The Pulse - Vol. 7, Issue 51

FREE • News, Views, Music, Film, Arts & Entertainment • December 23, 2010 • Volume 7, Issue 51 • www.chattanoogapulse.com

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor / Art Director Gary Poole Director of Sales Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Michelle Pih, Townes Webb Calendar Editors Bryanna Burns, Reginald Owens Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder, Michael Crumb Joshua Hurley, Phillip Johnston Matt Jones, Ernie Paik Gary Poole, Alex Teach Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Editorial Interns Blake Hampton, Reginald Owens Contact Info: Phone (423) 265-9494 Fax (423) 266-2335 Email Inquiries info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue.

The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 300 words in length.

The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on culture, the arts, entertainment and local news.

23 2010

cover story

Contents

e OF t we x ne

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

AL 10 G se NU P HIN Pul AN TO YT he E R T TH VE k in E

DECEMBER

12 JOE AND THE BABY: A CHRISTMAS SHIFT CHANGE

By Alex Teach I eased down Rossville Boulevard a few miles below the speed limit, slumped toward the door with one hand on the wheel, eyes squinting in the fading light of the afternoon. I was going through the motions, but my mind was completely off the job; it was too cold to “police”.

news & views

feature stories 24 UNSINKABLE ART AT THE AIM CENTER

By Janis Hashe This sink-that-is-also-a sculpture came about because Frances McDonald, who founded Mark Making, is also involved at the AIM Center.

30 WE COULD ALL USE A DRINK

By Chuck Crowder Americans at the time thought that our inebriated minds needed to sober up so that we could “make something (more) of ourselves.” What it actually achieved was a lot worse than getting hammered on a Friday night.

32 PORTMAN SPREADS HER WINGS IN BLACK SWAN

By Phillip Johnston Darren Aronofsky knows how to craft a tragedy. In a relatively short career, he has demythologized illegal drugs, told a tragic love story across time and space, and given us the pure Aristotelian tragedy of Randy the Ram, a wrestler with a soft heart and a failing body.

5 6 10 30 38

PULSE BEATS BEYOND THE HEADLINES INSIDE POLITICS LIFE IN THE NOOG ASK A MEXICAN

everything else 4 4 9 9 19 20 25 33 34 36 37

EDITOON LETTERS TO THE EDITOR POLICE BLOTTER THE LIST NEW MUSIC REVIEWS MUSIC CALENDAR A&E CALENDAR NEW IN THEATERS SPIRITS WITHIN FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD

www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 23, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | The Pulse

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Letters to the Editor

Homeless In Chattanooga It is refreshing to read an article that actually humanizes the people that most try to just look past and pretend don’t exist. Everybody who reads this article should realize that they could very well end up in the same type of situation at any given moment as I am sure these people didn’t set out on their life’s journey in search of homelessness. I found the opening quote quite alarming to say the least. If Mayor Littlefield can’t think of a better way to show support for homeless families and individuals than to make a donation and to walk with other Chattanoogans in the Grateful Gobbler then I fear the homeless families and individuals face a heartbreaking and dismal future. There is so much more that can and should be done for these people.

I too am curious about the nine acres that were purchased and are not being put to use. I pray that Littlefield will make good use of that area and help these people improve their life situation.

Jackie Hampton

Last week I heard that already there were at least 70 families who will be spending Christmas Day at the Community Kitchen. That makes me believe more community conversation is needed, not just on those struggling, but also on those who are in the privileged position to affect change. Mr. Littlefield is in that position and I believe this article may start that conversation back up again. Cody Maxwell said his intention was give a voice to people who have not been heard. I believe he did that. He has also asked our political figures to be accountable. I am interested to see if Mr. Littlefield responds.

Annie Maxwell The stories you feature in your article are helpful in presenting the humanity and individuality of people experiencing homelessness. Such a view is lost in community discussions that often lump everyone experiencing homelessness into one big group. However, your comments regarding Mayor Littlefield are factually incorrect. The Furniture Bank, Interfaith

Homeless Network, and SETHRA are located at the Farmer’s Market site. These organizations would clearly not be there without Mayor Littlefield’s advocacy and active support. Furthermore, Mayor Littlefield has provided very active support for four Project Homeless Connect events which have served approximately 1,500 of our neighbors experiencing homelessness.

John Dorris Wow. This is probably one of the best things you guys at The Pulse could have done to bring more attention to the lack of support the city has for its’ homeless residents. Kudos to you. The mayor should be ashamed for his lack of action in providing a safe place for the area homeless. I have the same questions Cody Maxwell posed in this article. What happened to the Farmer’s Market site?

Why has nothing else been done? Mr. Littlefield, why have you continued to stand by and do nothing?

Jeremy Muse

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Pulse Beats

Quote Of The Week:

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

“I’m not going to give you the number, but this is the biggest money we’ve put out there. We booked her because it is our 30th anniversary.”

— Riverbend Festival Executive Director Chip Baker on the booking of country superstar Miranda Lambert.

Enterprise South Nature Park Now Open Nature lovers in the region have received an early Christmas present. The new 2,800-acre Enterprise South Nature Park—jointly funded by Hamilton County and the City of Chattanooga—was officially opened this past Friday.

The park features fourand-half miles of walking and hiking trails, 10 miles of mountain bike trails, five miles of paved walking and bike roads, a seven-mile driving loop, a one-mile ADA accessible wood land trail, three historical exhibits and four picnic areas.

Mayor Claude Ramsey and Mayor Ron Littlefield hosted a brief opening ceremony last Thursday inside the new Visitor’s Center at the park entrance.

Ramsey says the park has always been part of his vision for Enterprise South. “The beauty of Hamilton County has always been one of our strongest assets when companies and people look to locate here. I can’t think of a better addition to our award-winning park system than this wilderness jewel for people to come and experience the natural beauty of our community.”

Littlefield added, “We’ve set the standard again. Soon this park will be full as bikers, runners, and walkers begin to take advantage of the numerous trails, roads and pathways of this great facility. The use of this vast acreage as public green space is another reason why Chattanooga continues to be the most transformed community in America.”

The Enterprise South Nature Park borders Volkswagen’s new auto manufacturing plant, home to its new midsized sedan (which will be officially unveiled at the North American International Auto Show in Detroit, beginning January 10).

Jason Guess, manager of safety, health and wellness with Volkswagen America joined the celebration stating, “Volkswagen Chattanooga was very pleased to support the effort to cut the network of trails that will make Enterprise South Nature Park such a treasure for Chattanoogans for years to come. SORBA (Southern Off Road Biking As-

sociation) approached Volkswagen with a proposal seeking assistance and we agreed that this effort fit perfectly with our sustainability efforts. We have a commitment to promoting an environmentally conscious lifestyle and we were very proud to support SORBA’s efforts. Both SORBA and Hamilton County leadership have much to be proud of here at Enterprise South Nature Park.”

Enterprise South Nature Park is now open to the public from 7 a.m. until 5 p.m. during the winter season. For additional information about the park, visit www.hamiltontn.gov/esnp

Alcohol Sales Coming To Tivoli, Memorial You’ll soon be able to enjoy an alcoholic beverage with a show at the Tivoli Theater and Memorial Auditorium. Chattanooga City Council members were informed last week that the sale of alcohol at the two city-owned venues is 60-to-90 days away.

Missy Crutchfield, administrator of the Department of Education, Arts and Culture, told council members that requests for proposals for a vendor should go out in January. The winning bid will receive a one-year contract with the option of two one-year renewals.

However, the sales of food and beverage will be limited to the lobby areas of the two venues. City leaders have said for the past year that unless the financial picture of the city-owned halls improves, they were looking at the possibility of shutting down or selling one of the properties.

Council members do feel confident that the new system will generate enough of an increase in revenue to avoid that fate. They plan to take another look at the progress of the beverage sales experiment during next year’s budget process.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 23, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | The Pulse

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Beyond The Headlines

Coalition Responds To “Homeless Diaries”

Editor’s Note: Our cover story last week, “Homeless Diaries: Voices Of The Silenced”, engendered a strong response from a wide variety of readers. Among the groups that felt strongly moved to respond was the Chattanooga Regional Homeless Coalition.

T

he face of homelessness in the Chattanooga region has changed dramatically in the last several years. At one time, the majority of homeless persons receiving assistance lived with many challenges like mental illness and substance abuse that created obstacles to obtaining and maintaining stable housing. While the challenges have changed, many obstacles remain. Currently, due to unprecedented job losses and changes in the housing market, people who have never been homeless before have lost their homes.

The community works diligently to create new housing and service options designed to meet the diverse needs of individuals and families experiencing homelessness.

To better facilitate solutions, the Chattanooga Regional Homeless Coalition (CRHC) was formed in 1989 to advocate, plan, and maximize resources. The CRHC leads the community in the planning and preparation of the Continuum of Care application. As a result, in 2010, the US Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) awarded $2.2 million to CRHC Continuum of Care service providers in the Chattanooga region to assist citizens experiencing homelessness. Local community-based agencies use the funds to provide services and resources that link people to permanent housing and supports.

Every day local service providers speak with individuals and families experiencing homelessness to determine the unique set of resources required. Supports vary depending on people’s needs. For some, rental assistance to get in the door of an apartment or house is the crucial requirement.

Deposits often become a barrier for homeless people because

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they, while trying to survive on the street, have trouble saving money. All their resources are used to simply stay alive. Often, our homeless neighbors just need support to develop self-sufficiency.

Each January the Chattanooga Regional Homeless Coalition (CRHC) conducts a Point-In-Time count. The CRHC counts homeless people residing in emergency shelter, transitional housing, and on the streets. The CRHC tallies the number people experiencing homelessness on this one night to capture a real-time "picture" of homelessness in our region. This count provides a realistic number of homeless people in Southeast Tennessee. The United States Congress utilizes the PointIn-Time as an element in determining how much housing assistance and service funding is needed to help homeless people find stability.

During the last Point-In-Time the CRHC counted 622 people experiencing homelessness in the region. The count revealed a significant decrease in chronic homelessness and a troubling increase in family homelessness. This count informs strategic planning efforts to develop the most appropriate supports.

Throughout 2010 approximately 4,900 homeless people received services designed to lead permanent housing solutions. Community service providers addressed individual needs and directly linked individuals and families to services and permanent housing solutions. The majority of people who received services experienced homelessness for a relatively short period of time. Research indicates that participants of the Continuum of Care programs exit to and remain in permanent housing at a rate of 94 percent.

As part of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 (ARRA), Tennessee Housing Development Agency (THDA) received an allocation of Homelessness Prevention and Rapid Re-Housing Program (HPRP) funds.

THDA distributed HPRP dollars to Continuum of Care

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

agencies throughout the state. The CRHC received just over $1.2 million over two years. The CRHC works with the AIM Center Inc. and the Chattanooga Community Kitchen to provide financial assistance and services to prevent homelessness and rapidly re-house individuals and families who are currently homeless. Since October 2009, the CRHC and its partners have prevented homelessness for 490 persons and have assisted 90 persons in obtaining homes through HPRP assistance. Community service providers continue working to ensure the individuals and families remain stably housed.

The efforts of the CRHC and its member agencies complement the work of local governments. Hamilton County recently began expanding the Homeless Health Care Center. Over the last several years, the City of Chattanooga developed new facilities on E. 11th Street. Interfaith Homeless Network, Southeast Tennessee Human Resource Agency, and the Furniture Bank have located on this site. Each of these agencies, in partnership with Hamilton County and the City of Chattanooga, provides vital services for our homeless neighbors. In addition, the City of Chattanooga has allocated $1.7 million of HOME Again funding to acquire, renovate, or construct safe, decent, affordable housing for persons who are homeless or near homeless.

While much has been done in an attempt to solve the issue of homelessness in the Southeast Tennessee region, more work is needed to end homelessness. The Chattanooga Regional Homeless Coalition and its partners continue to collaborate strategically to create an adequate supply of affordable housing, coordinated effectively, with community services. These efforts have closed the door to homelessness for many. The continuing work strives to create a system that prevents and ends homelessness for all.

— Mary Simons & Robert Harrison

“Throughout 2010 approximately 4,900 homeless people received services designed to lead permanent housing solutions.”

www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 23, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | The Pulse

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• The Grinch appears to have moved to Chattanooga, and his heart is back to being three sizes too small. Chattanooga police answered a strong-arm robbery call last week on Union Avenue in which a mother of six had her children’s presents taken right out of her hands. The mother was carrying Christmas presents into her home when she was approached by a man who asked to use her phone. When she said no, he grabbed her shopping bag containing an Xbox 360, games and controllers. She struggled with the suspect but he was able to pull the bag from her grasp and get away to a vehicle waiting nearby. As he ran away, the Xbox fell from the bag and was run over by the suspect vehicle as it fled the scene. Even Ebenezer Scrooge wasn’t this mean.

• Speaking of Grinches, another one is being sought by Dalton police. A woman is out $950 after dropping an envelope full of cash at a gas station, and the Dalton police are asking for the public’s help in identifying the man who picked it up and took it. The incident happened December 10 at approximately 4:30 pm. The victim stopped to get gas after cashing a check.

As she was walking back to her car from the store, she dropped the envelope on the ground without realizing it and drove away. A few minutes later, an unidentified man drove up to one of the pumps and was videotaped by surveillance cameras picking up the envelope on his way into the store. He paid for his gas and then drove away.

The man wore a toboggan hat, a heavy dark-colored jacket with white stripes across the shoulders and blue jeans. He was driving a light-blue late ’80s or early ’90s model Toyota Camry or Corolla.

Anyone who has any information on or the identity of the suspect is asked to please contact Officer Will Bryan at (706) 278-9085, extension 255.

• Volunteer firefighters are among the most respected members of any community. That’s why it’s so disturbing when one of them becomes the firestarter.

Unfortunately, a LaFayette volunteer firefighter is in jail facing one charge of arson, with more charges likely pending.

The 32 year old admitted to police that he started as many as 30 structure fires over the last several years. Detectives say he would start the fires, return to his home, and then be one of the first to respond to the call. It’s believed he did it not just for the thrill, but for money, because in Walker County, volunteer firefighters get

Best Holiday Movies

paid per fire that they respond to.

• Rhea County, Tennessee doesn’t much resemble California. So some people are scratching their heads, wondering why a 20-year-old medical marijuana grower would risk sending eight pounds of his best stuff there. While the medicinal pot is legal in the Sunshine State, folks in Spring City are a little more conservative. When the package arrived at the post office, the smell caught the attention of postal workers who called police. The Oroville, California man was arrested for sending the parcel. When he and three other people showed up at an empty house on Watts Bar Lake to check the mail, they were taken into custody.

1. A Christmas Story 2. White Christmas 3. It’s A Wonderful Life 4. Miracle on 34th Street 5. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 6. The Polar Express 7. Home Alone 8. A Christmas Carol 9. Scrooged 10. Die Hard Nothing says “holiday season” like curling up in front of a warm wide-screen television with a tall stack of classic holiday movies.

While we understand that your list will likely be a bit different than ours—some people just can’t get enough of Ernest Saves Christmas and there are even a few out there who actually liked the film version of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas—we’re convinced that if you rent or buy these ten classics, you will have no trouble getting into the proper holiday spirit.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 23, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | The Pulse

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Inside Politics

What's Wrong With Letting The Voters Decide?

By Gary Poole

With the announced resignation two

weeks ago of Hamilton County Mayor Claude Ramsey, which will take effect on January 11, the members of the Hamilton County Commission were faced with a political nowin situation on how to go about replacing the popular mayor. The two choices seem simple, at least on the surface. Choice A would be to call for a special election and let county voters decide, while Choice B is to have the commissioners appoint a replacement.

Politics, however, is very rarely simple. What may appear on the surface to be an easy choice can often turn out to be nearly impossible to make happen.

Following the decision by the commission to appoint a replacement for Ramsey, the question was raised about whether or not the body had even considered calling for a special election.

County Chairman Fred Skillern acknowledged that the issue was never discussed publically, but pointed out that under state law the county would only have 120 days from the announcement of Ramsey’s resignation to hold an election. He said that simply wasn’t enough time to hold party caucuses and still allow the state-mandated

90-day campaigning period, not to mention the high cost of holding such an election.

Skillern says it is unfortunate that the state constitution puts such a tight time limit on special elections, but also pointed out that if a new mayor was not in place 120 days after Ramsey's resignation, the state could replace the entire commission.

Considering the 120-day clock started ticking the moment Mayor Ramsey officially tendered his resignation to the commission—even though it doesn’t take effect for several weeks—putting the wheels in motion to legally hold a special election would have been very difficult.

Even so, a lot of county residents have questioned the lack of transparency from the commission in how the matter was handled. The meeting where Ramsey made his resignation formal would have been the proper venue to hash out the choices, but not a single commissioner even brought up the idea of a special election.

Which begs the question of when such a discussion did take place, between whom, and why it was decided to not even debate the idea. The entire idea of transparency has been hotly debated by the commission over the past two weeks, as they grapple with what many of them feel is a very constrictive Open Meetings Act, commonly known as the Sunshine Law, even appealing to the state.

“Considering the 120-day clock started ticking the moment Ramsey officially tendered his resignation, putting the wheels in motion to legally hold a special election would have been very difficult.”

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Even so, there is only a matter of days before the commission will have to vote on a replacement. They selected Monday, December 27 for a special meeting to make a decision, giving the next county mayor time to transition with Ramsey and his staff.

Guy Satterfield, Mike Carter, Edward Ector, Russell Collins, Richard Rankin, Harry “Buddy” Rogers, Denise Russell-Ford, Pam Hurst and current County Commissioner Jim Coppinger all filed their letters of intent by last Friday's deadine.

One notable name missing from the list is commissioner Larry Henry, who submitted a letter to fellow commissioners saying that he had considered applying for the post, but had decided against it.

As it stand none, eight men (Coppinger cannot take part in the vote) will decide, on behalf of the entire county of approximately 340,000 people, who will lead the county until the next general election in August of 2012. Men that have, as a group, clearly expressed a clear desire to keep their deliberations outside of the public eye.

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Cover Story

Joe and the Baby: A Christmas Shift Change I eased down Rossville Boulevard a

By Alex Teach

“The fact that they usually had great stories to tell was a plus, and I listened beside their campfires with them often enough that their protective dogs didn’t bark at me anymore.

few miles below the speed limit, slumped toward the door with one hand on the wheel, eyes squinting in the fading light of the afternoon. I was going through the motions, but my mind was completely off the job; it was too cold to “police”. It was too cold to do anything, I thought, as powder snow and scraps of paper drifted carelessly across the four-lane state highway in swirls and wisps, kicked up by my cruiser’s wheels and those of the few other cars around it.

My coat was zipped to my chin and neoprene leggings were making me feel like Jim Morrison in his prime at the Whiskey a Go-Go, yet I still felt a chill stabbing its way into my bones like a serial killer rushing through his lunch hour. Steering with gloves on was bad, but it was the toboggan that rested just above my eyelids and below my ears that was the worst. I hate hats of any kind.

My scalp has always wanted to live free or die, but the wind chill was 6 and numb hands and chattering teeth are no defense against the indigenous peoples of this part of town. (Just because it was too cold to police didn’t mean my customers

were taking the day off, too.)

There was (as always) a cup of coffee in the cup holder I’d drilled into my dashboard and I had just come from delivering its twin to Hobo Joe behind the 23rd Street Waffle House, as I was wont to do on days like these. It was a pleasant gesture, but actually it was a great way to keep my hand warm while traipsing through brush to a bum encampment in the area between the Awful Waffle and the Interstate to make sure the residents there were still alive. They were there by choice (God knows the property owners and I tried to convince them otherwise), and that made them my responsibility.

The fact that they usually had great stories to tell was a plus, and I listened beside their campfires with them often enough that their protective dogs didn’t bark at me anymore.

I had paused along the well-worn trail long enough to look up at the sun through trees whose leaves had long since vacated its limbs, but were still dense enough to block half the rays. I had no interest in freezing, but there was something pure about cold winter mornings when you exhaled clouds of mist that hung in the air silently and

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Cover Story “The folks passing my police car never knew they were passing a death just beyond the woods, slightly over the boundary of civilization and into the realm of ‘Not My Problem’”. dissipated like interrupted dreams around you. I had gotten so lost in such thoughts about nothing that I caught myself lifting Joe’s coffee to my lips out of habit, but I had resisted at the last second before trudging on.

I’m not so prone to “routine” as most cops are, but it was a coldweather ritual I’d performed in areas like these since I’d started The Job, always having gravitated towards districts prone to the homeless.

As they are literally off the grid, I kept track of them in a well-worn, fat purple notebook I’d labeled “Experian” (since that’s who tracked the ones on the grid), and it had been used by several detectives to identify both the murdered and their murders for more than a decade.

It was that book they held beside me as I held Joe’s beverage, because sure enough I’d finally found him dead on the soiled cot in the surprisingly well-appointed tent that he called home, replete with propane heating and covered plastic insulation. His stark blue eyes were still open and framed by his dirty cheeks and unkempt beard and hair when I found him; unlike the tender moments in cinema, however, I was not allowed to brush them closed with my fingers. It was as if he died while planning what he had to do the next morning, as we all do when heading to sleep, and that is how I left him.

It wasn’t long before his coffee was almost as cold as his corpse because I couldn’t put it down;

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crime scene rules. I’d have drunk the damn thing, but this had been intended for Joe per the ritual, and it felt wrong…a voice I’ve ignored in the past, but not today. I stepped back to let the investigators do their work and eventually poured it out into a drainage ditch that served as the indigenous people’s restroom, my boots crunching in the clay and gravel pushed up from the frost just beneath it. The frost just beneath the surface of me.

I returned to the relative warmth of my cruiser parked outside the Waffle House, eventually, but I didn’t even remember the trip back until I caught myself staring into my sideview mirror as oncoming traffic moved into it as outgoing traffic, thinking about how the folks passing my police car never knew they were passing a death just beyond the woods, slightly over the boundary of civilization and into the realm of “Not My Problem”. I envied the ignorance we allowed them. “Merry Christmas!” someone said as they walked down the sidewalk past my car. I waved back politely; it was Christmas Day, after all.

My “bums”. An unflattering word, but a practical one, just as “cop” is for me and my kind. They occasionally died, as everyone does, but their deaths were as stark as their lives and the lack of propriety in such casts life in a whole new light to the civilized mind.

I mean…there is passing away in a hospital bed surrounded by family

Cover Story (even one member, for the fortunate), and there is even dying unexpectedly in a car crash as we scurry from one silly task to the next with our cell phones in hand and satellite radio in the dash…and then there is the death of a man or woman living feral in the woods beside our interstates and railroads. It defies the civility our nation prides itself on, and even believes it still possesses.

So after a while, I moved on down the road… slumped to my left, easing through the dusting of snow on the roadways, mentally exhausted but only halfway through the workday.

“What a shitter,” as my dad used to say.

Evening was approaching as the sky grew dark unnaturally early in the day, and stars were emerging in the sky with the startling clarity a cold cloudless night brings, and I welcomed their distraction. “First star to the left, and straight on till morning,” I mumbled to myself, and I decided to take the advice.

especially bright star and easing off in that direction.

I was off the main drag now, cruising the neighborhoods and admiring the single string of lights residents would use to adorn, say, half their porch, or one shrub in the yard.

Christmas lights were strung 365 days a year in these neighborhoods (rather than take them down for 10 months), and its tackiness never failed to elicit a smile from me. House after house it was the same, until I spotted lights coming from inside one particular home (a duplex) I knew wasn’t supposed to have any lights on inside it as it had been unoccupied for the last 11 months and burglarized an equal amount of times. I blacked out my lights and drifted to the side of the road, calling dispatch for another car. Burglars or squatters, I was sick of the landlord’s legitimate complaints and decided to shake Joe’s untimely death with a dose of work.

I eased towards the house to get a better look and listen, and saw that the lights in the house

“Christmas lights were strung 365 days a year in these neighborhoods (rather than take them down for 10 months), and its tackiness never failed to elicit a smile from me.

I stopped for a joyless meal at a McDonald’s on the Boulevard and even made an attempt to eat it to the last fry, but my appetite was as broken as the frozen ground around Joe’s tent. I believed he might have done himself in with the propane heating and the plastic insulation draped outside; carbon monoxide buildup. Or 40 years on the streets as he chose to live, consuming gallons of malt liquor and whiskey…little difference now so long as there wasn’t a knife sticking out of him or a bullet hole in the mess of hair that covered so much of his head. I sat next to a window, still looking at the stars while praying no one asked me any questions, and I left, again picking an

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Cover Story were probably from candles…not the sign of a burglar. I turned my radio down and quietly maneuvered towards a window around detritus in the yard, able to see especially well from the brightness of the stars overhead—and couldn’t believe what I saw inside through the living room window: A woman on a mattress with a man and woman on either side of her, and a small child off in the corner sitting Indian-style, rocking back and forth. The woman was moaning, knees hiked up almost high enough to disguise a sizeable belly; she was in labor. (“What a shitter,” I again heard my dad say in the back of my mind.)

Reassuring words were issued in Spanish from her companions, and I managed to close my shocked mouth enough to back up and tell my dispatcher what was happening. Whatever I’d expected to find here….this was not it.

I re-holstered the gun I had drawn earlier by instinct and made my way up to the porch. “Está bien,” I said loudly but calmly (“It’s all right”), not wanting to scare them further by screaming “Police!” as is habit. The man to the woman’s left stood quickly and began rattling off Spanish I couldn’t have hoped to understand, because I only knew enough to scare someone or reassure them… “basics” in policing.

A second police car pulled up as I went inside, and medics were being alerted in some far-away station house as beads of sweat formed on my forehead that matched those of the woman’s on the mattress. She may as well have been on another planet as far as her concern about me went, but

in the distance as the medics and first responders approached. As if on cue, a third cop now entered the doorway and like the one before also quickly turned pale, mouth agape, turned on his heels and fled, his hand reaching up to his mouth to stymie a gag. I didn’t know what this kid’s future held, but he was sure getting a hell of a welcoming party.

Moments passed, and medics finally entered the room and took over what was literally the greatest show on Earth unfolding before us as the first high-pitched cry filled the air.

I’d been smiling the whole time until this point; now I just cried.

I peeled off the gloves, and eventually stepped outside. As I said before, there was no power to this house so the darkness was complete, but the yard was fully illuminated by a distinct silvery glow. I looked up, and for the third time that night took great interest in the extremely bright stars overhead…the ones now seemingly directly over this little abandoned house where a baby was born on Christmas night.

As the infant (and family) left for the hospital and the requisite lodging and healthcare coverage that would entail, I eased toward my car, my boots again crunching in clay and gravel pushed up from the frost just beneath it. But now, for certain, there was no longer frost just beneath the surface of me.

I kept my smile, and decided I’d maybe go for that cup of coffee now. “Merry Christmas, Joe.” It was almost shift change…where another cycle begins anew.

“I looked up, and for the third time that night took great interest in the extremely bright stars overhead…the ones now seemingly directly over this little abandoned house where a baby was born on Christmas night.”

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unfortunately she wasn’t on another planet; she was in front of me, and since the Nozzle Heads and the medics were only just being given the address there was only one thing left for me to do: Reach up behind my belt and pull out a pair of trauma gloves.

I knelt down and took her empty hand, the man still jabbering on behind me, and began taking over-exaggerated rhythmic breaths while making rolling motions with the other hand, trying to get her to imitate me. (She looked pissed off, as any woman in labor would, but caught on.)

At that moment, my backup officer came in the door and looked around in confusion; he saw me kneeling before the woman and got as far as asking “Teach, what do you got, should I…” when he realized what was going on, and immediately said “Oh… Oh, God, I’m OUT of here!” and he fairly bolted back through the doorway.

“It’s OK,” I told her. “He’s obviously not a golfer,” I said, trying to distract her with my keen wit. She didn’t appear to speak English and was in full labor, but hey…I’m a funny guy.

My wit left the room as the baby began to enter it.

Now the other woman joined the man in yelling and jabbering, which prompted the youngster still sitting in the corner to cry, and sirens softly wailed

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 23, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | The Pulse

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Music Feature

Winter Songs and Stories with Larkin Poe

By Chuck Crowder

Larkin Poe also delivers its own powerful brand arking Legs Theater hosts a special of storytelling. holiday treat this Thursday night, as Larkin “Ever since we Poe takes the stage to introduce their new were little girls, we’ve box set of recordings in concert. Made been awed by the up of sisters Rebecca and Megan Lovell power of a story well (formerly of The Lovell Sisters), Larkin Poe told—from children’s delivers an innovative fusion of newgrass, books to fairytales. country, and folk with tight harmonies and Before we were able outstanding musicianship. to read, we hounded World renowned, the Lovells have our parents for ‘more been classically trained musicians since stories!’ and then, childhood, with sister Rebecca being the when at last we could; youngest contestant and first female to we began hounding win the MerleFest International Mandolin the bookshelves,” says Competition.

Megan “We search for stories Lovell.

As a group, The Lovell Sisters of human experience, “Now, nearly a decade later, won Garrison at ages 19 and 20, we’re still of love won and love Keillor’s Prairie doing the same thing.”

Home Companion lost, and of the million “We’re still on the search National Teen for stories, and striving to mundane things that Talent Competition learn how to tell them well. make up everyday life.” in 2005 and have Now, we not only hound since toured internationally, opening for bookshelves, but also the people surrounding Elvis Costello, Brandi Carlile and Indigo us,” says Rebecca Lovell. “We search for Girls. In addition to stellar musicianship, stories of human experience, of love won and

B

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

love lost, and of the million mundane things that make up everyday life.”

Continuing a musical journey that began playing classical violin and piano at the ages of 5 and 6, The Lovell Sisters (which included eldest sister Jessica), toured internationally through their teenage years from 2005 to 2010, playing the Grand Ole Opry as well as acclaimed festivals such as Bonnaroo and Telluride. After saying farewell to The Lovell Sisters in January, Lovells Megan and

Music Feature

New Music Reviews

Rebecca formed a new band named after their great-greatgreat grandfather, Larkin Poe. Joined by Knoxville-based musicians Daniel Kimbro (bass), Chad Melton (drums), and Mike Seal (electric guitar), Larkin Poe released its debut EP, Spring, in February 2010. After that, the band decided to embark upon the quest of recording and releasing four seasonally themed EPs in 2010: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.

“What better way to let folks be a part of our development as a band than to record and release our newest experimentations every few months,” says Megan Lovell. “Now, with Spring and Summer released and the recording for Fall freshly finished, we are knee-deep in the pre-production stages of Winter and loving every minute of it.”

King Crimson 40th

Islands: Anniversary Series (Discipline)

“Doing an A-B comparison between the 1999 mix and the 2010 is astounding, revealing crisp, well-defined sounds and a natural balance on the new mix."

Mighty Clouds

Come be a part of a very special evening with Larkin Poe at Barking Legs.

See you there!

Mighty Clouds (Life Like) This writer’s favorite album of the last decade is the 2003 album All Your Summer Songs by the Ypsilanti, Michigan band Saturday Looks Good to Me, led by the prolific songwriter Fred Thomas.

It’s an endlessly replayable pop album with lyrics and arrangements that were meticulously crafted, bearing a strong Phil Spector/Motown influence and a distinctive recording style that conveys

By Ernie Paik

Fans of the ever-evolving King Crimson, the legendary prog-rock outfit formed by guitar virtuoso Robert Fripp, will have their favorite line-ups—the formidable, initial group of In the Court of the Crimson King, the early-’70s Larks’ Tongues in Aspic-era quintet, or possibly the Belew/Bruford/Levin outfit that recorded Discipline. Rarely cited, however, is the 1971 lineup featuring Boz Burrell (later of Bad Company), reed player Mel Collins, drummer Ian Wallace, and lyricist Peter Sinfield.

In fact, that group’s live album Earthbound is often considered King Crimson’s most hated release (this is mostly due to its low-fidelity recording—the performances themselves are absolutely blistering).

This lineup’s sole studio album is Islands, recently reissued as part of King Crimson’s 40th Anniversary Series as a two-disc CD/ DVD set, and it’s an odd case, where the whole is less than the sum of its parts. Each song, considered separately, can hold up, but the album is sonically non-cohesive.

For example, the sleazy blues-rock (with an ejaculating sax solo) of “Ladies of the Road” is followed by the classical chamber piece “Prelude: Song of the Gulls”; “Formentera Lady,” a spacious, flowing piece with flutey goodness and Sinfield’s fantasy-world lyrics, comes before the exciting “Sailor’s Tale,” featuring an incredible guitar solo, an uncharacteristic moment where Fripp goes attic symphonies. In recent years, Thomas has concentrated on his Panda Bear-esque project City Center, but this debut offering from a new outfit, entitled Mighty Clouds, is like an extension of Saturday Looks Good to Me; however, like Thomas’s solo albums, it has a more spare sonic approach than the richly layered Saturday Looks Good to Me material.

Alongside Thomas is vocalist Betty Barnes, who sang on the final two Saturday Looks Good to Me albums and has since relocated to Sweden, and her vocals for Mighty Clouds were recorded over three days during a Michigan visit, leaving Thomas to build the album around them and the song structures. The brief, yet deeply felt “New Life” somewhat resembles the Saturday Looks Good to Me track “Peg” and offers Barnes singing about a fresh start which could parallel her own situation, ending with the lines, “I could

unhinged and jabs and punishes his guitar.

The CD presents the newly remastered version of the album (“2010 Stereo Mix”) with six bonus tracks, while the DVD contains high resolution audio of the 2010 Stereo Mix plus a new 5.1 surround sound mix (done by Steven Wilson of the band Porcupine Tree), and the 30th Anniversary Edition mix of the album from 1999. Doing an A-B comparison between the 1999 mix and the 2010 is astounding, revealing crisp, well-defined sounds and a natural balance on the new mix.

With the revelatory 2010 Stereo Mix, along with a generous helping of alternate takes, rehearsal and live recordings, and assorted mixes, this superb presentation calls for a reevaluation of Islands as an underappreciated album. sing for all the little things that got lost inside themselves.” “Mighty Cloud” perhaps bears the most ’60s-pop influence, beginning with a reverb-drenched guitar melody, joined by Barnes’s clear, pretty voice, musical textures and counterpoint, and a tambourine holding the beat. The album’s sole cover, Morrissey’s “Certain People I Know,” is a jaunty reading, with just a nylon-string guitar and layered vocal harmonizing. Mighty Clouds is available as a vinyl record, a digital download, and a cassette, and completists should note that the cassette includes the entire album on side A and the band’s first live set, recorded last month in Ypsilanti, as a bonus on side B, with a few renditions of Saturday Looks Good to Me tunes to round out the performance. It’s a short-but-sweet album and a return to Thomas’s charming and satisfying pure pop methods.

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Music Calendar Thursday Spotlight

Larkin Poe Formerly the Lovell Sisters, these ladies visit BLT as part of a box-set release celebration. $12.50 advance, $15 door 7 p.m.

Barking Legs Theater, 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org

Thursday Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. thepalmsathamilton.com A Very Special Evening with Larkin Poe 7 p.m. Barking Legs, 1322 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347. www.barkinglegs.org Crossfire 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Matt Bohannon 9:30 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn) facebook.com/theofficechatt

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The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Friday Spotlight

Video DJ Nick 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Fly By Radio: Christmas Party Edition 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com SOULEDOUT! Classic and Modern Soul with DJ K7 10 p.m. The Social, 1110 Market St., Ste. 101.

Friday Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000. www.choochoo.com

Christmas Eve Live Music 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

The Fried Chicken Trio 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. #202.

(423) 499-5055. thepalmsathamilton.com

Saturday

Ben Friberg Trio 6 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com

Johnny Cash Tribute Band 5 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Victorian Lounge, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648- 6679.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

The Ben Friberg Trio Spend Christmas Eve with Ben and boys.

No cover 6 p.m.

Table Two, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com

The Most Important Band in the World 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919 Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. thepalmsathamilton.com DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd. #202.

(423) 499-5055. thepalmsathamilton.com Ramble Horse 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Merry Christmas from The Pulse!

Music Calendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Saturday Spotlight

Ramble Horse Christmas Show Third year of this party, this time with DJs K7 and Tryezz. $5 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Sunday Spotlight

Sunday Live DJ and Karaoke 8:30 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648- 6679.

DJ and Dancing 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

The Suicide Doors, 40 oz Folklore 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Monday

Tuesday Ben Friberg Trio 6:30 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th St. (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike.

(423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Tim & Reece 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Wednesday

Big Band Night 8 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. thepalmsathamilton.com

Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260.

Jimmy Harris 6:30 p.m. The Coconut Room at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. thepalmsathamilton.com

Live DJ – Karaoke 8 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Darren Self 9 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike.

(423) 266-1996.

Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (433) 634-0260.

The Suicide Doors, 40-oz Folklore Out of Calhoun come the enigmatic Suicide Doors. $5 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

(423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

DJ Spins – Karaoke Contest 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777. www.bartslakeshore.com The Fried Chicken Trio 9 p.m. The Lounge at The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202. (423) 499-5055. thepalmsathamilton.com Dark Horse Ten with Courter, Clouse, & King 9:30 p.m.

Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. rhythm-brews.com Open Mic with Mark Holder 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd.

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Arts & Entertainment

By Janis Hashe

Unsinkable Art at the AIM Center Two organizations helping people in

the community celebrate a joint venture this Thursday morning.

Mark Making, the local nonprofit that “empowers non-professional artists by teaching them 21st century problem-solving skills” and the AIM Center, the nonprofit psychiatric rehabilitation facility in downtown Chattanooga that assists people suffering from personality disorders and psychiatric disabilities such as schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, co-occurring disorder, and clinical depression, joined forces on “Mosaic: The Flow.”

This sink-that-is-also-a sculpture came about because Frances McDonald, who founded Mark Making, is also involved at the AIM Center. “We’d raised the money for Phase Two of the center, which included the art studio,” she said. “But the original plan called for an ugly fiberglass sink. People can see into the studio from the street, and I said, ‘We just cannot have that sink.’”

So AIM Center members got together and began work on a design, according to member Gloria Adams.

Altogether, more than 45 people have been involved in the final creation, she says, including Eloen Zahourec and Risto Bekovich. “And they have really toiled over this project,” says McDonald.

The large soapstone sink, which was donated, was “discovered in a North Chattanooga basement,” McDonald says. The metallic tiles that cover it were selected to not overpower the sink’s design, and both the faucet and the surrounding cabinetry were also donated.

The sink is now the focal point of the art studio.

Partnership between the two organizations has been a natural fit.

Founded in 1989, the AIM Center has long been

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known for its much-needed services to people with mental disorders. Since Mark Making’s founding in 2008, it has completed a series of high-profile public art projects, including “Homes,” a 13-foot high sculpture on Main Street, for which 300 homeless people created ceramic tiles expressing their ideas about “home” and being homeless.

At the ChattanoogaHamilton County Bicentennial Library, students with Chattanooga Teen Scene and the Teen Advisory Board constructed a large, abstract, cloth tapestry that depicted the changes they experience as they move from youth to adulthood.

On Barton Avenue, a mural of singing self-portraits by 55 third-graders at Chattanooga School for the Arts and Sciences welcomes people to North Chattanooga.

“We Speak,” Mark Making’s most recent project before “Mosaic: The Flow” is composed of 52 paintings installed on the facade of Ross Hotel Building, corner of Georgia Avenue and Patten Parkway. Students ages 1218 from CADAS, the Chambliss Shelter and Partnership of Families, Children and Adults were asked to choose a verb to follow “I” to express whatever they felt to the public. Responses included “I Write,” “I Text,” “I Respect,”

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

“I Pray,” “I Dream” and “I Will.”

In all, more than 420 nonprofessional artists have participated in Mark Making projects, to which AIM Center members have now also contributed.

The reception on Thursday morning will honor these artists for their help in creating the sink/sculpture. “It’s a beautiful piece,” says McDonald. “They should be proud.”

Mark Making/AIM Center Reception for "Mosaic: The Flow" 9 a.m. Thursday, December 23 AIM Center art studio, 472 W. MLK Blvd.

For more information, contact Frances McDonald, (423) 605-5257. aimcenterinc.org, markmaking.org

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A&E Calendar Highlights Friday

Thursday

A Christmas Story

Yes, the lamp, the bunny suit, the air rifle and the tongue on the lamppost. $12.50 - $25 7 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Main Stage, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

Free Admission Day 10 a.m. Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.org A Christmas Story 7 p.m. Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. T-Bones Sports Cafe, 1419 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4240. www.chattanoogatrivia.com “Helping Hands & Winter Wonders” Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. ww.cdmfun.org

Saturday

True Grit

Never mind Tron; see Jeff Bridges in another great performance in this re-make of the John Wayne classic.

The Rave, 5080 South Terrace, East Ridge.

(423) 855-9652. www.ravemotionpictures.com

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Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Black Swan

Natalie Portman gives in a career-defining performance as a ballerina on the brink.

Majestic 12, 311 Broad St. (423) 826-2375. www.carmike.com

Deck the Falls Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. www.rubyfalls.com Member’s Choice Photographic Art Exhibit The Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop.

(423) 344-5643.

“Eternal” Exum Gallery, 305 W. 7th St. (423) 593-4265.

“Heirloom” Shuptrine Fine Art & Framing, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com “Beyond Baseball: The Life of Roberto Clemente” Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd.

(423) 266-8658.

“Helping Hands & Winter Wonders” Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. www.cdmfun.org “a Pale; place into parts” by Glenn Herbert Davis Sewanee University Art Gallery, 68 Georgia Ave. www.sewanee.edu

Hunter Invitational 2010 Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org “Spirituality of Light” Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270. www.jewishchattanooga.com “Women’s Work” (thru 12/24) Bill Shores Frame and Gallery, 2 North Shore, Manufacturers Rd. (423) 756-6746. www.billshoresframes.com “Tripple Whipple” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com Tennessee Aquarium’s Tropical Holiday Adventure Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695. www.tnaqua.org “Different Strokes” by Peggy Huffstutler In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214. www.intowngallery.com Rock City’s Enchanted Garden of Lights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mountain, GA.

Sunday

Ricky Peardon and the New Comedians Showcase Check out some of the young comic talent coming up through the ranks. $9 8 p.m.

The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com

Comedy Showcase 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Ultimate Wave Tahiti 3D 6 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Toy Story 3 3D 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Deck the Falls Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544. www.rubyfalls.com Hunter Invitational 2010 Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Rock City’s Enchanted Garden of Lights 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mountain, GA.

A&E Calendar Highlights Monday Family Critter Cruise – “Tails” on the River 12:30 p.m. Tennessee Aquarium River Gorge Explorer, 1 Broad St. (423) 267-3474.

Live Team Trivia 6 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5840 Lake Resort Ter. (423) 870-0770.

Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. “Helping Hands & Winter Wonders” Creative Discovery Museum, 321 Chestnut St. (423) 648-6043. ww.cdmfun.org “Beyond Baseball: The Life of Roberto Clemente” Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd.

(423) 266-8658.

Tuesday Spirituality in Light: Kwanzaa 1 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View.

(423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Salsa Lessons 6 p.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658.

Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. RAW Sushi Bar, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919. www.chattanoogatrivia.com Hunter Invitational 2010 Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org “Heirloom” Shuptrine Fine Art & Framing, 2646 Broad St. (423) 2664453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com Deck the Falls Ruby Falls, 1720 S. Scenic Hwy. (423) 821-2544.

Wednesday Main Street Farmers Market 4 p.m. Main St. at Williams St. www.mainstfarmersmarket.com Kwanzaa Celebration and Feast 6 p.m. Union Hill Missionary Baptist Church, 1800 N. Chamberlain Ave. (423) 624-7127.

Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. Buffalo Wild Wings, 120 Market St. (423) 634-0468. www. chattanoogatrivia.com Live Team Trivia 7:30 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043.

Member’s Choice Photographic Art Exhibit The Gallery at Blackwell, 71 Eastgate Loop.

(423) 344-5643.

“Tripple Whipple” River Gallery, 400 E. 2nd St. (423) 265-5033.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Beginner Salsa Lessons

Last chance to spice up your dance moves before New Year’s Eve. Taught by professional Carlos Colon. $20 6 – 7:30 p.m.

Bessie Smith Cultural Center, 200 E. MLK. Blvd (423) 266-8658. www.bessiesmithcc.org

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Life in the Noog

By Chuck Crowder

We Could All Use A Drink T

“Maybe our current economic situation might be helped some by the legalization and taxation of marijuana.”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website at www.thenoog.com

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wo weeks ago, we marked the 77th anniversary of the 21st Amendment to the Constitution, which repealed the 18th Amendment.

In other words, we went from manufacturing and drinking alcohol to stopping completely in 1919, and then the party started back up in 1933.

For some reason, I’ve heard a lot lately about the end of “Prohibition” even though it’s not a landmark anniversary year. I guess it’s just a slow news time or something.

To me the whole idea of Prohibition is a crazy premise that just goes to show that shoving good morals down people’s throats isn’t as easily swallowed as a smooth, refreshing cocktail. Americans at the time thought that our inebriated minds needed to sober up so that we could “make something (more) of ourselves.” What it actually achieved was a lot worse than getting hammered on a Friday night.

First and foremost, it took away a right that Americans had enjoyed since the Pilgrims landed (likely plowed) on Plymouth Rock. It was a pleasure so common that our Founding Fathers didn’t even bother including it in the Constitution right beside the right to free speech and bearing arms.

“What? If we put booze in there then we have to list everything. Forget it…and top off my toddy.”

But like what happens with many moral issues, along the line some religious fanatics decided that being drunk would get you

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

closer to a prostitute than God. So they rallied the troops and finally pressured Congress into outlawing the vile beverages that were keeping their peeps from the pews.

And they did it right after we won WWI for Pete’s sake. Let the boys celebrate the victory a little bit before proclaiming last call.

In doing so, the preachers got more than they prayed for. The Mafia all of a sudden started making loads and loads of cash in an underground market still clamoring for some hard cider. The 18th Amendment led to untaxable, unstoppable manufacturing and distribution of a once “controlled” substance that not only made organized crime a force that we still haven’t been able to tame, but took the lives of a lot of gangsters—and more importantly, innocent bystanders—in the process.

Did Prohibition stop anyone who wanted a drink from having one? No way.

Underground breweries, distilleries and even bars popped up everywhere. In fact, I read where by 1925 there were between 30,000 and 100,000 “speakeasies” in New York City alone. I’m sure the ‘noog had its fair share of them as well. I don’t think Bessie Smith sang the blues on 9th Street without some sort of bottle close by.

Speaking of which, Chattanooga had a lot of independent breweries long before Big River and the Terminal ever re-established microbreweries in our fair city. Back in the day we were home to many, including the original Chattanooga Brewing Company that was housed near the trolley barns where Big River began more than 70 years later.

In fact, due to weak or nonexistent distribution methods, most cities had their

own local breweries. As a result, I’m sure that traveling to other cities back then included the treat of discovering the tasty suds made especially for the locals. We likely wouldn’t be so hip to the simple choice of Bud, Bud Light or Miller Lite today if these breweries were still around. Budweiser even delivered cases of its frothy creations to the White House on a Clydesdale-drawn carriage upon Prohibition’s repeal in 1933. I’m sure it was a pre-emptive “thank you” for 14 years of squashing the competition for generations to come. Sad. The thing that still makes me laugh about the whole idea, however, is that the decade that saw no legalized production, ingestion or inebriation of alcohol we affectionately refer to as the “Roaring 20’s.” Are you kidding me? It took alcohol being banned for us to truly appreciate it? I’m sure that when the decade ended with the Great Depression, we immediately went from “partying like it’s 1929” to needing a drink in the worst way.

Maybe that’s when we started rethinking the ban of a beverage type whose missing tax revenues might have helped curb such a detrimental recession.

This brings me to a valid point. Maybe our current economic situation might be helped some by the legalization and taxation of marijuana. Think about it. If we were collecting taxes on another controlled substance that obviously a lot people use as regularly as toothpaste, we might be able to more easily bail out “moral” businesses that carelessly take and misuse taxpayer money—without even giving them a buzz.

In the meantime, drink up, Johnny (because you can)!

Chattanooga Street Scenes

Photography by Louis Lee An unusual look at the Market Street Bridge.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 23, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | The Pulse

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Film Feature

Portman Spreads Her Wings in Black Swan

By Phillip Johnston

Darren Aronofsky knows how to craft a

tragedy. In a relatively short career, he has demythologized illegal drugs, told a tragic love story across time and space, and given us the pure Aristotelian tragedy of Randy the Ram, a wrestler with a soft heart and a failing body. Black Swan is his latest film and a work he has said is a companion piece to The Wrestler.

Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman) is a dancer for the Metropolitan Ballet Company at Lincoln Center and has yet to get her big break, but when Beth Macintyre (a typecast Winona Ryder), the company’s poster-child, is forced by age to step into retirement, Nina gets her chance to headline in Thomas Leroy’s new production of Swan Lake.

Smooth, sly and sexually persuasive, Thomas (Vincent Cassel) has chosen to use the same dancer for The Swan Queen and The Black Swan in his production of Tchaikovsky’s timeless ballet.

Nina is chosen and Thomas’s mantra captures her motivations: “Perfection,” he says, “is not about surprising the audience, it is about letting go.” Nina is a natural at dancing The Swan Queen, but she must relinquish everything—her personality, her goals, her humanity—to embody The Black Swan to Thomas’ level of perfection.

Enter Lily (Mila Kunis), a fiercely alluring dancer from San Francisco newly added to the company

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for Swan Lake. Lily attempts to befriend Nina, but The Swan Queen can only view her with jealousy— as a threat, a precise embodiment of the dark eroticism in which she is trying to cloak herself to dance The Black Swan. And so, in the context of this charged relationship, Nina’s transformation begins.

Some will raise hackles and claim Aronofsky is on the lookout for raucous indulgence in his

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

execution of Nina’s pseudo-erotic fever dream transformation. Indeed, there is undeniable sexual intensity as The Black Swan, quite literally, rises from Nina. But rather than a simple, latent case of pubescent indulgence, I think we are seeing Aronofsky play copycat to his idols.

Nina herself bears striking resemblance to Betty Elms, the innocent starlet in search of a Hollywood career in David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive. The

Film Feature

New In Theaters

“The role demands that Portman find the terror that goes hand-in-hand with selfdiscovery and channel the overpowering horror of that self collapsing, only to be recreated yet again like The Swan Queen of Tchaikovsky’s ballet.” similarity continues as Lily in many ways reflects Mulholland's Dr.'s Rita, Betty Elms’ “lover” and alter ego. If you took those two characters and dropped them into Ingmar Bergman’s Persona and then cycled Persona through Darren Aronofsky’s psyche, you would receive a final product very similar to Black Swan.

Like Persona, this is a film rife with mirrors—both shattered and whole. An overused symbolic device in movies, for sure, but Aronofsky uses them for full effect, not just as a cop out in a scene or two. There are mirrors in every scene—in the rehearsal rooms, the dressing rooms, Nina’s apartment, bathrooms, a dance club—and they play tricks on Nina to terrifying effect all the way through her transformation.

At its height, Black Swan is the announcement of Natalie Portman as an actress of the highest caliber. For the first half of the film, even Nina’s smiles and moments of joy seem strained, but the second half is scene after scene of total disintegration.

Nina is terrified of what is going on inside of her as everything previously suppressed begins pour out uncontrollably. The role demands that Portman find the terror that goes hand-in-hand with self-discovery and channel the overpowering horror of that self collapsing, only to be recreated yet again like The Swan Queen of Tchaikovsky’s ballet.

Portman is fearless and her physically demanding performance can make

one feel taxed and exhausted.

The last act of Black Swan is the premier performance of Thomas’s production of Swan Lake. These final, almost wordless 20 minutes are pure cinema, an outbreak of the intensity built up during the first two acts, executed by a cadre of artists at the height of their craft. It is aweinspiring moviemaking.

Still, I don’t think it is simplistic to say that Black Swan can be boiled down to a cautionary tale—a parable, even—about a quest for perfection gone awry. It has a finely tuned script riddled with symbols and void of loose ends, but a film with such moments of pure catharsis as Black Swan should boast characters with more fine-tuned complexity, with struggles that carry more weight.

I walked out of The Wrestler two years ago with the tragedy of Randy the Ram coursing through my veins and written on my heart, but Black Swan seems to lack the personal touches that made The Wrestler so personal and elegiac. For all its beauty and seductive power, Aronofsky’s latest seems little more than a beautifully rendered backstage melodrama hurtling to a conclusion frightfully apparent to anyone familiar with the director’s past work.

The Black Swan Directed by Darren Aronofsky Starring Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis and Vincent Cassel Rated R Running time: 1 hour, 48 minutes

Little Fockers

The Focker and the Byrnes families brace themselves for the arrival of a baby. The third installment of the “Focker” franchise almost didn’t happen. The original script was deemed so unacceptable by Robert DeNiro that he passed on reprising his role as Jack Byrnes. The studio retrenched and pushed the film back from its original summer release date in order to rework the script enough to keep DeNiro involved. That said, one has to wonder if DeNiro’s standards are really as high as they used to be if he’s reduced to butting heads with studios over one-note slapstick comedies such as the fluff that is Little Fockers. It will likely do well at the box office—Ben Stiller does have the Midas touch of last—but one doubts it will ever end up in all the DeNiro film retrospectives that are bound to come.

Starring Ben Stiller, Robert DeNiro, Dustin Hoffman, Barbra Streisand, Owen Wilson Directed by Paul Weitz

True Grit

A young girl recruits a tough U.S. marshall to track down the man who killed her father.

How do you remake a classic western that gave John Wayne one of the most iconic characters of his lengthy career? Simple: you enlist the fraternal team of Ethan and Joel Coen to place their distinct stamp on the bounty-hunter classic. It also helps tremendously to have Jeff Bridges at his gravel-throated best inhabiting the role of Rooster Cogburn, eyepatch and all. Add in the strong work of Matt Damon and a very strong debut from newcomer Hailee Steinfeld at the center of the film, and the result is a remake that lives up to, and in some ways surpasses, the original. And who would have thought that Bridges would be featured in two major films at the same time, True Grit coming out just one week about his equally-iconic turn in TRON: Legacy.

Starring Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon, Hailee Steinfeld Directed by Ethan Coen & Joel Coen

Gulliver’s Travels

Shipwrecked travel writer Lemuel Gulliver finds himself transported to an island in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle, where he’s a giant among the natives, the Lilliputians.

Initially taken prisoner, Gulliver becomes a favorite of the court and schemes a way in which the Lilliputians can outwit their rivals, the Blefuscudians. Fresh off the animated

success of Monsters Vs. Aliens, director Rob Letterman gets big bucks from Fox to make yet another version of the classic Jonathan Swift tale known to school children for generations. And in spite of strong casting, great visual effects, and an aggressive marketing campaign, test audiences have rated the film poorly. One wonders who is going to step up and find a project that truly matches the manic intensity of Jack Black, something that really hasn’t happened since 2003’s School of Rock.

Starring Jack Black, Emily Blunt, Jason Segel Directed by Rob Letterman

Country Strong

A drama centered on a rising countrymusic songwriter who sparks with a fallen star. Together, they mount his ascent and her comeback, which leads to romantic complications involving her husband/ manager and a beauty queen-turned-singer.

It’s well known by now how star Gwyneth Paltrow learned how to play guitar in order to bring authenticity to her role, highlighted by a performance at the Country Music Association awards ceremony. What is pleasantly surprising is how much of an enjoyable–and authentic—take on the backroom machinations that surround Nashville and the country music business comes through in Country Strong. Targeted firmly at Middle America, the film knows its audience and delivers as promised.

Starring Garrett Hedlund, Gwyneth Paltrow Directed by Shana Feste

www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 23, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | The Pulse

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This week’s “Great Buy” brings to mind a statement made by William Blake: “If the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.” So remove all of your preconceived notions of what beer and champagne should be and prepare for Infinium Ale. In our Great Buys, Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks something special from the area’s largest and lowest priced selection of adult beverages from around the globe and shares it with Chattanooga’s readership of The Pulse.

Infinium Ale is an exciting new product from two of the most respected beer companies in the world and combines two different styles of brewing: the American innovation behind the Boston Beer Company and the oldworld techniques of the Bavarian Brewery Weihenstephan. The Boston Beer Company was founded in 1984 by Jim Koch, Harry Rubin and Lorenzo Lomadrid in Boston. The brewery’s flagship label, Samuel Adams, was created to honor the real Samuel Adams, the American patriot who is famous for his roles in the American Revolution and the Boston Tea Party—and who also happened to be a home brewer. Since its creation, the Boston Beer Company has become the largest Americanowned brewery in the United States.

Across the Atlantic, the Weihenstephan Abbey was once a monastery, created in 768, but by 1040, religion had changed over to brewing beer and with that early inception date, it can claim to be the oldest brewery in the world. To Europeans and serious brew enthusiasts alike, Weihenstephan Brewery produces two much-sought-after labels: a high-alcohol-content wheat beer called “Weissbier” and “Vitus”, a strong lager. Both beers are featured prominently at European beer festivals such as Oktoberfests.

It’s hard to imagine Sam Adams, the patriot who was not enthused about any type of non-American interference with his daily life, The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

partnered with Germans, but it’s 2010 and the times, well, they are a changin’. According to a survey conducted by Wakefield Research Group, 60 percent of men would rather toast the New Year with beer than champagne.

So, Infinium is just in time.

Infinium Ale is brewed with strict compliance to the Reinheitsgebot Purity Law, also known as the Bavarian or German Purity Brewing Law, which states that the only ingredients to be used in beer are water, barley and hops.

Strangely this law was repealed in 1988, but many German beers still adhere to it, claiming it as a badge of honor to be made under this original statute.

It’s believed that Napoleon once compared some German beers to champagne and it’s a little strange just how close this one actually comes. Infinium Ale comes corked in a champagne-style 750mL bottle with a label that harkens back to a turn-of-the-century magic-show advertisement.

Once poured into a glass, preferably a champagne flute, you’ll notice this beer’s bright, golden color.

Its head is light, but contains a bubble stream like, yes, once again, champagne.

This beer contains aromas of pineapple, lemon and passion fruit. Infinium Ale doesn’t have the heavy mouthful most beers of this type have. Instead, it’s medium-to-pleasant with a dry, yes, champagne-like, aftertaste.

Infinium Ale will only be available for a limited time, and is a perfect way to bring in the New Year with something different. Everyday low prices at Riley’s: $18.99 plus tax.

You could be here...

www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 23, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | The Pulse

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Free Will Astrology CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I have tracked down a formula that I think should be one of your central ongoing meditations in 2011. It’s from newsman David Brinkley: “A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.” In the coming months you will be extra smart about knowing which of these bricks to use and how exactly to position them in your foundation.

And more than that, Capricorn: You will have special insight not only about bricks that have been flung fairly recently, but also about those that have been hurled at any time in your life.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “We have to believe in free will. We have no choice.” So said author Isaac Bashevis Singer. I encourage you to adopt that puckish thought as your motto in 2011, my fellow Cancerian.

According to my reading of the astrological omens, this will be our year to supercharge our willpower and intensify our ability to carry out our plans—but always with good humor and a highly tuned sense of irony. In fact, one of the best ways to deepen our command over our own unconscious impulses and the caprices of fate will be to take ourselves—and everything else, too—less seriously.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): The city of Stockholm, Sweden consists of 14 islands that are spanned by more than 50 bridges. It’s a beautiful, clean, culturally rich place that’s ranked among the best urban centers in the world. I’m hoping that in the coming year you will develop a certain resemblance to it. With a little luck and a clear intention to forge strong new links, you will connect the many fragmented areas of your life, creating a unified network that ensures each part is humming in resonance with the whole. In fact, let’s call 2011 your Bridge-Building Year.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The coming year will be a time to think big—maybe even bigger than you’ve dared to think in over a decade. That doesn’t mean you should be rash, reckless, or unrealistic. On the contrary.

Your expansive dreams should be carefully wrought and anchored in a detailed understanding of how things actually work. As an example of what not to do, learn from Snoop Dog. The rapper wanted to rent all 62 square miles of the small European nation of Liechtenstein so he could film his music video there.

Liechtenstein authorities turned him down, but only because his team didn’t ask far enough in advance.

Had he been better organized, the whole country could have been his.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): At age 19, I wanted to be a poet when I grew up. My goal was to write a poem every day forever. And yet I had almost no ambition to get published. I was satisfied to bask in the ecstatic epiphany that accompanied each fresh poetic eruption. Then one day I was browsing in a bookshop and saw a flyer for a big upcoming poetry reading. It included every major poet in my then-hometown of Santa Cruz—except me. I was shocked and hurt. Why was I left out? Eventually I realized it was because all the other poets listed had written a book. From that moment on I was obsessively driven to publish my own tome. A year later, after much hard work, it came to pass. I would love to see you experience a similar wake-up call in 2011, Pisces: a friendly jolt that motivates you to rise to the next level.

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “There’s always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in,” wrote novelist Graham Greene. I’ll add to that: There are at least three moments in adulthood when a new door opens and invites the rest of the future in. Judging by the astrological omens, I’m guessing that one such breakthrough lies ahead for you in 2011. What can you do to expedite and encourage fate’s summons? Here’s one possibility: Surrender to the naked truth of what you love.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If oil companies were given permission to sink their drilling rigs into the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, the petroleum they produced would ultimately lower gasoline prices by four cents per gallon. To my mind, that’s not a good trade-off. Let this scenario serve as a cautionary metaphor for you in 2011, Taurus. Don’t share your pristine wilderness or soulful beauty with exploitative types who offer iffy rewards. Instead, hold out for those who appreciate you profoundly and whose own gifts help you to thrive.

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GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Freud said that among all human endeavors, there were three “impossible professions” that inevitably yielded unsatisfying results. They were child-rearing, the governing of nations, and psychoanalysis. My own experiences don’t entirely confirm this. My parents raised me pretty well and I’ve given my daughter a decent upbringing. Of the nine psychotherapists I’ve consulted in my life, two were excellent healers and none were damaging. But even those relatively winning projects were sometimes fraught with unsolvable riddles, chronic frustrations, and maddening uncertainties. I bring this up, Gemini, because I think 2011 will be a time when you will generate far more gratification and success than usual in your own versions of “impossible professions.”

Unsolvable riddles, chronic frustrations, and maddening uncertainties won’t be completely absent, but they could very well be at an all-time low.

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

By Rob Brezsny

Truthrooster@gmail.com

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): An Oregon man named Don Wesson stopped his truck by the side of the road and took home a 40-pound rock that caught his eye.

That was more than a decade ago. For years he used it as part of a border to prevent his dog from messing up his garden. Then he saw a TV show about meteorites and brought the rock to scientists. They told him it was a 4.5 billion-year-old meteorite that fell to earth long ago and originally came from the asteroid belt. Other experts told him he could probably sell the exotic artifact for as much as $40,000. I predict a metaphorically similar development in your life during the coming year: the discovery of a valuable old thing from far away that you will underestimate at first.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Richard Grossinger is my friend, my teacher, and the brilliant author of numerous books. (His latest is called 2013.) He is also a humble adept in the high art of gratitude. On his website, he has a page devoted to expressing vivid appreciation for the 71 best teachers of his life. (bit. ly/YourTeachers) His testimony is a riveting and touching reminder of how each of us is a creation of all the important people we’ve loved and hated.

Compiling such a list should, I think, be a rite of passage for anyone who aspires to be an authentic human being. There will never be a better time than 2011 for you to do this work yourself, Libra.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Just when I found out the meaning of life,” said comedian George Carlin, “they changed it.” I’m hoping that will be one of your top inspirational jokes in 2011, Scorpio. If all goes well, you will no longer be content with all your previous answers to the question “What is the meaning of life?”—either because “they changed it,” as Carlin suggested, or because it’s no longer interesting or useful to you. This is very good news, in my opinion. You will have the invigorating privilege of going off in search of fresh answers to the riddle of the ages!

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The United Nations has declared that 2011 will be the International Year of Chemistry—a time to honor the role chemistry plays in our lives. Meanwhile, you Sagittarians will be celebrating your own personal Year of Chemistry, although in a different sense of the word -- the sense that means natural attraction, spontaneous connection, intuitive allure, and uncanny synchronicity. Don’t let this abundance of grace make you overconfident, and don’t just sit back and let it run wild. Be a master chemist intent on rigorously cultivating the very best experiments.

Across 1 Bullets 5 Quiet assassin 10 Bucket of chicken piece 14 Short Tim Conway character in sportsthemed videos 15 Dances at weddings 16 ___-Day vitamins 17 Undulating dance 18 Athlete’s superstitious footwear from Reagan and Clinton?

20 New Mexico or Colorado county 22 Grand ___ Opry 23 Former South Korean president ___ Tae-woo 24 Board game partner from Nixon and Clinton?

29 How the apathetic feel 30 “I hate ___ to pieces!”

(Mr. Jinks catchphrase) 33 Major school of Buddhism 37 Pi, for instance 38 Bust ___ (laugh really hard)

39 Dumb male hunk from LBJ and Obama?

42 Poi base 43 Charlotte ___ (clothing store) 45 Handout at the doctor’s office 47 Does some tailoring 49 “Deal ___ Deal” 50 Pasta-corn concoction from Kennedy and Carter?

56 “Takin’ Care of Business” group, to fans 58 Direction opposite WSW 59 Response to “Swiper, no swiping!” on “Dora the Explorer” 60 Park worker’s hangout for Bush Sr. and Bush Jr.?

65 “___ Rock” (Simon & Garfunkel song) 66 Neighborhood 67 Couples, in the tabloids 68 Cub or Card, for short 69 A long time to wait 70 Oklahoma tribe

–livin' in the White House.

71 “What ___ is there?”

Down 1 Improvised, like a committee 2 Roof location 3 1957 hit by The Bobbettes 4 Joan ___ 5 Home of the Penguins 6 Debt voucher 7 Govt. agency that oversees reactors 8 One of the Brothers Grimm 9 It may be sought 10 Do some courting 11 How some tableware is created or etched 12 “Hold On, Hold On” singer Case 13 Deep cut 19 Passover feast 21 “___ me” (“I’m fine with it”) 25 “In the Valley of ___” (2007 Tommy Lee Jones film) 26 Rajah’s wife 27 It’ll all come out in the wash

28 Companion of taxes 31 Dublin’s land 32 Chimney sweep grime 33 Johnny formerly of The Smiths 34 Chills and fever 35 Bribery of sorts 36 In a daze 40 Home with hay bales 41 Defunct science magazine 44 Pageant host 46 Comic strip possum 48 Company behind Hello Kitty 51 Takes five 52 River that starts in the Swiss Alps 53 “___ thumbs...”

54 Pacifies 55 Rimshot need 56 “Ratatouille” director Bird 57 “American Pie” actress Reid 61 Stove fuel 62 Princess’s problem 63 Astonished text 64 Mao ___-tung

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0499.

Solution To Last Week’s Crossword

JONESIN’

“Prez Pet Parade”

Crossword solutions every week at www.chattanoogapulse.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 23, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | The Pulse

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Ask A Mexican

By Gustavo Arellano

Special Navidad Edition

“It always amazes the Mexican that, even in this Great Recession, his out-of-work papi will still ask us kids for used clothes and shoes so he can gather and deliver to orphanages in Tijuana.”

Have a question? Ask the Mexican at themexican@askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

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Dear Mexican, I live in a moderately fancy-ass suburb of Dallas, am super-white, and make decent money. Naturally, I have a Mexican gardener/lawn dude who works his ass off, has 14 brothers and sisters in Guanajuato, employs all his relatives, etc. He also has a sweet wife and three little boys. He does extra landscaping, and I pay him whatever he asks. At this stage in life, I have lots of extra stuff—household items, dishes, clothes, toys (my three boys are older) and stuff you’d put on a garage sale, except I don’t do garage sales. What’s a tactful way to say, “I have a load of my used crap and you’re welcome to take it if you want?”

I did give him my 1993 Ford Taurus with 180,000 miles on it a year ago, which he liked, and give his boys new toys every Christmas.

However, I grew up poor on a farm up north and the lessons pounded into me by the Lutheran Church say to give to those you know can use it. Is it racist to think that if he can’t use it, somebody in the extended family will?

I don’t want to offend him. (The fact that he is super-hot has no bearing on this question.

Really.) What should I do?

— Dumb Scandinavian-American Chica Dear Gabacha, The tactful way to handle your situación is by asking your Mexi if he knows anyone who needs any of your items. Detail exactly what’s available and what’s not, and stress that what’s available can go to anyone. Your gardener, if he’s a good Mexican—and by your account, he is—will let you know what he and his family needs, and take it.

He’ll probably take any remaining items as

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | December 23, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

well, but give them to poorer Mexicans in Guanajuato when he goes back home for the holidays. The lessons pounded into us by the Catholic Church say to give to those less fortunate than you (ah, the Roman-Lutheran divide between charity and utilitarianism!), and it always amazes the Mexican that, even in this Great Recession, his out-of-work papi will still ask us kids for used clothes and shoes so he can gather and deliver to orphanages in Tijuana. That, America, is your Mexican invaders, not the leeches of your fevered imagination.

Dear Mexican, Okay, hombre: maybe you can help me out. My gabacho boyfriend spent Christmas with mi familia this year. Two days later, he mailed off wonderfully witty and gracious “Thank You” cards to everyone for their gifts and hospitality. My gabacho has manners, ¿sí? Well, upon asking me more than a couple of times about these cards, it struck me that he was, perhaps, waiting for “Thank You” cards from us, or perhaps wondering why I had not mailed any to his family. I told him Mexicans don’t do that. At least I’ve never gotten a “Thank You” card in the mail (for anything other than wedding gifts) from anyone with a Z at the end of their names.

Am I wrong in my overgeneralization? Is it all of us, or just my family, that needs a lesson from Señora Manners?

— La Bella sin Gracias Dear Beauty without Thanks, What a good gabacho you have! But you’re right: Mexicans traditionally don’t send out

gracias cards. The only cards we traditionally send out are arabesque invitations for weddings, quinceañeras, and baptisms listing a million padrinos and enough vellum paper to cover the Templo Mayor.

GOOD MEXICANS OF THE WEEK! My readers (and for the purposes of this gracias note, “Mexicans” is expanded to include all races—even Guatemalans!). Gracias for the notes, the letters, the rants, and remember to give the gift of my ¡Ask a Mexican!

Orange County: A Personal History books this Navidad! Shameless plug aside, I do want to thank all of ustedes—los buenos, the Know Nothings, even the Guatemalans—for making this columna such a damn pleasure to write. Onward to 2011 and the final stage of the Reconquista!

www.chattanoogapulse.com | December 23, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 51 | The Pulse

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