunya

Bart & Friends

(Now Again)

One way to gauge whether or not a piece of music is successful—taste is another matter—is to first understand the artist’s intention, aesthetic, and ultimate goal. So, the considerations for judging, say, a punk song or a symphony are very different. Regarding the Australian quartet The Cat’s Miaow, active in the ’90s, its goal was modest: create pretty, uncomplicated, concise pop songs with a wistful, sometimes bittersweet mood.

Recording mostly at home on a 4-track recorder, with a not-too-ambitious objective, The Cat’s Miaow almost always met its goals, earning a small yet devoted international indie-pop fanbase.

Guitarist Bart Cummings has continued with the recipes of The Cat’s Miaow for his latest outing, Make You Blush, an 8-song EP with no traces of excess or filler. The title track opens the release with affectionate lyrical gestures above willowy guitar pop, leading to a strumming crest; it ends abruptly with a melodic turn, and the whole thing clocks in at just 52 seconds. The few sonic differences between Bart’s previous and current outfits are subtle; acoustic guitar strums sometimes enhance Bart’s electric guitar playing, which has largely shifted from his trademark glistening sound to a cleaner one. Bart’s singing style— cozy and welcoming—remains unchanged, and singer Pam Berry (of Black Tambourine and the Shapiros, the latter of which Bart was also a member) contributes dreamy vocals on two numbers, which are highlights of the EP; “Blue Moon” is a gorgeous cover of the old standard with a revamped main melody, and the original track “Weave Your Name” is like a perfect one-minute distillation of a Field Mice song. It’s important to note that “uncomplicated” does not necessarily mean “uninteresting,” and a focused simplicity with a gentle touch, as heard on Make You Blush, can result in warm, unpretentious pop songs with an endearing charm.

Dark Sunrise

Za m r o c k— the Afrobeatstyle music made in Zambia in the ’70s— gets a boost on this side of the pond with the compilation Dark Sunrise, featuring the godfather of Zamrock, Rikki Ililonga, and the band he helmed, MusiO-Tunya. This 2-CD set is also available as a 3-LP set, which features less material, and the first CD combines the six tracks of Musi-OTunya’s 1975 debut album Wings of Africa with rare single tracks. This is charged, exciting stuff with the familiar elements of Afrobeat— polyrhythms, horns, and funk influences—with Ililonga mostly singing in English (the official language of Zambia) with a thick accent.

There’s an extra weapon in the arsenal, which serves as the group’s most notable feature: a fuzzed-out, wah-wah-inflected, unregrettably psychedelic electric guitar, which can be heavy but not enough to be a drag—it’s still great party music.

The second CD features Ililonga’s solo albums Zambia and Sunshine Love (from 1975 and 1976, respectively), and it launches promisingly with “Sansa Kuwa,” featuring an infectious chant and various colorful musical threads woven into the mix. Unfortunately, things start to get a little problematic after that. Apparently, Ililonga not only wanted to be like Jimi Hendrix but also a host of other ’60s legends, such as Taj Mahal or Bob Dylan, and he comes off as being indecisive, awkward, and truly weird at times on this disc of curiosities. “Stop Dreaming Mr. D,” goes from being unremarkable to embarrassing by adding gawky vocals to the acoustic guitar/harmonica folksinger setup. “The Nature of Man” has painfully overwrought lyrics, like “There is so much misery, starving children,” and equally uneasy listening is the laughable slide-guitar blues number “The Queen Blues.”

An artist experimenting and seeking musical diversity is not a bad thing, but for Ililonga, his best material came from when he was forging a path with his own take on psychedelic funk and not trying to follow others.

Make You Blush

(Lost and Lonesome)

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MUSIC

Concert Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

Satellite Civilan with Planet

New blues-rock band featuring Bethany Kidd. $5 9:30 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Thursday

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Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Open Mic 8 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com Soul Survivor 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Meghan Howard 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Hap Henninger 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt Satillite Civilian with Planet 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | January 13, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Video DJ Nick 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Woody Pines, Phil Harvey and Friends, Moon Slew 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia SOULEDOUT! Classic and Modern Soul with DJ K7 10 p.m. The Social, 1110 Market St., Ste. 101.

Friday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Ben Friberg Trio 6 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com New Orleans Jazz Trio 7:30 p.m. Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant, 3208 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 629-6538. blueorleanscreolerestaurant.com The Features, Bohannons, Shoot The Mountain, Tristen 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Brock Blues Band 8 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs Downtown,

507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com Casey Adams Band 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com Smooth Flight Jazz 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 S. Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.chattanooganhotel.com The Regulars Band 9 p.m. Raw, 1409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstryker Gary Davis 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com John Perry 10 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt Space Capone with Afro America 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Country Thunder 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Duane Cliatt 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Saturday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Milepost 8: Pulse Birthday Party

The Features headline first night of celebrations. $8 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

A Sequence Of Ghosts, Harp and Lyre, Unspoken Triumph, Axiom, Dispel The Serpent’s Lie 6 p.m. The Warehouse, 5716 Ringgold Rd. www.myspace.com/warehousetn Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Audrey Auld 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffehouse, 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org Shifter 8 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com Moonlight Bride, Machines Are People Too, The Whuppins, Prophets and Kings, Rayland Baxter 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

MUSIC

Concert Calendar

SATURDAY

Milepost 8: Pulse Birthday Party

Machines Are People Too, Moonlight Bride headline second night of partytime. $8 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Brock Blues Band 8 p.m. Sugar’s Ribs Downtown, 507 Broad St. (423) 508-8956. www.sugarsribs.com Smooth Flight Jazz 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 South Broad St. (423) 756-3400. www.chattanooganhotel.com DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Sun Domingo 9 p.m. Raw, 1409 Market St. (423) 756-1919.

Yattie Westfield and Jonathan Wimpee 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt At Night, Iron Diplomat, Attention System 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 756-4786.

SUNDAY

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Clyde Dotson 10 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Moon Slew 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Blackberry Smoke with The Delta Saints 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Gabe Newell and Muddy Soul 10 p.m. T-Bones, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com

Sunday

Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge, 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge Three Ring Circle 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs, 1322 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Howlies, Black Painter 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com

Monday

Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Big Band Night 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Tuesday

Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Bartlee Norton & 64 Highway 7 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Tim and Reece 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com

Wednesday

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com

Milepost 8: Pulse Birthday Party

Final party night with Howlies, Black Painter, others. $8 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Big Eyes 9 p.m. Sluggo’s Vegetarian Café, 501 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 7525224.

Arlo Gilliam 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Groove Charmer 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com The David Mayfield Parade with Moon Slew 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com DJ Spins – Karaoke Contest 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Open Mic with Mark Holder 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 13, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | The Pulse

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OPINION

Life In The ‘Noog

Happy Birthday To Us, Happy Birthday To Us...

T

his week just happens to be the eighth anniversary of The Pulse’s very first issue. Oh, what a day for a birdcage liner that I never thought would make it past that original landmark.

But here it still is, and fortunately they still call me once a week to collect my drivel so they can convince advertisers that there’s actually “content” within its pages.

When they informed me of the anniversary, I couldn’t help but focus on the number eight. Aside from being just shy of a decade, eight is a very interesting number. Some Asian cultures celebrate the number eight because, laid on its side, it is the same shape as the infinity symbol. Maybe that means there’s no end in sight for The Pulse. That’d be good (for me and) for all of you readers who enjoy each week’s issue.

My immediate reaction though was that The Pulse acts much like an 8 year old. It pitches fits about important issues. It gets really excited about events that, in the big scheme of things don’t really matter. And sometimes, it wets its bed. But all in all, The Pulse is a fine publication that, like an 8 year old, sometimes brings matters to attention that more “adult-like” publications are either too mature or afraid to mention. Maybe that’s why this birthday in particular is one that should be celebrated with “milk and cookies” at a big party this weekend at JJ’s Bohemia.

Actually, the eighth anniversary of any small business— especially an alt-weekly newspaper—is something to be extremely proud of as an owner/operator. You spend the first couple of years getting established, when you pay more out than you ever get back in. The next several years represent that tender formative time when, on any given month, you might actually make payroll AND pay the printer. That’s

big. Then you finally make it to the stage when you can successfully cover monthly expenses each and every month, as long as those monthly expenses don’t include a paycheck for you, the publisher.

For years I was convinced that publisher Zack Cooper either had a Lookout Mountain sugar mama, or was actually living in the men’s room at Kanku’s.

As we became friends over the years, I reminded Zack during just about every occasional happy hour that, “hey, I’m a writer—did you know that?” He never got the “hint.” I was a Pulse reader back then, and there was one page of content I found didn’t uphold the same level of quality as the rest of the rag. Finally, after all of my subtle badgering, Zack gave me a shot at writing a column on spec (which is a test to see if you can write with no promise of publishing…at all).

I’d been an advertising copywriter for nearly 20 years at the time, and even wrote record reviews for the News Free Press back in the late ’80s. This was gonna be a snap, I thought. But trying to be witty about “whatever” for 800 excruciating words each and every week is not the easiest task in the world, and writing the first one took, I think , an entire week. In the end, I was convinced I had a piece that I could be proud of (probably ‘cause I had written, read, rewritten and edited it so many times I had no idea in the end what it said at all).

Enthusiastically I met Zack at Starbucks for the unveiling. As he pensively read it, I stared at him in gleeful anticipation between sips of black coffee, knowing that at any

Chuck Crowder

minute he’d tap the series of pages on the table and give me a well-deserved “atta-boy.” He never did. In fact, he hated it.

But he never gave up on the idea. The next few submissions read better and better as I was determined to master this type of subjectively unimportant journalistic fodder.

Surely it can’t be rocket science, I thought. I just started writing about what was going on around me until it jelled into what would become a regular “Life in the ‘noog” column. Ironically there’s also a Chattacentric T-shirt company called “the ‘noog” which sells fine clothing and accessories that make the perfect wardrobe for reading The Pulse. Hmm...

“For years I was convinced that publisher Zack Cooper either had a Lookout Mountain sugar mama, or was actually living in the men’s room at Kanku’s.”

Three-and-a-half years later, I’m still lucky enough to have an outlet for my inane observations and opinionated nonsense. How cool is that? And The Pulse is a well- established fixture in the local media community, which is also very cool. So come on down to JJ’s Bohemia this Friday, Saturday and/or Sunday to help show your support for the paper (and more importantly see a bunch of really great bands).

Like an 8 year old, it’ll be a gas, gas, gas.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website at www.thenoog.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 13, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | The Pulse

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ARTS

Feature

Shakespeare a la Carte at Barking Legs Theater

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor

A

s Tim Mooney cheerfully tells us during his one-man show, Lot O’Shakespeare, it’s unlikely he’ll ever be cast as Macbeth. The lithe actor, with his mobile face and flexible, light voice, is made for comedy.

But as Mooney also explains at the top of his show, Lot O’Shakespeare, while originally conceived as a sort of really long audition piece for various Shakespeare festivals, now serves as a way to interest audiences in pieces from across the Bard’s entire canon—with a few sonnets thrown in for fun.

So, when he energetically enters, in Elizabethan-style doublet, breeches and hose, this costume is topped by a jaunty jester’s hat, letting us know we are to be entertained. He’s devised several clever ways of involving his audience in the show: the monologues are selected by random, using a lottery-like rotating cage o’ balls with numbers on them, and each audi-

old theatre superstition that the mention by name of “the Scottish play” is bad luck. We also get to chime in with highlighted text on a screen when, in some cases, other characters have lines in the section Mooney is interpreting. He gives us a brief overview of each play’s plot before performing a section from it.

This approach adds lots of appeal to Mooney’s stated goal: accessibility.

He wants those not immersed in Shakespeare’s sometimes convoluted verse to understand and enjoy the words and characters, and in this he succeeds admirably. That this sometimes comes at the expense of deep character actualization is a fair trade-off in a show such as this.

For example, in the show reviewed, he pulled a willing audience member up to play Isabella to his Angelo in a scene from Measure for Measure, and playfully told her she would be sexually harassed. Both she and the audience had fun (as in an improv show), but the menace of Angelo as he is actually conceived in Measure for Measure, one of Shakespeare’s darkest and most problematic plays, is pretty much totally lost.

But when Mooney takes on characters that truly suit him, he shines. Standouts in the performance reviewed were one of the comically confused Antipholi from The Comedy of Errors, and Rosalind (as the boy Ganymede) in the famous speech from As You Like It in which she upbraids the shepherdess Phoebe. Others were his obsequious, brown-nosing Cranmer from Henry VIII and an excellent take on the completely selfdeceived Malvolio from Twelfth Night, a character Mooney’s

“He wants those not immersed in Shakespeare’s sometimes convoluted verse to understand and enjoy the words and characters, and in this he succeeds admirably.” ence member uses their “Iago Card”, given to them on admission, to cross off monologues until, like bingo, someone gets four in a row and wins a Shakespeare T-shirt. (The Sweet Swan of Avon, a savvy businessman as well as a genius, would no doubt have approved heartily.)

The audience is also exhorted to join with Mooney in a quote from Hamlet, “Angels and ministers of grace defend us” when Macbeth is mentioned. This is in deference to the centuries-

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gifts make him a natural for. His preening and pauses as Malvolio tries to decipher the planted “letter” were hilarious.

My personal favorite of the interpretations in this performance was the scoundrel Parolles from the little-seen All’s Well That Ends Well. In this case, the smarminess of the character came through loud and clear under the comedy.

Mooney’s “One-Man Theatre Festival” continues at Barking Legs for one more weekend, and theatre-lovers are urged to get out and support it. If Shakespeare isn’t for you, he presents Moliere Than Thou on Thursday night, followed by the science-fiction show Criteria at 7:30 p.m. on Friday and the adults-only Dancing Nude at 10 p.m. And if you are up for the Bard, you have one last chance to hie thee to him on Saturday at 7:30.

Lot O’ Shakespeare $10 7:30 p.m.

Saturday, January 15 Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 505-1877. www.barkinglegs.org

ARTS

Events Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

Hunter Invitational Artists’ Talk

Billy Weeks and Daud Akhriev discuss their work.

Free 6 p.m.

Hunter Museum, 10 Bluff View (423) 267-0968. www.huntermuseum.org

Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Comedy Charity Special with Kyle Cease 7 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanooga.gov One Man Theatre Festival: Moliere Than Thou 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1322 Dodds Ave. (423) 505-1877. www.timmooneyrep.com.

CSO Masterworks: Symphonie Fantastique 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. www.chattanooga.gov Ricky Mokel 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

CSO Masterworks: Symphonie Fantastique

Guest conductor Sarah Hicks leads the CSO in works by Higdon, Ravel and Berlioz. $19-$79 8 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583. www.chattanoogasymphony.org

SATURDAY

Lot O’Shakespeare

Actor Tim Mooney rounds out his oneman theatre fest with Shakespearean monologues.

$10 7:30 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 505-1877. www.barkinglegs.org

“Kaleidoscope” Opening Reception 5:30 p.m. The Arts Center, 320 North White St., Athens, TN. (423) 745-8781. www.athensartscouncil.org One Man Theatre Festival: Criteria 7:30 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1322 Dodds Ave. (423) 505-1877. www.timmooneyrep.com.

Ricky Mokel 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

WWE Raw World Tour Live 7:30 p.m. UTC McKenzie Arena, 720 E. 4th St. (423) 266-6627.

Chattanooga Ghost Tour 7:30 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com MANIFEST III: All That Jazz 8 p.m. The Camp House, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.

Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

Live Team Trivia 9 p.m. Amigo’s Mexican Restaurant, 5450 Hwy 153.

(423) 875-8049. www.chattanoogatrivia.com One Man Theatre Festival: Dancing Nude 10 p.m. Barking Legs Theatre, 1322 Dodds Ave. (423) 505-1877. www.timmooneyrep.com.

Ricky Mokel 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com Member’s Choice Photographic Art Exhibit The Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 344-5643.

SUNDAY Sandhill Crane and Eagle Cruise 9:30 a.m. Sale Creek Marina, 3900 Lee Pike. www.tnaqua.org Bob’s Musical Bootcamp 11 a.m. Walden Club, 633 Chestnut St. # 2100.

(423) 267-8583.

Mystery at the Nightmare Office Party 6 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Community Havdallah Event 7 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. www.jewishchattanooga.com HullaBowloo 7 p.m. Chattanooga Area Food Bank, 3402 N. Hawthorne St. (423) 622-3663. www.chattfoodbank.org.

Chattanooga Ghost Tour 7:30 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125.

Ricky Mokel 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Mystery at the Redneck-Italian Wedding 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Ricky Mokel 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com “Heirloom” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com “It’s Not Easy Being Green” North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. Ste. 102.

(423) 870-8924.

Three Ring Circle

Side project of some of bluegrass’s master musicians. $15 7:30 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org

Zen Buddhism Talks: Rev. Taiun Michael Elliston of the Atlanta Zen Center 9:30, 11 a.m. Unitarian Universalist Church, 3224 Navajo Dr. (423) 622-2862.

Chattanooga Book Arts Collaborative 2 p.m. Create Here, 55 E. Main St. Auditions: Much Ado About Nothing 7 p.m. First Baptist Church (inside chapel), 401 Gateway Ave. (423) 622-2862.

Ricky Mokel 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233.

“Treasured Impact” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033.

“Helping Hands & Winter Wonders” Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043.

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ARTS

Events Calendar

MONDAY Live Team Trivia 6 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Ter. (423) 870-0770. www.chattanoogatrivia.com Auditions: Much Ado About Nothing 7 p.m. First Baptist Church (inside chapel), 401 Gateway Ave. (423) 622-2862.

Insufficient Funds Comedy Tour 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. Martin Luther King Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia “Beyond Baseball: The Life of Roberto Clemente” Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd.

(423) 266-8658.

Hunter Invitational 2010 10 a.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org

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TUESDAY ArtsChatt 5 p.m. Big River Grille, 222 Broad St. Chattanooga Writers Guild: Chad Prevost, Sybil Baker 7 p.m. Bicentennial Library, 1100 Broad St. (423) 648-2195. www.chattanoogawritersguild.com Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. RAW Sushi Bar, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.chattanoogatrivia.com The Eroica Trio 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Ars Center, Roland Hayes Concert Hall, Corner of Palmetto St. and Vine St. (423) 425-4269.

Daniel Weeks with Naomi Oliphant 7:30 p.m. UTC Cadek Recital Hall, 725 Oak St. (423) 425-4601.

“Spirituality of Light” Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270.

The Pulse | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | January 13, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

WEDNESDAY Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. Buffalo Wild Wings, 120 Market St. (423) 634-0468. www.chattanoogatrivia.com Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. facebook.com/theeofficechatt Pale; place into parts” by Glenn Herbert Davis Sewanee University Art Gallery, 68 Georgia Ave. www.sewanee.edu “Kaleidoscope” The Arts Center, 320 North White St., Athens, TN. (423) 745-8781. www.athensartscouncil.org Member’s Choice Photographic Art Exhibit The Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop. (423) 344-5643.

EDITOR'S PICK: FEATURED EVENT

Eroica Trio

World-renowned all-female chamber music trio comes to the Patten Performances series.

$22 7:30 p.m.

Tuesday, January 18 UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269. www.tickettracks.com

SCREEN

Film Feature

Great Performances Make The Fighter a Knock Out

By John DeVore, Pulse Film Critic

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010’s Black Swan delved into the dark realities of madness in the pursuit of artistic perfection. It’s a surreal look at a powerfully focused, exceptionally talented dancer, at the height of her career, reaching for the unreachable. She needs to be perfect because that’s what is expected of her. It is a common tale, one that stretches across both the art and the athletic worlds. In fact, the expectation of others is a driving force behind most people. Family members, parents especially, expect much from their kin. The Fighter, although not as good as Black Swan, delves into the same pursuit of excellence, while looking closely at family adulation, the blindness of parents, and the isolation found when standing in shadows of a story.

Mickey Ward learned everything he knows about boxing from his brother Dickey, the Legend of Lowell, Massachusetts, a one-time prizefighter who went toe to toe with Sugar Ray Leonard. He’s now a crackaddicted has-been who trains and co-manages his brother’s career with their mother, Alice. Mickey is a “stepping stone,” an easily defeated fighter who serves the purpose of

champion, the family retains a sort of unified consciousness.

This unity is necessary when faced with poverty. Powerful reactions are provoked when outsiders try to influence one of their own to become an individual. The family is almost a religion; just as Christians are part of the body of Christ, Mickey is a part of the body of the family. This closeness is at once comforting—and stifling.

Boxing films have a natural tension that easily wins the sympathies of the audience. We always pull for the underdog, particularly when we see the painful realities of their lives. Audiences loved Rocky because he was the Everyman; The Fighter again shows us Everyman, but this time, boxing is the vehicle of redemption not just for one man, but for one family and one town. No one gets out of Lowell without a fight. Poverty is difficult to overcome, even with money. Natural talent is valued, not education. Mickey’s girl (there’s always a girl in films like these) is accused of being uppity for attending college. Any success has to be shared. Any victory is a victory for all. Defeat, however, is a sign of normality. The family doesn’t mind Mickey losing, as long as he gets paid.

The film wouldn’t be successful without a rise to the top, including obstacles that must be overcome. All underdog stories come with that expectation, which unfortunately makes for a certain amount of sentimentality. However, The Fighter deals with this by inspiring exceptional performances. There is no doubt that Christian Bale is one of the finest actors of his generation. The film is based on the true story of Mickey Ward and Dickey Eklund, and during the credits, we see the men themselves. Bale’s transformation into Eklund is truly astonishing. Mannerisms,

“The Fighter again shows us Everyman, but this time, boxing is the vehicle of redemption not just for one man, but for one family and one town.” giving other boxers a shot at better matches.

The youngest male of nine siblings, he’s a dutiful brother who supports the family through boxing matches he has no chance of winning.

The family bides their time, talking of Dickey’s comeback, ignoring the overwhelming evidence of his addiction and the slow march of time. The most powerful character in the film is the family as a whole. Apart from Dickey, who established himself as the

speech patterns, and accent are all captured exquisitely. Bale has been nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor, and I would be very surprised if he isn’t nominated for an Academy Award as well. Mark Wahlberg spent upwards of five years training and preparing for the role, and at one point, lived with Mickey and his brother during preproduction. This type of dedication shows how, despite a well-worn story arc, a film can become something truly enjoyable.

The Fighter shows people not often found in mainstream Hollywood films. Most people are not super-geniuses, upper class, or beautiful. Most people live hard lives, make poor choices, and live with the consequences. What makes a film like this great is the realism. Life takes away more opportunity than it gives. When we see someone take a shot that they earned, it gives us hope that our shot is coming. Rather being engaged by a film, there are those that prefer absurd explosions and provocative nudity. I can understand wanting to disengage from reality. But when I see a film like The Fighter, I know that those people are missing out on what the art of film can really achieve.

The Fighter Directed by David O. Russell Starring Mark Wahlberg, Christian Bale, Melissa Leo, Amy Adams Rated R Running time: 1 hour, 54 minutes www.chattanoogapulse.com | January 13, 2011 | Vol. 8, Issue 2 | The Pulse

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WINE & SPIRITS

Riley's Spirits Within

Wodka, Wodka!

By Joshua Hurley, Riley's Wine & Spirits

Editor’s note: In honor of both weather worthy of Mother Russia, and our publisher’s favorite spirit, we reprint this column.

If you’re new to my column, Great Buys is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks a standout from a large selection of wine and spirits from around the world and shares it with the readership of The Pulse. This week’s pick is Tito’s Vodka.

Of course I’ve talked about vodka before. Well, here’s a recap on its history: Vodka is a clear, distilled spirit composed of water and ethyl alcohol. Its name comes from the Russian word voda, which, in fact, means water. No one is 100 percent certain of vodka’s origin but it’s accepted that it originated in the grain-growing region that is Poland, western Russia and Lithuania sometime in the early 1400’s. In those times, it was used as a medicine and a large amount of pharmaceutical lists from that period contain the terms “vodka of bread wine” or “vodka in half bread wine”.

Vodka is made in the same way as whiskey. Like whiskey, vodka is also distilled from water and natural grains. Whiskey, on the other hand, is distilled to a low proof to help retain flavor. Vodka is distilled at a high proof, which produces a clear, natural spirit. Proof, you surely remember, is alcohol content and the higher the alcohol content, the more subtle its distilled source (such as grains, potatoes, grapes, etc.) tastes.

When vodka first came to the U.S., it wasn’t widely accepted. Americans were used to drinking whiskey or rum, which do have more complex taste characteristics. It wasn’t until the early 1950’s that vodka’s versatility in mixed drinks was discovered.

A Hollywood restaurateur, with excess stock of ginger ale, decided to mix vodka, ginger ale and lime together, naming the drink the “Moscow Mule”.

With Hollywood elite as customers, the drink’s popularity spread throughout the country. In the mid 1950’s, vodka’s U.S. sales only accounted for 3 percent of the American spirits market; today vodka represents 29 per-

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cent.

Tito’s Handmade Vodka is made in Austin, Texas, in the Lone Star State’s first legal distillery, Mockingbird. Its founder, Bert Butler “Tito” Beveridge, founded the distillery in 1997, beginning by producing only 1,000 cases a year. Tito’s would soon make waves in the spirit world with total yearly production in 2007 reaching an astonishing 160,000 cases a year.

In 2001, Tito’s won the prestigious “Double Gold” at San Francisco’s World Spirits Competition, where it beat out 71 higher priced premium vodkas. What makes Tito’s so attractive? First, it’s distilled from yellow corn, not grain or potatoes, giving its aftertaste a memorable sweetness that’s not overpowering. Secondly, it’s distilled six times, making it smoother than any other vodka in its price range.

Tito’s Handmade Vodka has a light, clean aroma (you may even smell a slight nuance of yellow corn), with a full vodka palate, followed by a slightly sweet aftertaste. Riley’s offers ‘Tito’s Vodka’ in all sizes: • 375 ml - $11.19; The “try it” size!

• 750 ml - $18.76 • 1 liter - $21.97 • 1.75 liter - $29.99; best valuesave!

Cheers!

ENTERTAINMENT

Jonesin' Crossword & Free Will Astrology CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past,” said comedian Lily Tomlin.

I recommend that you make this a keynote during the next six months. According to my understanding of the astrological omens, you will have the best opportunity you’ve had in a long time to put some of your unsettling memories to sleep for good. This is your big chance to graduate from old anxieties that can never be resolved. You’re finally ready to declare your independence from messy burdens and maddening riddles that have haunted you.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If you want to be healed, whether from a physical malady or a psychic wound, there’s one prerequisite you have to meet: You have to be willing to learn a lesson that your suffering has invited you to study. I would go so far as to say that no one, no matter how skilled a healer, can help cure you until you have taken that first step. So what teaching is it that you would need to explore in order to transform your distress into wisdom?

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Are you ready to get the fun surprise you were promised in your dreams? Are you fully prepared to collect the elegant prize you were guaranteed before you were born? I don’t think you are—mostly because you’re not thoroughly convinced that you deserve these wonders. From what I can tell, your self-doubts are still more substantial than your self-worth. And as long as that holds true, you will continue to hold your just rewards at bay. So let’s make it your project in the next three weeks to elevate your levels of self-worth. It doesn’t mean you’ll have to completely shed your self-doubts, so don’t worry about trying to pull off that impossible project. All you need to do is adjust your self-worth to self-doubt ratio so it’s at least 51 percent to 49 percent.

Across 1 ___-Wan Kenobi 4 Perry Mason assignment 8 Comfy shoe 12 Collapse, with “over” 13 In a crawling position 16 Just sitting there 17 Her “Can’t Be Tamed” video made Yahoo! Music’s “The Least Awesome Videos of 2010” list 18 ___ de los Muertos (Mexican holiday) 19 “Go jump off a cliff” 20 WWII naval vessel 21 One way to constantly check one of the worst news stories of 2010 23 Home of a mail order steak business 25 Zigzag-mustached Nintendo bad guy 26 Patient follower 27 Sitcom (as pronounced on CBS ads) that made tvsquad.com’s “Worst of TV in 2010” list 32 “Lisa Bonet ___ basil” (palindrome) 33 Brendan Fraser movie that made many Top 10 Worst of 2010 movie

lists 42 Pack animals 43 iPhone competitor 44 Part of a green mantra 45 Skin-tight jeans hybrid on thefrisky.com’s “The Worst Fashion Trends of 2010” list 48 Math class with x’s and y’s: abbr.

49 Safer of “60 Minutes” 51 Encl. with some contest entries 52 Breadless KFC sandwich on Newsweek’s “13 Worst Trends of 2010” list 55 Key at the bottom left 56 Either “Lady and the Tramp” antagonist 57 Bar that gets many prank calls 58 “___ Eyes” (song by The Eagles) 59 “The ___ the limit!”

60 Well-chosen Down 1 Of some mother-son relationships 2 Calgary neighborhood that’s not quite where

the Fresh Prince moved 3 French vacation spot, maybe 4 Word before strip or opera 5 Grammy-winning singer Baker 6 Capital home to Willamette University 7 Grades K-6 8 Ozone layer pollutant 9 Tiger attack victim of 2003 10 The Virgin Mary, in Catholicism 11 Puppy love involvements 12 Afternoon children’s programming block that moved to The CW 14 Caustic cleaner 15 Astronomical giant with a spectral letter ranking 19 “Blee ___ Blues” (Count Basie song) 22 “Hips Don’t ___” (song by Shakira) 23 Baby docs 24 Soccer pro Hamm 26 “My Life as ___” (1985 Swedish film) 28 “The Say Hey Kid”

29 Canadian children’s network 30 Billy ___ Williams 31 “Raggedy” doll 33 Liquid petroleum byproduct 34 First Latin American country to nationally legalize same-sex civil unions 35 They get their own crossings: abbr.

36 Fish eggs 37 Trendsetting 38 Jackie O’s ex 39 Ceaseless 40 Smoke, back in the day 41 Ford fiascos 42 Thin nails 45 Slangy subgenre for bands like X Japan, Dragon Ash and Luna Sea 46 Denver Bronco with the retired number 7 47 Well-mannered guys 49 My, to Marcel 50 Dedicated poems 53 Fat measure, for short 54 Spy novelist Deighton 55 Where Taylor Swift gets trophies

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0502.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): What empire are you building, Aries? What master plan are you in the midst of carrying out? As you gaze out upon your realm, are you content with the way it’s evolving? Judging from the current astrological omens, I’d say it’s an excellent time to ponder questions like those. And if your inventory reveals that you’re missing some pieces of the big picture’s puzzle, I suggest you set out on a quest to locate them.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In a famous psychology experiment, test subjects watched a video of six people passing basketballs to each other. Their assignment was to count how many passes were thrown and caught by the three people wearing white shirts, while ignoring passes between the three wearing black shirts. But there was a trick embedded in the exercise. Midway through the video, a person wearing a gorilla suit ambled into the scene, thumped his chest, and quickly departed. Half of the test subjects did not notice this intrusion. They were too focused on the task of counting the passes made by the players in white. (Watch it here: tinyurl.com/TrickGorilla.) In the coming week, Taurus, I expect that you will experience at least one similar trick. Look for the unexpected.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Astrologer Hunter Reynolds says that when you are at your best, you Geminis specialize in “enlightened impatience.” You don’t get trapped expressing polite deference in situations that drain your energy. You don’t tolerate boring experiences just because they’re supposed to be good for you. You’d rather “err on the side of learning-through-too-much-movement” than get bogged down in “principled sluggishness.” But while that’s how you are when you’re at your peak, you can also be susceptible to the dark side of this talent. Sometimes you abort a potential breakthrough by prematurely fleeing a useful but difficult scene. I suspect you may be prone to that kind of behavior right now. My advice: Be skeptical of your escape reflex.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In her poem “Heathen,” Lesley Wheeler describes a young boy who puts his ear

up against his mother’s ear “so that the god in your head can talk / to the god in mine.” The coming weeks would be an excellent time for you to try something similar with people you care for. It’s a ripe moment to raise the stakes in your intimate life…to get closer than you’ve dared to get before…to retire the familiar stories you and your allies are in the habit of exchanging so that you can tune in to the deeper hum of each other’s wilder truths.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): There’s a guy on the Internet— calls himself Tian—whose mission is to correct Westerners who misunderstand and misuse Chinese characters. Many of the people who write to him for advice are Americans who have come to suspect that the Chinese characters they got tattooed on their flesh don’t really mean what they were led to believe (bit.ly/WrongTat). For example, Tian informed one person that a tattoo whose character supposedly says “to learn as much as possible” actually means “empty, hollow, bare, deserted.” I offer this up as a cautionary tale, Leo. In the coming days, make sure you’re not under a misapprehension about what you’re taking on and taking in. Choose only the very best imprints—and verify that they are what you think they are.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I regard 2011 as an excellent time for you to cultivate your unique talents, some of which may still be latent or undiscovered. With that in mind, consider these thoughts. Ernest Hemingway said a person had to have “the guts of a burglar” to develop his or her talent.

Neurologist and author Dr. Alice W. Flaherty believes that the drive to use one’s talent is even more important than the amount of raw talent one has. And here’s novelist Erica Jong: “Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow that ‘talent’ to the dark place where it leads.” P.S. If you do venture into those dark places, you’ll eventually uncover ten suns’ worth of illumination.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Back in 1962, an American company named Corning created a product that was so revolutionary, no one could figure out how to exploit it in practical ways. It was “Gorilla glass,” a glass that’s so strong it’s almost impossible to break or even scratch. Only recently has it found a commercial application, first in cell phones and other mobile devices and next in a new generation of ultra-thin TV screens. I foresee a comparable development in your immediate future, Libra: some aheadof-its-time breakthrough you made a while ago that can finally be used to improve your life.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): When I arrived at my acupuncturist’s waiting room, there were just two magazines on the table next to my chair: The celebrity rag People Style Weekly and the spiritually oriented Shambala Sun. The first offered articles on “hot new handbags and shoes under $99” and “easy ways to get gorgeous hair, skin, and nails.”

The second provided a “guide to mindful living,” with advice about how to get centered, focused, and relaxed. I thought that was metaphorically similar to the choice you will face in the coming week, Scorpio. It’s up to you: Which way do you want to go?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I can almost categorically guarantee that in 2011 you will have no encounters with fire demons, wart-ridden vampires, two-headed dogs, moaning ghosts, wayward werewolves, or extraterrestrial robots. Nope. You can pretty much go ahead and make plans based on the assumption that you won’t have to account for intrusions like that. But I can also assure you that the lack of crazy encounters with unhinged monsters does not mean your life will suffer from blahs or boredom. On the contrary: I think this could be one of your most interesting years in a decade. To prepare yourself, make sure you don’t unconsciously equate adventure with chaos; imagine what it would be like to experience mystery and intrigue that uplift you.

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OPINION

Ask A Mexican

Cactus Pilfering and Hipocresía Dear Mexican, Read your column in the Village Voice and am hoping you can help me: I think I have a Mexican problem. In short, I have a home in sunny California on a property with an abundance of agave cactus and Century plants growing along the street. Every year for the past 20 years, five to ten cactus leaves (three to four feet in length) are cut from the base of the plants that are in front closest to the street. This occurs several times a year prior to holidays, Christmas and others. The huge plants with slashed leaves are a visual blight.

I have posted numerous respectful signs such as “No Hunting Cactus Leaves—Private Property,” but to no avail. I believe this is a Mexican matter as there are many Mexicans living and working in the surrounding area. On one occasion, I observed a Mexican casing the plants and told him of the problem and how the police had been notified and were monitoring the area. He was gone before I could say adiós and the leaf cutting stopped for about six months. Recently, the practice has been reinstated. Agave is used for tequila, and lately has become popular as a sweetener for baked goods. Also good for floral decor and barbecue. ¿Qué puedo hacer?

— Cactus Culero

Dear Gabacho, Of course it’s a Mexican problem—while gabachos like yourself use such plants as ornamentals, Mexicans have long revered the agave (which, a propósito, isn’t a cacti) for its many uses—you named some, but others include making teas, creating ropes out of the fibers, and even needles from the sharp points at the end of the leaves. And don’t forget that each leaf, if properly cared for, will sprout in into its own plant. Sorry to say, but you really can’t do much to stop the thievery—Mexicans pick all crops and plants before them (even if on private property) as a matter of habit given that’s been our American-requested mandate in this country from Día One. Dear Mexican, Americans who like tacos, salsa, Salma Hayek’s chest, Mexican beaches and tans does not translate into Americans wanting undocumented Mexicans crossing our borders to work here, bringing in disease/drugs/crime and receiving welfare benefits. Are you high on peyote, man? Who in their right mind would want to live under Mexican law and culture? Mexico is a mess and not because of

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Gustavo Arellano the gabachos—please, senor! You and your jealous amigos are the hypocrites because Mexico is a top-heavy wealthy country that has no human rights, no freedom of the press, no access to the courts, no due process, no welfare programs or shelters for the poor, suffering people I saw on the streets of Mexico City! WHY aren’t you and your amigos bashing Mexico and its government for the disgraceful treatment of its people? WHY are you bashing the U.S. who offers Mexicans immigrants, legal or illegal, a better life through our BETTER SYSTEM, better education, welfare benefits, free education and free social services?

Again: just because we enjoy tequila and fajitas does not mean we want to be Mexican or live under corrupt Mexican culture, or get ripped off daily financially by having our tax money going to Mexicans’ welfare benefits! Comprende?

Capiche? Or do ya need a translator for this?

— Wasting Away in Margaritaville Dear Gabacho, No one has ever said that a gabacho love for Mexican products translates into a gabacho want for more Mexicans—actually, quite the opposite. From the first Ramona-themed picnics to today’s luxe-loncheras, gabachos have tried their darndest to remove Mexicans from the equation of consuming Mexican culture, and have done an amazing job at it—just look at chili, then move on to your bar’s Drinko for Cinco celebration. It’s a concept academics call appropriation, but the rest of us call hipocresía—ya need a translator for that?

Have a question? Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube. com/askamexicano!

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