The Pulse - Vol. 8, Issue 12

FREE • NEWS, VIEWS, MUSIC, FILM, ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT • MARCH 24, 2011 • VOLUME 8, ISSUE 12 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 12 | March 24, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

PULSE BEATS BEYOND THE HEADLINES ON THE BEAT LIFE IN THE NOOG ASK A MEXICAN

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VOLUME 8, ISSUE 12 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM

“This thing is huge in L.A., New York, Portland, and even Raleigh.

I was burnt out on politics, so I fell back on cooking.”

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— Christian Siler, who forsook politics to sell burgers...out of a truck.

“A lot of people have this mentality that to wear something cool you have to go outside Chattanooga, and that’s not true.”

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— Chelsey Duble, half of local fashion blogging duo Jank is Swank.

“In a significant way, this stands the play on its head, because of 20 roles, 13 are now filled by women, reversing the usual equation.”

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— Janis Hashe, on a gender-reversed staging of Much Ado About Nothing.

“I doubt that Jimmy Buffet or any of his faithful, intoxicated followers know where the hamburger came from or why we even call it that.”

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— Chuck Crowder, on America's favorite fast food.

“We are the closest thing to Old Spain this side of the pond that I’m aware of. We are an extension of Spain and their traditions.”

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— Gustavo Arellano, explaining who are—and who are not—considered the heirs of Spain.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 24 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 12 | The Pulse

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NEWS Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Jaye Brewer, Rick Leavell Michelle Pih Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Leanne Strickland Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Pulse Contributors Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Dave Castaneda, Chuck Crowder Janis Hashe, Lauren Haynes Joshua Hurley, Matt Jones Phillip Johnston, Josh Lang D.E. Langley, Kelly Lockhart Robert McCary, Ernie Paik Alex Teach, Kelsey Williams Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

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Pulse Beats

"Q"

“Unfortunately, warm weather tends to bring out more folks, and then you have people who just do not care about anyone else or anyone else’s life.”

Lula Lake Land Trust Looking For Trail Adopters The Lula Lake Land Trust (LLLT) has announced the formation of an adopt-a-trail program for groups and organizations eager to play a role in the development of the 5-Points Trail network on Lookout Mountain.

The trail network is part of a larger initiative known as The Cloudland Canyon Connector Trail, spanning from Lula Lake property on Nickajack Road to the center of Cloudland Canyon State Park.

Since November 2010, a team from The Southern Off Road Bicycle Association (SORBA) in Chattanooga has been using special trail-building machines to cut or clear nearly 19 miles of new trails.

Volunteers are needed to do the final finishing work.

Groups of volunteers from Scout troops, churches, schools, businesses and other organizations are invited to participate. The program will be administered by the LLLT staff and volunteers. Trail builders must complete at least a one-mile section of trail

by June 2011. Groups will work under the supervision of a seasoned trail builder. All tools

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 12 | March 24, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

— Chattanooga Police Chief Bobby Dodd, on the recent number of shootings and murders in the city.

will be provided. Trail work is suitable for ages 12 and up and is similar in difficulty to yard work.

“The value of having volunteers do the final finishing of the trails is multidimensional,” says Mike Pollock, volunteer project manager. “People who want to get an early preview can see the area while working and they get the satisfaction of having built the trail. You never forget the sections you worked on.”

The new program requires that groups apply for one of the trails on a Cloudland Canyon Connector Trail master map and work three-to-four half days between April and June.

Participating groups and organizations will receive recognition at the trailhead kiosks on Ascalon Road and Highway 157. Each participant will receive a LLLT Patch and each group will be entered to win a $500 prize that can be directed to their organization or a charitable cause of their choice.

For more information, contact the Lula Lake Land Trust at (706) 639-3099.

• It appears there may be at least a partial solution to school overcrowding in Hamilton County schools. Last week, the school board voted to write a letter asking the county to pay $3.5 million dollars to buy the old David Brainerd Christian School on Igou Gap Road. At first, the board wanted to use the county’s PILOT funding from new industry in the area. However, both groups have since decided to use commercial paper money already collected by the county. If approved by commissioners, the county will buy the property and cover building improvements. The school system confirmed they will pay operational costs at $480,000 yearly.

• The Delta Queen is safe in Chattanooga...for now. The last bidder for the 1920s-era stern-wheeler has pulled out of contention. A proposed steamboat museum slated for Ascension Parish, Louisiana couldn’t get necessary federal grant money in time to beat a deadline set by the Queen’s current owners. Kevin Kelly owns the Houmas House Plantations and gardens where the Queen was to be docked.

He told the Morning Advocate newspaper in Baton Rouge, “We are very disappointed, but without a facility to dock the Delta Queen, there is no reason to purchase it.”

The current ownership of the legendary riverboat said they were pleased to remain in Chattanooga, where they felt they have made a home for the proud boat.

NEWS

Commentary

Smoking Comedy While I find it encouraging that Chattanooga has a burgeoning comedy scene, one thing that would really help is to have more events that aren’t held in smoke-choked nightclubs where you have to peer through a nicotine haze just to see the comedians. If the Comedy Catch can get by without smoking, maybe other clubs will follow their lead.

James Carlton Odd Combination Maybe it’s because I’ve become an “old fogie” in my forties, but when you have ads for wonderful events such as the Conference on Southern Literature, the Chattanooga Symphony and the Hunter Museum next to a bizarre article about horror filmmaking, it seems like maybe you folks are maybe trying to be too much of everything for everyone.

Wanda Morehouse In Defense Of EDM Live music is great and all, and as a percussionist in many bands in my youth, I t have tasted both realms. That said,

Send all letters to the editor and questions to

info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

there is a certain level of happiness and a vibe that follows in the Electronic Dance Music community I was never able to feel or achieve playing with other acts as a band. I’ll stick to what I love.

DJ Oreo Chattanooga River Market The first sign of Spring may be a robin,

but for my family, we knew it was truly Spring when we visited the Chattanooga River Market this past Saturday. All of us (even my husband) had a great time and were impressed by how talented so many of our neighbors were. Thanks to letting us know about the market. We look forward to The Pulse every week to find out about things just like this.

Marjorie Tanner McKamey Needs Your Help We have had a bunch of chewers at McKamey Animal Center that aren’t satisfied with chewing up their toys and Kongs! They have used their Kuranda Beds as chewy toys. It is best practices for every dog to have a comfy Kuranda bed to lie on while they stay with us.

We need your help getting the word out to our community asking them to donate a Kuranda bed to Chattanooga’s homeless animals. To donate visit www. mckameyanimalcenter.org, click on Contribute, and then click on Donate a Kuranda Bed. The beds will be delivered directly to the Center.

Karen Walsh www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 24 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 12 | The Pulse

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NEWS

Politics & Crime A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

Here is one of the agenda items to be discussed at the Tuesday, March 29 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

7. Resolutions: d) A resolution authorizing Highland Park Commons, Inc., c/o Cullen Hooks, to use temporarily the right-of-way along the northern most property lines of the 2000 block of Union Avenue to redesign the site to include new streetscapes, sidewalks, and fencing, as shown in the drawings attached hereto and made a part hereof by reference, subject to certain conditions.

Within a part of town that has been making great progress in redefining and reestablishing itself as a residential destination, the Highland Park Commons development is being welcomed by many.

Considering that for the past decade or so, nearly all of the development attention has been focused on downtown, Hixson and the commercial districts around East Brained and Ooltewah, it’s refreshing to see the continued development of the Southside, Highland Park and Alton Park portions of the city.

And even something as simple as the council granting a temporary use of right-of-way can make development so much easier and help continue to improve what were once seen as the long-forgotten parts of town.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the current agenda, and past minutes, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/City_Council

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• One of the most effective tactics local law enforcement has in its ongoing fight against gangs is the “saturation” patrol.

That’s where a variety of local, state and federal law enforcement agencies team up and go into a specific part of town looking for lawbreakers. The results from the most recent saturation, which took place last Thursday and Friday, were most impressive: 57 arrests, including 15 for felonies. A dozen of those arrested belonged to local gangs, which have been much in the news of late. Also confiscated were two handguns, as well as more than $8,300 in cash, and an assortment of illegal drugs. Chattanooga Police Chief Bobby Dodd said that more saturations are planned, but declined to go into specifics on the when and where, so as not to give the bad guys any advance warning.

• Just because you have a badge does not mean you are a police officer. One Dalton security guard was apparently unclear on this little fact, and took it upon himself to play traffic cop. Unfortunately for him, the vehicle he targeted for a traffic stop happened to be owned by the Dalton Police Department and driven by an undercover detective. When the security guard realized whom he had tried to stop,

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 12 | March 24, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

he made an attempt to leave but was quickly prevented by the real cop. The detective noted that the guard was wearing a badge, a holstered gun and handcuffs on his belt, was dressed in police-style clothing, and had modified his Ford Crown Victoria (a commonly used law-enforcement vehicle) with strobe lights and police antenna. The wannabe cop was arrested and charged with impersonating a law enforcement officer, along with other charges.

• We understand that most people have no desire to go to jail. We’ve toured the insides of our local jails and can attest that they are not nice places to be. Still, when officers have a warrant for your arrest, the easiest (if unpleasant) thing to do is surrender peacefully. Barricading yourself inside your house is generally not a welcome reaction, which a 60-year-old resident on East 18th Street learned last week to his obvious consternation. The man, who had outstanding warrants for aggravated assault, tried to outlast officers but when faced with a group of SWAT officers, eventually decided discretion was the better part of valor and gave up peacefully. The end result delayed the inevitable by only three hours and most likely added on to eventual punishment, which is simply not a good return on investment.

• There is one surefire way to rid oneself of the scourge of backyard kudzu. Alas, that method literally involves fire, and as one Signal Mountain resident learned the hard way, kudzu often hides more combustible material underneath its green carpet.

A homeowner, who had applied for and received both a burn permit and permission from the fire department to burn off a small section of kudzu-covered land behind his house was surprised by the speed at which the fire grew. Even with speedy notification and response by the fire department, it ended up taking approximately 50 firefighters from eight departments a good portion of the day to bring the blaze under control. All told, nearly 15 acres were burned, though no houses or other properties were damaged. The homeowner was not charged with any violation, as he had the proper permits and permissions, but has vowed to stay away from fire in the future.

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OPINION

Beyond The Headlines

Keep On Food Truckin’

By Kelsey Williams, Pulse Contributing Writer

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omething new has rolled onto corners all over town. Standing 12.5 feet tall, 23 feet long, and weighing in at a whopping 14,000 pounds, this truck is definitely a heavyweight, knocking out burgers all over town.

The Southern Burger Co., Chattanooga’s first official food truck, celebrated its grand opening with a party in the parking lot of Chattanooga Brewing Company on March 12, introducing Chattanoogans to the “mobile food” trend driving through cities across the country.

For the past several years, the premium food truck trend has been taking over cities across the country.

Most Americans have been acquainted with cheap, fast (and mostly mediocre) food from hot-dog carts and taco trucks for ages, but more recently, restaurateurs have taken over the road serving much more.

These roving restaurants serve everything from Vietnamese pho to rotisserie meats, barbecue, curry, traditional French crepes, burgers, sushi, and even crème brulee.

even Raleigh,” Siler says. “I was burnt out on politics, so I fell back on cooking.”

“I knew I wanted to open a restaurant someday,” he explains, “and a truck is a good way to keep the overhead low, and increase the chance of success.”

To make the truck a reality, Siler enlisted the help of Ooltewah High School friend and classmate, Grant Freeman, to bring the culinary artillery. Freeman graduated from the prestigious Le Cordon Bleu culinary school and has spent the past several years in fine-dining establishments worldwide, from the Phillipines to celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse’s restaurant, Emeril’s.

Originally, Siler said, they were planning to cook up breakfast food, but after a trip to Raleigh, N.C., the burger truck Only Burger, which won second place in the Food Network show The Great Food Truck Race, inspired a change of heart.

Burgers have been trending in the American food scene in their own right for some time.

Celebrity chefs like Top Chef contestant Spike Mendelsohn and Bobby Flay each have their own burger joints, and even President Obama has famously taken diplomats to Ray’s Hell Burger in D.C. The Southern Burger Co. burgers are all about following in the premium-burger trend when it comes to ingredients. The beef is Tennessee grass-fed beef from

“This thing is huge in L.A., New York, Portland, and even Raleigh. I was burnt out on politics, so I fell back on cooking.”

The beauty of these trucks, food entrepreneurs have found, is that they strip restaurants down to the bare bones—a kitchen—allowing chefs to focus on the food while keeping costs low.

Last year, Christian Siler, 26, having spent the past several years working on various political campaigns, decided that it was time for a change of pace.

“This thing is huge in L.A., New York, Portland, and

Springfield Gourmet Pasture Beef. The bacon comes from Benton’s Smoky Mountain Country Hams of Madisonville, TN. The pickle slices are Wickle’s pickles from Dadeville, Al., and the buns are sourdough from the Bread Basket on Signal Mountain.

This spring, Siler says, “We plan to buy as much locally as we can afford.”

The problem with the premium-burger trend, he notes, is the cost. Many high-end burger joints have jacked up prices to more than $10 a burger in many cases, effectively denying the American classic its everyman-can-afford status.

The Southern Burger Co. keeps its classic burger under $6 and specialty burgers at $6.50.

For non-red meat eaters, the truck also serves a hormone-free chicken sandwich, and a not-officially-onthe-menu vegetarian black bean burger.

But how can you get your hands on a Southern Burger Co. burger? Now that the truck is up and running, is tracking down a restaurant that changes location daily a problem? Siler and friends have set up Facebook and Twitter profiles to let their fans know their location from day to day.

Most days though, Chattanoogans should look for the guys in their large white truck dishing up burgers and fries on corners around downtown.

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COVER STORY

Fashion & Business

Independent Fashion in the Fast Lane

By Lauren Haynes, Pulse Contributing Writer

army of fashion to our streets, the radical change in our fashion landscape is still emerging. Leo has also made a move up to the front lines of Frazier and decreased their clothing inventory exponentially, due in part to over-supply and under-demand.

embroidered laser beams and screen-printed veggies, and has rightfully developed a cult following.

“There’s no love that goes into factory-made prodrior to the opening of Leo Handmade Gallery ucts,” she says. “It’s a nice feeling when you can acin the summer of 2009, the stylish youth of Chattatually put a face to the product that you buy and nooga had few shopping options outside the Internet know that you are and thrift stores. supporting a good Then, as it nestled on the backside of Frazier Avcause. The hard part enue, Leo introduced us to independent designers of it is when you and clothing labels from all over the country, bringhave little money ing them to our hometown from the unknown. Salto spend, and that is vation. where D.I.Y. comes Bridget Miller, co-owns Leo Handmade and dein. signs of Astronette, an affordable handmade line “I never really constructed with had the intention sustainable fabrics. to sell the things I She moved here with made until I moved her partner John Hall to Chattanooga and from Asheville, NC in saw that not many 2009, and together people were doing it they opened Leo here. I think people Handmade Gallery, a here are becoming cozy, arty space that more concerned showcases handmade about where the goods from across the things they buy country. come from.”

Around the same Portland also lent time, we were also us another local being blessed with a wunderkind, Erin new vintage spot in Burnap of Forget St. Elmo. Collective Me Knot ClothClothing has been a ing. Erin created haven for thrifters Forget Me Knot in and lovers of dress-up 2005 while still livever since its incep“We have over ing in Portland, but now sells her vintage-inspired line tion in 2009.

200 vendors at around the Southeast. She employs couture dress“We sell a lot of Leo,” Miller says. making techniques to recreate vintage dresses, usboots, dresses, and “Right now we only ing rare vintage fabrics, buttons, and zippers to make crazy animal shirts,” have about four girls contemporary fashions. Erin’s clothes are a little who make clothes.” more subdued, traditional, ready to wear by the aversays Sondra Aten, Jessie Bean age 20-to-30-something. who owns Collective “I hope the D.I.Y. culture and aesthetic inspires with her husband Travis. “You never know if they are Goodman, a Mississippi native who moved here in 2010 from Portland, OR, is one such girl. Her epon- people to have more fun, be individual with their going to wear it or if it’s a joke.”

Although wearing stellar secondhand clothes hand- ymous sweatshirt, dress, and T-shirt line comes alive style, and to feel more comfortable dressing a little picked for the hip consumer should have deployed an with wild animals and wild colors embellished with different,” says Burnap. “It is important to recognize

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“It’s a nice feeling when you can actually put a face to the product that you buy and know that you are supporting a good cause.”

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COVER STORY

Fashion & Business

“A lot of people have this mentality that to wear something cool you have to go outside Chattanooga, and that’s not true.” and utilize materials that can be repurposed into things we use everyday.”

Chattanooga native Jaime Bilbrey is a wedding photographer by day and designer of Handmade with Love by night.

Bilbrey, who sells her fashions on Etsy, feels people may be deterred from buying vintage because they aren’t sure how to wear it. “With my line I essentially take a vintage dress you would find but aren’t sure if you could wear and turn it into a treasure you can’t live without,” she says.

Bilbrey is optimistic about independent design in Chattanooga.

“Chattanooga is a small ‘big city,’” she says. “I love that we have the arts and crafts ‘folk’ vibe, which makes D.I.Y. thrive but at the same time, it’s like we don’t know we aren’t in a big city. We have all the aspirations of designers living in Atlanta. And for a good reason.”

Chelsey Duble, half of local blogging duo Jank is Swank argues, “A lot of people have this mentality that to wear

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 12 | March 24, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

something cool you have to go outside Chattanooga, and that’s not true.”

Begging new designers to come out of the woodwork, Duble acknowledges the advantages of having a completely blank slate in Chattanooga. “Literally anyone who wants to step forward and be in the forefront of the effort to make Chattanooga cooler stylistically will be revolutionary,” she says. “If there’s no push forward, people will never move.”

“It’s not a threat that our community hasn’t embraced alternative fashion,” says Collective’s Sondra Aten. “It’s kind of the coolness about it. You may see more vibrant looks in Atlanta but Chattanooga is getting there.”

Visit the designers mentioned at: www.Jankisswank.com www.jaimebilbrey.com www.jessiebeang.com leohandmadegallery.blogspot.com www.twitter.com/collectivecloth

COVER STORY

Fashion & Business

Chattanooga Retail Fashion Evolution

By Robert McCary, Pulse Writer

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hether you are a native of Chattanooga or a more recent addition to the population, navigating where you shop for clothing and updated fashion trends has taken a turn to variety in design, brands and the players who are bringing the goods to our market.

The core boutique offerings that have established alternative choices in our city have carved out their niches.

Sophie’s, Jonesy’s Upstairs, Backstreet Betty’s, Embellish and the handful of counterparts that brought fashions you would have to travel to Atlanta, at the very least, in order to get your hands on, expanded the choices and access.

What has been added to the mix of fashion retail in the past year has expanded our access to unique brands, fitted choices, bespoke styles and curated stock.

Two of the recent fashion retail players opening shop are Beech’s Boutique on the Eastside of the city, and

DREWLEWIS at Warehouse Row downtown. Visiting these retail spaces and speaking with the creators of them, one gets a sense of the clarity of what they offer and why.

Beech’s Boutique was established in the interior of Hamilton Place Mall, but the space the shop has recently moved to now separates itself from the crowd of the expected and lives up to its unique offerings. Owner Stephanie Vintror brings her fashion sense from Los Angeles, having relocated to Chattanooga in 2008. She is keen on limiting her inventory of any one particular piece, so that her customers are sure to have distinctive looks without having to worry that the same dress will show up at the cocktail party. “I will stock five or six of a particular piece. Once they are sold, I will not restock that item again. This keeps my inventory fresh as well as better serving my clientele,”says Stephanie.

Carrying brands such as Holy G, Rubber Duckie, Lost April and C. Luce, Beech’s brings distinctive designer styles to our market and these also give the boutique its personality and a way of serving customers. Stephanie has an obvious cus-

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COVER STORY

Fashion & Business

tomer-service focus. It’s a distinctive experience that she wants to offer customers. “We get to know our clients’ preferences, fittings and taste and we present them with forward-looking trends and proven design brands to match,” she says.

A recent addition to the selection for men comes to us from Atlanta by way of New York City.

DREWLEWIS established a store at Warehouse Row in early December 2010. David Lewis Gore and Seth Andrew Koss have operated DREWLEWIS Atlanta for four years now, and Chattanooga’s shop brings us a keen style palette and exclusive fashion brands that have not been available before thisß store’s opening. Speaking with David about the shop and the perspective DREWLEWIS brings to local

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fashion choices, it’s evident there is a mission. “Blue jeans do not go with everything. We offer selected designer brands that offer men choices much further beyond what had been available,” he says.

To that point, DREWLEWIS offers selections from Gant Rugger, Marc Jacobs, Michael Bastian Billy Reid and Penny Stock, with the lines covering pants, shirts and accessories.

Rounding the store out is a selection of bags from Jack Spade as well a small collection of clothing from Spade as well. David’s experience in the New York fashion industry with Hugo Boss and the partnership’s successful history in Atlanta inform displays in the Chattanooga shop.

The choices DREWLEWIS presents offer excel-

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 12 | March 24, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

lent fit, curated styles across the brands, seasonal lines and the added quality of detail that is impossible to locate in department stores or big-box retail.

The DREWLEWIS space is well-designed, well-lit and carefully stocked with just what is needed, with a clear editing process of style and selection on display.

It’s the “art of retail”—and men in this city now have much better fashion prospects because of this.

The progression of a city’s growth and maturity as an urban center can, if done right, benefit the citizens in many ways. One of the ways is the selection of local, independent retailers offering distinctive goods.

Beech’s Boutique and DREWLEWIS are two distinct retailers offering their unique brand and choices.

Their arrival couldn’t be more timely or welcomed.

DREWLEWIS 1110 Market St #115 at Warehouse Row Chattanooga 423-475-6345 Drew-Lewis.com

BEECH'S BOUTIQUE 1925-D Gunbarrel Rd. #107 (behind Chili's) Chattanooga 423-702-5500 beechboutique.com

COVER STORY

Fashion & Business

Go Cruelty-Free ...And Lemon Fresh

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor Citron Skin Indulging Body Soufflé, which also uses shea butter in its forne trend that can be described mulation. www.crabtree-evelyn.com. as “beyond fashion” is to skin and hairBrand new in the skincare market is care products that are not tested on Limoneria, based in Santa Paula, CA. animals, also called cruelty-free. At The interesting story behind this comone time, these could only be found in pany is that it’s a sideline for a major health food and specialty stores or on- lemon and avocado grower and the line line—but no more. Companies both big is based—no surprise—on lemon and and small are embracing the cruelty- avocados. Not available except online free credo. at this time, its gentle and wonderfulCombine this with a hot spring trend smelling products are well worth checkto citrus and citron-based products and ing out. Recommended: Limoneria Oryou’ll find two companies that make ganic Lemon Balm Daily Moisturizer great examples. and Lavender Avocado Facial Cleanser.

Crabtree & Evelyn, founded in 1973, The company also makes fabulous gift has more than 350 stores throughout the world and has always specialized in packs that include skincare products products created from herbal and floral packaged with their gourmet lemons essences. Their new Citron Body Col- and avocados. www.limoneira.com.

To research companies that do not test lection, featuring essences of citron, lemon leaf, coriander and honey, is lux- on animals (and those that do), visit www. urious and effective. Standouts include peta.org/living/beauty-and-personalthe Citron Bath & Shower Gel and the care/companies.

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OPINION

On The Beat

Sgt. Coolidge Marches On O

n the 24th of October, 1944, Tech Sergeant Charles H. Coolidge of Signal Mountain, TN, was doing reconnaissance with a platoon of Army infantry when they ran into a company-sized force of German soldiers.

I don’t know what kind of man the 20-something was prior to the war, but on this day, his response to the superior force was to suck in a chest full of air, stand his ground, and call for them to by-God surrender in an attempt to bluff them, They responded by opening fire, and he threw rounds back, wounding two of them right off the bat as his platoon dug in.

There was no officer present so the sergeant took command, and walked up and down the position, calmly encouraging his men (this being the first firefight for most) and directing their fire as enemy bullets whizzed past him. His influence was effective, and the attack was repelled—then repeated again and again for two more days.

The Germans grew wary and brought in tanks, to which Coolidge responded by arming himself with a bazooka and got within 25 yards of the armor…to find the bazooka failing to function. How does a guy like Charles react to this? He throws it aside and crawls even closer with all the grenades he can carry to inflict as much damage as possible.

Surviving this too, and knowing the odds were so stacked against his men, he conducted an orderly withdrawal until he was the last man to leave after four days of continuous fighting.

For this, he was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor.

And for that, we named the finest piece of downtown real estate Coolidge Park.

I have told you all this for two reasons: One, most local people simply don’t know this (or at least how he earned that rare piece of brass). The other is that without this knowledge, the irony of the park named for a war veteran becoming an occasional war zone is lost on our citizens.

For contextual purposes for our out-oftown readers, this was the first Saturday night of the season with temperatures above 70 degrees and our gorgeous riverfront park

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Alex Teach “Constitutional and civil liberties aside, even the literally unenforceable curfew laws were useless: It was only 9:30 p.m. when the fights broke out that led to the shooting.” was filled with people, strollers…and a few more cops than usual since the first tragic shooting there almost exactly a year before.

And exactly like the year before, as the daylight faded, aunts, uncles, moms, dads, and neighbors were dropping off loads of predominantly African-American kids aged 8 to 16 to enjoy said park unsupervised, and after the fights broke out, they weren’t enjoying it unarmed, either.

The kids were in close groups of 10, 20, 30, and mostly on their feet; additional officers, having been to this particular rodeo before, were calling in reinforcements steadily. Some officers were idle while others herded the kids about, but what were they going to do? It’s a city park. Loitering is the essence of a “park”: You go there to literally do nothing, and the kids had as much right to do nothing as the groups of

predominantly European-Americans hosting a drum circle did on the other side of the venue.

Constitutional and civil liberties aside, even the literally unenforceable curfew laws were useless: It was only 9:30 p.m. when the fights broke out that led to the shooting.

Afterwards, business owners described it best: It went from perfectly calm to absolute chaos in just seconds, and kids were so thick in the street it blocked traffic. Fights led to O.C. spray and stampedes, and while officers tried to find aggressors and restore order, shots began ringing out (five, by my count). In my case, what else was I to do but pick a baby in a carriage up from the sidewalk and place it (followed by his mother and two brothers) into a large piece of landscaped stonework for protection, then wait for the dust to settle. (I’d honestly seen this before, unlike the wide-eyed unarmed trainees looking for direction. I just smiled for the same reasons Charles did above.)

No shooters were identified and mercifully no one was hit…but what’s next?

This is a park where you cannot legally carry a firearm, apparently leaving juvenile criminals and cops the only ones allowed to do so. We have no curfew per se, and we have more discussion about cautioning against racial profiling taking place than we do about the actual shooting that occurred, much less what the HELL 8-year-old children are doing being dropped off by alleged “guardians”. And to cap it off, our mayor says this kind of event is the fault of social media “flash mobs”, not gangs, and that video cameras are the answer.

The cameras were already up, and NO ONE is addressing the real problems, folks.

Absentee parents on one end and a complete lack of priorities by the city on the other.

Somebody see the elephant(s) in the middle of the room before one of these kids dies.

When Officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student, carpenter, boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alex.teach

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MUSIC

Feature

Who Will Win the Road to Nightfall?

By Dave Castaneda, Pulse Music Writer

T

his week at Rhythm & Brews, 24 bands will be competing in a span of five nights for a headlining spot at Nightfall in the “McKay’s Road to Nightfall” competition.

This will mark the first time a Chattanooga band gets this spot. Each night, four to six bands compete, and at the end of the evening, voters decide who will move on to earn the right to play at Nightfall. The best thing about this competition is that each admission is only $5 and an extremely affordable night out for those wanting to get a glimpse into the local scene. Here, I’ll highlight some bands from the competition you should check out—and then let you decide which will be the best choices for Nightfall.

March 23: Wet Cadillac. A fairly new band that hit the scene around fall 2010. This six-piece collective fuses together Southern rock and ska music in a catchy blend of melodies guaranteed to get you moving.

Cadillac Saints. Cadillac Saints is a blues band filled with talented musicians that has worked hard this past year.

They bring a really smooth, solid sound and wonderful songwriting that has a hypnotizing effect when watched live.

and are going to be the ones to watch that night. I love the way this band sounds and I cannot help getting chills listening to their recordings.

March 24: Digital Butter. As a promoter in the Chattanooga for a couple years, I’ve had the pleasure of working with most of the bands that are in this competition. I maybe a little bit biased, but Digital Butter brings the heat and I have been hearing nothing but great things about the new band members. Digital Butter is best described as r&b/ soul, fused with grimy/glitchy/dirty electronic beats. Digital Butter brings together some of the smoothest vocals paired with some of the best production I’ve yet to see matched in a soul act.

Prophets and Kings. I highlighted Prophets and Kings last month in my piece about the Native Tongues showcase. Hearing the recordings was one thing but seeing them live completely convinced me that this band is solid. Prophets and King bring so much energy in their sample-based noise rock that you cannot help but yell and scream with lead singer Stratton Tingle’s captivating cheers.

March 30: Machines Are People Too. Machines Are People Too is the kind of band with an excellent stage presence and live performance that instantly demands your attention. I’ve had the pleasure of working with this band and seeing them

“Each night, four to six bands compete, and at the end of the evening, voters decide who will move on to earn the right to play at Nightfall.”

Jettison Never. Jettison Never has been in the scene since 1998 and can be classified as alternative/rock influenced by bands like Kings of Leons, Mute Math and Coldplay. These guys have also worked nonstop in Chattanooga

grow to crazy new levels in the past couple years.

In 2010, they added sax/ keys player Cain Lassister and drummer Ivan Garcia and started touring around the region.

Now they are back from playing SXSW showcases in Austin, TX and are gearing up to record an album. This is one band is worth checking out if you’ve never seen or heard its performances.

March 31: Slim Pickins. If you love bluegrass, you’ll love Slim Pickins. I have seen this band play around town for a good long while, and if there is anything chiller than what this brand brings, then it would be ice-cold. The music they bring to the table is very fun and contagious and will put a smile on anybody’s face.

I did not get the chance to review or see the other bands live but other acts competing are The Danny Sample Trio, Kevin Lane & The Party Crashers, WTM Blues Band, The Darren Johnson Effort, Inferiority Complex, Noise in the Basement, A.J. Valcarecel, Elk Milk, Behold The Brave, The Nim Nims, Raenbow Station, Concerning Lions, Dave Dykes & The Grateful Hearts, Uncle Lightin’, Michelle Young & Pontiac Blue, Strung Like a Horse, and Moon Slew.

McKay’s Road To Nightfall $5 7 p.m.

March 23, 24, 30, 31 Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

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MUSIC

Concert Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

McKay’s Road to Nightfall

Six bands—you choose the winner. $7 7 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com

Thursday

Vinyl Night 6 p.m. Pasha Coffee & Tea, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 475-5482. www.pashacoffeehouse.com McKay’s Road To Nightfall 7 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Shovels and Rope, Megan Jean & The KFB, James Legg 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Jimmy Harris 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Crossfire 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Open Mic Night 8 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081. www.thecamphouse.com

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Mark Porkchop Holder 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt Blues Jam Session with Rick Rushing 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com DJ and Dancing 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Friday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

The Nim Nims, Glowing Bordis 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Unspoken Triumph, Chokeslam 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 756-4786.

Casey Adams 9 p.m. The Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacousticcafe.com

Jason Lyles 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt The Most Important Band in the World 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648-6679.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5005.

Bounty Hunter 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Bat Masterson 9 p.m. Southside Saloon & Bistro, 1301 Chestnut St. (423) 757-4730. southsidesaloonandbistro.com Jam Session 9 p.m. Niko’s 1400 Cowart St. (423) 421-7339. www.nikossouthside.com Jacob Johnson 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Frontiers: A Tribute to Journey with Reckless Adams 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Nathan Farrow Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878.

Moustache Friday with The Nim Nims, Glowing Bordis, plus a special guest

Slap on a stache and be there. $7 8 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Saturday

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Milele Roots 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Foundation Band 8 p.m. Fireside Grill, 3018 Cummings Hwy. (423) 821-9898.

Egyptian Windmill Operators 8 p.m. Barking Legs Theater 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org John Flynn 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse, 105 McBrien Rad. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org

MUSIC

Concert Calendar

SATURDAY

Egyptian Windmill Operators

Avant-weird with Colonel Bruce Hampton, Dennis Palmer and friends. $12 advance, $15 door 8 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 634-5347. www.barkinglegs.org The Regulars 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.myspace.com/jimstriker Hegarty & DeYoung 9 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn). facebook.com/theofficechatt Roger Alan Wade 9 p.m. The Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacousticcafe.com Dr. Lancaster 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 756-4786.

Find them on Facebook.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5005. www.thepalmshamilton.com

WEDNESDAY

DJ 33 and Dancing 9 p.m. Backstage (inside Holiday Bowl), 5518 Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-2695.

Microwave Dave and the Nukes 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Flibberty Gibbett 9 p.m. McHale’s Brewhouse, 724 Ashland Ter. (423) 877-2124. www.mchalesbrewhouse.com Deep Fried 5 with The Delta Saints 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Nathan Farrow Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878.

Sunday

Traditional Irish Music 3 p.m. The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy. (423) 468-4192. facebook.com/thehonestpint Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Monday

Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Big Band Night 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Live DJ – Karaoke 8 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Tuesday

Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Karaoke with DJ Salt 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Wednesday

Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423)634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com McKay’s Road To Nightfall 7 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644.

Jimmy Harris 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Honest Local Music Series: Endelouz, Mean Daddy and The Noise

Support your homegrown talent and beer. $3 9 p.m.

The Honest Pint, 35 Patten Pkwy.

(423) 468-4194. facebook.com/thehonestpint

Fried Chicken Trio 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Nathan Farrow 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Michael Curtis 9 p.m. The Acoustic Cafe, 61 RBC Dr., Ringgold, GA. (706) 965-2065. www.ringgoldacousticcafe.com DJ Spins: Karaoke 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com Got a gig coming up that you want to tell the world about?

Email the particulars to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse. com at least ten days before the event and we'll include in here in our calendar and online absolutely free. www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 24 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 12 | The Pulse

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MUSIC

Ernie Paik's New Music Reviews

Mike Watt

Hyphenated-Man (Clenchedwrench)

“Watt created personal sketches of anxiety and reflection with his own often hilarious vocabulary.”

The painter Hieronymus Bosch is known for his extraordinarily weird, crowded and sometimes nightmarish paintings with bizarre creatures and tortured souls, like those in the “Hell” panel of The Garden of Earthly Delights. Bassist Mike Watt’s latest solo album, Hyphenated-Man, is his third “opera,” and it takes direct inspiration from certain individual characters from various Bosch works, summarizing each figure with just a few hyphenated words, like “Boot-WearingFish-Man” and “Mouse-Headed-Man”; using these tiny details from each large painting, Watt created personal sketches of anxiety and reflection with his own often hilarious vocabulary, riddled with dropped “g”s and favored words like “spielin’” and “hankerin’.” While Watt’s last solo album featured relatively long songs, for Hyphenated-Man, he went the opposite direction, creating short, concise numbers that are reminiscent of songs he played in his legendary band in the early-to-mid ’80s, Minutemen.

“Arrow-Pierced-Egg-Man” kicks off the proceedings, featuring Watt’s immediately recognizable bass-playing style that covers all parts of the fretboard, with a fluid, effortless flexibility; although Watt is the front man, there’s always a good sense of balance on Hyphenated-Man, with interlocked parts and a tight execution.

Fans will recognize the other players, drummer Raul Morales and guitarist Tom Watson, as Watt’s team The Missingmen, and Morales’s drumming is an uncanny match with Watt’s

T.K. Ramamoorthy

Fabulous Notes and Beats of the Indian Carnatic: Jazz (EM)

In 1969, Miles Davis released In a Silent Way, often considered his first fusion album and followed by the even more influential Bitches Brew, fully incorporating electric instruments into the jazz realm. Another jazz fusion album—an under-recognized masterpiece of musical invention—was also released in 1969, but it doesn’t get discussed much on

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bandmate in Minutemen, George Hurley, with incredibly precise, urgent patterns and quick bass-and-snare-drum interplay. Watson alternates between post-punk jabs and melodic lines with a jazz-guitar agility and a touch of distortion, and Watt has an endearing voice, a baritone with a sort of rustic, blue-collar pronunciation and somewhat goofy yet genuinely enthusiastic deliveries of his staccato rhymes. For example, “Stuffed-in-the-Drum-Man” features Watt barking out, “Trapped inside! Nowhere to hide!

Thumped in the bin! Merciless din!” The three of them blaze through 30 songs in 47 minutes, serving up one of Watt’s most satisfying and distinctive projects since his post-Minutemen band fIREHOSE.

this continent; if there is any justice, this recent album reissue will change that. It’s Fabulous Notes and Beats of the Indian Carnatic: Jazz by T.K. Ramamoorthy, the prolific composer of south Indian film scores, which number in the hundreds, mostly with writing partner M.S. Viswanathan.

Fans of exotica may be drawn to the album, with a variety of south Asian percussion and strings, and it sounds like it could be the result of André Popp creating a Bollywood soundtrack, but without playback singers. Careful listeners are kept on their toes and rewarded with slickly performed transitions and turns, while the album avoids veering too far into a Spike Jones-esque comedic herky-jerky manner.

The numbers shape-shift, with some familiar elements and others that are harder to place; ringing piano chords frolic under-

neath mellifluous sax, trumpet and bass clarinet lines, and the percussion section is impressive, lending an animated spirit with tight, quick rolls and driving rhythms.

While the whole album is solid, it ends with two of its strongest numbers; “Kanakangi” features a bed of restless drumming and multiple wind instrument solos, including an unusual two-note solo performed on a conch shell, and “Rasikapriya” brings the album to a delirious conclusion, with a compelling web of sitar melodies and whirling beats.

This isn’t Miles Davis’s rock-jazz fusion, and it isn’t simply a jazz album with some sitar and tabla playing thrown in. It’s a fully-realized work that merges Indian and western instrumentation, using arrangements that constantly leap between styles while staying on track with a cohesive structure.

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ARTS

Feature

Much Ado About Gender

By Janis Hashe, Pulse Contributing Editor

W

omen were banned from the Elizabethan stage, as anyone who’s seen Shakespeare in Love knows. But modern companies doing the Bard’s works often even the score through gender-bending—and that’s the thinking behind the nine gender-bent roles in the upcoming Shakespeare Chattanooga/Dessert Theater coproduction of Much Ado About Nothing.

First, the usual disclaimer: I’m directing this show, so I am giving you the angle from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. When we were casting “Much Ado”, we had many excellent women auditions. But the play as written has only four women’s roles. So a little tweaking ensued: Leanato, father of ingénue Hero, became Leonata, her mother. The evil Don John became Lady Jane, and her head henchman, Conrade, became Constance. Of Dogberry’s hapless crew, Verges, The First Watchman and Seacoal are played by women, as are the Friar, the Sexton and the Messenger.

ing” another man before her impending marriage. As the mothers in the cast can attest, hearing these harsh words spoken by a mother to her daughter has a different impact than if they were spoken by an enraged father. And in the case of Lady Jane, her treatment by her brother the Prince becomes compounded by a society that does not recognize or reward a woman of skill and ingenuity.

On top of all this stand two other, more classic “Much Ado” themes: the love affair between Beatrice and Benedick, two of Shakespeare’s most fully realized lovers, and the general wackiness of Dogberry & Co., characters written for the clowns in Shakespeare’s company. The penultimate scene between B&B is one of Shakespeare’s masterpieces. The Sweet Swan of Avon, for reasons that may be related to his own presumed unhappy marriage (he departed Warwickshire for London, leaving the family behind, somewhere between age 21 and 28), was not a great believer in wedlock. And it comes in for its share of banter, out of the mouths of both the leads. Yet, as usual in the comedies, the couples are due to be hitched at the end—leaving the audience to speculate on how long these unions will last.

As for the clowns…let us just say that some things never change, and that one of the major pieces of direction for them has been, “More whiffle bat.”

One of Shakespeare Chattanooga’s ongoing goals is to make the plays accessible to as many people as possible.

“Much Ado” has been cut to a running time (including intermission) of just over two-and-a-half hours—not short, but doable by most audience’s standards. The Dessert Theater will also be serving a morsel of delectable sustenance during the intermission. Shakespeare— and food. What more canst thou ask?

“In a significant way, this stands the play on its head, because of 20 roles, 13 are now filled by women, reversing the usual equation.”

In a significant way, this stands the play on its head, because of 20 roles, 13 are now filled by women, reversing the usual equation. And in a play that is all about gender roles and how people fulfill them, it’s made for some new thinking.

For example, Leonata has a long speech in which she discards her daughter, Hero, because of (what turns out to be) a false accusation that she has been “receiv-

Much Ado About Nothing Presented by Shakespeare Chattanooga and The Dessert Theater of First Baptist Church $10 ($8 students and seniors) 7:30 p.m. March 25, 26; 2:30 p.m. March 27 Fellowship Hall, First Baptist Church, 401 Gateway Ave. (off 6th St) (423) 265-2257. www.shakespearechattanooga.com

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ARTS

Arts & Events Calendar FRIDAY

THURSDAY

CSO: “Pictures at an Exhibition”

Guest conductor Kayoto Dan; Mussorgsky, Debussy, Ravel. $19 - $79 8 p.m.

Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583

Thursday

Blood-A-Nooga 11 a.m. UTC University Center, 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 756-0966. www.bloodassurance.org Rain Barrel Art Auction 5 p.m. green|spaces, 63 E Main St. www.northchick.org The Hunter Invitational II: Regional Artist Panel 5:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Senior Recital 6 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8000. www.leeuniversity.edu/theatre Jazz Musician Amir Gwirtzman 7 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. www.jewishchattanooga.com Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

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Ride the Divide bike documentary 7 p.m. The Rave, 5080 South Terrace, East Ridge.

(423) 855-9652. www.IMAthlete.com Meacham Writers’ Conference 7 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 365-5010. www.meachamwriters.org Jazz Ensemble Concert 7:30 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8000. www.leeuniversity.edu/theatre Hunter Mash Up 7:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 266-0944.

CSO Masterworks: Pictures at an Exhibition 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. www.chattanooga.gov Nathan Timmel 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

Friday

Meacham Writers’ Conference Noon. UTC University Center, 855 E 5th St. (423) 425-4126. www.meachamwriters.org Senior Recital 6 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8000.

Film Festival 7 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8406.

Friendlings: A Mockumentary About Social Networking 7:30, 10 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4269.

Little Women 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3383.

Much Ado About Nothing 7:30 p.m. First Baptist Church, Fellowship Hall, 401 Gateway Ave. (423) 265-2257.

Nathan Timmel 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Guest Artist Recital 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music CSO Masterworks: Pictures at an Exhibition 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5050. www.chattanooga.gov Hunter Underground 2011: Smash and Grab 8 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 266-0944.

Senior Recital 8 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8000.

Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com

Much Ado About Nothing

Shakespeare Chattanooga and the Dessert Theater co-production. $10 7:30 p.m.

Firs Baptist Church, 401 Gateway Ave. (at 6th St.) (423) 265-2257. shakespearechattanooga.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Saturday

Interfaith Homeless Network 5K Run/Walk 8 a.m. Riverwalk, Shelter #3, Amnicola Hwy. (423) 756-3891. www.ihnchattanooga.org Open House 10 a.m. Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

Chattanooga River Market 10 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (423) 648-2496. www.chattanoogamarket.com Family Canoe Trip 1:30 p.m. Greenway Farms, 5051 Gann Store Rd. www.tnaqua.org Arts Live: Theatre Games 2 p.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.org

ARTS

Arts & Events Calendar

SATURDAY

Friendlings: A Mockumentary About Social Networking

Original compilation based on people’s real experiences. $12 7:30 and 10 p.m.

Studio Theatre, UTC Fine Arts Center, Vine & Palmetto Sts. (423) 425-4269.

Meacham Writers’ Conference 3 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. www.meachamwriters.org Friendlings: A Mockumentary About Social Networking 7:30, 10 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4269.

Little Women 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3383.

Much Ado About Nothing 7:30 p.m. First Baptist Church, Fellowship Hall, 401 Gateway Ave. (423) 265-2257.

Graduate Recital 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music Nathan Timmel 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

SUNDAY

Saturday Night Movie with Ms. Kitty 8 p.m. Baylor School Student Center, 171 Baylor School Rd. (423) 267-8505.

Chattanooga Ghost Tour 8:15 p.m. Walnut Street Bridge, 1 Walnut St. (423) 821-7125. www.chattanoogaghosttours.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com

Sunday

Wet Paint Sale 11 a.m. Reflections Gallery, 5600 Brainerd Rd. (423) 892-3072. www.reflectionsgallerytn.com 16th Annual Strides of March Noon. Renaissance Park, Northshore. www.chattanoogacares.org Poet Amir Or 2 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. www.jewishchattanooga.com Little Women 2:30 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3383.

Much Ado About Nothing 2:30 p.m. First Baptist Church, Fellowship Hall, 401 Gateway Ave. (423) 265-2257.

Studio Recital 3 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.utc.edu/music

Senior Recital 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Cadek Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601.

Nathan Timmel 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

Monday

Author Deborah Wiles 6:30 p.m. Downtown Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310. www.lib.chattanooga.gov Honors Recital 7:30 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8000. www.leeuniversity.edu/theatre

Tuesday

Barney’s Birthday Bash 3 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156. www.chattanooga.gov ArtWorks-Art with Heart 5 p.m. Chattanooga Convention Center, 1150 Carter St. www.siskin.org Barney’s Birthday Bash 6:30 p.m. Memorial Auditorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5156.

Songwriter’s Line-up 7 p.m. The CampHouse, 1427 Williams St. (423) 702-8081.

Jazz Band Concert 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3383.

Choral Arts Concert: German Romantic Composers

Brahms, Mendelssohn and more. $15 3 p.m.

St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 598-3274. choralartsofchattanooga.org

Presidential Concert 7:30 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8000. www.leeuniversity.edu/theatre

Wednesday

“Journey” 10 a.m. River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Elective Recital 6 p.m. Lee University, 1120 N Ocoee St., Cleveland, TN. (423) 614-8000. www.leeuniversity.edu/theatre Chamber Music 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 697-3383.

Student Ensemble Concert 7:30 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center Roland Hayes Hall, 725 Vine St. (423) 425-4601. www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 24 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 12 | The Pulse

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OPINION

Life In The ‘Noog

You Want Fries With That?

I

just had a hamburger for lunch.

In fact, I’d be willing to bet that 87.933 percent of you reading this right now did too. It’s as American as apple pie, which by the way goes great for dessert.

But, like most things we THINK are American, the hamburger is of course, not. Just like another patriotic palate pasttime the hot dog, the hamburger has its origins in Germany. Named for its uppity European cousin the frankfurter, our more unrefined “hot dog” was in fact invented in Frankfurt. That said, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that the hamburger was concocted in—you guessed it—Hamburg (about 150 years before the Beatles all contracted STDs there).

Back then it was called a “Hamburg Steak” sandwich.

And, like most delicacies we know and love, it came over from the motherland on one of the many boatloads of early immigrants, and appeared on its first American restaurant menu in New York in 1826.

Nowadays, we Americans consume more of these tasty treats in a single day than there are people living in all of Germany. It’s a U.S. staple so popular that you rarely ever see a restaurant featuring hamburgers close its doors. You can’t screw it up—meat, bun, and condiments. And no matter how badly it’s prepared we don’t seem to care— because it’s just a hamburger. And we’ve been conditioned to love them since birth.

One of the biggest burger tycoons in the world got it right when it presented us—at an early age—with a clown donned in red and yellow (two of our psyche’s most appetizing colors) who pushed our hunger buttons with a combination of kid’s cuisine appropriately named a “Happy Meal.” And if its ketchup-laden burger stuffs, salty fries and

sweet carbonated sugar nectar didn’t convert us right away— there was even a toy inside to seal the deal.

“Mickey-D’s” even taught us that if mommy and daddy were unable or unwilling to purchase our tempting treats we could always lead the life of the Hamburgler, which ironically many of its still-faithful patrons did later in life. Beg, borrow, steal or “gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today,” we can’t get enough of ground beef and bun.

It even inspired probably one of the most celebrated, but God awful, songwriters of all time to proudly proclaim his penchant for devouring “cheeseburgers in paradise.” Seems after Jimmy blew out his flip flop and stepped on a pop top, he stumbled over to some beach bar to order one just the way he likes it, “with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57 and French fried potatoes” —and don’t forget the “big kosher pickle” and another “cold draft beer” cause “good God almighty” where else would he steer? Poetry.

I doubt that Jimmy Buffet or any of his faithful, intoxicated followers know where the hamburger came from or why we even call it that. I mean, there’s no “ham” on it. But alas, some gourmet burger joints are not only adding other meats atop simple ground beef, but also many more tasty condiments. And this brings us to the place where I enjoyed the cheeseburger I devoured in paradise today.

There’s a new “burger lounge” in the ‘noog serving up some of the craziest, but tastiest combinations of ingredients ever to top our old favorite. Some not only feature ham, but other salted cured meats sandwiched with quality Grade-A beef and held together with the binding

Chuck Crowder

qualities of melted cheese. Most have different sauces to make them taste better than just a hamburger. But guess what? It’s still just a hamburger, but better than most nonetheless.

I really like what Urban Stack has going on with its gourmet burgers. It’s different, and pretty damn good. But I also enjoy the qualities that various seasonings and some old seasoned grease can do to a simple ground beef patty.

I don’t know how those old-school establishments that dot the ‘noog do it, and maybe that’s best left unexplored for health code reasons. However, sometimes I can’t resist their tempting call whether or not I’ve blown out a flip flop or just had too much Margaritaville.

“I doubt that Jimmy Buffet or any of his faithful, intoxicated followers know where the hamburger came from or why we even call it that.”

The best thing about a hamburger is that any yahoo can prepare one. Charcoal or gas, thick or thin patty, Dale’s seasoning or just salt and pepper, Kaiser bun or Colonel special, nothing can make a hamburger seem bad. Every dad in America has sported an apron and spatula at one time or another and displayed his culinary skills on the back porch just to impress the kids and neighbors and give mom a break (although she’s still the one inside doing everything BUT the glorified grilling that always gets the props in the end). So now that the temps are tepid, fire up the grill and cook some cow. Despite our new German neighbors, it’s the American thing to do.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website at www.thenoog.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 24 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 12 | The Pulse

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SCREEN

Film Feature

Not-So-Intelligent Alien Life Forms

By Phillip Johnston, Pulse Film Critic

P

aul is the latest collaboration between the lovable tag team of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, the two Britons who so graciously gave us those classics Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, films that dredged the well of satire dried up by Scary Movie 1-22 and brought up something genuinely hilarious. Pegg and Frost’s longtime collaborator Edgar Wright directed those two films and with Paul, they have traded him for Greg Mottola, the director of Superbad. Two very British wits in the hands of a successful American comedy director equaling something for everyone is, I assume, their formula for this sci-fi comedy.

Paul begins with a direct homage to Close Encounters of the Third Kind, that great progenitor of all modern alien flicks.

We’re in a farmhouse in Moorecroft, Wyoming. A loud grandfather clock clicks back and forth on the wall and the fields open out from the window to a vast expanse. The house dog is rustled from his sleep by strange noises.

ternational trek to the sci-fi mecca of the world—San Francisco’s Comic-Con festival. They’ve got big post-festival plans, too: they’re renting a Traveler Beagle RV so they can hit all the best UFO sightings in the southwest.

While gunning down the highway they encounter a car crash. They find an alien.

His name is Paul. He looks like all the alien illustrations they’ve ever seen. He can heal things like ET; he can tell fart jokes like Seth Rogen who (wonder of wonders) provides the character’s voice.

He insists on tagging along with them for the duration of the journey because he, of course, has somewhere to be. The US government is after his brain.

He won’t let them have it. He wants to get home.

They chug down the road, stopping for a night at the Pearly Gates RV Park. The trio turns into a quartet as the one-eyed daughter of a Bible-toting, shotgun-wielding religious fanatic hops aboard. Paul opens the girl’s eyes to the wonders of higher intelligence—mainly the theory of evolution and words like “cocksucker” and “dick milk.”

Paul Trailed by three bumbling governDirected by Greg Mottola ment fools, the RV rolls ever so Starring Simon Pegg, Nick Frost surely back to Wyoming where the Rated R Running time: 1 hour, 40 minutes plot begins to wind together piece by predictable piece. There’s mari-

“Paul is a $40,000,000 journey back off the beaten path of classic homage.”

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“What is it, Paul?” a little girl asks before letting the dog outside. He runs out to the field and something inexplicable happens—bright lights, zapping noises, a loud crash—as the film cuts to the opening credits. A slam-bang opening, even if it is utterly inconsequential. If you have to start Paul somewhere, it’s as good a place as any.

The focus of Paul is not a dog abducted by aliens in Wyoming but two British nerds, Graeme Willy and Clive Gollings (Pegg and Frost), who have made an inThe Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 12 | March 24, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

juana, too.

Pegg and Frost are funny blokes and there are a few undeniably clever bits in the screenplay they have co-written, including a vocal cameo from Steven Spielberg and an appearance by Jeffrey Tambor, who must have signed a contract somewhere along the line saying that he must appear in every Hollywood comedy for the next ten years. Personally, I don’t mind.

Still, serious sci-fi fans will spend many minutes hoping that Paul will do for E.T. and Star Wars what Hot Fuzz did for Die Hard, and Shaun of the Dead did for the whole George A. Romero canon. All the little verbal references to classic sci-fi films are cause for anticipation of intelligent life, but it all leads to jokes about “furry good” sex with Ewoks, hot aliens with three tits and the possibility that Graeme and Clive might be gay.

Paul is a $40,000,000 journey back off the beaten path of classic homage— the path once trod by Mel Brooks in his best films, the path that made the infinitely underrated Mr. Bean’s Holiday such a fitting tribute to Jacques Tati and, more importantly, the path followed so hilariously well by these two British buffoons in Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.

If only Paul had ditched the cameos by Sigourney Weaver and Blythe Danner and given the film a better director who could mine wit from this childish script.

We’d all be better off.

SCREEN

New In Theaters

Zack Snyder Goes From 300 to Alternate Reality Sucker Punch

A young girl is institutionalized by her wicked stepfather.

Retreating to an alternative reality as a coping strategy, she envisions a plan which will help her escape from the facility. Director Zack Snyder burst upon the scene five years ago with the groundbreaking 300 and then followed up with Watchman and the amusing animated fantasy adventure Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole.

Here he returns to more adult themes with this take on an abused woman who creates an alternate reality filled with epic adventure and moral challenges. Though the film was originally set to star Amanda Seyfried, Emma Stone, and Evan Rachel Wood, advance audiences have responded well to the slightly second-tier casting. Which is not surprising, since Snyder has proved that his films are based much more on the characters portrayed than on the actors who portray them, something a lot of similar actionadventure type films have failed to do (yes, we’re looking at you, Nicolas Cage).

Starring Emily Browning, Vanessa Hudgens, Abbie Cornish Directed by Zack Snyder

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

Back in middle school after summer vacation, Greg Heffley works hard to keep his secret safe, though his older brother Rodrick knows all about what happened—and is eager to spill the beans. Many adults, at least those without school-age children, may be completely unaware of the “Wimpy Kid” phenomenon, but those that are fans of author Jenny Kinney’s delightful series of books about a realistically slacker 10 year old will welcome the return to the big screen of their favorite hero. The first film, last year’s Diary of a Wimpy Kid, was a surprise box-office success, which led Twentieth Century Fox to quickly greenlight and put into production this pleasing sequel. And in between the two movies, Kinney came out with a fifth book, so if this film is even as close to successful as the first, Hollywood may have a new children’s film franchise on its hands, something it has been looking for as the “Harry Potter” films come to an end and the Chronicles of Narnia movies have fallen flat at the box office.

Starring Zachary Gordon, Devon Bostick, Robert Capron Directed by David Bowers

Miral

In this limited release feature, a Palestinian girl is brought to the Dar Al-Tifl orphanage in the wake of Arab-Israeli war, where she forms a bond with Hind Husseini, founder of the orphanage. Finding herself drawn into the conflict as she matures, a connection with an Israeli socialist opens a door to a different life. This film shows the importance of the festival circuit, as director Julian Schnabel went back into the editing room after less-than-complimentary showings in Venice and Toronto. The result has yet to be seen, as he had held back his changes from the original cut, though several web sites within the independent film world say his re-editing has resulted in a change of focus from the acting of Freida Pinto, which had been singled out negatively by many festival reviewers. Even so, there has been a lot of anticipation for the film based on the politically charged subject matter, as well as the popularity of Rula Jebreal’s original story. Whether the new version lives up to the source material remains to be seen.

Starring Freida Pinto, Hiam Abbass, Willem Dafoe Directed by Julian Schnabel

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 24 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 12 | The Pulse

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FOOD

Dining Out

seventeen ninety Elevates Southern Cuisine

By D.E.Langley, Pulse Food Reviewer

F

olks hip to the dining scene in Chattanooga are surely familiar with the work of Rick and Nancy Adams. They’ve been operating Southern Star since 2000, offering fresh takes on Southern classics, with locations downtown and on Signal Mountain.

Recently, they decided to offer another, different take on regional fare, opening seventeen ninety at 1238 Taft Highway. The name references the elevation of Signal Mountain, and could also be viewed as a nod to the heights to which they take Southern food.

Those familiar with their other establishments might be surprised at what the Adams have on offer at seventeen ninety. “The food here speaks for itself. It’s more upscale, a little less casual,” Rick told me. “We’re using Southern ingredients, but a more modern take on using them, and there are other influences, as well.” The creativity displayed on the menu when I visited certainly supported that assertion.

Appetizers included a Tuscan white bean soup and crisply fried calamari served with a Thai dipping sauce. Entrees included a variety of proteins given the star treatment and the supporting actors they deserved— s e a r e d chicken served with a lemon thyme pan sauce, accompanied by succotash and tobacco onions; red grouper crusted with horseradish, alongside garlic mashed potatoes and grilled asparagus; and a grilled pork tenderloin with a mustard sauce, supplemented with turnip greens and bourbon sweet potatoes.

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I had a grilled 12-ounce ribeye with a huge portion of Gouda macaroni and cheese. (It turns out the portions were characteristic—I was told that customers frequently take leftovers home.) The steak was perfectly flavorful, cooked to an ideal mediumrare, and exactly what I was looking for. The mac and cheese was topped with a crisp mixture of breadcrumbs, ranging up to nearly the size of croutons, their buttery flavor combining with the rich cheese for a delicious result. I wouldn’t normally think of having macaroni and cheese with a steak, but the smokiness of the beef and its piquant crust was amazing in conjunction with the Gouda.

This is wellthought-out, well-prepared food.

The dinner menu changes several times a week, so you’ll just have to visit to see what’s being offered on a given evening. I’ve always loved establishments that do this—it not only speaks to the freshness of the ingredients being used, it also shows the thought and effort being put forth by the staff. One thing you are assured of finding is great technique. The best

The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 12 | March 24, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

techniques showcase ingredients, enhancing flavors and, if you’re lucky, providing unexpected insights. That’s exactly what seventeen ninety offers.

Lunches offer a somewhat different experience, one a bit more familiar to those accustomed to Southern Star, while retaining the flavor of a quiet, sublime evening out.

The Charleston salad (mixed greens with chopped fried chicken, bleu cheese, red onion, tomato and pecans) makes the cut, as does a half-pound cheeseburger. A blue plate special is on offer, but all dishes are presented with a full service experience. The menu also includes daily options for quiche, soup, and fish.

An evolving wine list is taking shape, featuring selections such as a 2008 Lange Chardonnay and a Decero Malbec ’09. A selection of domestic and craft beers is also on offer. While seventeen ninety is certainly not a bar, it would be a great place to grab a drink or two on your way home, not to mention have a well-paired selection with a delicious dinner.

Providing excellent food and a refined atmosphere without being stuffy or overly formal, seventeen ninety is a great spot for a date or any other occasion when you want to enjoy your company as much as your meal.

Unique in its approach to fine dining, there’s nothing quite like it on Signal Mountain— and it’s well worth the drive from downtown and beyond. seventeen ninety, 1238 Taft Hwy, Signal Mountain. Open Tuesday through Saturday, 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. and 5 p.m. to 9 p.m. Call (423) 475-6813 for more information.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 24 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 12 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 12 | March 24, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

WINE & SPIRITS

Riley's Spirits Within

Meet the Seven Daughters

By Joshua Hurley, Riley's Wine & Spirits

L

et’s spring forward with another “Great Buy” from your friends at Riley’s, Chattanooga’s finest wine and spirits superstore on Hixson Pike in Hixson. Every week, new wine and spirit products are released into the market. Most of these newbies are simple rehashes of already popular products, while others actually qualify as true originals.

In this week’s case, I discovered the latter—the rock-your-socks-off white-wine blend from California called 7 Daughters. To even begin to understand the 7 Daughters together as a wine you first must get to know each daughter personally.

Then, and only then, can you begin to grasp the unique complexity and quality this wine has to offer.

The first daughter’s name is Chardonnay. She is the world’s most popular white wine grape, found wherever wine grapes are cultivated. Her taste characteristics vary, but most possess flavors of apple, lemon, melon and pineapple. She is thought to have originated from France’s Burgundy region.

Daughter number two is French Colombard. She’s also grown all over California in vast amounts and produces a spicy, crisp flavor. French colombard is very social as she mixes well. Her place of origin is, of course, France, where she is used for some of the finest cognacs.

Our third daughter is Symphony, and she’s a bit controversial as she was created in a lab at the University of California in 1981. Symphony is not widely grown. She has flavors of peaches and apricots and claims pinot gris and muscat grapes as her mommy and daddy.

The fourth daughter, Muscat, is the oldest white wine grape known to man, even predating the Roman Empire. She’s known as a table grape and even a raisin, too. To know her is to never forget her perfume and light, sweet taste.

Daughter five is Riesling and this 2,000-year-old German fraulein is a force to be reckoned with as she’s

Europe’s most revered wine grape.

She retains her crisp flavor while maintaining a high sugar level, giving her complexity and delicacy all at the same time.

Our sixth daughter is a real jet setter, as she’s found all over the world. You may already know her— the name is Sauvignon Blanc and she’s at home in California, Australia, France, New Zealand, Chile and Argentina. Her earthy flavors can be described as grassy and herbaceous.

The seventh and final daughter is Gewurztraminer. She’s a real beauty as well and originally comes from Italy but doesn’t live there anymore.

She spends all her time in either France or California. Her flavors are mostly the sweeter spices such as nutmeg and cloves.

As we have learned, each daughter has her own personality and can easily make it on her own. But when these ladies are brought together, each girl’s unique character reacts with the others, creating a true oneof-a-kind wine experience.

7 Daughters White Wine Blend contains aromas of orange, melon, tangerine, apricot, and lychee, which turn into flavors of the same on the palate in tandem.

Try 7 Daughters today. It is available at Riley’s for $13.99 plus tax. www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 24 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 12 | The Pulse

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ENTERTAINMENT

Free Will Astrology

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Were you under the impression that the sky is completely mapped? It’s not. Advances in technology are unveiling a nonstop flow of new mysteries. In a recent lecture, astronomer Joshua Bloom of the University of California described the explosion of wonder.

One particular telescope, for example, detects 1.5 million transient phenomena every night, and an average of 10 of those turn out to be previously undiscovered. Reporting on Bloom’s work, Space.com compared astronomers’ task to “finding a few needles in a giant haystack night after night.” I see this challenge as resembling your imminent future, Aries. Mixed in with all the chatter and hubbub, there are some scattered gems out there—rich revelations and zesty potentials. Will you have the patience to pinpoint them?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If you’re thinking of calling on a ghost to provide you with information, make sure you know how to banish it when you’re finished milking it. If you’re considering a trek into the past to seek some consolation or inspiration, drop breadcrumbs as you go so you can find your way back to the present when it’s time to return. Catch my drift, Taurus? It’s fine to draw on the old days and the old ways, but don’t get lost or stuck there.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): From an astrological point of view, it’s a favorable time for people to give you gifts and perks and blessings. You have my permission to convey that message to your friends and associates. Let them know it’s in their interest to be generous toward you. The truth, as I see it, is that they will attract rewards for themselves, some unexpected, if they help you. So what’s your role in this dynamic? Be modest. Be grateful. Be gracious.

At the same time, rake it all in with supreme confidence that you deserve such an outpouring.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Nobel Prizes are awarded to geniuses in a variety of fields for work they’ve done to elevate science and culture. But have you heard of Ig Nobel Prizes? The Annals of Improbable Research hands them out to eccentrics whose work it deems useless but amusing. For instance, one recipient was honored for investigating how impotency drugs help hamsters recover quickly from jet lag. Another award went to engineers who developed a remote-control helicopter to collect whale snot. In 2000, physicist Andre Geim won an Ig Nobel Prize for using magnetism to levitate a frog. Unlike all of his fellow honorees, however, Geim later won a Nobel Prize for his research on a remarkable substance called graphene (tinyurl.com/NobelGraphene). I think you’ll soon have a resemblance to him, Cancerian. Some of your efforts will be odd and others spectacular; some will be dismissed or derided and others will be loved and lauded.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): If you have ever fantasized about setting up a booth at the foot of an active volcano and creating balloon animals for tourists’ kids, now is an excellent time to get started on making that happen. Same is true if you’ve ever thought you’d like to be a rodeo clown in Brazil or a stand-up comedian at a gambling casino or a mentor who teaches card tricks and stage magic to juvenile delinquents. The astrological omens suggest that playfulness and risk-taking would synergize well right now. There’s even a chance that if you found a way to blend them, it would lead to financial gain.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You’ve arrived at a phase in your cycle when you’ll have the opportunity to scope out new competitors, inspirational rivals, and allies who challenge you to grow. Choose wisely! Keep in mind that you will be giving them a lot of power to shape you; they will be conditioning your thoughts about yourself and about the goals you regard as worthy of your passions. If you pick people of low character or weak values, they’ll bring you down. If you opt for hard workers with high ideals, they’ll raise you up.

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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “There’s no key to the universe,” writes Swami Beyondananda. But that shouldn’t lead us to existential despair or hopeless apathy, adds the Swami. “Fortunately, the universe has been left unlocked,” he concludes. In other words, Libra, there’s no need for a key to the universe! I offer you this good news because there’s a similar principle at work in your life. You’ve been banging on a certain door, imagining that you’re shut out from what’s inside. But the fact is that the door is unlocked and nothing is stopping you from letting yourself in.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): When you travel to Mozambique, the Ministry of Fish and Wildlife gives you a warning about the frequency of human encounters with lions out in nature. “Wear little noisy bells so as to give advanced warning to any lions that might be close by so you don’t take them by surprise,” reads the notice you’re handed. I’m certain, Scorpio, that no matter where you are in the coming week—whether it’s Mozambique or elsewhere -- you won’t have to tangle with beasts as long as you observe similar precautions. So please take measures to avoid startling goblins, rascals, and rogues. If you visit a dragon’s domain, keep your spirit light and jingly.

If you use a shortcut that requires you to pass through the wasteland, sing your favorite nonsense songs as you hippity-hop along.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Few things make me more excited than being able to predict good tidings headed your way. That’s why, as I meditated on your upcoming astrological aspects, I found myself teetering on the edge of ecstasy. Here’s what I foresee: a renaissance of pleasure…an outbreak of feeling really fine, both physically and emotionally…and an awakening of your deeper capacity to experience joy. Here’s your mantra for the week, generated by my friend Rana Satori Stewart: yum yum yum yum yum / yum yum yum yum yummy yum / yum yum yum yum yummy yummy yum yum.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): CNN reported on two neo-Nazi skinheads from Poland, a married couple, who discovered they were actually Jews. It turned out that during World War II, the truth about their origins had been hidden by their parents for fear of persecution. Years later, when the Jewish Historical Institute in Warsaw informed them that they were members of the group they had hated for so long, they were shocked. Since then, they have become observant Jews who worship at an orthodox synagogue. The new perspective you’ll be getting about your own roots may not be as dramatic as theirs, Capricorn. But I bet it will lead to a shift in your self-image. Are you ready to revise your history? (More info: tinyurl.com/ Ex-skinheads.)

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): My astrological colleague Antero Alli says that a lot of good ideas occur to him while he’s taking a shower. He also finds frequent inspiration while riding his bike. Why, then, does he not enjoy biking in the rain? He doesn’t know. I bring this up, Aquarius, because you’re entering a phase of your cycle when flashes of insight and intuition are likely to erupt at a higher rate than usual. I suggest you aggressively put yourself in every kind of situation that tends to provoke such eruptions— including ones, like maybe riding your bike in the rain, that you haven’t tried before.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A Canadian man named William Treble once found over a thousand four-leaf clovers in a single day. Niamh Bond, a British baby, was born on the tenth day of the tenth month of 2010—at exactly 10:10 a.m. and 10 seconds. My friend Allan told me he was driving in suburbia the other day when two white cats bolted across the road right in front of him. And yet as lucky as all that might sound, it pales in comparison to the good fortune that’s headed your way, Pisces. Unlike their luck, which was flashy but ultimately meaningless, yours will be down-to-earth and have practical value.

ENTERTAINMENT

Jonesin' Crossword Across 1 Company behind FarmVille and CityVille 6 Perrins’ steak sauce partner 9 It may get passed in secret 14 Tennis star Chris 15 Clip-___ (tie types) 16 Magazine edition 17 Follow through on a promise 20 Leaky tire sound 21 Gave a rat’s ass 22 Super Mario World console, for short 23 Isolates 25 Sudden increase in wind 29 Dig one’s claws into 34 Be a positive, on balance 38 Went out with 39 “Ruh-___!” (ScoobyDoo line) 40 “Beavis and ButtHead” spinoff

41 Gave the thumbs-up to 42 Portions (out) 44 Schooner filler 45 Debussy’s “La ___” 46 Hands-free phone feature 48 Medvedev’s country: abbr.

49 Breakfast cereal brand 51 Doing the nasty 55 Split-second look 56 Cream in the hair care aisle 58 Like some pantyhose 59 Swiss cheese 60 Baby docs 61 “It Was Written” rapper 62 180 degrees from NNE 63 Highest point Down 1 Letters in a British puzzle?

2 Cosmetician Rocher

3 Wilco guitarist Cline 4 Gray, in Grenoble 5 Off-road rambler 6 Ecological Seuss character, with “The” 7 ___ nous 8 Phoenixes rise from them 9 Lively dance 10 Bears, in Bolivia 11 “Help ___ the way!”

12 Like some art class models 13 Dick Tracy’s girl 18 Bad bacteria 19 She was told to “stifle”

by Archie 23 Ran in the laundry 24 Have to have 25 Not Gomorrah 26 Reason for 2011 relief efforts 27 Speak 28 Filled with wonder 30 Simple rhyme scheme 31 Harder to find

32 Fond farewell 33 Russian rulers, once 35 What some are destined for 36 “A Buddhist walks up to a ___ stand and says, ‘Make me one with everything’” 37 Blue man group?

42 Singer Etheridge 43 Folk singer Pete and his poet uncle Alan, for two 46 Go on 47 Candle-making material 49 MDXXV doubled 50 Actor Neeson 51 Amorphous horror movie villain, with “The” 52 Mid-road turnarounds 53 Final, for instance 54 22-across rival, once 55 Ronny & the Daytonas hit 57 Oscar winner Harrison

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2011 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0512.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 24 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 12 | The Pulse

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OPINION

Ask A Mexican

Who’s The Real Mexican Here?

Dear Mexican, I often pick up the Albuquerque Alibi to read your babosadas. Now, let me get this straight: you appear to be a bright guy who claims to have the Mexican people all figured out, right? To you, we are all 5-6’ mediumcomplexion and we all pray to Moctezuma to come save us in Atzlan? Now, this might describe a lot of Mexicans you know, but it doesn’t do justice to millions of castizos in Mexico and the U.S. that you seem to despise. See, mi familia were hacenderos from Chihuahua before all the chaparritos from the south invaded our state and started pinche selling drugs.

My family and many tall, brown-, green- and blue-eyed chihuahuenses and duranguenses can trace our roots back to when Spanish families emigrated from Spain became hacenderos and practice things like ranching, farming, mining, and good ole’ vaquerismo (cowboying)—things, by the way, gabachos stole from our beloved states in Tejas and Nuevo Mejico and claimed to be their own. I also despise historical idiots like Pancho Villa and Emiliano Zapata (his men hung my great-grandfather in front of his family, only because he had the smarts to have his own business and create jobs for their communities).

I despise the fact that Mexican and Mexican-Americans youth (same shit to a gabacho) in California and other states have to hang on to this bullshit mythical origin of Azteca. I don’t recall the last Mexican that I met that speaks pinche Nahuatl. We speak Spanish, we practice charreadas, we celebrate Día de Los Muertos, we give our little girls a quinceañera, and we are the closest thing to Old Spain this side of the pond

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The Pulse | Volume 8, Issue 12 | March 24, 2011 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Hispanic—Governor Susana Martinez, is that you?

Gustavo Arellano “We are the closest thing to Old Spain this side of the pond that I’m aware of. We are an extension of Spain and their traditions.” that I’m aware of. We are an extension of Spain and their traditions. The day we stop acting like a bunch of stupid payasos with our screwed-up gangster mentality and start cowboying up as our true ancestry dictates and find a new appreciation for our Spanish ancestry is the day Mexicans will advance as a society.

I’m sick of stupid gabachos (a lost society of their own) thinking they know what a Mexican is or isn’t. We are as diverse as they come and sorry, Mr. Whiteman: we aren’t all 5-6’ and brown.

— Viva la Raza (A Term Not of Azteca Origin but of Spanish Origin—Reference the Black Legend) Dear Vendida, Self-loathing, ahistorical, proudly

Dear Mexican, I’m a chulita Mexicana cátolica, and there is something that I have thought about all my vida: Why is it that Mexicans go to church on Ash Wednesday, then the next day they show up at school or at work with the ashes still on their foreheads? Is it because they want to show off how pious they are, or is it porque no se bañan? Just a side note: when I was a kid this man in my neighborhood had a black discoloring of his skin—a birth mark—right there where the ashes should go. At first, I thought he was overdoing the Ash Wednesday thing, but no: he was legit.

So we nicknamed him “Ash Wednesday.”

— Chulita Mexicana Cátolica Dear Cutie, For Lent, I say you give up bullying.

For the ashes, consult Genesis 3:19.

GOOD MEXICAN OF THE WEEK! The National Association for Chicana and Chicano Studies is exactly what it sounds like and is at the forefront of defending our universities and public schools from whitewashing Know Nothings who don’t like honest histories infiltrating the American story. They’re holding their annual conference next week, so a shout-out to them in the discipline’s time of need. Learn more at www.naccs.org Have a question? Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at www.youtube.com/askamexicano!

www.chattanoogapulse.com | March 24 2011 | Volume 8, Issue 12 | The Pulse

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