The Pulse - Vol. 7, Issue 20

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

FREE • News, Views, Music, Film, Arts & Entertainment • May 20, 2010 • Volume 7, Issue 20 • www.chattanoogapulse.com

President Jim Brewer, II Publisher Zachary Cooper Contributing Editor Janis Hashe News Editor / Art Director Gary Poole Advertising Manager Rhonda Rollins Advertising Sales Rick Leavell, Leif Sawyer, Townes Webb Graphic Design Jennifer Grelier Staff Photographer Louis Lee Contributing Writers Gustavo Arellano, Rob Brezsny Chuck Crowder, Michael Crumb Joshua Hurley, Matt Jones Phillip Johnston, Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Alex Teach, Colleen Wade Editorial Cartoonist Rick Baldwin Calendar Editor Kathryn Dunn Editorial Interns Elana Acosta, Ashley Miller Copy Assistant Bryanna Burns Videography Josh Lang Contact Info: Phone (423) 648-7857 Fax (423) 648-7860 info@chattanoogapulse.com Calendar Submissions calendar@chattanoogapulse.com The Pulse is published weekly and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publishers may take more than one copy per weekly issue.

The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors.

The Pulse is published by

Brewer Media Group 1305 Carter Street Chattanooga, Tennessee 37402 Letters to the editor must include name, address and daytime phone number for verification. The Pulse reserves the right to edit letters for space and clarity. Please keep letters within 500 words in length.

20 2010

cover story

C

ontents

ee w xt ne

Chattanooga’s Weekly Alternative

AL IN se NU ER Y Pul AN MM CIT he T SU THE k in

MAY

11 ON THE RECORD WITH PETER MURPHY

By Gary Poole While it is a well-known truism that “all politics is local”, more often than not it’s the national political stories that grab the attention and dominate conversation at work and at home. Yet, the average resident of Chattanooga is far more affected by local political decisions than most of what comes out of Nashville or Washington, D.C.

feature stories 16 NIGHT MUST FALL

By Janis Hashe Chattanooga music fans heaved a large sigh of relief when it was announced that despite the dismantling of the Downtown Partnership, Nightfall would continue. Now under the auspices of the newly formed Chattanooga Presents, the free Friday concerts continue.

22 RAW RENEWAL

By Michael Crumb Raw Sushi Bar has been transformed since owner Jim Striker hired Robin Tchoe to reconceptualize the space. Tchoe (pronounced “che”) has both redesigned the color tones of the interior and produced a number of paintings to enliven that interior.

28 ROBIN HOODWINKED

By Phillip Johnston This is a film more about the presence of Russell Crowe than the heroism of Robin Hood. It banks on Crowe’s history as an actor in an attempt to make itself interesting.

news & views 5 6 9 20 30 34

PULSE BEATS BEYOND THE HEADLINES SHRINK RAP LIFE IN THE NOOG ON THE BEAT ASK A MEXICAN

everything else 4 5 7 7 17 18 23 27 27 29 32 33

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR CITY COUNCILSCOPE POLICE BLOTTER THE LIST NEW MUSIC REVIEWS MUSIC CALENDAR A&E CALENDAR FREE WILL ASTROLOGY JONESIN’ CROSSWORD NEW IN THEATERS SPIRITS WITHIN DINING OUT SPOTLIGHT

Letters to the Editor Chattanooga Authors Thanks to Cody Maxwell for giving recognition to some of Chattanooga’s great underappreciated writers. Any such article is necessarily incomplete, since there are many more wordsmiths than space permits mentioning. I hope to see more in the Pulse about Chattanooga’s writers, whether they are established authors with accolades, or virtual unknowns just entering the literary scene.

Ray Zimmerman

the poetry listings. Rhyme-N-Chatt does not meet at the Mudpie on Mondays.

The open mic, which I host, is called The Speakeasy, and is free and open to everyone. Also, we get started around 8:30 p.m. as opposed to the 7 p.m. listing.

I usually put the list out about 8 p.m.

Christian J. Collier

Thanks for your recognition of Chattanooga writers and especially the Chattanooga Writers Guild. I joined a few years ago when I returned to writing, and with this diverse, supportive, lively group, no writer in our area need feel alone.

Karen H. Phillips

Towing Issues I was towed recently from a gas station on Market Street to a towing lot across the street! 50 feet away, at the most. My car had not been towed more than two hours when I went to get it back the same day. The bill? $400. Cash only, of course.

While some towing companies run honest businesses and help many people out of jams, some of them are nothing more than shallow thieves and I hope the courts deal with them as such.

Daniel Maxwell

Poetry Readings I have a quick correction about one of

Fairmount Housing At last the Battle of Fairmount

Hill is over. So much sound and fury over a development that has been in place longer than many of the current homeowners surrounding the embattled public housing complex. I hope the revised plan results in decent and affordable housing in an area that has been subject to escalating home prices.

That is what modern diversified housing plans are supposed to accomplish.

Felix Miller

Send all letters to the editor and questions to info@chattanoogapulse.com We reserve the right to edit letters for content and space. Please include your full name, city and contact information.

4

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Pulse Beats

Quote Of The Week:

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious...

“Congress has gone too far in infringing upon individuals’ rights by imposing burdensome regulations on all Americans.”

—Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue, upon joining with 19 other states in a lawsuit challenging the legality of the recently passed federal health care insurance reform legislation by Congress.

ACT-SO Winners Move On to Nationals The Chattanooga Hamilton County Branch of the NAACP has four gold medal winners from the 8th annual local ACT-SO competition: Richarra Hardaway (Center for Creative Arts), Contemporary Vocal, Jasmine Daniels (Center for Creative Arts), Classical Vocal, Cordell Paruchuri (Brainerd High School), Poetry and Dakari Kelly (Center for Creative Arts), Instrumental Classical. Kelly is the branch’s first gold winner in the instrumental classical category.

The four will represent Chattanooga at the National ACT-SO Competition in Kansas City Missouri in July.

Silver and bronze medal winners received cash awards during the Awards Banquet held after the competition on April 24. They were Ayanna Woodward (Center for Creative Arts), Bronze Medal in Poetry; Brianna Williams (Chattanooga School of Arts & Sciences), Silver in Original Essay; Music Vocal Contemporary Silver Jasmine Daniels, and Music Vocal Contemporary Brianna Williams.

ACT-SO is an acronym for Afro Academic Cultural Technological Science Olympics, a free competition for youth who aspire to be painters, musicians, scientists, architects, playwrights, orators, and entrepreneurs. ACT-SO celebrates talented teens and provides opportunities for them to meet other talented youth who have similar aspirations from all over the United States. The ACT-SO program is sponsored by the Hamilton County Branch of the NAACP. This year’s national competition is estimated to have more than 5,000 participants. Winners at the national competition win laptops, scholarships, and other opportunities. In the last three years, Chattanooga’s ACT-SO program has brought back three national medals.

Here is one of the more interesting agenda items set to be discussed at the Tuesday, May 25 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council.

Pix for Parks Photography Contest Chattanoogan nature lovers and photographers: Get ready to point and shoot. Canon U.S.A., wants camera buffs to acknowledge the beauty of nature and explore photography by participating in its fifth annual Canon in the Parks Photo Contest. From May 17 to September 30, 2010, contestants will have the opportunity to submit their best “Nature” image—the theme for this year’s contest. Participants compete in two divisions; Teen, for entrants ages 13-17 and Adult, for entrants ages 18 and older.

All applicants from the teen and adult divisions will be able to submit their photos through the contest page at the Canon Digital Learning Center web site: www.usa.canon.com/parks.

To qualify, submitted photos must be taken at a park or monument in the United States. After entering their photos, entrants will have the chance to forward an e-postcard of their submitted images to friends and family as a fun way of sharing their artistic talents.

The winning photographers from each division will be announced in December and will be awarded with some of Canon’s latest photography equipment. Along with receiving Canon products, the Grand Prize winner will also receive a trip to a U.S. national park of his or her choice, within the lower 48 states. To highlight the creative experience, all winning images and honorable mentions will be displayed on the Canon Digital Learning Center.

To increase the buzz and excitement of this year’s program, Canon will also create a Canon in the Parks Facebook page. The Facebook page will give information on the workshops and photo tips from Canon’s acclaimed Explorers of Light photographers. For information and schedule of workshops, please visit www.usa.canon.com/parks.

7. Resolutions: j) A resolution authorizing the Mayor to conduct continuing fundraising and solicitation efforts to support Go!Fest hosted by the Chattanooga Zoo on October 2, 2010, for people of all abilities. The project cost is $8,000.00.

If you haven’t been to the Chattanooga Zoo in a while, you might not even recognize the place. A major expansion and facelift, combined with new animals and some successful breeding programs (there are few things cuter than baby Cotton-Top Tamarins) have turned the zoo into something the entire city can be proud of.

And while Go!Fest is a major event, we encourage everyone to make time this year to visit the zoo and see the fantastic work the entire staff and zoo supporters have accomplished over the past several years.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on the agenda and minutes from past meetings, visit www.

Chattanooga.gov/City_Council/110_Agenda.asp

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

5

Beyond The Headlines

By Zachary Cooper

Thank You and Good Night, Mr. Lupton T

he passing of Jack Lupton, without a doubt this city’s greatest supporter and champion, has now had time to sink into the minds of the many people he worked with.

I never formally met him, but when I take time to analyze how he, his family and his foundation’s legacy have impacted my personal and professional life, I’m aware what an important person he was to me.

I moved here in late 1979 with my mother, sister and brother. In 1980, my mother took a job cleaning an office building on 3rd Street near Erlanger. We always went with my mother on that job and cleaned right along with her. My mom wasn’t able to clean that entire building solo, and besides that, we couldn’t afford to spend any money on childcare. So, I was 10 years old and coming downtown for janitorial duties six days a week.

My brother and I eventually took that job on ourselves at the ages of 14 and 16, after my mother got an office job. (I’m sure the statute of limitations is up on any child labor law violations).

As a result of those years of cleaning toilets and sweeping parking lots as a kid in a very different downtown, I have realized that I now live in a different city—without ever having to move. I remember driving through downtown at “rush hour” to get to the job. We were always going in the wrong direction. As everyone was fleeing downtown to get to the refuge of the suburbs, we were driving into the post-apocalyptic landscape. Spots of activity were there. I always remember the cool kids who were hanging outside the Nucleus, a refuge of live music junkies and

punks. Many of them were squatting in empty buildings all over the center of downtown.

Around the time I began attending UTC, they broke ground on Jack Lupton’s “big idea” of an aquarium. I was a skeptic on the idea, for sure. I just didn’t have the vision that Jack Lupton and others clearly had. The jury of history is in: My skepticism and that of many others has been proven wrong. That project was the seed that has spawned an entire urban renaissance.

That same urban renaissance is a major contributor to the publication you’re reading now—and part of the reason for its existence. The expansion of our arts community, the retail and dining establishments that have become attractive attributes were built, enhanced and improved because of the transforming vision of Jack Lupton. All of these were contributing factors in the decision my partner Michael Kull and I made when we thought the city was ready for what we had in mind.

We took advantage of the momentum by creating a true alternative weekly newspaper.

The cover story of the first issue of The Pulse on December 3, 2003 was about a building on Main Street.

The headline was “The Battle for East Main Street”.

We highlighted a group of architects who had plans for an old warehouse space. That building is now completely re-created, with meeting facilities (The Mill), and loft offices (Tub Atomic Web Studios). That story was about the idea of revitalizing the entire Main Street district more than it was about a single building. Jack Lupton left his indelible mark there with the work of the Lyndhurst Foundation—just as he did on so many other places in

“I have to acknowledge and give thanks to Jack Lupton for giving a kid sweeping a parking lot on 3rd Street so much to look forward to— even if I didn’t know it then.”

6

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

this city.

And so, his work has shaped so much of what we have been able to accomplish with this publication. Would there be enough of what is needed to fuel our pages if it were not for his dedication to revitalization? I’m not certain, but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to live that alternate history. And when it comes to everyday life, I have to acknowledge and give thanks to Jack Lupton for giving a kid sweeping a parking lot on 3rd Street so much to look forward to—even if I didn’t know it then.

A weekly roundup of the newsworthy, notable and often head-scratching stories gleaned from police reports from the Chattanooga Police Department, the Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office, the Bradley County Sheriff’s Department and the Dalton Police Department.

• Less than a week after the Chattanooga City Council approved a new towing ordinance, the owner of a local towing company is facing a new felony charge. The owner is facing charges of vandalism and unauthorized towing. He is accused of towing a vehicle without authorization from law enforcement or the owner of the private property where the car was parked. In the process, the car suffered damage in excess of $1,000. To make matters worse, neither the owner nor his company have paid for the damage to the car or reimbursed the owner for the unauthorized towing fee.

• Setting your ex-boyfriend’s mattress on fire is not a recommended way to express your displeasure with the end of a relationship. Yet that is exactly what a 17-year-old juvenile is accused of doing at the Cyprus Street Courts housing project. The teenage girl apparently got into a fight with her boyfriend and threatened to burn up all of his possessions. Fortunately, a maintenance man was nearby. He reportedly heard the two individuals shouting at each other and then saw the girl setting the fire. The

maintenance man quickly ran to the apartment and pulled the burning mattress out of the building.

The fire damage was limited to the mattress and no one was injured. The teen has been charged with aggravated arson because other residents were in the building and the fire endangered all their lives.

• What does it take to get banned from a public library? Apparently making motions akin to shooting a gun at library staff after being asked to leave for inappropriate behavior is one way to do it, as a woman discovered last week. The woman was asked to leave the Bicentennial Library on Broad Street, and is no longer welcome in the building after the shooting-motion incident. Police interviewed the woman and informed her that she was no longer welcome at the library.

• And this week’s “Not A Good Idea” story comes from a Georgia Avenue homeowner who learned the hard way

The List Top Six Martial Arts For Self-Defense 1. Krav Maga—Israel’s national martial art, dedicated to no-holdsbarred incapacitation for the purpose of street survival.

that locked doors are not always a bar to entry. Especially when the homeowner in question leaves a key to the back door underneath the front porch welcome mat. The homeowner discovered the hard way that someone else had located the key when she returned home to find her doors unlocked and her laptop computer, a digital camera and three rings missing from the house. While we have empathy for anyone who is victim of a burglary, we cannot stress enough that being smart goes a long way in avoiding being a crime victim. Leaving keys under mats, rocks or anyone where an industrious burglar can find them is akin to leaving a “Thieves Welcome” sign in the front window.

2. Keysi Fighting Method—As seen in Chris Nolan’s “Batman” films, fast-paced, close-quarters combat using fists, head, knees, and especially the elbows.

3. Brazilian Jiu-jitsu—Hybrid style that mixes jiu-jitsu’s standing throws and strikes with ground fighting.

4. Western Boxing—One solid punch by a well-trained boxer can end any fight quickly.

5. Jeet Kune Do—Bruce Lee envisioned this “a style without style”.

6. Wing Chun—A variant of kung fu, taught to Bruce Lee before he abandoned is as “too slow”.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

7

Chattanooga Street Scenes

8

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Photography by Louis Lee

“Pardon me boy...”

Shrink Rap

By Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D

Where Do You Want to Go In Life?

A

s you know, I’ve recently gone on vacation. I headed to the beach—always wonderful therapy for me. This is my solace, my little slice of the Divine, an opportunity to exhale, and the beach has always been this for me ever since I was a kid. Now in adulthood, of course, the need for reflection and introspection takes on a much deeper level of importance.

This year, a friend gave me as a birthday present a CD of the lecture “The Great Unknown” by English author, poet, and lecturer David Whyte. What a gift! On the long drive to and from the coast, I was able to listen to this lecture, and it was so dense with inspiration I knew I would want to share some of his thoughts and philosophies with you in this column.

He poses many questions, and this column, in its usual spirit of questioning one’s own life on the journey to selfawareness, is all about ponderings and questions…and no answers. And if you’re a regular Shrink Rapper you know: Isn’t that the whole point? The answers are yours to discover, not someone else’s to give you. Living a truly authentic life demands that you listen and respect YOUR answers, not your father’s or your partner’s or your children’s, but yours.

In his lecture Whyte defines courage as the ability to cultivate a relationship with the unknown, to engage in conversation with those things that have not yet fully

come to be. The first questions to arise may be, “How can I be sure there will be safety there … how can I be sure there will be love there?” And of course, you can’t.

The question then becomes, “How will your courage appear?” Will you take the courageous step when all the conditions are “perfect?” When the boss gives you time off, the kids are out of college, the house is paid off? THEN you’ll take the courageous step in life that you’ve been dreaming about? The step into the life you can actually call your own? The catch of course, is that perfection of conditions never occurs. And if you’re honest, you already knew that.

In La Comedia Divina (The Divine Comedy), Dante wrote, “In the middle of the road of my life I walk in the dark wood.”

Whyte states in one of his poems, “Sometimes it takes darkness, the sweet confinement of your aloneness, to learn that anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.”

Going for a walk, just getting out, getting to a place of spaciousness is a way to move outside our current reality, outside our door, and begins a conversation with that which is greater than we are. It is an attempt, a coping, a way to feel the freedom that we yearn to feel. A way, indeed, to feel alive and connected with freedom. Is it the sea? No. But it’s that same yearning. (As I write this I am gazing out the large window in my den at the woods beyond. The wind is blowing, the sun is setting beyond the Ridge, and the experience is absolutely one

of connectedness with a slice of the Divine.)

Other questions: Do we carry our responsibilities as weights and as burdens, or as joys? Is life filled with “have to do’s” or “want to do’s?” Are you keeping up with your own frenetic pace? Can others around you keep up this same pace? Do you find yourself impatient, lacking in tolerance and generosity when they cannot? Who would you be if you stopped?

From Whyte: “The antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest. The antidote to exhaustion is sometimes whole-heartedness. The reason you’re so exhausted is that much of what you’re doing you have no affection for. Your affections lay elsewhere. You’re doing it because you have an abstract idea that this is what you should be doing.”

So where do your loves lie? What are your interests and desires? I invite you to write out the job description of your life. Not the job description of your employment…the description of your life.

What are your duties, skills, obligations— and how closely do they match what is in your heart? How much does your life’s job description exhaust you—and to what extent does it enrich and fulfill you? Truly fulfill…fill you to fullness.

The point: To find the courage to explore and tour beyond your current life. More to come.

Until next time: “Give wine, give bread, give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, who knows you by heart.” — David Whyte

“Whyte states in one of his poems, ‘Sometimes it takes darkness, the sweet confinement of your aloneness, to learn that anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.’”

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his new wellness center, Well Nest, at www.WellNestChattanooga.com, and his website at www.DrRPH.com.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

9

10

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Cover Story

On The Record With Peter Murphy

By Gary Poole

“We definitely do

not want to be in the business of deciding which events are good events and which are bad events. What we want are safe events, responsibly conducted.”

While it is a well-known truism that

“all politics is local”, more often than not it’s the national political stories that grab the attention and dominate conversation at work and at home. Yet, the average resident of Chattanooga is far more affected by local political decisions than most of what comes out of Nashville or Washington, D.C. Decisions about how many police and firefighters we will have, which roads get repaired or widened, whether or not we’ll have an Independence Day celebration in Coolidge Park—these are the exact issues facing the City Council every week.

And as the weather heats up, moving towards another sticky summer in Chattanooga, so do a number of political issues confronting the nine members who have been selected by the voters to guide the future of our fair city. Among those is Peter

Murphy, who is one of a wave of new faces on the council.

Elected two years ago to represent District 9, which encompasses Amnicola, Bushtown, portions of East Chattanooga, Eastdale, Glenwood, Highland Park and a good chunk of Missionary Ridge, Murphy garnered attention not only by being the secondyoungest person ever elected to the council, but also by bringing a strong legal mind to the group.

A practicing attorney, Murphy oversees one of the council’s most active committees, the Legal & Legislative Committee. This group oversees a wide range of proposed ordinances and resolutions, as well as reviewing the legal aspects of city government. Because of this, The Pulse’s News Editor Gary Poole sat down with Murphy for a wide-ranging discussion on a number of hot-button issues. www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

11

Cover Story Gary Poole: First of all, let’s talk about pop-up parties. There’s been a lot of controversy about what it is the city actually plans to do to try and regulate these parties.

Peter Murphy: The problem with many of them is that they have inadequate security because they are not being professionally organized.

As a result, you often have these events with zero security and 200 to 300 attendees at what amounts to a dance party.

People aren’t used to what amounts to a nightclub functioning in that location, so they call the police in who try to disperse the crowd. Many people don’t disperse; they linger around, so police have to bring in a lot of officers.

This leaves very significant areas of our city without the patrol and protection they need. Some of these events have ended in violence, shootings, stabbings. And that’s what we don’t want to have happen.

GP: Is there a concern amongst the council and law enforcement that the pop-up parties are getting out of hand?

PM: When these events are scheduled at a location that isn’t designed for that capacity, or for that use, you have a very real and present danger.

For example, if a gun were to be fired or a fire to break out and you have way more people in a space that may have only one exit, you would have a very real risk of stampede, crush and a mob attempt to

12

exit.

That is a problem we haven’t seen here yet, but if it happened it’s likely to result in extremely serious injuries at the minimum and potentially deaths by the handful.

GP: What is the council doing to come up with a solution to this problem?

PM: I can only speak for myself, but what I think we will do is require a permit that requires a security plan by a licensed security company. It’s not enough for someone to say, “Well, I’m going to hire some of my friends who are six feet tall and 280 pounds to do security.”

The next question would be has the facility gotten a certificate of occupancy from the fire department

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

for this purpose? And if it hasn’t, then it probably needs to be looked at by the fire marshall. And if it’s not adequate to hold a large party safely, maybe you need to scale down the size of your party or find a different venue. It’s all about safety.

GP: We’ve identified the type of problem you are trying to fix, but there is concern that some of the proposals are too broad based and would affect more than just pop-up parties.

PM: I’m having the city attorney do some research, because originally the time selected was if the event went past 11 p.m. I asked if we could pull some data on these events getting out of hand and what is the time we should be targeting. An 11 p.m. limit would eliminate most functions that happen [from being affected by a new ordinance]. I don’t think it would pose too many problems.

GP: Who would be in charge of issuing the permits and who would make the final decision?

PM: The current draft says the office of the city attorney. The draft also talks about the city attorney if they decline a permit, stating specifically the reasons for the declination and filing a lawsuit within five days for declaratory judgment on the decision to grant or not grant the permit.

This is not designed to deny permits, and in fact the current language says the permit shall be issued if the requirements are met. We definitely do not

Cover Story “Last year I begged, pleaded and debated for a police cadet academy but couldn’t get enough support on the council to make it happen. This year, I have yet to hear any councilperson speak against the idea for two cadet academies.” want to be in the business of deciding which events are good events and which are bad events. What we want are safe events, responsibly conducted.

GP: What would prevent someone from just bypassing the permit process and holding an event anyway, since there is a maximum statemandated fine of just $50 for such infractions?

PM: Most of the pop-up parties that we are looking to address run into the wee hours of the night. The party ending at 11 p.m. is not a good business model. Very often people aren’t even getting there until 11 p.m. or later, so if they try to throw a party without a permit and we disperse the party at 11 p.m. and then have one police officer in a patrol car turning people away…that’s not going to be good for their business.

GP: The next big political issue coming up before the council is the review process for the new city budget. As we are pretty much at a bare-bones budget this year, and there has been a lot of talk about spending increases for fire and police protection, is it inevitable that we are looking at a tax increase?

PM: I would be surprised if the mayor has cut spending enough in other areas to pay for 50 additional police officers.

Last year I begged, pleaded and debated for a police cadet academy

but couldn’t get enough support on the council to make it happen.

This year, I have yet to hear any councilperson speak against the idea for two cadet academies. So, yeah, I do believe there is going to be a property-tax increase of some sort.

GP: How much of an increase are we talking about?

PM: I would prefer it to be as small as possible for us to do just the essentials that we need to do. This is not a good time to raise taxes.

While the economy is coming out of the Great Recession, government receivables lag behind downturns by about a year or two. So even as our employment figures improve here in the city, as our economic growth in the city is improving, the budget scenario will actually be darker for a year or two.

So I would hope that if there is a tax increase, that it would be just enough to cover what needs to be done this year. Because I believe in following years we’ll see the tax base grow, that we’ll see the return of sales tax revenue, and we’ll be in a better position.

GP: And at the same time as we are dealing with another very tight budget, the city had embarked on a plan of annexation growth. One of the major complaints by people opposed to annexation is that the city cannot afford right now to bring in any new areas. www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

13

Cover Story “I do believe there is a pressure to avoid putting the jail over capacity, a pressure to avoid fully utilizing all the beds at Silverdale. Jonathon Lawrence paid for that with his life.”

PM: The costs of services to many of these areas is minimal. The most notable costs for expanded services are the areas around Enterprise South where people are pointing to the fact that we are building a new fire station.

The fire station was going to go up anyway, regardless of whether the annexation went through or not.

GP: How do you respond to those who have been against annexation?

PM: One of the interesting things is that folks that would come to annexation hearings or write letters to us would say is that they love everything that Chattanooga has, that they work downtown, they come down to Nightfall, the walk the Riverwalk, the city is just wonderful so why are we trying to ruin it for them by bringing them into the city.

The irony of the statement is they do everything that city taxpayers have provided for them and they don’t pay for it. They don’t pay their fair share. When you have a subdivision of McMansions that has been strategically built on the other side of the city line, and all of those folks really enjoy the great work we’ve done here in the city, and then they yelp when asked to pay for it, it just rings very hollow.

GP: One area of increased expense to the city, both with annexation and with the fact the department is already understaffed, is the police department. As a way to cut expenses, the mayor has proposed consolidating the department by

14

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

merging it with the sheriff ’s office.

Where do you stand on this issue?

PM: We don’t need to look any further than Sheriff Hammond’s predecessor to see that simply holding POST certification and the ability to win a county-wide election does not, as Billy Long taught us, qualify you to run a large and complex law enforcement agency. I have nothing against Sheriff Hammond. I think he is a good person. But he’s up for election. He’s not guaranteed to win. We’re going to turn the police department over to the sheriff when we don’t even know for certain who the next sheriff will be? That seems short-sighted, at its most charitable.

GP: How so?

PM: We can’t hand the police department over to an elected official for management. It’s too important that it be professionally run. I don’t support it, I don’t think many people on the council support it, and from what I’ve heard I don’t think many of the county commissioners support it.

I don’t think it’s something we need to spend a lot of time thinking about.

GP: Moving on then, at the request of the city council, the state legislature recently passed a bill that would allow alcohol to be sold at the Tivoli Theater and Memorial Auditorium. Why this change after all the years of no alcohol sales?

PM: We were presented numbers that showed our concession revenues from both facilities were less than $100,000 a year, while revenue from

Cover Story a facility similar to Memorial in Knoxville that did sell beer and wine was over $400,000. We put more than $750,000 in subsidies into both facilities last year. We cannot keep doing that.

If the additional offerings of concessions aren’t enough to see the facilities better utilized, and enough to see a net revenue stream, we just might have to mothball one of the facilities. And if we do, it would likely be Memorial. It’s that dire.

That’s why we’re doing it.

GP: Mayor Littlefield has come out against the idea, saying that when you combine alcohol with large crowds, it leads to problems.

PM: There have been receptions in city hall where beer and wine are served and I don’t think fights broke out. At Riverbend, for example, we have thousands upon thousands of people gather every night for a week and, with the exception of Faith & Family Night, alcohol is consumed every night. We here in Chattanooga can get together in large numbers, some of us can have a beer or a glass of wine, and the sky won’t fall.

GP: Final question is about a major problem that is confronting the city, that being crime. While the FBI statistics show that, for the most part, violent crime is down in the city, there have been some very visible events such as recent shootings in Coolidge Park and more noticeable gang activity.

What is being done about this from the council

side of things?

PM: Most important is that we need to partner fully with the police department to get them staffed to the point where they can do community policing. Also, we have murderers who are 20, 21 years old who have three-, four-page arrest records and have done little, if any time in jail.

Sixteen times in a row, the grand jury has pled to anyone who will listen that we need a larger jail facility. The solution to an Ivan Davis is that when you catch them for illegal weapons possession and narcotics and you give them an 11/29 suspended, the next time he gets arrested he needs to be locked up.

GP: How bad of a problem is this?

PM: People can pull these records themselves. They can go to the Hamilton County Criminal Court database, go into the sessions court side of it, and see how many times these murderers have been arrested.

And see how many times they’ve been given suspended sentences.

I’m not laying that all on the judges’ feet. I do believe there is a pressure to avoid putting the jail over capacity, a pressure to avoid fully utilizing all the beds at Silverdale. Jonathon Lawrence paid for that with his life. He got shot in the head standing at a gas station, a station closest to where I live. It could have been me. It could have been anyone. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. But he paid for the fact that we are not, all of us, addressing crime comprehensively.

GP: All of us?

PM: Too often I’ve heard folks say, “That is a City of Chattanooga problem.” Well, we’re doing really well with the law enforcement side of the equation.

It’s what happens after the arrest that I think we could use a stronger focus.

We all want to focus on solving future crime, turning young kids away from that lifestyle, but that isn’t going to produce any results in our crime statistics and on the streets.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on upcoming agendas and minutes from past meetings, visit www.Chattanooga.gov/ City_Council/110_Agenda.asp

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

15

Music Feature

By Janis Hashe

Night Must Fall Chattanooga music fans heaved a large sigh

of relief when it was announced that despite the dismantling of the Downtown Partnership, Nightfall would continue. Now under the auspices of the newly formed Chattanooga Presents, the free Friday concerts will keep their beloved format: Miller Plaza, 7 p.m. opening act, 8 p.m. headliner. Wandering hordes of gossiping, networking and pickupping citizens are still expected, sweating and drinking beer under summer skies. And without question the bikers will be back.

We’ll have lots more about individual Nightfall evenings, but here’s a heads-up on the schedule as it’s known so far.

Kicking off the season on May 28 is the inspired choice of Big Sam’s Funky Nation. Called “the driving force of urban funk,” the band is led by trombone powerhouse, Big Sam Williams, formerly the trombonist for the Dirty Dozen Brass Band, who combines his distinctive trombone riffs with a call-andresponse, MC style. Between the band’s solos and his trombone riffs, Big Sam second-lines (a uniquely New Orleans style of street-dance) and everybody gets up and shakes a tailfeather.

Other acts we personally are looking forward to are folk/pop The Farewell Drifters on June 25, with their signature harmonies and a cappella mastery.

Then there’s Grupo Fantasma, on July 2. Known for backing up Prince, the 10-man GF “knits together the rural with the urban, melds Anglo, Afro, and Latino with such expert carefree abandon you barely notice …it’s not until you try to describe all the song genres

16

(futile) or unravel the strands (too intertwined) that you realize the music is actually quite a complex web of artifice, with the ultimate revelation that you have been witnessing a sublime collective consciousness at work and a group that finishes with something that sounds both intentional and whole.”

On July 16, we get the Bottle Rockets, selfproclaimed “Best Band on the Planet” and proclaimed by Rolling Stone as “the torchbearers for smart, Southern-style rock.”

Though The Hot Club of Cowtown (August 6), is loosely lumped under “new Western swing,” the members are inspired by sources such as Sinatra, Grappelli and Zeppelin (as in Led). Another you-must-get-up-and-dance show to be sure.

The Carolina Chocolate Drops (September 3), chose their name in homage to the Tennessee Chocolate Drops, the ’30s trio of Armstrong Brothers. Though inspired by older black music styles, the group is not bound by tradition and swings with the best.

Internation flavor continues with the Quebecois band The Lost Fingers, whose modern gipsy sound rounds out the Nightfall 2010 season. Don’t think we are dissing the acts we didn’t mention this time out—as always, super-kudos to the Nightfall selection committee.

Nightfall Concert Series Free 7 p.m. Opening Act, 8 p.m. Headliner Friday, May 22-September 24 Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. www. nightfallchattanooga.com

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Music Feature 2010 Nightfall Concert Series

New Music Reviews Sam Quinn + Japan Ten The Fake That Sunk a Thousand Ships (Ramseur)

“Quinn’s voice

is strikingly vulnerable, revealing scars and endearing imperfections.”

By Ernie Paik

There’s a certain songwriting philosophy that puts a high value on honesty and the notion of authenticity. This critic doesn’t think that a song must be true to ring true, though; imaginations don’t need to be limited by history or personal experiences, and what would art be without artifice?

However, the authenticity philosophy can underscore one useful and often important tip for successful writing: write what you know.

What Sam Quinn knows is that he has had a really bad year. It’s a year when he weathered the disbanding of his band, the beloved Johnson City, Tennessee group the everybodyfields, along with some more private pain, and his debut album, The Fake That Sunk a Thousand Ships, is his airingout of these difficulties as an attempt to move on. It’s a Nietzsche-esque approach, tackling these demons head-on, epitomized by the line, “All these things that make me bleed will make me so strong,” from “So Strong.”

Quinn’s backing band is Japan Ten, featuring former everybodyfields players including Josh Oliver, Jamie Cook on drums, and Tom Pryor, supplying choice pedal steel licks; Megan Gregory serves as a feminine shadow with some vocal harmonizing and fiddle playing.

Sonically, the band plays in line with the everybodyfields material, with a take on

Lazer Crystal MCMLXXX (Thrill Jockey) It feels like there’s something cosmic at work, causing retro music cycles to operate with a 15-year period. It’s apparent that the indie-fuzz-pop revival is ramping up now, evoking bands from the early-to-mid-’90s; new wave music from the early ’80s was reanimated in the following decade (called “The new wave of new wave,”) with synth leanings becoming

roots rock/country/folk bearing influences like Neil Young and the Band. Since the musical style is well-trod territory, this critic automatically focuses on the details, which is where these artists can truly distinguish themselves.

Quinn’s voice is strikingly vulnerable, revealing scars and endearing imperfections, and his lyrics can be stark, confessional, and bothered, only being oblique occasionally, like with the line “The clocks all lie in beds with loaded dice” in the unsettling “Gun.” On the emotional baptism of “River,” Quinn has an affecting weariness, practically dragging his acoustic guitar strums, marked with string rattles.

This is a soul-wrenching album that could get lost in the alt-country bustle if it wasn’t fueled with intense sentiments, letting uncomfortable feelings make their mark.

gradually more prominent. The new wave revival seems to be still going strong, with help from folks like the DFA family (including LCD Soundsystem and the Juan MacLean), and in the year 2010 arrives the debut album MCMLXXX from the Chicago band Lazer Crystal. Of course, MCMLXXX is “1980” in roman numerals, seemingly marking a 30-year milestone, noting the second 15-year period of revivalism that has elapsed.

Apparently, Lazer Crystal has never met a synthesizer it didn’t like, and its devotion to the artificial has a sort of smirking affection, akin to that of kindred spirits such as John Maus and labelmates Trans Am. It’s deadpan and ridiculous, with a straight face and a tongue firmly planted in one cheek, and although this music would have sounded earnest in 1980, we

know better now. Take the shameless “Love Rhombus,” which demonstrates a sort of chutzpah—the band knows its tricks well, using some cheesy whispered vocals and some over-the-top wailing synth passages. On “Lame Duck,” there’s a strong Human League synthpop vibe, with the vocalist seriously channeling Philip Oakey at certain times and a robot (thanks to Vocoder-enhanced singing) at other times.

It’s kind of remarkable how the album never lets up and never breaks character, from the frantic “Hot Pink BMX” to the driving, 9-minute closer “2029.” We’ve heard these tricks before, but Lazer Crystal throws them all at you in an unrelenting stream; still, as pure ear candy, it’s a lot of fun, even if you groan a little before you smile.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

17

Music Calendar Thursday Spotlight

Jill King Folk-rocker touring to support Rain on Fire. $5 7 p.m.

Mudpie, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9043. www.mudpierestaurant.com

Thursday Nathan Farrow 7 p.m. Acoustic Café, 61 Rbc Dr., Ringgold, GA. Crossfire Band 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055. www.thepalmsathamilton.com Karaoke with Paul Smith 8 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985.

Backwater Still 9 p.m. The River House, 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 752-0066.

DJ Services 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Channing Wilson 9 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Husky Burnette 9:30 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Last Aurora 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

18

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Friday Spotlight

Matt Brown & Friends 6 p.m. Rock City, 1400 Patten Rd., Lookout Mountain, GA. (706) 820-2571. www.seerockcity.com

Friday Lee Starnes Noon. Earth Fare, 1814 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 855-2511. www.earthfare.com Harrison Buegrass Jamboree 6 p.m. Harrison, 5709 Tyner Lane, Harrison.

Jordanaires, Ray Walker, Gordon Stoker, Curtis Young, Louis Nunley, Ron Moore 7:15 p.m. Choo Choo Centennial Theatre, 1400 Market St. (423) 702-8976. donnahopkinsband 8 p.m. Pokey’s Steak & Stage, 918 Sahara Drive NW, Cleveland.

Ben Friberg Trio 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 424- 3775. www.chattanooganhotel.com Zan Teddy 6 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia Cheer Up Charlie Daniels, Noncommissioners Office, Racing Death 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Sweet & Lowdown Band 9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648- 6679.

Paul Smith and the Special Moments Band 9 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985.

Mark Holder 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Bounty Hunter Band 10 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

The Rounders with Rick Bowers Band and Conner Christian 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Power Players Show Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com BJ Hightower 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttaven.com

Saturday Bluegrass Underground: Josh Shilling, Mountain Heart 1 p.m. Cumberland Caverns, 1437 Cumberland Caverns Rd., McMinnville. (931) 668-4396.

“The Reason We Sing” Reunion Concert 7 p.m. Heart Mountain Creek Baptist, 1001 Mountain Creek Rd. (423) 870-9331.

Rock N’ Roll Spectacular 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga Choo Choo Centennial Theatre, 1400 Market St. (423) 266-5000.

The Wes/Brando Band 8 p.m. The Office, 901 Carter St. (inside Days Inn).

Jettison Never!, The Nim Nims, Natural Habitz, Wise Council 8 p.m. Mosaic, 412 Market St. www.myspace.com/clubfathom

Racing Death, Noncomissioners Office, Cheer Up Charlie Daniels Raucous Cheer Up Charlie Daniels roars in from Nashville. $7 10 p.m.

JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400. www.myspace.com/jjsbohemia

Richard Leigh 8 p.m. Charles and Myrtle’s Coffeehouse. 105 McBrien Rd. (423) 892-4960. www.christunity.org Stoneline, Dynamo, Corpse Wax Dollies, “Kat” The Midget Entertainer 8 p.m. Ziggy’s Hideaway, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 634-1074. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway Dana Rogers 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Ben Friberg Trio 8:30 p.m. The Foundry, 1201 Broad St. (423) 424- 3775. www.chattanooganhotel.com Sweet & Lowdown Band 9 p.m. Spectators, 7804 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 648- 6679.

Paul Smith and the Special Moments Band 9 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985.

Roughwork 9 p.m. The Purple Parrot, 2819 Cumming Hwy. (423) 508-8170.

Music Calendar

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Saturday Spotlight

Stoneline, Dyanmo, Corpse Wax Dollies with Kat the Midget Entertainer Craziest evening of the week at Ziggy’s. $5 8 p.m.

Ziggy’s Underground, 607 Cherokee Blvd.

(423) 598-6770. myspace.com/ziggyshideaway Sisteren 9 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Hot Rods, River City Hustlers, Riverland 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Fly By Radio 10 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Power Players Show Band 10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com Bounty Hunter Band 10 p.m. T-Bones Sports Café, 1419 Chestnut Ave. (423) 266-4240. www.tboneschattanooga.com DJ Self & Funtastic 4 10 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996.

Sunday EPB Big Band Day 11 a.m. The Chattanooga Market, Miller Plaza, 850 Market St. (423) 265-3700.

Sunday Spotlight

12th Tommy Jett Entertainers’ Reunion 3 p.m. Bourbon St. Blues Club.

2000 East 23rd St. www.tommyjett.com Open Mic w/Jeff Daniels 4 p.m. Ms. Debbie’s Nightlife Lounge 4762 Highway 58, (423) 485-0966. myspace.com/debbieslounge Monte Montgomery, Will Hoge, Darrell Scott, Justim Townes Earle 5 p.m. Cumberland Caverns, 1437 Cumberland Caverns Rd. McMinnville. (931) 668-4396.

“The Reason We Sing” Reunion Concert 6 p.m. Heart Mountain Creek Baptist, 1001 Mountain Creek Rd. (423) 870-9331.

Irish Music Sessions 6:30 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996.

Blind Draw 7:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878.

Karaoke with DJ Stoll 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878.

4th Wife Courtney’s Going Away Party 10 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia, 231 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 266-1400.

Star Search Talent Night 10 p.m. Images, 6500 Lee Hwy. www.imagesbar.com

Monday Old Tyme Players 6 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Paul Lohorn and the Monday Nite Big Band 7 p.m. Lindsay Street Hall, 901 Lindsay Street. (423) 755-9111.

Karaoke 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Karaoke with DJ Stoll 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878. www.budssportsbar.com

Tuesday Billy Hopkins 5 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260.

Karaoke 7 p.m. Magoo’s Restaurant, 3658 Ringgold Rd., East Ridge.

(423) 867-1351.

The Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Table 2, 232 E. 11th Street, (423) 756-8253. www.table2restaurant.com Spoken Word/Poetry Night 8 p.m. The Riverhouse, 224 Frazier Ave., (423) 752-0066. www.myspace.com/ theriverhousechattanooga Husky Burnette 8 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Karaoke with Paul Smith 8 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985.

Open Mic Night 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern, 1203 Hixson Pike. (423) 266-1996. www.tremonttavern.com Open Mic with Hellcat 9 p.m. Raw, 409 Market St. (423) 756-1919.

Hops & Opera III Another fab evening of beer and arias, this time with international star Stella Zambalis. $15.

7 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre, 400 River St. (423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com Karaoke with DJ Stoll 9:30 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar, 5751 Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-9878.

Wednesday Ben Friberg Trio 7 p.m. Market Street Tavern, 850 Market St. (423) 634-0260. www.marketstreettavern.com Johnston Brown 8 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton, 6925 Shallowford Rd., #202.

(423) 499-5055.

Jeremy Lesley Band 8 p.m. Chattanooga Food & Drink, 5647 Brainerd Rd. Johnny B and Friends 8 p.m. Bourbon Street Music Bar, 2000 E. 23rd St. (423) 826-1985.

Karaoke 9 p.m. Bart’s Lakeshore, 5600 Lakeshore Dr. (423) 870-0777.

Nathan Angelo with PJ Morton 9 p.m. Rhythm & Brews, 221 Market St. (423) 267-4644. www.rhythm-brews.com Arthur Yorla 10 p.m. T-Roys Roadhouse, 724 Ashland Terrace.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

19

Life in the Noog

By Chuck Crowder

A ‘Noog By Any Other Name…

Contrary to popular belief,

“I feel so sorry

for the other three that I think we could win the grand prize if all we put up for comparison was St. Elmo.”

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his popular website www.thenoog.com

20

Chattanooga, Tennessee (as famous as it is) isn’t the only ‘noog in this great country of ours. Nope, we are actually one of four Chattanoogas.

In addition to ours, there are also Chattanoogas in Ohio, in Oklahoma and in Colorado.

Obviously we’re the most wellknown thanks to that famous train song, and because of it I feel sorry for the other Chattanoogas and the poor folks who have to live there.

Not only do they have to constantly correct strangers that in fact it’s the Tennessee Chattanooga that Glenn Miller so immortalized, but they also have to explain away why it’s our Chattanooga that continues to win exceptional mid-sized city awards while theirs are stuck in the rut of a perpetual identity crisis.

Take Chattanooga, Ohio. The most famous thing that’s happened in that tiny parcel on the Ohio/Indiana border is birth of “household name” major league baseball legend Bruno Betzel who, as everyone knows, played third base for the St. Louis Cardinals from 1914-1918.

Who could forget that arm? This town is so small and sad that the web site OhioHistoryCentral.org (“the online encyclopedia of Ohio history”) in fact has a page outlining the Civil War’s Battle

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

of Chattanooga as if it actually took place there.

Then there’s Chattanooga, Oklahoma—population 432. It’s home to Lawton Speedway Ministock Champion Casey Henning. When the town was being developed around the turn of the century, however, the Chicago, Rock Island and Pacific Railways extended a branch line from Lawton to Chattanooga. This dumb luck became the focus of a major ad campaign for the town in 1906. So in essence, Glenn might have written about that Chattanooga railroad, if agriculture hadn’t taken over. But wheat beat the wheels. And nowadays, the average per capita income in Chattanooga, Oklahoma is $12,989. So I guess if you wanna make the big bucks, you gotta move to Lawton.

Next, there’s Chattanooga, Colorado.

In the 1870s, Chattanooga made money three ways—silver, transportation and gold, in that order. Nestled at the foot of Red Mountain Pass, Chattanooga was the primary pit stop on the wagon route from Silverton to Ouray. By the time gold was discovered in the area, hundreds of miners had staked out just about every square inch of available land. Buildings and homes were constructed in hopes that

Chattanooga would rival nearby Cripple Creek (made famous of course in that song by The Band). But as fate would have it fire swept through the city, destroying nearly everything. Most buildings were never rebuilt and only a few scattered ones remain today.

And then there’s our beloved national treasure—Chattanooga, Tennessee. Geez, I feel so sorry for the other three that I think we could win the grand prize if all we put up for comparison was St. Elmo. But despite the shortcomings of the “others,” I’m sure there are some inconveniences they cause us that are just as annoying as the ones we rub their face in every day (well, probably not). Take the U.S. mail for example.

I’m sure there are packages, letters, greeting cards, magazines, catalogs, Publisher’s Clearing House offers and other posted parcels that “accidentally” get

Life in the Noog

rerouted to a Chattanooga other than the one for which they were intended. There’s probably a Main Street, Market Street and Broad Street in every one of those towns, let alone the numbered streets and other ambiguous roadway names such as Maple, Elm and Oak. So it could be a problem, theoretically. And if so, what happens then?

My thinking is that there has to be some sort of Postmaster Tribunal of Chattanooga’s finest that meets each year in one of the Chattanoogas to catch up on current events, party and of course, exchange misrouted letters.

I can see it now. The four old weathered postal buddies hooking up at T-Bone’s for a few beers to laugh about the good old days of hand stamping and curse the new-fangled bar code readers. Then it’s off to City Café to tie the old feedbag on.

It may not be the fanciest place in town,

but there are more and 400 menu items available 24 hours a day—and not a one is more than $9.95. As everyone knows, there’s nothing a postman appreciates more than a good deal.

Afterwards it’s off to some back room of the main branch of the post office to sort through the misdirected mail. After a few tugs off a left-handed cigarette, the boys start going through their mailbags like it’s Christmas morning.

“Who’s got a Winder Binder on Frazier Avenue?” “Anyone have an Applebee’s on 4th Street?” “What about a Hiroshi’s on Main?” Of course, nearly every parcel is intended for our Chattanooga, so the night is generally one sided. But our guy never lets on that his comrades live in the shadow of greatness. No, he just sits back knowing that as long as the cards and letters keep coming, there’s no place like home.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

21

Arts & Entertainment

Raw Renewal

By Michael Crumb

“Tchoe wants to share his art with the community, and he feels that this is his ‘job’, to fill his role as an artist by enhancing public spaces.”

22

Raw Sushi Bar has been

transformed since owner Jim Striker hired Robin Tchoe to reconceptualize the space. Tchoe (pronounced “che”) has both redesigned the color tones of the interior and produced a number of paintings to enliven that interior.

Korean artist Tchoe returned to Chattanooga after traveling out west and in the Virgin Islands, where he has been honing his fine art skills. Tchoe had worked for Striker before he left Chattanooga. Now, he sees Chattanooga as a beautiful city that is destined to become a great city. He has a “passion for public

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

art that people can share by looking together.” Tchoe wants to share his art with the community, and he feels that this is his “job”, to fill his role as an artist by enhancing public spaces.

Upon entering Raw, one notices the Raw logo that Tchoe has enhanced by a nebulous design in blue, yellow, red and orange. Both color and symbol have been combined to present the dramatic effect of “The Big Bang.” Stars appear within fiery clouds that incorporate the symbolism of the “fish” diagram.

Many folks are familiar with the Taoist “fish” diagram, but they may not be familiar with its name. This fairly ubiquitous design presents a solid circle divided by a curved line. One side of the line is white, and the other side is black.

Inside the thicker parts of the black and white halves, smaller circles are inscribed, with a white circle inscribed within the dark half and a dark circle inscribed within the white half. This symbolism indicates the relationship of yin and yang, showing how yin is contained within yang, and yang is contained within yin. Tchoe works to achieve this symbolic interaction with colors. This story nebula, a natural phenomenon, becomes combined with “fish” symbolism.

Tchoe’s color design promotes the sense of more open space. Along one wall, he has included a gallery of ten canvases.

These have calligraphic titles, such as “Spring” and “Peace”. Eventually, these canvases will be printed with illustrations of their concepts, and they will be offered both for view and for sale.

On the back wall, Tchoe has painted his interpretation of a traditional scene of a temple at sunset, tranquil, yet vibrant with color. His passion for art extends both to an appreciation of the diversity of art and to his own desire to paint. Much of the work in Raw involves traditional subjects, and this is appropriate for a restaurant, since it promotes a sense of familiarity and comfort.

Tchoe believes he has a gift for free-hand painting of murals. He has a large picnic scene done on the back wall of the bar area. Two geishas adorn a door panel, and, beyond, that door, a café scene has been placed at the foot of the stairway that runs to the club upstairs. This provides a sense of continuity between outside and inside spaces. This painting will continue up the wall as well.

This sort of public art greatly enhances our community’s art consciousness. Look ahead to Tchoe’s art at Backstreet Betty’s Boutique. Come and view his process at Raw. This is excitement!

Robin Tchoe, paintings and murals Raw Sushi Bar and Nightclub 409 Market Street (423) 756-1919

A&E Calendar Highlights Friday

Thursday

“Edible Opera” Professional opera singers combine with a four-course meal. $60, $80 with wine pairing 7:30 p.m.

Broad Street Grille (inside The Chattanoogan), 1201 Broad St. (423) 424-3700.

Send your calendar events to us at calendar@chattanoogapulse.com

Connecting the Dots Summit 9 a.m. United Way Community Room, 650 Market St. (423) 425-7826.

Explore “Transformation 6: Contemporary Works in Glass” lecture 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org Mystery of the TV Talk Show 7 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Chattanooga Film Commission Meet and Greet 7 p.m. Northshore Grille, 16 Frazier Ave. (423) 425-7826.

Riverdance 7:30 p.m. Memorial Auditiorium, 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 642-TIXS. www.chattanoogaonstage.com Etta May 8 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Austin Center & Lawrence Mathis Exhibit Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Ave. (423) 483-0270.

Columbinus A theatrical response to the events at Columbine in 1999. $10 7:30 p.m.

Ensemble Studio Theatre, 1918 Union Ave, (inside St. Andrews Center). (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com

Saturday

“Transformation 6: Contemporary Works in Glass” New exhibit at the Hunter features work from 28 glass artists. $9.95 10 a.m. – 5 p.m.

Chattanooga Theatre Centre, Circle Stage, 400 River Street.

(423) 267-8534. www.theatrecentre.com

Hubble in 3D 11 a.m., 1, 3, 5, 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Swag School Fashion Show 7:30 p.m. Tivoli Theatre, 709 Broad St. (423) 267-8583. www.chattanoogaonstage.com Etta May 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Avatar in 3D 8 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

The Mystery of Flight 138 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839.

Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com “Picture This” North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. (423) 870-8924.

“Horizons” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com

32nd Annual Tennessee Watercolor Exhibit Olan Mills Bldg., Chattanooga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 478-5262.

“Birds of a Feather” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176. www.thehoustonmuseum.com “Earth Day with Daniel Bigay” Bill Shores Frame and Gallery, 307 Manufacturers Rd. (423) 756-6746. www.billshoresframes.com “Transformation 6: Contemporary Works in Glass” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org “All That Jazz: Fiberworks of Carole Harris” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com “Seeds” Asher Love Gallery, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 822-0289. asherlovegallery.blogspot.com “Spring Selections” Landis Gallery, AVA, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-1282. www.avarts.org

Sunday Hubble in 3D 11 a.m., 1, 3, 5, 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Mosaic Market 11 a.m. 412 Market St. (corner of 4th/Market) (423) 624-3915.

Art Til Dark Noon. Northshore, (423) 413-8999. arttildark.wordpress.com Wild Ocean in 3D Noon, 2, 4, 6 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

“School House Rocks” Festival 12:30 p.m. Chattanooga School for the Arts and Sciences, 865 E. 3rd St. (423) 209-5818.

32nd Annual Tennessee Watercolor Exhibit Reception 2 p.m. Olan Mills Bldg., Chattanooga State, 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (423) 478-5262.

Paintings of Glen Gray 2 p.m. 7745 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 607-4477.

Columbinus Poetry Project 2 p.m. St. Andrews Center Theater, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com

The Mystery of the Nightmare Office Party 6 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Etta May 7:30, 10 p.m. The Comedy Catch, 3224 Brainerd Rd. (423) 629-2233. www.thecomedycatch.com Avatar in 3D 8 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Mystery of the Red Neck Italian Wedding 8:30 p.m. Vaudeville Café, 138 Market St. (423) 517-1839. www.funnydinner.com Female Impersonation Show Midnight. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com “Fresh Coastal Scenes” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com “Photographs from Wuxi” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944. www.huntermuseum.org

Artist Daniel Liam Gill: “SEEDS” The artist will create a new oil painting, which will be for sale after the event.

Free.

2 - 5 p.m.

Asher Love Studio and Gallery, 3914 St. Elmo Ave., Ste. G (423) 822-0289. asherlovegallery.blogspot.com

Hubble in 3D 11 a.m., 1, 3, 5, 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Wild Ocean in 3D Noon, 2, 4, 6 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

“Seeds” Painting Demonstration 2 p.m. Asher Love Gallery, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 822-0289.

Columbinus 3 p.m. St. Andrews Center Theater, 1918 Union Ave. (423) 987-5141. ensembletheatreofchattanooga.com Scenic City Chorale Concert 4 p.m. Brainerd United Methodist Church, 4315 Brainerd Rd. Avatar in 3D 7 p.m. IMAX Theater at the Tennessee Aquarium, 1 Broad St. (800) 265-0695.

Female Impersonation Show 10:30 p.m. Images, 6065 Lee Hwy. (423) 855-8210. www.imagesbar.com “Solid and Round” Tanner Hill Gallery, 3069 Broad St. (423) 280-7182. www.tannerhillgallery.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

23

A&E Calendar Highlights Monday Speak Easy: Spoken Word and Poetry 8 p.m. Mudpie Restaurant, 12 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9040. www.mudpierestaurant.com “Chris Scarborough: Drawings and Photographs” AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-1282. www.avarts.org “A Breath of Fresh Art” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214. www.intowngallery.com “Themes of Identity” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

Austin Center & Lawrence Mathis Exhibit Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Ave. (423) 483-0270.

“Horizons” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453.

32nd Annual Tennessee Watercolor Exhibit Olan Mills Bldg., Chattanooga State Community College, 4501 Amnicola Hwy.(423) 478-5262.

24

Tuesday Flick’s Café: Manon of the Spring 6:30 p.m. Chattanooga-Hamilton Library, 1001 Broad St. (423) 757-5310. www.lib.chattanooga.gov “A Short History of Chattanooga” Lecture Series 7 p.m. Chattanooga History Center, 615 Lindsey St. (423) 265-3247. www.chattanoogahistory.org “Twenty American Etchings” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

“Fresh Coastal Scenes” Shuptrine Fine Art Group, 2646 Broad St. (423) 266-4453. www.shuptrinefineartgroup.com “Picture This” North River Civic Center, 1009 Executive Dr. (423) 870-8924.

“Birds of a Feather” Houston Museum of Decorative Arts, 201 High St. (423) 267-7176. www.thehoustonmuseum.com “All That Jazz: Fiberworks of Carole Harris” River Gallery, 400 E. Second St. (423) 265-5033. www.river-gallery.com

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

Wednesday 3rd Annual Jewish Film Fest: The Debt 7 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Rd. (423) 493-0270.

“Transformation 6: Contemporary Works in Glass” Hunter Museum of American Art, 10 Bluff View. (423) 266-0944.

“Seeds” Asher Love Gallery, 3914 St. Elmo Ave. (423) 822-0289. asherlovegallery.blogspot.com “Spring Selections” Landis Gallery, AVA, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-1282. www.avarts.org “Chris Scarborough: Drawings and Photographs” AVA Gallery, 30 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-1282.

“A Breath of Fresh Art” In-Town Gallery, 26A Frazier Ave. (423)267-9214.

“Solid and Round” Tanner Hill Gallery, 3069 Broad St. (423) 280-7182.

Austin Center & Lawrence Mathis Exhibit Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 N. Terrace Ave. (423) 483-0270.

Editor’s Pick: Featured Event Of The Week

Third Annual Chattanooga Jewish Film Festival Kick-off film is The Debt, in which three Mossad agents, now in their 60’s, are brought back to investigate a man who claims to be a Nazi long thought dead. In Hebrew with English subtitles.

Wednesday, May 26, 7 p.m. $5 Jewish Cultural Center, 5461 North Terrace Road.

(423) 493-0270. www.jcfgc.com

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

25

26

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

JONESIN’

“Not So Full Of It” –seriously, cut it out.

Free Will Astrology GEMINI (May 21-June 20): When Paul McCartney first got the inspiration to write the song “Yesterday,” he had the melody and rhythm but couldn’t get a feel for what the lyrics should be. For a while, as he was waiting for the missing words to pop into his brain, he used nonsense stand-in phrases. The dummy version of the first line was “Scrambled eggs, oh my dear, you have such lovely legs.” This approach could be useful for you in the coming weeks, Gemini. As you create a fresh approach or novel departure in your own life, you might want to show the patience McCartney did.

Be willing to keep moving ahead even though you don’t have the full revelation quite yet.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Sufi holy man Ibn ‘Ata Allah was speaking about prayer when he said the following: “If you make intense supplication and the timing of the answer is delayed, do not despair of it. His reply to you is guaranteed; but in the way He chooses, not the way you choose, and at the moment He desires, not the moment you desire.” While I don’t claim to be able to perfectly decipher the will of the divine, my astrological research suggests that you will soon get a definitive answer to a question you’ve been asking for a long time. It may come softly and quietly, though, and from a direction you don’t expect, and with a nuance or two that’ll test your reflexes.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): I suspect you’re going to feel a bit constrained in the coming weeks, Cancerian—maybe even imprisoned. I suggest you make the best of it. Rather than feeling sorry for yourself and spiraling down into a dark night of the soul, try this: Imagine that you’re a resourceful hermit who’s temporarily under house arrest in an elegant chalet with all the amenities. Regard this “incarceration” as a chance to start work on a masterpiece, or upgrade your meditation practice, or read a book you’ve needed an excuse to lose yourself in. Believe it or not, your “deprivation” could be one of the best things that has happened to you in a while.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Is Fast Food Too Tempting?” read a headline in The Week magazine. The accompanying article discussed whether people have the right to blame and even sue McDonald’s and Burger King for their health problems. In my opinion, we might as well add other allegedly appealing poisons to the discussion.

“Is heroin too tempting?” “Is cheating on your lover or spouse too tempting?” “Is watching TV five hours a day too tempting?” I hope you’re seeing where I’m going with this, Capricorn. The coming weeks will be a good time to take personal responsibility for any supposedly fun activity you’re doing that warps your character or saps your energy. It’s prime time to end your relationship with stuff that’s bad for you.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I won’t be surprised if people begin to compete for your attention. There may even be some pushing and shoving as they jostle to get closer to you. At the very least, you can expect a flurry of requests for your time and energy. What’s this all about? Well, your worth seems to be rising. Either your usefulness is flatout increasing or else those who’ve underestimated you in the past are finally tuning in to what they’ve been missing. So here’s my question and concern: Will you get so seduced by what everyone asks you to give them that you lose sight of what you really want to give them? I suspect there will be a difference.

Across 1 Country singer Paisley on a military boat?

7 “7th Heaven” actress Jessica 11 Vampire’s other form 14 Journalist/blogger Daniel 15 1970s song whose dance forms letters 16 Prefix with center or lady?

17 Where “two guys” are often located, jokewise 18 Overseas greeting?

20 Holder and Reno, for short 21 Mishmash 23 ___ voce 24 The value of an Egyptian sun god’s bales?

28 “___ a slitted sheet I sit” 29 Comedian Lampanelli 30 Site of 1993 accords 32 Open a thigh-high boot, maybe 35 Bonaduce running

around in a plastic, cone-shaped red hat?

40 “Get my drift?”

41 Like store-purchased debit cards 43 ___-Mex cuisine 44 Mickey Mouse’s unsuccessful cousin?

46 Deplorable 48 Departs 49 “Am ___ yesterday’s news?” (“You’ll Never Know,” Edwyn Collins) 51 Vizquel of baseball 53 Part of a boat named after radio man Paul?

59 It’ll come back to you 61 ___ horrible death 62 Gun gp.

63 It answers the question “Do you know how fast you were going?”

65 Fix a paragraph 68 Pass with flying colors 69 Sgts. outrank them 70 Wet kiss 71 Kind of kid 72 Enmity 73 Reply to “Were any

people left after Dick and Harry departed?”

Down 1 Type of tobacco pipe 2 ___ bell (was familiar) 3 “Just ___...” (inexact recipe instruction) 4 Figure on a driver’s license: abbr.

5 “Don’t do drugs” ad, for short 6 Loses on purpose 7 On a plane 8 Complaint during summer months 9 “The Name of the Rose” author 10 Potato chip brand 11 Allen Ginsberg and Jack Kerouac, for two 12 Inclined toward 13 Attach, like a ribbon 19 Sugar frontman Bob 22 Construction vehicle with a scooper 25 Boxer Laila 26 Abbie Hoffman party member 27 Hagar the Horrible’s daughter

31 Capital with an opera house 32 Acronym for computer ports 33 Prefix for liberal or conservative 34 Calming pastime with a rake 36 Shrinks’ org.

37 Home-grown 38 Hamster doc 39 Clearasil competitor 42 Hebrew letter 45 “___ Rae” (Sally Field movie) 47 Torah holder 50 Newspaper publisher William Randolph ___ 51 Gumbo pods 52 Auto body company with old “uh-oh” ads 54 What “X” may mean 55 Laundry cycle 56 Provide a fund for 57 Author Jong 58 Thin wood strips 60 Gateway ___ 64 Honor roll stat 66 Panic! at the Disco genre 67 The 31st, often: abbr.

Crossword created By Matt Jones. © 2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0468.

By Rob Brezsny Truthrooster@gmail.com

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I’m not saying that you should create a superhero identity for yourself and embark on a campaign to combat injustice.

But if you’ve ever wondered whether the life of a costumed crusader is right for you, it’s an excellent time to experiment. Your courage will be expanding in the coming weeks. Your craving for adventure will be strong, too. Even more importantly, your hunger to do good deeds that reach beyond your own self-interest will be growing. Interested? Check out the Superhero Supply website to get yourself operational. It’s at www.superherosupplies.com.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): All 26 of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ stories about Tarzan are set in Africa, but he never once visited that continent. And Bram Stoker didn’t feel the need to travel to the Transylvanian region of Romania in order to write about it in his novel Dracula. But I don’t recommend this approach to you in the coming weeks, Libra. If you want to cultivate something new in your life by drawing on an exotic influence, I think you should immerse yourself in that exotic influence, at least for a while. If you want to tap into the inspiration available through an unfamiliar source, you need to actually be in the presence of that unfamiliar source.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Why would you choose this bright, sunny moment to descend into the dark places and explore the fermenting mysteries? What renegade impulse would move you to turn away from the predictable pleasures and easy solutions, and instead go off in quest of more complex joys and wilder answers? Here’s what I have to say about that: I think you long to be free of transitory wishes and fleeting dreams for a while so that you can get back into alignment with your deeper purposes. You need to take a break from the simple obsessions of your grayish, pokerfaced ego, and re-attune yourself to the call of your freaky, evergreen soul.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “The mind loves order, the heart loves chaos, and the gut loves action,” says my astrological colleague Antero Alli.

The ideal situation is to honor each of these needs, keeping them in a dynamic balance. But now and then, it’s healthy to emphasize one over the other two. According to my astrological analysis, you’re entering one of those times when the heart’s longing for chaos should get top priority. But if you do choose to go this way, please promise me one thing: Do your best to tilt toward the fascinating, rejuvenating kind of chaos and tilt away from the disorienting, demoralizing kind.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): When people are truly dehydrated, the impulse that tells them they’re thirsty shuts down. That’s why they may not know they’re suffering from a lack of water. In a metaphorically similar way, Pisces, you have been deprived so long of a certain kind of emotional sustenance that you don’t realize what you’re missing. See if you can find out what it is, and then make measured (non-desperate!) plans to get a big, strong influx of it. The cosmic rhythms will be on your side in this effort!

ARIES (March 21-April 19): All of us have gaps in our education. You and I and everyone else alive have dank pockets of ignorance that diminish our humanity and musty pits of naivete that prevent us from seeing truths that are obvious to others. We all lack certain skills that hold us back from being more fulfilled in our chosen fields. That’s the bad news, Aries. The good news is that the gaps in your education will be up for review in the coming weeks—which means that it’ll be an excellent time to make plans to fill them. Here’s a good way to get started: Be aggressive in identifying the things that you don’t even know you don’t know.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You don’t have to answer to anybody this week, Taurus. You don’t have to defend yourself, explain yourself, or compromise yourself. I mean, you can do those things if you want to be super extra nice, but there won’t be any hell to pay if you don’t. It’s one of those rare times when you have more power than usual to shape the world in accordance with your vision of what the world should be. I’ll go so far as to say that the world needs you to be very assertive in imposing your will on the flow of events. Just one caveat: Mix a generous dose of compassion in with your authoritative actions.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

27

Film Feature

By Phillip Johnston

Robin Hoodwinked Y

ou know the story well: It is a time of tyranny and injustice in 12th-century England. The law is oppressing its people and France has become an imminent threat. Peasant and nobleman alike have taken a stand on the fields of battle under the leadership of Richard the Lionheart, but when their fearless ruler is shot down in battle, the country is plunged into a sea of doubt and desperation.

Richard’s thoughtless younger brother John rises to the throne and with his rule comes unfair taxation and shoddy leadership. “There is no Kingdom without loyalty,” John calls out in an attempt to quell an angered people, a leadership motto that wins him no public acclaim.

Robin Longstride is one among the angered masses and he has the courage and brawn to stand up and say that in tyranny there can only exist endless failure. He doesn’t steal from the rich and give to the poor so much as shoot rhetorical arrows into the heart of injustice. The masses like that.

Adding to the conflict is a traitor named Godfrey whose loyalty to King John is all for show. In one of his first scenes, Godfrey plunges an arrow into the heart of a loyal fellow Englishman. The dying man cries out, “But you are English!”

“When it suits me,” responds the deep-voiced, balding traitor.

He’s played by Hollywood’s new favorite villainous persona Mark Strong, whom you may have seen in Sherlock Holmes and The Young Victoria in variations on the same role.

Yes, men like Godfrey are why the English need Robin Hood, the triple threat—man, myth, legend—played by Russell Crowe. In fact, this is a film more about the presence of Russell Crowe than the heroism of Robin Hood. It banks on Crowe’s history as an actor in an attempt to make itself interesting.

Why is Robin Hood an immaculate archer? Because he’s played by Russell Crowe. Why is he uncommonly brave and fearless? Simple: because in addition to being Robin Hood, he is also Jim Braddock, Captain Jack Aubrey, and Maximus.

28

Every film has its own pace and each audience differs in taste, but audiences everywhere are quick to bemoan lack of energy in a film. A dose of escapism is healthy on a hot summer day, but few things are more disappointing than the monotony that has become a woeful norm in Hollywood movies in the last few years.

Therein lies the rub that snags Robin Hood.

A film story finds energy when it knows its characters. When characters exist only as archetypes or models, they are bound to lack life.

Even if you don’t give a hoot about “character arcs” and “character development,” you will undoubtedly still feel this and not quite know why. (In layman’s terms, it’s the reason why Jack Sparrow is so interesting and fun in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl and so downright annoying in the other two films—a strikingly original character becomes a screenwriter’s commonplace catchall, rendering the character old hat.)

Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood has no characters of its own.

Robin Longstride, Maid Marian, Friar Tuck, and Little John have come to life in other films, but here they are only shadows of what they could be.

This happens even despite a talented cast, proving that the problems are all in Brian Helgeland’s script and Ridley Scott’s vision of it. A sad fact, for they are working with some greats here, not least Max von Sydow, one of the greatest of all actors, and Cate Blanchett, a strikingly beautiful, chameleonic wonder of an actress who could be making her mark on better films.

There is an elaborate final battle (this is a Ridley Scott action picture, you know). After a flourish of patriotism on the Salisbury Plains, featuring Alfred’s White Horse appearing as a historically charged backdrop, Robin and his men line up to charge the French whose boats have surged to shore in a fashion more Saving Private Ryan than medieval.

In a nod (or gesture of bald mimicry) to the opening of Scott’s own Gladiator, the English warriors shoot their arrows

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

into the air from atop a hill to rain down on the French. They charge, shoot, swing, and gallop through ten minutes of bloodless killings until the moment finally comes for Robin Hood to put an end to Godfrey’s unpatriotic treachery.

The way he accomplishes this requires us to believe that he is a hero of mythical proportions. And perhaps we do. We might know he is this hero if we were raised on the capricious Disney film, if we ever smiled at the jaunty Robin Hood of Errol Flynn, laughed at Men in Tights, or were once excited by the ham-handed glee of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves; but this new variation on the old theme adds nothing to the myth.

Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood is simply a pawn in an unfocused medieval epic and, because of this, the director commits the cardinal sin of the mythmaker’s trade: denying his audience the opportunity to believe.

Robin Hood Starring Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett, Mark Strong Directed by Ridley Scott Running time: 2 hours, 13 minutes Rated PG-13

New in Theaters

By Gary Poole

MacGruber The latest attempt by the comedy factory that is Saturday Night Live to conquer the big screen with a feature-film expansion of (at most) a series of five-minute television skits. For every Blues Brothers and Wayne’s World there are A Night At The Roxbury and It’s Pat, so the track record of SNL is far from perfect. Which is why even star Will Forte was surprised that his MacGruber character, a MacGyverish secret agent with a penchant for explosive deaths, ended up getting the Hollywood treatment. What is even more surprising is that (at the time of this writing), the film has received a perfect 100 percent critical rating on the Rotten Tomatoes web site. It’s funny, it’s very risqué, and it really keeps the tongue-in-cheek playfulness of SNL when so many other of their film projects have taken themselves too seriously.

Holy Rollers Jesse Eisenberg stars as a young Hasidic Jew who becomes a drug mule in late 1990s New York City. The film, based on a true story, shows a deft insight into the Hasidic community of the city, and Eisenberg gives what could be a career-making performance.

The question is: Will the film ever get out of the art-house circuit and into suburban metroplexes?

Starring: Jess Eisenberg, Justin Bartha Director: Kevin Asch

Kites Like Bollywood movies? Hrithik Roshan plays a man wanted by the law who is seeking the love of his life. Not that plot ever is the focus of a Bollywood movie—Kites delivers all the dancing, singing and spectacle American audiences have come to expect from India’s fertile film industry.

Starring: Hrithik Roshan, Barbara Mori Director: Anurag Basu

Perrier’s Bounty A gangster named Perrier looks to exact his revenge on a trio of fugitives responsible for the accidental death of one of his cronies in this mix of action and comedy film that provides plenty of the former but not too

Starring: Will Forte, Ryan Phillippe, Kristen Wiig, Val Kilmer Director: Jorma Taccone much of the latter, especially when it tries to be funny.

Starring: Cillian Murphy, Brendan Gleeson Director: Ian Fitzgibbon

Shrek Forever After The producers say this is the final “Shrek” film, even while at the same time promising a Puss ‘N Boots spin-off. Which makes audiences wonder what Eddie Murphy did to annoy the producers in not getting a spinoff for Donkey first. All animated in-fighting aside, the film delivers what audiences have come to expect: good animation, great voice work, a few twists, and lots of pop-cultural references to keep both kids and adults happily entertained.

Starring: Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy Director: Mike Mitchell

Solitary Man Michael Douglas stars as a former cardealership tycoon dealing with his ex-wife (the always reliable Susan Sarandon), his current girlfriend (Mary-Louise Parker) and her 18-year-old daughter. Neither hero or villain, Douglas paints his performance in shades of moral gray.

Starring: Michael Douglas, Susan Sarandon Directors: Brian Koppleman & David Levien

The latest local news and information updated multiple times a day - www.chattanoogapulse.com www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

29

On The Beat

By Alex Teach

Raising Arizona I hereby introduce you to the

“Pay special attention to this last bit: You have to have broken the law already to be even asked about your immigration status that everyone is raising ten kinds of hell about.”

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student at UTC, an up and coming carpenter, auto mechanic, prominent boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center. Follow him on Facebook at www.facebook.com/alexteach

30

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

first edition of The Pulse’s own “Stupid Olympics.” An international competition in which we strive, as always, to match the rest of the globe in aberrant and foolish behavior and when we cannot beat it, to at least match it or come really, really close.

This week’s event: Kidnapping.

Mexico City (that’s in “Mexico” for our Democratic readers) wins the Gold and leads the entire Unites States and the rest of the world in this exciting category. Its drug cartels use it as a remarkably effective tool, primarily by using brutal dismemberments (that’s when they cut apart someone’s body) for the abductees who do not get ransomed quickly enough. Talk about “Sending a Message”. LOL! These same Mexican drug cartels are responsible for more than 18,000 deaths and counting since the last presidential election in 2006. That’s eighteen thousand murders, folks. More than 1,000 of them are of law enforcement officers, but that’s easy because the cartels deal in “bulk”.

Twelve cops were found in a pile outside of La Huacana, Mexico just last summer and they were off duty when they were executed—but I am digressing here.

Rest easy, though. The #2 Kidnapping Capital of the World is our very own Phoenix, Arizona, picking up the Silver for nearly 400 people being kidnapped annually. Turns out it’s for the same reason as Mexico City, and generally for the same reason and by the same people: The Mexican drug cartels, whose top two organizations employee more than 100,000 soldiers…nearly the same number as Mexico’s army of 130,000.

While close, Mexico holds a commanding lead because its cartels are able to issue $250,000 (American) bounties for the kidnapping or murder of border patrol agents (local cops just get “green lighted” for regular bounties), but I think I’ve exhausted this point.

The single issue of kidnapping is my attention grabber this far in to my column: I’ve completely ignored murder related to border crossing and the $10,000,000,000 dollar a year (that’s ten billion dollars) drug smuggling and sales represent to the hardworking people of the Mexican drug trade that bleeds into the American state that presses “right firmly” against it: Arizona.

So…when you factor in the drugs, kidnapping, and murders as a whole, you begin to see the embryonic stages of how such a radical new law could ever be proposed in Arizona to dare to question those who have broken the law to prove their American citizenship, should reasonable suspicion permit.

Pay special attention to this last bit: You have to have broken the law already to be even asked about your immigration status that everyone is raising ten kinds of hell about.

The following is a tough example, but again speaking to my Democrat readers, put your hand against a wall even if you’re seated while reading this: President Obama was stupefyingly wrong in his own analogy for stating that (and I quote) “If you are a Hispanic-American in Arizona, your great-grandparents may have been there before Arizona was even a state. But now suddenly, if you don’t have your papers and you took your kid out to get ice cream, you’re gonna be harassed. That’s something that could potentially happen. That’s not the right way to go.”

As it turns out, you aren’t “harassed” for getting an ice cream. You’re “harassed” for breaking the law first. The people he described most likely to be “victimized” by this law aren’t the ones buying ice cream, but rather the ones trying to rob the store at gunpoint.

Case in point: On February 23 of this year in Centennial Colorado, an “immigrant” was convicted in a crash that killed three people (including a 3-year-old boy) inside an ice cream shop. (American) jurors found Francis Hernandez, 25, of Guatemala, guilty of vehicular homicide and other charges related to this slaughter.

On The Beat

Besides the ice cream shop coincidence, the case had called for immigration reform pre-Arizona because Hernandez had already avoided deportation despite a dozen prior arrests in Colorado, having used 12 aliases and two dates of birth to slip under the radar of immigration officials.

Instead of mocking a law that he has not read and instead of stereotyping its supporters as racists, the president of the United States needs to read the law and find out just why a growing majority of Americans ( larger than the one that elected him) favor this law. Even his own appointed Attorney General Eric Holder admitted, after extensive criticism, that he hadn’t even read the law. This isn’t tax code, people: It’s just 16 damn pages.

For brevity’s sake, I’ll even omit the Illinois high school’s girls basketball team that had its tournament cancelled in Arizona despite it being 26 years since winning their last conference title because the trip “would not be aligned” with the school’s “beliefs and values,” according to its school district’s assistant superintendant. The school had recently sent students to China, by the way. (“China” is this whole other country that commits attacks on civilians, crackdowns on dissidents, illegal detentions and

discrimination against minorities, enforces forced sterilization, forced abortions, and has no freedom of the press, to name a few “beliefs and values”.)

Are you seeing my point yet?

The bottom line is two-fold for me: One, the people bitching the loudest against this literally haven’t read the proposed law itself, which actually mirrors federal law requirements in place since the 1940s (that the United Nations has missed during its own odd opining of the situation). If Arizona is to be banned for such, shouldn’t the country ban itself from…itself?

And two: Arizona is by its own admission reacting to the failure of the federal government’s responsibility to uphold its own laws, the consequences of such being relayed by Arizona’s participation in world-class events such as kidnapping, murder, and more drugrelated cases than its court system can handle.

You can’t be too mad at Arizona, folks. They’re only saying they dislike kidnapping, murder, and drug violence and are trying to enforce federal laws on the books for 70 years. Are they really the “assholes” here? Or are the ones who don’t live there who haven’t read the law?

It’s largely numbers. You do the math. www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

31

Spirits Within

By Joshua Hurley

Three Reasons for Riesling

As the weather gets warmer,

State—home of Chateau Ste. Michelle.

Chateau Ste. Michelle vineyards and French-style chateau are located on 87 acres in Woodinville, Washington in the heart of the Columbia Valley.

Woodinville is close to Seattle, with the Cascade Mountains as the dividing line between the two, also serving as a shield from Seattle’s famous rainy weather. CSM is the largest producer of riesling in the U.S., but it’s only one varietal among the many others they grow, including chardonnay, merlot and cabernet sauvignon. CSM is also involved in

the winery’s founding.

Riesling grapes can make wines that are dry, semi-sweet or really sweet. Here are three: Chateau Ste. Michelle Columbia Valley 2008: Easily this area’s most popular label. Displays all the great benefits of growth from the Columbia Valley, whose climate, steady sunlight and rainfall, moist soil, warm summers that never go beyond 80°F and wet winters give this wine all its positive attributes. Slight sweetness with aromas of passion fruit and sweet limes, followed by flavors of peaches, apricots and citrus that last all the way through to the finish.

Oak-aftertaste haters rejoice; there’s no oak finish to be found.

Chateau Ste. Michelle Harvest Select Riesling 2009: This one is sweeter than its predecessor due to a process called “late harvestation”. This process produces sweet wines by allowing the grapes to remain on the vine well past the normal picking time, an extension that allows more natural sugar to form inside the grapes’ peel, resulting in a sweeter taste and more vivid fruit flavors. “Harvest” contains all the same aromas and flavors, only intensified. All in all, it is fruitier and sweeter than the Columbia Valley 2008.

Chateau Ste. Michelle Dry Riesling 2008: Carries aromas of peach, Washington green apples and flavors of honeydew melons and apricots. There is no oak, but this wine is dry. The dryness was achieved by picking the grapes early before any sugar was allowed to form inside the peel. The results—a refreshing, crisp, clean tasting light wine.

All three are available at Riley’s Wine and Spirits for $7.67 plus tax.

Cheers!

wine drinkers find their tastes change to the cooler and refreshing white wines. This week, Riley’s offers three as a get-ready-forsummer “Great Buy”. Great Buys is where Riley’s Wine and Spirits on Hixson Pike in Hixson picks something special from a large selection of wine and spirits from around the world and shares it with the readership of The Pulse. This “In 2004, Chateau Ste. Michelle was week’s three picks are all rieslings awarded the coveted ‘Winery of the from Chateau Ste. Year’ award by Wine Enthusiast, exactly Michelle.

50 years after the winery’s founding.”

Riesling is a white grape that originated in Germania, predating the Roman invasion. Today, it’s still Germany’s national wine grape. Riesling also grows in Australia, Austria, New Zealand and the United States. Most experts agree the best riesling grows in the Columbia Valley, a prime area in Washington

32

several international joint ventures, including Eroica, a German riesling made by Dr. Loosen and the well-known and respected family Antinori. In 2004, Chateau Ste. Michelle was awarded the coveted “Winery of the Year” award by Wine Enthusiast, exactly 50 years after

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

The Pulse • Dining Out Spotlight

Sophisticated Taste, Popular Prices at Kumo

by Colleen Wade New York. The Big Apple. A metropolitan area filled with theater, nightlife and restaurants…and, oh, man, the restaurants!

But how would a New York-style restaurant do here in Chattanooga? Well, apparently, really well. Kumo, in the Lee Market Place shopping center, at the corner of Brainerd and East Brainerd Roads, has been open only two weeks and is hopping!

Kumo is fashioned after a series of restaurants in the New York City area. There are three on Long Island and two more in Manhattan. The atmosphere is elegant but understated. With warm, comforting earthy tones and abstract nature art, Kumo murmurs discernment, sophistication and style. There is an open kitchen a la New York City—a place where real estate and space is at a premium. Hibachi chef Patrick He can be seen working here. There is also a sushi bar where restaurant patrons can watch as Kevin Zhang, the sushi chef, prepares their sushi and sashimi. On the tables are flowers in bud vases and black linen napkins, both adding a dash of panache to Kumo’s overall ambiance. Finesse and refinement are spoken here—everywhere from the concrete stamped floor with the Kumo logo artfully displayed, to the kanji wall hanging depicting the seasons.

Everything about Kumo breathes high-end restaurant—everything except the prices, that is.

Kumo manager Ivy Zhang worked diligently with the owner to bring New York style and outof-this-world food to the people of Chattanooga at a very modest price. The hibachi experience

at Kumo is not the same as you might find at other Japanese steakhouses in the area. There’s no expensive, flamboyant show. There’s just good, quality food, an intimate atmosphere, and superior service.

On Kumo’s menu, you will find traditional hibachi dishes and teriyaki dishes. You’ll also find that those dishes are made with exceptional cuts of meat—rather than round steak or such, you’ll dine on New York strip or filet mignon.

What you’ll find at Kumo that you might not find at other Japanese steakhouses are dishes such as Seaweed Salad or Sunomono Salad, a crab and cucumber salad (you can add octopus or shrimp), appetizers such as gyoza, a pork-and-

vegetable dumpling served either steamed or pan fried, or edamame, Japanese soy beans. You’ll also find sushi and sashimi—a whole plethora of such. Unagi (eel), ika (squid), tako (octopus), ikura (salmon roe): these are just a few of the sashimi offerings from the menu at Kumo. There are traditional rolls such as the California roll, shrimp avocado roll, Alaska roll, and spicy crab roll, and there are special rolls… oh, yeah. Volcano roll, a deep fried roll of spicy tuna, avocado, and crab. The Rainbow roll, a California roll topped with four kinds of fish and avocado. The Kumo roll, spicy king crab inside topped with four kinds of fish and tobiko. The best thing about Kumo’s sushi is the freshness of the fish. Kumo’s sushi is always made with fresh fish, never frozen.

Beyond all the tasty fares and the elegant atmosphere, you find the fair prices. Prices are the same at lunch as at dinner. A hibachi filet mignon dinner, served with salad, soup, vegetables, and steamed or fried rice is less than ten dollars—for lunch or dinner. And the sushi—well, you won’t believe the prices there either. Right now, Kumo has a special where you get any two rolls plus soup and a side item for only $6.50. From 3 p.m. until 6 p.m. daily, Kumo offers happy hour specials. You can order domestic beers for only $1 and imported beers, including Sapporo and Kirin, for only $1.50.

Kumo, 6025 East Brainerd Road, Suite 104 in Brainerd (next to Aldi). They are open Sunday through Thursday from 11 a.m. – 10 p.m. and Friday and Saturdays from 11 a.m. – 11:30 p.m.

For call-in orders, (423) 468-3385.

www.chattanoogapulse.com | May 20, 2010 | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | The Pulse

33

Ask A Mexican!

By Gustavo Arellano

Special Potpourri Edition Dear Readers, Over the past couple of weeks, the Know Nothing nation has invaded my inbox with the question of why can’t the United States follow the stringent immigration laws of Mexico. They’re merely parroting a recent column by the reprehensible Michelle Malkin, who thought that bringing up the issue was an original angle to rankle Reconquistas. ¡Que pendeja! The Mexican covered this question back in 2006, so let’s hop into the Hot Comal Time Machine and reprint the pregunta y mi answer: Dear Mexican, Why shouldn’t the United States adopt the same type of anti-illegal immigration laws that Mexico keeps on its books? Illegal aliens in Mexico are felons—so why do Mexicans complain if the U.S. wants to do that as well? Mexico deported over 200,000 Central Americans last year—so why do illegal aliens from Mexico complain if the U.S. deports a few? Foreign nationals in Mexico can’t stage massive marches in the streets of Mexico waving the flags of their home countries—in fact, Mexican law prohibits such tactics under penalty of jail time. So how does “The Mexican” respond?

— Very Hypocritical Dear Gabacho, Why in God’s good name would Americans ever want to follow Mexico’s example? Mexico experienced boom times when it welcomed immigrants, and much of what passes for Mexican culture today came courtesy of these late 19th- and early

34

20th-century influxes—banda and norteño music (German and Czech), al pastor meat (Arab), Frida Kahlo (Jews), calling all Asians chinos (chinos).

But once Mexico began cracking down on immigration after the drafting of the 1917 Mexican Constitution, which forced every foreigner to “strictly comply with the conditions established for him in the immigration permit and the dispositions established by the respective laws,” this once promising country stagnated.

A more liberal immigration policy is one of the things that distinguishes the United States from Mexico—that and flushable toilet paper. Like France, Mexico worries about the “purity” of its “national identity”; our Founding Fathers understood that immigrants enrich us with their customs, numbers and, sure, cheap labor. We agree on one thing: like Mexico, we should deport more Central Americans. The Guatemalan menace must be stopped at all costs.

SHOUT OUT TO: The Flagstaff, Arizona City Council for passing a resolution to sue their state over the reprehensible SB1070 bill. Another city to put on your buycott list…

NO CORRECTION ON MY PART: Many Know Nothings have insisted I erred in stating two weeks ago that SB170 allows for racial profiling. They all point to a provision thrown in that bans it.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! If you honestly believe that will deter Arizona law enforcement from stopping Mexicans for

The Pulse | Vol. 7, Issue 20 | May 20, 2010 | www.chattanoogapulse.com

“looking” illegal, then I have a puente in Brooklyn to sell you…

ANOTHER GROUP OF UNDOCUMENTED MEXICAN IN ARIZONA TO CARE ABOUT: Wild burros. For the past decade or so, the Bureau of Land Management has been rounding up the little guys and their gabacho cousins, mustangs, and corralling them away from their natural habitats in the American West. For more information on the BLM’s latest inhumane actions, visit the In Defense of Animals web site at idausa.org. And for a beautiful telling of how we got to this harassment of equine Mexis, buy Deanne Stillman’s Mustang: The Saga of the Wild Horse in the American West.

CONFIDENTIAL TO: The woman wrote in an e-mail that I was an “ass-ugly liceridden peasant” and “wetback f****r,” then proceeded to brag, “My sons wear masks at night and go around looking for wetbacks to beat the shit out of. It’s their small contribution to making America better.”

Sticks and piedras may break my huesos, but your words will never hurt me.

Your sons, on the other hand? I forwarded your e-mail to the proper authorities. Next time you’re going to brag about your sons assaulting innocent Mexicans, at least use a fake e-mail—don’t use your real name, a name so rare that you’re the only one with it in the entire United States. May God curse you with beautiful half-Mexican grandkids, pendeja.

“We agree on

one thing: like Mexico, we should deport more Central Americans. The Guatemalan menace must be stopped at all costs.”

Ask the Mexican at themexican@ askamexican.net, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!